sayabudakemodantaksukasenyumok!^^

My Bad Attitude

2013-08-18T20:31:00.002+08:00

Aku kan, still xdapat nk ubah some of my bad attitude. Attitude yg susah nk terima kehadiran org "luar" dalam hidup aku.

Orang luar tu bukan bermaksud org yg ak lgsg xkenal, tapi aku anggap org tu org luar bila mereka xberapa rapat dgn ak.

Contohnya, ak rapat dgn makcik ak yg bongsu. Bila kumpul ramai2, ak akan just pay my attention to anak makcik ak tu je. Pelik..

Ak pulak jenis yg hold grudge actually. Hold grudge does not mean ak akan/buat benda2 xbaik dkt mereka. Tapi, once ak xsuka org tu..ak akan tends to not close with that people. Apatah lagi nk baik dgn org tu.

Dulu, makcik ak..adik kpd mak ak suka mengata kami adik-beradik. Bukan mengata hapa, cuma ad something yg dia suka dok heboh2 kat jiran. Bila ak dgr, ak ad jugak sound dpn2. Tapi, tu dulu. Sbb ak ni hot temper punya org. Sekarang, bila org ngata mcm2, ak try sabar. Biar la apa org nk kata. Allah ad, betol x?

Tapi, even ak xberapa suka dgn org..once org tu buat baik dgn ak. Ak akn cpt tersentuh. Serius, terus ak lupa apa dorang dah buat kat ak.

Tiada Tajuk

2013-08-17T15:18:00.000+08:00

isk..isk..

guwa sedih boh. lonely, homesick. eh, padahal ak kt kg ni. tinggal sorang2 aja di rumah. adik2 dah pergi hostel. Nobody else except me. My lonely me.

tahu x? tahu x? ak kan xde BFF aka Best Friend Forever pon. kenapa tetiba BFF? sebab ad tertengok post member yg ketika satu dahulunya pernah rapat dgn ak time sekola. dorang p lepak sama2 beb. sedih, sedih. memikirkan yg ak xde pon camtu.

dulu, time nk pindah sekolah..nanges x ingat dunia tau bila nk berpisah. setiap kali cuti sekolah wajib jumpa. sekarang, semua pon xtahu la ke mana sudeh. penat la ak..asek ak je yg initiate nk wat reunion la. see, bila ak buat snyap..hampeh, xde beb. xde.. sampai mak ak pon tnya, "Mana kwn2 time sekolah dulu? Dah xde contact ke?" Ak jawab, "Entah, xde. Malas ah"

Makcik ak pon pernah membebel, "Susah ah berkawan bila dah masing2 ad komitmen sendiri, kita je asek pegi rumah dia, dia xpena pon dtg rumah kita". Haha, itu luahan hati makcik ak.

Tapi, memang betol. Sebab masing2 pon, bila dah bekerja dan berkeluarga..ada komitmen dan tanggungjawab sendiri. Mana la sempat nk pikir pasal benda lain. Lagi2 pasal kawan ko yg dulu dok rapat time sekolah pulak tu. Berbelas tahun sudah.

Tapi, ak harap kawan2 ak yg ak sgt rapat dekat uni will still keep their touch with me. Budak Erk, Rene. Ana pon kdg2 ad mesej. A message is actually could bring many happiness to me. Seriously.

K,bye. :)

Cikgu saya T_T

2013-05-05T23:30:00.002+08:00

tahu x? sekarang aku dalam mode sedih sebab cikgu aku.

Baru je usha FB, tetiba ternampak gambar cikgu aku time sekolah menengah dulu. Cikgu S. Cikgu PJ dan dia adalah satu-satunya cikgu yang aku rapat. Cikgu semakin hari semakin kurus. Hari tu dengar-dengar cerita, cikgu S sakit. sob sob..dulu badan cikgu mcm berisi, tapi sekarang dah kurus. Sabarlah wahai cikgu. Mungkin ujian ini Allah berikan hanya untuk menguji hambanya yang beriman. :)

Sekolah menengah, aku atlet olahraga. Cikgu S la yang banyak bagi semangat dan nasihat kat aku. Ingat lagi bila aku terpaksa masuk relay 4x100m. Dah la dengan senior, segan tau. isk isk.. ada beberapa org je junior yg join olahraga time tu. Majoritinya adalah senior. Ada satu race tu, cikgu S perasan aku pecut laju dari org lain, then terus dia suruh ak jadi last runner. Sebab biasa, kalau kau jadi last runner, kau kena pecut laju-laju. Dan hanya orang yang ada fastest record je akan diletakkan sebagai last runner. Woah! Aku cuak beb. Sebab ada lagi senior yang lari laju dari aku. Yang tu pon sebab nasib je. Mungkin peserta lain yang race dengan aku tu slow je lari nya..sebab tu la nampak laju je aku pecut...Cikgu S ni dah salah faham ni. Hahaha. naseb baik time practice aku buat-buat lari slow ja, malas nk jadi last runner. Cuak beb kalau aku xboleh nk catch up racer lain dan xboleh menang. Bersalah seumur hidup tau. ;(

Then, ingat lagi time ada tournament kat Melaka..kat situ Cikgu S ada cerita kisah cinta dia zaman muda-muda dulu dgn Mr. Hubby, Cikgu B. Yang mana cikgu PJ aku jugak. Dorang ni sweet tau. Mengajar subjek yang sama, sekolah yang sama. Hik hik..

Dorang ni memang satu U pon dulu dan bestfriend. Cikgu S, Cikgu B and ada lagi sorang mamat ni (Mr. A la aku bagi nama) adalah kawan baik. Cikgu B and Mr. A actually dua-dua suka kat Cikgu S ni. Tapi, Cikgu B xpernah sekali pon luah perasaan dia. Tapi, Mr. A yang ambik inisiatif dulu tackle Cikgu S melalui Cikgu B. Maksudnya, Mr. A mintak tolong Cikgu B usha Cikgu S untuk dia. So, nak dijadikan cerita, walaupun pahit..terpaksa jugak la Cikgu B ni usahakan cara untuk pastikan Cikgu S and Mr. A bersama. Then, Cikgu S and Mr. A pon couple la. Tapi, hubungan dorang xseperti yang diharapkan, pihak keluarga Mr. A xdapat menerima Cikgu S. So, dorang putus kat situ.

Ada satu hari, Cikgu B accident and koma..tapi, yang sweetnya..dalam koma tu..Cikgu B ada sebut-sebut nama Cikgu S. *ini cerita betul! Sweet sangat!* Sejak dari tu la, Cikgu S sedar yang Cikgu B adalah jodoh bagi dirinya..

Dan..hubungan mereka still sweet sampai sekarang. May Allah bless them forever. Semoga cikgu bertambah sihat, diredhai Allah selalu.

Jodoh tu rahsia Allah kan. Aku selalu risau tentang jodoh aku. Aku just harap that aku akan dapat hubby yang macam Cikgu B yang sanggup berada disisi si isteri xkira dalam susah ataupun senang. Suami yang dapat menerima diri sang isteri seadanya. Suami yang dapat membimbing si isteri ke syurga Allah. Suami yang berkahwin dengan si isteri kerana Allah dan bukan kerana nafsu semata-mata.

Okay, aku stop kat sini..sebab aku rasa aku suck bila nak berpujangga, bercintan-cintan. haha.

Sincerely from your student,
Ayu

Tersepit

2013-04-27T15:29:00.000+08:00

guess what, semalam ak pergi seremban. tempat yg sebenarnya ak xnak jejak lagi. I already wanna forget all bad memories there. But, it came out again. :(

Kau tahu betapa tersepitnya ak.. ak yang introvert dan memang sumpah giler xpandai nk bergaul dgn org..rasa macam terpinggir giler bila tengok kawan-kawan yg boleh rapat dgn "someone" who is their pangkat of course la lagi tinggi dari ak ni.. just a student..Like bestfriend.. they can interact with each other. Tambah tersepit bila jumpa dgn "someone" yg penah ad krisis dgn ak.

It's ok..walaupun "dia" xpandang ak langsung..and ak pon xtahu isi hati dia kan..ak dah minta maaf..so, it's up to her la whether dia nk maafkan ak dengan seikhlas hati dia ke x. dan tambah tersepit pulak bila "orang lain" yang tahu tragedi tu dok pandang-pandang ak. Ak mmg xpaham..Tapi, ak kuatkan hati, keep my head up..fake the smile..join the meeting eventhough I said nothing.
**adakah kawan2 ak tahu pasal tragedi tu??ak xsure wei..ak buat senyap je, xnak heboh. ;(

And ak bukan jenis org yg baik..I mean, kalau ak xberapa gemar org tu..ak xkan rapat dan buat2 baik dgn dia. better ak jauhkan diri..rather than being "talam dua muka". Kat dpn kau baik, kat belakang mengata punya xhengat. which one is better? Bagi ak la, baik ak lupakan je org tu. Maafkan semua salah silap..then lupakan everything about them. so, kira dah settle. Tapi, yg part nk lupakan tu..susah sebenarnya. Its better when we hurt outside, sebab luka tu kita boleh nampak..then bole sapu ubat..tapi, bila hurt inside especially heart..mana nak sapu ubat..it will heals as time goes, but the scar will remains inside forever.

To change susah kan? sebab ak dah memang mcm ni sejak kecil. Kalau boleh rapat pon, dgn kawan2 je. kalau dgn org yg pangkatnya lagi tinggi..ak rasa mcm ad gap and barrier segala bagai. Memang xbole..and ak pon ad ego sendiri.. ak xbole rapat dgn org yg dah rapat dgn org lain.. lagi la tersepit kalo mcm tu..

Even dgn kawan sendiri pon..ak jenis yang jealous and sensitive jugak sebenarnya..bila dorang keluar tanpa ak dan x inform ak lgsg pon..ak jadi sedih. Memang ak sgt sensitive..tapi, sekarang dah improve a lot sebab ak try to act cool. Do not bother about small matter.

Bila ak pikir2 balik..did they will remember me? Ak ni kawan yg baik x? Walaupun kadang2 ak annoying. but, did they feel hurt with my annoying part?

Confusing, but do not bother 'bout that.

**********if you happened to know me and read this..zip your mouth, ok :)**********

honeymoon phase =_=

2013-04-25T21:08:00.000+08:00

huwahuwahuwahuwahuwa...
sudah lama tak menjenguk ke belog ini..ada lagi rupanya..hikhik

yeay..sekarang hidup aku sgt bersenang-lenang.. rutin harian: tido..bangun..mandi..pergi beli makanan kat kafe..balik rumah bukak lappy..main game..meng'telaah' phone..tidor balik sampai laa pagi..heaven..heaven...dah practice untuk tanam anggur dah bila dah habis belaja nanti. ;p

orang cakap.."bersusah-susah dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian". Tapi, aku terbalik dah ni. Bersenang-senang like orang gilak, kesudahannya..haiz..xtahu la. it's gonna be a disaster @#$% nauzubillah...mintak jauh..shush..shush..

bila banyak waktu free, maka banyakla masa ak berpoya-poya..sebelum ni liat sangat nk baca novel..maka, at this moment..ak dah berjaya habiskan 2 novel.. punya nk gila ak khatamkan novel ni..adoiyai..

rutin lain adalah usha org kat FB..hakhakhakahak.. woah, rupa-rupanya bagus jugak ad laman sosial ni..dpt tahu perkembangan org lain.. banyak kawan dan senior yg ak kenal time kat maktab ak dulu dah kawen..cayala wei..xsangka kan..dah tua rupanya ak ni..tapi, perangai still x berubah..

the most happening thingy is bila dapat lepak dgn bestie..seronok gila nak mamp wes..sebab ak sedar, bila dah habis belaja..sah-sah susah nk jumpa..kalau jumpa pon xtahu la bole lagi nk jadi gila-gila mcm skrg..hope it could be..

haha..ak dah dpt imagine dah..bila jumpa nanti..mesti semua org dah beranak-pinak..bahagia dgn hidup masing2..hopefully. :)

tetiba rasa mcm sedih. ;(.. we never know what kind of life that awaits us ahead. huhu. takut.. takut kalau xdapat kerja..takut kalau xdapat jumpa MR.RIGHT..takut untuk berkeluarga.. takut untuk menghadapi pelbagai cabaran yg menanti.

for now: just enjoy this moment while it lasts. ok, cheer up! :)

Love,
Ayu

My clinical attachment was ended.

2013-04-06T00:39:00.001+08:00

5/4/13..
Tarikh keramat di mana berakhirnya my clinical attachment. A lot of things I wanna write, but It can't be expressed by words. Some will be remained in my heart. Done with presentation..I always do not care much about my performance. Slightly, I felt really disappointing with myself. Always take things for granted.

I just wanna wrap up everything beautifully. My title here is skema one. I don't care about that. I'll try my best to change it into something good. Try to think critically and out of the box.

There were lessons I've learned for my lifetime. Some sweet memories to be kept deep into my heart. Some bitter memories to be forgotten but, at the same time take it as a lesson. Try to be positive. Believe in myself. Be sociable, loving and caring. Proactive, hardworking.

THere's a lot of things I need to change for my own good. It will takes time. Not sure how long it's gonna take.. but, should I try it?

There were ups and downs....is this how life going on? Let's be strong..I've been through more than halfway of this journey... :)

Congrats to me and my friends! We all have gone through all of hardship. Congrat! CoNGRAT! Congrat!

Now, I can smile happily.. (*_______________________________________*)

Dream comes true!

2013-04-01T20:18:00.002+08:00

woah! this is my final week for clinical attachment. seronok! seronok! disebabkan seronok, ak telah membelanjakan duit ak yg sekarangnya tinggal hanya beberapa sen sahaja. NOOB...

Tapi, berbaloi what..ad rebate RM200..haha, ak dah guna da...

THEN, HERE IS MY PRESENT FOR MYSELF FOR ACCOMPLISHING CLINICAL ATTACHMENT...AFTER ALL THOSE BAD AND GOOD EXPERIENCES!

Touched

2013-03-27T23:46:00.000+08:00

I really thought too much..

When I think about it back, it's actually my fault. It was my stupid act that hurts everyone around me. I feel really bad..and I don't know how to recover it back to normal. SORRY is not able to bring everything back to normal. I feel bad to my friends who always supporting me. My family..which I also don't know whether I can repay all of their sacrifices to me or not.

Yes, everyone had ups and downs in life. I think this time is gonna be mine. Just follow what others said..

" Don't think too much, be strong! Everything will be alright in the end, smile."

" Memaafkan lagi senang dari simpan dalam hati..Forgive, forget and keep moving forward. Be cool as I always be."

Seremban, 11.45pm 27/3/13

BAD LUCK

2013-03-27T19:27:00.000+08:00

Ya Allah, susahnya nk menghadapi dugaan ni...please, keep me strong.

The first two weeks, my life here seems to be easier than anyone. Sebab aku dpt tmpt yg sama. xperlu masa utk adapt or kenal org di sekeliling ak. Tapi, apa yg berlaku..sebaliknya..

Ya, ak admit yg ak dah buat kesalahan besar dlm hidup. Ak xpatut buat benda tu. Bole tersalah send mesej..tapi, ak dah minta maaf dan rasa sangat bersalah. Today, as I expected..it became awkward between "us". And the bad thing is..it's also affects my friends. I felt guilty for that for the whole of my life..really. ;(

No one back me up. Even, boss..I really felt suffocated here.

And bad thing added to my worse luck..my home was robbed.

Ya Allah. Dugaan yg kau berikan...tabahkan lah hati aku, keluarga dan kawan-kawan ak. ;(

buhsan =_=

2013-01-24T20:51:00.000+08:00

hooooo..dah lama x memberontak di sini.

byk benda berlaku, byk yg dipendam..byk benda yg terpaksa dipikirkan..dunia, dunia..
first worst thing for 2013 is TEAR. I really hate cry, tapi..sebab aku manja, yes..need to admit it..mmg manja, bila kena sikit..nangis, nangis..;(

yesterday is the worst day for me. org lain sedang happy dok buat foodservice, aku dok nangis kat sini. that darn pakcik, berani serang aku time aku tgh bagi talk. agak-agak la pakcik. kalau pakcik tnya soklan psl talk yg saya bagi..saya xkesah..tapi, pakcik dok tanya soklan yg saya xboleh nk jawab dan bahas dgn pakcik. pakcik nk complain, xpayah nk complain dkt saya. saya STUDENT je pakcik, saya xboleh buat hape-hape kalau pkcik complain kat saya. tetiba pakcik xpuas hati dgn kerajaan, pakcik luah kat saya. pakcik ingat saya ni ahli politik ke hape. saya makan gaji dgn kerajaan pon x. saya hanya diberi biasiswa untuk melanjutkan pelajaran. saya xsuka bila pakcik tanya soklan berbaur politik..sebab saya anti-politik. dan saya xnak hamek tahu walau sebesar zarah pon pasal itu. saya xkesah lah org nk ckp saya bodoh ke hape, duduk dlm dunia sendiri ke hape.. saya xkesah. we never know who's right and wrong. DUNIA...

bila pakcik serang saya dpn ramai2 org, sya tergamam..sy xtahu nk jawab mcm mana..pada awalnya confident level saya menggunung, selepas tragedi tu sehingga saat akhir talk diberi..saya tabahkan hati, tahan dan lawan perasaan sedih saya..teruskan bagi talk walaupun suara dah mula sebak..saya sabar..walaupun mata saya dah berair tunggu saat air mata nk mengalir je..bila keluar dari bilik tu je, air mata saya terus mengalir..mcm air terjun pakcik.. sampai teresak-esak saya nangis sebab pakcik..pakcik org kedua yg saya ingat pernah buat saya nangis teresak-esak sampai mcm tu.

pakcik tahu..hati saya ni rapuh pakcik. kalau kena marah, perli, ejek..saya xmampu nk terima semua tu. pakcik dah rosakkan mood saya for the whole day. sampai bila saya nk tido malam pon, saya masih ingat apa mcm mana pakcik serang saya tu..bila saya nk cerita dekat boss, dia pulak mcm xberapa nk layan cerita saya. itu lagi buat saya frustrated teramat sangaaaat.

mcm mana saya nk cerita dkt org, nak try percaya dkt org bila x seorg pon yg sudi untuk pinjamkan telinga mereka untuk saya. setakat dengar sahaja tetapi tidak memahami pon xmemadai. DUNIA.. MEMANG LAH..

It's suffocated, u know!

2013-01-07T23:40:00.000+08:00

aaarrgghh..i don't know why I felt so suffocated right now. x sedap hati gila. entah kenapa..
Ya Allah, I hope nothing's bad happen.

Today is my first day attachment for foodservice. Punya la neves sebab hotak mmg blur bab2 foodservice. clinical pon fail. apa la skill yg aku ada sebenarnya.

One word. Agak STRESS ye di sini. I didn't expect that I will still handle clinical here instead of foodservice alone. Aku baru daydreaming nak enjoy sebab hanya "foodservice". No need to use hotak, just use keringat. tapi, what will happened we never know. sob, sob..

Dah la ketua jabatan mmg sgt baik dgn member aku yg attach kat sini before. Jeles melihat org yg pandai bergaul dan rapat dgn org lain. sedangkan aku, susah sgt nk mesra dgn org. urgh..stress di situ.

Dah la skill clinical x tip top jugak. tension bila akan di compare kan dgn org lain. Mereka best student, while I'm not.

Sorry to say that I didn't like how lecturer or whoever that assigned us for our placement for food service. Nampak sgt cam discrimination. Yes, I know that I'm not the best....

Sedih bila memikirkan..aku sgt berharap aku boleh jadi positive person. Bila kat depan org, aku yg galakkan mereka be positive. But, instead in my mind..it was really damn hard to be a positive person. Yes, it was one of the reason why I felt really suffocated right now. Feel like crying but there's no tears. "Open your mind" But, I don't know on how to open my mind. Enjoy the practical life. But, I don't know the exact way to enjoy it. Do not compare our self with others. But, people still keep comparing us with others.

"Don't be stress. Just go on with your life. No matter how good you're perform..no matter how best your placement was. Once you graduated later, only luck and rezeki from Allah that will make your different from others" - Super super senior.

my 22nd birthday

2012-12-19T21:52:00.001+08:00

dgn lafaz syukur..Alhamdulillah, ya Allah. aku masih lagi bernyawa sehingga ke saat ini. Sudeh 22 tahun rupanya aku kat dunia ni. ngeh3~

As usual, nothing special happened on my birthday. dan aku bukanlah jenis yg celebrate birthday mcm org lain..siap partyyyy.xde nya weyh. baru beberapa kali je aku celebrate birthday. naif x? xpon. muahahaha.

Dulu, celebrate birthday pon setakat tukar2 hadiah ngn kawan aku je, Emi. Sebab birthday dia dekat2 dgn aku, 18/12. Selalunya birthday kami jatuh pada hari cuti sekolah. Jadi, time tu ktorang akan jumpa dan bagi hadiah kat masing2. sweet je.. :)

Then, dekat matrix sekali. Kawan aku, Timah ngan Ika put a prank on me. Depa siap buat masterplan ngn roomate aku, Zetty, Husna and Niza baling telur + minyak kat muka aku. Habes bau telur melekat kat badan aku 3 bulan. Overrr kau...terharu sampai nak nangis. HAHA

Dekat U pon sekali jugak celebrate. My dearest housemate, Erk, Ana, Rene, Fariha and Ain once again put a prank bila baling tepung, conteng kat KePop poster aku. Dan dapat Smurfette comelll! dorang sangat sporting. and I love them!

Dekat rumah pon sekali je celebrate. bila mak aku buat2 x ingat aku punya birthday. aku punya la sedih x hengat. tiba-tiba atas meja nampak ada kek. wow! aku terharu sampai berair mata. hehe

Terima kasih kepada yg masih mengingati diri aku ni. walaupun aku pon. kadang2 bukan nk ingat birthday org, harapkan Facebook je. walaupun xde celebration or what, cukup lah dgn wish yg mendoakan hidup aku dirahmati Allah selalu. aku harap korang pon sentiasa dirahmati Allah. AMMINN~

22 TAHUN. SATU TITIK BARU. WISH AKU, BIARLAH RAHSIA. HAHAHAHAHA

weak student??

2012-12-17T19:48:00.000+08:00

oh hoi!!! yabidabeduuuuu....
tetiba rajen nk berblogging..FYI, aku sekarang tgh bekerja@berpraktikal. disebabkan dietitian is not around, letssssss parttttyyyyyy!!!!*joget2* HAHAHAHA

apesal tajok post mcm haraammmm, sensitip jewww??..*gedix* dush!!
ini punya post bukan ntok mengata, mengumpat or mengejek sesiapa. Post ini tiada kaitan dgn yg hidop ataupun yg telah mati, okkaaayyy.. post ini adalah salah satu sesi luahan hati aku yg asyik dok meluah perasaan jer kejenya. eden stressss, kome mana tau..=p

Firstly, siapa weak student in my batch?? ans: no doubt, it's me, dude!! bukan mahu bangga or what..tapi, that's reality I need to realize before anybody else. stress ke? stresss giler. what if lecturers compare me with other friends? I think I will be insane. ok, itu tipu..

Ya Allah..sapa yg suka tergolong dlm kalangan yg lemah? aku pon x hingin. walaupun aku xtahu la exactly aku ni tergolong in that "weak list" or not. But, aku yakin and confident la weyhh. ada nama aku kat situ. and now I'm really speechless and emotionless. xtahu nak gembira, sedih, murung, devastated? oh ho. Actually, aku rasa la..selama aku berpraktikal ni..aku boleh je buat apa yg dietitian nak. But, maybe there were some part where I need to improve. Kalau la lecturer nk evaluate based on evaluation done by dietitian, aku rasa mcm no prob je. *poyo je lebih*

Sejak dulu lagi, asyik kena je dgn lecturer. Sebab muka blur yg obvious bila kena tnya soklan xdpt jwb..padahal org lain pon blur jugak..tp, dorang pndai cover line. Malang la bagi manusia mcm aku ni yg asyik blur and it was so obvious to be identified. Then, this coming presentation..I bet ak mmg akan kena hentam habis-habisan beb!

post ni mcm ak hapy je dok cite, tapi sebenarnya it's a full of frustration actually. sob la. ok, bye!

kosong 0_0

2012-12-11T23:17:00.000+08:00

jiwa kosong..
sebenarnya aku xtahu pon apa kah maknanya jiwa kosong? adakah xde perasaan? what ever..

"everybody has their own life"..tetiba, yeah..benda ni, aku asyik terpikir je dalam hati..sebab hape? sebab semua org yg aku kenal dan rapat dgn aku semuanya dah jauh sgt2 dari aku. and that's made me feel really sad, u know..;(

aku adalah insan yg sgt rapat dgn makcik, pakcik aku..*semua org pelik, macam mana boleh rapat ngn pak & makcik ni?* sebenarnya ada makhluk lain yg sama spesies dgn aku, si Rene. dia pon sama, rapat dgn makcik2 dia. so, aku xpelik lah kan. dolu, zaman kecik-kecik..still fresh in memory, bila aku jadi mak turut pakcik & makcik aku. tolong jadi posmen hantar love letter kat rumah sebelah. padahal rumah sebelah tu saudara kami jerk. entah pape, HAHA. then, ikot pakcik & makcik aku masok hutan. sebab dorang bina rumah atas pokok. comell giler. aku penah naek sekali je rumah pokok tu. gayat seyh. then, ikot pakcik aku pegi tangkap ikan. penah satu kali, aku dgn sepupu-sepapat aku ramai2 jadi pak turut pakcik aku mengembara sampai ke hujung sungai. dahsyat. ala-ala dah dekat gunung-ganang dah. seram je. naseb bek xdak pakcik gajah keluar dari bukit. hehe.
Tapi....
sekarang, semuanya dah berkeluarga. punya family dan anak2 sendiri..our relationship was not close as back then. sob sob..bila fikir balik, I really miss those memories damn much!

***************************SWEET MEMORIES**************************

Lagi satu cerita..

member aku selalu ckp, "Kau ni Ayu, xpayah la tgk romantic movie..bukan ada perasaan pon" adakah statement di atas betol? jawapannya, salah sama sekali. gilak kah perempuan melayu terakhir macam aku ni xde perasaan? xminat romantic movie? love story? sorryyyy...aku xde la sampai ke tahap xde perasaan. paling xpon, aku menguap je dalam cinema kalau tgk cerita. sapa yg xsuka love story. heoll~*Rene ni, suka sgt ckp heoll..see, dah terpengaruh sudeh* tapi, the reality is I really like love story, romantic movie..sampai bole buat aku angau, senyum sorang2. PSY tetiba. tapi, semua love story, romantic movie..all those is fairy tale for me. memang la ada kesah2 romantic cam kat dlm movie tu, tapi..reality nya susah sgt nk dicari woiii. Bak kata Maroon 5, "All those fairy tale are full of shi*". Sebab tu la, aku xberapa nak favor of romantic movie, love story and spesies2 yg sama waktu dgn nya. Sebab, aku ni senang sgt hanyut dibawa alam fantasi. I kept reminding of myself "Woi, itu fantasy, not reality. WAKE UP!"

NOW, teros terang aku cakap..aku tgh angau. ok, sekian..

But, I dare not to dream high. Because I didn't deserve any of that like others would had. Life was so unfair..I don't know why I had that crappy thought in my mind. Frankly speaking, it's about jodoh. Everybody (my friends la) keep worrying to find a partner. A partner that will bring us to Jannah and a partner that will be with us forever and hereafter. Me, hope so. But, jodoh..di tangan Allah. keep believing that...

A pause to reflect...

2012-12-08T16:25:00.001+08:00

hidup ini, Allah dah tentukan segala-galanya untuk setiap hambanya. betol. aku setuju. hari tu, tetiba tertengok Tanyalah Ustazah kat tv9..tajok nya pasal doa mustajab. hurm, menarik2..so, aku layan je walaupun tertidor di tgh jln. tengah hari kot, perot lapo..ok, back to the topic.

Ustazah ada diskuskan, kenapa walaupun kita dah berdoa siang malam, tapi sampai sekarang pon Allah still x makbulkan doa kita? kenapa? kenapa? wonder why kan? aku pon sama!

Setiap yg berlaku mesti ada sebabnya. Same goes with this.
Jawapannya:
1) Mungkin lah time kita berdoa tu kita tak bersungguh2. men sambil lewa je. Sebab doa yg kita mintak tu tiap2 hari, jadi dah boleh hafal pon. tut tut dah Ameen..jadi tiada kesungguhan di situ, macam mana Allah nk makbulkan? betol dok?
2) jawapan ni plg aku suka..kenapa Allah masih tak makbulkan doa kita? mungkin sebab Allah nk simpan dulu..kalau zaman muda2 kau berdoa xdapat, mungkin bila hari tua doa tu termakbul. kalau still x termakbul jugak, kau dah meninggal pon..mungkin kat akhirat kelak. kau nak dpt cash kat dunia or akhirat? kau pikirlah sendiri. tepuk dada, tanya iman. heee.

kadang2 kita wonder, I meant, aku la wonder. kenapa minah tu, ek elehh..dah la free hair, smexy, kaya-raya, body lawa, muka cantik, dpt pulak husband ensem gila, anak comel..kenapa life ni x adil!!!
jawapannya: Allah sahaja la yg mengetahui segala-galanya. Allah dah tentukan segala-lanya yg terbaik untuk hamba-hambanya. termasuk lah diri aku. mungkin la org2 yg aku maksudkan di atas, yg ada segala-galanya di dunia ni..Allah bagi je..Allah nak uji mereka, adakah mereka tergolong dalam kalangan org yg beriman atau kufur? kalau la mereka kufur dgn nikmat yg Allah dah bagi.. maka, adalah balasan Allah terhadap mereka iaitu Neraka. kaya, cantik, pandai..tapi, kufur..nak ke? soklan kpd diri sendiri. "xnak!"
tapi, ada jugak segelintir org yg xdpt nikmat di dunia..tapi, still tergolong dlm kalangan yg kufur. Nauzubillah..

**so, sama-sama la kita reflect diri masing2 supaya kita sentiasa tergolong dalam kalangan yg beriman dan dijauhkan la dari sifat kufur ini.

(Hamba yg penuh dgn dosa, 2012)

"Change for good ain't a crime" -HLovate, Versus

2012-12-07T00:14:00.002+08:00

wah, tetiba ak jadi peminat HLovate dowh..

this weekend, balik rumah..tgk2 my lil brother yg baru je habes SPM tgh syok dok baca novel Versus ni..iyoooo...adeq ak..xsangka! tapi, memang ak dah tahu pon..dia neh jenis mcm ni..layan novel jugaks..haha..tapi, dia xlembut oke!!!!

sedang dok ak tgk, xtgk dia baca novel tu..ak teringin jugak nk baca..yela..novel HLovate kan besh nk mamp.. romantic, berilimiah..yesh, jarang ada novel malay yg mcm ni. ni la satu-satunya hasil karya orang malay yg bole ak katakan SUPERB, MARVELOUS, JELOUS!!!!

***************previous entry (last week lagi tulis, but as a draft je*****************

hari ni, hari khamis (6/12/12):

jiwa kacau seyh. tempat keje tadi, guwa kena tegor dgn dietitian. eh, tetiba guwa. hah, lantak la. entah la, actually, guwa benci gak ngn attitude guwa yg xberapa nk baeks ni. bila kena tegor sikit, cepat sgt rasa irritate. PMS ke hape. guwa kena tegor sebab xbuat assessment dgn baek. sbb guwa mls. leceh seyh nak tnya satu2..dgn keadaan patient yg xberapa nk mengizinkan guwa untuk menginterview. SERIOUSLY, bila kena tegor tu..guwa rasa macam hampeh, haprak..semua ada. memang betol, keje dietitian ni mmg leceh. tapi, apa yg dietitian tegor tu actually betol. guwa bole je terima. tapi, entah la..tetiba sensitip byk..guwa, kalau ada something wrong..expression muka pasti cepat berubah. kompem 150% dietitian tu perasan. hadoih. susah jugak bila jadi org yg senang dikenal pasti expression mukanya bila berubah.

lepas tu, guwa actually rasa bersalah dgn dietitian tu sbb guwa buat lagak samseng. tambah satu masalah pulak, bila guwa bagi kaunseling panjang pulak. *padahal xde la lama sgt kot* uish uish..

partner guwa ada cerita lps tu, dietitian komen.

"Ayu tu byk ckp pulak. Ckp yg berkaitan sudeh la"

ok, fine. guwa sedih, keciwa, dissapointed dgn diri guwa. guwa xtahu nk lepaskan perasaan kat sape. nak ckp ngn partner guwa..dia mcm bukan jenis yg suka dgr mslh org. guwa sedih dan stress sgt. tapi, guwa ada citer jugak perasaan guwa dkt dia, tapi..entah, xpuas hati..did not get a really good response..

pastu guwa texted guwa punye member, si polan ni..kdg2 kalo guwa stress guwa kan text dia. ada la jugak response dari dia.

"muka aku kalo berubah, kontra x? bole perasan?

nak jugak guwa tahu pendapat org, sebab guwa pon xtahu mcm mana org view guwa. kalau xbaek, guwa bole cuba berubah dan improve. tapi, dia bole buat lawak bodoh plak. ok, fine..xdpt jawapan. guwa stress, baru je nk start luahkan perasaan. terbuku je la. tapi, partner guwa habaq, mmg bole perasan kalau expression muka guwa berubah ke hape. in conclusion, mesti dietitian tadi bole perasaan expression muka guwa berubah bila kena tegor. sob..sob..

ni la masalahnya, bila xde best friend, ANTI-SOCIAL mcm guwa. bila ada problem, xtahu nk luah perasaan kat sapa. nak luah kat mak..guwa bukan jenis yg suka luah perasaan kat org even kat mak sekalipon. sebab kwn yg sama2 hadapi bende same, jadi guwa pon berani la nk luahkan kalau ada any prob.

guwa rasa suffocated giler. really. sebab byk sgt bende dan prob yg guwa pendam sorang2. yg xdapat nk diluahkan kepada org lain. kdg2 mcm nak nangis pon ada. baru je pls tgk movie korea, SUNNY tajoknya. it's all about friendship. really, guwa sgt jealous bila tgk citer pasal friendship.

FRIENDS..

They will always with us during easy and hard time....

Genuine friends listen thoughtfully to our sorrows, laugh with us and celebrate our joy and victories as though they were their own.

A true friend patiently accepts our imperfections, ever ready to offer encouragement and hope during hard times.

(Luahan hati seorang anti social)

jiwa kacau

2012-11-22T21:14:00.001+08:00

dengan bangganya ak ingin menyatakan di sini bahawa jiwa ak tgh kacau bilau due to homesick melampau..

seminggu dok rumah beb! mana x homesick..nk kembali bekerja pon xdak mood. really! ZERO!

during break, ak plak yg demam. who took care of me? my mom la..

ak sentiasa jadi anak yg xkenang budi my mom..really..

dan ak selalu put blame on my mom..because I thought she never understand me. bila ak sakit, dia yg bawakkan ubat..bawakkan makanan..dem! that's really made me cry regretting what I have done for her. My mom did everything eventhough I'm already old enough to do it all on my own.

siyes weh. setiap kali ak down, ak mesti cuba kuatkan semangat. ditambah ak sgt tidak suka berpraktikal kat HUSM ni, makin down la ak rasa untuk habiskan sisa2 praktikal. walaupun, still halfway to go..tetapi, lepas ni foodservice..harap2 ak dpt bernafas sedikit.

bila balik je dari kerja, waktu berlalu sgt la pantas. kejap je dah malam. balik mesti ngantok giler. kadang2, xsempat nk mandi..dah tertido. bila dah malam..cepat pulak rasanya dah pagi..dan kena get ready ntok pegi bekerja. this is my boring life cycle every day.

kadang2, ak selalu je dok perhati..tgk kehidupan org lain. adakah mereka enjoy, bahagia dan gembira dgn hidop dorang?? sedangkan ak, hanya Allah je yg tahu..bagaimana setiap hari ak terpaksa cekalkan hati pergi berpraktikal.

sumpah, secara jujurnya..kalau diberi another chance, i will never choose this course. kenapa? sebab byk sebab. praktikal dah la setahun. melampau beb. ak rela bukak buku, pergi lecture.. baik ak jadi doctor, boleh treat patient..yes, dietitian pon boleh bntu patient jugak..tapi, ak rasa people will hard to listen and obey with things related to food. bukan nak kata kat patient je la..even ak sendiri pon susah nk kawal bende2 untuk makan ni. kau akan dpt title dr free2 je, tapi kdg2 ak fed up bila dipanggil dr walaupun ak xlayak pon untuk dpt title tu. so, ak rasa sgt menympah bila ada org pggil ak dr...sbb ak bukan dr..

tapi, yes..semua ni ketentuan takdir. nak tak nak, ak kena terima la no matter how hard it was. ak nekad yg i will just go thru with everything without thinking about anything. i will go with the flow. walaupun stress, move on je la. ni la salah satu cara hidup yg sebelum ni xde arah tujuan. kalau la ak dpt turn back time, kalau laa.....

holidayyyyyy mariiiii!!!!!!

2012-11-11T14:56:00.000+08:00

hooorayyyyy! cuti! holiday! break!

ak pon ada cuti sekolah jugak! seminggu! kih3~kepada kawan2 yg x bercuti, harap bersabar..mungkin nex time akan tiba turn anda. hehe

alaaa..cuti pon, bukan syiok sgt..boring giler kot dok umah.huwahuwahuwa...

dah la hujan, terperap je dalam rumah..tv time ak nk tgk, rosak plak..bukak 10 minit, padam..spoil mood betol la.baru nk layan KBS..bla..bla..kpop lagi!

bila rasa boring rindu plak kt member sekepala ak. hihi. kan best kalau dpt lepak sama2. heolll~

ice skating..teringat memori kat situ..
first time pegi men ice skating, jakon giler beb! Haha. asek berpaut kat dinding mcm spiderman. back then, ak gelak2 kt org..skrg maybe org gelak kat ak.hamek kau!

teringat si budak kecik yg comel..bila tgk ak asek jatuh, tetiba dia hulurkan tgn..nk pimpin ak. and opkos la dia teror nk mamp skate. haha. bila dia hulurkan tgn, ak tnpa segan silu teros sambut tgn dia..allaaa, budak apa la sgt...ooppss~tapi, ak pakai glove okeyyy! so, berlapik...haha. lagipon time tu maybe dia kesian giler tgk ak jatuh byk kali. omaigooodddd!!bila teringat balik, rasa nk campak je muka ni masok tong sampah. segan nyaaaaa!! budak itu sgt sweettt okeeyy! siap ajar ak lgi how to skate. haha. tapi, ak xpandai dan xbole nk ikot. fobia jatuh byk kali woo! before dia blah, sempat lagi dia pesan "akak, jgn jatuh lagi ye" omai goodnesss! how sweet. kenapa awak masih budak2????haha, hati ak pon dah cair even budak2. nanti besar, kompem gentleman. kih3~

new setting, new experience^^

2012-11-01T21:19:00.001+08:00

yo!whasssuuppp~
untuk makluman semua umat manusia di planet bumi, ak dgn bangganya ingin menyatakan bahawa ak telah pon menamatkan status student praktikal di hospital Terengganu. Dan tiba masanya ak kembali ke tempat asalku. kah kah kah.

Hepiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii beb! dapat balik rumah..
dan bermula lah kisah hidup ak di HUSM sebagai student dietitian......

first experience..okes..not so bad..tapi, yg satu buat ak terkejot bila semua nurse pakai baju kaler purple..haha.tercengang ak beb..sebab dah biasa tgk nurse pakai baju kaler putih..bila tgk dorang pakai kaler purple ni, agak janggal la sikit.kui3~

dan berbeza plak dgn staf hosp eg doctor, pharmacist, dietitian..kat sini dorang xde pkai white coat bila tgk or rawat patient. guess what??kalau ternampak ramai2 yg pakai white coat tu..haaa. student la tu. may be medic student, dietitian student..hehe..so, xkan ada org yg tersalah panggil dr ke hape..sebab yg pakai white coat hanyalah student..a white is just a white coat only! terbalik kang..bila kat terengganu dulu, kalau pakai white coat je,sah2 dapat title dr free2..tapi, kat sini..no more! ;P

Sebab kat sini terlalu ramai student, so ak xberapa suka sgt. Harap2 there's something good here!

imperfection

2012-10-21T19:19:00.003+08:00

o tai wan mei..%$##@&%$#..tetiba lagu super junior yg keluar..ooppss!

okes. hari ni my partner, SH namanya..sama-sama praktikal ngn gua kt HSNZ. dia dok la mengadu yg dia sgt stress bila dikomen oleh dietitian. Okeh. ak xbole ckp byk, so ak just dgr dan mencelah sikit2 je. sebab, bukan dia je yg penah experience benda tu. ak pon penah. sampai nk menangis pon ada.

nak kata dietitian xkomen ak, ada jugak. belambak. tapi, yg hairannya satu pon xmasok dlm kepala hotak ak ni. Maybe teguran yg dilemparkan xberapa nk keras or mungkin kah hati ak dah jadi hati batu??? entah. pikir la sendiri. Ak rasa dietitian kat sini semua baik. Dorang ada la tegor, tp ak amek semua tu sebagai komen yg membina. maybe sebab tu la ak x terasa sgt bila ditegor.

ak sedar yang ak still lacking especially counseling part. Masa first2 ikot Puan A, ak maen selamba je counsel diabetic patient without using CHO counting or pamphlet. apa yg ak guna hanya lah air liuq ak yg xbapa nk berharga ni. haha. sebab, time ak praktikal kt HKB dulu, dietitian ak penah cakap "Kita dietitian ni, xde pape pon nk ditawarkan untuk patient, kecuali air liur kita" HeHe. sebab tu la ak guna je air liur ak ni. Energy requirement for patient pon ak xkira. Bila dah habes jumpa patient baru kira. So, kerja ak quite senang la time kat KB dulu. xpayah nk menggelabah kira2 energy intake & requirement. buat kalut je. But then, bila datang HSNZ..a lot of new things ak belajar. Puan A ajar MESTI kena kira energy intake patient and educate them on CHO counting. Time tu, ak mesti menggelabah. mana nk kira energy requirement, mana nk tnya diet intke, nak kira lagi..haha..lama-kelamaan ok la.not so bad. xde la lama sgt ak amek masa nk kira semua tu. First time counsel, memang berterabur. ak pon frust dgn diri sendiri. Puan A ada bagi nasihat dan teguran. So, ak improve myself with that. Alhamdulillah, at the end of the attachment with her, she said she can see an improvement from me. :) Actually that's what I want to hear. Not that, I AM THE BEST or what. Just a good improvement is enough for me. But, she kept commenting on my unclear voice. Haha. I also don't realize that. LOL~

Bila ikot Puan M, yes..ak sgt takot actually dgn dia. Sebab dietitian lain penah cerita yg dia sgt garang dgn student. Oh ho. Mati seyh ak. Dah la ak ni lembab, pemalas xsoh kata la. HeHe. Accidentally, she incharged for renal ward. Ok. Ak angkat tgn awal2 kalau bab renal ni. ak memang la sgt lemah. Kaunseling hari first, ak copy paste je style dia. HaHa. sampai dia tegor, "haih, saya tgk awak tiru style saya je, xmau..saya nk tgk awak guna style awak sendiri" Yes. Memang pon. sebab ak risau kalau ak guna style ak, kucar kacir la jawabnya. She really talk to me direct that I'm still weak with the counseling part. Actually, ak nk je nangis bila dgr mcm tu. HoHO. tapi, ak tahan je. tapi, dia selalu ckp "yela, awak kan still student..memang la xmahir lagi bab2 kaunseling..banyakkan membaca, luaskan pandangan" ak xtahu la kenapa dia baek sgt sedangkan dgn student yg lama dia sgt garang. adakah muka ak ni mcm muka mintak simpati??HaHa. Tapi, the one thing I can't resist when she said my documentation was good. HeHe. Dalam hati...yeeeeehaaaaaw! at least, ad la something yg good. kah3..

Sekarang, ak ikot Cik B. Wow! Surgical ward. really crowded with patient. sampai ak xde masa nk berehat lgsg. Lepas naik ward, kena buat notes. Then, log book pon xsempat nk buat. Mati la. minggu ni dah minggu last. I have missed about 1 month for logbook. Pemalas tahap dewa beb. sekarang baru gua menyesal. rasa nk hentak2 je kepala ni ke dinding bagi berkecai.. oops~over!
Bila attach dgn Cik B, fuiyoh~byk yg belajar..tentang Ryle's Tube feeding. First time jugak ak rasa nk pengsan bila tgk patient yg dgn jahitan kat kepala, berdarah..semangat ak lemah gila wooo bila masok surgical ward ni. ada yg patah kaki sebab MVA, cancer la.. ak tunduk je bila masok ward ni sbb ak memang xbole tgk patient yg macam tu. ak rasa bersalah sebab rasa geli dan takot. ;( tapi, sekarang ak cuba kuatkan semangat. ada satu kali, ak kena ukur panjang lengan satu patient ni...sebabnya nk tahu ketinggian badan. Then, tgh ak nk angkat tgn patient ni..btw, this patient in unconscious..tetiba patient ni terkeluar suara. restless maybe. melayang ak punya tape ntah ke mana. patient kat sebelah dah tgk pelik. HaHa. segan giler ak. dgn dietitian dn patient sekali. Dan....satu benda yg ak takot dan sedih bila bukak patient's note..dekat situ tetiba keluar discharge..discharge bukan sebab keluar hospital, tapi..sebab meninggal or deceased. Hati ak akan berdebar2 bila tgk perkataan discharge..sedih kalo ak penah bercakap2 dgn patient tu. Tetiba patient tu dah xde. Penah ada satu hari ak attach kat CCU (Critical Care Unit), patient yg ak handle was really well actually..just having poor oral intake. Ak sempat la tanya, bercakap2 dgn pakcik ni..tapi, bila ak dtg keesokkannya..pakcik ni dah xsedar..meracau2 due to uremic syndrome. Ak memang terkejot. Bila pakcik ni unconscious, ak sempat lagi tgk muka dia. tenang je. Then, the next week..his condition actually worsen..but then, after few days..keep improving. From Ryle's Tube, he can actually shifted to oral..I was really excited when I heard that news from my dietitian. The next morning, when I look at his notes..the word discharged again appear on the screen..at the top of the screen..I saw a word DECEASED! I just want to cry out loud when I looked at that. Because all my conversation with him came right away in my mind. Sob sob. May Allah bless him and all my patient. Everyone will die, but it's either soon or later.

***********************(^^)*************************

Actually, sebagai manusia biasa yg hina ni, kita plaing susah nk terima hakikat yg kita salah..tremasuk lah diri ak. sebab, kita EGO actually. So, lets say bye to EGO! I hope I can accept other's advice and tegoran. Because from that, I think I can learn what's my mistake. Come on! Keep fighting^^

a white coat is not just a white coat^^

2012-10-19T22:31:00.003+08:00

Yo!!!

Mood malas untuk berblogging sudah kian meningkat! Al-maklum la, jiwa xberapa nk kacau sgt sekarang..jadi xperlu la sgt nk meluahkan perasaan. Just left 1 week for me in Terengganu. Hurm~I'm gonna miss here, really. :) Actually, nak kata sedih xla sgt..just one word keep playing in my head "HOME" xsabar nk balik rumah!

"A white coat isn't just a white coat". Ooops~mcm kenal ayat ni??haha. sory, copy paste from Puan Seri Datin Saiyidatul Shufwah. ngeh2. Selama berpraktikal di Terengganu as a student dietitian, I got so many title here. Dr, pharmacist...dan tidak ada satu pon dietitian. sobs~;(

Ini adalah kenyataannya, bila pakai je white coat..ramai yg akan tersalah anggap! LOL~

Sebab student dietitian pon akan pakai white coat bila naik ke wad, jadi akn bercampur aduk la semua kakitangan hospital bila berada dlm wad yg sama. ada dr, pharmacist, physio,dan x kurang jugak dietitian. Hihi. yg lawak nya, bila ak naik wad..ada jugak yg panggil ak dr. oh ho! segan gila. hari tu, ada sorg makcik ni..dia staff nurse. Ak just tanya "bed ticket mana ye kak?" jawabnya "Oh, dr..kejap nya..nanti saya tnya adik nurse yg praktikal tu. Maka, bersungguh-sungguh la makcik nurse itu mencari2 bed ticket yg ak nak. "Macam mana ak nk ckp ak bukan dr ni???" Then, dia dtg sekali lagi.."Dr, xde la. maybe ada dgn Sister kot, dr try tanya kt dalam" Ak bermonolog sendiri2, cewwah "oih, sedar diri! ko bukan dr..cpt ckp ngn makcik tu!!"hee,saya bukan dr..saya dietitian" word student ak hilangkan ikot suka hati ak je. Muka makcik tu mcm terkejot! "Oh, yeke? xpela dik, mcm dr jugak la nanti" Hihi. xmahu dipanjangkan cerita, ak pon balas je dgn senyuman je. :)

Bila naik ward jugak, even student nurse yg maybe ada di antara sebaya dgn ak pon memanggil ak dr. Omaigoddd!!! tua sgt ke ak ni??? sedih la.lama-kelamaan, ak jadi sebal bila dipanggil dr. Dr2 yg real kat wad tu mesti dah mengutuk dalam hati. Senang2 je dpt title free of charge lagi. Oooops! Bukan salah kami sebenarnya. ;p

Bila berada dalam ward mengadap lappy untuk membuat note after see the patient, para dr. pasti akan memandang pelik kat ak. Dan common question is "Pharmacist ke??" Dan, ada sekali dr bertanya my dietitian..jawab dietitian ak "Eh, tu student saya" Bwahahaha. nak tergelak ak bila dgr camtu. Then, dietitian ak pulak usik2 cakap ak muka pharmacist! Oh, damn! I wanna be a dietitian. Not doctor or pharmacist. Then, why would they look at me not as a student??? I really hate of being mature, actually. sobs~

I really can't understand (#_#)

2012-10-16T20:42:00.000+08:00

Yo! :)

After a hectic day yesterday and op kos la today..today was my case presentation! Omaaigood! Hanya Allah je yg tahu perasaan ak macam mana. Jantung nak burst macam nk terkeluar semua aorta, artery...

2 days before presentation, bole plak tertinggal slide dgn berukbang kat opis. Dem! So, bersenang-lenang la ak 2 days ago. Then, semalam baru bertungkus-lumus menyiap dan membetulkan slide. Dengan xcukop tido, bgn pagi..really delirium dowh! Melayang2 je ase. Apa-apa jadi ak just redha e untuk presentation hari ni. Ak selalu je doa agar lembutkan hati dietitian ak.hik3..supaya mereka x tanya banyak soklan sgt!

Then, done with my presentation on 3.30 pm. Yes. I actually did not really satisfied with it. I don't even know on how to do the best for the management. Bila melihatkan dietitian mengelengkan kepala, ok..it's really dissapointed me. Luckily, they did not give me any uncomfortable expression. Even though, they did not ask me many question..I really wonder what they think about my presentation. Bored?? Owh, please. I just don't wanna think about that. But, I really need to take it all the comment at positive side. My partner was so good. I can see huge differences between us. Ok, dah. Stop kat sini. Let it go. :)

Reward for myself, I bought another new dress. Really, this dress are meant for me. Haha. This morning, it sold out already. When I look at back, it still available. Oh ho, sometimes..we should reward ourself no matter how good or bad we perform, right?? :)

Wishlist:

~~Buy present for my friends (DONE)~~

Gosh! I really love Rilakkuma Bear. But, I bought it for my friend. hik3~ cute! Someone, please give me one!

Buy my mom dress/clothes for this upcoming raya (Must do it!!!!!)

please, be strong

2012-10-13T19:34:00.001+08:00

It's a day for my Dietetics senior today. Today was a big day for them. Congratulations for your convocation day! I am happy for all of you. :) I just wonder will I able to be like them? Yes. I should. They all also like me. Had been going through all sort of things. It's just a part of learning.

I bet, they even had their up and down. Same goes with me.

Actually, when I look at them..I meant their pictures of convocation, I always hope to be one of them soon. After all those hardships that my friends and I had been through, I wish we all could enjoy that moment to the fullest. All our hard work should be paid off. We all learn on how to survive on our own without any assistance from others. We've been scolded because of our mistakes. Sometimes, I felt like giving up. But, no matter when I tried to do so, luckily I have friends by my side to keep encouraging me and lift up my spirit. Back then, I did not know on how to express my feeling to others. But now, I tried to put trust to others, let it my feeling. Woah! Luckily, I could feel some relieve from that. Thanks friend!

And, not to forget..the mind of my family, on how my parents would be sad if they know my condition. Yes. Being an eldest in the family is such a big responsibility and not to exaggerate..it's quite a burden for me actually. I need to show a good example to my younger sister and brothers. I need to show them that we should be successful in what ever we do. That is why, until now..I keep trying from the state I fall behind and tried to get up to continue my journey even though I did not know it is right for me or not. But, Allah had everything planned for us, right? We just need to believe that this is already planned for us.

Please, wahai diri! Be strong! Don't ever compare yourself with someone. It's not your fault if things did not turn up like you wanted it to be. Just let it slide away. But, remember..all those are experience for you. So that, you will not repeat it again and again. It's not wrong to learn from the mistakes.

This week is going to be a tough week. Let's pray that I can face it easily, happily~

Randomness: Hati wanita

2012-10-12T23:15:00.000+08:00

Semalam, balik je dari koje kol 4, teros masok rumah dan bukak lappy. Ok, itu la rutin sehari-hari ku bila tgh internship ni. and it's weekend. I'm going to spend it alone as a Lone Ranger! huk huk~ Frankly speaking, I really like working environment here where the dietitians are really friendly and sporting. Compared to before, I like it here so much! The problem is I did not really like my living situation here where I did not have any friend or companion. Even, my current partner always back home. So, I stayed alone in this empty house. Hanya berbekalkan toto, lappy + berokbang yg slow mcm siput bab* dan jugak handphone yg xde byk fungsinya. It's not that I'm not grateful with what I have now. It just my feeling when I felt lonely. Yes! I really hate loneliness.

Ok. sambung cerita. bila balik, bukak lappy, bukak FB. Tetiba terbaca my aunt punya post. Bunyinya lebih kureng cmni la. "Smlm aisy mengamuk xblh lena..bagi susu xmau.Mama ulik tido pn xmau nangis je.Abah amik dodoi smbil dukung baru senyap...lena.Cian abah ngntuk.Pg nie abah pi keja lmbat kul9.Sedih mama tgk aisy mcm ni.Dh laa smlm call mak,mak nangis teringat dkt Aisy.Mama sndiri pn teringat kt mak jgk.Rasa lolo tu jgk nk balik kg."

**oopsss, tercopy my aunt punya post. sorry Sue. hik3~ok. Bukan hapa, bila ak baca je post, ak teros nanges. mencurah2 air mata. Bila baca kali kedua pon, still nanges. Part yg nenek ak nanges teringatkan cucu yg buat ak sebak. Sebab ak pon agak rapat dgn nenek ak. Sejak kecil smp besar pon duduk ngn nenek. Banyak kenangan dgn nenek ak ni.

Bila mak ak cerita kat ak, ada satu hari..nenek ak sedih sebab anak2 dan cucu2 dia xde pon call dia kt kg. Sambil nanges2 luah perasaan dekat mak ak, mak ak pon sama2 nanges. Yeah, hati perempuan memang sgt lembut. ak gelak2 jugak bila dgr cerita tu, tapi dalam hati sebak beb! Nenek ckp kat mak ak, dia syg ak lebih dari dia syg makcik ak. Ak dgr cam terkejot. yeke nek?? hoho. dah la ak nk call nenek pon malas. rasa cam bersalah bila dgr nenek ckp camtu. sob sob~itu sebab kalo ak balik rumah, nenek ak kan tnya bila nk balik kg. dah xingat kg ke??? hik3~that's sweet! kalo ak ada cuti 10 hari, terpaksa bahagikan..5hari dekat rumah, 5 hari lagi kt kg. That's how I live my life. ;) I have a sweet mother and lovable grandmother. Bila nk bawak calon hubby, kena tunjuk kat dua2 mam ni dulu for approval.haha. ;p

Dolu, ingat lagi..before ak dpt msok UPM. time tu tgh break after habes matriculation..masa tu, rumah nenek ngah wat renovation. dolu rumah papan, ni renovate jadi rumah besi. eh?? rumah batu la. renovation tu buat separuh2, sebab kalo runtuhkan semua rumah, jawabnya nenek dan atok ak nak duduk mana? xde rumah kosong yg terdekat. So, part ruang tamu dulu diruntuhkan. Nak jadi satu cerita, ada satu malam ni..nenek ak nak g toilet..tapi route nak g ke dapur tu kena lalu bahagian ruang tamu yg dah siap diruntuhkan tu. HAHA. punya la nenek ak bgn tido, mamai2..xingat pon part yg dah diruntuhkan tu. Tut! Tut! tetiba terdengar bunyi suara nenek ak. "Ayu wei!!!! Adoih, jatuh doh mok ni" ak teros bangun dan tgk nenek ak. tengok2 dah kat bawah dah. adoih. lawak2 jugak tapi dalam hati risau. hehe. naseb bek nenek ak xde pape. Alhamdulillah.

Then, kalau ak kt kg..maka, officially ak akn jadi driver terhormat nenek ak. Bawak dia nk p mana. Sebab nenek ak ni suka berjalan, jadi kerja sehari-hari ak adalah berjalan jugak bersama nenek. Even malam sekalipon, ada je tempat nenek ak nk pegi. Bila pergi berjalan2 jumpa saudara-mara, maka akan bergaul la ak dgn makcik pakcik. haha. That's what makes me look mature, huh? Tapi, still ak x reti nk build relationship with elders.

***To be continued

p/s: Please, atol..don't pity me.ahaks~

syndrome M.A.L.A.S

2012-10-11T21:46:00.002+08:00

It's weeeeekeeeeeend here! Yeay!!!!*sambil melompat-lompat mcm kangarooo*

Oh gosh! Ak malas gila neyh beb! Nex week ada presentation, slide xbuat lagi. Bila tgk si SH tu dah buat smp separuh, ak wat muka toye je. Buat muka ileks. Sebab nk wat time weekend. Bila tiba weekend, kemalasan gila nih. Adoih! Syaitan malas mana ni sdg merasok ak!!! Pegi maen jaoh2. ;p

Ingat lagi first presentation, dem! Dah la xbuat yg terbaik, naseb baek xde markah. Tapi, xtahu apa dietitian punya impression kat ak. Ak ni dah la pemalas, x proactive..hadoi! tensen seyh! Koje ak malam2 adalah membazirkan masa yg berharga itu!

Duduk sorang2, boring giler! xde kawan.sobs~dah la homesick! nak nanges!! uwaaa~ Si SH ni mentang2 la rumah dia dekat, tiap2 minggu balik rumah. Haish~ada ak kesah??? kalo ko ada pon, bukan kita dok melepak sama2 pong!dush~haha.masing2 dok dalam bilik. Jumpa2 nya pagi esok nk g hospital. It's because we are not compatible enough, bwahahahahaha. Am I bad?? Yes, I am.

Ok. dah merapu yg bukan2 dan membebel benda yg x berfaedah pon. Let's start working on slide presentation. May Allah ease everything for me!

Kuatkan semangat!!!!!!!!!!Fighting~~