Sugarless Nights

It's been 138 days since my last confession....

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 21:13:00 +0000

Or something like that.

I'm going to start writing in my blog again but really thinking of switching it up to a word press site. What do you guys think??

Time for a commercial break:

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 13:53:00 +0000

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I have to power this website some how and this is a FREE way to save money while shopping online. All I ask is that you check it out by clicking here:

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By doing this for me, we can both earn $5!
Thanks for the support!

Insomniatic Musings....

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 05:32:00 +0000

I think I liked myself better when I was on drugs. I think everyone else did too. There's something to be said for being the life of the party vs. being the crazy one locked in her house feeling the feeling of bugs crawling on stretched skin and cells dying or multiplying depending on the occasion.
It's amazing how sane I feel until I'm around other people and then I question the reality of what is real or normal. I question the ability to be so emotionally detached from people and memories, theories and music. Oh yeah, there's something orgasmic about the music that is made out there in the world. It's the one thing in this inhumane humanity that knows no boundaries of race, or sex, or sexual orientation, or shoe size. There's nothing like rolling up to a stop light and hearing the guy who you just flipped off rocking out to the same song as you are and some how you feel like maybe he's not such a bad guy if he likes Nirvana or Green Day, or Janis Joplin, or Jay-Z or whatever in the hell that last song was that you were listening to.
I used to have a lot of friends until they realized I was crazy or on the verge of being so, and I realized they were boring. Even those who once seemed so bold and different were all members of the same rebellion. There was nothing different about them at all other than location. I often feel like I'm stuck in a suspended state of time while the rest of the world keeps spinning. Every time I see a familiar face it has aged while I feel as though I've stayed the same. There's nothing like getting lost in your own mind to keep you young at heart.
I watch quirky things on television when there are such quirky things to watch. In each of them I feel there lies a certain line of truth about life but if you get up before a commercial you might just miss it. Other people are too busy making money to realize that life is passing them by. I guess that's why I will die broke.
I get totally freaked out hearing about the end of the world even if it won't be for another 5 billion years. There's something about the thought of what it will be like when the Earth exists no longer and we have long ago departed that makes me sad and nervous and excited all at the same time.
When I was a child, I watched a man die. He was lying on the cement surrounded by strangers. It was a car crash. I don't know how he got there, on the pavement I mean. I just know that he looked like a kind man, as he looked back at me. We exchanged glances like notes being passed in the hands of middle schoolers. Mine said I was sorry, his said he was too. I don't know what he was sorry for but I have felt the sorrow ever since.
I played chess with a man that was declared unstable by the government and every person that ever looked at him. It was the most enlightening three hours of my life. I would have given him a kidney or my soul except that he was one of the few people that wasn't asking for anything in return for the gift he was giving me.
I had a gun put to my head and learned very quickly that I couldn't trust anyone no matter how much they said they loved me. I was raped and reminded again how I could never trust anyone despite the words that they said. My words are my currency. It's all I have and everyone of them is filled with more sincerity than the pay check you work so tirelessly for. I've been told that I was a liar by people who had never known truth and abducted by Christians who wanted my sex.
It's amazing how one can see it all and know so little, but I will be the first to admit that I know nothing. I question reality. I question authority. I question myself. I question who will read this dribble and find my lines of truth hidden between the texts.
I don't expect to be believed. I mean, just look at me. I'm a junkie, I'm a whore, I'm a dyke, I'm a fiend. I'm a liar, I'm a sinner, I'm the God damned Joker. What is it that you're looking for? You see there I go again, with the questions. The questions race in circles, lap after lap, around my mind as I am the chicken just trying to cross the road. All I want is to make it to the other side.
I don't know when it happened, my transition from sane to insane or why for that matter. Perhaps it was so gradual that I didn't notice but I have been trying to find my way back for some time. I used to have friends once, but they all realized that I wasn't one of them, and I... Well... I was glad.

Maybe I'm the one who should be gone?

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 19:13:00 +0000

Inside I'm dying
I don't even know why I'm trying
She says she's not leaving me
as she packs her bags
in our room
I can't seem to get out from under
this cloud of doom

What can you do
when nothing you do works
What's left to try
when you've tried it all
what's left to live for
when life doesn't want you?

I'm taking a breath
before I take my death
Deciding if its worth it
to keep my eyes open
or if the signs on my path
are telling me to exit

I've tried all that I know
and even tried a few ways
that I don't
All it taught me was that
I shouldn't believe in fairy tales
like happily ever after
There's no such thing as eternity
much less eternal love

It's pointless to make a point anymore
There's no use in fighting
to keep things going
when she says she's not leaving
even though she's already gone

I have nothing anymore
and no where to belong.
Maybe this time I'm the one
who should be gone?

106 Degrees

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 01:03:00 +0000

Another hot day
melting of the face
melting of the soul
Lying in my skin
Fan above circulates
stale air
moist with sweat
The 45 dances in circles
on the blue record player
on a make shift table
just for me.
Outside it's 106 unbearable degrees
but inside it's just right.
It's times like these
that make me glad to be alive.

My God, Why Can't I Just Get Laid?

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 01:02:00 +0000

Words words words, will not come
like I can not come
maybe the words are my sex
and since I'm not getting laid
I can't get them to lay
across this page
the way they used to
orgasmically burst,
only to be strewn
about my cosmic mind
this sitcom like comedy that I'm living
is giving me a wedgie inside of the ass crack of my soul
and all of a sudden everything's just moving to slow
Maybe I've lost it
my ability to fuck my way through the vocabulary
as if each word were my whore for the night
my right hand pumping them out
harder and faster
like a detachable dick-tionary
a prosthesis to make up
for my disability
of social norm
It's been like this ever since I was born
This urge to just write and type
in a nympho-manic sort of way
My God, why can't I just get laid?

My big library adventure....

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 17:30:00 +0000

I actually got offline for a little while yesterday!

I felt like I hadn't used my legs in months and fought through the searing pain of sunlight as it forced its way through my eyes.

It was hard not to squint and although I wanted to retaliate back to the comfort of my couch dent, I forged ahead!

As soon as I got outside the sweat came pouring off of my face, which was the moment I had an Epiphany and realized that in order for my venture outdoors, I had to find a place to hide from that damned sun ASAP!

I got in my car and put down the sun visor while looking for my shades, and immediately cranked up the AC as the sweat started forming behind my knees. Ugh!

My gas tank was as hungry as I was so I figured a quick trip to the gas station would fulfill us both. A slim jim and 2 gallons of gas later, we were both feeling a little better about this venture.

The car had cooled down enough to be tolerable and the traffic wasn't nearly as bad as the jam I had conjured up in my head so I decided I might not need that last Kolonopin after all. I did have to figure out where to go though before this asshole behind me blows an artery the way he's blowing his horn.

I made a left which was surprisingly easier than making a right. About that time the Gods shined on me as I received a call from my local library that the book I reserved a month prior had finally arrived.

The New Graphic Design School by Alan Swann made me hopeful that I really could step up my artwork and perhaps even make some money doing it!

Luckily, I was already headed in that direction. As I was pulling up I realized that the few cars that were strewn about the parking lot were all occupied. I looked at the clock and realized I now had another 25 minutes before the library opened up. Just my luck!

I should've bought something to drink while I was at the gas station and now it was too far to go back but just close enough to taunt me. I suffered through the heat.

I opened all of the windows and melted like a candy bar under the hot sun into the seats. Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, I heard the sound of the door unlocking. Thank GOD!

Since I really make it an effort not to venture out of the house too often, I decided to stock up on supplies. I really should unplug once in a while and start reading actual books again. I was beginning to forget how much I loved the library until yesterday, when I walked in and was greeted with a 70 degree kiss from the AC faeries, and learned there was a whole other section to the library that I had been missing.

The "New" section sang to me like angels at heavens gate. I ended up with TWELVE books! (All of which are due in 2 weeks!) If any of what I checked out turns out to be a good book, I'll definitely let you know!

For those of you who want to start getting back into reading I have to tell you that there is an AMAZING E-book called "Little Brother" by Cori Doctrow that is quite possibly one of the best books that I've read in years! I downloaded it on my G1 and couldn't put it down!

If you find anything good let me know! I need some good reads :)

Runaway

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 15:12:00 +0000

The first time I ever thought about running away I was roughly six years old. I had watched the movie Pee Wee's Big Adventure, and seen the part where he's walking down the road carrying a pole over his shoulder. I took a pillowcase, but a few belongings in it, and tied it to the end of a golf club.

I started off down the stairs with no idea of where I was going. All I knew was that I didn't want to be where I was. At six years old I already knew that there was a whole world outside waiting for me.

I didn't belong in my house because I didn't fit in there. Within minutes my quest for freedom, my stepmother snatched me by the arm, and began spanking me. She was yelling at me and asking me what in the hell I thought I was doing and where I was going. I remember feeling the pit inside my stomach open up as it swallowed my soul; my childhood was over as quickly as it had begun.

Bed time poem

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 04:03:00 +0000

Sometimes I wonder
if I will ever be fulfilled,
my cups been empty ever since it was spilled,
like red wine on a white carpet,
memories stained,
I am drained..

I give it to you....

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Wed, 26 May 2010 20:48:00 +0000

I am in love
with love
the idea of being loved
of having loved
of breathing just to hear
her heart beat
I am in love with
the walk
the smile
the face
the eyes
the hair
the stare
into space
when she is thinking
dreaming
This love that binds me
is so freeing
I am in love with love
the idea of being loved
of having been loved
of having been in love
the scent of her
lingering in the air
of scense of the prescense
before my love is even there.
I am in love
with love
my love
for her
her love for me.
This is love
my love
and now I give it to you.

I'm not....ok?

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Wed, 26 May 2010 20:44:00 +0000

If time heals all
then why is it that I'm still walking around
with this broken heart?

I've had it since the start
when she PUSHED me out
and he threw me away

If time heals all
then why is it that I'm still in pain
each and every day
as I
try to find my way

I can no longer pretend to be ok
some body has taken my drugs away
no body is giving me hugs today

I'm not ok
I'm not....
Ok?

I thought life was supposed to be fun!

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Wed, 19 May 2010 15:50:00 +0000

There used to be so many people
I could call
talk to
run to
When I needed a friend
Yet here I sit
alone,
amidst the night
Just me & the moon
though somehow
I doubt that he cares
whether or not
I'm alright
The TV talks, begs, fights
in the distance for my attention
But all I can think about
is the voice in my head that I forgot to mention
It keeps me up
These days
Any days,
That I'm in a rut
Makes me feel like I'm some kind of nut
I'm too old to numb myself
with high school drugs
Too young to be done
I thought life was supposed to be fun?

This Cage

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Fri, 14 May 2010 18:58:00 +0000

I am stoned
on a Friday,
afternoon
The music lingers
like a cloud in the back of my mind
I'm suddenly becoming harder to find
I tried to lose myself
on a crowded street
but no matter where I went
I always came back to me.
Hard to be anything anymore
I lost my face
Once I was given a number

There's nothing social or secure about it
Am I the only one who
bothers to wonder
How the generation that gave us peace and love
now heard us like we're cattle?
(Don't Shove!)
The world's suddenly in a hurry to reach their doom
I mean destiny
But me I'm a tortoise in this race
I can't let them get the best of me
I refuse to be silenced.
and if they want me gone, they'll have to arrest me.
The things I see
and the things I hear,
just don't match up
Peace and love
are more important than how desperate of a housewife you are
Me, I'll take the life of a farmer
over the need for a suit of armor
Yeah peace and love
It's my favorite drug
and all the rage
Come with me,
let's break out of this cage!

Empty Tank

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Wed, 12 May 2010 14:15:00 +0000

I'm learning to loathe
the gas light
on my dash
which screams at me
the way my father used to scream at me
reminding me of my place in society
and how I will never seem to have enough
or be enough
why does everything always have to be so damn tough?

Today is supposed to be a new day
but instead it's just another day
of struggling with myself
to lose myself
while trying to find myself
while it always starts out a little different
it always seems to end the same

What is this sick and twisted game?
Amidst this crowd
I am alone
Just looking for a place to call home
Inside I am a child
Outside I'm full grown

Flick away the cigarette
Tired of kissing butts
There's got to be a way to get out of this rutt
What happened to my dreams?
Better yet what happened to my hope?
Maybe I left it on the table
When I picked up my dope

I've got 250 contacts in my phone
but what good is calling folks
who never seem to be home?

Pack my life into more boxes
wondering where my other sock is

There's nothing like being stuck
But I can't be like them
I've got to give a fuck

If only I could get enough money for gas
I could put enough fuel in my tank
to move on to the next town
the next crowd
the next site where I can drown
my sorrows
At the sadness of today being the last of my tomorrow's

What have I left?

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Sat, 08 May 2010 21:24:00 +0000

It's time to unplug the cord the doctor said
I heard his whisper it slowly to the nurse
I said a prayer though I knew I was cursed
It was true, I've never felt worse.

I got in the car and thought about your limp body
and how the idea of you
had deflated into
nothing more than time consumed flesh

Shrugged my shoulders though my heart was heavy
and knew it was best.
Now that I've let you go
maybe we can both rest

Driving over unfamiliar highway
Windows down, arm stretched out
Sun kissed skin
How could I have ever been so dumb to think that I could win?

Memories of the past
drift through my mind
and I know that I'll never find
a way to fill this hole
but it was time
I had to let you go.

What have I left?

a sigh of thought

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Sat, 08 May 2010 21:10:00 +0000

I breath a sigh of thought
in from the pipe
out through the paper
Inhale tidal waves of emotion
like a junky inhales their rock
my rock has been long ago washed away.
Slowly I rock
back and forth
thinking about how once again
I called out for help
and you weren't there.
What do I have to do to make you care?

Try to Find Me

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 00:52:00 +0000

There are all kinds of things
Rumbling around with
Thunderous waves
Kind of sound
inside of me
I'm a stranger to myself
and a danger to myself
Seeds of doubt long ago planted
inside my flower pot
makes the noise never stop
stop
stop
STOP!
I stomp my feet
like the child I am
and retreat
inside the tent I've pitched
inside of my lonely mind.
Maybe one of these days
Someone will care enough
to try to find me.

Big Brother Come Save Us!

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 17:46:00 +0000

When I was growing up, I listened to the amazing stories of how "Hippies" and various other groups of people have come together and kept our government in check by protesting. In elementary and middle school I heard the stories of the Boston Tea Party and how one person could become a group of 100 then 1,000 just standing up and fighting for their rights together. I always respected and admired those people who didn't fear speaking their mind.

As time marches on, I see that our country which was founded by rebels, frowns on those who speak their mind, unless they go along with the "group think".

The funny thing is that the more I write and speak my own mind, I see that the actual group think is similar to mine, so why are we the people not taking more control over what "Big Brother" has in store for us?

Our country is currently in a state of distress. Everyone's mind is focused on finances more than ever, as those who used to be middle class have been knocked back down the ladder, and the poor have become poorer.

While we all struggle to keep our heads afloat from the Tsunami that this economy has caused us, Big Brother is gaining more control across the board. In the last 2 years, we've gone from bad to worse. Our banks, oil, hospitals,housing, automobiles, and soon to be airlines are all being held for ransom.

Last week, it was announced that Spirit Airlines wanted to start charging for carry on luggage. Needless to say this hasn't gone over too well. Instead of the citizens of this country taking the time to pick up a phone and call the customer service line or drop the 44 cents on a stamp to write a letter to the company, we have cried out once again for our Big Brother to come and rescue us.

The problem is that once again Big Brother doesn't just step in and say "Hey Spirit Airlines, my little brothers and sisters don't like what you're doing. Please change it." They say "Hey I'm big brother and I'm not going to let you do this or that and now I own you.".

In our Politically Correct world, we're scared to step on toes as an outsider of group think. But those who think like the group, that we're told exists, feel they have the right to say or do whatever they want and they do; and they do just that.

We are letting go of our right to participate in our own government. We call big brother to come and save us, but he doesn't save us, he just takes over.

The fact that our oil companies are still being afforded the ability to charge us over the $2 and soon to be $3 mark (again) is ridiculous. However our dependency on automobiles for transportation leaves us feeling like we can't do much more than bitch and moan as we sink our hands further into our pockets while searching for loose change.

Change is exactly what we need and because of that pretense we have the president we have in office.

Obama has changed things, but few of those changes have been for the better. Our parents who are getting ready to hit retirement are now having to do so without the pensions they worked so hard for. Social Security is maxing itself out, and 401K's have turned into piggy banks that are constantly being squeezed for banks.

It's ironic that the banks (who charge $36 when that check you wrote for $10.00 bounces because all you had was $9.99 in the account) have the right to charge you high amounts of fees, fines, and interest, but don't return the favor when they make a mistake.

Yet spirit air can't charge $5 for a carry on suitcase. I don't like the fees, and seeing as though I am on the lower end of middle class, I usually HAVE TO fly Spirit when I need to fly somewhere. It's an inconvenience but may lighten the amount of luggage on the plane which could save fuel and may hopefully cut down on the actual price of the ticket itself. So instead of paying $129 for a ticket, maybe I'll be able to fly for $99 or $79. So if I have to pay $5 for the carry on or even $10, it still costs me less to travel then it would have normally. I see the logic in their thinking and I'm not ready to pick up the phone to complain (yet). The other airlines have already said they aren't following suit (yet). So, what's the big deal? Why is big brother already jumping at the bit to get involved?

They didn't get involved in the recent case where the teenage lesbian was denied the right to attend the prom with her girlfriend. They don't get involved in people being discriminated against and allow the unfair fees that banks continue to charge even though those banks have already been given more of our money then they deserve thanks to the bailouts.

They don't get involved to help. They get involved when it's beneficial to them. Keeping your mouth shut and allowing this treatment to continue is far from patriotic. It doesn't make you a better person, it makes you an accessory to the raping and robbing of Americans by the system that was supposed to protect them. If you aren't already involved with the decision making in your city and or state, get involved NOW! Organize your friends and family, educate them, and inspire them to write letters, form protests, and get loud!

Together we can, & need to, take back our country.

Anything you'd like to reproduce that I've written above, please provide a return link to my email JessicaLemin@gmail.com or website www.eastcoastpoet.com

My love

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 20:01:00 +0000

Find a place in my mind
Over the rolling hills
and snow topped mountain
under the shade tree
on a hot summer day
that's where you will find my love

Reading stories of our life
To you
with your head in my lap
eyes to the bright blue sky
feeling
feeling
our love

mountain streams
where it's ok to dream
we are free.

A rather long write....

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 01:25:00 +0000

Desperate.

I am desperate for a change. Desperate for someone to love, someone to love me. I'm desperate to find out what it feels like to have a mom and a dad who both feel about me as I do about them; lovingly. As many people as I've known in my life and none of them can ever believe the things that I've been through in my life or how I could always be the one to get kicked when I'm down. It's all I've known, this feeling of falling through cracks and aloneness. I have a family of four. My wife and our two boys. Biologically hers, but ours none the less. I want to be a good parent to them but I don't feel the connection that I think I should. I am proud of them but again I don't feel that umbilical chord like longing and attachment that I wish I did. I don't share that feeling with anyone. I have 12 brothers and sisters, possibly more out there somewhere, but I didn't get to grow up with most of them so I don't have a confidant who understands the feelings that I am feeling in my heart and in my soul. I don't remember what it was like to be a child only that I feel like more of one at 31 than I did at 3 or 13.

I'm longing for a change that will reset my soul. Searching for a new high that will take me out of the gutters of life that I feel I have been swimming in since the womb. I'm so tired of feeling like all I have to look forward to is impending doom. I am desperate for someone to rescue me just as I was desperate years ago when I first felt the feelings of torment and chaos as these hurricanes of confusion first crossed my mind. I'm longing for a chance to be heard. To be seen, to be understood, to have a fresh start. A real start. As opposed to the being thrown out of the car window and told to survive feeling that I share with “Joe Dirt”. I don't understand what it is about me that has caused this. Or why I even feel like I could have done something to cause this when in reality I know it was my sociopathic father. I don't blame my mother for getting out and getting away. I don't blame my mother for needing to retreat into cocaine dreams, I only blame her for not coming back to get me with the cavalry of friends and family that she eventually acquired while I stayed locked up in a hellacious existence.

I've always been oppressed by the man I call dad. Only been told twice he was proud and I think it was because he wanted a pat on the back for being such a caring man. He enjoys those pats on the back though he gets off more on making me feel like I am nothing other than sub human. Today I am trying to make a stand but I'm really pissed off because once again I let myself get foiled and sucked into his web of deceit. He knows I have always wanted a father who loves me and the blob that he is morphed into this caring man who had a change of heart after facing death with coronary diseases and played with my emotions knowing that I am a sucker for those who are suffering. He wanted us to be closer, he wanted to help us and be the man he should've been all of those years ago and yet here I sit, betrayed, belittled, and so completely over it all that all I can see is red.

I want to live my life. I want to remember what it's like to have a heart of my own the flies free rather than being drenched in tears for being duped (again) and for what I've longed for for so long.

I want to be someone important to the two people who should have cared when they saw me first open my eyes, or take my first steps, or when I said my first word. But I'll never have that and I have to find a way to get past this. There are so many days when I feel exhausted and I just don't want to go on. However my faith in a compassionate God keeps me alive. I don't want to disappoint my true creator for taking the nearest exit instead of pushing ahead to my final destination.

I can't help but to feel these feelings of desperation to get up and out and find the ability to stand on my on two feet again, but in a capitalistic society it's near impossible to stand up without having to pay someone for the privilege to do so.

I want to be independent of this world. I want to be independent o everyone and everything around me. I don't want to need anyone for anything but unfortunately by not having anyone as a kid, I need everyone so much more now than ever. My heart breaks every day that I have to breath without the love needed to plug up the pot holes and fist holes. I'm shattered and torn and tired of it all. Tired. That's such a great summary of it all. I'm tired. Exhausted. I need to rest. A vacation from it all. It's gotten to the point that I hate watching television because the relationships of others triggers me into remembering what I will never have. I can't watch people who have money and don't deserve it parade around and stomp their feet when they don't get their way on these “reality” shows. There is nothing real about any of it to me.

I often wonder how the average person could be so uncaring to treat another living being in these ways? Everyone has feelings. Well strike that, most of us have feelings and perhaps mine are a little more intense than others, but it doesn't mean that anyone deserves to be the target of rage, hate, hurt, and pain. It's just never fun to be on the receiving end of it.

I need a vacation from thinking about others. A way to focus on myself. I'm drowning after all and some swimming lessons would be great right about now.

I need a vacation from being poor and unemployed. I need to feel excited and overjoyed. Even if it's just for one day because let's face it, I may not have many more than that upon the road ahead.

I'm desperate for someone to tell me that it'll all be okay rather than the usual “It always gets worse before it gets better.” or “Things can't get much worse.” Because every time I hear that curse I am cursed with things being so much worse.

If you don't understand my rants and raves by now, you never will and perhaps that kind of ignorance is bliss. But if you do get it, I just hope your life isn't half as fucked as this.

This is the end of my day as God has pulled down the shade. I'm tired and cold. I'm hungry and old for being 31. I'm fat and unhappy. Sore inside and out, and all I can do is sit here and try to keep myself from letting it all out. Here and now is all I have. Yesterday is dead and buried although it still likes to haunt my days as if they were someone else's nightmares that I'm stuck in. Tomorrow may fade before I can grab it so for now it's time for a drink, or a smoke, or some way to make myself get out of this mood, this seat, this funk. Take your time and be kind to strangers, fore families and friends can hurt you so much worse.

New ECP stuff for sale

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 15:34:00 +0000

create & buy custom products at Zazzle

Hope(less)

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 01:49:00 +0000

What do you do
when you feel like
all hope is gone?

Throw your hands up
and walk away
but how far can you walk
before
you lose yourself?

Where is the reset button
Just give me one more try
There's got to be a way
to do this one over
I've got to try

It's sad
when the thing you look
forward to most
is the day
that you become a ghost

How will you be remembered
Will you be at all
Will you fly high
or will you fall far?

There's got to be a way
I know it exists
To change your life
when it's going like this.

What kind of place do we live in
when people are suffering
and the only one's who seem to care
are the ones who are already there

This hell on Earth
all I can do is pray
that sooner or later
I will find my way.

Because I'm such an optimist.

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 17:45:00 +0000

I would love to say
that I am an intellectual
born into this world
to two parents who worked dilligently
to support me
and showered me with love
until I walked with ease
into my college dormitory
where I found my own religion
just after discovering the voices
of poets passed
But I have nothing more to report
other than that I
was born into the world
to two parents who worked diligently
to make each other's lives hell
thereby making mine worse
I was showered with obscenities and
insecurities
until I was pushed out into a cold
and unforgivably unaccepting world
where I found my own religion
at the bottom of a pill bottle
just after the voices
in my head said
that from the moment I was born
I have been dead.

2010 is upon us

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 03:53:00 +0000

Only an hour and 13 minutes before 2010 charges in and 2009 is history. Thank GOD! I just wanted to take this time to remind everyone that you don't have to wait for dec. 31st to change your life. Every day begins a new year of your life if you think about it. Tonight I am personally absorbing everything around me and appreciating that I have most of my health, my family, and a few good friends. Can't get much better than that!

I'm also going to take charge over the things that aren't going my way and start making it happen.

I'm always looking for help with PR so if any of you are interested, hit me up!

Much love in 2010. Please make sure that all of your choices are for the better of not just yourself but those around you. Get offline once in a while and breath in the fresh air before it's gone. Do something for someone else once in a while, and never forget that you are loved by someone no matter how bad things may seem, you're never alone. If you ever feel like you are, email me. I do reply to all emails!

JessicaLemin@gmail.com

How Can I Be Jolly?

TheEastCoastPoet@yahoo.com (Just Jess) — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 02:28:00 +0000

How can I be jolly
when the photographs in my mind
aren't of cheesy poses under mistletoe
taken by family members who pinch cheeks
but rather those of a disposable kind
the kind you throw away by burying deep in your mind

We didn't have turkey
we didn't have cranberry sauce
we didn't have stuffing
or gifts
or homes that smelled like fresh cut pine trees

The only thing I unwrapped
were small boxes of 20
machine rolled cigarettes
under empty street lights
drinking the beer I got
from the dirty old man at the seven eleven
while he felt me up
and I looked through the windows of society
cursing the existence of
greeting card companies.