Sunflowers and Sawdust

How quickly time goes by..

2009-07-21T01:03:00.006-04:00

I cannot believe almost a year has passed since my last post. I somehow lost this blog in the bowels of techo-hell, for which obviously I am not too familiar. You see, I feel it necessary to have at least *five* email addresses. One for personal use, often checked, messages received and sent on a regular basis, with really no fear of ever forgetting one's password or user name.

The other's are used for things such as this... various ramblings, photo hosting sites, online accounts and so on... Yes, I insist on having an individual user name and password for each individual account as just using ONE would seem, well, too ordinary.. too normal.. it would just make too much sense..

Ohhhh, and let's not forget the email address saved only for those I would rather not give my email addy to. I can tell an absolute stranger to fuck themselves, this I have no problem doing whatsoever, but I am completely unable to refuse someone the request of an email addy..

So, there an account sits, filled to the brim with emails from those I wouldn't spit on if they were on fire.. messages that are deleted before even given the chance to be read, for I have not responded to one.

Which brings me to the point of this post. There is an obvious need for me to do some, um, organizing and re-evaluating... And it is also time for me to start blogging again... It has been far too long and I have been missed... Well, according to all the emails in my inbox... ;)

Farewell

2008-08-22T10:24:00.015-04:00

Originally written August 2008.. Published July 2009

You were a crumpled heap of fabric, non-descript and frayed, hanging shapeless, lifeless, on the hanger, crushed between two gowns so breathlessly beautiful, even unsupported, it’s a wonder you weren’t quickly passed by.

But I saw you. And felt sorry for you. Made eyes at the gowns beside you, but pointed at you, too. There could be no harm in trying. You were, at best, an easy "no."
Because I had already discounted you, I tried you first. First, ever. And because you were first, I did not recognize the moment when it hit me square on the head, leaving the dressing room, rounding the corner for my first view – the bride to be – of me.

No, I did not know it. Did not know that my delight at your magnificent train was more than just star-struck fantasy in off-white. Did not suspect your perfect fit would be unmatched in the weeks to come.

And even when I saw you — halted in my tracks by the image of a woman I thought I might know, holding the folds of a gown I had only dreamed of — I did not let myself think you were more than the first blush. I could not think it – because it was not just a thought. It was a moment. It was magic. It was love.

I stared the longest at you, of all of them – and there were many. You were the standard to which all other gowns failed to live up to. I kept you secret because the moment was too precious to share – too difficult to explain. It would be a mouthful of excuses each time: it’s unusual; it’s off-white; it has asymmetry, and is dutchess silk– and I did not want that. Could not invest myself each time only to have it fall on deaf ears. It would do no justice.

You are Princess Grace of Monaco, old Hollywood, and a bride in between. You are sepia photographs and catwalk couture. You are fashion, not form – and you make me feel like only I could look this way in you. That my wearing you is what makes you beautiful, and not the other way around. You are exactly the gown I never dreamed I’d own. You are Dutchess Silk, your are spectacular, and for a brief moment in time, you were my wedding gown.

In that instance and in that moment, you captured my heart and pierced my soul. Your presence with me always, the thought of you causing my heart to beat faster.

I have to release you now and let you go...

The woman who will wear you, I hope she loves you as I do, I pray she sees in you all your beauty and cherishes you as I always will, for you are worthy of such admiration.

I smile as I think of her, although we will never meet, and envision her on her wedding day, wearing you, the dress that exudes elegance and grace and in my mind I can see her. I close my eyes and she is breathtaking, she is beautiful.

She is beautiful because of love and because of you.

Farewell Christina.... Farewell.

Collide

2008-08-18T13:10:00.005-04:00

The dawn is breaking... A light shining through... You're barely waking... And I'm tangled up in you. (yeah)

I'm open, you're closed. Where I'll follow you'll go.

I worry I won't see your face Light up again.

Even the best fall down sometimes. Even the wrong words seem to rhyme.

Out of the doubt that fills my mind, I somehow found you and I collide.

I'm quiet, you know, You make a first impression. I've found I'm scared to know, I'm always on your mind.

Even the best fall down sometimes. Even the stars refuse to shine.

Out of the back you fall in time Somehow find you and I collide...

Don't stop here... I lost my place... I'm close behind...

Even the best fall down sometimes. Even the wrong words seem to rhyme.

Out of the doubt that fills your mind You finally find, you and I collide.

You finally find, you and I collide. You finally find, you and I collide.

http://www.videocodezone.com/videos/h/howie_day/collide.html

The day is long without You...

2008-08-14T11:22:00.001-04:00

I can hardly wait...

2008-08-12T15:45:00.007-04:00

I finally took the Polaroid Plunge...

I must now wait patiently for my cameras to arrive... yes, that's right, I said cameras...

After countless hours researching Flickr, Poalroid, Polanoid, and so many other various sites and blogs, obviously too many to list, I finally narrowed it down to two cameras.. The Polaroid 100 Automatic and the Polaroid 420.

Unfortunately, there was a camera in every series that I wanted and of course, thought I needed but one does have to be realistic. I mean, do I really need that many cameras, all of them so individual, so strong, so capable of producing that perfect image.. ?????

Perhaps... ;)

The Love of My Life, the Man I adore beyond words has been so wonderful and supportive, listening patiently, as I talked endlessly for what seemed like hours (if you know me, you know this is not a feat) , about all the different models, rambling about all that I could now do, all that I hoped to do, and all that I have been dreaming of since this first came into conception.

He was the one who convinced me to buy the Polaroid 100. I'll admit, it was a little bit more than I wanted to pay, yet it had all the specifications I desired and the modifications I was terrified of doing were already complete.

To him, it Just made sense".. *smiles*

So, now I wait, as my precious new cameras make their trek across land and sea... tossed on a plane, alone and likely scared, only to be bounced across the country in a delivery truck that rarely stops and as we all know, drives way too fast.

I pray for them, waiting anxiously for their safe arrival home.

Take My Breath Away..

2008-08-08T13:57:00.002-04:00

I am not a "Traditional Bride" kind of girl... Big poofy ballgowns, veils and tiaras have no appeal to me at all... I prefer the simplistic look really... Clean, mild, simple lines with unexpected touches that accentuate the Bride, not overwhelm her. Please don't get me wrong, some women can pull of the above style with an envious amount of grace and do this quite well, however, for me, I am simply not one of them.

If I could be "that" Bride... I would want to look exactly like the Bride in this picture.. I love everything about her style... simply breathtaking.

{Image by MelaKon Photography, Grace Ormond Magzine}

Inspiration Awakened...

2008-08-07T10:25:00.000-04:00

For the love of Light : A Tribute to the Art of Polaroid

I came across this site by accident really, and just had to share it with you.

It is a collection of images from 25 photographers, representing 10 countries and visions whose images are on display in a soft bound book. I have spent most of the morning looking at these images. They are beautiful, each image a reflection of the past, present and future.

I had forgotten the beauty of a Polaroid image... it has been years since I have even seen this camera, and many more years since I have heard the sound of the "click".

Today, it was like I was taken back in time.. to my childhood, remembering the days of my youth, when life was so simple, my mind not altered by the harsh realities of life.. My innocence guiding me.. my eyes looking upward, my feet light, as if I was floating.

I can clearly remember the excitement, the anticipation as My Sister and I waited for the image to appear. Our eyes fixed on the camera, never shifting, never wavering, for we feared we might miss seeing the birth of our image...

It seemed like an eternity as we waited... both of us stealing glances at each other in a desperate attempt to try and determine the other's thoughts... for we knew... we knew we must remain focused.. She was no longer just my Sister.. she was now.... the Enemy..

Frantically both of us would dive for the photo, grasping to be in reach of the ultimate prize. The winner being the one who would wave the picture wildly within their fingertips... being the first to truly see the image appear.

Often I was triumphant, lunging with such force and determination I am sure most couldn't stand under my quest for the Holy Grail..

She remained in the background as I leaped in the air, victorious, picture in hand, waving frantically, eyes wide with excitement, my heart pounding within my chest.

I spoke of this to a dear friend this morning over a cup of coffee and he shares the same love. We spoke of childhood memories and of innocence lost. We shared memories and we shared dreams.

I mentioned to him that perhaps I will search for a Polaroid, just for fun, to see if the excitement is still there, if it still lies within.

He happens to have a Polaroid Camera at his house, abandoned in his workshop... He graciously offered this camera to me, unsure of it's ability, however, it now belongs to me. It does require some TLC and this is to be expected, however, I sense this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

I smile as I envision my Sister and I, today, as we are, so different yet similar in so many ways, our innocence lost but not forgotten, our eyes wide with excitement, and our hearts pounding as we, for the first time in years, hear the sound of the first click...

Inspiration Awakened... stay tuned.. :)

Say Hello to my Little Friend

2008-08-06T16:21:00.000-04:00

I admittedly have a fascination with Etsy Lately, often finding myself browsing for hours.. I came across a Seller whose name captured my attention.. The name, Jamtartbaby completely intrigued me, so I ventured in... And there she was... So simple, yet her presence cast such an elegance that I was taken back..

Her colours uplifting, her shape mesmerizing... Her demeanour slight, her face bears no expression. Her presence comforting..

I must admit it was love at first sight.... *blush*

The Seller wrote a small introduction to tell the world of Miss Frieda. And I quote:

Description:

Freida is a lovely gal, partial to the south of France as her and her family holiday there every single year. She has grown to love so much the way Mademoiselle Galant waves at her and her Mom on their way to the open air market for fresh fruit. When she is back in Canada she likes to wear her simple french hair clip every day to remind her of her love.

Freida measures 12" tall and 6" wide she is made with cotton materials and all new poly fill stuffing.

I must measure my largest handbag, one suitable for Miss Freida, and see if she would perhaps fit comfortably..

I could quite possibly have a New Best Friend in Miss Freida.. *sigh*

I dream in Black and White....

2008-08-06T14:13:00.000-04:00

I love this image. I cannot recall where or when I found this, but I was instantly taken by this little girl and her innocence. I love how carefree she appears and I often wish I could go there, to that exact spot and in that moment raise my arms in the air and just twirl.....

2008-08-06T10:30:00.000-04:00

Hidden away in darkness is a my collection of photographs, images, and random words spoken by both strangers and by those I love and hold close to my heart. I have selfishly been coveting

all of this, each day finding comfort in their secrecy, beauty in their innocence and delight in their words.

For years now, I have been collecting these images and words and for years, they have remained underground, in the hard drive of my computer, the light of day not revealed.

I thought it time to share with others in hopes that someone, somewhere will be inspired as I am, to look beyond and find the simplistic beauty that lies within.

I feel obligated to do so as my collection has brought great joy, smiles when they are most needed and often they serve as a place of rest.

Welcome to my blog, Sunflowers and Sawdust.