Stupid Punts!

Advice To The DPD Scammer

2021-02-22T12:20:00.001+00:00

If you are going to try to scam people, at least learn to spell "courier" and try to lay your email out in a more professional manner!

God Wants Trillions

2020-05-18T15:16:00.000+01:00

I received this fascinating missive from "GOD" yesterday, threatening to blow me up along with a number of other things, including my tea!

Rather than just asking for a few thousands, "GOD" goes all in and asks me to transfer trillions to his bank account; he then rounds off his message by calling me "SATAN".

Well that's a new on one me!

Name: GOD

Email: chinacoronavirusdeath@gmail.com

Message:
THE NEW CRIME IS CHINA CORONAVIRUS AND ITS CALLED DEATH. ITS NO WAY YOU CAN RUN AWAY FROM IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SINNERS WHO HAVE NOT REPENTED THEIR SINS TO KING JESUS CHRIST AND NOW ITS TOO LATE. LOCK DOWN THESE EVIL SINNERS FOR 1000 YEARS IN JAIL.
CHINA, NORTH & SOUTH KOREA, JAPAN, THAILAND AND YOU ALL ARE THE DEVIL PARTS THAT BORROWED TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS FROM US. WE WANT OUR MONEY BACK RIGHT NOW IN THE NAME OF KING JESUS CHRIST.
SEND OUR MONEY YOU ALL BORROWED FROM US TO RIGHT NOW. YOU ALREADY HAVE CHINA CORONAVIRUS DEATH AND GOING TO THE LAKE OF THE FIRE SO WHY ARE YOU HOLDING OUR MONEY YOU BORROWED WHEN YOU ARE DEATH.
IF YOU DO NOT SEND OUR MONEY RIGHT NOW IN THE NAME OF KING JESUS CHRIST YOUR BODY, PHONE, COMPUTER, HOUSE, CLOTHES, SHOES, HOT & COLD TEA, BANKS, WAREHOUSE, UNIFORM, EVERYTHING WILL BLOW UP WITH FIRE FROM THE BOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SEND OUR TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS RIGHT NOW IN THE NAME OF JESUS!
THE BLOOD OF KING JESUS CHRIST AGAINST YOU SATAN!
ROUTING NUMBER 031101279
ACCOUNT NUMBER 222107423613
IN THE NAME OF KING JESUS CHRIST,
GOD

The Dangers of Spontaneously Combusting Barclays Debit Cards

2019-06-28T09:23:00.003+01:00

Advice To Spammers

2017-03-13T10:41:00.003+00:00

TURN THE CAPTION LOCK OFF!

Advice To Spammers

2016-02-03T09:48:00.002+00:00

When spamming me it is best to write in English, as I tend not to bother translating spam that is in a foreign language.

Advice To Paypal Fraudsters

2015-09-29T11:00:00.000+01:00

You might want to spell check you fraudulent emails before you send them out, as the last time I checked "customer" was not spelled "Costommer"!

Oppurtunity Knocks!

2015-09-24T11:34:00.001+01:00

Dear scammers,

You will find that "opportunity" is not spelled "oppurtunity"!

Thank you.

02031577156 Scamming Scumbags

2015-09-17T11:21:00.001+01:00

Scamming scumbags, claiming to be from Windows, are calling from this number 02031577156.

Block them and report them.

Advice To Scammers

2015-08-20T09:53:00.002+01:00

Asking me if I am "dead or alive" in the subject line really is idiotic, even by your standards!

Advice To Barrister Michael Koffigoh

2015-02-26T09:05:00.006+00:00

I believe the word you are groping for is "message", not "massage", re the text in the email you sent me:

"PLEASE KINDLY OPEN MY ATTACHMENT READ MY MASSAGE AND GET BACK TO ME IS VERY IMPORTANT IS ABOUT MY LATE CLIENT A CITIZEN OF YOUR COUNTRY."

Cretin!

Advice To Scammers

2015-02-03T09:03:00.001+00:00

When trying to convince the gullible and naive that there is a 20 foot container waiting for them at a port, it is advisable to get the technical terms just right.

To this end, you will find that the term is "bill of lading" not "bill of ladin".

Am I Dead yet?

2014-03-26T08:23:00.001+00:00

My thanks to the scammer who sent me a message with the following subject line:

"ARE YOU DEAD? IF YOU ARE NOT DEAD CONTACT IMMEDIATELY‏"

As far as I am aware, I am not dead yet. However, dead or alive, I won't waste my time contacting the scammer.

Question For Scammers

2014-03-02T10:18:00.005+00:00

I have a couple of questions wrt the "hot new penis pills" that you keep trying to flog me.

- Do you mean the pills are hot (in the sense that they burn), if so they sound dangerous?

- Are the pills to be taken by my penis, if so is that not very uncomfortable?

Advice To Scammers

2014-02-17T10:30:00.002+00:00

The phrase "my late husband died" is tautology, if you are going to try to scam someone at least have the wit to do it in a grammatically correct fashion.

Laugh of The Day

2013-09-25T10:38:00.000+01:00

Out of all the spam and phishing emails I receive on a daily basis, offering me loans etc, I contend that an "organisation" that purports to call itself "UK COMIC FINANCE" is the least likely to be taken seriously!

Erections of Iron

2013-09-11T09:14:00.003+01:00

My thanks to the spammer who keeps offering me a product that will, allegedly, give me "erections of iron".

However, the trouble with iron is that it rusts.

Question Re Penis Pills

2013-03-09T13:02:00.001+00:00

My thanks to the spammer who sent me an advert for "cheap penis pills".

However, please could he/she tell me how the hell my penis is meant to take a pill?

Worried About Identity Theft?

2013-02-04T12:22:00.002+00:00

Worried about identity theft?

Ask a policeman!

Twitter Hacked

2013-02-02T10:47:00.006+00:00

As per Reuters, Twitter has been hacked and the passwords of up to 250,000 accounts have been compromised:

"Anonymous hackers attacked Twitter this week and may have gained access to passwords and other information for as many as 250,000 user accounts, the microblog revealed late on Friday.

Twitter said in a blog post that the passwords were encrypted and that it had already reset them as a "precautionary measure," and that it was in the process of notifying affected users.

The blog post noted recent revelations of large-scale cyber attacks against the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal, but unlike the two news organizations, Twitter did not provide any detail on the origin or methodology of the attacks.

"This attack was not the work of amateurs, and we do not believe it was an isolated incident," Twitter said. "The attackers were extremely sophisticated, and we believe other companies and organizations have also been recently similarly attacked."

Privately held Twitter, which has 200 million active monthly users, said it was working with government and federal law enforcement officials to track down the attackers.

The company did not specifically link the attacks to China in the blog post, in contrast to the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal, which both said the hackers originated in China.

Twitter, the social network known for its 140-character messages, could not speculate on the origin of the attacks as its investigation was ongoing, said spokesman Jim Prosser.

"There is no evidence right now that would indicate that passwords were compromised," said Prosser.

The attack is not the first time that hackers have breached Twitter's systems and gained access to Twitter user information. Twitter signed a consent decree with the Federal Trade Commission in 2010, subjecting the company to 10 years of independent privacy reviews, for failing to safeguard users' personal information."

Advice To The Spammer "Central Bank of Nigeria"

2013-01-25T11:11:00.001+00:00

Many thanks for your enquiry, subject line "Are you dead?", please be assured I am not dead!

Advice To Spammers

2013-01-17T14:36:00.000+00:00

You will find that the name of the organisation which you are pretending to work for is spelt "Halifax" not "Haliofax"!

Pills For My Penis

2013-01-09T10:57:00.002+00:00

My thanks to the spammer who sent me a spam email with the subject line:

"Pills For Your Penis"

Errmm, one question, precisely how should my penis take these pills?

David Cameron Offers Me £2M

2012-12-11T10:28:00.000+00:00

I am deeply "honoured" to have received a message from David Cameron the Prime Minister.

Seemingly he has £2M that he believes is owed to me and, moreover, his colleague William Hague (the Foreign Secretary) needs my personal details in order for me to receive this money.

Hmmmm....

"Our ref: ATM/13470/IDR
Your ref:...Date: 29/11/2012

IMMEDIATE PAYMENT NOTIFICATION

I am The Rt Hon David Cameron MP,Prime Minister, First Lord of the Treasury and Minister for the Civil Service British Government. This letter is to officially inform you that (ATM Card Number 5454 7168 0041 0640) has been accredited with your favor. Your Personal Identification Number is 1090.The VISA Card Value is 2,000,000.00(Two Million, Great British Pounds Sterling).

This office will send to you an Visa Card/ATM CARD that you will use to withdraw your funds in any ATM MACHINE CENTER or Visa card outlet in the world with a maximum of ?5000 GBP daily.Further more,You will be required to re-confirm the following information to enable;The Rt Hon William Hague MP First Secretary of State for British Foreign & Commonwealth Affairs. begin in processing of your ATM Card.

(1)Full names: (2)Address: (3)Country: (4)Nationality: (5)Phone #: (6)Age: (7)Occupation: (8) Post Codes

Rt Hon .William Hague MP
First Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs
Email;minister.affairs@superposta.com

TAKE NOTICE: That you are warned to stop further communications with any other person(s) or office(s) different from the staff of the State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs to avoid hitches in receiving your payment.

Regards,
Rt Hon David Cameron MP
Prime Minister"

Advice To Spammers and Scammers

2012-11-21T15:34:00.001+00:00

The word is "notification" not "motification"!

George Osborne Writes

2012-11-15T12:34:00.004+00:00

I am touched and flattered that "George Osborne" (Chancellor of the Exchequer) has written to me personally, offering me $16.5M.

However, I am surprised that "Osborne" doesn't know that it is in fact "Her Majesty's Treasury" not "Her Majesty Treasury".

Could it be that this is a scam?

Surely not!

URGENT AND IMPORTANT MATTER/Her Majesty
Treasury
The Chancellor of the Exchequer
The Correspondence & Enquiry Unit
2/W1 HM Treasury
1 Horse Guards Road
London
SW1A 2HQ

Attention: Beneficiary,

My name is Mr. George Osborne, The Chancellor of the Exchequer,Correspondence & Inquiry Unit, Her Majesty Treasury Adviser to the Her Majesty Treasury. I'm directed to contact you by the Queen's Counsel to confirm from you, if actually you know one Mr. Fredrick Williams who claim to be your business associate/ partner in London.

The said Mr. Fredrick Williams who claims that you are dead, and that he is the bonafide beneficiary of your funds in our possession. That he will like to change all the Information that you gave to one of our bank here in London. To avoid what happened in the past, the Queen's Counsel has concluded arrangement through diplomatic means to have this fund delivered to you.

This development is coming now that HM Treasury want to offset all our outstanding payments to all our legal foreign beneficiaries’ around the world in which your payment file was affected.

As you may know, the total amount in your favor is a total sum of $16.5million U.S Dollars. We need to confirm from you if it's really true that you are dead. If we do not hear from you, it automatically means that you are actually dead and the information passed to us by Mr. Christopher Gonzales is correct.

You are to contact me through my email address as soon as you receive this message so as to know the true position of things, by using diplomatic means. HM Treasury is trying to avoid the mistake of remitting your out-standing payment to a wrong person/account.

Your swift response will help this ministry allot. Do email me with your information below:

1. Full Name:
2. Resident Address:
3. Nationality:
4. Age/Date of Birth:
5. Profession, age and marital status:
6. Your Office; Telephone and fax. Phone:
7. Mobile Telephone:
8. State of Origin: Country:
9. Copy of valid International passport or Drivers License:
10.Your private email address:

Upon the receipt of this mail kindly send the required information for more directives.

Best Regards,

Mr. George Osborne.
For Queen's Counsel Her Majesty Treasury.