Stupidation

Harry Potato and the Worthless stone - IX

2010-08-02T21:52:00.000-07:00

To read Part - VIII, click here.

The next day, Harry, Pong and Hermione were at Horrid's hut. Pong knocked on the door.
The giant flung open the wooden door and said "Hey guys,"
"Hi Horrid. We were wondering if we could talk to you about something."
"Sure. But I won't be sharing any candies and my chocolate cake."
"Okay." Hermione smiled. Harry and Pong weren't happy though.

"Okay, so what do you want to know?" Horrid spoke with cake in his mouth.
"It's about Professor Escape. He's been trying to get past that three headed clown."
"Hey," Horrid was surprised. "Who told you about Clowny?"
"Clowny?" Hermione screamed. "That thing has a name?"
"Of course it does. Everyone has a name. So, I decided to give it a name too. I brought him at a Circus. They were forcing the poor guy to juggle. I gave him a piece of this chocolate cake and he followed me," Horrid pointed at the cake.
"But Professor Escape said mean things to Harry." Hermione interrupted.
"Like?"
"Getting sucked into a Vacuum cleaner."
"I was about to say that..." Pong said.
"And then there was the swallowing a dust ball and ending up being French fries."
"Again, I was about to say that. He even stared at me." Pong added.
"What does that have to do with saying mean things to Harry?" Horrid demanded.
"I had to say something," Pong looked up. Horrid, Harry and Hermione ignored him.

"Anyway," Harry said. "Why do you need a three headed clown in a school?"
"Listen to me. All three of you," Horrid cleared his throat. "What that Clown is guarding is strictly between Professor Dumpydoor and Nicholas Smell."
"What kind of a name is that? And who is Nicholas Smell?"
"No more questions. Now, leave. I've got to finish this cake."

Harry, Hermione and Pong left Horrid's hut. Harry kept wondering who Nicholas Smell was while Pong was thinking about the Chocolate cake.
Hermione looked at Harry and said "You should go to the Library and look for Nicholas Smell, Harry."
"I am scared of the dark. Why don't you guys come along."
"You're a real Potato. Nobody will recognize you."
"Even though that doesn't make any sense, I'll go." Harry said.

That night, Harry found himself in the library. After looking for Nicholas Smell everywhere, he managed to find a book. It spoke about why Nicholas had got that name. It said - Three years of avoiding a bath, he deserved that name. So kids, remember to take a bath.
Harry searched everywhere. All the books spoke about Nicholas Smell not taking a bath. None of them had anything about the thing Clowny was guarding.

Finally, harry left the library disappointed. He was now lost and couldn't find his way back to the Dormitory. He kept walking and arrived at a large classroom. This particular room was never used. It was dusty. But propped against the wall was a huge mirror.
The mirror looked like it didn't belong in that room. It looked as if someone had just put it there to keep it out of the way.

Harry moved nearer to the mirror and stepped in front of it. It was a reflection of a Supermarket. There were shelves on both the sides. The shelves were filled with vegetables. Most of them were potatoes. In between them were two odd veggies. There was Broccoli and Spinach. To his surprise, harry found them waving back at him.

"Hello Harry." there was a voice from behind. Harry jumped and fell on his back.
"Why did you scare me," Harry looked at the man. "Professor Dumpydoor?"
"Sorry about scaring you Harry. So, you have found this Mirror too."
"Sir, I was just," Harry said.
"So what do you see in it, Harry?"
"A Supermarket with lots of potatoes. I forgot to tell you earlier," Harry said. "Saving the potatoes was my job. But, I..."
"You forgot about it and got on the train to Togwarts." Professor Dumpydoor smiled. "I am glad you did Harry. There was a huge potato sale that day. The people at the Supermarket might have picked you off the shelves. You're a real Potato remember?" (to be continued)

The Art Lessons

2010-07-31T22:12:00.000-07:00

My mom wanted her sons to be swimmers. One of those sons hated water and pretended to be allergic to it. So, the other was forced into swimming. Unfortunately, that was me.

After the horrible Trip to Water Hell, my mom signed me up for Art lessons.
She stood near our car and looked excited "Guess what? I just signed you up for Art Lessons."
Those two words were enough to scare a seven year old. I ran around our front yard screaming. My mom caught me after five minutes of chasing.
"Okay. That was a good chase. Now let's go."

We arrived at a white building. There were many women by the Parking lot. They were my mom's friends and were waving at our car. My mom was going to wait for me until I got back from the class.
I walked in with my backpack. With me were a few more kids. All being forced into something called Art.

After walking around for a few minutes, I found a seat and set all my paints on the table. A guy arrived. He looked at all of us and said "Hello kids. Welcome to your art lessons. For the first lesson, you can draw whatever you like..."
I started painting. Mr. Art teacher kept walking around and commenting on everybody's art. Finally, he arrived at my table.
"That's a really nice painting of..." he stared at the paper for a few minutes. "a dog holding a stick in his hand and blowing fire from his mouth?"
"Actually, that's a dragon. See, he's destroying the city here and that's a building in his hand. It happens to be the place where my neighbor works."
"Oh, okay." Mr. Art teacher was shocked. He looked at my painting again and said "Very good. You may continue."

After one hour, I was done with my painting. Mr. Art teacher wanted everyone to bring their paper to the front. I was really excited to show him my finished art. My turn arrived and I walked to him with it.
He looked at it closely and said "So, you've added a few more buildings at the back and... a huge cow?"
"That's not a cow," I smiled at Mr. Art teacher. "It's a dragon. He was called by the first dragon since there was a lot more to destroy."
"Alright. And what's with all these monkeys?"
"These are people running around. If you look closely, there is one man holding a banner."
He looked at the drawing closely and read out the lines-

HELP! My Office was just eaten by a Dragon. Now, another Dragon is headed to my house. I wonder who told them about me.
Mr. Neighbor

"So, you were the one who told them about Mr. Neighbor?"
"Exactly..." I smiled at Mr. Art teacher. He handed my drawing after giving it a C and drew a grumpy expression on it.

"Now, I want you all to draw a flower. Remember to make it colorful and use only light shades. Alright, begin..."
Mr. Art teacher again decided to walk around and comment on paintings. He arrived near my table and screamed "Oh my god! What hideous thing is that?"
"That's the first dragon holding a flower."
"And this ugly head?" he pointed at the corner of the paper.
"That's the second dragon peeping inside the picture. They are giving this flower to Mr. Neighbor as a gift."

Everything that happened next took place in slow motion. Mr. Art teacher set down my drawing and looked at me "The dragon in this picture looks like a huge bird that's not been eating for a year. Son, you'll never be an artist."
The last part was enough to make me upset. That triggered my seven year old hands to pick the paintbrush and paint Mr. Art teacher's face.

I was escorted out of the building. Mr. Art teacher's face was all colorful. He handed my mom the drawings. Then, he gave us looks and left.
My mom had planned on showing my drawings to Mrs. Neighbor. After looking at the banner, she knew it wasn't a safe thing to do.

Image Source: Google Images

Show And Tell : The Secret

2010-07-29T21:35:00.000-07:00

Show and Tell was there again. Mrs. Yells at me was really angry after what I did with Spongy Man.

She stared at me and said "Can you please give a nice Show and Tell this time?"
"Yes!"

Mrs. Yells at me wanted me to go first this time "Alright, you can begin."
"Today for Show and Tell, I have this," I held out my clasped hands.
"Why don't you open your hands and show the class what you've brought."
"No! Today for Show and Tell, I refuse to show what I've brought."
"Why?" Mrs. Yells at me was surprised.
"There happen to be many reasons. But all I can say is, I refuse to talk about the thing in my hands."
"The idea of Show and Tell is to show the class..."
"In my hands is a mystery," I interrupted her. "This mystery will haunt you for the rest of your puny miserable lives. In my hands is a Secret which you will never know. You may beg or cry and even give me chocolates as a bribe. But NO! You guys will never get to see it."

"Well," Mrs. Yells at me had huge eyes now. "You may sit down in that case. Thank you for that wonderful Show and Tell."
"I am not done yet. As I was saying, I'll keep this secret away from everyone and hold my hands clasped this way forever. Nobody will know what's in them. Including the President."
"The president?" Miss Big Help sounded confused.
"Yes. I will later bury it somewhere safe so that nobody can have a look. And even if I show it to people, I'll never let you have a look, Miss Big Help!"
"Hey," she yelled.
"Can you hand it over..."
"No!" I interrupted Mrs. Yells at me again. "I won't bury it. I'll throw it far away in Space. That way, it will take astronauts millions of years to find it. This day will be remembered for when all you kids including the teacher never got to see the secret in my hands. This day will also be remembered for the Show and Tell that was never shown or told!"

Mrs. Yells at me was really angry. She came over and asked me to hand over the secret. I didn't want to. So, I ran. She chased me around the class and after five minutes of screaming, panting and yelling, I was caught. She opened my clasped hands.
The kids behind were all cheering. Everyone was expecting something really huge and shiny. But they were in for a shock when Mrs. Yells at me picked the secret from my hands and showed it to the entire class.

I was in the Principal's chamber. Mr. Principal wasn't happy. He stared at the secret. It was placed on his table. My parents were called and as always, they were stunned.
Mr. Principal looked at me and said "You did all that to keep a pebble in your hands?"
"That's not a pebble."
"Oh yeah, this is a white pebble." Mrs. Yells at me added.
"I should have listened to Agent 17.3 and Agent 16.2,"
"What's he talking about?" Mr. Principal asked my parents.
My mom looked like she hadn't heard a thing and my dad blurted out something.
"I'll tell you," I said. "Agent 17.3 and Agent 16.2 are aliens. They handed the white stone to me this morning and said that nobody's brain was as advanced as mine. They had warned me that your eyes could only see this as a white pebble and not as a strange thing found in space."

Everyone in the room were now shocked. They looked at each other but didn't say a thing. A little while later, it was confirmed that the pebble was a part of our Driveway. My parents were happy that the case was solved. Though, Mr. Principal and Mrs. Yells at me continued staring...

Image Source: Google Images

A Detective Story : Mr. Farmer's Disappearance

2010-07-26T21:46:00.000-07:00

Mr. Stupid and Lord Grumpy were detectives. Even though they were rivals, joining forces was a necessity for solving this particular case. Mr. Stupid opened the file. There it was, in red - "Mr. Farmer's peculiar disappearance!"

Mr. Stupid was a Private Eye. At least, it said so on his room's door. This was the same room where he had solved many cases. Like the one about "The Stolen Sneakers Bar from the Chamber of Food" and one on a "Numbers Racket".
Detective Grumpy had his Private Eye on the next street. He held a blank stare all the time. He had entered Mr. Stupid's room for the first time and didn't seem happy.

"I am here only because Dad asked me to." he looked at Mr. Stupid.
Maybe, Dad was another detective who had handed the case to Detective Grumpy. Mr. Stupid knew that cracking this case would be difficult. He held out a bag which had key evidences.
"What are these?" Detective Grumpy asked.
"This here will help us crack the case."
"Toys? Can we please do something else?"
"No," Mr. Stupid said. "Remember what Dad said."
"Alright," he wasn't happy. "Okay what do we play?"
"These toys should help present the chain of events that took place before Mr. Farmer's disappearance. Let's go back to the day when he went missing..."

It was a beautiful Sunday morning. Mr. Farmer has just woken up. He picks himself up from his bed and walks towards the kitchen. 20,000 feet above, the engines of flight 150 stop working for no reason. The Pilot forgets to turn it on and is now unaware that the huge white aircraft is losing altitude. Mr. Farmer casually looks out of the kitchen window and stares at the sea. He lights his stove to make some coffee. The Sea behind the Farmer's house is silent until a huge ship arrives. People on the ship are screaming. A few have jumped and the others are trying to find life jackets. The Captain of the cruise liner has just fallen asleep and nobody is able to wake him up...

"That was fun," Detective Grumpy stared. "I'll be downstairs."
"You can't leave this case here. We must solve it. We must find how Mr. Farmer disappeared."
"Forget it. I know where this will end up..."
"Remember what Dad said."
"Okay..." Detective Grumpy was angry. Mr. Stupid couldn't avoid his stares. But, he had a case to solve. So, he continued.

The cruise liner is now headed towards the blue house where Mr. Farmer lives. Meanwhile, the driver of a 30-car passenger train looks at the cruise liner. He can't believe his eyes but realizes that the ship will be charging towards the train pretty soon. The Driver makes a hasty decision and pulls a gear. The train is now going faster than before. It jumps the tracks and drags all the cars into the air behind it. As for the Aircraft, it is heading towards the ground. The Pilot tries to get the engine running but in vain. He gives up hope and waits wishing the aircraft survives the impact. The Cruise liner still has a sleeping Captain. The crew have just played a Trumpet next to his ear. But, he won't wake up.
In a freak coincidence, the Aircraft, the Train and the Cruise liner are all converging on one spot, Mr. Farmer's home...

"That's enough. Can't we do something else?"
"No," Mr. Stupid said. "This is an important case and we are almost done solving it."

Mr. Farmer takes his coffee and decides to go get the newspaper. He opens the front door only to find a passenger train charging at him. He turns around and looks up to find a white Aircraft falling at him. The farmer has nowhere to go. He runs towards the shed at the back of his home. He looks up hearing a lot of commotion. A cruise liner is headed towards him and he can't decide where to go. Finally, he runs to his home and hides inside a closet.
There is a KABOOM and then a BIFF. This is followed by a WHAM, a CRASH and two BOOMS. Finally, there is an OUCH and a POW.

This happens to be Reason #7 of the three bazillion ones why my brother never played with me. My Dad always forced him to. Though, after this incident, it was a long time since he dropped by my room.

Image Source: Google Images

Harry Potato and the Worthless stone - VIII

2010-07-23T21:51:00.000-07:00

To read Part - VII, click here.

The Sandwich season had begun. Harry would be playing in his first match: Corridor versus Superthin. Nobody knew Harry was a part of the Corridor team. Wood had kept it a secret as he knew people would be shocked to see a Potato on a Vacuum Cleaner.

In the changing rooms, Harry and the rest of the team changed into their robes. Everyone were excited except for Harry.
"Ahem," Wood cleared his throat for silence. He had to say it seventeen times to make everyone quite.
"OK, men," he said.
"And women," said a girl from the back.
"Who are you?"
"What? I have been on the team since last year." she wasn't happy.
"Okay, and women," Wood said. He looked at harry and smiled, "And Potatoes!"
"Hey! No need to mention that all the time."

The corridors left the changing room and arrived at the ground. They gathered around Madam Ouch who was sleeping.
"Madam Ouch, wake up. You are the referee." Wood spoke in a low voice.
"Oh yeah, sorry about that. Anyway, I want a nice fair game, all of you," she said. "Mount your Vacuum cleaners, please."
Harry got onto his Vacuumus 2000. It had a huge START button. Harry pressed it and waited. It rose high up into the air.
"Now, when I blow my whistle... where's my whistle..." Madam Ouch searched all her pockets. "Forget the whistle. I'll just count to three."
Harry was still not convinced that Madam Ouch was a flying instructor.
"Alright, get ready three - two - one - play..."

Wood flew high up and caught the black ball. He moved around quickly and managed to get it in one of the ring shaped goals. There were cheers everywhere.
A player from Superthin managed to dodge three defenders and land the black ball into a goal. The scores were level now. Harry waited for the Dust ball but it never arrived. Finally, he found it moving around. Harry pointed his Vacuumus 2000 towards the dust ball. He picked up speed and ran over it. The crowd was silent now. Everyone were shocked to find Harry who was looking sick.

"He's going to be sick." Hermione yelled while watching through her binoculars.
"What?" Pong looked through his. "Harry is holding his hand to his mouth. Now he's coughing. And now, there is a brown ball in his hand."
"Ewww..." the crowd screamed.
"No need to Ewww people, it's the Dust Ball. Corridor wins!" the commentator said.

There was a loud cheer. The Corridors were all celebrating. Pong and Hermione were cheering for Harry. Harry held out the Dust Ball to the crowd. It was all wet now. Even though the sight was disgusting, the cheers continued.

That evening, Harry, Pong and Hermione were in the great hall.
"You were amazing Harry!" Pong said.
"Thanks, Pong..." Harry smiled.
"Congratulations, Mr. Potato," There was a voice from behind. It was Professor Escape. "You did well in the game."
"Thank you, Sir."
"I hope you don't get sucked into that vacuum cleaner in your next game. Or worse, end up swallowing the Dust Ball."
"Don't worry. I don't fit in the Nozzle. And the Vacuumus 2000 comes with a Carpet Nozzle. That way, I can never get sucked in."
"A Carpet Nozzle? Wow. Can I borrow it for a day? The carpet in my Potions classroom needs a clean up."
"Sure. Can I get candies in exchange?"
"No," Professor Escape looked at Harry. "I almost forgot. There's one more thing. Don't end up turning into French fries. I love French fries!" He stared at Pong and left.
"Why did he stare at me?"
"I don't know." Hermione said.

Harry looked at Professor Escape. He was limping and his leg had a huge cut.
"Did you see the blood on his right leg?"
"Blood?" Pong and Hermione spoke together.
"Yeah. I guess last night, Escape tried to get past that three headed clown. But, he got bit and that's why he's limping."
"Why would anybody go near that thing?"
"I am sure it is guarding something and Professor Escape wants it. The restricted floor had the large McDonald's Golden Arches logo. And Escape said he loved French fries." (to be continued)

Back from Moon

2010-07-20T22:21:00.000-07:00

I am back from the Space Mission. It went really bad and the Green People from "Planet of Green people" weren't impressed.

We all arrived at the moon, my Grandparents house the other day. My brother didn't think it was wise to have me around. But, every trip needed me. So, I decided to join them.

We were at their house early in the morning. The Moon is a great place. Though, it does have lots of things that happen to be fragile. I found a tiny glass fish. Next to it was a glass ship. I picked them and held them high up. The next moment, they gained Superpowers and transformed into Super Fish and Super Ship.

I was now playing a decent Superhero game. It included flying and fighting with sounds. Super Fish and Super Ship charged towards each other and lost their Superpowers. They slipped from my hands and fell on a Coffee Table. Super Fish and Super Ship were now in a huge mess of shattered glass. What made the situation worse was a crack on the Coffee table. Who buys a Coffee table with a glass top?

Staying in the Moon was no longer safe. So, I wrote a secret note and placed it next to the mess. I was in the open and found a man sitting in his backyard. I walked to him "Hello!"
"Hi, how can I help you?" he smiled.
"I am your neighbor's grandson."
"Oh," his smile turned into a stare. "So, you were the one who pushed the Wedding Cake at her daughter's wedding."
"Yes. Actually, my brother was a part too. We were pushing the Wedding Cake around and..."
"And you pushed it into a Swimming Pool."
"Exactly."
"How didn't you notice a huge pool?"
"We never knew it had water. Anyway, I am going to the Park. Would you like to join me?"
"Well, okay."

We walked to the Park. Mr. Old Man looked at me and asked "What were you expecting in a Swimming Pool other than water?"
"Lots of things. But, we were testing if the cake would hold its shape on falling inside."
He wasn't happy with that answer.

We were at the Park and walked around for a few minutes. I suggested we sit on the grass. He looked around and sat down. We were speaking about the Swimming pool incident when I noticed a huge sign that read - "Do not walk on the Grass". The sign never mentioned sitting. So, I ignored it.
Mr. Old man saw the sign and said "I think we should leave. The sign says not to sit on the grass."
"No it doesn't. It says not to walk on the grass. Sitting is not mentioned."

I could remember everything that had happened four years ago - the reason why the Old People's Safety Department had begun. I had done a similar mistake then and Old People everywhere hated me.
The next moment, water started to splash on our faces. It wasn't raining. I looked closely and found a couple of sprinklers turning on. I got up and ran. Mr. Old man wasn't quick enough and got caught between a couple of sprinklers. He got out finally but was drenched and angry.
"I guess you're not supposed to sit either." Mr. Old man stared at me.

I got stares all the way until we reached his home. He was still dripping. I returned home and found my grandmother waiting. My parents were next to her and my brother was standing behind. They were all angry.
"I had nothing to do with this mess. I even left a note to prove my innocence."
"You mean this?" My brother held it out. He read out the secret note "I had nothing to do with Super Fish and Super Ship. Even the cracked Coffee Table!"
Maybe, the note wasn't very convincing. The door behind me flung open. There were four people and none of them were happy. Among the four was Mr. Old Man. He spoke to my grandmother for sometime. Everyone stared at me and this time, I couldn't leave Moon. Only if Super Fish and Super Ship had the power to regenerate.

Image Source: Google Images

Black and White Talk

2010-07-15T21:17:00.000-07:00

Mister Boo is my brother's friend. Even though he has a "Boo" in his name, we get along well. Every time I meet him, we have a stupid conversation.

A month back, he had arrived to meet my brother. In his hand was a large Photo album. I couldn't help notice it. So, I popped over.
"Mister Boo, what's that?"
"This here is my family's treasure."
"Wow. Are you planning to sell it?"
He stared at me and said "No! Treasure in the sense of importance. In this album are all my ancestors."
"Wow. How did they all fit into a small book?"
"Well, they had their pictures taken."
"Oh, and by ancestors, are there monkeys too?"
"Nope. Just my great grandparents and their parents and their relatives. My Dad's uncle, aunt and a few neighbors..."
"Neighbors? Why did you put them in a family photo album?"
"There was lots of room. Back to what's in this book - My mom's relatives. Her aunt's five cats..."
"Ahem. That's a lot of pictures. Anyway, let me have a look."
"Alright. But, the book is very fragile. Make sure you hold it right." he handed the book to me. All the pictures inside where in Black and White.

"I was thinking," Mister Boo looked at me. "How come old photographs are all in Black and White? Didn't they have color film back then?"
Both of us knew the answer. It was a NO. Since, he had started off, I couldn't end it that simple.
"Actually," I began. "They did have color film. In fact, all these photographs are in color. The world was black and white then."
"Wow. Really?"
"Yes. The world didn't turn color until 1920's. That was when the sun decided it should start sending colorful light rather than shades of gray."
"The Sun did that? Wow. But, why are old paintings in color? If the world was black and white back then, wouldn't the artists paint it that way?"
"Actually, most artists imagined a world filled with color. The Sun told a few others that it would one day send colorful light. The ones left were all crazy."
"But how could they have painted in color anyway? Their paints must have been only shades of gray. The sun sent colorful light only in the 1920's, remember?"
"Exactly. They did have only gray paints back then. But they all changed to color when the Sun sent in the colorful light."
"Didn't you say the Sun convinced some artists to paint in color?"
"I did. But, that was a lie which many artists told. They were just like the other crazy bunch. The ones who imagined the world colorful were all insane."
"Alright. But, if their black and white paintings changed to color, why didn't these photographs change too?"
"That's because, the Sun wanted to leave some evidence of a Black and White world. Presidents from every country agreed too..."

"You guys are crazy," there was a voice from behind. It was my brother. He was staring at me "That's the worst explanation for Black and White photography." He turned to Mister Boo and said, "Don't you have books to borrow?"
"I do," he took a few books from my brother and walked towards me. "We should get back to our conversation online..."
I didn't go online that day. I was out of any more explanations for how the world changed to color from Black and White.

Image Source: Google Images

P.S - I will be at the Moon for an important space mission. So, wait for me until Wednesday. If I'm not back, send in a Space Shuttle to Planet of Green People. Keep roaming in the space until you find a poster which says - "We are the Green People!". The guys in it might have abducted me. I will be away from all your wonderful blogs until I get back. Hope you all have a great weekend!

Harry Potato and the Worthless stone - VII

2010-07-13T22:40:00.000-07:00

To read Part - VI, click here.

The staircase finally stopped dancing and turned towards the Corridor Tower. Harry, Pong and Hermione got off and hurried to their dormitories.
Pong was angry, "What do they think they're doing, keeping a thing like that locked up in a School?"
"I don't know..." said Harry.

They ran until they reached the portrait of the man with the ski mask and the large hat.
"Password?"
"We dooon't have a Password."
"Wow. Finally somebody got it right on their first try. Nobody get's the don't correct..."
"Will you just open the door?" Hermione yelled.
"Alright. No need to yell. You may enter." The portrait flung open.

"Who keeps a three headed clown in a School?" Pong was still furious.
"Maybe, it lives there." said Harry.
Hermione interrupted, "You don't use your eyes, do you? Didn't you see what it was standing on?"
"No," Pong and Harry spoke together.
"It was standing on a trapdoor. It's guarding something."

The next day, Harry and Wood were in the grounds. Since, Harry was the new Corridor cleaner, he needed some training.
"You're the youngest house cleaner in the century, Harry." Wood was thrilled.
"I know. But, I hate cleaning."
"What do you mean?" he snapped.
"I used to clean a farmer's house before I arrived here. Now, I will have to clean the entire school."
"You're a cleaner in Sandwich. Every team has a cleaner and you're the one for Corridor."
"Oh. What's Sandwich?"
"Sandwich is a game played by two teams of seven players riding flying vacuum cleaners, using four balls and six elevated ring-shaped goals. You're job is to catch a Dust Ball. You do that and we win the game."
"That's nice. For a moment, I thought I would be made to clean the school."
"Oh, we don't call them Cleaners. They are called - Clean rooms, hallways, windows, floors, desks and blah, blah, blah. You say the 'blah' three times."
"Why can't you just call them cleaners?"
"That's because they are called Clean rooms, hallways..."
"I got it."
"Alright, let's get back to the training. But before we can start, we need to find a dust ball."
Harry and Wood waited for a couple of hours. Wood fell asleep and Harry kept looking for a dust ball. Finally, it arrived. "There!" he yelled.
Wood woke up and said "Glad you found one. Okay, training complete. You catch that Dust Ball and we win the game. Let's go."

Harry, Pong and Hermione were in the great hall that evening.
"They call cleaners differently here. My job is to catch a Dust Ball."
"Now, why wouldn't they call Cleaners, Cleaners?"
"Well..." Harry was confused. All of a sudden, there was an owl.
"Mail time," Pong sounded excited.
The owl flew by their table and dropped a large package.
"What's this?" Hermione asked.
"It's for you Harry. Open it."
Harry opened the package and found a Vacuum Cleaner.
"Whoa. This is the Vacuumus 2000. This is the fastest Vacuum Cleaner in the world. It comes with a huge START button too."
Harry was happy. He looked around to see who had given it to him. Everyone were busy bending down. Professor McDonald looked at him and smiled. Harry smiled at her and kept searching.
After a few minutes, she walked to him. "I gave you the Vacuumus 2000. You can't expect me to walk over and say that. You should have realized it the moment I smiled."
"Sorry about that professor. Thank you. But what do I do with it?"
"Clean, of course. You're a Cleaner, remember?" (to be continued)

Show And Tell : Spongy Man

2010-07-10T22:44:00.000-07:00

Show and Tell arrived again. This time, I couldn't decide on what to talk about. I had tried speaking on Aliens and a Dinosaur. They had both ended badly. I finally decided and took something to school.

Mrs. Yells at me called out names randomly for Show and Tell. After an hour, she was done and sounded really excited. "You were all great! Now that you're done, take down the Math quiz from the board..."
"Mrs. Yells at me, you never called out my name." I lifted my hand.
"Oh!" She wasn't excited now. She stared at me and asked "Are you prepared for your Show and Tell?"
"Yes."
"Okay. Remember, no Dinosaurs and hoax Aliens."
"Don't worry. This is way better than those."

I began, "Today for Show and Tell, I have brought my pet."
"What?" Mrs. Yells at me was shocked.
"Yes. His name is Spongy and he's in my backpack."
"Oh my god. You brought your pet to School in your bag?"
"Yeah. He fit in the side pocket."
I walked to my backpack and opened the zipper. Mrs. Yells at me was pretty scared. So were everyone in class. Bobo had closed his eyes. I opened the side zipper and lifted my pet.
"That's your pet?" Miss Big Help yelled.
"Yes. His name is Spongy."
"That's a yellow sponge with poorly drawn eyes and evil looking set of teeth."
"They aren't evil."
"Yeah. They look pointy to me. Not evil." Bobo interrupted.
"Guys, I guess you can have a talk about the Sponge's teeth later," Mrs. Yells at me was confused. She stared at me and said, "Give your Show and Tell, quick!"
I walked up to the front again. "Spongy was just an ordinary sponge lying around my house. One day, I found him in the garage looking all sad. I picked him..."
"Mrs. Yells at me, I'm sure this will be a boring story. Can we take the Math quiz." Miss Big Help said.
I continued, "I picked him up and drew some eyes and then some teeth. This tie here is a new addition. Oh yeah, I almost forgot," I walked to my backpack again and brought a red handkerchief.
"What's that?" Mrs. Yells at me sounded suspicious.
"This is Spongy's big secret. He is a Superhero and this is his tiny cape. He'll be known by everybody in the world as Spongy Man..."
"Spongy Man? Can I hold him?" Bobo jumped.
"Sure. But, he has an important task today. This classroom is filled with Evil and he's going to get rid of it..."
"That was a good Show and Tell. Thank you!" Mrs. Yells at me was shocked.
"I'm not done yet. Back to the Evil part. Miss Big Help here is Evil. But there is something even scarier than her that Spongy Man wishes to destroy."
Miss Big Help was angry. She gave me scary looks.
"The Evil is on this very Chalkboard..."
"What?" a few students and Mrs. Yells at me spoke together.
"These Math problems are all evil. Spongy Man will save you from them." I picked Spongy and dragged him on the Chalkboard. Mrs. Yells at me didn't move. Maybe, she was stuck to her seat. I managed to erase all the math problems. "The day is saved. Thanks to Spongy Man..."

The next moment, Mr. Principal was examining Spongy Man. I was at his chamber again. My parents were called and my dad was glad to have found the sponge. He used it to wipe our Car. Mrs. Yells at me had to rewrite all the math problems and she wasn't happy. As always, Mr. Principal gave me the stares.

Image Source: Google Images

The Frisbee Adventure

2010-07-08T22:12:00.000-07:00

The guy living next to our house has a great family. Most of them hate me. Mr. Neighbor's mom suspects I am an Alien. His uncle stays away from me and his aunt think clumsiness can spread. She carries a handkerchief while I am around.

A couple of months ago, they had all arrived at Mr. Neighbor's home. Our family stopped by to greet them. My Parents were the only ones who enjoyed the visit. My brother got looks and I got stares.

The next day, they were all playing Frisbee on their front yard. I had to go meet my friend. So, I walked past them when there was a voice,
"Why don't you join us?" Mrs. Neighbor smiled.
"Well, I am actually going to meet my friend..."
"Just one game. It'll be fun!" Mr. Neighbor's Nephew waved.
"Okay. I guess my friend can wait. One game sounds good to me." I hopped in.

Most of them weren't happy. Especially Mr. Neighbor. He always yelled at me for walking on the lawn. He couldn't say a thing now. The game began. I was standing between Mr. Neighbor's mom and aunt and that was really scary. His aunt was still holding the handkerchief.

We played for some time and the Frisbee landed in my hand. I had to do something to impress the crowd. The only crowd around was Mr. Neighbor's family. Doing something new would at least distract them from staring.
So, I threw the Frisbee high. It was supposed to do two flips, stop mid-air for a few seconds and then land on the ground. I had never tried the act before. The Frisbee went flying and landed in the branches of a tree. Now, that was a bad sign. There was silence for a few minutes. Then, the staring situation got bad.

Mr. Neighbor's Nephew found a stick. He walked to the tree and threw the stick gently towards the branch. The Frisbee didn't move.
"Do you think this will work?" I had asked a stupid question. The staring continued.
"Well, it should cause some disruption." He took an aim and threw the stick again. It bounced straight back to the earth.

What this situation clearly needed was me. I declared to give it a try. There were first a few questions, "Are you sure?" and "Do you know to throw a stick?" I answered them with a "YES" and picked the stick from the ground. I was a Superhero and saving the Frisbee was my task. With confidence in my veins and glory in my sight, I threw the stick towards the branch. The stick flew for some time and then, joined the Frisbee. I looked around to see if there were anymore elements of nature. There were no more sticks. I got the looks again.

Mr. Neighbor had left even before I threw the stick. He returned to the lawn and declared, "Forget it! Here's another Frisbee..."
Everyone celebrated. I thought it was wise to leave. But, my friend could wait a bit longer. So, I stayed anyway. We played for a few more minutes and the Frisbee landed in my hand. I tried my act again. This time everything was fine, until it dropped.
The Frisbee flew straight over somebody's head. Then, it moved towards the tree with the first Frisbee. But, it turned and flew straight into a bigger tree. This tree was a few feet away from the first one.

Nobody spoke for while. Surprisingly, there were no stares either. They were all looking at the two trees. I said something stupid again "Maybe, you guys should go back inside..."
The staring situation turned worse.

Image Source: Google Images

Evil Miss Big Help

2010-07-06T21:41:00.000-07:00

Miss Big Help was my bench mate in First grade. She was always mean to me. But the one bad thing I did turned her from mean to a scary person. She had red horns on her head - a sign of Evil. We had a quiz and I turned to her for help.

7+5 is ____
"Psst, Miss Big Help! What's the answer to this question?"
"Apple Pie..."
"But this is a Math problem. The answer should be in numbers right?"
"It's a trick question. The seven and five are the dimensions of the pie. And they rhyme too, seven and five makes Apple Pie!"
"Okay... Hey, how come you wrote something different?"
"I am going to get this question wrong. That way, Mrs. Yells at me won't think you copied."
"Wow. Thanks! But how about the other questions?"
"Just write what I say."

I wrote everything that she said. Couple of answers had Angry faces. One answer was Santa Claus. I was done with the test and I thanked her. The results were out the next day. I got a D on my test and next to it was a weird expression. I looked up at Mrs. Yells at me and she was wearing the same look.

The next week, we had another math quiz.
"Psst, Miss Big Help! What's the answer to question one?"
"Its Seven Bazillion..."
"Having a pleasant conversation?" There was a voice from behind us. It was Mrs. Yells at me.
Miss Big Help couldn't get a word out "But... I..."
"Maybe, you should sit up front. That way, you won't distract him anymore."
I had to say something "I tried to get her to be quite. She wanted to say the answer even though I never asked her. You know how girls are..."
Mrs. Yells at me stared and left. Miss Big Help was still stunned and her face was all red.

I was all alone now. So, I sent Miss Big Help a note -

Hey Miss Big Help,
How is the view way up there? HA HA
You look like a clown when you turn all red. Another HA HA
And how many zeroes should I add to Seven Bazillion?

Miss Big Help turned and stared at me. She was really angry. She took out her pencil and started writing a note. I was sure it was addressed to me.
She was scribbling and didn't notice Mrs. Yells at me who was standing next to her.
"Writing notes in class?" Miss Big Help turned all red again and there was an "EEP!" from her.

She was sent to the Principal's Chamber. I was lucky the teacher had blamed her for everything I did. But, I kept wondering what was happening inside. She returned pretty quick and walked to Mrs. Yells at me. She whispered something and got back to her seat.
"Miss Big Help, what did they do to you? Did you get expelled? Are you banished from the neighborhood? What happened?"
Miss Big Help didn't say a thing. Then she turned and stared at me. "You will learn pretty soon. I just said one thing and Mr. Principal was convinced."
"What? What did you say?"
"Nothing..." Miss Big Help smiled at me. An Evil Smile.
Mrs. Yells at me called out my name. I walked to her. On the way, I turned to find Miss Big Help still wearing the Evil Smile.

The next part of the story was bad. Miss Big Help had snitched on me. I got in trouble for getting her in trouble. Mr. Principal and Mrs. Yells at me gave me the stares. I was happy my parents weren't called. But then, they arrived. This time, I turned all red and screamed an "EEP!". All the four people stared at me. Miss Big Help stayed Evil and I continued cheating off her in quizzes...

Image Source : Google Images

Harry Potato and the Worthless stone - VI

2010-07-03T21:53:00.000-07:00

To read Part - V, click here.

Harry followed Professor McDonald. She seemed furious and said "I waited an entire day for you to get back to the ground. Anyway, you could have broken your neck or worse, got sucked into the Vacuum Cleaner. You're a real Potato remember?"
"Why does everyone say the - 'You're a real Potato remember' part?" Harry asked.
"Well, that's because you are one Mr. Potato."

Harry was sure he would get expelled. Getting expelled meant returning to the farm and scaring trespassers. He hated that job.
Professor McDonald led Harry through a Hallway and then stopped near a Classroom. She called for a student. A boy arrived from inside. "I forgot, what's your name?" she asked.
"Harry Potato..."
"Not yours, Mr. Potato. You..." she pointed at the boy who had just arrived.
"What? Professor, you have known me for five years. I am Wood."
"Oops. Sorry about that. I couldn't sleep for an entire day. I was looking at this guy flying a Vacuum Cleaner and counting his 'Please'."
Wood was confused.
"Oh. I almost forgot," she said. "Wood - I've found you a Cleaner."
"Are you sure?"
"I watched him from the beginning. He found the start switch on the Vacuum Cleaner pretty quick. And he knows to fly too..."
"But, Professor," Wood interrupted. "He's a real Potato..."
"Hey!" Harry protested.

Harry was now the new Corridor cleaner. He never understood what it meant. Though, looking at Professor McDonald, he was sure it was a good thing.
At dinner, Harry broke the news to Pong and Hermione.
"That's great, Harry," Pong said. "You must be the youngest cleaner of the century. Nobody ever makes it there this quick."
"What do you think a cleaner does?"
"Clean?" Pong and Hermione spoke together.

The three finished their dinner and decided to get back to their rooms. Harry wasn't very happy now. He kept wondering why he was made the cleaner. They climbed the stairs and it moved.
Hermione said "Remember? The prefect had said the stairs like to dance...". They danced for a long time and then stopped.
"Let's go before they start dancing again..." Harry said. They climbed the stairs quickly and found a passageway.

"Oh no. We are at the third floor. Remember Professor Dumpydoor had said this floor was restricted." Hermione sounded scared.
"Yeah. He even asked us to run around screaming if we arrived here..." Pong was shivering.
"Wait a minute," harry said. "What's with the large yellow 'M'?" he pointed to a board.
"It looks like The McDonald's Golden Arches logo. I think we should get out of here."
"Who's there?" there was a voice from outside. It was the caretaker.
"Let's go this way." Harry said. Pong and Hermione followed him. They ran across a passage and then arrived at a large room.
"What are all these dining chairs doing here?" Pong asked.
"I don't know. Look, there's a door." They ran to it and entered the room.
"I wonder why the third floor is restricted."
"Well... I think I know why..." They were looking straight into the eyes of a monstrous clown. The three heads of the red haired clown was angry. Harry managed to find the doorknob and opened it. The three fell backwards and ran around screaming until they reached the staircase. It was still dancing. They got on and danced with it... (to be continued)

The Soft Drink Mishaps

2010-07-01T21:51:00.000-07:00

I love Soft drinks. But they tend to attract bad luck while in my hands. They bring trouble and then laugh at me. The Black liquid is just Evil.

Mishap 1
Bad luck struck for the first time in a theater. We were late by five minutes and had to find our seats quick. My parents gave me the responsibility to hold two Large Cokes. I wonder why they did that.
Anyway, I moved around clumsily while people kept yelling. I found our seats and walked towards them. The glasses were still in my hands and I was looking at them to make sure they didn't fall down. And that was when it happened.
I tripped on a guy's shoe and one on the glasses slipped from my hand. It flew towards the seat in the front and disappeared. The next moment, a man stood up. His face was all wet and he looked angry.

"You dropped Soda on my head..." he yelled.
I didn't know what to say "He did it!" I pointed towards my brother.
"Hey!" he protested.
"Who dropped the soda on my head?" the man demanded.
"Yeah. Who dropped soda on his head?" I said. My brother was stunned. He said the same thing. The man stared at both of us. The soda was still dripping from his head.

The guy sitting next to me was the reason I tripped. He couldn't resist staying out of the conversation.
"You should be glad he didn't drop it on your jeans. Now, that could have been embarrassing."
"You think this is funny? Let's see how you would react if a can of soda fell on your head." The man snatched the other glass from my hand and poured the soda on the guy's head. The two people were now soaked in coke. They were yelling at each other and I was standing in between them. My brother pulled me and we fled.

Mishap 2
I was in our Living Room watching Spiderman when my brother walked in. He was drinking Coke and placed the glass on top of our TV. I know, bad place to keep it. We had a stupid conversation,
"Why doesn't this guy have all hairy legs and hands? He's a Spider right?"
"He's a Spiderman. Not a Spider. I guess he uses Hair removal cream or something..." I said.
"Ewww. That's weird. And what's with the white thing coming out of his hands?"
"That's the result of eating glue in first grade. Maybe, it collects in the hands."
"Glue? Wow..."
"You should have some white stuff in your hands. Remember? You ate glue in first grade."
"I did a lot of crime fighting the other day and its all over."
"In that case, have some more."
He stared at me and threw a pillow. I caught it and threw it back. It charged towards his face but he ducked. Oh no! The pillow hit the glass of coke and the black stuff fell inside our TV. There were a few weird sounds. I was expecting a "BOOM", but that never happened. My parents gave me stares when I said, it was part of a Science Experiment.

Mishap 3
In fourth grade, my friends did an extensive research and said, gargling Coke after brushing keeps teeth white. I fell for that stupid idea and tried it one morning. I was done brushing my teeth and got back to my room. Then, I gargled the Coke and spat it out through the window. The next moment, there was a voice.
"Oh my God! What's this stuff?" It was definitely Mr. Neighbor. I couldn't peep out. So I ran to the kitchen and waited at the dining table for breakfast. Once I was done eating, I left for the School bus. Mr. Neighbor was still standing at the same spot looking up.
"Good Morning." I greeted him.
"The weirdest thing just happened." he said. "Lots of water fell on my head from nowhere."
I had to say something "Where did it come from?"
"The sky..."
"Oh. Maybe, it was the Airplanes. These passengers, throw away junk and it always manages to fall down."
"I am not joking. You do realize that your window is just above us. Did you have anything to do with it?" he sounded suspicious.
"Nope. I don't drink Coke..."
"Hey. I said water had fallen on my head, not coke."
"Well... Water is called Coke in short!"
Mr. Neighbor checked with my brother who confirmed I was lying. I gained another spot on his "People to Hate" list.

Image Source : Google Images

Show And Tell : The Front Yardosaurus

2010-06-29T21:59:00.000-07:00

To read Show And Tell : The Beginning, click here.

Show and Tell got worse every time. Mrs Yells at me had sent me to the first bench for some reason.

"Alright, time for Show and Tell. Who would like to go first?" Mrs. Yells at me sounded excited.
I lifted my hand. She ignored it and searched for others. Finally, she called out "Yes, Miss Big Help. You can give..."
"Wait a minute, I was lifting too." I interrupted.
"I'm sorry. I never noticed your hand."
"In that case, pick again."
Miss Big Help was angry. She gave me a scary look and returned to her seat.

"Who would like to go first?" Mrs. Yells at me sounded sad.
I lifted my hand again. Nobody volunteered this time. "Anyone at all, besides the guy in the first bench?"
"Hey!" I protested.
"Okay. Just make it quick this time. No hoax photographs and no Alien talk."
"Alright."

I had a sheet in one hand and proof in the other. I began, hoping this would turn out in a good way.
"Today, for Show and Tell, I have brought ten amazing and rare fossilized bone pieces of a dinosaur. It took me..."
"Can I have a look at the fossilized bone pieces?" Mrs. Yells at me sounded curious.
"Sure. Everyone can have a look. You'll have to wait though. Anyway, it took me three hours of digging to find them buried in my front yard. I immediately recognized them as pieces from the Jawbone, Tailbone and Feet."
"Very Good. Can you show me the bone pieces now?"
"Here." I handed them out.
She looked at the bone pieces for a second and then stared at me "This is just ordinary Driveway Gravel."
"They look like ordinary Driveway Gravel to the untutored ignorant eyes. But they aren't. Anyway, here's more proof. In this paper, I have re-created the Front Yardosaurus as it would have appeared 160 million years ago. This drawing here shows how big it was compared to the other dinosaurs." I showed the paper to everyone. Mrs. Yells at me stared at it through her glasses.
"Front Yardosaurus?" Miss Big Help yelled. "I have never heard of any such dinosaur."
"That's because nobody knew it existed. Since, I found his remains in my Front Yard, that's the name I gave him. I will be publishing my full findings into a book. The book will bring me fame and fortune..."
"Can I please give my Show and Tell now?" Miss Big Help asked. Mrs. Yells at me was still looking at my drawing. She was in a shock and didn't say a thing.
"That's a NO! Now, let me get back to my Show and Tell." I said. Miss Big Help gave me the scary look again.
"The book will bring me fame and fortune and let me build another Jurassic Park..."
"You mean a park with dinosaurs like in the movie?" Bobo sounded excited.
"Exactly. It will be built in this very place by demolishing this lousy school. That way, they won't be able to torture any more young minds. Now, when that happens, everyone who were mean to me or yelled at me can be darn sure that they will have a miserable life. I will crush your tiny dreams like bugs and then throw you all in the Garbage Can. The ones left will be forced to work in the Jurassic Park for the rest of their lives. Your work at the park will mostly include bathing the dinosaurs and serving them food."
"Ahem. Thank you for that Show and Tell..." Mrs. Yells at me said.
I continued "Though, there is an alternative! You can send me chocolates and be my pal. That way, you'll stay out of the Jurassic Park and get to take a pet dinosaur home."
I was done with my Show and Tell. Everyone were shocked. Mrs. Yells at me had a weird expression.

The next moment, I was in a room. A bald guy was staring at me. It was Mr. Principal and I was at his Chamber. Next to me was my Mom and on the other side was Mrs. Yells at me. On the desk were both the Driveway gravel and the Drawing. I was asked to repeat my Show and Tell. Once I was done, my mom and Mr. Principal were stunned. It took them a while to recover. My Mom giggled repeating "Front Yardosaurus". Though, Mr. Principal and Mrs. Yells at me continued staring...

Image Source : Google Images

I was interviewed by Tess, here. Drop by her blog sometime.

Mission Get rid of Hiccups

2010-06-26T21:57:00.000-07:00

My Brother had Hiccups yesterday. He kept speaking but nothing made any sense. But it was fun to watch. Too bad it went away with a glass of water.

There was this one time when we were kids. My Parents had been to a wedding and left us at Mr. Neighbor's home for babysitting. Mrs. Neighbor had joined my parents. I was more than happy to be at his place. Though, he wasn't.

Staying at the living room was scary. We had Mr. Neighbor looking at us as though we were monsters from under his bed. He kept staring for a long time. All of a sudden, he fell asleep. So, we decided to go explore his house. We were soon in his backyard and running around when there were a few Hiccups.

My Brother looked at me surprised. He couldn't get a word out. "(hic) I have (hic) Have (hic) I (hic) I have the (hic) the (hic) I (hic)."
"What's wrong with you?"
"The (hic) have the (hic) the (hic)."
"What is it?"
He panicked and shook his hands. Maybe, he was trying the Sign Language. It didn't work. "The (hic) I have (hic) the (hic)."
"What do you have? A Comic book? A Candy? Mr. Neighbor's hat?"
There was again the shaking of hands. Though, this time it was a bit faster. "(hic) I have (hic) the (hic) the (hic, hic)."

The Hiccups were turning out to be good entertainment. I asked a few more questions and after a few hundred hiccups "I have the (hic) Hiccups. Get rid (hic) of them...(hic)"
"What can I do?"
"I (hic) don't know. Do (hic) something."
"What can I do?"
"You said (hic) that already (hic)."
"Alright, let me think..."
After five minutes of thinking and a few more hiccups, I said "I don't know..."
"What? (hic) I have (hic). Okay. Scare me."
I stared at him without blinking.
"What (hic) are you doing?"
"Scaring you. I am Mr. Neighbor..."
"I mean, (hic) Surprise me!"
"Alright. But promise you won't yell."
"Well... (hic) Okay."
"I drew a bunny in your book!"
"What? (hic) Why? Which one?"
"I don't know. Look through all the books you have. You should find it."
"You're going (hic) to be in a lot of trouble (hic). Alright, (hic) forget the Book. Try something (hic) else..."
"I ate the Chocolate Bar from your Drawer."
"What? (hic) That was (hic) the last bar..."
"You yelled at me both the times. I'm going."
"Okay. (hic) Sorry. Let's go ask Mr. (hic) Neighbor about the Hiccups."

We walked towards the Living Room. "These (hic) Hiccups are driving me (hic) crazy."
"Hey, I've read about a cure."
"What (hic)?"
"Hold your breath. It should work."
Thirty seconds in and his face had turned all red. His eyes almost popped out. Though, the Hiccups decided to stay. "I guess we should go ask Mr. Neighbor."

We were again walking towards the Living Room. My Brother was gasping.
"Wait a minute. Let's go to the Kitchen. Eating Sugar should do the trick."
He ate a spoonful. "I still (hic) have them..."
"Have another. I am sure this will work."
"(hic) I guess it doesn't."
"Wait a minute. Maybe, the person next to you should have some too."

Both of us were now eating spoonfuls. As we were crunching on the sugar, there was a Man standing next to us. On a closer look, I realized it was Mr. Neighbor. He looked surprised. Maybe, he was shocked to find two kids emptying his sugar supplies. I explained everything to him. He gave me a stare. My Brother gave it a try with many "Hics". He gave me a bigger stare.
Finally, he was given a glass of water. The Hiccups were gone. We were back in the Living Room with Mr. Neighbor. This time, he managed to stay awake...

Image Source : Google Images

Harry Potato and the Worthless stone - V

2010-06-23T22:22:00.000-07:00

To read Part - IV, click here.

The next day, Harry, Pong and the other Corridors hurried down the front steps into the grounds for their first flying lesson. All the Superthins had arrived and so had Vacuum Cleaners all lying neatly on the ground. A weird woman arrived. She had a bump on her head and white short hair.

"Good Afternoon class. Welcome to your first flying lesson. I am Madam Ouch."
"Ouch? How do you spell that?" Pong sounded curious.
"O-U-C-H. Does that matter?"
"Just asking. What's up with the bump on your head?"
"Flying accident..."
"And the short hair?"
"The same. My hair got stuck in the Vacuum Cleaner."
"Whoa. And you survived that flight?" Harry asked.
"Yup. Anyway, let's get back to the lesson. Everyone step up to the left side of your Vacuum Cleaner."
"Vacuum Cleaners? Wizards fly on broomsticks right?"
"No they don't." She shouted. "We use broomsticks to clean the school. Back to the lesson. Stick your right hand out and say Start!"
"START!" everyone shouted. After a few hundred tries, the Vacuum Cleaners never seemed to move.
"Oops. I forgot the important part. You need to turn on the switch and then to make it look all magical, say Start!"
"Are you sure she's a flying instructor?" Harry whispered.
"I don't think so." Hermione sounded confident.

Harry's Vacuum Cleaner started at once. His was the only few that worked. Hermione's wouldn't start. Pong took really long to find the switch. Neville Shortbottom had an old Vacuum Cleaner. A screw fell from its side as he was shouting "START".

"Good. Now, I want all of you to mount the Vacuum Cleaners. Now, when I blow my whistle... where's my whistle..." Madam Ouch searched all her pockets. "Forget the whistle. I'll just count to three."
Neville Shortbottom seemed a bit nervous. He showed the screw to Madam Ouch. She snatched it from his hand and placed it inside the socket. It fell out again. This time, she kicked it a few times to hold it in place.

"I have read that the Vacuum Cleaners can hear people." Hermione said.
"Alright. Get ready - three - two"
Neville's Vacuum Cleaner turned on by itself. It was angry with Madam Ouch and flew behind her. Neville screamed as the cleaner kept rising. Madam Ouch ran and so did all the kids. Finally, the other screws gave away and Neville fell from well over twenty feet on the ground and there was a crack.

Everyone went to Neville. Madam Ouch was bending over him. "A Broken Wrist" she murmured.
"None of you will start the Vacuum Cleaners. You leave them where they are or you'll be out of Togwarts even before you can say Sandwich."
"What's Sandwich?" a kid asked from behind.
"Its a game played by two teams of seven players riding flying vacuum cleaners, using four balls and six elevated ring-shaped goals. The..."
"I think that would be enough of explanation." Draco Bellboy interrupted Hermione. "Look at what Neville dropped." He picked up the Forgetbrall from the ground.
"Give it here, Bellboy." Harry yelled.
"You'll have to get it then." Draco started his Vacuum Cleaner and flew.

Harry said "START". But his Vacuum Cleaner wouldn't move. "You better start!" he yelled.
"Remember, they can hear you. Be kind..." Hermione whispered.
"Start you dirt eater. How's that?" It wouldn't move an inch. "C'mon. I am the hero and I need to get that thing back. Heroes always do the good things. Okay Pleeeeeeaaaaase?" Harry told until he was out of breath. The Vacuum Cleaner started.

Both Bellboy and Harry were now flying on their Vacuum Cleaners.
"Give it to me, Bellboy." Harry said.
"No."
"Please?"
"Say that 189271 times."
Harry began. The kids waiting down had their dinner and then fell asleep. Bellboy was wide awake and kept adding up the "Please" on his calculator.
The next day was there and Harry was still saying Please. After sometime, "I'm done." Harry said quietly, gasping for air.
"Catch it if you can!" Bellboy shouted and threw the glass ball in the air. It was now charging towards the ground. Harry pointed his Vacuum Cleaner towards the Glass Ball. He gained speed and managed to get to it. He then made a landing and ran expecting everyone to cheer for him. Nobody came. Pong took the Forgetbrall from Harry's hand and left.

"HARRY POTATO" There was a voice from behind. It was Professor McDonald. She seemed furious. "Follow me..." (to be continued)

Back from Mars

2010-06-20T22:40:00.000-07:00

Finally, I am back. The trip was great. Not so good for my aunt though. Only if I had read all your "Don't eat the chocolate" comments before.

I peeked into the box at my home. The ten sugary surprises wrapped in golden foil looked back at me. As I was looking, there were two others. Bad guy and Good guy from inside my head. Their conversation with me was a bit like this-

"Look at all those sugary surprises. Go ahead. Eat one." Bad Guy spoke.
"Don't do it. Remember. They are for your Aunt to reduce her stares." Good Guy protested
"The chocolates will protect you from all the stares."
"Don't do it."
"Alright. Eat just one. See if it works."
"Okay. Just one." Good Guy agreed.

I picked a chocolate and ate it. Bad Guy and Good Guy were still having a talk. Good Guy kept suggesting, "Just one."
By the end, all I had were wrappers. No chocolates. Not even one. Bad Guy and Good Guy had disappeared and my Mom was honking the car.

I took the empty box, carried it all the way and then threw it in a Garbage Can near my Aunt's house. I arrived there in the evening. She opened the door and was wearing a big smile. That was surprising. We spoke for sometime. I didn't have to use my double eye patch all the while.

Then, the phone rang. It was my Mom doing the "Did he arrive" call. They spoke for a while and then,
"Hope you like the chocolates..."
"What chocolates?"
"Well... The ones my son brought."
"Oh. I never saw them. Why don't you ask him?"
I spoke to my Mom and told her about how a Burglar stole the Chocolate Box and gave it to his friend. That wasn't convincing.

Anyway, I was at Mars and everything around was weird.
"You should read some of these books." She pointed to a large bookshelf with many books.
"Okay." I picked a book and got seated. Now, books make me think. Thinking makes me sleep. I fell asleep. After a few minutes, there was a thing standing next to me and coughing. Zombie? Scary Woman from a Movie? Ghost? I looked closely. The thing was my aunt.

Next day was there soon. We were outside in her garden. She spoke a lot about flowers and gardening. This time, I wasn't thinking.
"I love gardening." She said.
"I like it too..." I have had bad experiences with Gardening. The last time I helped my Mom with a plant, resulted in the leaves going missing. All that was left was a stick.
"Wow. That's nice. Can you trim this shrub for me? This is one of my favorite plants. I love its fragrance." She pointed at a shrub with beautiful flowers on it. I was going to say a NO!
"I'll be glad to." I didn't mean it. The words just blurted out. She thanked me and left. I was now alone standing in her garden with a shrub.

I picked the garden shears and started. After a lot of work, there was a finished product. It was now a weird looking plant.
"Oh my god! What's that?" My Aunt screamed.
"Well, that's you shrub now looking even more beautiful."
I was late in getting the eye patch. I got many stares and looks.

I finally returned to Earth today. My Mom greeted me with a Hello and then a stare.
"So, the chocolates were taken away by a burglar. How about the trimming? Did he drop by her garden and do it for you?"
"Not exactly. He sent his friend this time!" Again, not very convincing.
My Mom mailed her the chocolates. This time, Bad Guy, Good Guy and I never got to see it...

Image Source : Google Images

I'll be away

2010-06-17T21:09:00.000-07:00

I'll be away from here and all your Blogs until Sunday. At first, I had to go to Mars with Agent Don't know his name for a Secret Mission. But then, my mom forced me to go see my Aunt. Their house is nothing less than Mars. Though, there are no green people around and there's lots of air to breathe.

It is the same house where years back, I and my brother tried making things look like a Burglary. We have got stares ever since. As my brother won't be here to share a few, I will get all the stares and looks.
Things to take #1 - Double Eye patch
They should protect my eyes.

Since, she's been angry with us for a long time, my mom wants me take a box of chocolates. I just hope it reaches her.
Things to take #2 - Box of Chocolates without opening them.
I guess having just one chocolate from the box would be okay.

What makes her house more like Mars is no TV. She doesn't have a Television at home. Oh my God. That's the most horrible thing to happen. What makes matters worse is no Computer. With no Computer comes no Internet. According to her, "These things are just distractions. They are never entering my house..."
I just hope I can survive until Sunday and not do anything wrong. Have a great weekend...

Show And Tell : The Beginning

2010-06-15T22:40:00.000-07:00

Show And Tell. Worst thing ever made in Second Grade. It was there every week. We were asked to bring something from home and talk about it.
I was bad at talking. I was worse at selecting things.

I got a few photographs for my first Show and Tell.
"Next?" Mrs. Yells at me sounded exited.
"Yeah. Coming..."
"You? Alright... So what do you have for show and tell today?" she wasn't exited now.
"Proof. Proof that Aliens exist."
"Whatever. Let's make this quick."

I was sure this was going to turn bad. I started anyway.
"UFO's are they real? Have they been to Earth? These are the very questions..."
"Just talk about the photographs. Please...?" Mrs. Yells at me smiled.
"I am getting to that. Have they ever landed in a City or a Town? Are they sneaking around in disguises?"
"The Photographs. Just Show them. And then talk..."
"Okay. But before I can show these, there are a few more questions. Are there Alien Spaceships? And why are they shaped that way? Why do Aliens have green heads?"
"Did you watch an Alien Movie yesterday?" Bobo my bench mate interrupted.
"Nope. Though, I did watch one a month back. I can't get its name. Alien Movies are always..."
"Ahem. Back to the Show and Tell." Mrs. Yells at me said.
"Alright, Alright. So, why do Aliens hunt down Earthlings? What do they see in our Planet to arrive? Are they here..."
"Will you get to the Photographs? Talk about them. Only them. Nothing else..."
"Okay. No need to yell. Do the photographs of an amateur photographer who can't even hold his camera right really show a UFO? Has he encountered these creatures next to his home? Are the results an evidence of his close encounter? Or is this whole photograph thing just a big hoax?"
"That was a beautiful Show and Tell. Thank you..."
"I am not done yet..."
"Yeah. We want more..." a few kids screamed.
"Continue..." Mrs. Yells at me had tears in her eyes.
"Are these photographs by an amateur photographer enough to prove the existence of Aliens? Or is this just a Hoax?"
"You said that already..." Miss Big Help shouted.
"I just wanted it to be a bit more dramatic."
"Can I give my Show and Tell next?" Miss Big Help jumped.
"Yes..." the teacher groaned.
"Hey. I am not done yet..." I protested.
"Get to it then. I have this for Show and Tell" Bobo said pointing to a rock.
"Anyway, listen to an Expert talk on Space Aliens, their flying bowls, advanced weaponry and their green heads. All this and more on my Show and Tell, Coming up Next after this short break... Mrs. Yell at me, can I use the bathroom?"
"Yeah. That was a great Show and Tell."
"I am not done. I am yet to talk about Aliens."
"You have more...?"
"I want to show this rock in Show and Tell." Bobo said.
"Hey. Mrs. Yells at Me asked me to go next" Miss Big Help protested.
"I haven't showed my evidence yet..." I interrupted.

"Enough! Will you come here please? And bring the photographs." her voice echoed.
I handed the evidence to her. She turned all red and screamed, "What hideous creature is that?"
"Alien. I found it in the backyard..."
"Why is it holding a Vacuum Cleaner then?"
"That should be its advanced weaponry..."

My Mom was called. Everyone were at the Principal's Chamber. Mr. Principal stared at me and looked at the photographs. He handed it to my Mom. She looked closely and giggled. The hideous thing in the picture was me with ketchup all over my face.
"So, the photographs happened to be a Hoax..." I said.
My Mom laughed. Mrs. Yells at me laughed not knowing why. Mr. Principal though stared at everybody this time...

Image Source : Google Images

The Lemon Demon Inc.

2010-06-12T21:41:00.000-07:00

The first company I ever owned was in Second Grade. I had a Lemonade Stand which was made from a Cardboard Box. There were a few glasses, a Jug and I took some Lemons from the Refrigerator.

I named it The Lemon Demon Inc. Demon rhymed and sounded scary! I had plans of making it the biggest Lemonade Stand chain in the world.

Anyway, I wrote the name on the box with a marker and added the price. There was an evil face under it. That was the Demon. The box was placed on my lawn and I was ready for my first customer.

After ten minutes of waiting, a huge kid arrived. On looking closely, I realized it was Bobo, my bench mate.
"A Lemonade Stand? I'll have one..."
"Okay. That would be 25 bucks..."
"25 bucks? No thanks. I almost forgot. Pay me 50 cents."
"What? Why?"
"I stopped by your Lemonade Stand."
"And?"
"You need to pay me..."
"Why should I give you my Money Bobo?"
"Its to Let you live through School fund..."
"Sounds like a worthy cause to me. Here...", I gave him a cent and button.
"Hey this is a button..."
"I know. That's worth 49 cents and you have a cent."
"I knew that. Bye."
He fell for that lie. As long as he realized the button wasn't worth 49 cents, I was safe. Bobo waved and left. Even before I could start my Big Business, I had a loss of a cent and a button.

Many people stopped by my stand. They stared at the price and the evil face. They looked at me next and left. Mr. Neighbor was my next customer.
"A lemonade stand. Very nice."
"You want some?"
"Yeah sure... Wait a minute. 25 bucks?" his eyes almost popped out.
"Put it this way - Just 25 bucks?"
"Yeah? 25 is too much kiddo. You can always give me a free glass. I am your neighbor, remember?"
"Sorry. I forgot. Let's make a deal. How about 24 dollars?"
Mr. Neighbor gave me looks and left. I had lost another customer. I was having a loss. So, I decided to cut on expenses. I ran home and brought back another jug with water.

After a few minutes, my brother arrived. He was at home and wanted to see how my Lemonade stand was going on.
"25 bucks a glass?", he yelled. His eyes almost popped out too.
"Yeah. Want some?"
"25 bucks a glass?"
"You already said that. Want some?"
"How do you justify charging 25 dollars for a tiny glass of Lemonade?"
"Demand..."
"Demand? I don't see any demand. Thanks to your stall and this street looks like a sequence from a Horror Movie."
There was nobody around. Maybe, all the people who stopped and stared at my stall, informed others to not walk this way.
"There was a lot of demand a few minutes ago. Mr. Neighbor purchased two glasses."
"What? Maybe, he got hit on his head with a brick to buy two glasses. Or he's just crazy from the beginning. Anyway, where's the Lemonade?"
"Here..." I pointed to a Jug of water with a lemon in it.
"You call that Lemonade?"
"After the recent ups and downs in my business, I had to cut on expenses."
"Why does that water look all brownish?"
"Mom uses that jug in gardening..."
"You mean that's dirty water? What if I got sick drinking that?"
"We have the Extra Special Lemonade for those Health conscious people. A glass of that would cost you 30 bucks..."
"Great! Good luck with your business. I'll be at home drinking something else."
"Go ahead. Its people like you who ruin jobs and business plans. Thanks for coming!"

The door was already shut. My dream of having The Lemon Demon Inc. all around the world was shattered. Maybe, adding the evil face wasn't a good idea...

Harry Potato and the Worthless stone - IV

2010-06-09T21:50:00.000-07:00

To read Part - III, click here.

Everyone followed some guy who claimed to be the prefect. "Corridors, keep up. This way."
"Where are we going?", Harry asked.
"To a small Corridor. That's where you guys will stay."
"Hey. I thought Corridor was the name of our house..."
"How do you think it got its name?"

They walked through a hallway and then stopped. "This is the most direct path to your house. Keep an eye on the staircases. They like to dance."
"Dance? That's weird. Hey those are Birdieclaw. Where are they staying?"
"On top a tree. Bird... Nest... Get it?"
"Not even a bit..."

The kids were at a passage soon. There was a huge door with the painting of a guy on it. He was wearing a sky mask and a huge hat. "Password?", the man asked.
"We don't have a Password.", the prefect replied.
"Nope. You didn't stress on the don't properly."
"We dooon't have a Password. How's that?"
"Good. You may enter."

The huge door opened. Everyone were expecting a better corridor looking at its door. But it was a tiny and a narrow room.
"This is the Corridor Common Room or in other words the Corridor Corridor. HA HA. Get it? Corridor Corridor."
Nobody laughed. Pong asked, "Was that a joke?"
"Yeah... Anyway, Boy's dormitory straight ahead. And Girl's dormitory the same on this side. You will find that all your belongings have been placed next to your beds."

The next day Harry and his friends were seated in the Potions class. A man in a black cloak tried opening the door using a spell. After ten tries, he knocked. One of the students opened the door for him.
"I am Professor Severus Escape. There will be no silly wand waving..."
"Sir, why is your name Escape?", Pong asked.
"Don't make me forget my lines. It took me a day to rehearse them. Ask me anything later. Oh yeah let me continue... no silly wand waving in my class. As such, I don't expect all of you to appreciate the science of Potion making. I can teach you how to... wait a minute"

He took out a piece of paper and read, "I can teach you how to make potions and have glory and even stop death. Though, one guy is here forgetting his task..."
Harry was doodling in his book and not paying attention.

Professor Escape walked to Harry's desk and coughed. "It took me a day to practice those lines. Looks like you have enough abilities to not pay attention in my class."
"Well, I drew a Bunny. Here...", Harry handed out his book.
"It looks more like your head to me! So, Mr. Potato. Our new celebrity. The boy who forgot to save the potatoes. Since you weren't paying attention, I will ask you a few questions."
"Okey Dokey."
"Don't Okey Dokey me. Just answer. What would I get if I added Cereal to a bowl of milk?"
"I don't know sir.", Harry replied. Hermione was lifting her hand.
"You don't know? Well, lets try again. What's the difference between a Werewolf and a Werewolf costume?"
"I don't know sir..."
"Me. Pick me...", Hermione jumped.
"Pity. Clearly fame isn't everything. Is it, Mr. Potato?"

After a boring Potions Class, Harry and his friends decided to go to the Great Hall. All of a sudden, there were owls. "Mail time...", Pong sounded exited.
The owls dropped stuff. Neville Shortbottom got a Forgetbrall. "I've read about it. It makes you forget things even if you managed to remember them...", Hermione said.
"Not very useful, is it?", Neville laughed.

Harry got a Newspaper. "Somebody broke into the bank at Lepregots. Look here. It says - Believed to be the work of Dark wizards, the Leprepongs at the bank insist that nothing was taken. The vault in question 7 from the Happy Meal Toys department had been emptied the very same day. That's odd. That's the vault Horrid and I went to. That was the vault with the Worthless Stone..."
"Worthless Stone? The name itself suggests its worthless. What can the dark wizards do with that?"
"Don't ask me. Anyway, what were the answers to Professor Escape's questions?"
"The first one was you would get Breakfast. And the second had the word costume.", Hermione answered.
"Now why didn't I think of those?"
"You're a real potato, remember?" (to be continued)

Math and Me

2010-06-06T22:27:00.000-07:00

Math and I have never been very good friends. That made all my Math teachers hate me. The Integers were always mean and the signs made it all worse. I once said "Let's be good pals!" to my Math book. I got an F on my test the next day.

All my Math teachers either gave me stares or sad looks. There was Mrs. Yells at me in first grade. She gave me a F on my Math test once and wrote next to it "F" as in First from last!

There was Miss Big Help who sat next to me all the time. She was my bench mate in First grade. I turned to her for help in Tests. And she was always happy to help.
"Psst... What's 18+3?"
"12 billion..."
"Thanks..."
"That's 12 followed by 35 zeroes.", she added.
"I knew that!"

I got another F on my test. Mrs. Yells at me looked really sad and handed out my paper. I asked Miss Big Help about it and she said, "Maybe, she didn't count the zeroes properly."
There was another test pretty soon and the Math paper laughed at me. I wasn't losing this time. But the question was pretty hard. It was division. The worst thing ever created in the horrible subject.

105 divided by 7 is _____
"Psst. Miss Big Help what's the answer to this question?"
"Ice cream in the Candy Van..."
"What?"
"Add Chocolate at the beginning."
"But this looks like Math."
"I know. Its a tricky question."

I believed Miss Big Help and wrote that as my answer. Mrs. Yells at me wanted everyone to keep their papers and call out the answers. I then realized that everyone were given a different question. So, if Miss Big Help's answer was Chocolate Ice cream in the Candy Van, mine would be something else.
I asked Mrs. Yells at me if I could go use the Restroom.
"Let's see your answer first..."
"No! I've got to go. I 'll be back soon. Please...?"
"Okay. Two minutes."
"Done."

I was on a Public Phone. My Dad picked the Call. "Hello?"
"Dad its me..."
"Hey. You were supposed to be at School."
"I am at School, Dad."
"Are you alright? What's wrong? Why are you calling? What's the matter?"
"Don't panic Dad. Listen quick. I told the teacher I had to go to the restroom. What's 105 divided by 7?"
"What? You called me at work to cheat on your test?"
"The answer, dad. Quick..."
"That's not happening. At your age, I was determined to take all the Math questions. Division is pretty easy. Remember what we learned the other day..."
"I remember. And the answer is...?"
"Its a number. Bye."

That didn't help. Not even a little bit. I had guessed it was a number at the very beginning. I had to do something. Mrs. Yells at me had said two minutes. I entered the room and everyone were looking at me.
"Are you done or will you need another break?", she smiled.
"I'm done. BTW, Can I go drink some water?"
"No! Anyway, what's your answer?"
"Well... A number."
"Good. This was a Math test and everyone's got numbers. What exactly is your number?" So, Miss Big Help had lied to me.
"Let's just say its a big number."
"Alright. Bring your paper."
I took my test paper to Mrs. Yells at me and was sure she would yell. She calmly read it out and said, "Very Good". My parents were called. Mr. Principal was shocked. My Mom kept looking at my test paper. My Dad though, felt a bit guilty for saying it was a number!

Image Source : Google Images

Birthdays, Cake Fights and the Stare!

2010-06-03T22:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my Dad's Birthday. Even Mr. Neighbor was born on the same day. The guy who hates me a lot and has my name written on the top five spots in his "People to Hate" list. The other five goes to my brother and my dog.

After what happened on Mother's day, my Mom thought it was best that we purchased a Greeting card rather than make one. We had planned on gifting my Dad a watch and Mr. Neighbor a pair of shoes.

We were first at a Greeting Card store. After browsing for two minutes, we realized it was taking really long. Then, he found a greeting card. It had lovely words written on it. So, that was the Card we needed.

We then purchased the watch and brought a pair of white sneakers for Mr. Neighbor. We were back by 11 in the night and went to sleep. Yesterday, we got up early to give the presents. I woke my Mom first and my brother showed her the Card.
"This is cute, guys. I like that teddy bear picture a lot. Wait a minute, Happy Birthday Mom?"
"What? Where?", we spoke at the same time.
"Here. This is a card for a Mom. Not a Dad. Look, it says all the sweet words and then, Happy Birthday Mom."
"Don't worry, mom. We'll think of something." I was thinking and that was a bad thing to do. I thought of a plan and my brother agreed.

So, we woke Dad and wished him a Happy Birthday. Then we gave him his present and the greeting card.
He read the lines out loud -
"On your very special day...
May the Nicest and Sweetest things come your way!
Happy Birthday... The word Mom cut with a marker and Dad written?"
That was the best plan we had. In defense my brother said, "The first two lines rhyme, don't they?"
"They sure do. Was that a prank?", he laughed.
"It sure was...", we spoke together.
"Thank you so much..."
As long as he thought we had played a prank, we didn't have to disclose our plan. My mom though was laughing awkwardly at the back.

Next up was Cut the cake part. We had purchased a Chocolate Cake with red things at the top which a guy from the Bakery claimed were cherries. They never looked like one. But we still trusted him.
It was time we tried my Brother's Invention. He calls it the "Throws Cake At Your Face-inator" or "TCAYF-inator". The thing has two metal sheets supported by a spring and a small release lever next to it. So, we had the lever stay outside the cake. My dad was standing in front of the cake and my brother pulled the lever. Nothing happened. He tried it again but it didn't work. The only thing to do was use our hands. So, we had a cake fight. We threw it on each other rather than eat like normal people. By the end, all we had were messy faces and a messy floor.

My Brother's invention was a boo. We were at my neighbor's house in the evening for his Birthday party. We spoke to Mrs. Neighbor about adding the TCAYF-inator in their Chocolate Cake. She didn't think it was the right thing to do.
I finally wished Mr. Neighbor, "Happy Birthday".
"Thank you. Well... Enjoy the party!"
"Here's a present from us. I am sure they'll fit. Wear these.", my brother had a "Please" expression.
We got a stare from him. He tried them on and said, "These are great. Thanks a bunch."

The Birthday boys were having a chat. We again spoke to Mrs. Neighbor about adding the TCAYF-inator. "That's not happening. There are Old people here, guys. What if they panic on seeing a flying cake?"
"Alright. How about a cake fight?"
"Well... I am sure nobody will panic when they are busy throwing stuff at each other..."

It was the Cut the cake part. Everything was ready. Mr. Neighbor found us suspicious standing just across him. He cut the cake and everyone sang the Birthday song. I helped two old women with the lines. I started the cake fight by applying chocolate on Mr. Neighbor's face. My Brother and Dad were next. Within a few seconds, everyone were throwing cake bits like crazy. In a minute, there was no more cake left. Most of it was on the floor and on people's faces. The fight was over. Everyone were laughing except for Mr. Neighbor. He was staring at me and then at his shoes. The white sneakers were now brown. I got another spot on his list...

Image Source : Google Images

Trip to Water Hell

2010-05-31T22:02:00.000-07:00

My Great grandfather wasted most of his time in the Swimming Pool. He was a swimmer and loved the cold water. At least, that was what my Mom said.

She wanted her sons to be good swimmers just like her Grandfather. Her first son was a lazy bear and bears hated swimming. So, she was determined to make his brother a swimmer. And that was me! Even though, I pretended to be a bear, she didn't fall for it.

One morning, she stood near our Car and looked very exited. "C'mon let's go!"
"Go where?"
"I signed you up for Swimming classes."
I ran around the house, in the backyard and on my Neighbor's lawn. She followed me everywhere and was catching up. After twenty minutes of chasing, I was caught, tied up to the Car's seat with the seat belt and we were on our way to the Water Hell.
"I don't want Swimming lessons."
"Don't worry. They'll be fun!"
"What if I drown in the water?"
"That's one reason why you need to learn Swimming."

We were at the place early in the morning. The classes would start at 9 AM and we were half an hour early. There were weird people by the Parking Lot. They were my mom's friends, looking very exited after sending their kids to the Water Hell.

I entered the complex by nine. There were many kids of my age and one really huge kid. I kept walking around the pool. The water was really cold and it was a stupid thing to even touch it.
The huge kid said, "Everyone in the water."
"And who are you to give us orders?", I asked.
"Well, I am your Swimming Instructor."
So, the huge kid was actually my teacher.
"I don't care. The water's freezing and I refuse to get in."
"What's that?"
"What?"
"There in the sky."
"Where..."
The next moment, I was in the pool. The guy had pushed me in and acted as though, nothing had happened!

We were made to stay in the pool for ten minutes. Then the guy started the lessons. My turn was there quick. "I will hold you horizontally on the surface..."
"No thanks. I am happy just standing here."
"Don't be shy." The guy held me and said, "Now move you legs and hands simultaneously."
"Air. I am drowning. Help!"
I panicked. My legs and hands were moving around really fast. I manged to punch the guy on his face a few times. There were a few kicks too. We were both yelling at each other.
"I guess, that's enough of training.", he said.
"Yeah. So, can I go home now?"
"No. Its just 9:30. We have classes till eleven."
"Sir, I am freezing. I might go into a shock and drown. Then they will arrest you and this Swimming Complex will be shut down forever."
"I am sure nothing like that will happen. Anyways, I will now show you guys a technique that will help you if you get stranded at sea."
"That won't happen. I have no plans of going to sea..."
"Okay. Just learn it for fun. Its called the Dead Man's Float."

Those words kept ringing in my head. The Dead Man part was enough to freak me out. I shouted, fell and then screamed, "Help! Mom, Help!"
The huge kid picked me up and dropped me next to my Mom's Car. She was still chatting with the weird people. The Swimming Instructor gave both of us looks and then left.
"Why did you put a seven year old through so much of terror. That guy almost tried killing us with the Dead Man's float. And guess what he threw me in the water before. I am never going there again!"

My Mom's dream to see a Swimmer in me was shattered. She had me join Art classes next. Maybe her Great grandfather was an artist. Those went bad too...

Harry Potato and the Worthless stone - III

2010-05-28T21:48:00.000-07:00

To read Part - II, click here.

Harry Potato panicked. There was no way he could get off the train. Pong kept saying, "Saving the potatoes is your job. What are you doing on a train to Togwarts?"
"I get it, Pong. I forgot and now I have to think of a way to get out of here..."
"Saving the potatoes...", pong continued.

As Harry looked out of the window, there was a voice from behind. "So its true. You're Harry Potato, aren't you? I am Hermione Ginger."
"Nice to meet you."
"And you are...?
"Pong. Pong Weasley. Oh yeah, I forgot my lines - Saving the potatoes was your job..."
"What's he saying?", hermione asked.
"I had to save the potatoes, I mean the real ones from the Supermarket. I forgot about it and got on this train. Pong keeps reminding me of what I've done and that makes me feel more awful."
"There's no way you can get off this train. You need to speak to Professor Dumpydoor when we get to Togwarts."

The train arrived at Togwarts by nightfall. Everyone were off the train and Horrid was waiting to guide them to the School. "This way. Keep up guys."
As Harry was walking, there was a voice, "So, its true. Harry Potato has come to Togwarts. But, what's the chosen one doing at a School? He should have been at the Supermarket saving potatoes. But NO. He's here to learn magic. I almost forgot. I am Bellboy, Draco Bellboy."
"What's a Bellboy doing in a school?", pong asked.
"Bellboy is my Last name. And you must be a Weasley to ask such a silly question."

The kids followed Horrid until they got to the main gates. A woman was waiting for them.
"Hello and Welcome to Togwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am Professor McDonald's. In a few moments, you will be entering these gates and joining your classmates. But before that, you must be sorted into your houses. They are Corridor, Superthin, Birdieclaw and Shufflepuff. There's a reason why all of you are here. You are all wizards and will be learning to use spells and blah blah. Though, one person is here forgetting what he was supposed to do..."
"I am sorry. I just forgot!", harry said.
"Whatever. Follow me to the great hall."

Everyone followed Professor McDonald's. "Now, you will all be sorted in your houses by the Sorting Baseball cap."
Pong Weasley was called. The cap was placed on his head and it said, "This is easy. Pong! That's a funny name. I used to play Ping Pong an year ago. I was really good at it... Oh yeah, I forgot to sort you. Well, Corridor!"

Draco Bellboy was next. The Sorting Baseball cap was placed on his head. "Firstly, Bellboy? That's hilarious. Anyways, lots of evil. It should be Superthin... Seriously, Bellboy? HA HA"

Hermione was placed in Corridor. Harry Potato was called next. The cap was placed on his head. "Harry Potato. The boy who turned into a... hey, weren't you supposed to save the Potatoes at the Supermarket?"
"Everyone's asked me that today. I forgot, alright?"
"Okay. You don't have to yell. Anyways, Corridor!"

Everybody were placed in different houses. Professor McDonald's said, "Your attention please. Professor Dumpydoor wants to make an announcement."
"Hello everyone. I have a few things I wish to announce. And I need to say it quick or I might just forget. The first years please note that the Dark Forest is strictly out of bounds. And also our caretaker has asked me to inform you that the 7th floor..."
"We don't have seven floors professor. The third floor is forbidden.", professor McDonald's whispered.
"I knew that. I meant the third floor. Anyways, stay away from that floor. And if you get there by any chance, run around screaming!"

Dumpydoor looked at Harry and waved. He was the only one who hadn't spoken about the task. But, he often forgot things... (to be continued)