Surrogacy As I Know It

This Cycle!!

2016-08-22T18:29:00.003-03:00

Okay so...here we are again.

I'm on CD2 of good flow, so we're hoping for an insem soon!!

But...a bit of humour to keep this blog up to date...

Me : Sorry babe...the house is a mess...I'm on my period and it's awful
Him : ya it's really shitty
Me : No...really though...the house is really upside down and the kids have just lived on sandwiches all day and I didn't even make you supper
Him : I'm sure it's not that bad
Me : Maybe you just shouldn't come home?
...if he comes home and DOESNT go "WTAF happened in here?!"...He deserves a big huge hug lol

Roller Coaster From Hell

2016-07-04T10:21:00.000-03:00

I know that I didn't follow through on updating this blog through out my cycle and I feel that karma has come back in some weird way.

The evening of June 18th I got a positive OPK, which was, two days sooner than expected. My IP's had flown in early and we were ready to go with a few changes of course.

We made our introductions June 19th, in the evening. It was awkward but I was determined. This was going to happen and it was going to go smoothly.

Well, it didn't completely go smoothly but we finally made the first insemination that evening. We did another on June 20th in the morning (which I know is not medically advised, for optimal results, you should wait a minimum of 48hrs in between to boost sperm count and seminal fluid since without that fluid, nothing protects the sperm from the acid environment of the vagina).

Through out the week we did things together, sometimes with half of my children (the other half were still in school) and one day I became a cool mom, and we jigged in order to go to a historical site, but I WAS advised that they would learn more out of school that day than in).

Monday we went to the beach with the kids and it was so fun! First time down at the beach for the summer. It was a hot day and I was ill prepared to be honest since I had rushed out the door. An hour and a half at the beach and Willow had just about had enough of the sun and heat.

Tuesday is the day I became a fun mom and pulled them from school and we spent just about 7 hours walking through a historical site. It was so interesting, but it was my second time there. the children absolutely LOVED it, even with all the mosquitoes. We slept very well that night. It was a long day and I got extra mileage since almost a quarter of the way through, I realized I had forgotten my water bottles for myself, and the kids. I had to turn around pushing the stroller to the van and then try to catch up.

Wednesday was laundry day. I don't say that to be cute, my IP's were literally out of clothing and had to wash them, and I took the opportunity to try very hard to straighten up the house, we had been away the weekend before and the house kind of took a crap beating if you know what I mean. I was also running out of cute clothes (okay...clothes in general...I'll be writing in my mom blog today to explain that one).

Thursday...oh yes. Thursday. I was pretty pooped out from the whole week and I tried to keep busy. I was 4-5dpo and I was still trying not to test. I was doing a shit job at trying to ignore the fact that I should be getting a positive soon if it had taken. It started to enter my mind multiple times per day and I had all of those tests sitting there. Watching me. Calling for me. My IP's hiked at Mount Carleton, they had invited us, but my days are consumed by school runs and the drive would have been 1.5hrs each way, just in driving I would have to be back to get the kids from school. But they enjoyed it and loved the outdoors and fresh air.

Friday was our day to say farewell. It was also 5-6dpo and I had started to test like a mad woman. Not he cheapy tests...those only show up positive long after the first response tests. I had already bought quite a bit of tests and I started to eat through them...the next day, afterall, we had a good chance at seeing that positive. They came over to see us after I went and picked the kids up at 11am (half day...last day of the school year!! yayyy!). They could only stay a couple hours though, they had to drive to Moncton (3 to 3.5hrs drive depending on...who's driving). They were flying out the next morning.

That was our week! Things were really just beginning for me though, in all honesty.

Friday we decided that we would go camping early and stay a week. I packed up all of my tests, except a couple...I needed those for first morning urine of course!

Saturday morning I woke up a bit earlier than I normally would, in fact, I had gotten up a few times during the night in anticipation of Saturday morning. I had to pee....soooo bad. Not because I actually had to pee that badly, but because the tests were there...what if I could send them a positive before they even got home?! I tested. I analysed. The line would be very light, but it was there. I could see it. ...it wasn't actually there, I just wanted so badly to see it. It's still early I have a couple more days at LEAST and it was super super early and the embryo was just getting there. We were only 5-6dpo.

But I continued to test. Every three to four hours, because I needed to get that first positive. I was going to come up with an amazing way to surprise them. I ordered custom booties to send to them. It was going to happen, I just had to be a bit more patient. Tomorrow would probably be the day!

Sunday morning, at the camp site, I ran like a mad woman to the van and then to the bathrooms. Barely making it actually. ...No big pink line. Limit water intake and try again in 3 hours, we all know second morning urine can be even more potent than first morning urine. It is going to pop up. ...But it didn't. I'm ashamed to admit how many expensive tests I had gone through at this point. 6-7dpo down...it was going to be tomorrow. It had to be.

Monday morning. I had already gone to the nearest pharmacy at this point to get more tests. I've been using cheapies every three to four hours at this point. I still had lots though. It was 7-8dpo and today was our faint positive day. It just was. It worked and it was going to be there today. My IP's would be so happy and so would I and I would sit around and wait for the morning sickness to come in, how badly I wanted to be so incredibly miserable and sick. But, it would mean the pregnancy was healthy...and we would only be months away from my IP's FINALLY have a baby. But...it didn't show up...it wasn't there. Surely there was a mistake. I call lazy embryo. It will be there. I will test until it is there because I've never had a failed attempt where it was meant to be. It was just meant to be. It was this cycle. It was our first and last attempt. It was going to happen. Tomorrow would be the day that I got my positive with my last baby, and she is still a lazy toddler. That's what it is, a lazy embryo!! Silly me. Hundreds of dollars of tests so far, all because we had a lazy embryo.

8-9dpo was the second last day that I would get a positive test. It SHOULD be today, but it COULD be tomorrow. I told myself this while running to the bathroom, with a ton of tests in my hands, while other campers looked on wondering if I had completely lost my marbles with those five children in tents. Clearly, I had. I asked friends if they could see it, asked them to tweak it for me...it was there but it was just too light to see. It had to be. It was there. It was the day. ...But it wasn't. I wasn't giving up. I tested all day. By evening, I had decided that if it wasn't there the next day...somehow...for some reason...no...this happened, it had to have happened. My IP's put so much time and money into this and it worked. STFU Cat, it worked.

9-10dpo (Wednesday). I took a test, there was a light line there, everyone seen it. It was there! IT HAPPENED!!!!

10-11dpo...never trust blue dye tests. There was nothing. It didn't take. It was all for nothing. People told me there is still hope, stop giving up so early! They are right, I need to keep testing, it will happen. It has to.

11-12dpo. (Friday). Nothing. I cried in the stall for a few minutes and got myself back together. When I go back to the tent, Scott asks me when I got the positive, we could have celebrated. I look at him and say "I didn't, they're all negative...all of them". He hands me a test...no there is a line there,..a distinct, unmistakable line. We jump into the van and go to a pharmacy. YES YES YES YES. It HAPPENED! How could I ever doubt that?!?! Another 36 dollars in tests. How else to surprise my IP's than to send them pictures of a first response test with a bright red positive and a digital positive. I was bouncing in line at the pharmacy. We rushed back to the camp site...but...stopped at tim horton's for me to pee on one of them. ...No line. WTF. It's just because i just peed an hour ago that's all.

...they were all fucking negative. This is a fucking cruel joke.

I google first response evaporation lines. That's what I had...a fucking evap line and my heart had swelled 10x and I got my hopes up. I fucking give up. I'm done with this fucking testing thing.

12-13dpo. I feel defeated. I feel like I failed my IP's. I feel like I failed my bank account....

13-14dpo I wait for my period. I'm a total wreck and have to confront my IP's about this horrible cycle. They ask for receipts for the tests, but I can't stand to admit how much money I wasted on them. How fucking stupid was I. I send a very partial amount and don't mention it any further. I don't want them to know, in all honesty, how obsessed I was, to tell them that they were pregnant. I do a couple cheapies because I'm not willing to give up hope. It can't end this way.

14-15dpo I write this, awaiting a period but knowing full well it'll be late to taunt me. I've been feeling nauseous for days...not because I'm pregnant, but because I can't stomach the thought of all the money my body wasted. How did it not work?

Even my IM reminded me that each cycle carries a CHANCE of pregnancy, no GUARANTEE.

I can't help but feel that I gave them false hopes...I know I did actually. Instead of being cautious as I should be, I blew up their hopes. In me. In my ability to get pregnant the first try.

I also know that when we try again, I will not be testing until 8-9dpo and if it's negative, I will not wonder what time of day is best to retest.

Everyone always watches videos of successful surrogacies, from the positive test onwards. No one mentions the negative tests. Failed attempts. Shattered hopes. I think we WANT to believe that it only takes one try. It doesn't. Not normally. So I wait for my period, and promise my other half that I will never again spend so much on pregnancy tests that will only be negative anyway.

CD1!!!

2016-06-09T14:52:00.001-03:00

So I had some spotting yesterday/last night. I told my IP's and warned them that it may just be stress from finally having contracts signed and the negotiations that went on the last few days about it all. Which was very stressful to me since I believed everything had been agreed to begin with. Turns out, my period started a couple days early.

In any case, I woke up with a good flow, and today it has picked up even more (said goodbye to two pairs of underwear and a pair of pants actually). The good news is that my lining was nice and healthy and fluffy last cycle so I can assume it will be this cycle!!

My IP's booked their flights and hotel last night and will be here on the 21st! They are only staying a few days so I'm really hoping that we get ovulation within those days!

Twelve more days until they're here!!! YAY!!

Insemination Kit Explanation & Update

2016-06-08T11:59:00.001-03:00

After a bit of going back and forth and waiting forever (or so it seems), we signed contracts May 21st and June 1st (they signed, then it had to come to me to be signed).
I am currently 10 ish days past ovulation and the mock cycle went really really well.

They are figuring the week of the 25th is our week!

So we are waiting on my period, booking flights and getting ready for the inseminations!!

I ordered the insemination kit online from Ebay (today) to ensure it is here on time.

I will show you what is in the kit!

These are ovulation tests, which I will take prior to anything else here, for days beforehand, to ensure that I ovulate at the time of the insemination. When the test become positive, we will proceed with the other pieces of this kit.

These are the sterile cups that will be used for my IF to collect his semen in.

My IF's "sample" (semen) will be drawn up into a syringe right away after he puts his sample into the sterile cup. Delaying this process could result in sperm dying before we get to insert them.

I will then have my own hotel room, and relax and insert the syringe as high into the vagina as I can to ensure I inject the semen as close to my cervix as possible.

After injecting the semen (which has been thoroughly tested recently) into my vagina, I will then put this instead cup into my vagina, it will be like a cup around my cervix and will keep most of the sperm from leaking out and increase our chances for fertilization.

I also have both ovulation and pregnancy tests already at home, but they come with the pack so I will explain these as well. Starting at about 6 days after ovulation, I will start to take pregnancy tests and take video for my intended parents to watch every day to see if it is positive or still negative. Starting at 6 days after ovulation, they can watch the first test be negative, and hopefully the following tests will at least have a line that you can see a little bit.

Our estimated insemination date is June 25 2016. So we are just waiting for my period to start (due in about four days). Feel free to ask questions as we go!

Test!!

2016-05-28T19:36:00.002-03:00

This cycle has been so weird!! My period was SO light, I can' ttell where to "start" it at! I'm day 12-13 and I got a positive ovulation test, which means I'm going to ovulate day 13-14/14-15. This is either way a perfect cycle! This is our mock cycle but I wish so much that it was possible to try this cycle!!

We COULD be doing inseminations in as little as 4 weeks!

I went on a 5k walk today and noticed that I had cramps in my 4th km and I felt so disappointed thinking it was a stitch from walking, now I get it haha Silly ovaries!

Cycle Update

2016-05-23T12:58:00.002-03:00

May 17th - CD35 - Spotting was pink

May 18th - CD36 - Spotting turned to a flow YES!!

May 18th - CD1 - all of the normal symptoms you get when you're miserable lol

May 19th - CD2...just chilling out...flow is medium

May 20th - CD3 - Still miserable :) flow is heavy

May 21st - CD4 - Basal temp : 36.6 flow is medium

May 22nd - CD5 - Basal temp : 36.7 flow is light, I see a light at the end of the tunnel!

May 23rd - CD6 - Basal temp : 36.6 flow is down to spotting.

I will be starting to use the internet cheapy ovulation tests this week for the mock cycle! I'm hoping this cycle is pretty much the same as last month so that we know next cycle will be predictable!! If it is, then I have about 10 days until I get a positive ovulation test!

For those just queuing in, a mock cycle is a practice cycle, I am using the good tests near ovulation, taking temps, completely abstaining from sexual intercourse. I am exercising more this cycle though to try to lose a few more pounds to get to a healthier body (almost everyone can improve on this). I will be exercising lightly through the pregnancy and getting into the habit of doing so now is important!

Cycle Day 34 17-18 DPO

2016-05-15T14:04:00.000-03:00

Okay so.

This is my first cycle OFF of birth control after being ON it for like 10 months, so I'll give my body a break. I am getting a bit frustrated (a lot?) though.

My IP's are off from July 9th to 22 so ovulation needs to fall in there or they will have to take time off of work. As of right now my cycle will actually be perfect for that time if next month is like this one (and my cycle after that).

So...now we wait!

Contracts!!

The contracts are DONE!!!
We should be signing it this week and that will also be out of the way! yay!

It is 28 (twenty EIGHT!) pages long. Yes. 28. I'm not kidding. It's pretty much a book honestly, and I've seen lines for movies be shorter.

I'm just happy they're finally done!

Plans a brewin'!

2016-05-11T18:59:00.003-03:00

So there is finally a plan of action.

I am tracking my cycle again this month *sigh*, and next cycle we will be trying to make a baby for my IP's!!

They are in the middle of the wild fires in Alberta right now and they don't think that there is a possibility of making it work this cycle at all (the cycle I am waiting to start that is). So our time line is about seven weeks until inseminations...which...is a life time away it seems lol

MATCHED!!!

2016-05-09T10:44:00.000-03:00

Okay so I've been pretty horrible at keeping you guys updated. Agreed. Accepted.

Here are my excuses :

I didn't match until about 5 weeks ago, so it's pretty new and nothing before then was "absolute". I also didn't want to tell everyone about couples because...they have a right to privacy as well. I had spoken to a total of 9 couples, 6 of which I didn't match with because they didn't want someone far away from them. One couple I ran away from when they asked if I would be a traditional surrogate and...essentially be a prostitute. They were serious. I came to love one couple, they weren't far away at all and it seemed like everything would work out. The problem was, my other half and I realized that we didn't want to go through another three rounds of IVF the way it was last time. I was so miserable and in pain from allergic reactions. We ended up deciding to do another traditional surrogacy. A surro-friend of mine gave me the name of someone out in Alberta (we'll call her Claire, which is not her real name) who is happily married, they both have great careers and all that they are missing is children. she contacted her lawyer right away and...that's as far as we have gotten. No rough draft. After over four weeks. Yes I'm serious.
We moved at the end of last month and everything was SO hectic, between the kids having to switch schools and me trying to find a way to keep them at their old school for the year, and Gabriel's 6th birthday party, it's been CHAOS!

I went off of my birth control when we matched, which just happened to be the last pack of my birth control pills anyway.

I tracked last cycle (this cycle) with opk's and cervical mucous. I got my positive on day 15, so ovulation was day 16/17. I'm on cycle day 28 just waiting around for Aunty Flo to start and I will be tracking my next cycle with temp, cervical positiion, opk's and charting. I'm kind of excited, it's been a year and a half since I've tracked my cycles with so much detail.

With no contracts done...or even SEEN at this point, my next cycle won't be used either, but if nothing else I can track it and see if it's the same as the previous cycle so that we can make plans for it to all work and fall into place.

See? You didn't really miss that much!

I'll figure out how to post my daily tracking info once my period starts, which I'm feeling will be tomorrow (12/13dpo) since I've burst out into pimples, I have the runs (always comes with a period I swear) and I'm moody AF and want to eat all of the kids' school snacks.

We have Willow's first birthday party this weekend coming (four days until she is one!!) so there is so much going on. Then the kids are out for school in June. I was hoping to do inseminations before they were out of school for the summer since it's so much easier to find a babysitter when half of your team is in school all day, but it's not a big deal. We will make it work!

As always, feel free to comment with any questions you may have, I will answer them.

Now...everyone send me period vibes so I can move on with tracking the next cycle haha

Surrogacy...Round 3! Weeeeee're Baaaaaaaack!

2016-02-24T19:45:00.004-04:00

You did not misread the title of this blog.

Yes, I am looking to start my THIRD journey as a surrogate!

So far, I have started birth control pills (I would like to say that I had my IUD removed, which would be true...but I had it removed from my rectum...I'll write more about that on another blog...long story short, I needed another form of birth control lol).

I have looked at probably six profiles so far, either I just didn't feel any kind of connection, or, in most cases, I live too far away for them to be able to attend appointments so politely said that I wasn't a good match for them. I hope that they all find surrogates local to them so that they can have every experience possible.

So, now we are giving our profile to a couple who lives in Australia, who have one child already and who want a sibling!

Nothing else so far to update really.

Comment with any questions though, as always I'm an open book!

Updates and new cycle and new ..everything

2013-10-14T17:31:00.002-03:00

So as you can tell from the title of this blog, things haven't been great.

August 28th we had a negative beta. Negative negative negative.

As in...beta of 2. Progesterone was great though, it was 190.

We stopped meds and a period came August 31st.

Started estrogen again on September 1st.

Ultrasound September 17th, it went well. Really well. Lining at 10.

September 19th I had some spotting, then it picked up and then it turned into real bleeding. We had an ultrasound done on September 20th, the radiologist here said everything still looked fine, lining at 9.5mm.

The clinic still cancelled the transfer. I stopped meds.

Period started September 25th.

Started estrogen again September 26th.

Started PIO October 12th.

Transfer is booked October 16th at 1030am.

I think that's it for now. :) I got a heating pad for this cycle too, enough was enough! I was SO SO SO SO SO SO SO sore, not able to sleep through the pain even! I would roll over at night and it would feel like a giant pulled muscle. Just a fricken nightmare!!

I'm still trying to figure everything out for shots for when I go to Toronto, there's five hours in the morning where I am flying. The wait between flights is just enough time to get me from one port to the next. I may ask the clinic to take suppositories that day. Other than that, that's the only time I can't take my shots on time. I don't care if I have to do five suppositories, they're easier to explain while flying than a needle!

Speaking of shots, it's that time again, so I'll see you all later!

BETA TODAY!

2013-08-27T12:45:00.001-03:00

So that may have been misleading.

I don't have my beta results BACK yet, but it's later on today.

I was getting very very very faint positives on my FRER tests, and then negatives.

And Negative again.

Well, I guess it's negative and I had my first chemical.

Or my stupid FRER tests are annoying and they were giving me evap lines early.

I cried for three days.

I took my last test before beta yesterday, as a farewell to the cycle.

However.

This is the test.

Sooo. That being said.

I'm no longer dreading my beta test today!

I will update when I update :)

Gloomy While Testing

2013-08-21T14:12:00.000-03:00

I hate the 2 weeks wait.

Hate is a strong word.

I strongly dislike the 2 week wait.

...Nope...I hate it.

I tested every day since 3 days past the 3 day transfer. Every day. All day.

Negative.

Negative.

7 days past a 3 day transfer, first morning urine, negative.

I gave up. I couldn't do another negative.

I felt the urge to test at supper time 7dp3dt, and there was a very very faint second line. This morning, darker line.

I get digis tomorrow, but it looks like I'M PREGNANT!!

My IF's are going to be daddies!!

Transfer!

2013-08-17T16:52:00.004-03:00

Okay, so it's been just over four days now since we had our transfer.

I know I'm late with this update!

I got up at 430am on August 13th soo sleepy. I got to the airport for 530 and got in line to get xrayed and everything else. It was SO embarrassing to explain why I had baby bum cream (thanks a lot suppositories! You SUCK!). I got onto the plane, I was half asleep. I know this because it's all pretty foggy still haha.

I got to Montreal, switched planes, still half asleep.

I got to Toronto.

My IF's were waiting at door C. I went to door C. They were NOT there. I texted them. They said they were at door C, and one of them was actually waiting just outside the door. We played this game for twenty minutes, and then finally, I asked for help.

Well.

Found the problem.

We were BOTH at door C.

They were at DEPARTURE...I was at ARRIVAL. Leave it to me!

We went right to the clinic. I was so nervous.

We got there, and we were called in almost right away.

I was told to put on two paper gowns, one on the front, and one on the back. Okiedokie.

I got locker number 7. Lucky 7. Surely this is a sign?

Then I was told to go and sit down for acupuncture. First thought : this is going to be relaxing. She started to put little tiny needles into my body, and it wasn't too bad.

I didn't feel this way all the way through, in fact, I could NOT wait for it to be over. It hurt. So much.

It was over, and done with and I was finally going to transfer. Thank goodness.

I laid down. It was a normal chair, reminded me of a dentists' chair, I was told to put my bum almost on the edge, so I did so. There I waited, with my two VERY nervous IF's for 10 hours.

Okay, it wasn't 10 hours.

It just felt like it.

It was probably 15 minutes.

Then the Dr came in, with the embryologist and a nurse. The nurse awkwardly put my legs up in the holders and told me to scoot down some more. Surely I couldn't scoot down any more. I could and did. They gave us a picture of our embryos, they are such beautiful...balls.

They are a 9 cell and 8 cell 3 day embryos. Very very good quality.

I also got a picture from while they were putting the embryos in, you can't see the embryos per say since they are soo small, but the embryos are in between the air bubbles :)

So the claw looking thing is what was used to put the embryos in, and between my finger and thumb is where the embryos are!

After the transfer, I barely wanted to walk in fear that I would be moving too much.

I didn't realize that I would have acupuncture afterward again. I dreaded it and it felt like she hit every single vein she could. By the end of it I just wanted to tell her not to touch me. I have bruises all up and down both legs and arms as if I was beaten from those tiny needles. NEVER AGAIN. I am all for trying whatever I can to make this transfer work, but I have officially decided that acupuncture is NOT for me.

I've also started to test of course, and this morning I seen what I thought was a shadow of a positive, but I'm still waiting until they're clearly positive to get excited.

4DP3DT *4 Days Past 3 Day Transfer*

Now it's just to keep testing, or to wait, whichever I can talk myself into doing haha. I may not test tomorrow and wait to test until Monday just so that I don't have to deal with another negative though, they're hard to take, and really, now would be quite early to be getting a test. I only have four good tests left so I also don't want to waste them!

I still have about 170 cheapy tests that I got for 18 cents each, so I'm doing those pretty well every time I go pee now, I may just keep up with those until I ssee a positive or until I hit 7DPT (in another 3.75 days). It's so hard to decide. I may just end up going to get more tests haha.

The Blue/Pink/Blue/Orange Pills

2013-08-11T19:59:00.000-03:00

Okay.

My goodness.

I have enough meds in my body to sustain a pharmacy.

My current daily med routine :

Wake up at 6am to my alarm clock. Med time.
-PregVit *pink, morning pill
-1ml Progesterone in Sesame Seed Oil *my bum is a great pin cushion...not
-2mg Estrace
-Aspirin 81mg chewable *but I prefer not to chew it...it tastes like McDonald's juice...ick
-Antibiotic
-Vaginal Suppository 200mg Progesterone

Go back to bed for an hour because my PregVit has me SO nauseous that I usually have a bucket beside the bed, even just the little bit of water that I have with the pills feels like it's going to come back up.

12pm (noon)
-Vaginal Suppository 200mg Progesterone

9pm/Bedtime (sometimes a bit later)
-PregVit *blue, evening pill
-2mg Estrace
-Antibiotic
-Vaginal Suppository 200mg Progesterone

Sleep. Sweet sweet sleep.

Most of my day is used to remember my meds for noon and then no more night snacks at all because my blue PregVit has to be taken at least 2 hours after anything is eaten. So pretty much, I can't eat after 7pm, which is NOT my norm, I usually snack until 9pm and wait a half hour and then go to bed.

My first shot didn't hurt too much. It only started to ache that night. I thought okay, this isn't too bad. Same thing with my second shot (opposite side). After the second shot that I had though,I started to have a raised rash on my lower back, just a few dots. It isn't too bad. The third shot killed me a bit, it was really sore all day today.

I did the third shot while standing up AND I forgot to warm it up a bit too. It could have been either, I also didn't put a hot compress on it like I normally do afterward. Most of the pants I wear hurt, so I'm in my maternity clothes to avoid having anything up against my upper bum area.

The raised rash is normal, and there's not much I can do for it, if it gets really bad (full body) then we could try something, but really there's not much point. So unless it gets really bad, I'm going to suck it up. It is all worth it, I knew going into this that I would be a pin cushion for at least 10 weeks. I have 3 days down, about 61 to go still. Give or take of course.

I have found that the viles of progesterone probably won't last that long, I wonder how long each one will last me, but I am still on the first one, and it's been 3 days and it was pretty easy, so we'll see tomorrow how much is left. It says there is 11ml in each vile, but I also lose a bit every time from making sure I get all the air bubbles out. Hopefully each vile will do me about 10 days, that would be great.

The vaginal suppositories are a bit of a nightmare. They're not as messy as I thought they would be, but I think it's bringing on a yeast infection, but I've also been told that it's normal to think it's a yeast infection when in fact it's just a normal reaction and there's nothing I can do for the itching/burning. That sucks. So much. lol

My youngest child turned 1 year old today, I wanted to wait a year to transfer, I have officially done that. I have finally taken a full year to heal and recover and now I am ready to move on to another pregnancy and baby, maybe babIES! I have my transfer shirt ready to go, and I'll pack a bit tonight, I'm not sure what I'll do in the hotel for two days, but I'm sure I'll take time to sleep a lot haha.

6 Days To Estrace

2013-07-22T23:14:00.001-03:00

Yes.

I know.

I haven't updated in a long time. I promise that there is a valid reason though!

Okay. There's not.

Surrogacy is a LOT of hurry up and wait. So, I hurried up, I took my Lupron shot July 7th, and now is the "wait" part.

Wait for what you may ask? Wait for a period? Nope. My period no longer matters. I wait until I am supposed to start estrace, and then the show really begins.

I started my period though, July 19th. Like I stated earlier though, it has no bearing now on anything, it's there, it's great, and that's it. I still hate my period and didn't care if it started or not, some women get their periods within a couple days of Lupron, some don't. We're all different and the lupron shot has definitely given me some pretty darn great symptoms.

Bloating.

Headaches (not often though).

Exhaustion.

Insomnia (great combination with the symptom above...ironic huh?).

Moodiness.

Hot flashes.

Those are the ones I notice every single day. The headaches are off and on a lot, some days it'll only last for 10-30 minutes, some days I'm dealing with the headache for hours. Sleep usually helps, but not always.

I had a one time shot, and it will be in my system for 4 full weeks. Menopause SUCKS. I can now sympathize with women who are going through it, even though I am only 22. It isn't nice. Hug your mothers and grandmothers and aunts...they deserve it, bring them some cake too...they'll want some.

Next is Estrace, which I start in 6 days from now. I will be taking them in 2mg dosages, at first, it'll be 2 pills in the morning and 2 pills at night. I take them like this until I go for my ultrasound August 7th (bright and early...730am...eek!).

Protocol changes August 9th if everything is going well with my lining and it's thick enough (which, let's hope it is and so that we don't have to start over or put anything off!). I will then drop to one estrace pill per day in the morning and one at night, and then start my progesterone vaginal suppositories (one in the morning, one at noon and one in the evening) and my progesterone in sesame seed oil once in the mornings.

I will have 7 days of antibiotics for around transfer to ensure that I don't get an infection.

(Minus the antibiotics) - This will be my daily routine for every single day until I am released from the clinic's care and when I start to see my normal OB. Sounds like fun right?!

That is the hurry up and wait :)

LUPRON!! EEEEK!

2013-07-08T20:14:00.004-03:00

Yeah!

That's right!

I did it.

Yesterday.

And I forgot to update here.

My bad.

Forgive me?

Yeah?

Good.

I love you all still as well.

So, the reason that I forgot to update here is simple...it barely even hurt and then my day continued as normal. It was a HUGE needle...but it went in really fast, injected within 2 seconds and then it was out and stored properly.

That was it!

20 days until I start the IVF meds!! EEK!

I'm also going on a getaway. teehee. 2 weeks in PEI, and then 10 days after I get home I'm off for transfer!

I'm getting excited!

3 Day To Lupron!

2013-07-04T01:52:00.001-03:00

Is it time to be nervous yet?

It is officially the 4th of July, which means there is technically only 3 days until I am supposed to take my Lupron injection!

For my many American (USA) friends, happy 4th of July!!

I relooked at my Lupron injection today, and I cringed. This is what I chose to do though, and I even if it isn't easy, I knew I wasn't signing up for "easy".

"Easy" doens't seem to EVER be what I sign up for...I have to reconsider my decision making skills.

Anyone want to take the Lupron shot FOR me? No? Anyone? What if I pay you? Not even then? That bad huh?

It's becoming more and more real that I will finally get a normal surrogacy journey (NOT to say that any journey is normal or typical or remotely ordinary, surrogacy is amazing and beautiful and...absolutely extraordinary!).

I'm getting super excited! It's crazy that now it's literally just under 6 weeks away to transfer! I remember when it was six MONTHS away! How crazy has the last year been?!

Answer : very.

It keeps me on my toes though.

I'll try to upload a video of my Lupron injection on Sunday, I make no promises though!

Happy Thursday, and I hope that all of my fellow surrogates are wishing me all sorts of good injection vibes and let's hope I don't have a reaction to the shot and I'm hoping I'm not a complete baby about it (says the woman who has pushed 5 babies out of her vagina...figures).

CD7...And The End To Evil Provera

2013-06-24T01:06:00.003-03:00

I survived to CD7, but just barely.

Provera...is still evil.

Oh yes it is.

CD7...and I am STILL bleeding. Not spotting. Bleeding.

CD2 and CD3 I was actually concerned for my health. If it had gone on for one more day, I was going in to see the ER Dr.

CD4 was like a normal "really heavy" period day.

CD5 was a "heavy" period day.

CD6 seemed like a "normal" period day. CD6 I figured I'd just continue bleeding...forever.

CD7 is like the first day of a period, it's there, and there's flow, but it's not as life threatening as someone turning on the kitchen tap all the way and hoping for the best.

I'm taking two prenatal vitamins per day to try to keep up since I feel like I'm a lemon being squeezed dry. I don't know if it's low iron or something, but I also have some insomnia since CD4. It's driving me nuts. It's 1am and I'm wired awake! And I was passing out all afternoon.

Either way...I hope CD8 is better than CD7 and that this period actually DOES eventually end. ...Not that it actually seems as though that's possible right now. Most women who have had children know what after birth bleeding is like...you never think it'll actually stop and you don't actually remember a time when you weren't bleeding every day. That's how I feel.

Positive note (depending on how you look at it..), two weeks until my Lupron shot. I'm excited...and extremely nervous. That is one biiiig needle. Just saying.

The count down truly begins now.

14 days to Lupron.

I do feel good about it though, I'm supposedly "lucky", I only have to take it once, some surrogates have to take it daily, but the needle is tiny.

Lucky women with their tiny needles.

Surrogacy : the only time a woman will brag about being stuck with something small.

Provera

2013-06-17T13:18:00.000-03:00

Provera.

Let me explain what it is first and then we'll continue.

Provera is a form of progesterone. Taking Provera simulates the end of the menstrual cycle, after ovulation when progesterone is normally high. The withdrawal of progesterone (once you stop the medication) is what causes your period to start.

Provera is available in 2.5, 5.0 and 10 milligram tablets. Many practitioners will prescribe 5mg or 10mg each day to induce a withdrawal bleed.

You will get your period within two weeks of finishing the medication, although many women do get their periods while still taking Provera.

Side Effects:

Change in menstrual bleeding or flow
Acne
Headache
Fatigue
Breast tenderness

I just finished Day 5 of my 7 day Provera prescription.

I have had the acne, fatigue and breast tenderness. I've been hormonal, but I think that that's mostly due to the fatigue if I'm honest.

They are tiny tiny pills, like anti nausea pills. No taste, no odor. I've been taking them between 9 and 10am every day (I'm usually pretty good at taking them right at 915, but I've taken them as late as 945, not a big deal, they're just once per day, it doesn't say that they have to be taken at the same time each day).

Today shortly after I took my 5th pill, I thought I peed myself a bit (I've always had a lot of pride when it comes to bladder control...but hey...5 babies in 3 years can really do a number on your whole area down there!). Went to go to the bathroom, and there is was! Aunty Flow!

Which is great, I'm officially CD1 and this is my Lupron cycle!

You all know I love countdowns, so 20 more days until my Lupron shot.

That, my dears, is a 23 gauge intramuscular needle. That's right...it's going to be a pain in the butt!

I am going to be emailing the guys today as well to let them know that my period has started so that the procol has been put into motion. Now that I have started my period, the clinic can send me a full new protocol and I'll have a transfer date in place. Yay!

I think it'll be August 16th-ish. It also means that I'll be home for Evan's birthday party, which was worrying me with the transfer being bumped ahead!

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Father's Day weekend! I will update again when I get my med/transfer protocol and dates! I've started to get super duper revved up for my needles and other meds, and am going to start organizing them in pill cases with times writing on each little box instead of days of the weeks.

~~Yay for Periods so that we know when we can expect things to happen though!~~

Let's be honest... as glad as I am that I started my period...I fricken hate it and want junk food and take out...NOW!

Insstead I'll go do some crunches and so when I DO finally go for transfer, Dr D will say "I think we have the wrong file...it says here that you've had children already?".

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Happy Monday everyone!

Toronto...Screening...The Subway...AF...Meds!

2013-06-11T20:34:00.001-03:00

Well...where to begin?!

Oh right. I'm sorry that it's taken me sooo long to finally update! You know you still like me :D

I left super duper early on the morning of the 27th (was it 2am? ...No...it was 5am...but it felt the same to me!). Leaving was NOT easy, but I had no idea how hard it would be to sleep away from home until that night, but we'll get there!

I arrived at the Montreal Trudeau Airport, went to the first desk I seen, and she said I had to go to gate 49. Great, this should be fun. Actually, it was amazingly easy, I love the Montreal airport, you just follow your gate number directions that are everywhere and you're good. Took me no time! I got to my gate and had 45 minutes to spare. Just waited.

I got onto the plane to Montreal to Toronto, and when I landed in Toronto...I found that it was NOT as easy as the Montreal airport...it took me almost a half hour to find out where to get my luggage and then it took me another 20 minutes to find my way out! I'm not a fan of the Toronto airport, for the record.

I found my IF who was waiting outside, he was waving me down, poor guy probably thought I looked so silly looking around frantically!

Directly from the airport we went to the Zoo.

It was beautiful! I have SO many pictures and I promise to upload more! We spent six (6!) hours walking around and seeing ALL of the animals! The elephants and lions were probably my favorite. They were gorgeous. It was so hot, I got a bit burnt but it wasn't too bad.

After that I checked into the hotel, and I took an EXTREMELY fast shower and got redressed for supper. We went out to a Bistro, it's one of my IF's favorite places to go, I felt honored to be taken there. The food was so good.

Then I walked back to the hotel (mini heart attack on the fact that I had to walk back alone! lol). I brushed my teeth etc, and then my friend Meital texted me! She is in downtown Toronto, and she wanted to meet. We have been talking for months, and I was so excited to meet her in person! We went to her house first, and I met her adorable daughter Emily (omg she's adorable!) and she showed me her house (which is beautiful) and I met her husband Jon (who was a sweety and watched Emily when we went out). We went to this cute place where they served coffee deserts. I had this white chocolate thing...so good.

Then I went back to the hotel, it was past midnight I'm sure. I was EXHAUSTED by that point!

I had to take the subway for the first time in my entire life the morning after. I still have some tokens left over for the next time I go. Meital (she is a sweetheart) drove to the hotel to meet me so that I wouldn't have to take it alone since I had a lot of anxiety about it. From the Carlton stop, I went North two spots, and then got off, and transferred to go East on Bloor...WAYYYY East, to the second last stop. It was kind of cool!

I got to the clinic at 9am (perfect timing, thank you Subway!). When I got there, I first spoke to the social worker again to update her on everythign that has been going on. It was a nice chat, and she went over the details of the surrogacy again to make sure that I understood everything. Everything went well there (yay not crazy!).

Then I had some blood and urine stolen (okay...I gave it over willingly...but it sounded better to say it was stolen).

I was never in the waiting room long! I spoke to the life insurance broker after that to make sure that if anything happened to me, my children would be taken care of financially. She was really good at explaining everything to me, it went by quick, but we spoke for nearly an hour. After that, I went back to the waiting room.

Then a fellow surrogate showed up! Amanda has been a surrogate multiple times, and is an amazing person. She's a single mom, I have no idea where she finds the energy, she really is amazing. We went into a room and chatted for a bit about everything that's been going on, and then Joanne showed up (she's the consultant who is helping me along this journey!). Also amazing, and I gave her my receipts that I've been watching and cataloging, so many hours of organizing my receipts and I was so proud to hand them over!

Then back out to the waiting room. Then I got to go see the Dr and meet him! I was so excited! First I had an ultrasound, everything looked great! I then had a physical, pap test, and then they filled my uterus and fallopian tubes with saline to make sure everything was good to go in there too. It was! I was so happy!

The Dr asked when I wanted to start, I said NOW! He got my meds in order (I'll make another post with all the meds) and we got all the meds! It had seemed like forever, but it was 3pm by then, we had missed lunch so we went out to Swiss Chalet for lunch. Mmmm.

Then, once again, I went back to the hotel, which I had honestly not spent much time in, I felt as though it was a pit stop place.

I packed my stuff up, and I started to get ready to go back to Meital's for supper. She had her husband bbq'ing out in the POURING rain! It was just POURING! It was nuts! She had some of her close friends from work come over, there was hot dogs, home made hamburgers, fries, veggies...so much food! It was a really nice meet and greet, and I felt really special to have met her close friends. Everyone left, and we calmed down for the evening. I had some laundry to do, so she, being a sweety, offered to let me use her washer/dryer. It's something I take for granted here at home, I hate having dirty laundry!

We went to bed a reasonable hour, I never put my phone down once, I missed home so much.

The next morning, I woke up and Meital had let me sleep in through our mani and pedi appointment. She figured I had three kids and never got to sleep in. I woke up, she had already made me breakfast (did I mention how fricken sweet she is?) so I ate and then we got my stuff ready and we went and got our nails done! I had never had them done before but it was so nice and I felt so good afterward! We wanted to do a lot of stuff downtown, but there just wasn't time. Instead we went for a drive and she brought me to this amazing restaurant, and then we went to the airport.

Don't even get me started on how fricken confusing it was in the Toronto airport to figure out where to go, how to check my bags...even the staff weren't helpful, they just kept pointing me to screens (which I could barely even READ!) and I was so afraid I'd miss my flights! I finally got to the right places, we loaded onto the plane, and there was a small delay due to thunderstorms.

The flight was only about an hour and twenty minutes. The problem was...because of the weather, we couldn't land and we spent about an extra half hour in the sky. When we landed in Montreal, I had literally 23 minutes to make it to my gate. The good news : it was the Montreal airport...and it was so easy! haha. It took me I think 14 minutes or something to get to the right gate after stopping to ask which gate to get to! They're great in Montreal!

After all the rushing, I was told there was at least a 45 minute delay (thanks mother nature!) and I had NOTHING to worry about. I could have gone and gotten a coffee and some little gifts for the kids or something...had I known. But I didn't. We finally boarded, and then we were stuck ont he ground for another half hour about. Everyone was so hot and it was muggy and the door had to stay open and the whole floor had water all over it from the raining. It was a mess! We finally did take off though, I was so incredibly happy to be on my way home.

I got home, about an hour late on the night of the 29th, and was so so so so so so happy to be in the arms of my loved ones, I thought of nothing else the whole time I was gone. I just wanted to be home, in my bed. It was so hard for me to be away, but it WAS a nice break from the kids, even though the trip was SO hectic!

Now...AF. I'm 12 days late! The one time I want it to show up...it doesn't! How bad is my luck?!

The clinic prescribed Provera, I went to do my groceries tonight and was supposed to pick it up and guess who forgot to get it?!?! ME! I will pick it up tomorrow and I will post pictures of my meds as well and give a basic time schedule for when I take what meds!

For now, I have to admit love has knocked on my door step. This is my surrogacy blog, and those who are very close to me know what's going on, but I'll update when there's more to update on that front. It's a big part of my life, but I don't have permission to talk about it, no one has to worry about me getting my divorce finalized and getting married though before I start getting questions lol.

I'm happy that things are moving in this surrogacy, CD21 of this cycle means my crazy big Lupron shot!

Sorry for taking so long! I'll update super soon with pictures of my meds and a rough med schedule!

CD1

2013-05-26T12:33:00.000-03:00

I leave the airport in about 17h15m. ...Holy crap!

I had a surprise today, my cycle started today a couple days early! I've been told some clinics want you to do your final screening and blood work on CD2, guess what day I'll be on when I do my screening? CD2.5...close enough?

I think so!

I'm hoping that it also means that it'll speed the process up a little bit, I'm so excited to start this journey! It seems like it's been forever in the process! I've really been waiting nearly 2 years for this journey to start. It always surprises me that it's been so long, at the time it felt like forever away, and now I'm leaving in the morning!

That being said..I still need to pack and stuff! So I better get on it huh?

55 Hours And 32 Minutes!

2013-05-24T22:27:00.003-03:00

Well folks, the count down is on!

Yes...I have been away from my blog for faaaarr too long. Forgive me?

With surrogacy, as I've warned you, there is a hurry up and wait rule. That is...you finally get something to do, you rush to get it all done so that things can go quickly and smoothly...and then you wait forever for the next thing to happen.

The hurry up and wait...is about to get worse.

HOWEVER.

On May 27th, at 6am, my flight shall be leaving Bathurst, and at 6:51am I shall be landing in Montreal to get my connection flight to Toronto. At 9:22am I should land in Toronto, where my journey should really actually begin.

I'll check in at the hotel, then I will venture around downtown Toronto. Then it's ZOO TIME! The pandas have been in Toronto since May 15th (from another country hehe) and they are staying in Toronto for 4 years, and then they will be going to Calgary for 4 years after that. They are the only pandas in Canada, so I'm really excited to go see them!

I will make sure to take lots and lots of pictures while I'm there, and I'll try to blog every day that I'm there.

For now, I have to start packing, and hopefully I'll be done by the time the weekend is over! Monday morning comes quickly!

3 Weeks To Go!

2013-05-06T21:19:00.003-03:00

Can you believe it? Can it be true? There's only 21 days until I am in Toronto, really, since it's late, almost down to 20 days! EEEEKKK!!

So, you may ask, what's been going on? Why haven't I been blogging like I usually do?

You see, the truth of the matter is that...there really wasn't much I could update you all on. It was just me waiting...and waiting. I do have a small update though, besides the countdown to Toronto, which is huge to me and for those of you on my facebook, you know that there is a daily countdown.

Today, I got an email from the clinic, and they sent me all four pages (I'll clarify...yes...FOUR (4) pages) of BLOOD WORK that they'll want completed while I'm there. Hopefully there will be enough left to me when I leave. Everything you can possibly imagine is being pulled from my arm that day! I haven't even gotten into the other tests and screening that I'll be doing that day!

I knew that there would be a lot of blood work...4 pages though? WOW! I'll be sure to make sure I drink LOTS of water before going, and to bring some with me. Make sure I have a nice big breakfast too!

The weather has been BEAUTIFUL here, and we've been spending a LOT of time outside lately, it's been really relaxing, I'm glad we got to enjoy the warm weather because it'll be dropping 10-15 degrees for the next few weeks again. I hope that it warms up anyway and that I won't have to freeze when I go to Toronto!

Evan took his first steps on his own last week, that's so exciting to me! The downside though, is that I may have to wean him soon, I don't like how he's learned how to walk over to me, pull my shirt down, and start nursing. I thought it was pretty cute the first time, but then I realized that if he continues to do that, I'll be caught in public while he exposes me! He's not nursing much anymore to be honest, just before his naps and before bed pretty much, it shouldn't be hard to wean him. He's going to be 9 months old in 5 days (where does the time go?!?!), so he'll be started on cow's milk. I'm a bit sad to end our breastfeeding journey, but it also means I will be starting my next surrogacy journey, so it's a give/take scenario.

On the topic of the separation, everyone keeps asking me if I'm okay, I really am! I'm so so so so happy. I keep asking myself, are you REALLY okay? Is this a show? But...it isn't, I'm actually really happy. I don't think I've ever been this happy, even the kids are starting to come around and they seem happy now that mommy is happier. They really do pick up on everything!

As usual, thanks for checking in. I'll keep you all updated on when I get more information from the clinic! I have my appointment schedule, I'm still waiting for my travel itinerary, and when I do get it (it's already been booked) I will let you all know!

xox

A Few Things Today

2013-04-25T11:24:00.001-03:00

Last night I received my itinerary for the trip! Everything is booked, and now I just have to wait...but...you know how long to wait?

Only 1M2D left! CRAZY!

I've gone a bit OCD about it all, I have my wardrobe for the trip decided, now I'm choosing what shoes to bring!

I also have other big news.

I'm on CD3! My cycle has FINALLY returned, 8.5 months post partum. I am OFFICIALLY in the cycling process now! I need at least 2 normal cycles before I can start medication. Everyone ready for those huge needles? I'm not! haha

I'm not sure when an estimated transfer date will be giving, or even start of meds date. I guess we'll have to wait and see after the screening is all done.

We are also going over the contract, I had like 2 pages of foods that were prohibited/restricted...I almost cried, and then decided that it was crazy and I couldn't be restricted like that as long as I'm following my Dr's orders. It said NO pop at all. What happened to most things in moderation? Sheesh. My IP's have obviously never been pregnant, so it's all new to them, so we're just finding what makes everyone comfortable (and fed lol).

I spoke to them again over the weekend, I did miss their first call though, which I did feel bad for, but they called an hour later. Not a huge deal.

I guess I have something serious to talk about today though. I wasn't sure how to blog this, as it's not really something I would blog about.

I asked Josh for a divorce about 4 weeks ago.

It wont' be effecting the surrogacy because we are both going to still sign the contract, as he is still legally my husband, and will be at the signing of the contract. This is important because because we're married, he could claim the baby/babies are his, causing for a huge problem. Of course, he would never do that, but I also want my IF's to feel comfortable with it, and let's be honest, this is a huge deal.

We were together over 7 years, and it's no secret to the people close to us, and now to many others, that he had affairs in the past, that I can't get over. I thought I could, and after therapy, time, a lot of tears, and feeling as though I've failed as a wife, I've come to the conclusion that life is just too short to be hurting every day, and everyone deserves to be happy.

He is still living here, as he's going to be starting his college course...in literally 4 days...and it benefits everyone right now for him to stay here. We haven't really sat down with the kids and spoke about it a WHOLE lot yet, but they know that mommy and daddy will no longer share a room, we won't be kissing or cuddling anymore. They haven't asked "why" yet, as they're only 2 and 4...but when that day comes I'm hoping it won't be something that scars them for life and ruins any chance of them having healthy, normal relationships later haha.

I still have a wonderful support system. I still have financial security. I still feel great about doing this surrogacy. We're not fighting about anything, which is a huge thing. I'm hoping it'll be quick, but know you can't go back and delete over 7 years of your life with someone, you can only start a new page in the book. So, for now, that's what I'm doing!

Life is just too short...and we all deserve to wake up happy, and go to bed with no regrets.

Here's to having no regrets!