What if there are no red flags? What if the “relationship” you are developing just isn’t right for you? This is tough, if you read Kay’s lovely article about her (CONGRATULATIONS) marriage, you know that the best relationships don’t always start with a bang.

This is extremely hard for me to judge. I personally tend to be far too quick to write someone off for a minor reason. I’m sure there are plenty of wonderful guys I just haven’t given a chance to. So I sit here tonight, and write this, while in the middle of an IM conversation that just is not thrilling me. My goal is to identify a few, well, let’s call them “Pink Flags” – signs that someone may not be a match. However, I’d love YOUR feedback! What is it that makes you say, that’s enough, this isn’t going anywhere?

Boredom

Ok, I try to give a few grains of salt for nerves, shyness, etc. I know, as boisterous and outgoing as I am, I tend to be much more reserved when getting to know someone. However, if real time conversation (Instant Message, Phone, Text) stalls or doesn’t keep your attention, that’s a sign. In other words, if you leave an IM to go write a blog entry…there may not be enough to keep you going.

Values

Let’s face it, we often put half truths or watered down versions of ourselves on profiles. We don’t want to scare off 90% of the potential dates by being all crazy up front. If in the course of conversation, you realize that there are really different sets of values, you may want to reconsider moving forward.

Common Ground

How many profiles have you read where people like to “hang out with friends,” “watch movies” or any other platitude? Really? Most humans like to do that at least occasionally. When it comes down to how we spend a majority of our leisure time, there needs to be a relatable area. I for one, do not enjoy yard work or gardening, so someone who wants to spend their free time outside may not have enough in common with me. At the same time, a guy who wants to hit up happy hour every night or is bored after 10 minutes at home won’t work either.

No Forward Momentum

Have you emailed back and forth? Is the conversation never progressing? I’m all for a “getting to know you” phase, but it’s got to have potential – otherwise, it’s just a nice pen-pal. As the female, I won’t lie, I like the guy to take initiative…but I drop hints – movies I want to see, restaurants or bars I like. If it’s not progressing, there has to be a point where you can simply walk away with no hard feelings.

These are just a couple of things I’ve decide on my own, but I’d love to hear from others. Keep in mind, these are vanilla reasons to walk away, not the serious, red flag issues that should not be ignored. Everyone has their own tolerance level, and it’s up to you to decide how long you will let a mediocre relationship brew…sometimes, that extra time makes all the difference.

This blog has sat idle for some time, mostly because I was busy developing a wonderful relationship, getting married, and settling in.

Here’s the story – I decided to try OK Cupid at Mandi’s urging…she said the tests were fun to take and it’s a free dating service. So I did, took some tests, and checked out some profiles.

There were some contact emails, but at that point I was so jaded I really wasn’t interested in any type of relationship. Besides, my son was here on leave and I was busy spending time with him.

One night Nick went  out partying with his  buddies, and out of sheer boredom I got on OK Cupid to look around and see what new test I could take. I got an IM from a guy named John – I had already checked out his profile, but he looked too much like somebody I knew so I’d decided I wasn’t interested (see how fickle I had become?).

Normally when someone IM’s me I click out of the site, I’m that bad. But that night I responded, and pretty soon we had a nice little conversation going. Over the next few evenings we had some long phone talks, but I refused to meet him because of an eye infection I was dealing with – I wasn’t going to meet anybody with a patch over one eye!

He persisted, and when my eye got better (he says it took 2 weeks, I say 3 days) we met for coffee, with my one stipulation being that it NOT be at a Starbucks. John turned out to be a really nice guy, but when he asked if he could see me again, I was really on the fence, and he knew it. I had recently read an article by a dating advice guru about giving someone nice 5 tries, because it takes that long to really get to know a person.

So I said okay, and the next 4 dates were lovely. But that whole time, I was still on the fence. I thought he was a super guy, but to be honest, I wasn’t feeling that strong physical attraction (lust) that drives some relationships. John knew it, too, and didn’t push me at all.

Then one day, I started looking into his eyes when we were talking – really looking. What I saw blew me away. There was so much caring there. That’s when I started feeling a stirring in my heart for John.

He grew on me, that’s the only way to put it. Over time, John became an important part of my life. The stirring in my heart caused stirrings elsewhere, but it was all part of a whole.

John asked me to marry him on New Year’s Eve. I was not expecting it! I said yes, and on March 6 we got married in the Little Chapel in Las Vegas, in a sweet, touching ceremony. It was very emotional for me – I cried the entire time, and John had tears in his eyes too (he says not, but I saw them). The limo took us back to Paris and we had a romantic wedding dinner in the Eiffel Tower.

The past 4 months have been wonderful. We are amazingly compatible. There’s no drama, no rollercoaster rides, no fear or uncertainty. We work out our problems, bitch at one another occasionally, laugh a lot, and cuddle up together every night. He’s my rock.

I could not be happier.

Mandi and I appreciate comments and emails from readers. We sincerely try to provide help and guidance in the online dating arena, and when someone spends the time to write a well-written email like this that has a strong opinion of a site, we feel it’s in your best interests to print it.

We received this email from Stan, and decided to print it in its entirety to warn you of his opinion and experiences with Chemistry.com. I have to admit that I’ve been having some of the same issues since I joined; in fact, it’s been several weeks and I haven’t even had email correspondence from anyone on the site.

Thanks, Stan, for taking the time to write this:

borderline scam?

Hi, not sure if you guys tried out chemistry.com but it’s a borderline scam. Supporting that site is going to lead to disappointed readers.

The problems with chemistry.com are numerous.

dating preferences ignored

1. It ignores your preferences. It keeps matching me up with people who would have no interest in me or vice versa. For example, I describe myself as average in build, and it matched me up with someone who only wants to meet athletic people.

2. Distance. The site is insane. I live near LA. I have millions of people all around me and it keeps giving me matches that are 50 miles away. Do you know how long it takes to go 50 miles in LA? Lots and lots of hours!

garbage profiles

3. Garbage profiles. They match you up with people who sign up for free accounts! Those usually don’t bother with pictures and have a few sentences describing themselves. Worthless.

4. More Garbage. On top of that they keep matching you up with inactive accounts as well as the trial accounts. These are people who can’t contact you.

5. They’re not even showing my profile to anyone. It’s been days since my “Interest” count jumped. By “Interested” it means someone saw my profile, doesn’t even mean they’re really interested in me. How is it that they can find 10 matches a day for me to look at, but can’t find anyone to show my stuff to?

This is a complete scam. My “active list” currently has 23 people on it from whom I’m awaiting a reply. None of them have replied – you know why? Because they’re not there.

By “reply” it’s not like they have to send me an email. They simply hit an accept or reject button. Being that they’re not even rejecting me, it’s hard to not be suspicious.

no way to get your money back

This site is a scam and I’m seriously considering contacting my credit card, the better business bereau, the chamber of commerce in their home city.

At this point I just want my money back and their policies don’t even allow that.

This site is a scam. Please warn your readers.

Thanks Stan, for your input. We also have an article about my personal experience with Chemistry.com.

Does this mean he’s interested in you and wants a relationship?

Women need to understand the clear answer to this is NO.

All it means is that he has has been somewhat patient and finds you attractive enough to have sex with you. Which isn’t saying much, since my male friends all admit men are “dogs.”

Men are very good at knowing how to seduce you, since they’ve been observing you carefully and thinking about how to do so since they first met you. If they’re over 21 they’ve most likely had plenty of practice and have shared and learned new techniques with their buddies.

The Double Standard Exists

It’s not fair, but the double standard still exists.

Sex is a sport to most men on the dating scene, and you’re the end goal. Men separate “sport sex” and “intimate sex” in their minds, and once you’ve entered the “sports” category it’s pretty much impossible to change it.

If you let it happen (sorry, ladies, but it’s all up to you) you can expect to never hear from him again, or maybe get a few booty calls before he moves on. This is one reason why we see so many Google searches on “why didn’t he call back.”

Once you get it firmly in your mind that this is the way it really works, and you’re looking for a long term relationship with a man, ask yourself this: why would you let it happen?

Why let yourself be used for someone else’s gratification when you know they’ll soon move on to the next available female body? Why take a chance on the emotional pain you’ll experience, and the possible after affects (aka STDs)?

Decide On What You Want

Do you want to continue on with a series of casual encounters – or do you want a real relationship with a man who is interested in you as a person and not as just another female goal?

A man who wants a true relationship with you will not push for sex. He doesn’t want to ruin a good thing, and as a result self-gratification is not uppermost in his mind.

He must already be out of the “sex for the conquering hero” phase and into a time in his life where he wants an intimate relationship. This is not an age-related stage – it’s a state of mind. If he’s not at that point you’re not going to change him, no matter how wonderful you are and how well the two of you hit it off.

How to Tell a Man Wants a Relationship

Pay attention to how he acts, not so much what he says. The saying “Actions speak louder than words” is absolutely true.

1. He calls you regularly and when he says he will
2. He treats you with respect and acts like he thinks you’re special
3. He doesn’t push you for sex, in fact he holds back

Give yourself time to get to know him. If one of you decides you’re not right for each other, you’ll be disappointed, but you will have saved yourself from that gut-wrenching misery and regret that the end of a sexual relationship brings.

If the relationship works out, when you do become intimate, it will be making love, not “having sex,” and it will enrich your relationship, not be the entire focus of it.

This is the last in our series featuring “10 Mistakes Women Make With Men.” Mandi and I hope you’ve enjoyed it and have gained from reading it.

MISTAKE #10: Not Getting Help

This is the biggest mistake of all.

This mistake keeps women from EVER having the kind of success and finding the kind of man and relationship that they truly want.

I know, you don’t like to make yourself look weak or helpless. We don’t like to ask for help.

Hey, I’ve been there myself.

Let me tell you a little about me.

Over the last few years it’s been hard to watch the women around me (even those I dated) struggle to understand the men they were attracted to or dating.

It frustrated the hell out of me and I made the decision to do whatever it took to help the women I knew learn how to be successful with men and dating.

Well, after a lot of hard work and doing all kinds of crazy things to learn the real-world truth about men and women, I finally figured things out for myself.

I’ve read hundreds of books on psychology, human behavior, dating/relationship advice for men and women, love, attraction, communication, and more. The list goes on.

I can now approach just about any situation with dating and feel confident and understand everything that’s going on in an interaction.

Best of all, I’ve been able to share my knowledge and help women become more successful with men and dating.

It’s been a very rewarding experience, and it’s how I became fascinated with the female perspective in the dating world.

I’ve helped women get rid of that sick, insecure feeling… the one you get when you’re lonely, you’ve been hurt or lied to, or when a man you have feelings for says “he’s not ready.”

You don’t have to be afraid you might wind up being lied to, cheated on or that you’ll end up alone.

FREE Email Newsletter…

But the really great news is… after several years, helping woman after woman, I now publish a free email newsletter that teaches any woman how to DRAMATICALLY increase her success with men and dating.

I’d like to invite you to sign up.

It’s free, there’s no obligation, I’ll never share you’re email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself with no hassles. (And no, I’ll never pull any of those tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk mail when you try to remove yourself.)

Of course, it even get’s better than that…

In addition to my free email newsletter, I also have an amazing downloadable eBook that you can download right now and be reading in literally MINUTES.

It’s JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming your fears, meeting men, great ideas around first dates, cheat-proofing your relationships, and how to take things to a closer emotional and physical level smoothly and easily.

To sign up for my free newsletter AND download your copy of this online eBook, just go here:

Free Dating Advice Newsletter And Download eBook

Oh, I Almost Forgot…

In this day and age of  “instant gratification,” I realize this might just sound like another late-night infomercial promising to make you wealthy and retired by next week.

Well, that’s not the case.

I’ve spent a lot of time, effort, and energy studying, observing and understanding this area of life.

I wanted to design and create a book that ANY woman could easily understand.

Something you could start using IMMEDIATELY to meet, attract, date, and get close with a great guy.

I want to help you create an amazing relationship with the right man… without having to deal with all the wrong men, be manipulated or experience the pain and loss I’ve helped other women avoid.

I now believe that ANY woman can be more successful with men and dating, and I get emails every day with success stories from women. They’ve taken what they’ve learned and found great guys and are growing meaningful relationships.

I know, I know… a book that can teach a regular girl how to be more successful in the dating world?

No way.

Well believe me, this will DRAMATICALLY increase your success, comfort and happiness when it comes to men, dating and relationships… I absolutely guarantee it 100%.

If you’d like to take your success with men and dating to the next level, and find how to create the foundation for the relationship that you’ve always wanted, then go here: