Surrogacy 101

Standing in Two Places by Ashley Dyson: A LaMothe Book Review

2009-12-09T01:00:00-08:00

I just finished reading Standing in Two Places by Ashley Dyson and as always, wanted to share my honest thoughts with you. Although it's a 'thin' book, only 161 pages in length, it is thick with emotion as Ashley describes the circumstances that leads her to the Center for Surrogate Parenting and ultimately to her goal of having her 2nd child with the help of her surrogate mother, Norah.

Infertility is an individualized journey as is surrogacy. Each Intended Parent has their own coping mechanism and apparently Ashley has found hers in reading the likes of Erik H. Erikson (Identity: Youth and Crisis) and Betty Lifton (Journey of the Adopted Self) among several other books and she quotes them quite often amongst the 161 pages of her book...is that to avoid going to deeply into the relationship she has with Norah? Because there isn't much regarding the actual surrogacy relationship. (Ashley does recount her feelings on the paper work she receives from the surrogacy agency on how to treat her surrogate and frankly seems a little "put off" on page 108)

I believe that Intended Mothers/Parents who are going through the surrogacy process will relate to many of the emotions that are shared within the pages of this memoir. However, for me, it seemed a bit superficial only because there were so many other manuscripts, articles, books, and quotes between the pages and no real exploration (that I was expecting to find) regarding the relationship between the surrogate mother, Norah, and Ashley.

This is about one woman's story....it is far and away from any sort of "guide book". To complete and publish a book like this, about personal relationships, disappointments and hard decisions, has to be applauded. I recommend Standing in Two Places to those who want to take a peek into one woman's surrogacy journey, not to compare but to relate.

Sharon LaMothe
Infertility Answers, Inc.
http://infertilityanswers.org/

The Blind Side: A LaMothe Movie Review

2009-12-05T01:00:00-08:00

I know that with school holidays right around the corner it can be a struggle to come up with ideas to keep everyone entertained...that includes company as well as the kids! I took my family the day after Thanksgiving to the movie The Blind Side. What we were originally planning to see was 2012, which happened to be sold out when we arrived so The Blind Side was chosen only because we wouldn't have to wait more then 30 minutes before it started. Not knowing much about it I was pleasantly surprised at how GREAT it was! What a wonderful feel-good family movie! I have posted the synopsis below but I have to add that this film has something for everyone...sports, drama and family values. It was a "touch down" for everyone in our group. So if you are looking to spend some time at the cinema, I highly recommend The Blind Side!

Synopsis: Drama. "The Blind Side" depicts the remarkable true story of Michael Oher, a homeless African-American youngster from a broken home, taken in by the Touhys, a well-to-do white family who help him fulfill his potential. At the same time, Oher's presence in the Touhys' lives leads them to some insightful self-discoveries of their own. Living in his new environment, the teen faces a completely different set of challenges to overcome. As a football player and student, Oher works hard and, with the help of his coaches and adopted family, becomes an All-American offensive left tackle. --© Warner Bros

Starring: Sandra Bullock, Tim McGraw, Kathy Bates, Quinton Aaron
Director: John Lee Hancock

What do the worlds poorest women do about their sanitary needs?

2009-11-30T01:00:00-08:00

Until I read the article, below, I have to admit that I never gave a second thought to what the poorest women in the world do during "that time of the month". I didn't think that girls would miss over 50 days of school a year because they had no sanitary supplies and it didn't cross my mind regarding the cost of buying sanitary products for these poor women. So I am bringing an awareness to all of us here in the USA...is there something WE can do to help these poor women? Read below to find out more.

Sharon LaMothe
Infertility Answers, Inc.

Affordable Sanitary Pads for World's Poorest Women

By:Anna Portela

A company called Sustainable Health Enterprises (SHE), together with researchers from North Carolina State University, have joined forces to create economical and reliable sanitary pads for millions of women across the globe, who cannot afford the regular feminine products currently available.

Because of their periods, some young women who live in poverty stricken places, are forced to miss up to 50 days of school in a year. This is due to the unavailability of feminine products. Elizabeth Scharpf is founder and CEO of SHE, an organization that is led by women whose goal is to manufacture and distribute affordable, environmentally friendly sanitary pads of good quality, to women in the developing world. What a fantastic idea and mission! Scharph says: “In some …areas of Africa, a month’s supply of imported sanitary pads cost more than a day’s worth of wages. Our goal is to create affordable pads that are…easily manufactured for a low cost at the local level-and the research being conducted at NC State helps us do that.”

The making of these sanitary napkins involves knowledge of areas such as paper and wood science, medical textiles, biomedical engineering and textile engineering chemistry.

The raw materials used in the process are banana stems. The stems undergo a series of chemical treatments that convert the fibers into soft, billowy materials that can absorb liquid.

These sanitary pads can be reproduced at the local level. Dr. Lucian Lucia from the Department of Wood and Paper at the university says that their role in the project was to show that it is possible to turn banana stem fiber into an absorbent material, and that the average person, and one who is not necessarily a scientist, would be able to create the sanitary pads. Local production and distribution means that the sanitary pads can be sold by community health workers for 30 percent less than the available brand.

Dr. Marian McCord, associate professor of textile engineering chemistry, science and biomedical engineering, maintains that the project is just one example of how a university can have an important impact on global health. Very true.

Congratulations to everyone involved in the project, and to SHE for its plans to distribute this sanitary pad to girls and women, so their lives can be made easier when that time of the month rolls around.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

2009-11-26T01:00:00-08:00

Thank God every day when you get up that you have something to do that day which must be done whether you like it or not. Being forced to work and forced to do your best will breed in you temperance and self-control, diligence and strength of will, cheerfulness and content, and a hundred virtues which the idle will never know.
Basil Carpenter

Enjoy your day with Family and Friends!

All my best from:

Sharon LaMothe
Infertility Answers, Inc.
http://infertilityanswers.org/

What to Expect from a Psychological Evaluation

2009-11-25T01:00:00-08:00

You may be asked to meet with a psychologist for a “psychological evaluation”. A psychologist is different from a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist has a medical degree (M.D.), and they primarily prescribe medication, although some also conduct psychotherapy. A psychologist has a doctorate in psychology (a Ph.D. or Psy.D.), and they provide evaluations and conduct psychotherapy.

If you are interested in serving as an egg donor or traditional surrogate, the aim of the psychologist is twofold. The psychologist would like to gather as much information as possible so the recipient couple is prepared. For example, should there be a family history for learning disabilities, the recipient couple can learn about possible warning signs. Consequently, should their child develop academic difficulties, the recipient couple could then proceed with appropriate treatment. It is important to remember that psychologists know there is no perfect person and that it is extremely rare for a person to have a family history devoid of any psychological problems. The psychologist is trained to remain neutral, and is interested in providing acceptance and support. A well-seasoned psychologist knows it is more credible if a person has had a bump or two along the road and/or if a donor/surrogate speaks of at least one relative who has experienced some sort of psychological problem. It is best to be honest. It is far better to honestly portray yourself and your family than to cover up what you fear could disqualify you. It is likely you will be disqualified if you are inconsistent in your responses.   The psychologist is also interested in determining your stability. Couples who seek out an egg donor or surrogate are very serious about wanting a successful outcome. Some couples have tried to have children for five or even ten years, by the time they reach this step. It is imperative you are certain you can and want to take this journey to completion. The psychologist will try to determine whether or not you will follow through by not only asking you about your feelings about serving as an egg donor/surrogate, but also by looking for patterns of stability in your past. The psychologist will also spend time discussing with you the psychological ramifications of serving as an egg donor/surrogate. This portion of the interview is for your benefit. Regardless as to your motivation, helping a couple have children is a wonderful gift. Your desire to be a part of the miracle of life puts you in a very special, cherished category. You deserve to understand how this experience might affect you. It is also important you learn enough about this process in order to make the right decision for you. Should you have any questions, please ask them. Serving as an egg donor/surrogate is a decision that will affect you for the entirety of your life. It will most likely be comforting for you to receive answers to any questions you might have.

If you are interested in serving as a gestational surrogate, it is likely you will be asked to meet with a psychologist. Many of the same questions will be asked. Although your genetic history will not come into play, the psychologist will want to get to know you, so s/he can describe you to the intended parents. Additionally, the psychologist will be interested in determining if you will be able to provide a safe environment, both physically and environmentally, while you carry a couple’s baby. The psychologist will also want to prepare you in many different ways. Not only are there many issues to consider during your pregnancy, but it is of utmost importance to prepare you for what you might feel when you release a child to the intended parents. This is one of the most selfless and beautiful gifts you can give to others. At the same time, it can leave a tremendous void. The psychologist will want to prepare you and your partner to make sure that as you think through your decision, you can determine what is best for you.

You may be asked to take a personality test. Most often, the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory, 2^nd Edition (MMPI-2) is administered. This is a long inventory that consists of approximately 500 true-false questions. The test is sensitive to test-taking style. Oftentimes, potential donors/surrogates feel nervous and at some level, feel they must be close to perfect. It is not true that you have to be nearly perfect to be chosen. Nevertheless, this mindset sometimes leads people to “fake good”, or present themselves in an overly favorable light. “Validity scales” will reveal this test-taking style, and you could invalidate your results. This could disqualify you. It is good to know that the inventory allows for “normal” stress, occasional sadness and anxiety, and for human frailties. Besides the “validity scales”, the inventory also yields “clinical scales”, which group together to form a “profile”. The profile describes your characteristic ways of interacting with the world. If you respond in a manner that is open and honest, it is likely your profile will yield interesting information for you. Many psychologists are willing to discuss your results with you, should you ask.

Recipient couples, also known as intended parents, are sometimes asked to attend an interview with a psychologist. They are sometimes asked to take an MMPI-2. For those of you who are considering using an egg donor, the interview with a psychologist is to make sure you have considered what it might feel like in the future, to have a child who is not fully genetically related to you. Additionally, the psychologist may ask questions to determine your financial and emotional stability. This is not done in a judgmental or critical manner. Rather, this would be to help you plan well for yourselves, especially if you have never had children.

If you are considering using a surrogate, the clinical interview for the intended parents is designed to prepare you for the emotional and financial issues that may come up. There are many things to consider when using a surrogate, such as whether or not you will provide health insurance, life insurance, or home support in case your surrogate becomes bedridden with a pregnancy. Additionally, it is wise to think ahead with regards to how you might handle a poorly formed fetus, or multiples that jeopardize the life of the mother and/or the babies. Lastly, it is a good idea to discuss what expectations you have with regards to a relationship with the surrogate both during and after a pregnancy. A trained psychologist can guide you through this dialogue, and inform you so you can make the best decisions for this very important and life-altering event.

Dr. Barbara Feinberg is a licensed psychologist. She received her doctorate in clinical psychology from Florida Institute of Technology in 1985. Dr. Feinberg has been practicing psychology in Tampa, Florida for over twenty-two years. Dr. Feinberg works with adults and children. Areas of treatment include infertility support, as well as coping with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, marital concerns, divorce and behavioral problems. Dr. Feinberg also provides gifted and learning disabilities evaluations. Additionally, she has specialized in reproductive issues for over ten years.  She has spoken around the state of Florida on psychological and emotional issues that pertain to infertility. Dr. Feinberg provides psychological evaluations for egg donors, traditional and gestational surrogates, and intended parents. She works in conjunction with several egg donor agencies, surrogacy agencies and attorneys around the United States. You may contact Dr. Feinberg at 15961 North Florida Avenue, Suite A, Lutz, FL   33549, or DrBarb222@aol.com.