Sunday Mercury - PC Plod

Health & safety : Adventurers Ranulph Fiennes and Robin Knox-Johnston not allowed to light primus stove.

2009-04-18T22:10:49Z

BBC health and safety rules were branded "absurd" today after an intrepid explorer and a round-the-world sailor were not trusted to light a camping stove.

While filming an adventure show for the corporation, Sir Ranulph Fiennes and Sir Robin Knox-Johnston were stopped from firing up the stove unsupervised in case they had an accident, it was claimed.

Sir Ranulph, Sir Robin and war reporter John Simpson, who featured alongside them, were said to have been taken aback by the corporation's strict regulations while filming BBC 2 series Top Dogs.

They were given a "huge" document warning them about hazards such as tripping over while filming in Afghanistan, Cape Horn and the Canadian Arctic, Sir Robin said.

He told the Daily Mail: "Ran and I were told we could not light a Primus stove unless we were supervised. So that's the kind of nonsense you get.

"This young man came in and said he was going to supervise and we told him to clear off. Or words to that effect."

Sir Robin, who was was the first man to sail single-handed and non-stop around the globe, added: "It was just absurd. What do you think we cook on in boats?"

PC brigade : give bad students a high five

2008-12-13T13:09:58Z

A Government-backed teacher training scheme suggests that teachers should "high-five" failing students to improve their exam results.

Establishing a good personal relationship with pupils is necessary for teachers to develop a mutual respect in the classrooms of struggling inner-city schools, a speaker from Future Leaders told a teacher training scheme.

Sir Iain Hall, Future Leaders' national director of training, said: "When your children come into the classroom, how do you greet them?

"Whether it is a high-five, it is touching a child's hand, it is shaking their hands - we teach our Future Leaders to stand at the classroom door and greet every kid who comes through it.

"It's about establishing positive relationships all the time, shaking the hands of kids that go past, giving those high-fives."

Nick Seaton, chairman of the Campaign for Real Education, was not convinced Sir Iain's methods would work in UK schools.

He said: "Teachers will become figures of ridicule - pupils hate it when their teachers try to be young. It's the pupils who should try to be like the teachers.

"To establish discipline in schools, teachers shouldn't reward normal behaviour, they should punish bad behaviour so pupils understand the concept of consequence.

"There's a cultural difference between the UK and America and I don't think they have a great deal to teach us in this particular area."

Santa sacked for taking mobile phone call in his grotto

2008-12-11T16:13:47Z

SANTA has been sacked by his scrooge bosses - for answering his mobile phone in the grotto.

Hapless Father Christmas, otherwise known as Mike O'Donagh, 53, was sacked from his jovial job at Chelmsley Wood shopping centre.

Because he answered a call from the Jobcentre about his benefits.

The dad-of-two, of Moseley, Birmingham, has now been left jobless in the run-up to the festive season.

Poor Mike insists he was only answering his phone because it was a vital call about his dole money.

"I can't believe how Scrooge-like they've been," he said.

"I had to answer my phone because I needed to sort my benefit payments out with the Jobcentre - because I was working as Santa.

"I told the kiddies not to worry because it was a call from Lapland about their toys, and that everything would be OK.

"With all the benefits cheats out there, you might have thought they would have given me a break.

"I was being honest and trying to do everything by the book.

"The children seemed to be fine with it, but not my employers. So much for the spirit of Christmas this year."

Mike, who has worked as Santa on many occasions, was employed at the Chelmsley Wood shopping centre grotto by employment agency NIDD last month.

He even appeared at the festive lights switch-on in Birmingham city centre on November 23 and took part in the Christmas parade through the city alongside reindeer, elves, snowmen and other Christmas characters.

"I loved working as Santa," he said. "I loved working with the children because it is such a magical time of year.

"I just don't understand why they took offence at me answering my phone.

"It did happen during the middle of a picture, with the child on my lap, but nobody seemed to mind - and nobody told me it was wrong.

"I only found out when I turned up at work the following day and was informed I was no longer needed."

Last night, Jim Sherwin, managing director of NIDD - an employment agency based in Leeds - defended his company's actions.

He said: "We employed Mr O'Donagh on behalf of another promotions company on a temporary basis.

"So we were well within our rights to let him go.

"We weren't on site but we were informed that there have been a number of occasions on which Mr O'Donagh answered his phone and was late, which meant we were not happy with the level of service he was providing.

"We wanted to ensure we got the position filled with someone who could do the job properly."

l Last month Santa Andrew Mondia, 32, was sacked by Selfridges in London - because he asked a granny to sit on his lap.

Store bosses said Santas must certainly not "promote or proactively seek" anyone to do so.

Andrew said his one-day training was "a bit rushed", adding: "I was just being my innocent usual self. I was shocked when they told me - I couldn't believe I've been sacked for being too friendly."

And last year 70 year-old Santa John Oakes was sacked from a Australian department store for saying "Ho, ho, ho" and singing Christmas carols.

Retired entertainer John was fired from his job at the Myer store in Cairns for his rendition of Santa's famous laugh.

His employer Westaff ordered its Santas to say "ha, ha, ha" instead of "ho, ho, ho" because it could be derogatory to women. The word "ho" is also American slang for a whore.

Poppy sellers kicked out of shopping centre!

2008-11-07T13:57:39Z

SECURITY guards have kicked three elderly British Legion poppy selllers out of a shopping centre.

World War Two Royal Navy veteran Leslie Downard, 80, his wife Phyllis, 76, and former TA soldier Joan Anderson, 78, were shaken when confronted by the guards.

They claimed, falsely, the three only had the right to collect in the Eden Centre, in High Wycombe, Bucks, for four days and not the 14 they intended.

Nick Warren, marketing manager for the centre, said the ban was imposed because the guards did not think the sellers had charity licences to operate for two weeks.
He said: "It was a complete misunderstanding. I can only apologise."

Squash court warning for the blind - PC madness

2008-10-11T19:51:38Z

BARMY Midlands council chiefs are giving tips on playing squash - to the blind.

New health and safety signs have been installed inside Halesowen Leisure Centre at a cost of £5,300 to help centre-users find their way around.

The wording is written in Braille, and appears in the squash courts area, where advice is given on acceptable sports shoes and on-court safety.

Dudley Council, which owns the leisure centre, defended the decision to give tips to non-existent blind squash players.

As well as Braille signs indicating the location of the squash courts, there are notices on the doors saying that black-soled shoes must not be worn on the courts to stop the wooden floors becoming marked.

They also say: "Knock and wait" - to prevent people walking on to court when a match is in progress, which would be extremely dangerous.

There are no men on the street

2008-09-05T15:57:42Z

A new politically-correct language guide tells council staff not to use the phrase "man on the street" - in case it causes offence to women.

The term is based on the assumption that the world is male, according to the booklet which suggests "general public" as an alternative.

But Chichester District Council's advice - which also says "manning the switchboard" and calling women "ladies" or "girls" is sexist - has been deemed "stupid" by a local parish chairman.

Tony Colpoys, of Ebernoe, West Sussex, said: "It really gets my goat. Nobody believes 'man on the street' refers solely to men. This is just another example of repulsive political correctness."

Up the creek without a paddle - thanks to health & safety red tape

2008-08-06T10:52:56Z

Organisers of the River Rother raft race have vowed not to let health and safety red tape strangle this year's charity event.

The race has been run for 26 years over a four-mile course from Cowdray Ruins, Midhurst, on the Sunday of the August bank holiday weekend.

Its records show that a wasp sting has been the only incident ever requiring hospital treatment.

But the event is now threatened by a string of health and safety requirements.

Robin Shapland, who has been organising the charity race for the past 16 years, declared: "After 26 years of the race which, as its record shows, we always do all we can to make safe, I find this a bit much.

"Where events have a capacity of 500 people, an event safety plan is now required. But we don't get anything like 500 competitors and at the start and finish we might get 300 people.

"How do we know how many spectators there might be when anyone who is in the area might decide to go and take a look at what is going on somewhere along four miles of the river? There may be 500 people, but they are all spread out."

The race is being run this year to raise money for three main charities - Macmillan Cancer Support, the Rosemary Foundation and Chestnut Tree Hospice for Children. Small donations are also given to local charities. Last year's race raised £10,800 for the chosen good causes.

The health and safety guidelines Mr Shapland has to work to include 'a hierarchical structure of safety responsibility', an emergency plan, a communications plan, and an event risk assessment which he does not have the experience to carry out.

The hierarchical structure should be interesting because he runs the race with his pal - so that's all of two people to pass the buck between.

"Also, someone usually lends us a generator to power the public address system at the start, but now we can't have one unless it has a safety certificate. To get that we are going to have to hire a generator which will cost about £50 and that's money that could have gone to charity."

* Robin would be delighted to hear from anyone with experience in completing risk assessments who would be prepared to help him out of the dilemma. Call him on 07850 309955.

Sex change training - it's a fair cop for the PC brigade

2008-08-04T11:00:11Z

Humberside Police has been criticised for taking officers off frontline duties in a crime-ridden neighbourhood to send them on ... sex-change training.

The move is in response to one of their colleagues undergoing treatment to change from a 42-year-old married man into a woman called Lauren.

Senior officers say it constitutes "political correctness gone mad" to have staff on anti-discrimination training when they could be out on the beat.

Some 510 staff , including 344 police officers, working for Humberside Police in North East Lincolnshire received a letter from the chief superintendent saying they had to attend the half-day training course to help PC Lauren's transition.

The training is likely to cost thousands of pounds but could help to protect the force from a potentially embarrassing lawsuit if PC Lauren were to experience discrimination.

Kevin Sharp explained in his letter that she suffered from gender identity dysphoria, which left her feeling like a woman trapped in a man's body.

"As from today, Lauren starts her new life and over the next few weeks you will receive awareness training during which you will be able to read a personal letter from Lauren," he said.

Humberside Police's A Division covers Grimsby and the surrounding area in North-East Lincolnshire, which according to the force website suffers from a "disproportionately high level of crime and disorder".

Nearly 30 per cent of residents live in 10 per cent of the most deprived boroughs in England, and last year police recorded in excess of 27,000 crimes there - a third more than the average.

Mummies to bare all after PC ruling reversed

2008-07-26T20:36:00Z

A museum has reversed its decision to cover up its Egyptian mummies in response to public opinion.

Manchester Museum covered up three unwrapped mummies on display, sparking accusations of political correctness, two months ago.

The cover-up was part of a consultation on how the mummies will be displayed when the museum's ancient Egypt gallery is redeveloped.

Nick Merriman, museum director, now says one of the mummies will be left partially unwrapped in its original display state, while another will be partially covered, leaving its head, hands and feet exposed.

The decision to reveal more of the mummies came following a meeting of the Museum's Human Remains Panel.

A museum spokeswoman said further onsultation will run for 12 months and a number of different display methods will be tried.

At last the EU has realised it's bananas

2008-07-21T10:05:49Z

Not often that we can bring you news of victory.

But at last the clowns at the European Commission have voted to scrap the nonsense laws that dictate the exact shape, colour and size of our vegetables.

Our cucumbers will once more be curvy, our carrots rough and bananas bendier.

Worried by the credit crunch, high price of food and unnecessary wastage, EC bosses are set to reform the loopy legislation.

In case you forgot, here's one they made earlier:

"The thickness of the transverse section of the banana between the lateral faces and the middle, perpendicular to the longitudinal axis must be a minimum of 27mm ..."

Bananas!

The lunatics have taken over the asylum

2008-07-21T10:00:56Z

I see they're planning to repeal the old laws that prohibit lunatics and idiots standing for parliament.

The law describes lunatics as people "only capable of periods of lucidity" and idiots as those "incapable of gaining reason".

Well, those laws have done a fat lot of good, then.

Seems to me that Parliament is filled with the very people the legislation sought to ban.

The chavs and the chav-nots

2008-07-19T15:23:11Z

The use of the word "chav" shows a deep hatred of the working class and should be stamped out, according to a politically correct think-tank.

Tom Hampson, editorial director of the Fabian Society, says that the word is "sneering and patronising" but more and more widely used.

He has called on broadcasters to take class discrimination seriously, and compares 'chav' to terms of abuse such as "faggot" and "pikey".

In an article to be published in the Fabian Review, Mr Hampson says: "Some uses of some words fall below the threshold of acceptability and some are definitely above it.

"'Chav' is way above that threshold.

"It is deeply offensive to a largely voiceless group and - especially when used in normal middle-class conversation or on national TV - it betrays a deep and revealing level of class hatred."

He continues: "It is sneering and patronising and - perhaps most dangerous - it is distancing, turning the 'chav' into the kind of feral beast that exists only in tabloid headlines."

So that's that then, innit?

Gay Gamers get X-rated by Xbox

2008-07-15T15:11:28Z

Gay gamers are pink with rage after Microsoft banned camp nicknames from its Xbox multiplayer service.

Censors have told users of its Xbox LIVE subscription service that names or tags with the word "gay" in them are no longer allowed, in case they cause offence.

The ban also covers straight people with the word "gay" in their surname.

Software engineer Richard Gaywood, 30, was told his name broke rules concerning "sexual innuendo" and was ordered to choose another tag.

Barking mad - sniffer dogs must wear PC bootees

2008-07-07T17:39:31Z

Police sniffer dogs will soon have to wear bootees when searching the homes of Muslims, so as not to cause offence.

The Association of Chief Police Officers is drawing up politically-correct pooch guidelines because of increasing religious sensitivities.

It means that the specially trained sniffer dogs must boot up before searching for drugs and explosives.

Last week Tayside Police had to apologise after a Muslim councillor objected to a crime prevention poster featuring a German shepherd puppy.

In Islamic law although dogs are not regarded as impure, their saliva is.

Careful how you batter that door down, lads - Health & Safety nonsense

2008-06-26T09:44:30Z

FRONT line cops in the Midlands are being given health and safety tips on how to batter down doors.

The advice has bemused experienced police officers, who say the technique is simple: hit 'em as hard as you can.

But health and safety penpushers with West Midlands Police, who never go on raids, beg to differ.

They have drawn up a list of tips for the task, calling for cops to "deploy dynamic risk assessments and consider the safety of themselves and others" before breaking down doors.

The health and safety guidelines also encourage officers to use arm guards, mitts, helmets, strong boots, protective vests, shin guards, thigh protectors and genital protective boxes ('for male users').