Of all the holidays each year, Christmas is by far the most overstimulating for my kids. It’s for this reason that we can’t always participate in the family festivities.

For a long time I struggled with this.

When I was growing up, Christmas was always a time when we visited tons of family and friends.  Our house was always decorated with bright lights and filled with the smell of fresh pine.

Because our kids couldn’t handle all the excitement, those days of big, bright and overdone holidays are long gone.

While I felt a void, during the Christmas season, for a really long time, I’m actually thankful things worked out this way now.  I wish my kids had an easier time with things like this,  but I discovered a silver lining.

In the absence of past traditions, we now have plenty of room to make new traditions.
Since we are typically home bound during Christmas, we are able to focus on our kids and spend more one on one time with them.
To me, the holidays are about family and while we may not be able to make the rounds to see family and friends, we definitely get to focus on our boys.

Sometimes, you don’t know what you really have until you lose something you thought you wanted.

The post The silver lining appeared first on Childswork-Childsplay Blog.

However, seven years and a total of three autism diagnoses later, I have learned a great deal about autism from my kids.

For this post I’m going to focus on my youngest son.

When my youngest son was born, aside from severe jaundice, he was healthy and we couldn‘t have been happier.

After a while before began to notice that he didn’t seem to respond to noise. He was very young but wouldn’t startle.  I think my wife picked up on this first.

We spoke to our pediatrician about our concerns and we began a long journey to discover what was wrong with our son. Emmett failed the next several hearing tests and my wife and I were heart broken but determined to help him in any way possible.

Emmett hadn’t even begun talking yet and so communication was a huge struggle.

We began learning ASL and subsequently teaching Emmett. He seemed to respond well to this and slowly began using simple signs.

The last test he needed to have done was called the ABR.  Basically, they put electrodes on his head and measured how his brain would interpret the sound, if at all.

As it turned out, Emmett could hear perfectly.

What was happening was that he was filtering everything out.  This is what led to out current journey don’t the road to autism.

Once Emmett was officially diagnosed with autism,  he was considered to be preverbal.  This meant that while he didn’t speak, he could make sounds and had learned a handful of words.

We were told that he may never speak and again, our hearts were broken.

We continued working with ASL and Emmett began to make some progress.

Eventually, Emmett said his first word doggie. I actually caught that on tape. It was absolutely amazing and easily one of the most amazing moments of my life.

In the video below, Emmett says his first word ever. He says “doggie” at the 20 second mark. I didn’t even notice it until I played it back later. 

Over the next few months, Emmett would learn a new word and then lose it again.

There were many highs and lows along the way.

However, fast forward to present day and Emmett has made so much progress that he actually, no longer needs speech therapy. He brilliant and I’m amazed by what he says now.

I’m so proud of him and he’s really proud of himself.

He’s not quite caught up but it’s night and day, compared to where he was, even this time last year.

My wife and I never gave up hope and Emmett never gave up trying to speak. We don’t know why he couldn’t speak or what happened to get things going.

I personally credit Emmett for his never quit attitude and my wife who spearheaded the sign language learning and teaching process.

This was a huge victory more my smallest minion. In truth, it was a huge victory for the entire family.

I think that people make far to many assumptions about persons with autism. In my experience, most of the kids and adults I have met, are among the kindest, most intelligent people I have ever had the honor of calling friends.

My son Emmett is the poster child for don’t judge a book by its cover.

The post Never judge a book by its cover appeared first on Childswork-Childsplay Blog.

Anyways,  I love to see the way their minds work.

One of the things I like to share with other parents is this.  When we talk about spreading Autism Awareness, we often focus on the public and sometimes overlook ourselves.

We, myself included, tend to think that we know enough about Autism because we live it everyday.  However, something that I have learned along my family’s Autism journey, is that I’m never done learning.

Every opportunity I get to let my kids help me become more Autism aware, I take full advantage of.

The other day, the boys used their imaginations this afternoon and invited me to join in.  We played with Elliott’s Super Mario Bros stuffed animals.  We pretended to rescue Princess Peach who was once again captured by the evil Bowser.

What began as a rescue mission ended up with Mario, Luigi and Toad dancing to one of Lizze’s playlists on Pandora.

It was a lot of fun and the boys and myself got some exercise.

Unfortunately, Princess Peach never got rescued but honestly, she would just get captured again.  If nothing else, it will be a mission for another day.

Engaging in this type of play is a great way to learn more about my kids.  They have amazing minds and allowing me to enter their world is an absolute honor and a great chance to better understand them.

After a decade of being a special needs parent, it’s become obvious to me that much of the time, I’m the student and my kids are the teachers.

They’re brilliant and I couldn’t be prouder of them. I’m so incredibly thankful that I have the honor of being their father.

If I could offer one piece of unsolicited advice.

If your child with Autism invites you into their world, take that invitation and join them on their level.  Even if it makes you feel silly, go for it.

You’ll be surprised at what you can learn and who knows, you might even find yourself dancing to a catchy song and forgetting to rescue the captured Princess Peach.

Trust me, it’s worth it.

The post What I’ve learned along the way appeared first on Childswork-Childsplay Blog.

If you’re reading this, you probably know me from my personal blog, Lost and Tired.

For those of you that don’t know me, I’m the father of 3 boys with Autism and various other special needs.  These special needs range from issues with sensory processing disorder and anxiety to things like schizoaffective disorder and reactive attachment disorder.

This doesn’t even begin to touch on the medical issues.

In my family we pretty much have a little bit of everything.

Life is exhausting, overwhelming and full of stress. It’s really easy to find myself drowning in all of the various things I have in my life.

I’m also the first person to admit that many times, the glass is half empty.  I prefer to deal with reality and so you won’t find me viewing the world through rose colored glasses very often.

Having said that, I’m also very happy with my life.  No, I’m not crazy, I just see things differently.

It’s true, if I told you my kids were a handful, that would be the understatement of the year. However, while they are challenging to parent, they are also absolutely amazing.

I decided many years ago, that I was going to not only spend the rest of my life teaching my children but learning from them as well.

My kids have taught me more in the short time they have been on this planet, then I learned in all my years of schooling. I could go on for days about all the ways that my kids are truly amazing but I want to instead mention a few things that I feel are really important.

The single biggest thing my kids have taught me, is to appreciate the little things and never take anything for granted.

I realize that may sound cliche but it’s absolutely the truth.

In my house, we celebrate what I have dubbed as,  Today’s Victory.

Basically, no matter how bad the day may have been, I find at least one thing to celebrate.  It could be something as seemingly simple as trying a food they have never tried before.

Maybe they went potty, all by themselves or got themselves dressed.

Heck, I can’t tell you how many times we celebrated the fact that our youngest Emmett, actually wore clothes, for at least part of the day.  That’s huge for both him and us.

Many people would be like, so what, my kids wear clothes all the time, what’s the big deal?

For starters, my kids have sensory issues and so they are often times uncomfortable in their own skin.  Factor in itchy clothes and they can be downright miserable or even in pain.

Anytime my son can work through these obstacles and actually wear clothes, even for a little while, it’s cause for celebration in my book.

My kids have inspired me to not only be a better parent or father, but a better all around person. I’m always amazed at how my kids never give up.  They try and try again.  Sure they might get frustrated but who doesn’t get frustrated from time to time? The fact that they get right back up and keep pushing forward, regardless of their actual pace, is truly something to be admired.

Look,  I’m not an overly positive person that believes in sugar coating everything.  I say it like I see it.  There are plenty of days where I swear I don’t have the strength to keep going.

I have just decided to pay attention to the things that many others gloss over.
I realized that the even the smallest ripple in the water makes waves.

Do you celebrate Today’s Victories in your house?  What are some of the things you celebrate? Please share below in the comments for we can celebrate with you. 

The post Little Victories appeared first on Childswork-Childsplay Blog.

The stories, posts or articles found in these blogs aren’t always uplifting but they are inspiring nonetheless.

I went ahead and rounded up 10 posts from some of the bloggers that I follow. Perhaps their writing isn’t your cup of tea. Either way, these posts are all amazing to me and I want to share them with you.

I encourage you to check them out and maybe, you’ll find something that inspires you.

1) Everyone has their own heart song by Stuart Duncan of Autism from a father’s point of view

2) Special Needs Mom Confessions: Sometimes I’m so Tired by Katrina Moody of Kat’s Cafe

3) Would YOU Take the Time to Complete a Survey on How #Autism Has Affected Your Family? by Lorrie Servati of Nathan’s Voice

4) 10 Ways to Make your #Hospital Stay with Your Child More Bearable by Lizze Gorski of My Life Beyond Labels

5) Full-time Employment and Fatherhood by Dad Blunders of Dad Blunders: Life as I know it

6) I feel like I am missing a piece of myself by Carl Young of Why Not Fathers

7) Pokemon is destroying my confidence as a parent by jillsmo of Yeah. Good Times

8) To Friends by Jennifer Bush of Anybody want a Peanut

9) The summer I ran away (and what brought me home) by Caroline McGraw of A wish come clear

10) Hope in the darkness by Lexi Magnusson of Mostly True Stuff

The post 10 Blogs that inspire me appeared first on Childswork-Childsplay Blog.

That may sound a little bit strange so let me explain.

Like most younger brothers, Elliott (my 6 year old) thinks Gavin (my 12 year old) walks on water. In many ways, Gavin has more influence over Elliott than I do. It’s like a form of hero worship and it’s very difficult to counter that influence.

The problem is that Gavin has quite a few challenges of his own that often influence his behavior in a negative way. Some of those challenges include, reactive attachment disorder, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar disorder and aspergers.

None of these are his fault but the impact of his behaviors are the same regardless. Gavin, unfortunately, is not a good role model for his younger brothers. They learn by watching him and often mimic his behavior.

This is not always a good thing and can often make it more difficult to know what is modeled or learned behavior and what is inherent behavior.

Modeled behavior is basically mimicked or copied behavior. You can think of it as “monkey see, monkey do”. Inherent behaviors are naturally occurring and not influenced by outside forces.

Like many kids on the spectrum, Gavin can become hyperfocused on certain topics. In other words, he can become obsessed with things that interest him.

Gavin has introduced Elliott to his imaginary worlds  which in and of itself isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

However, Gavin’s imaginary worlds are much different than most.

Gavin suffers from schizoaffective disorder, in which he basically, sees and hears things that aren’t really there. Many times the things he sees and hears are dark, violent and scary.

This creates a situation where Gavin struggles with whats real and what’s imaginary. This is completely outside of his control but nonetheless, a problem.

Does that make sense?

When Gavin isn’t properly medicated, he will literally, fully interact with things that only he can see or hear. It’s heartbreaking to watch this.

However, this becomes a problem (aside from the obvious) because Gavin believes so completely these things are real and as a result, he tries to and is often very successful in convincing Elliott that they are real as well.

As you can image this is very confusing and terrifying for Elliott.

On one hand Elliott doesn’t see what Gavin does but on the other hand, he believes everything that comes out of Gavin’s mouth.

Elliott has his quirks and it’s pretty obvious when those come into play but much of the other behavior is a mystery at this point. Even the ADHD-like behavior could simply be anxiety and nothing more. Elliott is quite prone to anxiety, very sensitive to stress and easily overwhelmed.

Even the professionals have a difficult time distinguishing the difference between these behaviors . There’s no real way to know what is Elliott’s natural behaviors and what are behaviors learned from his big brother.

We are also beginning to have the same problem with our youngest as well. He has begun using the same phrases as Gavin and also has started to self-injure, just like his big brother. It’s actually really frustrating because we don’t know where one ends and the others begin.

We spend a great deal of time trying to tease things apart. This is very time consuming and honestly, sometimes next to impossible.

Luckily, we have a solid educational and support staff to help us sort this out. The current school of thought is that, as Elliott builds relationships with his new friends, Gavin will have less and less influence over his behaviors…

Hopefully, we will work through this in short order and get Elliott back on track.

It really is amazing how much influence siblings have on each other. Many times this influence can’t be very positive and sometimes not so much, as is the case in our family.

Do you find that your children are affected by their special needs sibling? How are they affected?

I would really be interested in hearing your experience?

The post The sibling factor appeared first on Childswork-Childsplay Blog.

I think that most people grasp the concept that raising a special needs child is challenging, however, I don’t believe people comprehend the enormous amount of stress it entails.

This stress can and does affect many aspects of my family life, including my marriage.

I thought I would provide some insight as to  how the stress of special needs parenting can affect your relationships, especially with your spouse or partner.

My wife and I have been together for over a decade and while nothing is ever easy, we enjoy a solid, happy marriage. Although, to be honest, we aren’t without our problems.

I think that in our case,  the big issues revolve around the constant onslaught of stress that comes along with parenting 3 boys with special needs.

It’s not the kids fault and I want to make that very clear.

Having said that, it’s so easy to be overwhelmed and beaten down by all the challenges we face with our boys on a daily basis.

Frustration is often times my middle name.  When everything that needs to be done on a daily basis is always a struggle its really,  really easy for me to get frustrated.

My wife and I sometimes take our frustrations out on each other.

It could be something as simple as asking me a question and I bite her head off. At times she can do the same thing to me.  We tend to get short with each other because we do our absolute best not lose our patience with the kids.

We both realize that we could handle things better but we’re both human and things like this happen from time to time.

Here’s the reality. Since I’ve become a stay at home Dad, out of necessity, my wife and I are together, literally 24/7. That can ware on even the strongest of relationships.

We offset that by doing our best to get time to ourselves. The truth is that sometimes it’s healthy to spend some time apart and we realize this.  Unfortunately, we can’t always get away because of the whole special needs parenting thing.

Even if we can’t have time away from the house, we try to give each other alone time. That time alone may come in the form of a nap or walking the dogs.  It’s not always glamorous but it gets the job done.

Not only does the break or time away benefit the person getting away but whoever is left with the boys gains some perspective.

Sometimes you don’t realize how much your spouse or partner contributes to the work load until that contribution stops, even temporarily. As I said before, this is actually a great way to gain perspective and better appreciate your better half.

We almost never get to go out on a date either. However, that doesn’t stop us from spending quality time together. Sometimes it’s splitting a bag of M&M’s and watching some Netflix after the kids are in bed. Other times it’s just snuggling on the couch.

These times are for us to reconnect after a long stressful day.

When it comes down to it, my wife and I are best friends and on a journey that would test even the strongest of marriages.

Despite the bumps in the road along the way, we remain committed to ourselves and our family.

If I have one piece of advice to offer anyone out there it would probably be this.  Never let the stress of everything your going through get between you. You don’t always have to agree with each other but you do need to be on the same page.  This isn’t always easy, especially when it comes to differing opinions on things related to your special needs child.

Having said that, remember that your both on the same team and want the same thing.

I suppose that was more than one piece of advice. Well, the more the merrier, right?

I think in the end that’s how my wife and I have survived for so long when so many other marriages end in divorce.

I can’t imagine taking this journey with anyone else.

Do you have any advice to share? Perhaps some tips you have learned to keep your marriage going strong?

The post The special needs marriage appeared first on Childswork-Childsplay Blog.

I know, the thought of having that talk with their kids can cause anxiety attacks in most parents.

However,  while the birds and the bees may be the first thing that comes to mind,  as special needs parents,  there is a much more difficult subject to tackle.

There comes a point in your child’s life that you may need to explain their condition to them.

I’ll be very honest with you here,  I think I’ll take the other talk
over having to explain to my child why they are different from other kids. I don’t really know how else to word it and it’s not meant in a bad way.

Recently,  I was chatting with a fellow special needs parent.  They were seeking advice on how to explain to their child with Autism, what Autism is. They were asking how I personally have handled this situation in the past.

I had to think about that, because Gavin is the only one old enough to be the recipient of such a talk.

I spoke with Gavin,  about himself and his diagnosis. I also had a similar conversation with Elliott,  about Gavin and Gavin’s diagnosis. Does that even make sense?

Keep in mind this was geared towards Gavin, now a 12 year old preteen.

The world is made up of lots of different types of people. Every person is unique or special in their own way.  Everyone has challenges in their lives and some people have more than others but we all have them. 

 

With each person being different,  sometimes our brains work in different ways. Our brain is like a computer.  When we go to the store,  there are tons of different computers out there to chose from.  Each one is a little bit different from the next but they all do basically the same thing.

 

Some computers work by you touching the screen and some work when you talk to them.  Still others work by using a mouse and keyboard. They all collect and process information but do so in different ways.

 

Just like computers,  people experience things in different ways.  When someone has Autism,  the way they experience and communicate with the world is different than some other people do.  It’s not right or wrong,  it’s just different.  The reasons why don’t really matter,  but what’s really important to remember is that we all are special.

 

We all make the world a more interesting place to live and we do so by being who we are.

Maybe not the best explanation but it was the best I could come up with at the time and it seemed to satisfy him.

The most important thing to keep in mind is to not make the child feel bad for being different.  The other thing to keep in mind is where they are developmentally.  You need to explain things in a manner in which they can understand.  Gavin,  for example,  understands computers.  So I used them as an means of getting my point across.

Either way,  this is not an easy talk to have and it will likely have you wishing that you were explaining where babies come from.

From one parent to another, I wish you the very best of luck.

Please share your experience with these types of talks. Your insight could really help myself and others to better navigate these types of questions in the future.

The post The Talk appeared first on Childswork-Childsplay Blog.

As a parent to 3 special needs boys, surviving the school year can prove to be challenging.

There are however, two key things to remember that can help both you and your child find success. I have found them to be quite helpful in mitigating some of that challenge.

First things first, establish a routine. The sooner the better.  When dealing with kids on the autism spectrum, routine is a must. If things are predictable then my kids are more comfortable and less prone to having difficulties.

Things that I have found the most beneficial is structuring the time before school, after school and before bed. As you can imagine this includes things like morning and bedtime routines and homework time as well.

These can be accomplished with a visual chart. This chart will be a reminder for your child of what comes next in their day. Not only is this a great way to smooth out transitions but it also helps to promote independence.

I can’t control what goes on at school but I can make sure I send off my kids in the morning as well as receive them home in the afternoon in a way that provides comfort, reassurance and sets the tone for the rest of their day.

The second and most important thing I have found to make the most out of the school year is a bit more time consuming and multifaceted. This involves being involved.

In my opinion, the absolute best way to help ensure your special needs child has a positive educational and social experience at school is to make yourself available. I realize that this is quite often one of those easier said than done type of things. However, the more you involve yourself in your child’s education, the better off they are going to be.

Many schools need parents to volunteer during the week. Maybe you could be a recess monitor or read books during circle time. Don’t forget the PTA either. That’s another great way to volunteer.

For those of you in the a position where you are unable to volunteer during school hours or even able to make it to PTA meetings, talk to your child’s teacher and see if there are things the classroom needs to run more efficiently. For example, cleaning supplies are always welcome during cold and flu season to help keep the spread of germs to a minimum. Each classroom is different so be sure to ask your teachers what items they need most.

If nothing else, simply maintaining an open line of communications is something that can really benefit all involved.

Doing things like this, whenever possible, helps to build relationships with your child’s teacher and other school staff. You can even befriend a few other volunteer parents as well.

You will also get a feel for what your child experiences during the day and even meet their classmates.

When you are actively involved in your child’s school, teachers are more comfortable coming to you with problems or concerns because you aren’t a stranger to them. This also makes it easier for you to go to the teacher or other school staff with a problem or concern of your own.

My wife and I have a fantastic relationship with the school our boys attend and it’s made all the difference in the world.

It’s made both of us feel more comfortable with sending our boys to school and our boys more comfortable going. Being involved and establishing a routine have helped my boys to get the most out of the school year.

I hope these tips prove useful for your family. I love hearing about your experience as well. Are the things you have found to help with your child’s educational experience?

The post Tips for a successful school year appeared first on Childswork-Childsplay Blog.

With that in mind, I thought I would share the solution I have found for getting my kids with autism to brush their teeth and do a better job at the same time.

We used to struggle with getting our kids to brush their teeth. Bedtime was one thing but when we were running late for school in the morning, it was a real source of frustration, for everyone.

The Problem

For a long time, tooth brushing was a nightmare and honestly still is at times.  However, part of the problem I think, was/is sensory related, meaning that something about brushing their teeth was/is profoundly unpleasant or uncomfortable for my kids.

I’ve spoken with many parents that experience the same struggle with their little one on the spectrum.

With my kids,  we struggled with the actual motion of the toothbrush and we’d have to fight in order to prevent them from just sucking the toothpaste off the brush at the start. On the good days, we could get them to brush but not for very long. In other words, trying to effectively brush their teeth was as I mentioned before, a nightmare.

My youngest struggles with the most sensory issues and would literally screen and screen, both in the morning and at night when it came time for tooth cleaning.

We hated the idea of battling our kids or forcing them to brush because it felt like it sent the wrong message and turned both them and us off to the whole process.

Our Solution

Before I go any further, I want to state that this is not a paid advertisement. I’m in no way shape or form affiliated with Philips. This is based solely on my family’s experiences and how we managed to overcome the obstacles associated with our 3 boys with autism, brushing their teeth.

I bought myself a Philips Sonicare toothbrush as a replacement for my old electric toothbrush.  I found one on sale and it wasn’t that much more than the usual electronic toothbrush I was normally getting. I had seen the commercials and had always been curious about how they really worked.

After using it only once, I can honestly say, I absolutely love this toothbrush.

You have to experience it in order to truly appreciate it.

The premise behind it, is simply vibration. Basically, this thing vibrates so fast that it cleans much better and with greater ease than standard brushing.  It can be a bit messy while your getting accustomed to it though..so be warned.

Anyway, it got me thinking. I wonder how my kids would respond to this. As it turns out they loved it. They love the vibration and how it makes their mouth feel. It gave new meaning to tickling their teeth.

This toothbrush works really well and takes minimal effort or coordination on their part.  It also shuts off after two minutes so they know when to stop or how long to brush.

It doesn’t require a great deal of fine motor skills either as you basically just need to touch the the toothbrush to your teeth and gums and it does the rest.  It also gets in between teeth as well because the moment you turn it on the toothpaste turns to foam and goes between the teeth.

In my experience, brushing your ASD child’s teeth is tough enough. Flossing is next to impossible. While not necessarily a replacement for flossing, it gets the job done.

The way I choose to do this, as it’s more cost effective, was to buy one toothbrush ($17-$30) and one package of replacement heads ($17-$27). We provided each of our kids with their own replacement head. They all share the same power supply (or bottom of the brush). This is sanitary and seems to work out pretty well. There are little color bands about halfway down the brush heads that are distinguishing. The kids can also color the base of the brush head with permanent marker, so they know who’s is who’s.

The Results

While not all the kids have been to the dentist since starting this new tooth brushing routine, we can already see the difference. Their gumlines and teeth are much cleaner and they are doing this on their own. Can you say independence.

Another huge plus, is that my kids actually enjoy brushing their teeth now. We no longer have to fight to get this job done and done right.

I realize in the grand scheme of things this may not seem like a huge victory to some. However, if your family is anything like mine and tooth brushing has been a challenge, this could be a life, sanity and tooth saver.

If you are interested, I bought our Philips Sonicare at our Walgreen’s for about $19. The OEM replacement brush heads are about $27 for a package of 2. For us it was about a $50 investment in order to accommodate all 3 boys. They each have their own brush heads and share the same base. This has proven to be quite efficient, sanitary and effective. 

Here is a link to the exact brush we bought: Philips Sonicare e-series

Have you had problems getting your child to brush their teeth? Have you found a solution?

Please take a moment and share your experience below. You never know when something you have found may really help another family.

The post Tooth Brushing for Kids Made Easy with Electric Toothbrush appeared first on Childswork-Childsplay Blog.