Suburban Adventure

Suburban Adventure: Letting Go

2015-09-05T04:08:00.001-07:00

Suburban Adventure: Letting Go: "If you would have your son to walk honorably through the world, you must not attempt to clear the stones from his path, but teach hi...

Letting Go

2015-09-05T04:06:00.001-07:00

"If you would have your son to walk honorably through the world, you must not attempt to clear the stones from his path, but teach him to walk firmly over them - not insist upon leading him by the hand, but let him learn to go alone."
~ Anne Bronte

I have been watching my friends send their kids off to college for years now. We are at that stage now where it's time to let go and let our children off to explore the world. I am starting three years earlier by sending Christopher to boarding school. I have no doubt that this is the best decision we have arrived at, and that Taft is the place where he will thrive.
Last night however, the tears began to flow at around one am. I am still in discomfort from my surgery which tends to get worse in the evening. I spent the day helping my Mom since she was recently moved back home after a fall. All of those things jumbled together took a toll on my spirit.
It was a long day, I was hurting, tired and my mind was going to places that I was trying to avoid. I kept thinking about Christopher and the fact that he was leaving this week and I started to cry.

I rarely cry, I know it's healing and cleansing and all of that, however the lack of control that I feel when those tears really flow and you feel it in your throat- that I don't like. My friends and acquaintances have been telling me how much I will miss my son. "Oh I will be fine I quickly reply. I say the same thing over and over. " I am so excited for him, it is the right place for him and he is going to love it there, it's only forty minutes away- we will see him often." My reply is indeed the truth, I just leave out the rest of what I feel because I have not been allowing myself to think about it until last night.

As the tears flowed so effortlessly I thought of so many things- first off- the thought of not having my friendly and loving son here daily. His intellect and kindness has always added such life to our house. His friends will miss him, Giavanna will and certainly Achilles and Donatella. She sleeps in his room and he plays with Achilles in a brother like fashion that Giavanna nor I can emulate.

I thought of his empty room and not seeing him in my office reading and teaching me some theory that made absolute no sense to me.

Was I crying about Christopher, the pain I was feeling, the sadness I feel as I see my Mother struggling with the aging process. I don't know what caused all of this but I decided to walk around and realized a light was on in Christopher's room. I smiled and asked him what he was doing up so late.
He and I are very similar in many ways. He told me he does his best thinking at night, and then began to tell me about how he was excited and apprehensive and curious about what the experience would hold for him.
No reservations, just a combination of excitement and all the things we think and feel as we are about to embark on a new adventure. I hid my tears and laid down next to him. We talked for fifteen minutes and it was so nice. I truly am excited for him.

I went back to bed and those darn tears would not stop. I let them flow and allowed myself to acknowledge that I should be emotional. I have raised this boy as a single parent and I am now launching him to one of the best prep schools in the country. I am proud of myself, I am proud of him.
We will feel the change, all of us-including the animals of the house and we will in fact be okay. We have no choice. And so it goes, it finally hit me. My son is moving on to a new adventure and I am happy for him. I am his Mother and the love I feel for him is like no other. I feel good this morning and we will continue getting the final packing done. It's hard, it's exciting and it's so many things that I can not express. Onward to a new chapter. Parenting really is an amazing adventure. xo

Suburban Adventure: Still Smiling

2015-08-22T04:37:00.001-07:00

Suburban Adventure: Still Smiling: This one hurts, this one is taking longer to heal and this one is pushing me a little bit harder. It's okay though- I can handle it, th...

Still Smiling

2015-08-21T05:47:00.001-07:00

This one hurts, this one is taking longer to heal and this one is pushing me a little bit harder. It's okay though- I can handle it, the worst is over.

I am on the mend and I have reduced my chance of getting breast and ovarian cancer by 90 percent. I am aware there are no guarantees, but I took control of a situation that was all mine. I had no need for speculation or contemplation. If my test was positive, I would have two surgeries, period. I never required further input from anyone other than my doctors.

It's strange, with the two past surgeries I have had, I barely read about them as I knew I was in great hands and the surgeons would do what seemed medically appropriate given my positive Brca2 gene. It helped of course that my boyfriend and many of my family members are physicians. However, I didn't hem and haw I just scheduled the dates for surgery, happy I could get to Paris in between. After that I gave into faith, the universe, the doctors, the nurses, the entire system.

I let go and never fixated on my surgery, other then setting the date, having a few visits to the surgeons, and of course making sure all my loves were cared for.
The obvious tasks of life including preparing my children for school was in fact done right after our trip in July. To be organized and have life in order ensures a lack of anxiety for my type A personality. Checklist was done, I was mentally and physically prepared from the beginning.

It is only now that I am truly learning looking into the exact techniques and aspects of the surgery that I had done. I am so glad I didn't look at it prior or I would have been truly nervous. I was not nervous at all at the time. I realize now all of the complications and challenges that could have occurred which again makes me grateful that I did not search the internet night and day about my procedures. Did I do it one or twice yes... more than that- definitely not. Most of what you will find along with informaton are all the horror stories and negative people who need a place to vent. Trust me, stay away from google if you need surgery.

I was at peace for both of my surgeries, and I felt so good about having the courage to take my life into my hands. Always knowing there would be risk involved as well as pain. I was strong enough to do it and I can't help but feel good about that.

I am on the mend, I am relieved, blessed and grateful to my friends, my family, my talented and amazing surgeons and to all who love me. I am still in discomfort but I know that it will pass.

I am in awe of the caring and kindness that has been expressed to me, and I will never forget all of you who have helped along on this journey.

If you are ever having surgery, talk to me- I can help you prepare for it. I am confident that the approach that I had with both of mine hold the key to a quicker recovery, a lessening of anxiety and an overall peace. A peaceful mind is the gift you can give your body, yourself and the people around you.
Your healing time will be a journey that will remain with you, but you will be okay and your life will resume to normalcy.
You have to do the work however to get your mind in that place. It's pretty amazing. xo

Suburban Adventure: Divorce- The Gift that keeps on Giving

2015-07-21T17:37:00.001-07:00

Suburban Adventure: Divorce- The Gift that keeps on Giving: "Divorce is the Gift that Keeps on Giving" - Michelle A. Bravo I say that to my family and friends when the topic of divorce a...

Divorce- The Gift that keeps on Giving

2015-07-21T17:35:00.003-07:00

"Divorce is the Gift that Keeps on Giving" - Michelle A. Bravo

I say that to my family and friends when the topic of divorce arises. Today, as I walked into the courthouse to file paperwork, I reflected on the fact that my divorce in 2007 while stressful always remained peaceful.
I was extremely happy with the outcome and most importantly that I would have sole custody of my children. This to me was the ultimate success in the outcome. My kids would not have to move around, spend half the week here and half the week living elsewhere. Holiday- never an issue as they were always with me.
The most important part of my life was not disrupted. I was able to give my kids security, predictability and comfort. I was lucky and they were as well.

Since our divorce, we have been back to court five or six times. The reasons never vary, they are always court orders regarding finance and healthcare coverage. Income changes, jobs change, healthcare coverage changes. It is all about finances, it always is.

Wait, hold on my friends, didn't I already do all of this back in 2007. The paperwork, the financial affidavit, the motions.
That nerve racking day filled with anticipation and concern. Divorce was not supposed to happen when I think back to my childhood fantasy of marriage and children. However, it did happen and I was so happy and relieved when it was over.

I was proud of my ability to represent myself, to study the formulaic aspect of divorce law and to feel prepared enough to present my case to a judge, without any representation. I felt great that day because I was not afraid and I walked out with all in my favor.

It was not but a year later that our agreement had to motified, and then motified again, and again and again and one more time it will be motified at the end of this week. The courthouse and I are no longer strangers. I know my way around, I know the security people as I hand my pocketbook over and take my watch off prior to entering.

I understand the court calendar and all the forms that need to be filled out. I am no longer in awe of the people that I hear in the hallways and office, the stories that alarm me, scare me and amuse me. It has all become a familiar place. There is no doubt in my mind that I should have been an attorney.

Im comfortable in that environment, there is an air of excitement and confidence that stirs in me as I walk up each step to enter the courthouse. Divorce never ends, you might think it will, that your case will be different, that all will settle into the past- perhaps you will start a brand new life and forget all about your previous marriage. It all sounds so simple and final. Get divorced if you are unhappy and move on.
You can in fact move on and be happy, just make sure you don't have the fantasy that your day in the courtroom is done. You may in fact have the fantasy of going back to school to become a lawyer. I have that vision everytime I walk up those steps. xo

Suburban Adventure: Compassion, Empathy and the Importance of Good Man...

2015-05-31T05:20:00.001-07:00

Suburban Adventure: Compassion, Empathy and the Importance of Good Man...: As our life unfolds, I have come to realize that the script of our life does not always flow according to our plans. At the age of five an...

Compassion, Empathy and the Importance of Good Manners

2015-05-30T03:36:00.002-07:00

As our life unfolds, I have come to realize that the script of our life does not always flow according to our plans. At the age of five and until the age of 25, my life was ripple free and extremely easy. In fact the script of my life was flowing perfectly. Of course I lived a sheltered and privileged life in Greenfield Hill and then I moved to Boston.

I lived in a beautiful area and found my niche of friends who had similar backgrounds as myself, and life continued to flow with ease. Fortunately I continue to have a beautiful flow in my life but the bumps along the way have been quite sufficient and plenty.

My Mother had a small fall yesterday and as I received that dreaded phone call, my gut told me that this was not a life threatening situation. It could have been, but my instinct told me otherwise. I listen to my inner sense as over time it continually proves to be accurate. Naturally I raced to Fairfield too observe an ambulance, a few policemen and a small crowd of onlookers. Why people are fascinated by accidents is beyond my comprehension. The policemen were rude to me over the phone- I addressed them instantly when I arrived. They immediately refracted and turned on the charm. They annoyed me and I expressed myself very clearly.

People were on my last nerve yesterday. When tension and concern are brimming, the last thing I want to see is a soccer mom in a big SUV staring at my Mom on a stretcher. My wrath is visibly seen and I have no problem expressing myself as I did yesterday. Im a very nice and friendly person however the gawking is unacceptable. If you offer help- fine- if you smile- fine- it's the person who just stares that I find intolerable. I think there should be a required class for everyone to take early on in life. If I had my druthers it would be called:

Compassion, Empathy and the Importance of Good Manners- with that illusion I simply know that I have taught Christopher and Giavanna all of the above and that is the best I can personally do.

As we arrived at the hospital, the staff at Bridgeport Hospital were wonderful. They remember my father so his memory lingers which is always comforting. In fact the woman that taught me how to swim when I was a child was still there. She was around 20 at the time-- she is now around 60. It was a long night- five hours in the hospital before my Mother was released.

I am tired. These events always make me miss my loving Dad. They make me yet again reflect on the fragility of life as well as how quickly it goes and how fast it can change. Suddenly and without warning which is why I live with intention daily.

Compassion, Empathy and the Importance of Good Manners- perhaps I can offer it online or as an adult education class. All kidding aside, it should be taught in the home and it should be emphasized. When you are in a situation that is highly stressful, the skill of putting those things into practice can make all the difference to those around you.

Thankfully my Mother is home and well. She is scraped and sore and bruised. It is always heartbreaking to see a parent struggle. I find it heart wrenching and yet I do my part. I do my best and I do it with Compassion, Empathy and the best of manners. It's the very best I can do.

I hope everyone has a great weekend xo

Time To Inhale

2015-05-17T12:49:00.000-07:00

“We face up to awful things because we can't go around them, or forget them. The sooner you say 'Yes, it happened, and there's nothing I can do about it,' the sooner you can get on with your own life. You've got children to bring up. So you've got to get over it. What we have to get over, somehow we do. Even the worst things.”
― Annie Proulx

Inhale through your nose, and exhale through your mouth. Inhale through your nose, and exhale through your mouth. This became my mantra as I approached the unknown of the operating room and what my surgery could potentially have in store for me. My readers know my story, and thus I am writing to let them know that my first surgery is over, completed, successful and happily behind me.

The thoughts that raced through my head were varied as May 6th approached. I wondered what type of pain I would have, what emotions would overcome my spirit, what it felt like to say goodbye to loved ones prior to my surgery. I wondered if I would wake up and feel different, would my body feel like an alien invasion had occurred. Would I look different.

The thought of being entirely under and not aware of anything was a thought that lingered. There was something about not having control of my body whatsoever that bothered me. I couldn't stand up straight or fix my hair or any of the things we all do for the sake of vanity. I was stripped of clothing, jewelry, makeup, body lotion and deodorant. All of the things we mask or adorn our body with. The accessories that give a subtle description of what we care about, how we represent ourselves, they were all gone.

I half joked with my boyfriend that when I wake up, he better have my "Bag". This was the same "Bag" that I insisted on putting by my bed when I delivered Christopher and Giavanna. The contents were so simple yet I know if I were stranded on a desert island, these items would be on my essential list.

Vitamin C lip balm in Cherry
Lipgloss
Altoids
A small Mirror

While this list seems minimal and unimportant, they simply happen to be the things that get me through hours of waiting, anticipation of the unknown and give me comfort while all the other items of familiarity have been removed or forbidden.
The half joke, was not a joke at all even though I presented it as one. The insistence of this request made it obvious that this was a meaningful request. So as I waited for a long period to be wheeled into the operating room, my Vitamin C lip balm became my coveted item.

As I waited, I smile often and was rather calm. I was friendly with the five or so nurses that each came in to do a different preparatory. I answered the same line of questions each time they came near me- Do you have any allergies? What medications are you currently taking? What type of surgery are you having?
When my doctor came in I knew it was showtime. His calm, serious and warm nature all contributed to the calm and serenity that surrounded me.

I was not nervous, I was ready and I had prepared mentally for this surgery in a variety of ways. I was anxious to have it over with for the obvious reasons. As I was rolled into the operating room the freezing temperature was exhilarating to me.
The nurses all wanted to cover me in blankets and laughed as most people hated the chill in the air. I found it quite refreshing. I was in owe of the operating room, the sterility of it and size along with the equipment impressed me. I looked around happy to finally be in there and the last thing I remember was watching a scrub nurse put on his surgical gown. I wondered what his role was in all of this as he averted making eye contact with me.

When I woke up in the recovery room I was in significant pain. I was truly hurting and was very vocal about seeking relief. Within thirty minutes I was comfortable with pain but tolerant pain as I reunited with my boyfriend and was calmed by his warm hand on my face. His presence and involvement throughout this journey has warmed my soul and confirmed our love for each other, yet again.

I was walking within three hours of my surgery and I am now 12 days out from May 6th. Im not in pain, Im allowed to drive and I truly feel very good. My doctor was amazing in his skill, warmth and continued concern, and he made this journey tolerable and pleasant. I will always remember this and cherish the care that was given to me by all who assisted him.

I am lucky, I am blessed and I am grateful for all the people who have shown their concern in every way. It has moved me and given me the continued confidence and strength to press on toward my next journey in August. My gratitude to all who have helped me, Christopher and Giavanna during this period is too great to express. I will however continue to try. xo

Suburban Adventure: Suburban Adventure: Time To Inhale

2015-05-17T07:50:00.001-07:00

Suburban Adventure: Suburban Adventure: Time To Inhale: Suburban Adventure: Time To Inhale : “We face up to awful things because we can't go around them, or forget them. The sooner you say &#3...

Suburban Adventure: Suburban Adventure: Time To Inhale

2015-05-17T07:45:00.001-07:00

Suburban Adventure: Suburban Adventure: Time To Inhale

Suburban Adventure: Time To Inhale

2015-05-17T06:57:00.001-07:00

Suburban Adventure: Time To Inhale: “We face up to awful things because we can't go around them, or forget them. The sooner you say 'Yes, it happened, and there's ...

Suburban Adventure: The Sandwich Generation

2015-04-30T05:23:00.001-07:00

Suburban Adventure: The Sandwich Generation: THE SANDWICH GENERATION I have read about this and thought about it and now I find myself literally self sitting in a triple decker s...

Suburban Adventure: Memories of Love

2015-04-07T02:41:00.001-07:00

Suburban Adventure: Memories of Love: I have memories — but only a fool stores his past in the future. ~David Gerrold I love getting rid of things. I have been on a mission t...

Suburban Adventure: Heaven or Hell

2015-03-31T05:26:00.001-07:00

Suburban Adventure: Heaven or Hell: "The spiritual quest is not some added benefit to our life, something you embark on if you have the time and inclination. We are spiri...

Full Speed Ahead

2015-03-30T02:26:00.002-07:00

This Too Shall Pass-

My father's always enjoyed seeing a smile on my face. So much so that whenever I was not smiling he would tell me to cheer up. His enthusiasm and zest for life was innate. He didn't have to try to be enthusiastic or friendly or happy. He simply was all of those things. He lived with verve and gusto, and grace. He accepted his fate with the same grace and gusto, retiring at 55 knowing he had metastatcic cancer. He died ten years later having enjoyed a fruitful and adventure laden ten years.

I observed at a young age that my father was never sick. He was never under the weather, I never knew him to take a day off or complain that he had a cold. In fact, I grasp to recall any instance in which my father complained about his health or even a headache. I grew up in a house in which we were taught not to dwell on any physical ailment. My parents did not cater to us if we had a cold or sprained our ankle. They would care for us, nurture us but did not encourage us to wallow in anything that pertained to physical pain or discomfort caused by a sore throat. The situation was addressed, medicated if need be and it did not become the main topic of conversation in the household.

In essence, life went on whether you had a cold, or a sprained arm. Move on, don't focus on the negative and remember that this too shall pass.

As I recall my father's approach to life, it seemed this a common phrase when things did not go in the direction we had anticipated. My Dad often said this with a smile, a wink and some sort of physical display of affection. He was warm, exuding a gentle compassion while encouraging forward movement.
He always focused on the positive, never spoke of the negative and taught me the same as I approached my life, my decisions and my difficulties. He taught me by his own example- to live with verve, good spirit and a sense of positive determination.

He approached his illness this way, and accepted his infinite death in the same manner. With grace, with dignity and without fear. He was the very best example of a human being. I am blessed to have him as my father and I feel his presence of protection and love in my house, around my children and in the air that I breathe.

I knew my Genetic testing would come back positive. How could it not with the history of cancer that runs in my family. My mother, my father and a host of several relatives over the span of time. It is the gene that I inherited, along with the optimism and good nature, I too would find myself having a conversation about cancer and my options. I have fortunately not been diagnosed with cancer, thank God. I am however going to be proactive about my options and choose the Angelina Jolie course of action.

The breast surgeon, who happens to be the one who operated on my mother when she had breast cancer is also a friend, she was sympathetic yesterday as I met with her for the first time. "Oh no... I didn't expect to see you here was the first thing she said to me".
I smiled and said.. and such is life, it's okay I feel blessed. I don't have to reach very hard to be strong, to feel confident about my decision to have two surgeries. If I don't, my chances of getting ovarian and breast cancer are alarmingly high.

I have no interest in living my life getting checked all the time, taking medication and being under monthly survalance. I will be proactive, which is how I have lived every step of my life thus far.

If I am in an unfavorable situation, I get out. If I don't like the direction Im going in I find another way to go and If Im not happy, I figure out why and address the issue in the appropriate manner. This is no different.

I didn't have to think about my decision, nor ask for anyone to support my decision.

Once hearing the statistics and dire results of my positive brca2 test, as far as I was concerned the decision had already been made.
I have shared this information with my family and loved ones. Everyone has been supportive, loving, kind and sympathetic. I don't want sympathy and in fact dislike it.

I am lucky, I am blessed. I am fortunate that I have the opportunity to hopefully and God willingly be spared of this disease. If I am not, I will be in peace knowing that I did my best with the options that were presented to me, and I feel good about that.

In the past few weeks I have had biopsies, blood tests and multiply meetings with surgeons. I have waited for phone calls to confirm that my results are negative. I have scheduled one surgery for the Spring and the other for a few months later.

I have been working on arrangements for the summer in regards to my children, my dog, my Mother, my house and all the other aspects of life that are joyfully my responsibility. I am once again preparing to take action and to change a situation that has the potential for chaos and upset.

How can I not feel good and empowered by that decision. I can see my father smiling, knowing and feeling that he would have approved of my decision. He would be proud to see that I too am brave and accepting and proactive as he was. I feel his loving presence around me and I can hear him saying with a smile, this too shall pass. I truly am blessed and grateful. xo

Suburban Adventure: Ex Boyfriends

2015-02-11T02:41:00.001-08:00

Suburban Adventure: Ex Boyfriends: " We drank a toast to innocence we drank a toast to time. " Im still friends with a couple of my ex boyfriends. Good thing Im ...

Suburban Adventure: Heaven or Hell

2015-02-08T06:21:00.003-08:00

Suburban Adventure: Heaven or Hell: "The spiritual quest is not some added benefit to our life, something you embark on if you have the time and inclination. We are spiri...

Suburban Adventure: Heaven or Hell

2015-02-08T06:21:00.001-08:00

Suburban Adventure: Heaven or Hell: "The spiritual quest is not some added benefit to our life, something you embark on if you have the time and inclination. We are spiri...

Heaven or Hell

2015-02-08T06:20:00.003-08:00

"The spiritual quest is not some added benefit to our life, something you embark on if you have the time and inclination. We are spiritual beings on an earthly journey. Our spirituality makes up our beingness."

I respect every religion and believe system. Your personal spiritual journey is yours alone. I was raised in a Roman Catholic family, we attended church, celebrated the sacraments and prayed for things we thought important.
We were Italian- we relied heavily on Saint Anthony to find all that was misplaced. A statue of Saint Francis was nestled in our backwoods to welcome all of the animals.

I attended Lauralton Hall, a Catholic school run by nuns and I am raising my children Catholic as well.
I have also taught Religious Ed. for four years, not sure how I have lasted so long. I however realized the fact that this was an opportunity to teach children at a young age some important things that perhaps had not been learned at home.
Manners first off followed by virtues that I think are essential.
I have veered away from the mundane and meaningless stories in the Teachers manual and have resorted to my own sense of what matters to be a good person, who is grateful - a spiritual and compassionate person.

When I attended Northeastern and frequently took the T- I was often approached by religious people spreading the word of Jesus. It irritated me. Im not interested in discussing my beliefs or hearing the ideals of someone I do not know or respect. I do not like being encouraged to embrace someone else's strong belief when they do not know who I am, or truly care. The imposing of religion or spirituality on another is wrong. I have always loved studying different religions, cultures and thought beliefs but that is my own personal thirst for knowledge.

Live your life, raise your children how you wish and I shall do the same.
I can't stand when the Jehovah Witnesses ring my doorbell. There is something about them and the way they boldly hand out literature that bothers me.
I often simply tell them to not come back. I offer no other conversation. Im friendly and nice and enjoy meeting new people - however - I don't want to hear what you think about Jesus.. I just don't and don't walk up my driveway.

Yesterday a group of people spreading the "good word' pulled up my long, windy and very private driveway.
Unexpected visitors are a rarity based on how my house is set back from the street and the fact that I have a guard dog. Nothing really screams out... welcome all visitors. Im raising two children alone. Im the sole protector of my family, my property and I do it fiercely.

My children have witnessed it and get a kick out of it but also feel one thousand percent safe despite living on a country road in the woods. Now that I have Achilles, our Giant protector, no one has come to my door unannounced. Until yesterday-
I was upstairs and I heard Achilles barking- there are two barks. One when he is playing around and one when he is at work.
This was a working bark. I quickly looked out the window and there were two children, dressed in suits about to walk right up to my dog and to my front door. Despite the snow on the ground- I ran out with flip flops on and yelled Stop- Please Don't walk any further.

The parents sat in the car as they watched their children approach my dog who was barking profusely, obviously concerned about our visitors.
As I approached the boys, they happily starting walking toward me. Again I told them to stop. I would come to them. I was friendly as they were sweet boys and had such a kind nature to them. Their parents did as well and yet I found it unreal that they were so focused on spreading the word of Jesus that they didn't see the concern of Achilles.

I thanked them and told them not to come up my driveway again. Christopher asked me what had happened and I smiled as I threw the brochure his way. He had the same sentiments thankfully as I do.. Why are they driving up our driveway- no one in our town is going to answer the door- we don't live in little neighborhoods where the homes are back to back. He was not interested in them either.

Each of us has our own beliefs. Im happy that they have found their light and have signed up to spread the word of their institution but spare us. Do your thing, however you do it but don't impose it on others. Spirituality and Religion are personal, they are carved out, molded and evolve as they will. I encourage those in difficult times to turn inward and reflect and happily suggest all of the spiritual, philosophical and prayerful rituals that enrich our lives.

I practice many different belief systems. I will guide and nurture that growth of spirituality in my children as I find accordingly. This however is my job, not the job of a random group of people in a caravan that decide to drive up my driveway to spread what is their belief. Live and let live.

Suburban Adventure: Damsels In Distress

2015-02-06T02:35:00.001-08:00

Suburban Adventure: Damsels In Distress: " The caring spirit of strangers continually warms my soul." Michelle A. Bravo The snow continues to fall and the roads...

Damsels In Distress

2015-02-06T02:33:00.000-08:00

" The caring spirit of strangers continually warms my soul." Michelle A. Bravo The snow continues to fall and the roads are extremely icy here in the Northeast. Im extremely content this winter and have enjoyed being nestled in my house, catching up on organizing, writing my book, reading, and spending time with Christopher and Giavanna. Im not much for staying home all the time so being trapped inside due to a storm ignites my motivation and creativity.

This past Tuesday, as I was driving back to my house after teaching Religioius Ed.. I could anxious to get home to my warm house. It was a frigid afternoon and I had just spent the hour teaching 15 eleven year olds who had just consumed chocolate. Need I say more.

As I neared my driveway I noticed an SUV had crashed into a snowbank and was stuck. I quickly went over to see if the young girl driver was okay and then smiled as she was fine and so sweet. She was nervous as she had been stuck for a while and since I live on a somewhat quiet road, the chances of rescue were not immediate.

I quickly drove up my driveway and grabbed a shovel to try and dig her out. As I walked closer to her it was more than apparent that I would never have the ability to conquer this task single handedly. At this time her Mom had arrived on the scene, relieved and grateful that her daughter was safe. We both had shovels in our hands, and smiled at each other fully aware that this would be an insurmountable task.

As a single woman living the Suburban life with the most treacherous driveway known to man, I know what to do in times of despair.
It was time to play a role in which I am truly role -playing- the woman in need of rescue.

I told them not to fear as I would find help in no time. Determined yes -and with a confident approach I flagged down the next truck with a plow that drove toward us. I was standing in middle of the street and he would have had to hit me to get me out of his way. He had no choice but to stop

I ran up to the drivers window and smiled as I pleaded in a happy manner for him to help us. He had a warm smile and a face that exuded warmth. I could tell he was slightly amused at my tenacity and friendliness but a smile always goes a long way. He was more than happy to help us. He was such a kind man, and lucky for me, he turned out to live on my street. Clearly this gift was sent from above.

He tied her SUV and tied it to his truck and effortlessly pulled her out in three minutes. There are times when special people appear out of the blue. It is in those times that I am blissfully reminded of the innate goodness in people. I have cultivated relationships like this for because I love people and out of necessity given the manner in which I chose to live.

The best part of this day was making two new friends. I instantly connected with the Mom on the scene. It was instant friendship with us as we discussed how we ended up in Easton and the rest of our life details. I rarely see anyone on my street when I walk Achilles and yet in this instance where help was needed, it arrived clearly by the grace of God. As we exchanged phone numbers and business cards, I knew in my heart that new friendships were being initiated and it warmed my heart.

In times of trouble, it is always a great thing of beauty for me to observe a united spirit of the willingness to help strangers. Im so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life. They often seem to appear when I need them the most.
Im blessed in so many ways, my two new friends are simply two more things to be grateful for. xo

Suburban Adventure: Missing You

2015-02-02T22:43:00.001-08:00

Suburban Adventure: Missing You: "My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me." Jim Valano My Father was always the f...

Suburban Adventure- Marriage, Divorce, Remarried and More....

2015-01-14T18:40:00.000-08:00

“Once we figured out that we could not change each other, we became free to celebrate ourselves as we are.”

Marriage, Divorced, Remarried and More

I don't think there is one woman on the planet who did not have the perfect plan in mind for the ultimate marriage. We set out on our journey of young adulthood with visions of a family, a loving and passionate union and a marriage that will survive the test of time. Love is all we needed, the rest would certainly sort itself out. Love will see you through anything. Divorce will never be an option, at least that is how I approached marriage later to find that in fact, divorce was the best option. I speak only for myself and Im pro marriage, I just happen to be happily divorced as well.

The path is set out before us, with examples of happily married couples everywhere- most couples in their late twenties are so excited and in the midsts of excited plans. At this age, we see newlyweds who are in their utmost bliss.
All around us, our friends are celebrating and getting married. Love will find us as well and we will join the rest of happily married people and then, only then, will our lives will be complete. Certainly our jobs satisfied us, as did our friendships but the true sign of contentment, from my observation was the belief in saying I do and settling down.

The cast of people around certainly add to that sentiment - "You're next- When's it going to be you- Have you met anyone special yet- You're not getting any younger you know". As women, we begin to hear all of this at around 24 or as one's friends begin to get married.
All of those comments add to the belief that marriage is the ultimate goal. It was certainly something that I desired, believed in and was excited about. I just didn't realize the important elements that I required in order for a marriage to truly survive, well not just to survive but to truly flourish as well as nourish.

To survive in a marriage, well that can be simple if we lose the ideal that we so long for in our minds. Being married, without true happiness would not suffice for me, but it does offer an aspect of life that is convenient. Depending on ones situation, it can offer financial stability, a safe haven and a predictability which may be crucial for an individual.
I enjoy speaking to people who are married, divorced, remarried, single, widowed about relationships. In fact Im fascinated and yet never surprised to hear that many people stay together for the sake of convenience. Staying married is certainly simpler if simpler is what you are looking for. I also love hearing that people are madly in love and would chose the same partner if given the choice. I think that's wonderful and those who have that experience are truly blessed.

Those who believe in true love feel that if they just find the right person, all will fall into place and there are those who want more and believe that they can create the perfect situation for themselves. We are all different and unique individuals who crave different aspects of a relationship. The quest is personal and no one can tell you what you need to make your heart happy. Everyone thinks they know, but truly it comes from inside.

If your heart is happy, you will feel peaceful and settled. Relationships require balance, effort, respect and attention as well as the desire to be together, mutually. Im not convinced I have all the answers to what would make a marriage successful. I am however confident that I know what makes a very happy and loving relationship and for me personally, that is priceless.

Speaking Less

2015-01-14T18:15:00.000-08:00

We have two ears and one tongue so that we would listen more and talk less.

Diogenes

There are many times particularly in family conversations when I bite my tongue. The inside of me is brimming with commentary, response, or perhaps my true opinion and then I stop. Words and response can add fuel to a fire that barely had a spark. We have control more often than not and holding your tongue can bring a tremendous amount of satisfaction. There are also occasions where words must be delivered however it is most likely more often than not.

Im one to speak my mind so it is a particular challenge for me. I have been putting it into practice not only with my family but in other areas of my life. I let people speak their mind as not everyone is looking for advice, input or opinion. If they are, they typically ask and then Im happy to share my opinion.

Saying everything that you truly feel is never a good idea. Imagine if everyone could hear the thoughts that mull through our minds as we listen to people. Many relationships would falter and rather quickly. Thankfully we have the ability to formulate our opinions and thoughts without having to express all of them.

Don't misunderstand me. I encourage my children to speak up and express themselves as in these formative years I believe it is of great importance to ensure self confidence. This is something that has to come with time and with a realization that we hold the key to many of our personal relationships by the words we speak or the unspoken ones. I have no problem speaking my mind if someone is offending me or my family. I will express my upset with strangers or acquaintances. What Im referring to is the close personal relationships that we nourish and cherish.

Those are the connections that will benefit from less response. I encourage you to try it the next time a family member or close friend annoys you for whatever the reason. Say nothing, don't make a face or a fuss and don't respond.

Don't allow negativity to flourish by responding. It is not a simple task but what transforms as a result is rather magical. You have taken control of a situation and you have gracefully let someone express themselves. Let words roll off your back and have the confidence to not absorb any negativity. Never let the insecurity or issues of others impede upon your great ability to flourish. xo