Stupid News Stories

Best Year-End List Ever: Top 10 “Stupid Stoner Stories”

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 16:22:00 +0000

The Top Ten “Stupid Stoner Stories” of 2011

10. Man’s dog throws out hash stash for cops

It’s almost unfair of me to classify poor Joel Dobrin as “stupid” for this story. Except that I always counsel tokers to store their weed in the trunk when they’re on the road, which might have prevented this unfortunate traffic stop.

9. Note to marijuana smugglers: Make sure your trailer tags are current!

If I had an ounce for every time I’ve read a story about someone getting busted with weed because they were driving a car with expired tags (or a busted taillight, or were speeding), I could replace the weed that was seized in this traffic stop. Is there not enough profit in smuggling to afford registration renewals?

8. Locksmiths don’t check warrants or care about your marijuana… but cops do!

Trust me. My brother was a locksmith. They aren’t interested in your “failure to appear” bench warrants and your nickle bag of weed. When you lock your keys in the car, locksmiths are more worried you will freak out at the cost of your careless mistake.

7. Man fails drug test for cocaine, offers pot bribe to test taker to ignore it

Perhaps this is better classified as a “Crazy Cokehead” story…

6. Don’t call 911, trust NORML: Growing pot will get you busted

I am just stunned that this guy didn’t get the memo that growing pot is illegal. Just so none of you feel the urge to call 911 for grow crime information…

5. Dad Tells Cops 14-Year-Old Stole Weed From His Son

The “stupid stoners” that bother me the most are the parents who involve their kids with marijuana. It is the worst possible portrayal of our community and “What About the Children?!?” is one of the few powerful propaganda messages that prohibitionists have left. So remember, this only exists because marijuana is illegal (and therefore insanely profitable) and not bought and sold in regulated stores that check ID.

4. Parents arrested for video of 2-year-old smoking marijuana

Remember that this time of year, parents all across North America will consume beer and wine and spirits, often leaving their bottles and glasses in easy reach of the children. Many pictures will be taken and videos will be filmed – and you won’t read any headlines about those parents going to court.

3. Wandering toddler on road with bag of weed gets national coverage
LOCH SHELDRAKE, N.Y. — Authorities have charged a 30-year-old New York woman with endangering the welfare of a child after police say her toddler wandered into an upstate road clutching a bag of marijuana......Get The Rest

Man Steals Ambulance To Drive Himself To Hospital

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 16:18:00 +0000

Tampa, Florida – When it came to getting medical attention, stealing an ambulance and driving it to the hospital wasn’t such a bad idea at the time for one Tampa man. Hubert Lee Credit, 39, was arrested after he stole an ambulance and drove himself to the hospital for treatment for injuries from what Credit claims to have been an earlier altercation with four men. When Credit was arrested, there was a noticeable puncture wound to his head. more

‘Bumcrack bandit’ woman suspect in two latest shootings

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 17:30:00 +0000

Australia – A female robber dubbed the ‘Bumcrack Bandit’ may be behind the Gold Coast’s latest shooting, in the same suburb where police officer Damian Leeding was gunned down. Wearing low-slung jeans, the woman showed a lot more than just athleticism as she vaulted the bar at the Coomera Lodge Hotel with a silver pistol in one hand. CCTV cameras captured images of her rear-end as she leapt the counter and, together with a male accomplice, fled the premises with the cash drawer and alcohol. Full Article

Man dead in recliner ‘a couple days’

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 19:13:00 +0000

Pennsylvania – A northeast Philadelphia man left out some vital information when he called 9-1-1 at 6 a.m. to report that his mother was experiencing chest pains. As paramedics were taking the 78-year-old woman out of the Kirkwood Road home on a stretcher, he mentioned that his pop was lounging in a recliner. Dead. For awhile now. “When the rescue guys are taking mom out, he says, ‘Can you take my dad with you?’ ” said a source in Northeast Detectives. Full Article

Blind Man Missing During Trip on Amtrak Train

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 19:24:00 +0000

Washington DC – The family of 33-year-old Mitchell Malik Smith says he boarded a train at Union Station. He was headed to Birmingham, Ala., a trip he had taken many times before. Somehow he ended up on a train bound for New Orleans. A woman from Virginia who sat across the aisle from Smith said she heard Amtrak workers tell him he could get off at Charlotte and take another train several hours later to Birmingham. But his family has not seen or heard from him since. Full Article

Man attacked couple with Tiki torch

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 19:23:00 +0000

Aloha, Oregon – Washington County deputies say they arrested a man after he broke into an Aloha home and attacked a couple with a Tiki torch. Matthew Zamora, 28, is accused of breaking into the home through a back door while the couple slept. Zamora swung the torch at the husband and hit him. The homeowner then grabbed a handgun and pointed it at Zamora. Zamora ended up climbing out of a bathroom window wearing underwear, socks and a bandana around his neck. Full Article

Fruitcake From 1941 Sells for $525

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 15:59:00 +0000

Cincinnati, Ohio – A 1941 fruitcake has sold for $525 to an Arizona man in an Ohio company’s online auction, and the money will go to the homeless in southwest Ohio. Elite Estate Group sold the cake in an auction on its website. Company owner Larry Chaney says the man, who wanted to remain anonymous, probably bought the cake as an investment. Chaney says he doubts anyone would eat a 70-year-old fruitcake even though it was vacuum packed and contained rum that probably helped preserve it. Full Article

Robert De Niro becomes 6th-time dad at 68

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 15:59:00 +0000

New York – Hollywood film star Robert De Niro has become a father for the sixth time at age 68. Helen Grace, De Niro’s second child with wife Grace Hightower, was born via surrogate and weighed in at 7 pounds, 2 ounces, the actor’s publicist said. The couple met in 1987 and are also the parents of a 13-year-old son named Elliot.

Full Article

105-pound woman wins turkey-eating contest

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 14:43:00 +0000

NEW YORK, Va., Nov. 24 (UPI) -- A Virginia woman weighing in at 105 pounds took home the top prize at a New York contest by wolfing down nearly an entire turkey in 10 minutes.105-pound woman wins turkey-eating contest

6th grader forced to mow school lawn

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 14:42:00 +0000

Portland, Oregon – A sixth-grader with special needs was pulled out of class and reportedly forced to mow the school lawn as a punishment. Alice Ott Middle School student, 11-year-old Kyron Sloan, has ADD, Asperger’s and maybe a medical condition, which doctors are still trying to figure out, causing him to sleep. Sloan’s mother, Kristi Sloan-Ceron, said her son’s counselor decided his punishment for falling asleep in class should be to mow the lawn. Full Article

Woman Tells Airline Her Ex-Lover Is Terror Threat

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 14:41:00 +0000

Los Angeles, California – A California woman surrendered to the FBI on charges that she called an airline to report a fake terrorist threat hours before her ex-lover was to board an international flight, authorities said. Temple City resident Lizet Sariol called United Airlines to say there would be an emergency on a Las Vegas to Paris flight, according to a criminal complaint filed by the federal government. Prosecutors allege the 45-year-old woman was seeking revenge on a man who she’d had sexual encounters with over four meetings — and who had just unfriended her on Facebook, among other rejections. Full Article

FBI arrests 7 in Amish haircut attacks

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 14:37:00 +0000

Millersburg, Ohio – Authorities raided the compound of a breakaway Amish group in eastern Ohio and arrested seven men on federal hate crime charges in hair-cutting attacks against Amish men and women. Among those arrested were the group’s leader, Sam Mullet (picture), and three of his sons, said Mike Tobin, a spokesman for the U.S. attorney’s office in Cleveland. Several members of the group carried out the attacks in September and October by forcefully cutting the beards and hair of Amish men and women. Cutting the hair is a highly offensive act to the Amish, who believe the Bible instructs women to let their hair grow long and men to grow beards and stop shaving once they marry. Full Article

Man stole goat, served it at barbecue

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 23:37:00 +0000

Texas – A man accused of stealing a Lakeway man’s goat and then serving it at a barbecue has been charged with felony theft. Javier Aguirre, 27, was in custody at the Travis County Jail. Inmate records indicate he also is charged with possession of a controlled substance and is being detained for immigration reasons. An arrest affidavit said that a Lakeway man called police to report that his 7-month-old goat had been stolen from pens behind his home. The thief used bolt cutters to gain access to the pen. The victim told police he heard from an acquaintance that Aguirre had stolen the goat. Full Article

Women with Sexy Eyes May Be Forced to Cover Them Up

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 23:36:00 +0000

Riyadh, Saudi Arabia – Saudi women with attractive eyes may be forced to cover them up, the news website Bikya Masr reported, in a move that could mark the latest repressive measure taken against women by the Islamic state. A spokesperson for Saudi Arabia’s Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice (CPVPV), Sheikh Motlab al Nabet, said the committee had the right to stop women revealing tempting eyes in public. Women in Saudi Arabia already have to cover their hair, and, in some regions, their faces while in public. If they do not, they face punishments including fines and public floggings. Full Article

The weirdest pregnancy craving ever: Woman wants roadkill

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 14:49:00 +0000

England – Pregnant women are known for eating unusual foods: peanut butter and pickle sandwiches, olives on cheesecake, even garden dirt. But a woman living in England is craving something far weirder. Alison Brierley of Harrogate, North Yorkshire, is in the news for eating roadkill. The artist and mother-to-be has long been making jewelery from the hides, claws, teeth and bones of dead animals that she finds on the road. She calls herself a “roadkill recycler.” And then Brierley got pregnant and she developed intense cravings for roadkill meat. more

Parking ticket paid 57 years late

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 14:59:00 +0000

York, Nebraska – Someone apparently decided it was time to pay a parking ticket issued to his mother in a small Nebraska town — in 1954. An anonymous man cleaning out his mother’s home found the unpaid ticket issued to a vehicle license in Oklahoma that was parked at Meter 77 in downtown York, Neb., July 13, 1954, and decided it was time to take care of the matter. The man walked into the office of York Police Chief Don Klug and, unseen by the official, left the fine — a single dime taped to the ticket inside an antique frame — on the chief’s desk. more

5 charged in Halloween candy theft

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 17:21:00 +0000

Dale City, Virginia – Police in Virginia say five teenagers have been charged with beating two youngsters who wouldn’t hand over their Halloween candy. Prince William County Police report one robber implied he had a handgun when the group confronted a pair of trick-or-treaters. Four of the teenagers are juveniles, ages 16 and 17, and their names have not been released. The fifth alleged robber, 19-year-old Andre Diggs, is being held without bond. more

Man peed in bank tube

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 17:20:00 +0000

Palm Coast, Florida – Authorities in Florida said a disgruntled bank customer urinated into a drive-in bank tube and the waste spilled onto the lap of another customer. A man pulled up to the drive-in lane at RBC Bank in Palm Coastnand asked if he could buy a money order, the Orlando Sentinel reported. The man became upset when the teller told him money orders were not available and drove away a few moments later. The next customer at the drive-in picked up the tube and liquid — believed to be the man’s urine — spilled onto her lap and the interior of her vehicle. more

Food request for preacher’s wife sparks outrage

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 12:16:00 +0000

Garden Grove, California – An email sent out to members of the Crystal Cathedral congregation requesting meals for founder Robert H. Schuller’s wife Arvella, who is ill with pneumonia, is creating mixed feelings of sadness and outrage among members. An email was sent out by administrators to Bible study groups as well as church elders, asking that meals for the reverend’s wife be dropped off at the cathedral’s Tower of Hope where the Schullers’ limo drivers will be waiting to pick them up at the designated time. ”These are millionaires who have limos and chauffeurs,” he said. “Why in God’s name would they want the congregants to deliver meals? It’’s ludicrous,” said a member. more

Groom sues photographer, demands new wedding

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 12:15:00 +0000

New York – One groom, disappointed with his wedding photos, decided to sue. The photographers had missed the last dance and the bouquet toss, the groom, Todd J. Remis of Manhattan, said. But what is striking, said the studio that took the pictures, is that Mr. Remis’s wedding took place in 2003 and he waited six years to sue. And not only has Mr. Remis demanded to be repaid the $4,100 cost of the photography, he also wants $48,000 to recreate the entire wedding and fly the principals to New York so the celebration can be re-shot by another photographer. Re-enacting the wedding may pose a particular challenge, the studio pointed out, because the couple divorced and the bride is believed to have moved back to her native Latvia. more

Stupid News Police seek pink bikini burglar

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 11:40:00 +0000

Indiana – Indianapolis Metropolitan Police released surveillance video showing a man inside the Kidscape Learning Center in southwest Indianapolis. The video shows the man – described as white or Hispanic and 5-foot-5 to 5-foot-7 with a long, black ponytail – trying on girl’s bathing suits, police said in a release. Apparently finding a pink two-piece to his liking, he keeps it on as he explores the day care. After about 10 minutes, the man jumps over a counter, setting off a motion detector alarm. He then leaps back over the counter, changes back into his original clothes and leaves the business. More

Man Mistakes The Moon For UFO

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 11:39:00 +0000

UK – A Hertfordshire, U.K. man must be feeling pretty embarrassed after making an emergency call to report a mysterious flying object, which turned out to be nothing less than the moon itself. Or was it just a bad prank? “It’s not an emergency per se,” the caller says to the dispatcher, “but there’s something flying over our house. Um, It’s coming towards me now, there’s all this light blazing. I don’t know what the hell it is!” The call was received after 8 p.m. on a recent, night according to the Metro. The caller seems fairly serious — even panicked — but it’s hard to imagine anyone could make this type of mistake. more

Bloody Mary Ghost Story Happy Halloween

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 15:12:00 +0000

She lived deep in the forest in a tiny cottage and sold herbal remedies for a living. Folks living in the town nearby called her Bloody Mary, and said she was a witch. None dared cross the old crone for fear that their cows would go dry, their food-stores rot away before winter, their children take sick of fever, or any number of terrible things that an angry witch could do to her neighbors.
Then the little girls in the village began to disappear, one by one. No one could find out where they had gone. Grief-stricken families searched the woods, the local buildings, and all the houses and barns, but there was no sign of the missing girls. A few brave souls even went to Bloody Mary's home in the woods to see if the witch had taken the girls, but she denied any knowledge of the disappearances. Still, it was noted that her haggard appearance had changed. She looked younger, more attractive. The neighbors were suspicious, but they could find no proof that the witch had taken their young ones.
Then came the night when the daughter of the miller rose from her bed and walked outside, following an enchanted sound no one else could hear. The miller's wife had a toothache and was sitting up in the kitchen treating the tooth with an herbal remedy when her daughter left the house. She screamed for her husband and followed the girl out of the door. The miller came running in his nightshirt. Together, they tried to restrain the girl, but she kept breaking away from them and heading out of town.
The desperate cries of the miller and his wife woke the neighbors. They came to assist the frantic couple. Suddenly, a sharp-eyed farmer gave a shout and pointed towards a strange light at the edge of the woods. A few townsmen followed him out into the field and saw Bloody Mary standing beside a large oak tree, holding a magic wand that was pointed towards the miller's house. She was glowing with an unearthly light as she set her evil spell upon the miller's daughter.
The townsmen grabbed their guns and their pitchforks and ran toward the witch. When she heard the commotion, Bloody Mary broke off her spell and fled back into the woods. The far-sighted farmer had loaded his gun with silver bullets in case the witch ever came after his daughter. Now he took aim and shot at her. The bullet hit Bloody Mary in the hip and she fell to the ground. The angry townsmen leapt upon her and carried her back into the field, where they built a huge bonfire and burned her at the stake.
As she burned, Bloody Mary screamed a curse at the villagers. If anyone mentioned her name aloud before a mirror, she would send her spirit to revenge herself upon them for her terrible death. When she was dead, the villagers went to the house in the wood and found the unmarked graves of the little girls the evil witch had murdered. She had used their blood to make her young again.
From that day to this, anyone foolish enough to chant Bloody Mary's name three times before a darkened mirror will summon the vengeful spirit of the witch. It is said that she will tear their bodies to pieces and rip their souls from their mutilated bodies. The souls of these unfortunate ones will burn in torment as Bloody Mary once was burned, and they will be trapped forever in the mirror.

Boat captain arrested for drunken driving (Reuters)

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 15:58:00 +0000

Reuters - The captain of a supply boat was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving after his vessel ran aground early on Thursday in Anchorage's...Boat captain arrested for drunken driving (Reuters)

Police: Woman hid crack pipe in Bible

noreply@blogger.com (Staff) — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 15:56:00 +0000

FORT PIERCE, Fla., Oct. 29 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said they found a crack pipe concealed in a Bible being carried by a woman busted for walking with an open alcohol container.Police: Woman hid crack pipe in Bible