Sunday Mercury - Lorne Jackson Online

Congrats to Bob Dylan...

2009-05-08T23:09:26Z

Congratulations Bob Dylan!

Together Through Life, the latest studio album from the 60's legend, is the first major collection of his songs to reach the top of the charts since 1970's New Morning.

I never used to like Dylan, as I didn't understand the lyrics to his more complex songs. Then I realised that he didn't understand them, either. From then on, me and Bob were just fine and dandy.

Although I've had this love/hate relationship with Dylan the lyricist, I've always adored his distinctive voice.

Sure it's a cracked crumble of a croak.

But Dylan was one of the first singers to prove to listeners that ugly can also be beautiful.

If he had been a smooth crooner, minus that gravel groan, he wouldn't have been able to deliver the same sincerity or passion.

The idea that ugly can be beautiful has always rung true with me.

Picasso proved the point in paint.

Tarantino made the case using the medium of massacre.

Even John Prescott has shown that ugly can be beautiful.

Okay, maybe that's going a little too far...

Jade Goody: The tasteless media bandwagon!

2009-03-27T09:43:16Z

IT'S said that everyone alive at the time remembers exactly where they were when they heard JFK had been slain.

I can say the same about Jade Goody.

I was underneath my bed, fingers jammed in ears, hissing the mantra: "I will not be sucked in by the tasteless Jade media bandwagon, I will not be sucked in by the tasteless Jade media bandwagon, I will not be sucked in by the tasteless..."

I'd been doing this for three weeks solid, and only stopped when someone jabbed a well-aimed broom underneath the bed, and released me from my reverie by informing me that the young woman in question was now dead.

Though the story didn't end there.

There was still the mob mourning to contend with.

Strangers making a pilgrimage to the House Of Jade, to sanctify her doorstep with petrol-station petals.

Then there were the comments from the great and the good and the genuflecting. Stephen Fry - smug, though as usual, not as smart as he thinks he is - compared Jade to Princess Di.

True... in a way.

The death of both women brought out the worst in the British public and media.
Don't get me wrong. The premature death of any 27-year-old mother is a tragedy - for her family and friends.

But not for the sickening bunch of strangers laying the reefs, or reading-all-about it in the tasteless tittle-tat mags. They're just grief groupies.

Empty heads with empty lives, getting a high from inhaling the rich fumes emitted by other people's pain.

In a different era, in a different nation, I'm sure those ghouls would have learned to knit, then sat underneath the shadow of Madame Guillotine.

The Reign Of Tragedy or the Reign Of Terror - I genuinely can't see that much of a
difference.

Lorne Jackson's thought of the day

2009-03-23T12:02:40Z

Lorne Jackson drinks to forget. To forget that he drinks.

Lorne Jackson's thought of the day

2009-03-22T12:02:40Z

Lorne Jackson wonders what Christine Blakley daydreams about while pretending to interview dead-beat celebs on The One Show. Baked potato, tuna and sweetcorn?

Or baked Adrian Chiles, tuna and sweetcorn...

Lorne Jackson's thought of the day

2009-03-21T12:02:40Z

Lorne Jackson knows exactly what the advert means when it says "In Scotland there's so much more going on."

Mugging, glue sniffing, random stabbing, congenial headbutting, getting your first heartattack along with teenage acne.

Did I mention the mugging?

Lorne Jackson's thought of the day

2009-03-20T12:02:40Z

Lorne Jackson wants to know why people always calm down. There's nothing down about calm. Calm up, instead.

Lorne Jackson's thought of the day!

2009-03-18T14:10:32Z

Lorne Jackson wishes the babbling voices inside his head would just stop!

Maybe he should take the iPod plugs out his ears, right enough...

Lorne Jackson's thought of the day

2009-03-17T14:10:32Z

Lorne Jackson knows for a fact the aliens have landed. And using the same city centre bus stop as him.

Lorne Jackson's thought of the day

2009-03-12T07:54:25Z

Lorne Jackson wants to know why Dexter wastes his time killing other serial killers. He should slaughter smug bankers instead.

Lorne Jackson's thought of the day...

2009-03-11T07:54:25Z

After many days of contemplation in a darkened room, Lorne Jackson has come to the conclusion that Samantha Janus's face is an Afghan fighting kite.

Lorne Jackson's thought of the day!

2009-03-07T08:43:33Z

Lorne Jackson says every day is Red Nose Day in his house. That's cos he's kicking back on Toilet Duck on the rocks.

Lorne Jackson's thought of the day...

2009-03-06T08:43:33Z

Lorne Jackson is glad a gaggle of low-rent UK celebs are climbing Kilimanjaro. At last they'll confront something bumpier and more intimidating than their egos.

Lorne Jackson's thought of the day!

2009-03-05T08:43:33Z

I still have faith that Aston Villa will grab silverwear this season. By nicking the cutlery from the Old Trafford canteen the next time they play Man U.

I also think the Baggies will nab silverwear this year. Bruce Forsyth is donating his toupee.

Lorne Jackson's thought of the day

2009-03-03T13:38:19Z

Lorne isn't sure whether he stole the boules, borrowed the boules or emancipated the boules.

But he's keeping the boules.

Lorne Jackson's throught of the day!

2009-03-01T23:28:29Z

Jackson's glad the government is changing the law to stop some banker getting his pension.

Maybe they'll also change the law to let me kill and kill again.