I was dying to try a USB rechargeable vibrator. Since I agreed to dive into Nymphomaniac Ness’ orgasm diet plan, a USB rechargeable vibe seemed the most sensible toy for the task.  Plug it in, take it with me, get off instead of mindlessly snacking, charge it wherever I can find a USB port. Easy, right?  In theory, yes. In practice, no. Not with the Mia 2.

SheVibe was lovely enough to send me LELO’s Mia 2 USB rechargeable lipstick vibe. The Mia 2 boasts that it has more power than the first Mia, and that power increase gave me a lot of hope. If there’s one thing I need from my vibrators, it is power.

Unfortunately, that power increase didn’t mean much to me. While I’m sure it’s better than the first Mia was, it still wasn’t good enough.

When I initially turned the Mia on for the first time, it seemed like it was reasonably powerful. The charge time isn’t too bad. I’m pretty sure that the instructions told me to charge the Mia for the first time for 2 hours. You’re supposed to be able to get an hour and a half of vibration out of a fully-charged Mia.  The Mia 2 has 6 vibration patterns, which are inevitably wasted on a one-trick pony like me. I like it strong and consistent, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the fact that I have options. And like the Picobong Kiki (I never thought I would bring up anything good about the Picobong Kiki, and I certainly never expected to compare to to a full-blown LELO product), the Mia has one vibration pattern that’s very musical. That gimmick never gets old to me. I can spend a LOT of time listening to a vibrator. I could have my own show: The Vibe Whisperer.  Television producers, look no further, your ratings booster is here.

Anyway, straight out of the box with all the settings laid out before me, I was impressed. And then I tried it on my clit.

It’s not that the Mia doesn’t feel good. Of course it feels good! It just doesn’t feel THAT good.  I constantly use the Mia on full power and just don’t get very much out of it.

The first time I used the Mia, I watched porn for 25 or 30 minutes and I wasn’t sure I was ever going to get off.  I noticed the vibrations at first, but after a while I grew accustomed to how they felt and stopped getting any pleasure from the Mia at all.  I finally switched to some different porn, which helped, but on the whole that entire masturbation session (in which I only used the Mia) took me about 45 minutes.  And when it finally hit me, the orgasm didn’t leave me breathless – it just left me, period.

Now, I’m all for “self-loving” masturbation, but for me, there is a difference between jacking off and settling in for an extended masturbation session.  When I jack off, I don’t want to sit there for 30 minutes waiting for an orgasm to show up out of the blue.  Sometimes, especially when I’m feeling dysphoric, I want to get in, come once, and get out and be done with the whole affair.  I’m not going to reach for the Mia when I’m jerking it under those circumstances because it just takes too long.  But because I don’t find the Mia very stimulating, I’m probably not going to use it for extended periods of masturbation, either.  I’m going to reach for a stronger vibrator that feels more present than the Mia does.  If it can’t keep my attention, it doesn’t belong near my vagina.

I used the Mia for a week straight.  Toward the end of the week, I would give up after 20 minutes or so and pull out the big guns.  I’ve tried using both sides of the Mia on my clit and while the bottom definitely feels more stimulating than the lid (for obvious reasons), it just doesn’t do it for me.The most fun I had with the Mia 2 was with my partner.  He had me bent over on my knees, blindfolded, and used it on me.   Despite being enjoyable, it still didn’t bring me to orgasm.  If it takes being deprived of one of my senses for me to adequately enjoy the Mia, then we just aren’t meant to be together.

One thing I really like about the Mia is that it’s been relatively easy to clean.  Since it’s waterproof, I can just throw the whole shebang in the sink.  I was worried that the buttons would trap gunk and be difficult to clean, but that hasn’t been the case.  That’s not really enough to work the Mia into my regular sex toy rotation, though.  [Edit: Dangerous Lilly pointed out in the comments that her Mia 2 does trap gunk in the buttons.  I think mine probably didn't because it doesn't really do much for me.]

I have very specific needs, and apparently a lot of power is one of those needs.  The Hitachi isn’t the only vibrator that brings me to orgasm – it’s one of several vibrators that gets the job done better than the Mia ever could.  Maybe the Mia couldn’t provide me with enough power because it’s USB rechargeable.  Maybe the Mia’s stimulation style – pinpoint – isn’t what I need.  Plenty of people love the Mia 2, so this is clearly a matter of taste.  Whatever the reason, though, it just isn’t for me.  If you like pinpoint stimulation and don’t require T-rex strength vibrations, then the Mia 2 has a better chance of working for you than it did for me.

Thank you so much for sending me the Mia 2 to review, SheVibe!

The post The LELO Mia 2: Electric Boogaloo appeared first on Sugarcunt Writes.

Let me just give you a taste of what this sale includes:

The Pleasure Works Rippler

This is not your momma’s warm-up toy.  This was my gateway dildo – the one that dragged me, screaming, into the world of textured, girthy pleasure objects.  It’s the firmest dildo that I own, which means that in addition to being extra-fuckable, it’s also an excellent makeshift gavel when you need to call the court to order.

The Key Comet G-Spot Wand

I think that most quality-conscious bloggers were suspicious of Jopen at one point or another, but we’ve all discovered that Jopen has well and truly hit a home run with the Key Comet.  It’s completely orgasmic.  The silicone drags a little bit, which sounds disconcerting but feels TOTALLY AWESOME against your G-spot.  Get one.

The LELO Ella

Don’t scoff at the humble Ella.  It may be cheaper than my first two picks, but let me assure you that its affordability and quality make the Ella a great way to introduce your G-spot to the loving embrace of a dildo.  The material is a glorious satin-y feeling silicone wrapped over a relatively firm (but not totally inflexible) body.  Why would you buy a $15 jelly dong (ew) when you can get this for a mere $15 more?

I see I’ve enticed you.

GO FORTH and return with orgasms for the good of the order!

The post SheVibe Loves You and Wants You To Have Dildos appeared first on Sugarcunt Writes.

Jelly Gems vibe: Piece of shit or colossal piece of shit. You decide.

My first vibrator was from Spencer’s. For the love of god, don’t get your sex toys from Spencer’s.  Try Lovehoney or SheVibe, Babeland or Good Vibrations, Tickle or JT’S Stockroom.  Order straight from the manufacturers, like Tantus.  Just not Spencer’s.  I know that Spencer’s carries fine products such as Jelly Gems and the Vibrating Tongue Ring (not an actual piece of body jewelry), but try to contain yourself. They apparently also carry some LELO and We-Vibe products, but for some reason they’re only sold online, which is so strange when you consider that Spencer’s is totally the FIRST place people look for quality sex toys.

I can’t even find a picture of my first vibrator and I finally threw it out (it had been sitting in a bag, unused, for four years) at the beginning of May.  It was orange, made of some bastardized material that was part jelly, part rubber, and it made my crotch itch.  It also didn’t get me off.  Like… ever.  I was too busy scratching away while I used it.  Its vibrations were mediocre, the shape was unimpressive, and the texture didn’t matter because the vibe irritated my skin a lot.

Why do I bring up my first vibrator?  Because what your sex toys are made of is important.  Shitty, phthalate-loaded sex toys are BAD FOR YOU!   Phthalates have been linked to a variety of health effects.  Rodents who were dosed with phthalates showed signs of hormone changes and birth defects.  Phthalates have been linked to breast cancer and endocrine disruption.  Will using a phthalate-loaded sex toy give you cancer?  There’s no conclusive research on that.  But given all the terrible things that phthalates are linked to, do you really want them in your body?  Check out this article by Dangerous Lilly: Yes Jelly Sex Toys can be Dangerous.  The wrong kind of sex toy can do more than causing an itching sensation.  Some toys can cause a reaction similar to a mild chemical burn, can peel your hands, cause swelling, and one commenter on Lilly’s post said that when she went to her doctor with issues, his best guess was chemical poisoning of her vagina.

So you might see, then, why many bloggers who talk about sex toys and sexual health encourage you to avoid jelly, rubber, and PVC/vinyl and to buy silicone from trusted manufacturers (like my first love, Tantus) as often as possible.  We want what’s best for you!  We want you to be able to make informed purchases so that you don’t have to see a medical professional who will tell you that you have given yourself rotties by using a terrible sex toy.  ”But it was called Jelly Gems and Jelly Royales!  That insinuated that it was quality,” you protest.  Hush.  Don’t buy jelly sex toys, even if they allude to riches.

However, the novelty industry lacks regulation.  There is no FDA of pussy. Sex toy companies can stick a label saying “silicone” on pretty much anything.  Similarly, they can also label  a toy as being phthalate-free when it isn’t.¹  NO ONE IN POWER IS REGULATING THIS, FOLKS!  The only thing we can do is to try to be diligent.  Ask a reliable blogger (like me!) about sex toys… or better yet:

Ask Dildology.

Dildology is an unbiased, nonprofit organization created by X. Valentine Orenda, Crista Anne, and Dangerous Lilly.

Dildology aims to send sex toys to the lab for the materials to be extensively tested, and then they plan to maintain a public database of results.  Dildology will:

• accept monetary donations.
• accept product donations from third-party retail stores and wholesalers.
• purchase products from third-party retail stores.
• choose products to test based on community feedback.
• send products to accredited labs for testing.
• compare the material composition of products to the manufacturers’ claims.
• share the results of lab tests with manufacturers.
• record the results of the lab tests in our wiki.
• make our wiki available to the public.
• provide other educational resources to the public.

To read more about what Dildology’s intentions are and what they will and will not do, check out their mission statement on the main page.  To see a list of products that have been verified by Dildology, check out this link.

And most importantly: make a donation.

If you care about what goes into your body, Dildology is an investment in your health and happiness.

If you need further convincing, there are also incentives.  $15 will get you a one-time 15% off coupon code for US and Canadian orders at SheVibe.com.  $25 will get you the aforementioned coupon code and a Dildologist bumper sticker… which is just plain cool.  $50 will get you a T-shirt, the bumper sticker, and the discount.  Anyone who donates $100 or more between May 13th and May 31st will be provided with a one-on-one chat session with Lilly where she will work as your personal shopper to help you pick the best sex toy for your needs.   There are further incentives, and you can see them all on the donations page.  Dildology aims to raise $20,000 to purchase an initial 25 dildos to test, lab costs, testing equipment, and the merchandise needed to ensure that donors get their reward.

Dildology is finishing up their 501(c)(3), so your donation will be tax deductible!

While they will accept toy donations from third-party retailers and wholesalers, Dildology will not accept toy donations from manufacturers.  If you are a manufacturer and would like your product to be tested, you can donate the cost of the product, shipping, and testing and have the Dildologists test the product for you.

I promise you that your money will be well-spent if you send it to Dildology.  Seriously.  I, personally, promise that.  And they do too.

In honor of Dildology’s debut, I have donned my Amateur Dildologist hat (dear Dildology: merchandise idea!) and conducted a basic flame test of my silicone dildos.  I recorded it for you!  I’ve tested one silicone item I own from most of the manufacturers that I own products from.  Spoiler alert: They all passed with flying colors.

The dildos tested were:

1. The Tantus Echo
2. The Jollies Jollie
3. The LELO Ella
4. The Rippler
5. The Diving Nun
6. I forgot to record my Bad Dragon test, but the Xenogon passed.

So you’ve read this post, you’ve donated, and you’re psyched about Dildology… what can you do now?

You can share Dildology’s banner on your website!  If you donate, you can get a snazzy donor banner instead of the regular one.  (Shiny!)  You can also go check out the rest of the Dildology.org Blog Carnival Fundraiser!  I encourage you to read the posts that my fellow bloggers have come up with to promote Dildology!  They have a really noble goal, folks, so help us support them!

The post Dildology: Doing the dirty work so you don’t have to appeared first on Sugarcunt Writes.

6:00 A.M.  I wake in a cold sweat, haunted by cries of “beyBEEEE” and “CAWK”!  I may never sleep again.

6:20 A.M.  I sit down to write this review, weeping quietly to myself.

Where to begin?  I am hungry, yet nauseous.  Tired, but unable to return to bed.  Scarred, yet optimistic about making a full recovery once I stumble upon a shocking revelation during a therapy session that takes place many years from now: worse porn exists.  Not much, but some.  It has to… right?

The only was this porno could have hurt me more was if I had watched Ron Jeremy drill Farrah.

Let me make something clear to you: James Deen could not save this film.  He tried.  He offered instruction.  He drilled her ass.  But  his thinly-veiled attempts to hide his contempt combined with his unwilling chubby implied that no one, and I repeat, NO ONE, forgets their brain when they come to fuck The Deen.

Apparently the contract was that Deen and Farrah were supposed to act like a couple making a sex tape that is then leaked against their will.  Which would have been all convincing and well and good if she hadn’t been spotted waltzing out of Vivid with her young daughter and her dad.  And if she hadn’t fucked the notorious James Deen.  Oh.  And if SHE HADN’T NEGOTIATED WITH A BUNCH OF PORN COMPANIES.

Oh wait, I owe you an explanation.

You know that I have nothing against porn.  But Farrah Abraham does.

“This is not a porn tape. A porn tape is when you are a porn star and you wanna be naked and wanna wear crazy other stuff. And that’s what’s really hard for me to even deal with. I’m not ok with that and that’s not what this is.”

Apparently Farrah has forgotten the first ten minutes of the porno where she goes from wearing a dress with nothing under it to  being naked to wearing lingerie SPECIFICALLY for the purpose of taking it back off.  She has a bag of underwear that Deen drags up the steps for her to pick from.

So reading that quote, I hope that you understand what I have against Farrah’s raging ignorance and  her desire to call this a “sex tape” rather than a “porno.”  Her porno reportedly had a budget.  It is edited.  (Very obviously edited, and I’m pretty sure it had to be, since this woman couldn’t handle Deen’s penis at all.  Epiphora called it – “Is he getting softer?”)

Navigator pointed out that she did not have high hopes for this film.

“All I’m gonna say is I read Star Trek fanfic from 1989 this afternoon and I expect it to be hotter than this will be.”

We even played a game that The Redhead Bedhead concocted called “stuff that’s hotter than this.”  Here are the contenders:

“CIRCUMCISION!”

-Me

MOWING ONE’S LAWN (NOT EUPHEMISTIC)

-Epiphora

As we watched, I reminded my companions, “THIS WAS ABOUT EMBRACING HER SEXUALITY.”  The Redhead Bedhead retorted, “This was about rushing through stuff as quickly as possible because no one was into it…”

For starters, Farrah can’t undo buttons.  Make of that what you will.  Here’s a direct quote:

“These buttons are going to take me forever!”

“Do you know how buttons work?”

“I don’t, not today.  Forgot my brain when I came to hang out with you.”

That’s right.  She forgot her brain.

Deen actually gave her instructions during the blowjob… which would have been great except SHE DIDN’T FOLLOW THEM.  ”Give her a break,” I insisted, “She forgot her brain today.”  What does she do to make up for the fact that she can’t give a blowjob worth a damn?  She reaches for the lube and drizzles it all over his dick, then goes, “Look at that cock.  I wanna like, lick it more, but ew.”

Apparently the best thing you can do to get through this porno is devising complex games. When you watch this game, try playing a little game called “Where’s the cock?”  You close your eyes and have to guess where the cock is based on Farrah’s moans alone.  Wait… that’s probably going to be less complex than expected.  ”YOUR COCK IS IN MY ASS BEE-BEEEEEEE” peppers the entire sex scene with Deen.

Farrah clearly didn’t want to be sucking Deen’s dick.  She wanted it in her ass immediately.  Before warming up.  Because apparently that’s something that you do.  Deen insisted on warming her up with vaginal intercourse first.  She kept crying, “Harder, HARDER BEEBEE,” and Deen went harder and shook her like a rag doll and she was like, “I’M NUMB!”  And we were like, “Oh, THAT’S good for you.”  (Also, since she insisted on acting like a porn star, here’s a protip: “I’m numb,” really isn’t the sexiest thing to yell during intercourse if you’re not going to stop.)

If this is what it’s like to date Farrah Abraham, then she’s totally loathsome.  She baby talks through the entire thing.  (Because that just can’t be her regular voice.  If it is, END ME.)  She curls up in bed and announces, “I’m embarrassed.”  Don’t worry honey, I was embarrassed for you too.

It’s bad.  It’s 100% bad.  It’s terribad.  It’s terriawful.  It’s one of the biggest trainwrecks I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen the Saw XXX parody.  I don’t think I can properly convey just how bad this was, so I’ll end this review with some quotes and tweets.  The only way you can properly grasp this, though, is to experience it for yourself… but I don’t recommend it.

Quotes from the film:

Farrah: “Look at my ass, my ass is like OW.  My ass is in pain.”

Farrah: “I deserve this [shower], I’ve been like, way too sexual with you all day.”

Farrah: “There’s cum in my eyeball.”

James: “I would love to cuddle with you, but you just said you wanted to get fucked in the ass!”

James: “You’re not even wearing panties.”

Farrah: “I’m not?”

James: “Do you ever wear them?”

Farrah: “I’m wearing panties, you just can’t see them.”

Farrah: “This one day, I had the wettest pussy,  ’cause I get myself off.”

Farrah: “I THINK YOU’RE GOING TO POP MY VAGINA.”

Farrah: “This is my magic pussy wand.” [Note: it is not a Magic Wand of any sort, it's a glass dildo.]

James: “For your magic pussy?”

Farrah: “And this is magic,” *gestures to pussy.*

Farrah: “It hurts.”

James: “It hurts?”

Farrah: “Yeah, too deep.”

James: “THEN DON’T SHOVE IT IN THAT DEEP!”

James: “What do you like about cock?”

Farrah: “It cums.”

Farrah: “I think I can feel my magic stick through my ass.”

Farrah, talking about her ass: “Only that big giant D can go in there!”

Some choice tweets (with the #FarrahDeen hashtag removed) can be found below the cut.

“I’ve never seen James Deen so soft in my entire life.”

-Epiphora

“Spoiler alert: 28 minutes in Farrah announces, “I’m wet!” Yeah, that should happen sooner.”

-The Redhead Bedhead

“‘You can’t just shove a cock in your ass.’ Thank you James, for being the voice of reason.”

-Navigator

“Just let her fall off the bed, James.  Her brains are already scrambled.”

-Me

“I think I could successfully argue that abstinence-only education is responsible for this monstrosity.”

-The Redhead Bedhead

“‘YOU HAVE A HUGE FUCKING DICK.’ said like she just realized this.”

-Navigator

“‘Your cock is in my ass, beebee.’ Thank you for your help, Watson.”

-Me

“I’m calling it: she doesn’t know where her pussy is.”

-Epiphora

“I’m going to say it- a world where I can’t figure out squirting but Teen Mom squirts with James Deen is cruel.”

-The Redhead Bedhead

“We just went from ass to pussy.  That just happened.”

-Me

“Fuck I am gonna need to check my clit into rehab after this because it has curled up and died.”

-Navigator

“If you feel your skin crawl when she stares at you through the camera, don’t feel bad – you’re not alone.”

-Me

“FUCKIN’ JUMP CUT RIGHT OUT OF A GODDAMN HORROR MOVIE.”

-Navigator

“‘My ass is in pain,’ spoken like a true person who absolutely only did anal for money.”

-Epiphora

“‘I’m shy and I don’t want to be shy with you, but I am,’ HIS DICK WAS JUST IN YOUR ASS.”

-Me

“Farrah, the spokesperson for everyone who feels to shy to approach a cute guy… whose dick was just in their ass.”

-The Redhead Bedhead

“She curled up with a pillow over her face and murmured, “I’m embarrassed.” The guilt is heavy, my friends.”

-Epiphora

“Christ, the only thing getting me through this is the fact that James is as done with this shit as we are.”

-Navigator

“‘My sexy-ass boobs.’ Her sexy ass boobs. Her sexy ass-boobs.”

-Me

“I refuse to judge anyone for having lube and a sex toy in their purse.”

-The Redhead Bedhead

“What bugs me about this more than anything else is this looks like someone trying to be sexy having no idea what feels sexy to them… like, she’s just doing what she thinks people do in porn.”

-Navigator

“‘I love that we’re doing this together, bee-bee.’ Farrah on both of them sticking fingers in her vagina.”

-Epiphora

‘I love my pussy.’ ‘Good. That’s something you should love.’ James Deen for body positivity!

-Me

“That was like the end of Blair Witch.”

-The Redhead Bedhead

“‘I’m fucking done.’  Yeah, honey, me too.”

-Navigator

The post Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom, Nightmare Fuel appeared first on Sugarcunt Writes.

I thought I only needed two AAAs, and I was very disappointed when it didn’t work once I had inserted them. Turns out that you need three. Once I put the batteries in, the Sqweel started automatically (probably because I pressed each and every button several times to see if it needed batteries) and I was like, “OH GOD, HOW DO I TURN IT OFF?” It didn’t take long to figure out that you have to hold down the “on” button, but it was still surprising when I hit the on button and the thing sped up instead of turning off.

The point is, there was a lot of yelling when I unboxed this toy. There’s a little lock switch on the device and, before I read the user guide, I flipped it and was shocked as hell when I pulled the front panel of the toy off.

Now I have a confession… I cannot use the Sqweel.

Well, that isn’t true. I can use the Sqweel, but only with help.

I was seduced by the item’s description.

Boasting 3 titillating rotation speeds at each setting, this luxurious lapping machine offers an experience close to real oral sex sessions.

and:

Explore the reverse mode, which sends the silicone wheel spinning in the opposite direction, and the flicker setting that moves the wheel back and forth across your clitoris for satisfying cunnilingus. In total, you have 9 exciting options for play.

So seduced, in fact, that I didn’t stop to think about how the Sqweel  would interact with my anatomy.  I didn’t read any reviews because I wanted to start this review with an unbiased opinion.  While I knew the Sqweel probably wouldn’t feel like real oral sex, I was counting on the fact that it wouldn’t feel anything like a vibrator. I wanted simulated cunnilingus, and I wanted it ASAP, damn it! So I asked to review the Sqweel and waited impatiently for it to arrive.

 You can imagine, then, how distressing it was when I couldn’t quite part my labia enough for the Sqweel to work. I could spread myself a little bit with one hand while the other held the Sqweel, but that wasn’t enough to allow the tongues to rotate. I tried a couple different positions. I tried to spread myself with both hands and leave it sitting in front of me, but it wouldn’t stay in place well enough without me pushing it toward my body.  All that waiting and I couldn’t use it.

I was pretty depressed. I have a very complicated relationship with my vagina, and the amount of time I have spent wishing that I could sew it shut or swap it out for a penis is… extensive. Being unable to use a toy because of my shape was infuriating, but all my anger was directed at my vulva and myself.

I should have been more conscious of my anatomy when I was considering this toy. If you have really prominent or fleshy labia that you have to hold back to allow access to your clitoris (I have what some might call a “fat cunt”), then the Sqweel isn’t the toy for you if you plan on using it alone. I hate to be the one to tell you that, but I don’t want you to spend $60 only to find that you can’t use the Sqweel without another person present.

If you have labia that will stay back when you push them back, you’ll probably have no problem with the Sqweel.  Similarly, if your labia don’t conceal your clit, you’ll probably be fine.  You probably also want to have a decently-sized clitoris to use it.  I have a relatively small clitoris that takes a while to get engorged, so the Sqweel was not the perfect toy for me, because it didn’t even get to my clit half of the time.  I also have a vertical clitoral hood piercing that’s a little bit long, and so I was terrified that the extra length of my barbell would get pulled into the Sqweel.  It didn’t, but the concern was very real.  The toy didn’t yank anything out, not even pubic hair, despite that being one of Epiphora’s complaints about it.

My partner was kind enough to help me use the Sqweel.  I parted my labia and he held it against me.  It’s certainly a unique sensation.  It definitely doesn’t feel like any oral sex I’ve ever had, but it doesn’t feel like any vibrator, either.  It kind of feels like your genitals are being gently slapped repeatedly.  It’s more pleasurable than it sounds.

Depending on where you hold the Sqweel, it also tickles a little bit.  The entire thing was just… okay.  I said, “God, that’s WEIRD,” repeatedly during its use.  I imagine that I would have gotten more out of it if I had a more prominent clitoris.  The unique sensation seems like it would have been stellar if the Sqweel was capable of stimulating me more.  But with my clitoris being what it is, I was not blown away.

Since I can’t use this toy on my own (not the toy’s fault) and my clitoris isn’t a good size for stimulation (also not the toy’s fault), I’m probably not going to pull out the Sqweel very often.  I might give it a go a few more times in the future when the mood strikes, but because of the circumstances, the Sqweel pretty much can’t earn a place in my heart.  And that honestly makes me sad, because there aren’t many things like the Sqweel on the market.  I can only recommend this toy if your anatomy meets certain requirements.  If you’re interested in trying it out, you can get it here.  If the toy doesn’t work for you, Lovehoney has a very generous 100 day return policy, so don’t feel like you’re shit out of luck if you try it and don’t like it!

Thank you, Lovehoney, for sending me the Lovehoney Sqweel 2 to review!

The post The Lovehoney Sqweel 2 appeared first on Sugarcunt Writes.

This woman frequently posted photos of her bound arms or legs and the bruises she received from being disciplined.   She wrote about being a submissive and what it meant to her.  Something that struck me about her writing was how much love and respect she very clearly held for her dominant.  Another thing that struck me was how much he treasured her.

It was obvious that when they were together, she was able to throw herself into servitude and escape from the outside world for a while.  To me, that was probably one of the most appealing aspects of the lifestyle.  I loved the idea of being able to tune everything out and focus on the object of my affections.  I loved the idea of being someone’s possession and following their directions with rewards or punishments on the line.

I also stumbled upon the blog of pigdog (now known as Cherry Torn), who was doing some stuff that blew my mind.  She was enduring some very serious punishments, and underwent a lot of humiliation – the most prominent thing that sticks out in my mind was the fact that at some point or another, she had to drink urine out of a pet bowl.  Something about the humiliation turned me on a great deal.

I didn’t have a very realistic view of BDSM in my youth.  It all seemed very magical.  I think that in my mind, being someone’s pet meant that I wouldn’t have to take care of myself on an emotional level, which was something I didn’t want to do because of my mental health.  I wanted all responsibility taken out of my hands, and in return I just wanted to make someone else happy.  I was convinced that doing that would make me happy in turn.

Let me just clear something up for you: that’s wrong.  BDSM is not a replacement for self-care and attending to your personal needs.  While it is your top’s responsibility to be respectful, safe, and caring, it is not your top’s responsibility to take charge of your entire life.  Even if you’re interested in servitude, a 24-7 lifestyle just isn’t right for most people, and even in a 24-7 situation, it’s important to take care of yourself.  Only you know exactly what you want and need.  Stand up for yourself and share that information with your master.  Be a healthy individual so you can maintain a healthy relationship.

I use BDSM very differently than I imagined.  For starters, I’ve become way less interested in a 24-7 lifestyle and more interested in power dynamics.  I love power play, especially where someone has to earn the position of dominance over me.  I love being a brat.  I’ve found that I’m very kinky and I have a variety of interests outside of bondage and D/s.  I’ve discovered that I don’t like as much pain as I imagined that I would, but I love sense play A LOT.  I’ve discovered that my love of humiliation is best fed when someone is talking dirty to me.

And most importantly, I don’t use BDSM as a substitute for self-care.  I have limits, and I set them, rather than letting someone dictate what they are.  I’m present in my life and am able to fulfill my own needs.  I take care of myself and maintain my mental health.  A kinky sex life is no substitute for self-reliance.

What was the first thing that got you interested in BDSM?

The post What Got Me Into BDSM appeared first on Sugarcunt Writes.

The Lovehoney Sqweel 2

Jopen Key Comet G-Spot Wand

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Naturally, there was some distress in the community about the Salsa’s parting, and loads of people concocted a good reason that they should win one of Lilly’s Salsas, but as with all contests, not everyone wins.  For those of you who are afraid that you’ll never get your hands on a We-Vibe Salsa, I present to you: SheVibe.

SheVibe has all the colors of the Salsa in stock for $63.74.

So not only is that cheaper than you could have gotten it at, say, EdenFantasys (It was $79, according to one of Lilly’s screenshots), but it’s also still available for purchase at this time.

Naturally, once SheVibe’s stock of the Salsa is gone, it’s gone for good, but you can buy one now.  Come on, you know you want to.

The post The Dearly Departed We-Vibe Salsa Isn’t Quite Gone Yet appeared first on Sugarcunt Writes.

Divine Interventions.  If you’re a sex blogger, you’ve probably heard of them.  Maybe you visited their site to see if they really had a Baby Jesus Butt Plug.  Maybe you wanted to write them an angry letter (or a love letter) after you saw my picture of their Holy Water Lube (“So blessedly good even God uses it!”)  Maybe you’ve never heard of them.  Get in the car and buckle your sweet ass in, because we are going to take a ride together.

This is the Diving Nun.

Your first impression is probably, “That can’t be a dildo.”

Your first impression is right.  It isn’t “a dildo.”

It’s an AMAZING dildo.   The distinction is important.

The Diving Nun is made from a supple, flexible silicone and features a nice, wide base that suctions to a surface when you slam it down.  If you’re anything like me, this means that it will find a home on your coffee table and in your heart.

As you can see, the Nun has a beastly curve and some wicked wrinkles in her wimple.  Do not let these ridges intimidate you.  If you warm up, lube up, and start slowly, you’ll have no problem with the Diving Nun at all.  Do not do what I did.  When this dildo arrived at my home, my Nun timeline looked something like this:

1. The honeymoon phase.  The Nun arrived and I waved it around, stuck it to things, photographed it, admired it, and spent a great deal of time being deeply in dildo-love with it.  I took it to the bedroom.
2. Our first fight.  I spent a few seconds lubing the Nun up, then I unceremoniously jammed it in the general direction of my vagina.  That sucker wasn’t going in.  It’s an enormous dildo.  I have plenty of experience with enormous dildos, but I had to try it without warming up FOR SCIENCE.  At least I tell myself it was for science… but it’s more like I couldn’t think in the haze of my dildo lust.  It was quite a scene.  I spent a great deal of time painstakingly jamming it, inch by inch, into myself.  Like the first time I used the Rippler without warming up first, it was not pleasant.  Not pleasant at all.
3. Make-up sex.  Once things got going and the juices got flowing, fucking the Diving Nun gradually became more pleasurable.  In fact, after a certain point, it stopped riding the line between pleasure and pain and it just felt good.  We made up – I forgave it for hurting my vagina and it forgave me for my inability to think critically about the best time to use certain dildos.

You can definitely feel the Nun’s ridges when you use it.  In subsequent uses of the Nun, I warmed up with another dildo beforehand.  After that warm-up, inserting the Diving Nun was easy, and I had an incredibly enjoyable experience.  Don’t think that I love the Nun unconditionally, though.  I have a couple minor complaints.  The base is huge, which is great for suctioning the dildo, but not so great for holding.  Because it’s flexible, I -can- hold it, but I either have to spread my hand out across the base to do that, or have to get a flimsy grip on part of the base and use that to move it in and out.  The first time I used the Nun, my wrist got really sore.  Really sore.  While that could very easily have been a carpal tunnel flare-up, I think it probably has more to do with the amount of time I spent with my hand spread in an awkward position.

Due to my wrist pain, and in an attempt to work smarter rather than harder, I opted to ride the Diving Nun instead of using my hands. It wasn’t easy. I don’t have a very good surface to stick the Nun on, so the suction cup – which works well – didn’t really benefit me at all.  Because of how steep the curve of the dildo is, the only method I could contrive was standing at the edge of my bed and backing up and down on it. And sure, it felt good, but that also took more work. I was hoping to be able to hump it, not do squats. (As someone who has never done a squat in her life I should add that I’m not entirely sure how a squat works, but I imagine that it works like what I did.)

I can overlook the wrist pain and the challenge of standing use because of what it’s like to clench your muscles around the Diving Nun.  Simply put, it’s delicious.  The Nun is filling and textured.  The first time I used the Nun, I combined it with my Hitachi and had an orgasm that was so good that it was nearly painful.  You read that right: so good that it almost hurt.  While the other orgasms I’ve had with the nun haven’t been quite as exquisite as the first, they’re still pretty damn good.

The nun also hits my G-spot in a pleasant manner.  I find it difficult to ejaculate when I’m only enjoying G-spot stimulation, but I felt very close to squirting a number of times while I was using the Nun.  My G-spot, though, is very fickle, so I have a difficult time figuring out how to prolong or recreate certain types of G-spot stimulation that are very enjoyable.

Ultimately, the cons of the Diving Nun (the steep curve making it a bit difficult to ride, the base being slightly challenging to hold) are outweighed by the fact that the Nun just feels amazing.  It’s fantastic for thrusting at any speed!  It hits my G-spot!  It’s shaped like a nun!  It’s 1 3/4 inches in diameter, 7 3/4 inches long, and 100% glorious.

 If you’ve got a sense of humor regarding sex toys and matters of sacrilege, I encourage you to check out Divine Interventions.  Their descriptions are clever and their products are 100% unique.  There are also some pretty cool non-denominational dildos for those of you who are more… respectful.  (I can think of a few people I know that would, for example, dig the Celtic… you know who you are.)  And, of course, there’s always the Holy Water Lube… no glycerin, no parabens, DEA free and 100% vegan.  I hear that there are even safer lubricants that exist, but the Holy Water Lube is unquestionably the most body-friendly lubricant in my drawer.

Thank you so much, Divine Interventions, for providing me with a Diving Nun in exchange for an honest review!

The post Sister Act: The Divine Interventions Diving Nun appeared first on Sugarcunt Writes.

I support GetLusty‘s mission (enhancing relationships), and I’m happy to write for them to help encourage and educate the site’s readers.  While GetLusty is currently largely cis-and-hetero-normative/centric, I think it has a lot of potential for growth and possibly future inclusion, and some of the informative articles and ideas aren’t limited to use in heterosexual relationships.

To read articles on GetLusty, you’re required to sign up, either via Facebook or with an e-mail address.  Sign up is free, and you’re encouraged to sign up with your partner.  GetLusty has a points system that allows you to access more content as you gain more points, and you and your partner can pool your points together.

If you’re interested in reading my work for GetLusty, here are five of my most recent articles:

Kink Safety 101: What You Need to Know

Bondage 101: What You Need to Know

Fetish! Rubber 101

Phone Sex 101: Keep Your Partner Hanging on Every Word

An Erotic Night on the Town! 5 Kinky Date Ideas
Happy reading!

Oh… and speaking of Facebook pages, have you liked mine yet?

https://www.facebook.com/Sugarc.ntWrites

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