Stuff That's Generally Okay

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 17:54:00 +0000

Posted using ShareThis

This blog...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 13:07:00 +0000

To the few interested, this blog will be disappearing in a few days. I will probably be migrating the posts to another location, if I can figure out how to do that. News will be announced as it happens.

So, I'm Done.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 16:20:00 +0000

Earlier this week, I finished posting my novel, Five Satellites, as a blog novel. You can read it here. The whole thing's up there right now. It'll only be there temporarily, so go soon.

Thanks to everyone who kept up with it, to everyone who sent along nice comments, and to those who asked for the entire thing as a .pdf.

Watch this space for news.

I don't know why, but

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 00:29:00 +0000

There were no results in Google for "I've got your inaugural balls."

So, yeah. I've got your inaugural balls right here, mister.

In all seriousness, I don't recall there ever being this kind of excitement for a new President. This dates me, I'm sure. As far as I'm told, there was quite a bit of excitement for Reagan--but I was only two, so I can't possibly count that. Point is, everyone seems a bit happier today. I haven't talked about this with anyone--it just seems like everyone just knows, just understands that things are a little bit better. Not quite good yet, but I feel like we've got a fighting chance again.

I hope you can deliver, dude. I hope you can deliver.

So, Yeah...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 04:27:00 +0000

Ho-lee Shit.

Vote day, Vote day, hooleehooleehoo!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 20:30:00 +0000

Dear every single news source:

Is it at all possible for y'all to use proper grammar when talking about early voting?

Correct: "Early voting."
Incorrect: "Early Voted."
Correct: "Voted Early."

Fucking retards. GOD!

Five Satellites

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 21:39:00 +0000

So, since April of this year, I've been posting my book, Five Satellites, serially here. It's about two-thirds of the way posted, and once it's all been put up, It'll only all be there for a month. Then I'm taking it down in order to start shopping it around again.

You can, however, get a copy of the whole thing in .pdf format directly from me. How to do that? Just ask.

To the many who've been keeping up and who've asked for the book: thanks for reading. The response has been awesome.

Somehow, Seven Years Ago...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 14:50:00 +0000

Somehow, seven years ago today, I was the epitome of America. And I mean that in a bad way. It was around 9-something in the morning and I was in the drive-thru of the Burger King near my house, gearing up for a big exciting day of school. I was an education major at the time. Which was one of the worst decisions of my life.

Anyhow, I got my two sausage biscuits with cheese, my frickin' breakfast cola, and my hash browns, and turned on the talk radio. They were talking about the "Twin Towers" burning, and I thought that they were referring to the local twin towers--the Proctor and Gamble HQ just a few miles down I-75, in downtown Cincinnati. For just a moment, I thought that perhaps all those crazy anti-corporate activists had gone and done something horrible.

Not so. This was quite a bit worse. And quite a bit bigger.

Still, there I sat, transfixed on my steering wheel as I sat in the BK parking lot, stuffing my face with processed meat and cheese listening to the world come to a close for the day. Looking back on it now, I feel like a fat American pig, the kind of fat American pig who contributes to the apparent stereotype of the "Ugly American." There's all that stuff that we have available, all that choice that we take for granted.

Did I mention that I was chewing with my mouth open? God, I'm horrible.

I still went to class, and I don't remember anything else important happening that day. How could I? When I was growing up, I'd heard adults say that they knew, and knew that everyone else knew, exactly what they were doing when they heard JFK took that rifle bullet to the noggin. It's sort of weird to know that my generation has a moment like that, as well. I would assume that every generation has one of those, right? The generation before my parents had Pearl Harbor, then JFK, and then 9/11.

Where were you when you heard the shit went down?

Oh, Baseball Season, How I Won't Miss You...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 20:28:00 +0000

So, here's how you know that the Cincinnati Reds were mathematically emliminated from the playoffs: the Reds' website posts a news item detailing the at bat music for our fine team, along with COMMENTARY AND ANALYSIS. Because, really, there's nothing better to talk about, especially since they were wrapping up a series with the juggernaught that is the Pittsburgh Pirates. Also, His Holiness Josh Fogg pitched this afternoon. Whatever.

Reds At Bat Music

Coming in February...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 15:42:00 +0000

...From a mixture of the DNA of Le Wif and El Husbando, it's--you heard it here first (maybe)--Le Bebe.

Le Wif just exited the first trimester, and the due date is somewhere around Feb. 11 or 14. It's pretty awesome. Given my genetics, the kid'll probably be good and hairy, but hopefully not quite like this:

It' s pretty early on, and I'm not totally sure what to expect, so I'm totally willing to field advice from anyone willing to pass any along. Le Wif's cousin might have given me the best so far: "Get your oh, shit pants on."

Also, it's Le Wif's birthday today, so in honor of that, here's this. Again.

Holy Mother of Eff.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 09:10:00 +0000

A while back, I asked for accounts of the real-life Batman that I'd heard about third-or-fourth-hand that was apparently running around the Corryville/University Village/Short Vine area of Cincinnati back around the early-mid 90's. By all means, I'm still looking for specific accounts from people, so if you have any memory of ANYTHING having to do with this, get in touch. In the meantime, it sounds like people are seeing something like Batman out west: http://www.cryptomundo.com/cryptozoo-news/real-batman-2/

Hey! All right!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 05:17:00 +0000

So, if any of you followed Le Wif and El Husbando Show, you know that back around July-August of last year I switched the operating system on my laptop from Vista to Ubuntu Linux and, well, had lots of problems. The biggest problem I had was that the wireless card that came with the computer simply WOULD NOT talk with Ubuntu.

Good news...

I'm in the process of updating to version 8.04 of Ubuntu and the craziest thing happened: Ubuntu immediately recognized my card and set it up for me. I'm writing this on my front porch, the sound of rain in my right ear, the sound of my neighbor's air conditioner in my left. This whole switch turned out to be a good idea after all. It only took a year, I guess.

Best Spam Language Ever...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 19:31:00 +0000

Got one of those Pen 15 emails in the ol' spam folder today, and I gotta say, I had no idea that my wang's software was out of date. Here's the subject line: "Update Your Penis."

Nice.

I reckon it could be a reference to software, or perhaps the decor of the wedding tackle, right? I've always wanted racing stripes on it. You know, the kind that are off-center a little bit? It'd make the dong look faster, I suppose.

In unrelated news, I've had the phrase "I am King Kong" running through my head at random for about six weeks now. So, that's kind of weird.

In more unrelated news, I've ridden my bike 1200 miles so far this year, most of that commuting to work. At 22 miles per gallon and current gas prices (I figured @ $4 a gallon for 12 gallons per tank), I figure I've saved about $220 in gas costs alone. Add in parking and you're looking at another $390. Just over $600 for the period of time between January-June 2008, only skipping days when it's exceptionally bad outside (which is to say, too icy to drive a car on). Not to get all preachy and shit, but if you live close to your job (let's say 7 miles each way), it's dumb of you to drive to work unless that's your job.

The Book...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 23:14:00 +0000

So, I've been posting my book, Five Satellites, up at this location for a few weeks now. Putting it up like it's a serial. So, check it out. I'm pretty proud of it. You can leave comments, too--I'll probably revise here and there as I post, so there's the possibility you can have some sway in how the story unfolds. http://fivesatellites.blogspot.com. Go!

New Novel Blog...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 21:39:00 +0000

So, I wrote this book called Five Satellites and I decided to post it in serial fashion as a weblog. If you're interested, give it a read. I'll be posting it in sections every Tuesday evening here.

An effort to garner angry comments...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 13:48:00 +0000

Ron Paul is a JOKE.

My only basis for saying this is that some jackass made a huge chalk sign on the Purple People Bridge a few months ago that said, "Google Ron Paul." Nice campaign, dickweed.

I Saw It...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 22:56:00 +0000

Yep. I broke down and watched American Gladiators with Le Wif. It's amazingly nondescript, and little more than filler, apparently in wait for the end of the writers' strike. Of course, me saying that means that the show will probably stick around as long as the Internet.

I would give a full review, but I came across one that's as good as what I'd be able to write, and it's more or less the same opinion I have.

http://mybrainsaysrage.blogspot.com/2008/01/contenders-ready-gladiators-ready-trunk.html

***

In other news, I'm gearing up for work on the next book, while still searching for an agent for the first one. My mom will probably hate me for it, which means that it's probably a pretty good idea, and one that I should get on as soon as possible. So, here's to you, mom.

The best comment ever.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 15 Dec 2007 06:37:00 +0000

It's pretty awesome when children offend me. I know I shouldn't respond to this, but it sort of feels like a fun thing to do.

Here's a comment on an entry I posted that was copied and pasted from a movie review almost a year ago:

"If you write shorter posts people might actually resd them."

Thank you, "Deathskull."

Deathskull's blog address is http://deathskull13.blogspot.com

Deathskull writes poetry about werewolves and vampires. Deeply uninteresting, derivative, and juvenile. To be sure, there's an audience for that sort of stuff, but I'm not a part of it. Deathskull, on the other hand, just might be. The entry that she(?) commented on was from a review of "Underworld: Evolution." A film about--get this--vampires and werewolves.

I'm assuming that you aren't interested in my weblog, Deathskull. No worries. Most people aren't. I'm also assuming that you didn't bother to note that the post wasn't written by me, and that you didn't bother to read any other entries that I've written. Probably because they don't deal with shapeshifting or bloodsucking. Assface.

Question: did you come across this blog as a result of googling "werewolf," or something like that? If so, you won the blog lottery. Your prize is this sentence: Werewolves and Vampires are MADE UP. They don't exist in the real world, with the possible exception of the LARP community, or in D&D. Deal with it. I'm assuming that you wear a cape, too, and paint your fingernails black.

My posts are too long?

They weren't meant for anyone but me. If you're bored, stop reading. It's not for you, anyhow, fuckface.

If you are interested, and want to keep reading, thank you. Otherwise, I don't give a shit. As a wise Kentuckian once said, "Don't make no difference to me. Ain't no skin off my ass."

Best name ever, btw. Does the "13" mean that you're 13 years old? Winner.

I Love the Writers' Strike

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 17:32:00 +0000

When the writers strike first went down, I must admit that I was sort of worried about the few shows that I like stopping for an indefinite period of time. Le Wif and I had created, like so many others (probably?), television "nights" where we'd watch, eat popcorn, and generally enjoy the fruits of our sloth. Mostly, it was an excuse to take a rest from the various remodeling projects we've undertaken over the past year.

Mondays was Heroes, and sometimes Chuck, both monumental time-wasters. Thursdays, though, was the big night--we've been superficially committed to The Office, 30 Rock, and My Name is Earl through the past season-and-a-half and, despite the fact that both The Office and My Name is Earl have significantly decreased in quality in their 2007-8 seasons, we were pretty much enjoying it all. And then word of the strike began to brew.

Recently, new episodes of the great majority of television shows have stopped appearing, and with that, I assume ratings have been going down. Note that I haven't checked any numbers or reports, but this is nothing more than pure conjecture. Point is, there's nothing to watch right now. Which is probably bad for television networks, and monumentally great for the American public. And by "American public," I mean "me."

I've noticed that we've been watching less television over the last couple weeks, and that the house has been in better order. Not much better, mind you, but better nonetheless. It's crazy--I have time to do the stuff I now realize I'd rather be doing. Weird, huh? For example, last week I sent some manuscripts to agents and started reading--get this--a book. Wild shit. It's amazing what we can do when we let ourselves.

Admittedly, television has been pretty damned good for the last few years. This is, of course, my opinion, and it's probably due to the fact that folks around my age are now beginning to write television shows. Which means that I identify with it more, or find more humor in the lot of it, or whatever. It's all changing now, because of this dang strike. And I hope it never ends.

Don't get me wrong--I think that the writers should get the money they want, et cetera ad nauseum. But I'm pretty much done with being a fan of any tv shows, at least for the time being. Here's why--the networks, presumably in response to this, are bringing back all these shows that we remember from our childhoods. Because they want to tap into our nostalgia banks and tune in. All this started with movie remakes years ago.

Remakes, of course, have a rich history--but back in the day, when they used to remake a movie, they'd give it a different title or put some kind of spin on the story, in an attempt to take a classic and make it a newer, hipper, or more pleasant classic. Now, they just slap a cgi Great Dane on the screen and appeal to the 30-year-old's inner child in the previews, make them spend the 10 bucks or whatever, and don't bother to pay attention to the quality of the garbage they're putting out. In other words, they're raping our collective childhood by putting Jessica Simpson in the role of Daisy Duke and putting a live-action Speed Racer out. Ick.

Like I said, this is moving into television big-time, and you can expect it to completely ruin the reasonably good run that television's had over the last few years. Case in point: American Gladiators.

Oh my Fucking God.

AG classic:

AG Redux:

I'm speechless. Can't write any more. Am going to go jump off of a building right now. Probably a tall one. Oy.

On Last.fm...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 19:47:00 +0000

This might come as a surprise to a few people who know me, but I'm pretty sure I like music again, and it's because of last.fm. As per usual, I'm behind the times, but this is neat lil' piece of technology. If'n you haven't used it before, you register, perhaps download their desktop software, and then type in your favorite group/artist/whatever-you-call-it, and it'll play "similar artists" to what you've typed in. From there, you can rate the songs that play with either "love it" or "don't play this ever again." You can also submit comments on the songs that are playing.

Here's where the assumptions start.

I suppose that the "similar-to" feature is predicated upon how users rate music and there's some algorithm that figures out what else you might like if you like the thing you typed in. Seems to make sense, sort of like Google's directed advertising or Amazon's "People who bought this also bought" feature. Here's the inherent problem: people who like Fugazi apparently have HORRIBLE taste in music. Here's a quick sampling of the songs that play when I type in "Fugazi," the songs that follow, and my commentary on them.

Against Me!-"A Brief Yet Triumphant Introduction"--I know nothing about Against Me!, but I do know this: this song is boring. Also, they blow goats.

Lost Alone-"Say no to the world"--I've never heard of this band, but they sound like the Killers, if the Killers actually used a somewhat natural tone on their drums. Here's the thing--they make me want to jump off of a building.

Don Caballero-"Delivering the Groceries at 138 Beats Per Minute"--Finally a decent band, but this song takes a VERY long time to get started. But it's pretty good, and within the same universe as Fugazi, which makes me less nervous.

Yo La Tengo-"I Should Have Known Better"--I've tried to get into YLT a number of times, and was never really able to. But this tune reminds me of pretty much every other prototypical indie rock band, and I can't say I hate it. It's just kind of, "Whatever." More or less background music. You know.

Escape the Fate-"The Ransom"--I wish someone would kidnap this band for ransom. Better yet, they should be buried alive with their records so that nobody would ever have to listen to them again. Sounds like EVERYTHING ELSE on the radio right now. I'd like to escape the fate of ever having to hear their brand of PUNK (tm) ever again.

Joy Division-"Shadowplay"--This is more like what I'd expect to hear after typing in "Fugazi" and choosing to listen to "similar artists." Never really cared for Joy Division, but it's certainly not as bad as Escape the Feces, or Against Me, or (insert pseudo pop-punk band name here).

The Stooges-"Death Trip"--Finally, the first VERY GOOD song I've heard in this go 'round with last.fm. I got into The Stooges when I was about 23 or 24 (not too long ago), and think that pretty much everything they've done was great. You know Mike Watt from the Minutemen toured with them? I think he's actually in the Stooges now. Pretty cool.

Coheed and Cambria-"The Willing Well I: Fuel for the Feeding End"--This band is basically Styx, if Styx had contemporary recording equipment. The song reminds me so much of "Mr. Roboto" that it's now stuck in my head. I like "Mr. Roboto" way more than this, by the way. Other than that, this song is a completely dull song masquerading as an interesting song. Blecch.

Late of the Pier-"Broken"--I've never heard of this band before, and even though it's sort of got that 80's dancy quality that I typically hate, I actually think this is kind of good. Nothing like Fugazi, but not too bad. The keyboards at times sound very 8 bit Nintendoey. That might have something to do with it.

Scratch Acid-"Crazy Dan"--I've never had the opportunity to hear Scratch Acid before, and I've wanted to for some time. It's David Yow's first band, which is why I became interested. It's pretty good. So, check it out or something.

Circle Jerks-"Wild in the Streets"--I remember this song being old when I was in high school. It's as good as I remember it.

Television-"In World"--I think that last.fm has pegged my age.

Propaghandi-"Nation States"--Maybe not. This band sucks it big time. I'd rather get a blowjob from Newt Gingrich than ever have to hear this band again.

Emery-"In a Win/Win Situation"--Very Jesusy, very boring.

Polvo-"Lazy Comet"--This is more like what I'd expect to see w/ Fugazi as a search term. One of the few legitimately good songs I've heard. The song ambles like a fat man leaning on a shopping cart in the grocery store. And it's almost as frightening.

The Clash-"The Sound of Sinners"--As good as their self-titled record was, you can't possibly expect that their others would be nearly as good. And you'd be right. The rest of the Clash's stuff, with the possible exception of London Calling, is more or less garbage.

Mogwai-"Dial Revenge"--I got the last.fm tab in IE wet during this song, and suddenly, there are, like, 20 or so new tabs playing the exact same song. Did that reference go over well?

Rapeman-"Hated Chinee"--Steve Albini, as you might know, fucked Pac-Man.

Okay. I think my point comes across... There's no Fugazi that got played. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. This is the primarly problem that I have with last.fm--it won't play exactly what you want to hear on demand, but is rather like a radio station that is directed solely by the tastes of its listeners. And most people have terrible taste.

Not that you'd get anyone to admit that.

I'm Back, Bitches.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 19:02:00 +0000

Expect short bursts, brief entries, and the occasional photograph of somethin'. Coming soon (again).

Underpants!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 12:54:00 +0000

So, there hasn't been much rustling in the online lives of Le Wif and El Husbando. A couple weeks ago, however, there was a monumentally drunken two-part episode of Le Wif and El Husbando Show. Check it out.

Also, find us on myspace here and vote for us at Podcast Alley.

Next episode is on the way, probably Halloween weekend. There will be music. Lots of music.

Le Wif and El Husbando Show #14: Get in the Cage, Underling

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 16:56:00 +0000

This week, we discuss being touched inappropriately, all of the awesome tattoos El Husbando has, a fast food crazy, the impending Googlephone, give some advice on how to best offend whitey, and El Husbando tries to explain the best place for a wife, only to have it explode in his face.

Listen online at http://lewifandelhusbando.libsyn.com, vote at Podcast Alley, friend us at Myspace, or subscribe in iTunes and write a review.

Le Wif and El Husbando #12: Swimming Pools Suck

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 08 Jul 2007 00:01:00 +0000

This week, we discuss likely scenarios for the end of the world, give some advice on what's required after you do a favor for someone (no, not that kind, you sickass), and talk about disemboweled 6 year old girls. Also, we have a Scambaiting Theatre followup.

Listen online here, send your advice questions to lewifandelhusbando@gmail.com, subscribe in iTunes, and write a review while you're there, and vote for us every month at Podcast Alley.

Le Wif and El Husbando #11

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 21:45:00 +0000

This week, we discuss the current humiliating moments in parenting contest that a weblog is running at the moment, pass along some medium-sized El Husbando news, and discuss, at length, hallmark embarrassing moments in masturbation (courtesy of www.masturbationhorror.com)--and El Husbando includes a few of his own. If you've got some super-embarrassing masturbation stories, send them our way and we'll read them on next week's show. We also theorize different ways to deliver the show and ask for the listeners' advice on the topic. Finally, we play the BEST cover of the Star Wars Theme—courtesy of http://blog.wfmu.org.
Send your advice questions, predictions for the week, or your band's music to lewifandelhusbando@gmail.com, vote for us at Podcast Alley, and write up a review on iTunes.