Sunday Mercury - Life Coach

10 Easy Steps to Live a Long and Healthy Life

2009-11-06T10:30:08Z

I'm sure you won't be surprised to know that the ageing process is related to your lifestyle choices, diet and environment - the most recent research telling us that only a small amount is due to direct genetics. So why not start right now to live your life consciously by avoiding stress, taking the best exercise for you and eating well - and you can healthly extend your life.

1.Pet your Pet:

People with pets are less likely to develop heart, circulatory and blood pressure problems. Simply stroking a cat or dog lowers blood pressure. A cat will produce calming alpha waves when they purr and this will help you de-stress and soothe your nervous system better than some drugs

2. Walkies:

Going for a regular walk ( 30 minutes daily) will stimulate your circulation and heart function, help to control cholesterol, boost memory and immune systems and send fresh oxygen into the brain. Just the act of putting one foot in front of the other and the repetitive movement and swing of the arms sends the brain waves into the first level of meditation - alpha waves - which rejuvenate brain and body functions. Taking that walk in nature further enhances your experience; we are of and from nature and the healing potential of trees, greenery and open skies to restore our mind/body functions are immeasurable.

3.Drink up:

Sorry not alcohol but WATER! Your body is virtually 75% water and requires replenishment daily to carry out its complex functions and eliminate toxins. You need water for everything; from helping the blood to make its way 24/7 through your blood vessels to moving the waste products through your digestive tract.

I won't mention 'litres' as that can feel overwhelming but if I said aim to drink one tumbler of water or liquid ( not caffeinated drinks) for every hour that you are awake that doesn't seem so hard so does it? Always remember to drink in between meals and never with meals as the water can dilute digestive juices and interrupt the digestive process. On a night out remember that for every coffee/cola/or alcohol drink you have you must drink another 250ml water to avoid becoming dehydrated. The Ancient Yogis also advice avoiding icy drink as they 'chill the liver' and can alter the processing of fats in the body. Drink a mug of hot water with a slice of lemon in it as its refreshing in the summer and warming and comforting in the winter - trust me, you will become addicted to this eventually!

4.Sleep tight:

To look younger, boost immune function and just generally have a good experience of life getting 8 hours of deep and satisfying sleep - especially REM ( deep restorative 'rapid eye movement' dream ) sleep is essential. You need to build a good routine every evening. Do not eat a heavy meal late at night, aim to have your evening meal before 7pm and make sure it contains complex carbohydrates such as potatoes, brown rice, lentils, pasta; as these will help encourage the body to produce serotonin, which helps to reduce anxiety and lull the mind/body into a relaxed state and induce sleep.

Eat more lettuce with your evening meal or as a late snack it contains lactucarium which is a natural sedative and will encourage deep relaxation and quality sleep. Drink camomile tea or a milky malt drink before sleep. No caffeine ( tea/coffee or cola) or alcohol after 6pm.

Get rid of the TV, Laptop, computers from the bedroom, do not bring work related paperwork into the bedroom, just glancing at them will make you anxious. Do not watch the news, horror films or thrillers late at night, your brain does not know what is happening to others, what is fiction and what is real, if you are watching it your brain will process it as your experience and may 'arouse' your fear or anxiety, even at a subtle level and this will prevent you from letting go to sleep soundly. Keep the bedroom just for sleep, rest and sex - though obviously not in that order!

5.Get some daylight:

We all know that too much exposure to sunlight will make your skin look more leathery and weather worn than your mothers favourite handbag but we do need the sun to help produce vitamin D for healthy bones and general well being. If you find yourself feeling low in mood and depressed as the evenings get darker sooner and there is less daylight you may be prone to SAD ( seasonal affective disorder). You may be waking up in the dark, be stuck in a artificially lit office all day and make your way back to home in the dark.

Get out in the daylight as much as you can especially in the mornings, so walk round the block or park further away so you get the essential daylight to help the production of the feel good hormone serotonin. However make sure that in strong sunlight you wear an appropriate sunscreen every day and sunglasses that block UVA rays. Protecting your eyes from the sun will prevent problems such as cataracts.

6. it's cultured... init..

No don't all rush off to the opera...we are talking yoghurt cultures here. Eating yoghurt that contain 'live' cultures or so called 'friendly bacteria' will help prevents infections such as thrush, cystitis and digestive problems such as bloating. Eat a helping daily and include ginger, papaya and pineapple into your diet. Eat homemade vegetable and miso soups, stew some apples in foil in the oven and eat with live yoghurt and swap fried or battered chip shop fish for steamed or poached fish to help assist the digestive process.

7.Is that glass half full or half empty?

Studies from the Mayo Clinic in the US found that people who had an optimistic outlook on life lived longer and had a more robust immune system than their grumpier counterparts. Counting your blessings or just being grateful about what you do have rather than bemoaning what you don't have also helped create a better and more content outlook on life.

8.Laugh a lot:

Laughter will boost the immune system, release tension, exercise the core muscles, produce natural mood enhancing endorphins to help fight anxiety and depression. Hang around with happy and optimistic people, watch your favourite comedy.

9.Keep it raw:

If you want to stay young and live a lot longer reduce your red meat intake. These concentrated fats and proteins take longer to break down and your digestive system needs a lot more energy to break them down - there is an urban myth that a piece of red meat stays in your system for up to 40 days as your body tires to digest it! Whether this is true or not it can certainly feel like that after a meaty binge!

Also avoid any food that are barbecued or chargrilled as they are deemed 'carcinogenic' ( which means they can cause cancer) Instead, bake, boil or steam foods to help retain their nourishment and eat vegetables and fibre to help assist digestion

10.Eat Breakfast:

This is the most important meal of the day as it will keep blood sugar levels even so that you don't start craving sugary things mid-morning. Porridge made with skimmed or soya milk and a drizzle of honey/sultanas/chopped apple/bananas/blueberries etc, is the ultimate breakfast meal as it is high in fibre, full of vitamins and minerals and will release energy slowly over the morning so that you can go on full of vim and verve till lunch time!
See if you can incorporate some or even one of these over the coming week and I will share more with you next time so that you can defy science and gravity and live a long and healthy life!

Men have feelings too ..... Male and depression

2009-09-22T07:29:36Z

In the UK 25% of all people are affected by metal health issues and about 15% of people will have a severe bout of depression at some time in their lives; however this figure is based on those who seek treatment and there may be many more who remain undiagnosed and therefore untreated.

Left untreated depression can eat away at your self esteem, badly affect your personality, change your behaviour and may threaten the stability of your relationships.

Other symptoms such as obsessive compulsive disorders and panic attacks may also develop.

Women are more likely to turn up at GP surgeries and their symptoms correctly diagnosed - the Diagnostic Manual often cites depression symptoms as such: feeling withdrawn, weepy, feeling helpless, hopelessness etc

Researchers have recently concluded that men rarely present the same symptoms for depression as women, and so very often are misdiagnosed or more worryingly not diagnosed at all.

Generally women are known to 'act in' their depression that is they become withdrawn or inward looking whilst men are now known to generally 'act out' which is that they turn their hurt outwards in the form of aggression or risky self harming behaviours ( drinking, driving too fast )

It appears that male depression presents its self very differently

Are you male and experiencing any of the following?

*You can't make decisions
*You have butterflies in your stomach, anxious feelings, palpitations or sweaty palms, a dry mouth, swallow frequently
*You become easily irritated, impatient and frustrated at the smallest things
*You have difficulty getting off to sleep or if you do get off to sleep but you wake up every night alert and instantly stressing about something and everything
*You feel tired all the time and have a problem getting up in the morning
*You are drinking more than usual / Are you drinking alone
*You drink in the evening and use it to help you fall asleep
*You have difficulty remembering
*You have difficulty concentrating on any more than one thing at a time
*You are verbally sharp and critical sometime aggressive
*You have lashed out either towards another or thrown or smashed things in anger
*Those around you have expressed concern about your behaviour
*You feel bad or guilty if you rest or relax
*You are filled with fears and anxieties about the future
*You may have taken risks with you health - driving too fast or thinking about what you might do to end your life

If you recognise some or many of these symptoms you may be very stressed, if not actually depressed

Depression can start after longstanding stress, major life events and crisis such as births, deaths, divorces, house moves, redundancy, money worries, job promotion/demotion, sexual dysfunction, having an affair, life threatening illness/disorder, major trauma etc In the current challenging climate many more men may be at risk

Our mind body system is robust and meant for dealing with life's trials and tribulations however with our sedentary lifestyles, isolation and alienation from family networks and community, peer pressures and the high expectations from everywhere - globalisation has made the world a much smaller place and the internet brings shed loads of useless information and temptation right into our living rooms.

So you can see how there is pressure to keep up; not just with the Jones but with the whole of the world and all that useless information means our brain never ever switches off. Sound-bite, fast moving TV means that we are continually stimulated and are easily bored with stillness or quiet.

Our body begins to feel 'normal' when our heart is racing, we are moving and on the go constantly and our thoughts are persistent and critical. We never swich off - and thats the problem.

Nathan 50 was recently diagnosed with depression following the death of his mother
'although I became depressed after my mother passed away, I realise now that I had been stressed over various things for a long time. There had been lots of pressures at work, and the possibility of job losses or cut backs were always looming in the background.

There was a change of manager at the beginning of the year and I just couldn't get on with him, I felt continually picked on and when the juicy jobs or opportunities were coming in someone else always got it - I felt sidelined and overlooked. I felt there was no-one to turn to and I even stopped sharing work stuff with my wife.

My mind was racing all the time and I would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and stomach churning thinking of this that and the other. I would only get about two hours of sleep each night. The worst happened when I was driving to work and I broke down in the car and had to ring my wife to take me home as I literally couldn't get out of the car and go through the door at work.

I just remember being shocked when the GP said I had had a nervous breakdown. I was on anti-depressants for a short while but decided to do my own research and made lots of changes in my life; I walked every day for up to an hour, took supplements, joined a yoga class and learnt meditation.

I have realised that my well being is my responsibility and in my hands and that if I'm stable I can meet any challenge in life with a clear head. I also had counselling which helped me to realise that I 'don't do feelings' and how that its really stopped me from fully grieving for my mother.

Being off work gave me the opportunity to think and also to work actively at getting what I need from work; that meant being open and honest about the problems I was having and resolving them with senior managers'

Whilst we may not be able to slow the world down so that we have less stress what we can do is to take simple steps to help soothe the nervous system so that we can think clearly and not be whisked off into the chaos that may be happening around us. We can't stop life happening to us but we can be stable and clear in how we meet those challenges.

Have some form of exercise every day - if you are not a gym bunny then brisk walking every day for 45 minutes is ideal

Learn and practice daily meditation - you don't have to shave your head and become a yogi but extensive research shows that the most powerful way to steady the nerves is to practice mindfulness every day - this is just being present, in the here and now - so if you are eating don't wolf it down whilst watching TV but really look, take in the aroma and fully taste the food.

Use your breath - see previous blog for this but briefly stopping to take five deep breaths during you day acts as a powerful aid in putting you 'into your body' and in the now

We service and maintain our cars regularly but not our selves - so whether you feel you need it or not book a once monthly treat in your diary - aromatherapy massage, reflexology, Reiki healing session, etc are wonderful ways of helping lower stress hormone cortisol levels in your body

Talking really helps - if there is a long standing issue counselling can really help to getting rid of old ways of thinking, old patterns and sadness from the past. New mind/body energy therapies such as EMDR AND EFT can help dislodge long held traumas, phobias and emotional pain. ( contact me if interested)

We are social creatures and one of the first things to go when we are depressed is our contact with others - so make time for your friends and confide in loved ones, as they will often be the first ones to notice that there is something wrong
( If you have been prescribed medication please carry on taking then and work in close communication with your GP but make sure you create the lifestyle changes in order to take control of your life.

Control your blood pressure

2009-08-19T11:40:47Z

I have blogged about the power of breath work before in helping to reduce anxiety, clear the mind and help focus attention and awareness. I recently came across some research about the use and the control of breath to help lower blood pressure

What is blood pressure?

It is estimated that well over 17 million people in the UK have high blood pressure ( hypertension) with the experts predicting that by year 2025 one in three people will have hypertension

Higher blood pressure occurs when the smaller vessels become narrower and constricted resulting in high blood pressure - it has often been likened to squeezing a garden hosepipe. With raised blood pressure there is a greater increase in the likelihood of narrowed arteries and the resulting higher incidence of heart disease and strokes .

Although no one single cause is implicated; being overweight, too little potassium and calcium and too much salt in the diet, lack of exercise, prolonged stress , whether the liver and the kidneys are functioning normally, alcohol abuse and some genetic factors may cause high blood pressure.

Some of the following symptoms may accompany high blood pressure:
Frequent nose bleeds, dizziness especially when bending down, headaches or feeling heavy or full in the head, palpitations or an altering in the heart beat, swollen legs and feet, unnatural tiredness, unusual aches and pain, uncharacteristic irritability, frequency of urination ( either more or less than usual)
Many people are often unaware that they have raised blood pressure as symptoms are often subtle or may explained away as something else.
The best way to find out your blood pressure reading is to have a test, this is where the cuff is placed around your upper arm and the GP takes a reading. However what has become apparent over the years is the 'white coat anxiety' which gives an inaccurate reading.

Studies found that these readings need to be taken over 10 - 15 minutes apart and that three readings are taken, with the last one being the most likely to be accurate.
You are more likely to get an accurate reading if the tests are conducted first thing in the morning (what's called the fundamental ) this can be done easily now as home kits are available at relatively low cost from most chemists.

Take the reading as soon as you get out of bed even before going to the bathroom or having a cup of tea!
The reading is usually shown as two numbers, such as 149/90. The top figure is the systolic pressure measured when the heart is pumping and the lower figure is diastolic pressure, when the heart is relaxed. High blood pressure is when the top reading is 140 or over and the lower reading is 90 or above

Whilst your GP may prescribe medication for very high blood pressure, the best advice is to make lifestyle changes to help lower the pressure.
The obvious changes are to lose weight, exercise ( brisk walking having been shown to have the best results for this condition - although remember to always take medical advice before you start and take it slowly

In 2005 at Rush University in California and University of Florida trials where patients with high blood pressure who were taking medications were taught a breathing technique for just 45 minutes weekly to help lower both blood pressure and heart rate.
This rhythmic breathing exercise is easy to learn and is very beneficial, not just for hypertension but also to help reduce anxiety and panic.

It works by relaxing and widening the muscles surrounding the small blood vessels thereby allowing the blood to flow much more freely and lowering the pressure. Furthermore the breathing is becomes slower and the cumulative effect of the exercise over time benefits cardio vascular health

Try this exercise yourself
Do this for 15 minutes three times a week
Whilst lying down
Inhale for 6 seconds
Hold for 3 seconds
Exhale for 12 seconds
Hold for 3 seconds
And so on

If you have hypertension or suspect you do, always consult your GP before making any lifestyle changes and never stop taking prescribed medications without first consulting your GP

Deep breaths ... and lower your blood pressure

2009-08-01T19:42:34Z

I have blogged about the power of breath work before in helping to reduce anxiety, clear the mind and help focus attention and awareness.
I recently came across some research about the use and the control of breath to help lower blood pressure

What is blood pressure?
It is estimated that well over 17 million people in the UK have high blood pressure ( hypertension) with the experts predicting that by year 2025 one in three people will have hypertension.
Higher blood pressure occurs when the smaller vessels become narrower and constricted resulting in high blood pressure - it has often been likened to squeezing a garden hosepipe. With raised blood pressure there is a greater increase in the likelihood of narrowed arteries and the resulting higher incidence of heart disease and strokes .
Although no one single cause is implicated; being overweight, too little potassium and calcium and too much salt in the diet, lack of exercise, prolonged stress , whether the liver and the kidneys are functioning normally, alcohol abuse and some genetic factors may cause high blood pressure.

Some of the following symptoms may accompany high blood pressure:
Frequent nose bleeds, dizziness especially when bending down, headaches or feeling heavy or full in the head, palpitations or an altering in the heart beat, swollen legs and feet, unnatural tiredness, unusual aches and pain, uncharacteristic irritability, frequency of urination ( either more or less than usual) Many people are often unaware that they have raised blood pressure as symptoms are often subtle or may explained away as something else.
The best way to find out your blood pressure reading is to have a test. This is where the cuff is placed around your upper arm and the GP takes a reading.
However, what has become apparent over the years is the 'white coat anxiety' which gives an inaccurate reading. Studies found that these readings need to be taken over 10 - 15 minutes apart and that three readings are taken, with the last one being the most likely to be accurate.
You are more likely to get an accurate reading if the tests are conducted first thing in the morning (what's called the fundamental ) this can be done easily now as home kits are available at relatively low cost from most chemists. Take the reading as soon as you get out of bed even before going to the bathroom or having a cup of tea!

The reading is usually shown as two numbers, such as 149/90. The top figure is the systolic pressure measured when the heart is pumping and the lower figure is diastolic pressure, when the heart is relaxed. High blood pressure is when the top reading is 140 or over and the lower reading is 90 or above.
Whilst your GP may prescribe medication for very high blood pressure, the best advice is to make lifestyle changes to help lower the pressure.
The obvious changes are to lose weight, exercise ( brisk walking having been shown to have the best results for this condition - although remember to always take medical advice before you start and take it slowly.
In 2005 at Rush University in California and University of Florida trials where patients with high blood pressure who were taking medications were taught a breathing technique for just 45 minutes weekly to help lower both blood pressure and heart rate.
This rhythmic breathing exercise is easy to learn and is very beneficial, not just for hypertension but also to help reduce anxiety and panic.
It works by relaxing and widening the muscles surrounding the small blood vessels thereby allowing the blood to flow much more freely and lowering the pressure.
Furthermore the breathing is becomes slower and the cumulative effect of the exercise over time benefits cardio vascular health

Try this exercise yourself
Do this for 15 minutes three times a week
Whilst lying down
Inhale for 6 seconds
Hold for 3 seconds
Exhale for 12 seconds
Hold for 3 seconds
And so on

If you have hypertension or suspect you do, always consult your GP before making any lifestyle changes and never stop taking prescribed medications without first consulting your GP

Spring clean your skin by taking a Soak

2009-05-16T16:03:29Z

Now that we have seen a few glimpses of the sun we can be assured that summer is well on its way and we need to take our skin out of hibernation and spruce it up ready for others to see and admire!

There is no need to book yourself into an expensive spa for treatments, instead create a spa on your day off where you can spend the day scrubbing, exfoliating and plumping up the skin as well as de-stressing and indulging in long overdue 'me' time.
All the ingredients we are going to use you can find in your cupboard or buy quite cheaply.

Soak Away Your Stress

One of the first things to do and get into a regular routine doing is to take long, once weekly baths.

These soaks should last at least 30 minutes once a week or if you have skin conditions such as eczema or psoriasis then more frequently would be ideal.

Purchase some Dead Sea Salts from the chemist, these originate from The Dead Sea, of course and have long been well known for their healing and restorative powers.

These contain high levels of minerals and small quantities will enter the body through the pores. The salts help to dissolve the surface dead cells which accumulate on the surface of the skin. This eliminates the body's waste and smoothes and refreshes the skin.

Regular salt baths can be incredibly beneficial for the whole body system; the potassium will help with blood and lymphatic drainage and regulate the fluid balance in the body.

Another mineral in the salts is bromide which restores, calms and soothes the nervous system. Gentle detoxification occurs and there is a reduction in fluid retention. Most useful of all salt baths can assist in reducing anxiety and stress and thereby promote deeper sleep patterns.

Before you fill the bath and add the salt do remember to first have a quick shower - you don't want to be sitting in your own dirt! Make sure you have not waxed or shaved beforehand as it will sting! Also make sure the water is warm but not too hot as this will stimulate and dehydrate rather than calming you

Soak for 30 minutes or more and if the water starts to cool just add some more hot water. Just close your eyes and drift off!

Afterwards you don't need to rinse off as the salts remaining on your skin overnight will be beneficial

Wear some warm pyjamas and crawl into a warm bed and you can be assured of a restful sleep. If you have bathed in the morning, make it a relaxing day and try not to do anything too strenuous such as going for a jog as your body will want to be resting after the soak.

Make these soaks a regular thing and you will reap the benefits for both mind and body. It is said that the weightlessness experienced when in a bath triggers off the 'relax' reflex in the brain as it reminds us of the weightless feeling of being safely enchased in the womb!

Dead Sea Salts for Your Mouth

Keep a supply of finely ground salts in a big glass jar in your bathroom
Every day after brushing your teeth, flossing and scraping your tongue clean, add a pinch of salt to half a glass of warm water and gargle to keep you throat and moth clear of infections. You can also dip a wet finger into the salt and then scrub your gums with the salted finger, rinse your mouth afterwards. This will leave your mouth refreshed and invigorated!

Tips for health and well being

2009-04-03T14:08:30Z

The new beginnings and resolutions of the New Year may now be but a dim and distant memory so here are some short and sweet reminders to incorporate into your everyday life to keep you going:

Drink lots of water:

When we are advised to drink this many litres of water a day, just that thought can be overwhelming and daunting. So lets make it simpler and more real. If you drink a tumbler full of filtered water, one for every hour that you are awake, whether that is in diluted juices, water or herbal teas, it will keep you hydrated.

Always remember that when you feel thirsty you are at that point actually dehydrated! Lack of water is energy sapping, can be detrimental to all bodily functions and lead to problems such as constipation, dry skin, headaches and lack of concentration.

You can also be hydrated by eating juicy fruits and vegetables - just try a big slice of juicy water melon in the summer. Bottled mineral water is great too but steer clear of the fizzy variety.

Drinking fluids in between your meals rather than with your food as the water or drinks will interfere with the absorption of the nutrients (especially if you drink tea with your food as it stops the absorption of iron)and upset the digestive process.

First thing in the morning make a mug full of hot water with a squeeze of half a lemon and sip slowly, this help to flush out the mucous build up in the intestines and get things moving!

Sit by a window which looks onto trees or the garden. Just take a few moments before the rush starts to centre and steady yourself.

Eat slowly:

Most of us eat at break neck speed, disconnected from the process of eating. Savour the flavours, textures and taste. Treat this process, of hunger and eating with respect as it is fundamental to your good health and survival. Even if you are rushed always make time to stop what you are doing ( on the PC, watching TV, reading etc) and concentrate fully on eating.

Your digestive process takes a lot of energy so it is important to allow yourself some rest afterwards or just slow down a little and don't do anything strenuous after your meal.

Eat little and often and avoid gut busting meals as they place a huge burden on the digestive process. Blood sugar levels remain more stable when you eat smaller meals and help your body cope better with stress as it reduces the burden on the adrenal glands.

Avoid too many stimulants such as coffee and tea and depressants such as alcohol as they will give you blood sugar level highs and lows, leave you dehydrated, nervy and jittery. Instead try caffeine free coffee substitutes.

Always, Always eat breakfast:

A good breakfast sets you up for the day, fuels your body after the 'fast' during the night. Porridge oats provide sustained energy and essential nutrients needed to fuel your day and keep you calm and stress free. Make the porridge with soya or skimmed milk, add honey and finish off with fresh fruits on top.

Learn to cook:

Many young adults cannot cook a meal from scratch. Processed and ready- made meals, though convenient are packed full of additives, sugars and salt. As well as beneficial for your health, you will also be saving money and discovering the joy and sense of achievement when you cook and then share a well cooked meal. Invite a friend to share in your new skill or get together and share the cooking.

So, take responsibility for your own health, you just have this one body for the rest of your life so you might as well look after it!

Just another bad hair life....

2009-03-11T07:43:42Z

Hair is a vital and symbolic aspect of both our conscious and unconscious lives. Beautiful hair denotes vitality, sensuality, health and sexual potency. For both men and women who lose their hair there can be a sense of deprivation of their life force.

Think of the mighty Samson who fell to his knees when Delilah took the sheers to his mane or the traditional cultures that require women to cover their hair in case men are bewitched by it. In some cultures loose hair denotes loose morals. In the Sikh religion hair has a divine significance and a sense of group and religious identity and kinship.

During the witch hunts in the Middle Ages, women's heads were shaved to render them powerless and during times or conflict and war in the last century women who were deemed 'traitors' for mixing with the enemy were shaved and paraded through the streets to shame them and mark them out as outcasts.

In recent years a lot of attention has been given to the various self harming disorders often characterised by the compulsive urge to cut or harm self.

Trichotillomania, ( where there is an irresistible urge to pull out ones hair, from the scalp and or eyelashes, eyebrows, beard; an increase of tension in the ind and body as the person tries to resist the urge to pull and then gratification or even pleasure as the hair is pulled out ) which falls into the same spectrum as self harm and obsessive compulsive disorders has received little attention even though early estimates indicate that some 2% of the population may suffer.

Research in the USA, found that this is a very shaming disorder more so as there may be visible hair loss and because alongside the disorder there may also be some form of depression, anxiety or an obsessive compulsive disorder as well.

Many of those who 'pull' start in their teenage years often due to some upheaval such as stress at school or conflict at home although there are incidents of those who start just because they were 'bored'

Most mammals have 'grooming habits'; we all touch, play with and fiddle with our hair.

Some babies touch and even suck strands of their hair as they fall asleep and research suggests that there may be 'over grooming' in those who pull.

Over thime the area pulled from become de-sensitised and there is often no pain upon pulling if anything there is often relief and pleasure as endorphins are released.

The habit over time becomes identified and associated with calming the person down - so in times of stress there will be an automatic need and urge to pull.

In research 'hair pullers' have been found to have low self esteem, experience shame and secrecy as they try to struggle to stop pulling and then hide the damage from others.

Many have stated that they felt their whole lives had been destroyed by this disorder as it meant they did not go for promotion or form close relationships with others for fear of being 'found out'

Recovery:
Recovery is more complex than something like smoking where you can 'stay away' from the cigarettes. Your body is always with you. However for ay recovery, getting to know the triggers are the key. So find out when you are most likely to pull, do you sit in a particular position on the sofa, reach with a particular hand, when alone, a certain mood you are in; bored, upset, angry, agitated, under pressure?

Many pullers also have hand and mouth behaviours with the hair, many will search for hours often for just the 'right' hair to pull and then play with the hair through licking or examining it. So others ways of sensitising the fingers and mouth will be needed to replace the old habits.

Some find playing with a rubber koosh ball very helpful. At a deeper level understand the nature of the stress you face and may have had to deal with in the earlier years is also needed. Alternative ways of dealing with your feelings and the stress you face need to be developed and more than all of this the damage over the years to your self esteem needs to be repaired.

Contact me for assistance on recovery so email me on : leaptraining@aol.com
Go onto the Trichotillomania Learning Center website for more info on research www.trich.org

New Year.....New You!

2009-02-06T12:57:07Z

How to achieve more energy, vitality and a put a New Year bounce in your step

If you are feeling slightly drained, jaded and disillusioned after the seasonal festivities and gloomy about the state of the economy fear not, here are some simple and natural tips to put the bounce and energy back into your life and keep the winter blues at bay....and all at very little cost, in fact you have everything to gain....

Don't just wish it....do it!
Researchers have found consistently that people who write down their goals and New Years Resolutions are more likely to achieve them than those who just think or talk about them. So in the first few days of the New Year, find a quiet space, some nice writing paper and write down your goals. Remember that these must be specific, realistic and achievable otherwise your subconscious mind will not accept them. Also they must be written as if it has already happened. So rather than 'I want to be happy and healthy' you should write 'I am so happy and grateful now that I practice half hour yoga every day - I am my perfect weight - 9st and feel full of vitality and energy'
Write goals for every aspect of your life that you want to change; relationship, work, lifestyle, health etc and put the paper in a prominent space in your bedroom, on a wall perhaps where you are likely to see it every day. This will help to keep the goal uppermost in your conscious mind so that the subconscious mind can go about creating everything for you.

Most of us will have some wish to be slimmer or to lose weight but recent research points to more than just a bad relationship with food that can create the bulges around the tummy.

Fear and Stress may be making you fat!
No this is not another excuse but research shows that prolonged fear and anxiety not only wreaks havoc on your mental and emotional health but can also pile on the pounds around the middle of the body - this is the worst place for you to have fat not just that its hard to belt up the jeans but because this is 'visceral fat' which is around the internal organs and therefore dangerous for your health as it affects your metabolism, and disturbs blood sugar and cholesterol levels.

When you are anxious sometimes even at the smallest thought such as 'are the kids safe walking from home in the dark?' or being in a panic about being late for an appointment your body goes in the primitive 'fight/flight mode'. Now we do need this response when we have to jump out of the way of a speeding car or when our ancestors hunted for the woolly mammoth but to be constantly in this mode sends the adrenal glands into overload and the stress hormone cortisol alters the fat storage in your body. If you learn to manage your stress you may become naturally slimmer and healthier, so here are some tips to help you de-stress:

Take five deep breaths - when things get too much for you always 'centre' yourself by taking your attention to your breath. Take in five deep breaths shutting out the world as you close your eyes and visualise your breath going in and out of your body.

Take time to Visualise and Relaaaaxxxxx - we all daydream but in creative visualisation you imagine the chosen scene so vividly that it actually benefits your brain chemistry, mood and well being. Your brain is so powerful that it cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined. Practiced for 15 minutes daily it is equivalent to two hours of sleep and can lower blood pressure, reduce anxiety and help control pain. Find a quite space and escape:

1. simply close your eyes and take your awareness to your breathing - take five deep breaths.
2. imagine you are in a beautiful place - an actual holiday you have been to or imagined
3. use all your sense to conjure up the scene, the smell, the heat, the aroma, the ice in the glass of the tall drink in your hand, the perfume of the sun tan lotion on your arms, the sound of the sea....
4. imagine as long as you like, taking in all the details and then bring yourself back and have a good stretch
5. practice every day
( see visualisation)

Put things into perspective - studies at the Mayo Clinic found that people who had an optimistic outlook on life and were 'grateful' lived longer, had a better immune system and were more content than their grumpier counterparts. To practice gratitude: at the end of each day look back and think of five things you were grateful for that day, it can be something small like seeing a beautiful sunset or sharing a laugh with your work colleagues. Practice this every day and you will begin to see the miracles that are happening to you every day.

Never, ever miss breakfast - this is the most important meal of the day and if there is one habit that you acquire this New Year - let it be this one
Researchers have found that people who regularly ate breakfast had better overall health and were slimmer than those who skipped breakfast! Also your blood sugar levels are stabilised after breakfast so you are less likely to gorge on sugary snacks, have mood swings and feel depleted of energy mid morning.
There is nothing better than a good hearty breakfast to set you up nicely for the day and keep your energy levels boosted and no, we're not talking greasy spoon fry ups, sugary cereals, but porridge made with skimmed or soya milk with added fresh pieces of fruit, nuts, raisins or honey for sweetness or try a boiled egg on some wholemeal toast. Even if you have no time to stop at all, grab a banana, an apple and a handful of grapes.

Walk every day - a study conducted at University of Michigan found that going for a walk in the park for an hour was not only great for physical health but also boosted memory and concentration levels. The research also found that walking 'in nature' was more beneficial than walking in the gym on a treadmill or on the busy streets. The theory here is that walking in the countryside creates a restorative response in the mind and helps us to switch off.

It's all about love ...nurture your friendships - having people love and care for you whether it is a partner, parents, sisters or friends. We all need at least one person whom we can be all of our true self with - warts and all - they know our deepest darkest secrets but still love and regard us. Friendships need time, nurturing and attention, so consciously create space in your life to meet up with your loved ones.

Deal with it or let it go - harbouring anger, resentment and grudges towards another can wreak havoc on your mind/body system. If you are angry with someone either challenge it assertively or let it go. Holding on to grudges harms only you. Forgiveness is not to condone or accept someone's behaviour its to release you self from the hurt
Hydrate your body - most of us are walking around everyday dehydrated - symptoms can be headaches, skin problems, constipation and fatigue. Drink up to one tumbler of filtered water for every hour that you are awake.

Get enough good quality sleep -lack of sleep has been shown to increase stress, reduce work performance and concentration, lower immunity and long term may lead to depressive disorders and increase fat around the middle.
At least eight hours of deep REM ( dream) good quality sleep is essential for health,
helping to boost immunity and is one the best ways to look younger. Health guru Deepak Chopra insists that an evening meal should be light and be eaten before 7 pm. You will not digest a heavy meal once you are asleep and a loaded stomach will keep you awake most of the night! Make sure you finish any work at least an hour before bedtime to avoid over-stimulating the brain (and try not to have a TV in your bedroom as watching fast paced programmes, the news or horror films will switch on your fear response.
Stay off tea, coffee and alcoholic drinks in the evening as they will stimulate rather than sedate!

Satisfying love life - releases endorphins and reduces anxiety, it also releases the hormone oxytocin which bonds you to your partner and gives you that loved up feeling! Even hugging someone lowers stress hormones and helps nurture good feelings and trust.

Open your bowels regularly - drink a mug of hot water with the juice of half a lemon first thing in the morning to kick- start a sluggish system and get waste matter moving

Watch comedy films and laugh out loud - good belly laugh will also give your stomach muscles a good work out, tone the muscles in your face and make your eyes shine it also boosts your immune system and produces mood - enhancing chemicals in the body that can help lift depression.
Eat good oils - oily fish, avocados, munch nuts and seeds and take supplements

Give up dieting!
When you starve yourself your body goes into stress and 'famine' mode and the next time you eat your body will 'hang on' to the fat for fear of another famine!

Make time to eat
Cultures such as the French and Italians where food is seen as a way of life and a pleasure rather than 'the enemy' are often shocked at the British attitude to food. They eat and drink more than us and yet have none of the issues with obesity and binge drinking. Make time to eat, never eat whilst walking ( yes really!) and rather than relying on sugar and salt laden ready meals, buy a basic cook book and learn to cook quick and easy stir-frys, wholesome meals, and tasty cakes then invite friends and bring the joy back into eating.

Feed your spirit - according to Age Research Centre in the US people who had a faith were found to be more content, less stressed, less isolated and live healthier and longer. Faith can create a sense of meaning and purpose to life. You don't need to follow a particular religion or believe in God to practice this, just a feeling that you are connected lovingly to others and nature is enough to give create solace and reassurance. Develop a spiritual practice that helps centre you, creates 'flow' completely absorbs such as learning to meditate, tai chi, yoga etc to feel connected to yourself and the world around you.

Never ever become bored with life! - as human being we have an innate curiosity about the world around us - just observe the joy on a child's face at seeing something new. To foster this sense of wonder and awe at the world create opportunities for yourself where you will be learning a new skills, take a risk by coming out of your comfort zones to perhaps travelling to a place you have never been to before or learning a new skill such as a language. Whatever you do, just keep stretching and challenging your mind and feel the joy of achievement.

You may not be able to incorporate all of these into your new life but even if you change one aspect of your life the benefits will be amazing.

Manjit Kaur Ubhi is an accredited holistic therapist, training consultant in human potential development and freelance writer. She has produced and presented a Health and Well-being on Sky TV
Email: leaptraining@aol.com

Ohhh the lurgy.....

2009-01-13T09:21:36Z

This is the time of year when many of us seem to be coming down with colds and flu.
Here are some tips to help you to boost your immune system to protect yourself:

Warm Drinks:

Hot water with a teaspoon of honey (to soothe your sore throat), a squeeze of lemon ( to provide vitamin C and detox the body) and a couple of slivers of fresh ginger root ( to help fight infection, remove catarrh and deal with nausea) will work wonders.

Soothe, calm and warm your body with hot drinks throughout the day.

Your lymphatic system helps to collect and drain bacteria and viruses from the bloodstream and filters them out from the lymph nodes. When your body is fighting an infection the lymph nodes under your ears may swell up. Support your body to drain an overloaded lymphatic system by drinking warm water.

Eat Light Meals:

You may be off the food anyway and that is natures way of keeping your system clear to help fight infection and stress rather than using energy to digest a heavy meal. When poorly eat very light but often to keep your energy up. Homemade soups are best (not the creamy variety though as the dairy produce in those may create more phlegm).

Zzzzzzzzzz:

You may want to do this anyway when ill but if you have trouble nodding off because of the symptoms try inhaling some drops of lavender aromatherapy oil on a hanky or put into a bathwater you can soak in before bedtime. Avoid tea and coffee in the 1 latter part of the day and don't watch scary films or the news in the evening as the increase in adrenaline and fear will arouse you too much and stop you from relaxing and falling off to sleep.

Immune boosting supplements:

If you think that gulping down jugs of orange juice will stave off a cold think again:
if your immune system is low or you are run down anyway no amount of vitamin C will help. Instead take a good multivitamin and mineral supplement all year round.

De-stress: Exercise:

Research has shown that ongoing stress can have a detrimental effect on the immune system. Whilst we may not be able to changes or stop the challenges that life presents to us we can take steps to soothe and calm the nervous system. You may not want to hear the dirty 'E' word but exercise will really enhance your immune strength. You don't have to go the gym but regular walks even in cold weather ( wrap up warm with hats and scarves ) will help to increase endorphins and make you feel calm and restored. Research shows that those taking 30minutes of moderate activity a day ( walking, dancing ) had 35 per cent less chance of catching a cold

De-stress: Meditation

If there is one tip that you incorporate into your daily life from here, let it be this because meditation has been shown again and again to be the most powerful way to soothe both mind and body.

A recent study showed those who took up meditation following a flu vaccine had more antibodies in their system than those who did not meditate. More than this meditation can reduce blood pressure and help fight heart disease. It can also help lift your mood, release tension, let go of small frustrations and anxieties and give you an overall positive outlook on life.

All you really need is 5 to 10 minutes every day, just sit in a quiet space, bring your attention to your breath, take in five deep breaths and focus on yourself, you could count down from 100 backwards or you can say a calming word like 'calm' over and over again like a mantra or just put on a relaxing or classical music CD and drift off.

Conflict at home or at work:

You may not think its possible but if you are in conflict in your relationship or at work your immune system may be suffering. Inability to speak your mind, express yourself or to be heard have a profound effect on the mind/body system. Research shows that being able to communicate and express your self has an immediate effect on the increase of infection fighting cells in the body. Speak to a couples counsellor if there is a communication problem in your relationship.
Learn assertiveness skills to tackle issues at work. Speak to supportive colleagues and inform yourself of your legal rights at work. If you are being bullied seek professional help.

Loving friends and laughter:

One of the best ways to boost your immunity immediately is to be happy! So get together with friends on a regular basis and watch your favourite comedy film or comedian. Laughter releases endorphins, increases antibodies and exercises the core muscles in your stomach area. It also helps release tension from the chest, gives the face muscles a workout and helps you to feels 'safe' and connected.

Gut reaction:

When I was a little girl when my father used to say ' the root of all ill health is in an unhealthy gut' I would roll my eyes and think ' what does he know?'
Well I now know he knew a lot! The main part of the lymphatic system lies in the guts. An unhealthy diet, sluggish bowel movements and constipation can lead overall to a sluggish system. So eat healthy, whole foods, learn to cook from scratch, share long, leisurely meals with friends, and be happy!

And finally....Hug someone!

Obviously not too much of this when you do actually have the flu or cold but on a regular basis it is in your interest to become a 'touchy feely person' as the act of hugging has been shown to lift mood, increase immune function and
give a sense of feeling connected and at ease in the world.

Are your children really home alone?

2008-12-19T12:14:13Z

One of my friends recently discovered that her teenage daughter had set up a meeting with a 'boy' she had befriended on one of those internet chat sites. It transpired, when my friend intervened and rang the 'boy' that he was in fact a 35 year old man who was then insisted that he had done nothing wrong and that it was the girl who had 'done all the chasing'.

Many parents who have no choice but to work fulltime hours, millions of teenage children head home each day at the end of school and may be spending upto three hours alone until one or both parents are home; even then most are then too busy cooking, helping younger ones with home work and generally too busy to give undivided attention or to fully supervise their teenagers.

Most parents do not question that firstly their child needs their internet for homework and secondly that they then have these in their bedrooms. What this create is a sense of ease in parents' mind that their children are doing 'homework' and also keeping off the streets. Unbeknown to them their children may be more in danger in their own bedrooms than they ever were hanging round street corners.

Whilst many children may be adult enough to navigate the health and safety issues and not set the house on fire or run around with sharp knives; the minefield that is the internet includes violent video games, internet porn, alcohol, drugs, chat rooms and most insidious of all, loneliness.

Research reveals children as young as 11 years old felt lonely, worried, upset and sad.
The majority watched TV and went online. In April 2005 a government study found that one in ten teenagers go online to view pornography and also chatting with friends on the chat lines. Experts believe that they have evidence of paedophiles flocking to the chat rooms during the afternoons to take advantage of the children logging on to chat online.

Studies from US show worrying trends when children are left unsupervised or have to fend for themselves. They are more likely to end up smoking, taking drugs, drinking alcohol or have sex at a younger age.

The Joseph Rowntree Foundation found that 99% of 14 year olds drink heavily when unsupervised.

The latchkey experience is not all doom and gloom, research does also reveal that these children grow up with a sense of responsibility, many learn skills in cooking, doing household chores and helping younger brothers and sisters with homework as well as getting on with their own work.

Recent Government initiatives promise that schools will care for children from 8am till 6pm every weekday and during the holidays by 2010, with recreational opportunities as well as help with homework.

Experts advise keeping the PC out of the children's bedroom, make sure it is in the family space where an adult can supervise or at least be vigilant.
Keep an open dialogue with your children about the friends they meet and chat to on the chat lines. If you nag, shame and shout at children they will just become secretive.

Children learn by example, if you get drunk often and yet expect them to behave differently they may lose respect for you. There is always a danger that when they lose that respect for you they are more likely to confide in a friends and peers than in you.

If you children do have to be left home alone make sure you call them on the telephone regularly to reassure them.

When you do get time with your children, make sure you create the opportunity to give them your undivided attention rather than busying yourself with other chores in the house.

Many employers are able to offer flexible working for those with school age children.
Many children have a great deal of excess energy in their body ( hormones etc! ) and this energy needs to be expended through exercise and 'movement'. Unfortunately our sedentary lifestyles and lesser sports activities at school has meant very few children get the exercise they need. Create family outings such as walks to the local woods at the weekend or get them to help walk the dog or to help out walking a neighbours dog.

Love is all we need

2008-12-04T13:24:13Z

Well, here comes Christmas and the New Year festivities and for families, a time of joy, high expectations and celebration but also for many a time of upheaval and strife; often a culmination of held in tensions and angst over the year, unleashed often on Boxing Day or a day or so into the New Year.

Relationships are often pushed to their limits, with solicitors reporting the post Christmas period as their busiest as the enforced togetherness creates the 'cabin fever' necessary to tear apart even the cosiest of pairings.

So what can we start doing now to initiate a more meaningful connection with our beloved?

Yes most of us do live our relationships at a surface level and get connected at the physical levels - such as through sex, renting a house together, raising children together and getting along with each others families or what author Maggie Whitehouse calls our 'tribes'. We watch our parents and the parents of others and TV soaps and come to a rudimentary acceptance or conclusion of what constitutes a relationship.

Love and Tantra Workshop facilitators Joginder and Marketta who are based in Birmingham state that it is often easier to connect at the physical level with our mates but that most of us yearn for the deeper 'heart connection' - we know there is more to love and we want more but then we replace our partner, whom we may have become disgruntled with, for a newer model, only to be even further disappointed once the honeymoon period has worn off.

Osho, legendary teacher and guru believed that when two people marry it is effectively the death of the relationship because they stop trying, they stop thinking, they stop being spontaneous, they start to take each other for granted, things become habitual and they switch off.

Lets get to the basics - you don't need a degree in quantum physics to be able to have sex, even animals do it, it's a survival of the species instinct and our mind-body system is set up to help us to mate successfully, even if we are not in love or care for the other person.

Apart from monkeys, we are the only beings in nature who mate for pleasure (as well as for babies of course! I'm sure it won't surprise you that most of the population arrive onto the planet as a result of 'accidents' occurring during pleasure sex!).

Most of us have grown up with all sorts of hang ups and sometimes contradictory conditioning about sex - from parents, our religion, our peers and the media. Some people may have had a traumatic experience that may make them unable to connect deeply with another in adult life or some may have been caught, either in solo activity or with someone else. For many sex and masturbation were seen as 'dirty'

As these issues can sometimes rob you of a harmonious love life it is very healthy to seek psychological support such as therapy or counselling to help deal with these before they start to contaminate your relationship

Joginder states that the key to harmonious love and sex is to:
Always see your partner as if you are seeing them for the first time - familiarity and routine is the death knell for any relationship- so being in the moment or very present to your partner is a must. In order to achieve this you must let go of 'this works for her/him' and meet each sexual or love encounter as if it is happening for the first time

Always have what's called 'conscious sex' (yes you know what I mean; no more stumbling in the bedroom completely drunk and in the morning wondering what or whom you've slept with!) at times it may feel as if sexual urges are an itch that you just have to scratch in any way possible but make sure you don't dishonour your partner in doing so - quickies are fine as long as you both are okay with them.

Always see love and sex as a sacred act and as an expression of joy and love for yourself and the other

The spark and fire of love is ignited in the day to day life that you have with your partner so don't expect her to jump lovingly into bed with you if you treat her in a disrespectful manner during the day.

Marketta remarks Tantra teaches that the key is always about being equal, respectful and kind to your partner - in an esoteric sense to 'embrace the divinity' within each other.

One of the most beautiful Tantra practices is to put your hands in prayer position and bow to your partner and give her/him a single flower and accept the flower that they give you. This sets the scene for mutual openness and ignites the love energy within you both (makes you horney or it may make you laugh which is just as good!)

When connecting see your partner as if you are seeing them for the first time; with that same desire, intrigue, lust, love, anticipation, flirtation and play

Tantra teaches about communicating openly during sex about what you want and what turns you on. Communicating and ability to talk about sex and love outside the bedroom is also required to help increase the intimacy.

However this level of honesty and openness can only happen if each person has good self esteem. Some people may be embarrassed and perhaps even fear that some of their needs may be odd or not acceptable.

Many men who are introduced to sex through porn often are at a loss when they realise that majority of women reach orgasm through non-penetrative sex!
In this case a woman who is sure and comfortable with her own body can gently teach her man what to do; always without denting his ego too much of course!

Also connecting, being fully present, so that nothing else exists for you both whilst you are together. Love is all about play, seduction and the joy of what your mind/body/spirit is capable of achieving so use all the senses so that there is face to face talking, use taste, smell, look, eye contact, sounds to all add to raising the energy required to increase the desire and to then be able to completely let go and surrender to your partner and the orgasm.

Be receptive to each other, be kind, take the risk to lower your defences and be fully 'unmasked' with your partner, Osho states that if you are secure in yourself you can take the risk to be fully vulnerable with the other because you know that if you are betrayed or hurt it does not really matter, you will be fine. The issue is that in taking the risk you avail yourself to the possibility of being deeply, deeply loved.

In Tantra, your joy, your security, your ease starts with you; you cannot wait or blame someone else for your happiness or misery. Marketta remarks that at any given time 'we are always with the perfect partner for that time' and it is for us to look for the lessons in the relationship we find ourselves in. if you feel disconnected from your loved one ask yourself what may be going on in you that may be creating the issues in your relationship.

Relationships are dynamic and always changing. There are always challenges along the way, from work commitments, to additions to the family such as children or losses such as bereavement.

All these will have an impact, nothing ever remains the same.
Tantra teaches that rather than being fearful of change and upheavals open up to it and communicate.

Surviving hardship and difficulties can forge a powerful bond ensuring commitment, loyalty, shared goals and shouldering responsibilities.
However in the daily drudge of daily life your love and sex connection can be 'put on the back burner' and many relationships have died as a result of losing this connection. Joginder advises making a date in your diary for love sessions. The planning, the wait, the build up in anticipation stokes the fires of passion!

What Men Want: to be admired, valued, seen as being the best ever, thrill of the chase, play, to be worshiped, teased, feel they have satisfied their partner, seduced, take charge, to be taken care of, be passive/dominant, feel amazing when their partner is able to completely let go with them, feel respected, heard, listened to, they are visual, so get that Ann Summers baby doll night dress now!

What Women Want: to be supported, admired, made to feel special, engaged with their mind, given total attention, worshiped, may want gentle and rough play, appreciated, held, made to feel safe and protected, seduced, seducing, be passive/dominant, feel respected, heard, listened to

Position of the Week: both lying on your side, face to face, him between her legs
(missionary position but on your sides) this give access to all the erogenous zones, all the senses and you can have intimate chatter.

Joginer and Marketta hold workshops for singles and couples in Birmingham from Dec 2008

Contact them on : www.moseleyholisticcentre.co.uk
0121 449 4086

Winter blues halts tantra techniques

2008-11-25T21:22:31Z

Well I had intended to write further about the love and tantra workshops run by a beautiful couple I met a few weeks ago ( Joginder and Marketta ) but that will have to wait as I have been surprised by the number of people I know who are complaining about how the dark evenings, shorter days, changes in weather and lack of daylight is affecting their mood. So the love blog will have to wait till next week; as in true tantra fashion - delayed gratification is so much more satisfying!

I was surprised to learn that one person in 50 in the UK suffers from SAD (seasonal affective disorder) commonly known as winter depression. Most of us may feel the low mood as less light reaches the brain but those with the actual disorder may experience the following symptoms:
* lethargy,fatigue and inability to carry out normal routine
* over-eating - craving carbohydrates and sweet foods, weight gain and sluggishness
* depression - misery, loss of self esteem, hopelessness, despair, apathy, loss of feeling, guilt
* anxiety and panic feelings
* loss of libido and avoiding physical contact
* social problems - avoiding contact with others, irritability
* sleep problems - over sleeping, difficulty staying awake, early waking and sleep disturbances

The causes are not fully understood but lack of exposure to day light appears to be the root cause leading to all manner of biochemical imbalances.

The sleep-wake cycle is affected th rough an increase in the hormone melatonin, altering the mood by lowering serotonin levels.

SAD is known to affect people from September to April and symptoms worsening in December to February but most report their symptoms disappearing in the Spring.

This disorder appears common in the Northern and Southern hémisphères and is extremely rare with those living closer to the Equator where day light hours are long, constant and bright.

Light therapy has been proven to help in 85% of cases. Sitting in front of a special light box giving out 10,000 lux, for as little as 30 minutes a day can reverse the symptoms within two weeks

Those living in the city, who are surrounded by tall buildings, who go to work early and in the dark and then return home in the dark are more at risk. In these situation where normal exposure to outdoor light is not possible a small light box that sits by the computer can boost the mood.

Those who find it hard to manage the recommended 30 - 60 minutes a day in front of the light box can opt for a 'dawn simulator, which sits next to your alarm clock and simulâtes a natural sunrise.

Even on a dull day try and go for a walk

Counselling is known to help to accept the disorder and create strategies to help manage the symptoms

Those with severe symptoms occuring every year may need medical treatment
www.sada.org.uk

Light boxes from:
www.lumie.com
www.healthyhouse.co.uk

This is love... but not as we know it?

2008-11-14T12:02:21Z

Following last weeks blog to help to turbo charge the quality of your connection with your partner through raising awareness of your own breath and linking your breath to your partners.

I've been contemplating the nature of relationships again. Well as you might remember that I do have a vested interest in this question as I am right in the middle of 'the divorce' right now.

Most of my great friends will no doubt experience 'divorce fatigue' soon and start to avoid me! Choosing perhaps to watch the couples saga on the soaps rather than mine - trust me I'm fatigued myself!

I must say I was rather comforted at the reports of Madonna's marriage breakdown and its inevitable fallout. It got me thinking really, it appears that at the beginning the very thing that attracts us too someone ends up being the very thing that tears us apart. I'm sure Madonna loved Guy's irreverence and macho stance and now has referred to him in a coded way, as being 'emotionally retarded'. I'm sure he loved her maturity and independence and now he sees her as 'old' and 'never home'

Psychotherapists have long reported that our traditional notion of love and marriage are outdated. Relationship experts Seane McGee and Maurice Taylor believe that people have for so long been 'hypnotised' into believing that love and intimacy is instinctive and that love should be enough.

So really there is no 'heading off into the sunset' on your wedding day but really that in order for the relationship to survive you have to become relationship 'literate'. There is also a belief that whilst one on three marriage fail in the UK, many suffer in miserable marriages.

Many studies have point to the effect on the mind body health as a result of continual conflict experienced in many relationships.

Therapists McGee and Taylor point to three core skills; 'emotional literacy, deep listening and conflict resolution' which once mastered may allow you to true intimacy, trust and growth in your relationship.

Emotional Literacy

When we enter a relationship we are never 'empty' but full of the years of experiences we have had so far.

So we expect our partner to make us feel happy, good, worthwhile, etc. what is really happening here is that we arrive at this juncture expecting them to make up for all the deficits from our upbringing.

If our needs are not met in childhood we hold that yearning in us, unconsciously, and hope that the love of our life will make up for it or fix it for us and of course when they are unable to do that we see that as them having let us down.

We really do look for our mothers or fathers in our adult lovers! If that's made you feel yuk! Really think about the person you are with right now and their qualities, both good and bad.... Yes I married my father too...!

So whilst you may be arguing with them about dirty socks on the floor ( forgetting that he does the ironing, cooks all the meals and brings you tea in bed every morning ) the underlying fear might be ( unconsciously ) that you will end up like 'master and slave' similar to your parents' marriage.

The more awareness you have about what your inner unmet needs are the more you can consciously stop projecting them onto your partner.

Deep Listening

When facing conflict most of us go into one of three modalities, 'the child, the critic, the adult. The only true place to be on this triangle is the 'adult'

as it is the only modality that has self awareness. When we argue the child mode appears and we often yell 'stop nagging me, I don't care what you think!' the critic appears when we then belittle or demean the other ' you're so stupid, how many times have I told you... you never do things properly!' when angry we can be incredibly disrespectful and hurtful and not surprisingly experienced over the years this can be the death of a relationship.

Conflict Resolution

The key is to verbalise a gripe, say how it saddens you, what your fear is and ownership of your fears and feelings and empathy for both standpoints. For example;

' I feel angry when you leave the old tea bags in the sink, I feel sad that you think I'll just pick up after you. My deepest fear is that you don't respect me and are just using me like my father used to use my mother.

I accept responsibility for being too obsessive about the sink. I do understand that you were in a hurry this morning and the bin was very full. Resolving a row: the person who is not in full rage should say 'time out' and say you are leaving the room and will continue a little later.

Get back together after a cooling off period and discuss how to proceed in a more adult way.

McGee and Taylor 'Ten Laws of Love'

1 Chemistry - sexual exclusivity, best friend and lover to your partner

2 Priority - put your partner above all others - guys...even your mother

3 emotional integrity - not scapegoat your partner for your own insecurities

4 deep listening - really hearing, not interrupting and really understanding

5 equality - men and womens brains are wired differently but we can still respect and accept each other

6 peacemaking - forgive, as an act of love for yourself and the other

7 love thy self - your partner cannot make up for your defects

8 passion in life - have your own independent goals, your individuality

9 leaving - always remember you are in this relationship voluntarily

10 transformation - the willingness to learn the above rule and act by them

Seana McGee and Maurice Taylor's book:

' The New Couple: why the old rules don't work and What Does' published by Harpercollins; USA

Tantric sex secrets to perk up your love life

2008-10-31T06:00:00Z

In our body-obsessed culture, the physical is given importance over inner values. In love, it's about the rush to attain the gold medal for being fastest to the 'Big O' and having had the most conquests.

Most men and women grow up learning about sex from TV, magazines and porn, where bodies are treated just as objects.

Women are said to looking for the men with big 'members'. Men are said to be looking for the tightest butts and the most pert breasts.

In the music videos teenagers consume with great ease, women are merely 'wallpaper' with no hint of them having an identity or being individuals.

Perhaps we should look to tradition to help to reconnect with that dearest of needs and the most primitive of urges - SEX.

Most will have heard of Sting, who apart from singing is believed to practice the Eastern art of Tantric sex.

Many of us have a crude awareness of it, most commonly that there are acrobatic positions and that the act can last for hours - giving us the joke of one position called 'the plumber' which is where you stay in all day but nobody comes!

Suffice it to say, these notions are over-simplified. The core aspect of tantric sex is the development of the closeness and bond at the deepest level with your partner through respect, yearning, love, reverence, play, exploration and connection through the breath and the body energy.

Rather than a physical act ,sex is seen as a way of attaining spiritual unification with your partner. So if you want to create a deeper and more meaningful connection with your partner, here are some simple techniques:

CREATE A SACRED SPACE

Many couples treat the bedroom, where most of the action takes place, as an office and TV room - some have lap tops and even their PC in there.

Many have a piece of gym equipment such as an exercise bike (often with cobwebs and clothes draped over it!).

These distractions do nothing to light the fire so, get rid of the TV, work-related paraphernalia, and exercise bikes. The primary aim of the bedroom is for love and sleep - hopefully in that order!

The room should be clean and tidy: no dirty laundry on the floor, no mouldy coffee mugs on the dressing table. Pictures and ornaments should depict couples or 'pairs'.

The 'killer' of love and intimacy occurs when there is the loss of mystery.

In initial courtship finding out about who your lover is can be exciting and compelling, but after a while you know all there is to know about them and although you have seen them at their best you have now also seen them at their worst.

Early morning bad breath, belching, grouchy, smelly ... you get the picture.

So in order to keep some of the mystery, girls, make sure you don't bleach your moustache in front of him. And guys, keep the windy noises to a minimum or at least out of her earshot.

The biggest love organ - steady - is the brain! So anticipation and building up to making love is needed. Your imagination and the build-up all adds to the charge and electricity ready to be unleashed.

Rather than chasing the 'Big O' as fast as you can, aim to increase bonding and intimacy through 'worshipping' your partner. To do this here's an amazing breathing technique to help connect you at a heart level to your beloved.

DO IT YOURSELF

In order to get used to this way of breathing, practice with yourself first:

1. On your fully clothed body, place one hand on your heart and the other on your genital area.

2. Close your eyes. Empty your lungs by breathing out.

3. Take a deep breath in, visualising you are breathing in through your genital area and drawing the energy up from inside your body to your heart area.

4. End the in breath at your heart and hold for three seconds, focussing your attention at your heart.

5. Breathe out. sending your breath down to your genital area. Practice for five more breaths.

6. You are now ready to practice with your partner!

TWO'S COMPANY

1. Stand or sit on the floor in front of your partner, fully clothed.

2. Put your hands in prayer position and bow to each other (this is optional).

3. Start by just holding each other's hands and gazing into each other's eyes.

4. Take your right hand and put it gently on your partner's heart area.

5. Both inhale at the same time, imagining you are drawing your breath up through your genitals and into your heart area.

6. As the breath comes into your heart area, hold the breath for three seconds, then breathe down into your genital area and out through the base of your spine. Repeat ten more times

7. Proceed to the next exercise!

HEART TO HEART

1. Start as before, face to face and with right hand on each other's heart. Gaze into each other's eyes.

2. Breathe in and imagine your partner's breath from their heart going into your heart.

3. Breathe out and imagine your breath going into their heart. Continue for 10 more rounds.

4. As they breathe in your heart breath, you breathe in their heart breath.

5. Repeat until you feel ready to start making love!

HEARTWAVE

1. To create a greater sense of connection the man can sit on a chair or on the floor while the partner sits astride on his lap with her legs wrapped around his waist (clothes optional!).

2. As before, breathe out of your heart and into your partner's heart. Imagine your breath going into their body, down their centre body into their genitals, and across into your genitals. As you breathe in, pull the energy into your heart.

3. A circuit is created and the sexual charge builds up. Repeat until you are ready to continue love-making.

You may not have reached your destination in record time, but by including some of these exercises into your repertoire you may end up having greater closeness and respect for your partner and for yourself.

Taking the time and making the effort to create variety and fun into your routine will create greater levels of intimacy and take the art of love-making to another level.

Now take another deeeeep breath...

2008-10-18T16:20:04Z

Moving on from the blog last time on the importance of the breath I thought it would be good to look into this in more depth and perhaps include some exercises that I often share with my clients to help them to take more control of their mind body state.

As we shared earlier we take for granted this most profound life force in our body.
In the East at the core of all yogic practices is breath control ( known as Pranayama) although in its translation to West with the help of the likes of Madonna, yoga has been regarded more for its physical health benefits above the mind body spiritual aspects.

Deep breathing is known to help nourish the physical body, helping to keep every cell properly oxygenated and enable the functions of metabolism and elimination.

Proper breathing helps concentration, enables greater clarity and awareness to deal with quite complex situations without becoming overwhelmed or stressed. It also creates emotional stability through a balance between the two sides of the brain

The right side of the brain processes your emotions, intuition and is the 'feminine centre' whilst the left side is objective and logical and the 'masculine centre'

By calming and controlling your breath you will be able to focus, manage your emotions, balance your mind and sharpen your mental abilities.

Yogis are known to practice for hours a day and perform extraordinary feats of control by slowing down the breath and heart rate until they are virtually undetectable.
So whilst most of do not have the time or the inclination to do this we can benefit from learning some of the techniques which we can incorporate into our daily routine:

Full Yogic Breathing:

Sit comfortably on a cushion on the floor cross legged if possible or if not on a chair with your feet flat on the floor

Put one hand on your ribcage and the other on your abdomen
Inhale slowly, feeling the abdomen expand first and then the ribcage and feel the air filling the upper chest

Hold the breath in the body for three beats

Then exhale, allowing the air to leave from the lower lung first then the middle then the top part

Hold the 'emptiness' for three beats

Then inhale again into the abdomen, middle then upper chest

Hold the fullness for three beats

Exhale from the lower, middle then top part

Repeat this simple but extraordinary breathing technique on a regular basis, every single day and see how it clears your mind, soothes your nervous system, can help lower your blood pressure, slow down your heart rate, lower your anxiety and make you feel alive and energised!

Abdominal breathing:

Lying flat on your back, place one hand on the abdomen to feel it rising and falling and close your mouth and breathe gently through your nose. Make sure you use the diaphragm by drawing the air into the lower parts of the lungs

The breaths should be deep and slow.

Alternative Nostril Breathing:

This is a very popular exercise that can very quickly balance your nervous system, slow your heart rate and help you feel calm and centred after only a few minutes.

This practice also helps create a wonderful synergy between the left and right brain hemispheres.
Use it to prepare you for meditation or for as refresher any time during the day

*Sit up straight, with you left hand on your knee
*Place your right hand against your face
*Let the thumb close your right nostril, the index and middle finger will rest against your forehead in the middle of your brow and your ring finger goes across the nose to close the left nostril.
*Close your eyes or lower them to gaze softly ahead
*Close your right nostril with your and breathe in through the left nostril
*Release the right nostril and close the left with your ring finger
*Breathe out slowly and then in again through he right nostril
*Then open the left nostril and close the right and breathe out
*This is round one
*Do about six rounds
*Then breathe naturally
*Then repeat a few more times

Avoid doing these exercises straight after a meal as when the stomach is full it presses against the diaphragm and you might end up breathing out more than just stale air!.

As you go about your daily life always keep your spine straight and stretched whether you are standing, sitting, kneeling, walking or lying down as this will allow the free flow of energy and air and maximum expansion of the lung.