I typed, “Let’s grab pizza,” as chill as can be,
But my phone had a plan to embarrass me.
It swapped “pizza” for “plasma” without my consent,
Now my friend thinks I moonlight as a mad scientist.

I said, “Meet me at noon,” but my phone thought I lied,
And changed it to “soon” — now they’re waiting outside.
Then I wrote, “On my way!” but it went off-track,
Sending, “I’m a stray” — what kind of attack?!

I texted my boss, “Can’t come, I’m feeling ill,”
But autocorrect had its own kind of thrill.
It wrote, “Can’t come, I’m stealing a grill,”
Now HR’s involved and the vibe’s all uphill.

My mom got a message I meant to be sweet:
“Love you so much, can’t wait for the treat!”
But the phone decided to twist the whole tone,
It sent, “Love you too, can’t wait to retreat.”

The worst was the group chat for PTA night,
Where I tried to write something respectful and polite.
“I’ll bring a casserole,” was my original goal,
But it came out as “I’ll bring chaos to this hole.”

Smartphones are genius, but here’s the surprise:
They love turning texts into absolute lies.
From flirting to work, it’s a minefield, unchecked,
Forever at war with damn autocorrect.

So if you see my messages and think, “What a loon,”
Just know it’s my phone causing all this cartoon.
One day I’ll escape this typosphere vortex,
But until then, consider all texts a reflex.

Working from home or office scenes,
Life’s a circus behind the screens.
One day in slippers, the next in a suit,
Late to both—can’t hit reboot!
So here’s a poem that’s kind of lame,
But laugh along; we’re all to blame.

The Office Strife

In cubicle farms, we till away,
Harvesting emails every day.
Coffee cups stack to the moon,
Boss says, “Deadline’s coming soon!”

Chatting with coworkers ’bout the news,
Ignoring the pile of undone reviews.
Water cooler gossip hits the fan,
“Did you hear about Karen’s flan?”

Home Not-So-Sweet Home

At home, I’m the king of slack,
Wearing PJs, eating snacks.
My pet goldfish offers a glance,
Better company than office plants.

No dress code here, not a chance,
Forgot I’m on a video conference.
Mic unmuted, I start to sing,
Now everyone knows I can’t do a thing!

A Hilarious Blend

So here we juggle, drop the ball,
Work-life balance? Not at all!
Typing with a cat sleeping on my head,
Or napping through meetings, enough said.

Chaos reigns in both domains,
But who’s to say we’re not all sane?
Embrace the mess, enjoy the ride,
At least we’ve got memes on our side!

College students, they love their beer,
It’s so cold and oh so clear,
It helps them relax and have a great time,
A chance to shake off their daily grind.

Friends gather ’round to have a laugh,
Some of the best times have been on the half,
From PBR to the craftier brews,
It’s a chance to make some college memories too.

It’s always a blast to drink with the crew,
It’s a chance to let loose, no one to say boo,
The freedom to be and let go of your fears,
It’s why college students love their beers.

So if you’re feeling like you need a break,
Grab a beer, it’s just what you need to take,
Let the stress of college life melt away,
And enjoy a beer with your friends today.

Building a startup is lots of fun

because everyone thinks a business he can run

but it turns out that a startup is like a roller coaster ride

sometimes you’re on top of the world and others, you want to curl up and hide

get yourself into the fetal position

to be in your mommy’s arms is what you are wishin

and then the next day, you’re back on top

you are plugging away and just can’t be stopped.

you can age a couple decades in just a few years

just trying to get over all of your fears

put them aside and wonder how you will survive

to make enough bread to just stay alive

at the end of the day, it all works out

and sure beats the average 9-5 route.

Hey, I’ve never posted a video here, and this is crazy, but here is a crazy bitch video, so watch it maybe.

If you enjoyed this let me know in the comments and maybe i’ll start posting some more.

Of 350 million facebook users, I have just 11 fans
But to gain a couple more i’ve got a lot of plans
Maybe I should write more to gain a bunch of hits
But that won’t work really well since my poems are the pits
Maybe I should trick people with some deceiving ad
But the little guy on my shoulder says that idea’s pretty bad
Maybe I should threaten some people to sign on
Or pull one of them famous internet marketing cons
I could gain thousands of followers in just a few days
I’ll be on top of the world with that little craze
Or is that just on twitter that the follower scam works
I hear it’s just a bunch of bots and they are worthless perks
So now I’m back at square one just wondering what to do.
If you have any ideas, send them and i’ll give the credit to you!

I want to begin by saying i’m a big fan

of Apple because making great products they can

but I have a theory which ticks me off to no end

they keep discovering new technology they pretend

I dont believe it well, not completely

They created a bunch of advances and hid it discreetly

do you think they just happen to find a way

to double the memory on their products every other day?

they release their advances over time

to force their fans to spend their every last dime.

once you buy an iphone, it becomes obsolete

but the newer version will make your life complete

it’s faster and smarter and has more room for apps

and once it comes out, your current phone isn’t worth scraps

most companies work on technology and then work to improve

but if your look at apple, they’ve got too much of a groove

every 6 months with a major upgrade

blowing away investors forcasts, their not afraid

i think Apple creates their technology years in advance

and then works backwards to dumb it down at every chance

if that’s true, the iphone could be a decade or two old

it might have been in Job’s back pocket in 1984 as the Macintosh he did unfold.

Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours ago

I was constipated

Nothing to do, nowhere to go

I was constipated

Just get me to the bathroom and put me on the throne

Hurry hurry hurry before I let it go

I can’t control my bowels I can’t control my flow

Oh no oh ho

Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours ago

I was constipated

Nothing to do, nowhere to go

I was constipated

Just put me in a wheelchair

And get me to the throne

Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco

I can’t control my bowels

I can’t control my flow

Oh no oh ho

some top celebrity acrtress poses for pictures down the walk

and every reporter watching wants to have her for a talk

sometimes she acts politely and tells them all the news

and sometimes even unwillingly, she exposes one of her boobs

she promises it was unintentional and didn’t mean for it to happen

then why aren’t you covering up, you have a shirt to wrap in.

it’s never happened before, i usually use a clip

but nobody ever forgets the common nipple slip.

We all know many dinosaurs from Barney and Denver to Dino

Palaeontologists even found the Futalognkosaurus Dukei which is thought to be Latino

Some dinosaurs sing, some dinosaurs dance and some compete with the prehistoric cat (Flinstones)

but what we want to see is a dinosaur in a birthday hat.

I can just imagine in prehistoric times

all the dinosaurs celebrating birthdays with ice cream and pies

the carnivorous ones would still each each other

and the herbivores would just cuddle up with their brother

I got the picture in my head, it’s as clear as that

But I just can’t get the image out of my head of a dinosaur in a birthday hat

We don’t have to worry about that stuff or the missing link

Those guys are goners, they’re all bloody extinct.

Fixing a PC computer is actually quite complex

you have to do about a 101 different checks

it starts with checking tasks and seeing what’s running

and see what process your computer is shunning

then ending the process and see if it works

and then move on to find the other quirks

check your system and your firewall

then start a scan to send out a call

scan for viruses and spyware too

delete all of your downloads from the queue

uninstall programs that don’t seem to run

after all that you would think that you’d be done

repeat the processes above and see if it changes

click on the process column before it rearranges

if all else fails, here’s what to do

shut down the computer and start the session anew

that should work but if not

call tech support for help and then wait a lot

until some one picks up and tells you to do everything you already tried

when they finally tell you, your computer has died

but they have a special on computers this week

and you can own a new piece of junk courtesy of the squad of geeks

then you can buy a warranty that will cover any issue

but their warranty is what i use for bathroom tissue

with the warranty, they take your computer for several weeks

then give it back and tell you they completed some tweaks

but you notice that nothing has changed and it still has the trouble

now you’re left without a computer and your ticked off double

My suggestion to you is to take your computer back

then splurge a little and buy yourself a Mac

I remember my prom like it happened today

i went in style, i wouldn’t have it any other way

i got a stretched limo and a corsage for the girl

before going in, we took the limo for a whirl

I dressed in the fanciest Tux

It only cost me a couple hundred bucks

we danced, talked, laughed and spiked the punch

I had all my friends there and liked it a bunch

I was elected as king of the dance

it might have been because I looked so good in my flashy pants

oh wait, that wasn’t me

that was every prom movie i ever did see

I didn’t go to a prom and didn’t have that fun

but prom isn’t even that good anyway, right everyone?

Your limo is late and not as fancy as the ad

your corsage is half dead but that’s not even what’s so bad

you don’t have a date and you’re glued to the wall

when you finally get a dance, you happen to fall

the punch is really spike but you didn’t know

you get tipsy and let your ugly side show

You don’t win for king of the dance,

you want to be happy but just can’t

you rented a hotel room just in case

but at the end of the night, you don’t want to show your face

Just be happy prom is a one time thing

and you don’t have to deal with all this again until you pop the ring

then you are in luck

i just launched a shop

to buy a tux, its the top

you can get jackets, pants, shirts and a vest

but it’s the prices that you will like best.

This is just a cheesy ad for the new site

i’m hoping this poem will get me a few bites.

so if you need something nice to wear to your prom

save some effort and shop at www.tuxedocanada.com.

*note: to make up for this ad, i’ll try and post some sucky poems about prom.

i’ve been thinking of some really sucky poems to post

but people wonder if they are inspired by my life the most

Then I have to think twice about writing tons of stuff

like mommy and daddy not loving me enough

or the years i spent locked in a cellar

and how about the beatings, they were really stellar

I’m not sure where to draw the line with drugs

and I don’t want to write too much about hugs

so really i’m left with almost nothing to write

and my grey area is really tight

I really post based on my inspiration

but not on my life, based on the rest of the nation

in the news, in what i read

in blogs, movies and tv

the love, the hate, the stuff in between

from the octogenarian and even the teens

so i’m deciding right now that anything goes

and now you can watch this blog and see how it grows.

It wasn’t because of my lie

that she left me for another guy

it wasn’t because of my smell

that made her wish me to hell

it wasn’t because of my attitude

even though she said i was pretty rude

it wasn’t even my hygene

when I was filthy and she was clean

I’m really not sure why we ended up like this

but it might be that i would rather get hit by a car that give her a kiss

I want a job and i want to work

i want a paycheck and i want the perks

i want a nice office and a cushy chair

i want to give orders and decide what’s best

I want to do research, development and test

I want bonuses and lots of vacation

I want to have fun at my occupation

I want fun coworkers who laugh throughout the day

I want this job and will have it no other way

what? what’s that you say?

you say i’m dreaming my life away?

I don’t think so and i’ll have you know

your just jealous, you lousy foe

I’ll get the job and prove this chat.

In the meanwhile, do you want fries with that?

have a little shot,have another shot
have a little shot,have another shot
have a little shot,have another shot
have another shot

And then you throw up

throw up in the club, I just blew chuncks
people all stare at me
i took another sip, then i took a slip
cause the ground was covered like a sea

I drink too much, dont know when to stop
i’m always the center of attention
just drink my tears, drink away my fears
ya can’t go and blame me

cause if you like to drink, you better limit it
if you like to drink, you better limit it
dont want to swallow your drink and revisit it.
if you like to drink, you better limit it

oh, oh, oh

if you like to drink, you better limit it
if you like to drink, you better limit it
dont want to swallow your drink and revisit it.
if you like to drink, you better limit it

I got a beer in each fist, a shot to my lips
been drinking since a quarter to three
causing a fight, i see the light
i can care less what you think

I need no permission, did i mention
i’m always the center of attention
You can have a turn, and now you’re gonna learn
how it feels for the room to spin

cause if you like to drink, you better limit it
if you like to drink, you better limit it
dont want to swallow your drink and revisit it.
if you like to drink, you better limit it

oh, oh, oh

if you like to drink, you better limit it
if you like to drink, you better limit it
dont want to swallow your drink and revisit it.
if you like to drink, you better limit it

oh, oh, oh

don’t tease me with the bottle up high
i’m not that kind of guy
the beer is what i prefer, what i deserve

Here’s a drink that he makes for me which takes me
and delivers me from soberville to ecstasy and beyond
let me fall to the floor, the position i adore
if you join, I wont be alone
If we drop, we’ll be gone

have a little shot,have another shot
have a little shot,have another shot
have a little shot,have another shot
have another shot

And then you throw up, oh, oh, oh

if you like to drink, you better limit it
if you like to drink, you better limit it
dont want to swallow your drink and revisit it.
if you like to drink, you better limit it

oh, oh, oh

if you like to drink, you better limit it
if you like to drink, you better limit it
dont want to swallow your drink and revisit it.
if you like to drink, you better limit it

oh, oh, oh

Dear Mr. So and So,

i’m writing this letter to let you know

that I have one little thing i need to ask

but writing this letter is quite the task

I have to break it up into paragraphs at best

write an intro, a conclusion and fill in the rest

because it would be rejected without proper form

for wasting a day writing this is quite the norm

It took so long to write the letter

and now we have email which is so much better

I can write things quickly without much thinking

and then send it off without ever blinking

I just have to keep certain accepted formalities

like starting off with “Hey”‘s and ending with “sincerely”‘s

I wonder how people ever got anything done

when they couldn’t send messages on the run.

But now people don’t have the patience to read or write an entire email

they skim through the first line and everything else is a “fail”

they send a one liner from their blackberry phone

with the “sent from my Blackberry” really important tone

Now ppl twt wht thy want 2 say 1 bite sized piece @ a time

writing more than a 140 is an impossible crime

the way thngs r going i wonder whts nxt

probably some other form of abbreviated txt

Survival of the fittest and natural selection

Did Darwin think it would take us in the right direction?

With the smartest reproducing and the dumb dying out

We’d be a civilization of geniuses without a doubt

But all of a sudden we discover accurate birth control

And with this little pill, Darwin’s theory has a hole

Now educated people can focus on their careers

While the dumb population sits around on their rears

Who’s going to spend the time reproducing?

I’ll tell you that it won’t be the people who’s resumes they are sprucing

So no genius advanced society with flying cars

We’re becoming a society obsessed with stars

Stars like Britney Spears who is reproducing pretty quick

And teaching our young how to dance and dress, which is sick

I hope we change, oh I really do

Because if we don’t Britney will run for president too.