You try to indulge in something else, in hope of taking them down.

But like sly little creatures, these voices know just when you’ve let your mind at rest for a moment.

And they attack, like a hoard of locusts, infiltrating every sinew in you.

Over time, It’s apparent that the more you push them away, the more that multiply. Like infectious bacteria they dominate and consume your thoughts, your mind, body and maybe eventually, your soul!

I haven’t yet found the cure.

“There’s a big difference,” replied the little girl.
“If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go.”

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold yours.

~Anonymous

It didn’t take long after he came to terms with the shatter. It reminded him of a faint memory. A memory that ashamed him everytime the neurons in his brains chose to remind him.

It tore, just like he remembered. He associated. But couldn’t fathom. Obviously, the reasons were far apart. Maybe he chose not to measure.

Questions died before they arose. He skipped them just like a professional athelete subconsciously does when jumping through hurdles. Only obvious fact staring in his face was a response that would prove a point, from his summation.

So he reacted. Reprehensive, but ardent from his perspective. “Do you get the point”, he profusely pointed out under his breath.

A few hours later, he attempted his meditative analysis. Drew conclusions.

A few days later, tried validating his conclusions.

Failed.

Months later, he found himself exhausted & invalidated.

In time when he looks back now, he affirms that the reaction is hardly recalled. It’s the choke that still chokes!

His search for validation has been out of the window, years ago.

And thus, in invalidation & deception, were scarred the rest of the years, that began one solitary October evening.

And without much ado, here, we, go :)

I’m going to share a very simple, wonderful trick with you that will amazingly enhance your days & help you focus on the bigger picture of life – appreciation.

Consider a working day… what do you do the first thing in the morning when you wake up?

If you’re like most of us, you’d probably get a cup of coffee/tea brewing while you quickly scroll through your twitter/facebook/other news source to catch up on “breaking news”/what you missed last night/topic of the day?

Or maybe, jump into the shower, get ready, rush to work? And maybe somewhere in the middle of that, you’d try and squeeze in to check if you got any replies on that status message you posted last night?

Whatever your scenario be, if it fits in remotely anywhere close to the picture I painted above, I’m about to suggest you to do something different.

Give this a shot for the next couple of days. Well, I’d say, try it for at least a week. You’re more than welcomed to go back to your original routine if you don’t feel any different. But I assure you, you’re going to notice something serendipitous in a week’s time.

What am I suggesting?

Well, everyday, after you wake up in the morning, I urge you to spend 10 mins doing nothing!

Yes, you heard that right. I said, NOTHING.

OK fine, not COMPLETELY nothing. Maybe, make a cuppa, and simply do nothing but just sit there on your couch/chair/balcony and have it.

The key is to have no access to any sort of a source to consume any information. No mobile/laptop/newspaper/TV/radio… NOTHING!

You’d probably be like, OK, so what do I do while I’m sipping on my cuppa? Well, that’s exactly my point. Do NOTHING!

Ten minutes is all that is required. Every morning, wake up, get fresh, if that’s your prerogative. But do make a cuppa, and simply spend those ten minutes, doing nothing. If you’re not a coffee/tea drinker, well, have some juice, or water for that matter. But have something. If you sit for ten minutes without having something, you’ll get annoyed within seconds.

Why do it and how is this going to help?

In today’s world, we are all so consumed with events, activities, news and connections. And it’s pretty much an inherent part of life. Most of us cannot even comprehend of life without it.

Amongst all of this, we never do really give any importance whatsoever to reflect on ourselves. To allow our minds to rest, consciously. Think of it like an exercise where you’re powering-on your mind to deal with the rest of the day.

I can assure you, if you do this sincerely for at least even a week, you’ll notice that you’ll gain endurance, clarity, serenity and a strange sense of calmness of acceptance and appreciation of your life – whatever shape or form it currently is in.

Try it. And do let me know how you go :)

He could feel the heavy spasms of breaths he was taking. It was a while now, but he just only realised that he was.

Breath, something we take as a given. Something we never really, truly pay attention to! Everything talks about focussing on one’s breathing when one has to learn to relax, focus, funnel, meditate, visualise, hope, take stock… take perspective.

Like a one stop shop to buy time in finding answers.

But the more he fuelled his attention to his breath, the more vexatious he felt. “How is this gonna help”, he wondered ambiguously to himself. “Maybe if I count backwards on every breath?” – 100, 99, 98, 97… “Why do we start counting from 100 when we think backwards? Or 10?”

Without allowing the question more light, he vexed in continuing… “89, 88, 87, 86… or maybe I should count forward – I’ve been counting backwards since I was a kid, it’s easy… maybe I need something difficult to focus my attention to…. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5… Erm… what’s the point of this? Am I trying not to think? Am I avoiding thoughts to fill my mind? Maybe I’m trying to feel fit?”

“Maybe it’s….”

And abruptly as it was, he could suddenly feel the heavy spasms of breaths he was taking.

It was a while now, but he just only realised that he was.

And yet again I commiserate on my own apathy of the hiatus.

What’s the key? What’s the combination? What’s the ‘trick’?

These questions hound me of late.

Only one line that keeps playing on and on in my head like a broken record: “to infinity and beyond!”

Or maybe I’m just very hopeful towards Toy Story 3.

In a land far away a beautiful princess was about to get married to her dream man. She had been told he was the perfect man. Full of love, compassion, strength and intelligence – and of course handsome as hell. She was so happy. The wedding day came and went, the whole kingdom celebrated and all was well. The morning after an equally wonderful wedding night, the princess brought her new husband tea and biscuits in bed. He smiled, ate, drank, told her how deeply he loved her and then slapped her flush across the cheek. They had not lied, he was strong and the princess was knocked to the floor by the force of the blow. She was dazed, in pain but mostly just in shock. What was more surprising was the shock on the husband’s face. He was even more bewildered.

The husband convinced the princess that he was just as taken aback by what happened and was genuinely sorry. His kind eyes and sincere tone clearly indicated to her that he was telling the truth so she forgave him and they moved on. Some years passed and soon both forgot the ugly event, until one day just as suddenly it happened again…. Whack! Then, soon after it reared its ugly head again…. Whack! Now it was too much for both to take and so they decided to seek counsel. Being royalty, all the best medics were summoned and consulted. Various theories were postulated and several cures were tried. Calming oils, exotic herbs, exorcisms, but every so often… Whack! It would happen again.

Desperate, they finally went to see a mysterious sage who lived high up in the mountains and was reputed as the wisest medic in the land, but one who would rarely accept an audience. After a long, hard journey they finally arrived at the sage’s cave. He was sitting on a rock outside in deep meditation so they waited patiently. Several hours later the sage opened his eyes and noticed the couple and much to their relief agreed to speak to them. He led them inside and then heard about the problem. At the end of the narration he asked to see the husband’s hands and closely inspected his palms. Once done with the husband he surprisingly asked to see the princess’s hand and carefully began to check her pulse. Finally he looked up smiling and said, “I will tell you what is happening here, but in exchange you must not refuse me what I ask.” Anxious to have this mystery finally solved they both agreed.

“Well, my dearies”, said the sage still smiling and looking at the husband said, “You sir are a great, healer. Your hands contain great power and you my dear princess have a terrible disease that keeps re-occurring every so often. By slapping you he has been curing you of this affliction time and again. If it had not been for those slaps, you would have long perished by now.” What relief they both felt. Overwhelmed by what they heard they fell to the feet of the sage and tearfully thanked him. As for the payment, well the husband wound up and laid one directly on the sage…. Whack!

What is the point of this story? Relationship produces pain for you so that you may awaken to what needs to be worked on within yourself. In the case of the princess she was lucky as the pain was benefiting her without her knowledge, but in most of our cases we need to utilize the suffering caused by the relationship to inspect closely the disease of our attachments. The pain, upset, discomfort caused in the relationship helps to reveal the attachments we have and the inner working of our minds. It could be as simple as feeling bad for not being complimented on a new dress or as complex as getting upset with your partner for giving away too much to charity. All the upsets, big and small, simple and complex have their roots in our attachments. The attachments could be to security, money, sex, power, prestige, name, fame, religion, children, family, country, comfort, food, etc. It does not matter, our relationships, specially the intimate ones, will poignantly reveal them to us.

As long as we have these attachments, and they are strong within us, we live in fear and misery. Afraid of not getting that which we want, afraid of loosing it if we have it and fearful of those on whom we depend on for their fulfillment. Any relationship upon which you depend for your personal gratification and security will eventually lead you to the mess of anger, control, possessiveness, jealousy, fear and hatred. This is relatively easy to see if we watch relationships in action. So measuring the strength of one’s relationship by the level of attachment is quite silly. In fact, life will not allow such relationships to endure and by producing a few storms she will eventually tear it down and force a new one to be built. On the other hand, when two self-sufficient people meet, adore each other and enjoy each other’s company we have the makings of something special.

Seeing the trouble that attachment brings and realizing that love and fear cannot coexist, what can be done? Change your attitude towards relationship pain. See it for what it really is, an opportunity for insight. Insight into the working of pleasure and its child – desire, or pain and its child – fear. The way of insight is through delicate observation. When any upset occurs watch closely how you react to it. Watch closely how the storm of thoughts start to take control. “I can’t believe he did this again, he does it every time, I have told him so many times before, he knows how important this is for me, he is so selfish and inconsiderate, I bet he would not treat his mother like this, why doesn’t he change, I am never going to speak to him again, … I am so right!” On and on thought takes over and one is caught in the chaos. This is childish and won’t help at all, and the worst part is that a golden opportunity is being wasted. An opportunity to observe the self in action and perceive the root cause of the attachment. Have you ever tried to observe the actual feeling, the physical reality of what is taking place without interfering and without getting carried away into all the mental threads? By doing so, you will allow the fact of what is happening, anger, jealousy, fear, etc. to reveal itself to you in its complete detail. This is to understand by direct perception and allow insight to blossom. This is the only approach that will root out and weaken attachment. Any other reaction on your part to suppress the feeling, or run away from it, or replace it with good feelings, or psychoanalyse it, etc, will simply leave the underlying causes intact only to have the outburst happen again when the time is ripe.

The princess had cancer, which was cured by life through her husband; life tries in the same way to cure the disease of attachment that we are afflicted with using our relationships. Observing carefully our internal reality, that is reflected in our relationships, is the beginning of meditation. And meditation alone brings freedom and self-sufficiency. Relationship provides the most useful opportunities for applying ourselves in this way, so be ready, prepared and poised the next time you get Whacked.

Source: http://anmolmehta.com/blog/2007/01/08/the-true-purpose-of-relationships

(if you can’t see the “PLAY” button below you are probably reading this via a feed (Facebook etc.) – Please visit the original blog post on my site to listen it: http://devesh.net/blog/2009/10/22/shaayad-ye-waqt-humse-koi-chaal-chal-gaya

us’s mod se shuru kareN phir Ye zindagi
har shay jahaN haseen thee, hum tum the ajnabi

lekar chale the hum jiNhe jannat ke khwaab the
phooloN ke khwaab the wo mohabbat ke khwaab the
lekin kahan hai unmeiN wo pehle see dilkashi

rehte the hum haseeN khaYaaloN ki bheeD meiN
ulJhe huye haiN aaj sawaaloN ki bheeD meiN
aane lagi hai yaad wo fursat ki har ghaDi

shaayad ye waqt humse koi chaal chal gaya
rishta wafa ka aur hi rangoN meiN dhal gaya
ashkoN ki chandini se thee behtar wo dhooP hi

I think I should rename my blog from “Subtle Aspirations” to “Innocuous Hiatus” considering I haven’t posted, like forever!

Anyways, when I used to go to Church back home in Sydney, they had recently started to perform this worship song every week and immediately at the first instance, it became my favourite!

A few days ago, Michelle send this to me on Facebook and I relived my memories of Church in Sydney. The video that Michelle sent me had the chords of the song along, so I thought I’d try my hand at it…

It’s rusty as always (I hardly play any more)

Anyways, here it is :)

(if you can’t see the “PLAY” button below you are probably reading this via a feed (Facebook etc.) – Please visit the original blog post on my site to listen it: http://devesh.net/blog/2009/10/20/you-are-stronger/

There is Love
That came for us
Humbled to a sinner’s cross
You broke my shame and sinfulness
You rose again victorious

Faithfulness none can deny
Through the storm
And through the fire
There is truth that sets me free
Jesus Christ who lives in me

CHORUS:
You are stronger
You are stronger
Sin is broken
You have saved me
It is written
Christ is risen
Jesus You are Lord of all

No beginning and no end
You’re my hope and my defence
You came to seek and save the lost
You paid it all upon the cross

So let Your Name be lifted higher
Be lifted higher
Be lifted higher

The strangest bit… I did a search on google for agony metallica lyrics and all that came up was the lyrics to one of my most cherished songs in this lifetime… “Fade to black”!

Now this is a song I never thought I’d really post here, but then again, this has to be special… so here it is…

So here I go, to prepare to post this song on my blog and the moment I log in, considering that I hadn’t posted anything in quite a bit, I spotted this “draft” post that I had written on the 27th of Feb… called “Take a Chance”!

Strangely enough… I could’ve let this be and revised it eventuate it into what I wanted it to be…

But I didn’t… and here it is… what the post “Take a chance” was meant to be…

If you’re looking for the lyrics for “Fade to Black”, you can find it below this…

Oh… where did that “agony, metallica, lyrics” search come from?

Now now… getting too way ahead of yourself are you? ;-)

Here’s Take a Chance (or whatever that was left of its beginning!)

At the edge of insanity the road turns, or so I’ve heard.

At the end the tunnel, there’s a bleak streak, or so I’ve read.

Distances forgotten, eloquently

Subtly forsaken, the miles

Relinquished from the vices, the memories.

“Beware”, a whisper whistles.

“Be watchful, as it’s a double edge sword”

For all you read, you missed the torn page

For all you heard, their words silenced the warnings

For at the the edge of hope, covertly, lies your fall!

And here’s Fade to Black… as promised (for all those ardent sadists!) – This song has always meant a lot to me… there’s a connection way too deep that I’ve drawn from this song which rings back to 1996 – and of course, it never fails me every year :P

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye