such things that never was

Oh, wow...

2008-06-04T23:10:00.000-07:00

From an anonymous reader (they used one of those anonymous remailers):

i used to work for a company that specialized in entertainment products that involved involved happy, consenting adults. may seem kind of crazy, but it holds not a candle to what i am abou to tell

one day, one of our actresses asks if she could pitch an idea she had, we in the brass agree to her case. we think this would be a routine film concept, it definitely was not that.

she starts off by holding up a posterboard that says "untitled (actress's name) project" on the front and "description: 'charlie rose' with sex on the back. she then spoke and bluntly said "my proposal is a television series where two or more folks are engaged in sexual intercourse, but they are also engaging in intelligent societal discourse. there would be one interviewer and at least guest 'engaging' in multiple ways." we are all in utter, utter, utter shock and strongly feel that we are no longer in reality.

then, she says "i will demonstrate. does anyone want to role-play? i will be bolivian president evo morales, you can be the interviewer and someone else be the translator, this show will be open to threeways when requisite." she then begins stripping down until there is nothing on her body. then, she passes out as one of my colleagues begins to approach her. crazy, crazy day that ultimately led to an epiphany.

Apparently, this tale is not too public.

2008-03-17T15:41:00.000-07:00

Starcraft was originally going to be a Star Wars title, but the Lucas camp rejected the idea. So the Blizz just had to ~~rip off~~ draw inspiration from some other source.

Thankfully never made it to the air.

2008-02-04T17:14:00.000-08:00

America's Home Music Videos
Bar Nun follows a nun/bartender
Be Dental with Me comedy about a dental office
Blue Collar, New Collar
Blade Runner pilot treatment titled "Do you dream of unicorns too?" by E. Joseph Delaney...intended to be syndicated series that follows a Blade Runner as he attempts to catch replicants
Carrot Top in the Funderland Factory
Chad Winger: Canadian Pop Star
Craigslist Chronicles
E-Spies
Eco Force One/The Environs
ERDU : Epidemic Diseases Response Unit
Ghost Cop he's a cop...who's also a ghost
Hippieman not a superhero show, rather a sitcom
Ion Man
Joe Hollywood, P.D.
Johnny Appleseed follows Johnny's adventures to spread the apple

King's Quest

2008-01-22T21:25:00.000-08:00

In early 2002, it was announced that the three most prominent adventure franchises in Sierra On-Line's portfolio (King's Quest, Space Quest, and Leisure Suit Larry) would receive new versions that were adapted to the gameplay styles that interested the common gamer, or re-inventions. Like Escape Factory's Space Quest update, King's Quest would have been a cartoon-style action title with very little semblance to the previous titles in the series. Unlike SQ and LSL, KQ thankfully never made it past prototype.

Watch out, HBO!

2008-01-02T17:56:00.000-08:00

From an emailer:

A few years ago, a brilliant man at innovative company came up with a concept for a brilliant premium channel that would air nothing but the exhilarating bonus features found on DVDs, such as fascinating behind-the-scenes featurettes, and instead of boring commercials there would be enthralling deleted scenes.

Freefall/Gemini

2007-12-28T13:06:00.000-08:00

It was 2002, Ironworks Studio was in the midst of developing Crimson Skies: High Road to Revenge (which would be the only product to make to stores that the team developed), a concept for a game called Freefall came about. Freefall is aptly described as a "science fiction skydiving game," it takes place in the 22nd century on a twenty-or-so mile high tower (named "Freefall tower") supported by cables of a space elevator. The game started as you jumped off a building at the top in the tower (which was a sky-city named "Freefall City") and you spent the rest of the game on a journey free-falling to the ground in complex, varying environments (such as New Yosemite Park) while eluding obstacles (such as the police). The environments got progressively more challenging and at the very last level ("Base City"), the player is expected to be able to maneuver through the traffic, tightly-packed buildings, and narrow shafts of a dense urban environment without error. Unfortunately, the game never made it past a tech demo.

Following this, Ironworks Studio began work on a similar title named Gemini. Instead of falling through a massive tower as one did in Freefall, Gemini was a "science fiction first person shooter" (although it was originally an TPS) detailing a climb up a tower 65,000 miles or so in length. Award-winning science fiction writer Greg Bear was brought as a story consultant and the co-op FPS in which you played as twin sisters combatting robots, evil corporations, and corrupt clergy turned into a FPS where the two protagonists were the same character, one from 2100 and the other from 2150 with a "major intrapersonal conflict." The studio manager left and the team at Ironworks Studio was shoved under the the umbrella of FASA Studio, although maintaining independence until they were handed the pink slips after after the release of Crimson Skies.

Following the release of Crimson Skies, the CS team briefly worked on a next-gen version of the title that would have included far more than just flying (like Airtight Games' Dark Void except in the CS canon) before they were laid off.

Miscelleany

2007-12-26T23:21:00.000-08:00

Boom TV, puzzle game (PS2, Picturehouse/SCEE)

Death Jr. prototype (XBOX, Backbone Entertainment)

The Thing II (PC/PS2/XBOX, Computer Artworks/VU Games)

System Shock 3

2007-11-24T09:58:00.000-08:00

The year was 1999 and there was a some sequel that Irrational really wanted EA to greenlight. Unfortunately, EA never cared for any of the company's many proposals (or the logo seen below). However, the never-made game's influence was not short-lived.

From NFL GameDay 2005 to Road to Sunday

2007-11-18T19:27:00.000-08:00

Sales of NFL GameDay 2004 (and NBA ShootOut 2004) were very, very low, but 989 Sports marched on with development of the 2005 versions. Well until a game called NBA Ballers came along and sold more copies than those two games combined, plans for the 2005 incarnations of the two series were scrapped (except for PSP launch title NBA and a PSone version of Gameday 2005). Red Zone was told to apply the NBA Ballers style to those licenses (NBA '06: Featuring The Life Vol. 1, anyone?), a story-based football franchise with light RPG elements called NFL Icon came about.

In said game, you are a rookie QB going from nothing to NFL Icon (as well as helping your team win the Super Bowl and going to the Pro Bowl) in a single season. There's training mini-games, objectives and virtual acquisition of virtual items with no virtual usage other than the virtually look good using virtual monies.

However, the rug was pulled from under Red Zone (which would shortly become SCE Studios San Diego) in December, when EA struck a deal with the NFL for exclusive rights starting with the 2005 season, which is when Sony planned to launch NFL Icon for the PS2 and PSP. Sony had to think fast, find a way to make the resources and money sunk NFL Icon not a complete waste. A new franchise called Road to Sunday featuring a mature storyline, fighting, and gambling somehow came about; that fall, PS2 and PSP owners would be flocking to pick up Road to Sunday: The L.A. Show (later to shortened Road to Sunday) and Road to Sunday: The Offseason (later renamed Road to Sunday: Torque Tight), respectively.

Road to Sunday was the football/fighting cross where a football owner, his partner, and his team have to the owner's father's debt to a Jamaican kingpin, and that debt is now his because the father was killed in a mysterious explosion. You brawled in the Santa Monica Pier, Griffith Observatory, a game show set, tunnels under the White House, outside the Mann’s Grauman Chinese Theatre, Sepulveda Dam, the Alamo, Los Angeles River, The Encounter Restaurant, subway tunnels, yacht floors, and a surf shop.

Road to Sunday: Torque Tight, the portable counterpart, dropped the football part in favor of a full-fledged fighting game with minigames (a few card games and a few rhythm games and some other ones that were never conceived). In the Story Mode, you played as Gerald, a running back who is the Detroit Torque's new acquisition, who uncovers a conspiracy involving the Aaron Wolfe, general manager of the Torque (runs on behalf of the owner Torque Tight Beats), and a drug company that produces experimental performance-enhancing supplements. An arcade mode for instant fights and minigame play, both of which support ad-hoc multiplayer.

The game was months behind schedule and by July, Sony realized that they couldn't have their revolutionary football titles completed before the NFL season ended in February and canceled the games, citing "quality control issues." I have not had interest in a football game since.

Jet Moto:SOLAR

2007-11-18T12:07:00.000-08:00

For a series that never had anything resembling a storyline, let alone truly discernible characters, Jet Moto:SOLAR did well with both of those.

It was five hundred years or so after the PSone Jet Moto titles. Earth, lead by the U.S, brought Manifest Destiny to the solar system. As Earth's colonies grew extremely prosperous, quality of life on Earth sunk dramatically and the planet was thrown into chaos, the few governments that survived countless waves of terrorism had been forced to take drastic turns to tyranny and the ones that did not had handed over control to religions and corporations (who merge together somewhere down the line). In the course of two hundred fifty years, the space colonies had developed strong roots, history, culture, and, most importantly, strong feelings of succession. To combat the growing movement for succession in the colonies, Earth sent troops to the Moon to establish a more authoritarian rule in the first battle in the War on Succession. The second front of said war, Mars, was an absolute failure, as the Martians were highly experienced in space combat and had an indomitable spirit. Martian forces drove Earthlings back to Earth and continued the war there until a stalemate was reached and the colonies declared de facto independence. The colonies and Earth attempted to mend relationships following this, but this was not very successful. But during this time, the youth of solar system discovered a popular sport of the past, Jet Moto, and did manage to blunt post-war tensions to a considerable extent. In the former colonies, Jet Moto became huge and new tracks were built, leagues formed, and championships scheduled. Except on Earth, where Jet Moto is considered "improper conduct and unproductive," forcing the sport to take more clandestine forms on the planet.

The Motos are now far more advanced and known as GRVs (Gravity Resistant Vehicles) and are completely customizable. You could tweak your GRV for stunting, more speed, better turning, or a combination and modify it with various gizmos. The grapple returned as well, two different versions, chain and attractor, used to keep at a distance or pull towards, respectively. The player also had to ensure that their GRV did not overheat (turbo could be utilized if such happened), using the track's chill-outs (little pad things that cooled the GRV). Stunting also returned.

The game featured sixteen playable characters, each had their own story that unfolded through the six cutscenes unlocked as the player moved through Season Mode (the game's primary mode). In Season Mode, you raced through eleven courses and five circuits (Earth, Moon, Mars, Asteroids, Ganymede) and acquired sponsorships. One had to race to countless hazards on the courses like falling, collapsing, moving or rolling boulders, rocks, debris, columns, arches, ramps, avalanches, etc. Along with this there was the typical single event and quick plays and an online mode may have been implemented later in development.

Jet Moto:SOLAR was easily the most ambitious title of the series and the best, despite only being in the early stages of development. Sadly, the PS2's best futuristic racing game was canceled during those early stages of development.

Also canceled was Jet Moto 2124 (aka Jet Moto 4) for the PlayStation, kinda like Jet Moto:SOLAR albeit less impressive.

Project Enwor

2007-11-10T22:22:00.000-08:00

Small spiders, medium spiders, giant spiders, small flying things, huge giant things, monsters, aliens all in the same battle, yeah it is pretty much more epic than Halo 3 could ever aspire to be, your average third-person shooter/RPG with a deep online experience.

Dirty Work/Campus

2007-11-07T21:03:00.000-08:00

Two years of work had been poured into Dirty Work, Ubisoft's "GTA-killer" (in development at their Montreal studio) that was no so much a GTA killer as it was a GTA clone, nothing more than another free-roaming crime title. It was about as unique as Ubisoft's 2006 masterpiece 187: Ride or Die.

Also free-roaming and being in development for two years at Ubisoft Montreal is Campus was kind of like a cross between Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude and Bully. The game was a not so funny, not so charming free-roaming title with a humor style that was National Lampoon meets Jackass where you had sex with women, pulled pranks on nerds, et cetera as a Van Wilderesque character.

American McGee's Oz

2007-10-31T20:42:00.000-07:00

The team at Carbon6 working on the game was aiming to look like that amazing short film ("The Wolfman" by Tim Hope, which inspired an European marketing campaign for the PS2 back in '01), in terms of the cardboard cut-out graphics, with this ambitious title, but did not achieve anything resembling that outside of the cutscenes, the game looked kind of like the visual mess that was Bad Day L.A., but a bit nicer-looking. The key feature that distinguished the gameplay from other action-adventure titles was the ability to use any environmental object as part of a spell. The story, if I remember correctly, was a prequel to the novels in the Oz canon that followed a boy on his quest to become a wizard. It was presented in the twisted, dark style that was seen with Alice, but not graphic or macabre as Alice was and would have landed a T rating had the game seen release.

Unfortunately, I never got a chance to see the game in action and this information is from a conversation that I remembered upon viewing that Wolfman short once again today, so if anyone has further information or media, please shoot a message.

Project H.A.M.M.E.R.

2007-10-28T17:06:00.000-07:00

Ah, Project H.A.M.M.E.R. (originally known by the name Machinex), Nintendo Software Technology's button-masher where you were a half-man, half-cyborg who had to stop evil robots from destroying America with a huge hammer. It was a typical sandbox action title with minor RPG elements that took place over the course of a week or so where the player was free to roam the city of New Chicago when not partaking in a mission and where you upgraded the stuff that you could do with your hammer and gained new abilities as you smashed. Like with every sandbox title, there was side activity mini-games, but those never were implemented. The game was smashed late last year/early this year because of quality issues.

UPDATE: You can find a bunch of screens from this game (taken from someone's website) over in a NeoGAF thread.

Dante

2007-10-28T15:15:00.000-07:00

Before the system's announcement, Microsoft had a mandate for the game studios it owned to come up with ideas, ideas that have never been realized before in games. ACeS' Dante was one of the lucky few that made it to prototype phase, the screens below are from a marketing video created to display what the game's style. The game would have put you in the place of firefighter Jeremiah Dante, as he was followed around by the "911 HoverCam" that filmed his adventures for a live TV show, as he fought fires using his futuristic, high-tech equipment like the cannon on his arm that used a combination of lasers (yes, lasers) and water to fight fires, this was supplied by that backpack you see on his arm. Apparently, the left stick controlled Dante, while the right stick would have controlled the direction of where the water/laser ended up. And the game's logo feature the name of the game in smoke. Fortunately for us, this game was canceled before an actual working prototype was ready

Freelancer 2

2007-10-23T18:45:00.000-07:00

At the time of Digital Anvil's closing, the company was working on two Xbox 360 titles, one of which was dubbed with the codename Project Lonestar (the other, Project Enwor, I'll go into at length at a later date) but also known by the name of Freelancer 2. I have not played much of the original, so forgive me that I cannot compare the sequel to the original. The player would have again been in the shoes of Edison Trent as he attempted to find out the truth about the mystery of the space station disaster that Trent survived whilst alluding some shadowy groups. Anyways, this game (along with the other game that Digital Anvil was working on) had they seen release, in my opinion, would have been the best first-party Xbox 360 titles thus far and this one reminded me of Crimson Skies: High Road to Revenge, which was one of my favorite Xbox games. A shame this one will not see the light of day.

Joust

2007-10-19T17:44:00.000-07:00

In the early 2000s, Midway was working on reviving every single classic arcade game the company made in the 80s (NARC, Gauntlet, Spy Hunter, Defender, and possibly one or two more) into a slightly-to-vastly inferior three-dimensional versions. Thankfully, Joust was not amongst them, the planned update slated for release in 2002 for PS2, Xbox, and GameCube played much more like a not-very-good version of Mortal Kombat on flying ostriches than like the original Joust.

45 canceled games you never knew existed unless you worked on them

2007-10-16T18:02:00.001-07:00

Aggressive Inline 2 (PS2/GC/XBOX, Z-Axis/Acclaim)
A.I. Chaser [combat racing game based off the film] (XBOX, developer unknown/Microsoft)
A.I. Gladiator (XBOX, Radical Entertainment/Microsoft)
A.I. Guardian [fighting game based off the film] (XBOX, ACES Studio/Microsoft)
Alone in the Dark: The Abductions (PS2, Computer Artworks/Atari)
Amped 4 (XBOX 360/PS3, Indie Built/2K Sports)
Area 51: Resurrection (PS2, Midway Studios Austin/Midway)
Army Men: Air Cavalry (PS2/GC/XBOX, Check Six Studios/3DO)
Beetle Adventure Racing 2 (N64, Paradigm/Electronic Arts)
Black Lotus [GTA in China] (XBOX 360/PS3, Treyarch/Activision)
Blood Wake 2 (XBOX, Stormfront Studios/Microsoft)
Boom TV [puzzle game] (PS2, Picturehouse/SCEE)
Brute Force 2 (XBOX, Digital Anvil/Microsoft)
The Crocodile Hunter (PS2/GC, EA Australia/EA Games)
Damage Inc. [Metallica car combat title] (PC/PS2/GC/XBOX, Climax/VU Games)*
Dante [firefighting simulation] (XBOX, ACeS Studio/Microsoft)
Deus Ex 3 (PS2/XBOX/PC, Ion Storm/Eidos) Eidos announced back in May that their Montreal studio will be making a new Deus Ex 3 different from the one canceled. Also, this title was not Deus Ex: Clan Wars.
Dinosaur Zoo (PS2, Dogfish/SCEE)
Dirty Work [sandbox-style game] (PS2/XBOX, Ubisoft)
Fight For Your Right [party game] (PS2/GC/XBOX, Z-Axis/Activision)
Freefall [sci-fi extreme skydiving game] (XBOX, ironWorks/Microsoft)
Freelancer 2 (XBOX 360, Digital Anvil/Microsoft)
The Getaway Online [eventually became Home] (PS2, Studio London/SCEE)
Ghost World [spooky-themed action-platformer] (PS2, Luxoflux/Activision)
Hip-Hop DJ (PS2/XBOX, Harmonix/RedOctane)
Jet Li: Rise to Honor 2 (PSP, SCEA)
Jonny Moseley's Mad Trix 2 (PS2/GC, 3DO)
Joust (PS2/GC/XBOX, Midway Games West/Midway)
Lemmings Forever (PS2, Picturehouse/SCEE)
LiveUniverse [Microsoft's equivalent of Sony's Home] (XBOX, Microsoft)
Oni 2 (PS2, Angel Studios/Rockstar Games)
People (Wii/DS, Ubisoft Montreal/Ubisoft)
Primal 2 (PS2, SCE Studios Cambridge/SCEE)
Rapid [SSX with a surfboard and a river canyon] (PS2, EA Australia/EA Sports BIG)
The Retriever [third-person action game] (PSP, SCEA)
Revolution [open-world title] (XBOX 360/PS3, Concrete Games/THQ)
Road Rash (XBOX 360/PS3, EA UK/EA Games)
Sorcery [fighting game akin to Everquest] (PS, SISA/SCEA)
SSX 5 (XBOX 360/PS3, EA Montreal/EA Sports BIG)
Stomped Wakeboarding (XBOX, Indie Built/Microsoft)
Stuntman: Demolition (Wii, Locomotive Games/THQ)
Tao Fang 2 (XBOX, Studio Gigante/Microsoft)
The Thing II (PC/PS2/XBOX, Computer Artworks/VU Games)
TideJackers (PC/PS2/XBOX, Computer Artworks/SCi)
Ultimate Spider-Man 2 (PS2/XBOX, Treyarch/Activision│DS/PSP, Vicarious Visions/Activision)
Unsung Heroes (PS2, SCE San Diego/SCEA)
*-okay, you may have heard of the game, but I bet you did not know the title or developer

UPDATE #1: Multiple A.I. titles being in production would explain a number of things.

UPDATE #2: There was only one A.I. title planned a launch title, A.I. Guardian (the combat arena game), the other games were to be released over the next couple of years.

Links 2007

2007-10-02T04:48:00.000-07:00

Links, the golf franchise by Indie Built was going to make its way to next-gen consoles in late 2006 had the studio not closed down. The game shared both the visual style and the absurd, irreverent humor of its snowboarding cousin Amped 3. And unlike Outlaw Golf, it actually worked here. The game would have featured many, many absurd animations such one for a "Hole in One" in which your caddy would re-enact the chair scene from Flashdance, except with golf balls instead of water and one of those golf club bags instead of the chair. However, for those golf purists, the game also featured a realistic mode in addition to the arcade one.

UPDATE: A picture depicting that Flashdance thing could be found above.

10 films that never were that you probably never knew of (until now), but should.

2007-10-02T04:47:00.000-07:00

I'd love to be able to develop full posts about any of these films, so if you have any information about them and/or resources relating to them, drop me a line at the email address on the right side of this blog.

American Gladiators: The Movie: The year is 1993 and Samuel Goldwyn Entertainment with the help of screenwriter Dan Gordon (who wrote both The Hurricane and Surf Ninjas) is looking to bring the popular television competition to the big screen as a good versus evil story. We sadly never will know Zap whether could defeat agile ninjas on The Wall.

Secret Smile: In this film penned by acclaimed musician Steven Seagal, Seagal was going also to "portray a government agent who takes smart-drugs to track down a brilliant criminal" with Oscar-winning cinematographer Dean Semler at the director's chair. Unfortunately this did not happen when Steven Seagal decided do some movie that I did not see. But Semler and Seagal did collaborate on some film called The Patriot, that I did also not see.

Wild Life: This film was to be the Walt Disney first internally-done (from the now-defunct Secret Lab) animated film for an adult audience, in which a bunch of simpering Warholian freaks turn an elephant a big star. Disney apparently spent more than six months and $20 million on this project in a somewhat frantic quest to figure out something for the Secret Lab to do after the studio's first project Dinosaur did not meet expectations and the plan for Disney to have a rival to The Land of Before Time series did not happen. Amongst those who heard of the film, many believe the demise could be accredited to politically-correct Disney executive Roy Disney being infuriated about a manhole joke made by one gay man to another; however, my sources deny this, saying that the film was scrapped the company did not think that they could ever get their deep investment from an adult film about a selfish diva.

I'll flesh out this list to ten as time goes on (or: over the next week).

Cool Boarders: Sold Out

2007-09-23T12:13:00.000-07:00

Idol Minds intended to follow Cool Boarders 2001 with this PS2 title slated for 2003 release where you are a pro trying to get endorsements and do commercials. In the game, you would pull off tricks for these commercials (this is where the 'Sold Out' comes from). Internal issues are cited as the reason for why we will never Stalefish our way to the mountain's top attention whore. Following this, the company worked on a demo for Teed Off, "a combat golf game," which sadly will not see release (I can only imagine what it would have been like from an awesome description like that).

About this blog.

2007-09-03T13:32:00.001-07:00

Welcome to such things that never was, a blog profiling films, games, TV shows, books and other types of media that never saw the light of day. I intend to focus on stories not previously heard and/or wallowing in obscurity, the titles that don't appear on every feature of unreleased/unmade film/games yet still managed to get the major companies attached to them. This also includes: obscure director's cuts that are vastly different then what made it to theaters, previously unseen materials from aborted attempts of films that are languishing or languished in development hell (anyone have the pre-viz for McG and J.J. Abrams' Superman I?), versions of games that are far different than what was published; simply put, things that we have not seen a million times before.