1. I lost my freedom

After a while, all of my conversations were starting with, “When I am done with grad school, I will do this/I will start this new project/I will travel to that place…” Basically everything had to be put on hold for two whole years. I was NOT down with that.

2. I didn’t have any time for friends, boyfriend, or family

I was lucky to be able to develop some bonds with a few other people in my program. We became good friends and I look forward to having more time to spend with them once this hell hole is over. However, a lot of my other friends just did not understand the stress of what I was going through. Naturally, there was some distance between us, not to mention the fact that I had no free time to spend with them, since many weekends were devoted to paper writing, or “papes” as I like to refer to it.

Time with my boyfriend was pretty pathetic too. We live together, but with our crazy schedules, there were times when I didn’t see him for days. Even when I did, my mind was consumed with all the papes and projects that I needed to finish. It was hard to be fully present in any of my relationships.

And visiting with my family on the opposite side of the country was a pitiful… I was lucky if I saw them five days out of the year…

3. I had negative dollars in my bank account

Oh my god, don’t even get me started on this one. A word of advice to anyone thinking of going back to school: Do not borrow money from the government for your living expenses. I repeat- Do not borrow money from the government for your living expenses!! I was dumb enough to quit my full time, awesome kick ass job to return to school and live on student loans. That was probably the worst mistake of my life. I was broke all the time. I cried on many occasions out of sheer frustration. There were several times when I couldn’t even pay my rent. Then of course, not having any money forced me to stay at home when most of my friends were out enjoying themselves, which led me to feel even more isolated in my little grad school bubble..

4. It sucked the life out of me

One of the things I hated most about grad school is that it made me feel really old and way too responsible, neither of which I was ready for when I started the program at 24 and still am not ready for at 26. There were many nights when I came home from long fourteen hour days just collapsing from exhaustion at 9pm. I’m getting tired just thinking about it.

5. It’s a way bigger commitment than I realized

As I said, I returned to school thinking it would just be like another two years of undergraduate. People warned me, but I didn’t believe them. I had no idea what I was in for.

I have never been a hard-working student. I’ve always gotten decent grades, but I am definitely not one to go above and beyond what is expected of me, at least in the academic department. I guess you could say I do a lot of things half-ass. I learned pretty quickly that I would be forced to use my whole ass and then some in my program. Given the smaller classes and more personalized approach from the professors (a far cry from the huge, impersonal lecture halls I had once known), it was nearly impossible to be a slacker.

I am still recovering..

6. I was never fully present

Being a grad student turned me into a constant worrier. Even when I wasn’t at school or doing work for it, I was thinking about it. Thoughts of papes and presentations danced through my head as I dreamt at night. Even when I did finally get time to spend with friends, I was consumed with thoughts about what assignments I needed to get done that upcoming week. It was often hard for me to enjoy myself, as I constantly dreaded the endless amount of school work that was before me.

7. I had to work for free

Most graduate programs require you to do an internship. I had two different internship sites at schools, totaling three days per week that I was working for free. I had a MAJOR problem with this. I hate to work even when I am getting paid. The fact that I had to commute an hour each day to work my ass off for nothing really, really bothered me. I know it was all just for gaining experience in the field and building connections, but I ended up resenting being an intern because it took away from time where I could actually be making money. Sure, it gave me some valuable experience, but it also made me broke as hell. I ended up having to devote more time outside of my already insane school schedule to work for actual money, which made me even more tired, frustrated, and resentful.

I have to say, that felt really good to bitch about. Don’t get me wrong though, graduate school is a great option for those that really know what they want to do and are ready to do it. I just didn’t.

If this list helps just one person out there who is on the fence about returning to school, then I have done my job.

Anyone have anything to add?

Attending his service was a lot more of an emotional experience for me than I anticipated. Initially, I went to support my boyfriend. After all, it was his loss more than it was mine. In the end though, I was the one that needed the consoling.

In his 33 years, Craig had managed to live an extraordinary life. He was a crazy guy who took risks and lived fully. He died happy. The things that his family and friends had to say about him were beautiful, and they reminded me of what is really important in life: they way we live and the way we love.

photo credit: dreid0612

Death does strange things to us. I have lost several people I love over the last few years, and it has forever changed me. Mostly for the better actually. Ironically, the months following the loss of my father was the happiest time of my life. For the first time in my life I started truly living and appreciating what I had left. School work, stress, crappy jobs, money - none of that shit even matters in the end, and it shouldn’t matter now either. My experiences with life and death have put things into perspective for me. Because of those experiences, I have developed much more idealists views, which I am proud to hold. (After all, idealism is ideal).

Every time I go to a funeral I am inspired to live better. It makes me think about how I would want to be remembered when I’m gone. Is it for being an A+ student? A dedicated and hard working employee? A person who made a lot of money but never had time or energy to spend it? Hell no. To me, those aren’t anything to be truly valued. Although most of us behave as though they are all that matters, I think we all know how trivial they are in the end.

I want to be remembered for how well I lived, who I loved, and where I had been…just like Craig was..

What do you want people to say at YOUR funeral?

One is called Hospitality Club. It joins people from all cultures and countries by hooking you up with free accommodations in the homes of other members. It makes traveling the world on a budget actually possible! My former hair stylist raved about her experience as a Hospitality Club member. She traveled from San Francisco to Chile, stayed in a local’s home for three weeks with two friends, and spent less than $1200, including her flight there. When you think about it, any member that has enough spare room to host strangers must have a decent sized place. So you are getting the luxury of staying in an entire house or apartment for free, instead of paying hundreds for a hotel or hostel where you only get a single room. Not too shabby..

Another similar service is offered by Global Freeloaders. While I haven’t known anyone to be a member, this site seems to offer the same service as Hospitality Club. The only difference I can see is the quality of accommodations… using Global Freeloaders, you may end up staying on a mattress on the floor or a couch, or you could get really lucky and find a whole room to yourself. I could be wrong about this (as I said, I’ve never used either service), but that was my first impression. Anyway, just wanted to supply y’all with these really great travel opportunities that are out there that maybe not so many of us know about…

This particular camping trip was poorly planned. Aside from forgetting to pack pillows and extra blankets (thanks to my stoner boyfriend), we were without a few other items that could have made our experience a lot smoother. Depending on how much you like to “rough it”, these items can be the determining factor in whether or not you wish you had sprung for a hotel.

1. Towels

Luckily we had towels. They served as our pillows the first night. Not exactly what I was hoping for when I packed them, but hey..I’m flexible.

I’d recommend bringing more than one towel per person. By the end of the trip my towel smelled like meat. It would have been really sweet to have a back up.

2. Soap Container

They are a lot more essential than you would think. Most of us aren’t transporting our soap from point A to B on a daily basis, so we forget how a wet bar of soap ruins the box it came in. Then by the end of the trip, the soap has gotten lost in your bag, fallen in dirt, and touched the mold-infested floor in the shower.

3. Shower flip flops

I think this speaks for itself.

4. Bathroom bag

Not a necessity, but it makes the trip to the bathroom a lot less annoying. Having to gather up all my bathroom and shower supplies is enough to make me not want to shower at all. I’m always jealous of the women who come waltzing into the bathroom with all of their shit in one bag. Why didn’t I think of that??

photo credit: Rob Lee

5. Can opener

Right before leaving for our trip, I watched “Something About Mary.” This left me with a craving for franks and beans. We were able to cook the franks no problem. The beans on the other hand, were hard to eat sans can opener. If you plan on eating, remember your can opener.

6. Zip lock bags/tupperware

Food that is kept in coolers has a way of getting soaked once the ice melts. Unless you like the taste of watered down cheese, make sure you bring some protection for your food. Food condoms, if you will.

7. Beverage station

There’s nothing like waking with up numb toes and frostbite on your ears to make you wish you had a nice cup of something hot. Tea, hot chocolate, and coffee may seem like luxuries to have when camping, but they are actually necessities if you want to keep from freezing your ass off.

So that is what I have for essential, yet easy to forget camping supplies. Anyone with anything else to add, leave it in the comment section.  Thanks for reading

photo credit: cygnus921

I’ve loved cats since I was a child. I just think they are cool. Everything about them is so chill. They do what they want, when they want and they don’t care about having to please anyone. They can be incredibly friendly and loving one minute, and then complete bitches the next. They play hard to get. They live by their own rules and they live according to what they want to do, not what they have to do. You can’t get any more bad-ass than that.

This is not so much an ode to cats (although I do love them -perhaps a little too much), but rather an expression of my admiration for their sort of lifestyle. Cats have it made. We should alter our lifestyles to be a little more like theirs. I am so incredibly jealous that I have to go to work all day when my sweet little cat gets to lounge around, watch birds out the window, sleep 16 hours a day, and lick himself when he wakes up. Now that’s a sweet life…

Yoga

Yoga is by far one of the best things you can do for your mind and body. Yoga helps strengthen your muscles, eliminates toxins from your body, improves digestion and organ function, AND makes you happier. There is something about it that is instantly rejuvenating. Even if you don’t feel the cumulative effects of the many health benefits for a while, you can at least walk away feeling refreshed and revived, and maybe a little lighter.

Bikram yoga is especially awesome. For those of you who don’t know, this is the style of yoga where they heat up the room to about 100 degrees and you end up sweating your ass off. The theory behind this is that the intense heat will allow your body to be more flexible, while you sweat out all of the toxins. Pretty good idea, but it can be really intense. I pretty much fainted when I tried it, but did end up leaving the class feeling way better than when I went in. It’s expensive, but probably one of the best things you can do for your body and your health.

If you don’t have time to spend a whole hour in a yoga class, at least pick up one of the following books so that you can practice at home: Total Yoga: A Step-by-Step Guide To Yoga At Home For Everybody by Tara Fraser and Om Yoga Today: Your Yoga Practice in 5, 15, 30, 60, and 90 minutes by Cyndi Lee. Om Yoga is really good for giving you structured and sequential yoga poses. There are 15, 30, and 60 minute workouts to suit whatever time slot you can devote to it that day. Total Yoga kicks ass and is very inspiring. It covers yoga-related info, such as diet, how to breathe properly, how to detox, how to perform all of the postures, and the history of yoga. I actually recommend them both. They compliment each other well.

Detox/Fasting

As I may have mentioned in another post, I am an organic freak. It started just with the produce I bought, then grew into all food products, and now has moved into other things, such as organic lotion, shampoo, soap, etc.  It’s a lot more work to be living this lifestyle, but I predict that it will get easier as more and more people catch on. My point in telling you this is that I think its important for us to realize what we are eating. There are crazy amounts of toxins in our food. The World Health Organization says 60-80% of all serious disease and illness is caused by toxins in our food and environment. Yuck! Toxins take up energy that our bodies could use elsewhere, they interfere with body processes, and they make it harder for us to absorb vitamins and nutrients. So it should come as no surprise that they interfere with our moods as well.

If you are feeling a little blah, or unlike your usual self, try to detox for a while. There are different ways to detox. Some people simply switch to an organic diet, others go a step further with fasting. There are also several ways to fast. There is the vegetable juice fast, in which you only drink vegetable juice for 2-3 days, and then there is the water only fast. This is hard to do, if you really like your food. (I can’t say I’ve ever attempted it). But those who have claim that they see life in a whole new light afterwards. An article titled, “There’s a Little McDonalds In Everyone,” by Ron Lagerquist, discusses what exactly happens to our bodies when we detox. It can be found here. There’s also some good articles over at Toxin Blog, including the chance to take a quiz to help determine the level of toxins in your body. Check it!

Get your ass to the gym

I hate working out at the gym. It’s crazy boring and way too redundant for me. I think people who claim they love it are liars. There are many other ways I would rather spend my time than being stuck on the elliptical between a sweaty old man and a 20 year old girl on speed. But alas, I have no television at home and my local YMCA now has t.v.’s attached to all of the machines, so there is at least incentive to get my lazy ass to the gym.

It can be easy to fall into the routine of not working out. It starts when you skip a day at the gym one week. Then the next week you are remembering how nice it was to have that free time. Then you start telling yourself, “well one day won’t make that much of a difference.. I’ll just work out twice as hard tomorrow.” Then tomorrow comes and you start to have lower energy; you just aren’t in the mood to exercise. You hope the following day will be different.. not so much. You get the point. The more exercise you get, the better you feel. Everyone knows this, but we all seem to forget it. We wonder why we are so tired and lethargic. I know that when I am exercising regularly I feel so much lighter; not just physically but emotionally as well.

Exercise is hard work for sure. Take the time to find something you love to do, otherwise you won’t do it enough to benefit. My latest thing is hiking with friends on the weekends. There is no better way to spend a Sunday afternoon than hiking with a good friend on a warm sunny day surrounded by beautiful scenery. I think I’ll stick with that work out plan for a while : )

5-HTP

This is an awesome natural supplement you can take to improve your mood. I was turned onto this treatment after reading, 5-HTP: The Natural Way To Overcome Depression, Obesity, and Insomnia by Michael Murray, N.D. (The N.D. stands for Naturopathic Doctor, whom are known for having a holistic vision of health care and work to educate their patients rather than diagnose and prescribe). This book really opened my eyes to the value of natural herbs and supplements in treating mood problems. 5-htp, which stands for 5-hydroxytryptophan, is an amino acid and the precursor to serotonin. This means that it gets broken down into serotonin in your brain. So essentially, it’s like taking serotonin pills!

If you are considering trying conventional medications, I really encourage you to read The Anti-depressant Fact Book: What Your Doctor Won’t Tell You About Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Celexa, and Luvox by Peter Breggin, M.D. After going through a rough time last year, and debating about whether or not I should try anti-depressants, I came across some information about this book. After reading it, I will never touch those drugs again. The author of the book, Peter Breggin, M.D., was able to gain access to top-secret files from certain pharmaceutical companies due to his involvement in a lawsuit against the companies. What he found in those files is disturbing, and he shares it all in his book. This is a must read for anyone on those drugs, or thinking of starting them.

Ok, moving on to…

Light Therapy

This is probably my favorite mood enhancing treatment I have used so far. It’s natural, non-invasive, and even feels kinda good. Light therapy is used for treating those who have Seasonal Affective Disorder, but can be used year round as well for mild depression. The theory behind light therapy is that people need light to be happy. Heck yes they do!

Light therapy works by giving our bodies the daylight that it is lacking during the winter months. When we don’t get enough sunlight, our circadian rhythm gets out of whack and disrupts our mood and sleeping patterns. Light therapy works to restore the circadian balance. All you need to do is sit in front of a box that emits light for 15-45 minutes a day. You can use it while you are watching t.v., on the computer, whatever. It’s about the laziest form of therapy I have ever encountered and I love it!  Just don’t stare directly into the light box.. you might start to see spots.

I purchased this light therapy box from Apollo Health several months ago. It took a few days to work for me, but I have noticed positive effects and higher energy levels. Let some light into your life!

Acupuncture

I never thought I would be one to stick needles in my body voluntarily, until I moved to the west coast, where alternative medicine thrives. The concept, though once foreign to me, makes perfect sense to me now. It is the belief in traditional Chinese medicine that illness and disease is caused by a blockage of energy in the body. Those who practice Chinese medicine believe that good health occurs when energy is flowing smoothly throughout all of the meridians, or points of energy. Acupuncture can be very beneficial for your mood and has been proven to treat mild cases of depression, as well as dozens of other conditions. I would recommend it to anyone with an open mind–once you get past the whole “needle” thing, it becomes a very relaxing experience.

The only downside to acupuncture is that it can get very expensive. The effects are cumulative, and you may end up spending a few hundred dollars to notice a difference, and then you will need to maintain that effect with sessions every few weeks. If the sky’s the limit for you, go for it. In fact, I’d say go for it at least once or twice just to have the experience. Find an acupuncture school that offers discounted rates. You may be able to get your treatments for half price if you are a student, or if you are willing to be seen by a student.

Hopefully one of the above options sounds appealing to you. They are all very cool treatments, and some may fit into your lifestyle more than others. In an upcoming post I will add some more options for ya..

photo credit: Dodo-Bird

It seems wrong when we can’t even take the time out of our day to relax for one minute and appreciate our life. Being in nature is soothing and I think a place we all go to when we are needing to get back in touch with ourselves and what we want for our life. It somehow puts things all back into perspective when we need it the most.  Take time to enjoy the freshness and calmness of being in nature–and get back to your roots!

That is one of my favorite quotes. For me, traveling is addictive; the more places I see, the more and more I need to see. There is nothing that inspires me more than exploring new places. It is all I really need, but unfortunately other things get in the way. Such as life. I continue to travel even when I am broke, however. I even chose a career based on the generous vacation time it offers. Bad move. More on that another time.

Traveling changes us, straight up. In case you need a few reminders as to why you should opt to travel as much as possible:

We gain insight into ourselves.

I owe a lot to my travels. I can’t imagine who I would be today without those experiences. I don’t think I even want to know.

We get to spend time with the people we love

I am lucky to come from a family that loves to travel. We are all addicted to it. Each summer, we discover a new place together and learn all we can about that culture (or sometimes we just get drunk the whole time). It is an awesome experience to have with the people I love the most.

We get to be in awe of the world

Sometimes we get so caught up in our lives that we forget what else is out there. Americans especially are notorious for this; we tend to forget that we aren’t alone on this earth. There are so many amazing places out there. It’s overwhelming at times.

We get to learn about other people

Learning about other cultures has helped me to maintain an open mind. Sometimes we need to be reminded that our particular way of living is not the only way to live. There are many other cultures who survive with far less than what we have, but are actually much richer.

We are humbled

Last summer I visited Morocco. It is a beautiful country with an incredibly rich culture. I had never felt so out of place in my life. It is a humbling experience to be in a place that is completely unfamiliar. I think we all need that experience from time to time. It keeps us human.

Britney was molded into someone that she never truly was. “She was created as a virgin to be deflowered before us,” the article put it. Like every other child star, she was trained to act a specific way to entice people and to build a larger fan base. No one really knows who they are at 16 or 17, when she was starting her solo career. Britney was surrounded by evil, greedy who just wanted to make a quick buck off of her. She never got to know herself, she just wasn’t allowed to. Imagine being one of the biggest stars in the world and not being comfortable with who you really are.

I was actually happy for Britney when she started to rebel a bit. I could sense the liberation that she was feeling, not giving into the pressure to be someone she was not. For a minute, I actually thought she seemed pretty cool. I think what really pushed her over the edge though was watching her career get flushed down the toilet and with that went her ENTIRE identity. She was left with nothing and nowhere to go.

I am not writing about Britney to gossip. I’ve got nothing but love for her. I’m writing about her because she has a valuable lesson to teach us: No matter what, Be Yourself. If you are being pulled in a direction that just doesn’t feel natural to you, or that doesn’t allow you to really be yourself, then it is the wrong path for you. If you don’t know what ‘yourself’ is yet, give it time–the answers will eventually come. Live your life the way you always imagined it, because everything else is bullshit. Trust your instincts, let yourself grow into who you want to be, and never ever trust anyone in Hollywood..