Stupid Sports

Mr NBA James

Tim — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 22:56:13 +0000

Where will he end up? Normally I don’t care about the NBA, but here’s some words to consider.

If he wants to win the NBA title, he’s not far in Cleveland. Just add the two pieces and don’t add to your own contract.

If he wants the most money, go wherever that is and be done and don’t pretend you care about winning.

There’s no reason to go to Chicago (which isn’t closer to a title than the Cavs) unless his goal is to be the best ever and he thinks he can take Jordan down by winning titles with Jordan’s team.

The Nets? Nyets? I don’t care if the owner gives him his body weight in rubles, potato skins and 23% of the franchise. Don’t be a star in New Jersey if you can help it.

The reason to stay in Cleveland? It makes you look like a good guy and if you win, you bring the first title to the city in forever. The last guy to win a title in Cleveland was, I think, Otto Graham. When was that? Here’s a hint – the name Otto was popular.

World Cup 6/23

Tim — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 18:05:42 +0000

Wait a minute – was that the US team actually doing something… clutch? I’m not sure the national team has come through when it needed it most, perhaps ever. Congrats to them and a matchup with (likely) either Germany or Serbia.

You can never really feel bad about making it out of the group stage -no matter what comes next.

World Cup

Tim — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 21:04:17 +0000

I cannot believe the break the USA just got.

Vuvuzela

Tim — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 17:39:55 +0000

For anyone who wants to hear that sound all the time…

www.boogieblast.co.za/

Paraguay

Tim — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 18:57:17 +0000

Seriously, what’s with the uniforms? We got sideways stripes, solids, numbers and the back is stripes, then a space for the number and then stripes again. The Kansas City Kings had a better kit than this. The Denver Broncos’ vertical striped socks were better than this. Honestly, I have played for co-ed softball teams with a nicer look.

Like Jersey Shore?

Tim — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 13:21:58 +0000

From the people who brought you the ‘Jersey Shore’ comes ‘Utah Shore’, from the coastline fo the Great Salt Lake. See a group of 20-something friends who got married at 21 and had 3 kids by 25. With skin colors ranging from pale to translucent, they don’t drink alcohol, smoke, wear short pants and can’t touch caffeine. Enjoy their hilarious adventures as the group stays up past 8 pm, the women try to wear a tank top in public without being arrested and the boys bypass Playboy magazine for the Book of Moroni.

If you love Jersey Shore but hate drunks, cursing, orange women and kids who can’t dress themselves= you’ll LOVE Utah Shore. Coming soon to Animal Planet.

Nationals

Tim — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 14:58:19 +0000

Yeah- in my Major League debut I stuck out 14, walked none, gave up 4 hits in 7 innings and stuck out the last 7 guys I faced while hitting 101 mph a few times along the way. Yepper, that’s exactly what I did. Struck out 14, stuck out the side on 11 pitches, got the win – this is exactly what happened to me.

Travis Henry

Tim — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 13:43:11 +0000

Yesterday I saw someone wearing a Denver Broncos Travis Henry jersey.

I’m trying to decide – do you think they respect Henry for fathering 9 children with 9 different women
-or-
do they respect him for being arrested for financing a cocaine trafficking ring?

Tough choice.

Jeff Goldblum Top Ten

Tim — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 21:26:04 +0000

Top Ten Messages I Want Jeff Goldblum to Leave on my Answering Machine.

10. Bitch, please!

9. I am the living model of a modern major general

8. You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.

7. Who wants pie?

6. Obsequious

5. Have you met Ted?

4. The atomic number of Thulium is 69

3. Oh, snap!

2. Does this miniskirt make my butt look big?

1. Bazinga

When is this the best thing to hear at the dentist?

Tim — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 16:01:12 +0000

“We’re going to extract the tooth.”