Surviving Single Motherhood

You Are Your Best Advocate

2012-01-13T20:32:00.001-05:00

After I had the Peanut, the hospital's billing company would send stacks of bills. The closer I looked at them, I realized they were trying to charge me for days I wasn't there, for procedures and testing that never happened and had multiple account numbers on what appeared to be identical bills. After an unproductive discussion with the billing company, I wrote the hospital and threatened to have them audited. I received a call from the hospital immediately and everything got cleared right up. Although, ever year for the next three years, that billing company would send me a bill for some random something, with an account number that was attached to several people, and I'd have to go through the whole process of threatened to have them investigated to get it resolved.

It made me wonder, how many other people just paid those bills? How many people who are drowning in debt from medical bills wind up paying three times what they should because unethical billing practices?

What brought this up? Well, I received a bill from the school for a school lunch...the Peanut always brings her own lunch. I talked to her about it and she very adamantly assured me that she has not bought a water, a lunch, a snack or anything ever. She knows she's allowed to, so she had no reason to lie. Plus my daughter narcs herself out, she's not one to keep secrets.

The school informs me that the kids punch in their own PIN numbers so there's no way someone else used hers. I know adults that screw up entering data, but a small child can't? WTF? Long story short, she wanted me to pay it. I said absolutely not. We argued. She said she'd look into it. Later, the lunch lady brought my daughter up to this woman, who realized she had never seen my daughter ever so perhaps there was a mistake. You think? I won't hold my breath for an apology.

My point wasn't that $2.30 was a big deal. The point is I'd bet, much like the hospital, they make hundreds of thousands a year on incorrectly billing people. And why should they fix it, right now this system is allowing them to get paid for food they're not serving. Big businesses are screwing us because we let them.

You have to advocate for yourself. Don't allow all these companies to make you feel powerless. If you're reading this, then obviously you have internet access...stop messing around with apps and start educating yourself. Learn what your rights are as a consumer. And stop paying bills you don't think you owe! Fight, ask for supervisors, write down the names of who you talk to, and file complaints with the government agencies that are suppose to police this stuff. They will call you back.

And before you say, who has time for that? Think about it like this....if you get a $5 bill you don't actually owe, but you just ignore it instead of calling and fighting with them, they'll send it to collections and in a few years that $5 will turn into $5000. If this post wasn't already so long, I'd go into the time and energy it takes to fix that mess.

Start advocating for yourself, you can't afford not to.

The Terror in Transitioning from Homeschool to Public School

2012-01-10T15:59:00.000-05:00

The Peanut's first day of school was nerve racking. For me, not her.

When she was homeschooled by my NLCP I knew where she was, what she was doing and that she was somewhere safe, loved and well fed all day long. The thought of sending her to public school was terrifying for me, full of constant what if's. What if someone hurt her? What is someone tried to steal her from the playground? What if she gets bullied? What if she doesn't make any friends? What if she has problems learning the curriculum?

The Peanut on the other hand was super excited about school. She had a brief experience in school during a visit to my sister's in Alabama, so this wasn't her first time at the rodeo. But that school was different. It was a private Christian school run by a bunch of local moms...not really the same thing as public school in Jersey.

We bought a special outfit for the first day, along with an iCarly bookbag and lunchbag. She had full and total input in everything she needed for school. The first day, she was excited but also a little nervous. I was barely holding it together. I literally almost threw up in the parking lot after she went inside the building. I spent the whole day nauseous and panicked. I lamented to the Hubby that they should give you an itinerary so you know where they are and what they're doing every minute of the day! He was very supportive and kind all day, but even he had to hold back laughter at that one.

We're now five months in and she loved it from the first day and continues to love it now. She has friends who scream her name when they see her. She even tells me long, convoluted stories about her day and what she did after I pick her up.

I know public school can be scary for us overprotective, helicopter moms; but, just know much like the rest of us, they'll survive and thrive and learn all about being social, as well as independent. And you? Don't spend your day curled up in a ball in the corner. Relax, have a cup of coffee, read a grown up book or watch something that doesn't involve Spongebob. Don't be scared to let them detach and be their own person. It'll be good for both of you.

Now I Know Why There's So Much Unemployment

2011-10-26T09:18:00.000-04:00

I am officially a licensed social worker in the fabulous state of New Jersey. I have a great resume. I have many qualifications many of my peers do not have. I am a great diagnostician, have previous legal experience, tons of sales and marketing experience and I can even do all the paperwork to turn your organization into a federally recognized non-profit organization. I am a hard dedicated worker with a can do attitude. So why am I still unemployed?

Probably the same reason so many other people are. The application process for jobs has become ridiculous. First you search only to find most of these listings are over thirty days old and have almost no information about what they're actually hiring for. Then you find one to apply to and they want you to first upload your resume, then cut and paste all your resume information into their fields, and some even require a litany of questions to be answered that I cannot imagine anyone is actually reading. It takes about an hour to find and fill out most of these applications and the only response you get is along the lines of, "Thanks for your interest...we get lots of applications...don't call us, we'll call you."

Remember when you could meet people face to face when you applied? You even had an actual person to call and talk to a week after so you can find out where they were in the hiring process? What happened to all of that? I know if I could actually get in the door somewhere, they'd hire me. Perhaps I need to look into job fairs. It's just very frustrating because not only do I love what I do, but I am really good at it! Think some good thoughts and send them my way please.

Just Buy It

2011-10-19T20:32:00.000-04:00

I know many women would love this problem...anytime I mention something I'd like, the Hubby says, "Just buy it." He'll even come up with ways to justify spending the money for me. He always says he just wants me to be happy. The problem is that I am a big believer in fiscal responsibility. I hate spending money. It doesn't bring me joy.

Now a chicken rubbed with reserved bacon fat and roasted to perfection...that brings me joy. Watching the Peanut do pretty much anything brings me joy. The Hubby disposing of the dead opossum on the patio...well, that's more relief that I don't have to do it than joy. People make fun of my hoarding stuff, but I restore, repurpose, reuse everything. Who cares if I have a lot of crap in my basement? Pulling stuff from there instead of buying new stuff saves us thousands every year.

My dad is the most fiscally responsible person I know. He always said, you can't count on Social Security, it may not be there. If you get it, it's like a bonus, but don't think you're going to live on that. You need to save money. Once you retire, what are you going to do? You'll have no way of making extra money, so you have to save it for retirement when you're young. Smart man my dad.

I think our problem is like everyone else's...finding balance. I'm teaching him to be more responsible in his spending decisions and he's teaching me to actually spend some of the money we've worked so hard for. I think once I get back to work I'll be less stressed about our finances...who am I kidding? I'll still freak out every month.

And Off to First Grade She Goes...

2011-09-14T14:45:00.001-04:00

The Peanut started first grade last week. Can you believe it? She loves school although she always looks exhausted when she comes home. She never has a lot of details. I know she has two new friends, but she can only remember one of their names.

Her going to school has been pretty traumatic for me. I've had headaches and have been nauseous all the time. My asthma has been out of control. The first day I was in total panic mode. I still spend all day worrying that someone is going to hurt her or steal her or I don't know... I am aware of how irrational I sound.

It's funny...back in my pre-baby life I wasn't scare of anything. I traveled alone. I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Yet since the baby, I live in this constant state of paranoia. It's exhausting. I check the locks on the doors all the time. I won't sleep with the windows open. I almost never leave the house with her after dark.

Sometimes I think I need therapy. I know all this worrying isn't normal and probably isn't healthy. I take deep breaths...a lot. I try to remind myself that the crap on Criminal Minds is more than likely not going to invade our reality. I can't imagine what her teenage years are going to be like for me.

Check it Out!

2011-08-12T09:01:00.000-04:00

My completely adorable brother-in-law has is own youtube channel rogueruse. Lots of spiritual stuff. Songs about God and Jesus. Not so much my thing but I still listen because I love to hear him sing. Plus sometimes my nephews are in the videos and I love to see their smiling heads in the background.

Is P90X for the Average Woman?

2011-07-19T18:33:00.000-04:00

I think so.

In my twenties, I was at the gym four or five days a week. Since my daughter, I've done very little other than a smidge of yoga. The elliptical I have at home doesn't appeal to me anymore. Then I stopped fitting into my jeans. Stupid pregnancy pouch.

So I decided I'd try out P90X. I hear it's super hardcore and most of my friends were like, it'll be too much for you. Well, guess what? It's really not.

Here's the key. You need to listen to Tony (the guy on the DVD) when he says don't let your ego get in the way of your workout. If you're using a weight that's too heavy, then switch to a lighter weight. If you can't do the amount of reps or lift your leg as high as they are, who cares? Do what you can.

Now they're long...almost an hour. And the yoga one is like an hour and a half or something. But the first ten minutes is warm up and the last eight to five is a cool down. So really, you're only working out for a half hour or so. The first week, I was hurting a bit. Okay, a lot. It kicked my ass. But by the second week, it was all good. I'm sore in places I didn't know I had muscles. I'm not doing the diet plan, so I'm not fitting in my jeans the right way just yet.

But, I think these DVD's are way more doable than people anticipate. My scale's busted, so I don't know if I'm losing weight, but looking in the mirror, I think things are getting tighter and higher and stuff...that's always a good thing. If anyone's interested, I'll give you my opinions on the DVD's as I go through them in my own sporadic way that has nothing to do with the order of the disks they say you should do for weight loss.

My Crunchy Granola Child

2011-07-05T20:45:00.000-04:00

From a young age, the Peanut used to ask me if we could get a bag and go out to pick up garbage. I'd hem and haw and she's lecture me on how we need to help keep the planet clean. She always remembers to put the right kind of stuff in the compost bin. She even knows all about recycling and how the bees are dying.

The Peanut also will talk your ear off about how people should all try to be nice and get along with each other. Why fighting isn't productive. Why we should all work together like a team.

Her newest fascination is with being a vegetarian. This came after a month long discussion about where food comes from. It started with her being upset by the lobsters crammed into the Shop Rite tank. Then for weeks she had questions about the pigs and cows that died for her food.

As a Buddhist, we discussed how you have the choice to eat meat or not; but if you're going to, then you should make sure you always take a moment to appreciate that that animal gave up its life so you could eat.

For a while she would remind us to think about what we were eating before each meal. Then one day, she said she didn't want to eat meat anymore. First she said for a week, then fourteen days. Then she said maybe chicken, but only sometimes. And ham on Sundays.

I am ashamed to say that I have in no way encouraged her desire to be a vegetarian, which is sad because I'd like to be one too! The problem is since she is more interested in fruits and veggies than she is beans or tofu, I have no clue to how make sure she's getting a balanced diet.

I'm doing the best I can with cutting back drastically on meat. Even the Hubby is okay with it, as long as we have meat at least once a week. What's been great about her new outlook on food, is that she's been open to trying new stuff. She ate steamed artichokes, a baked potato and london broil for dinner yesterday...what an improvement from pasta with butter and nothing else!

Babyphobia

2011-06-20T18:13:00.000-04:00

I would love to have one more baby. The Hubby would really love to have one more. But there are factors like money, time and the usual arguments against it. Plus, a new baby would be 7 years younger than our girls, which means once they're off to college, I'll still have one at home going through those fun teenage-angst years. That doesn't really appeal to me. And of course I have my reproductive issues that would probably make it difficult and stressful to conceive anyway.

The bigger problem is the Peanut. She has babyphobia. Okay, I'm sure there's a real term for that, but I don't know what it is. All I know is that babies make her cringe. She looks at them like they're going to morph into zombies and eat her brains. Even little kids freak her out. And little dogs, but that's a different conversation. She clings to me and her bear and sucks on her cute little fingers every time she's near one.

It got me thinking about sibling relationships. My sister doesn't really like me, she never has. She has this attitude, even now, that my coming along somehow ruined her life. The Hubby doesn't even kind of like his sister (although, I can't blame him, she's...well, let's just say she's something else). And the large majority of the people I know have strained relationships with their siblings and would completely cut them out of their lives if they could.

While have a sibling sounds good to parents in theory, do the kids really enjoy it? The Peanut says, "Well, I have a step-sister..." and then refuses to say anything else. So is it worth the financial constraints and the traumatization of my Peanut? I'm sad to say, I think it's time to start giving the baby stuff away and accept that a second one probably isn't in the cards.

Our Family Honeymoon

2011-06-10T15:27:00.099-04:00

Thanks so much to my lovely friend Catherine, we were able to go away to a lovely resort in Lincoln, NH. This is the view from our balcony. The weather was great and room was amazing. The Peanut walked in and said, "It's like a dream come true!"

I'm not going in order, but whatever. We went in this tram named Mustard to an elevation of 4180 ft.

Then we walked around the side of the mountain ledge to the observation point...which put us over 5000 ft. high. Talk about scary. The Peanut wasn't scared, but she told me, "Mommy, remember don't look down!" Here's a pic from below. See the towers up there? That's where we were but higher.

We drove a lot. We saw tons of signs about moose crossing and they say there's lots of bears.

But other than a couple of wild turkey and this fox, we didn't see any wildlife.

During an outing to the outlets a couple of girls at Starbucks told us about this place. Really good food!

We also ate at the Gypsy Cafe...a little on the expensive side, but the portions were good and the food was great. The people were super friendly, and def listen to the waitresses recommendations!

Loved the artwork on the walls! I might have to do the Peanut's room like this.

We went to a couple of cool little shops. We went to Bethlehem and spent a great deal of time at Ragamuffins. What a collection of antiques and collectibles! I picked up some beautiful earrings, depression glass, an antique bear pin for the Peanut and a 1800's cake knife, which I thought we could use during our family-included wedding/vow renewal next year.

We also went to The Penguin in North Conway had great stuff! We got some very cool things, including geodes, which apparently was the Hubby's dream to get so he could smash them open.

We made a bunch of random pit stops at look out points. This one involved an army of mosquitoes. We only stayed long enough to take that pic.

We played mini-golf. Which would have been more fun if they treated the water. We thought that pit stop was bad, this was worse. The Peanut didn't mind, plus she got a hole in one!

We stopped for a few minutes at the Brick Store, the oldest American general store. Sorry to say, not that exciting and the fudge tasted like store bought chocolate icing. There was a pic of the Obama's on the wall.

We drove out to VT and went to Cabot to do the tour.

We also went to the Ben & Jerry's tour. The Hubby said it used to be more exciting. We sampled some ice cream with chocolate covered potato chips and...well I forgot, but it wasn't very good.

We went to the Flume Gorge, was was pretty awesome.

That's the Hubby and the Peanut walking up. The trail was a few miles long. The Peanut was a real trooper, no one had to carry her and she never complained.

A nice family took a pic for us.

Beautiful, right?

Can you believe we walked up that? Slippery and kinda scary. Well, for me, not the other two.

The Peanut took this pic...too bad the he wasn't actually looking at the camera. I can't tell you how many pics involve him not looking at the camera or her making a weird face. I love them, but seriously Kind of annoying...just saying...

So all in all, a great honeymoon. Next year, we're going to drop off the Peanut with my folks and go on a honeymoon without her. If you're going to visit New Hampshire, I def recommend the InnSeason Resorts. Just be prepared to drive a lot to get anywhere and walk a lot when you get there.

Us + 2

2011-06-08T21:32:00.000-04:00

I am officially no longer a single parent. We ran off and eloped. It was the perfect private ceremony I wanted. Next year, we'll have something small to renew our vows that people can actually come to. Now that I've had time to absorb who congratulated us and who didn't, it reaffirmed my thought that most people would have came for the free food and open bar and not to "bask in our love." I'm so glad we didn't waste the money.

It's funny. As a single mother, I always felt this weight of people thinking, "Oh, that poor girl..." Mainly by people that know nothing about the circumstances of pregnancy. And my choice to be single often made me feel like an outcast by people who, more often than not, were coupled with people they barely liked. Now that we're legally bound together, suddenly the attitude around me is like, "She finally assimilated? She's following the crowd? Good. Now who should be chastise for not being a sheep?"

Okay, I'm sure people aren't really saying that, but it really annoyed me. I'm the same girl I always was. Being married doesn't change who I am, what I believe or what I'm passionate about. I may have a co-parent now, but I'm still, at the end of the day, the one that has to make all the parenting choices. I posted a while back about changing the name of this blog, but I'm not. In my heart, I'm still a single mom. The difference is now, I have a little added support.

Her iCarly 6th Birthday Party

2011-04-09T08:00:00.002-04:00

Not only did I not take many pics, but I forgot to assign someone else to the job. Rick and the Peanut did the decorations this year. We had spaghetti tacos and mini pigs in a blanket along with some various non-iCarly related stuff to eat. I was going to make smoothies, but they wanted soda.

Then inspired by those annoying infommercials, I dyed sugar cookie dough so it looked like Play-doh and let them use the Play-doh presses and cutters to make cookies. Talk about a big hit!

iCarly has a big thing with gummi bears, so instead of a cake, I make a jello cake using a bear cake pan mold I got at A.C. Moore. I didn't grease the pan or anything. It took about six or seven packs of jello. I used the regular recipe for about half then the "use this version if you're a mold" recipe. To un-mold, I placed a cookie sheet on top then flipped it. Then I put a warm towel on top until it loosened and voila!

She'll start first grade this September, so I think this is the last of my getting away with small birthday parties. She got Barbie stuff, an iCarly remote and Zingo. She loved her presents, really and truly.

I just can't get over the fact that she's six!

The Best Xmas Present Ever - Revised

2011-03-18T01:54:00.000-04:00

A few weeks back, I got around to writing a very belated post about my Christmas present...a Kitchen-Aid Mixer. I always wanted one, forever. And I do love it, it is amazing. But I realized (as I sit here tonight using it), that the mixer really wasn't the best present ever.
The Peanut was in Alabama around the holidays. She was out with my mom and saw a back massager. Nothing fancy, just one of those strap it to your chair and it vibrates kinda of massagers.

Now everytime we go anywhere with one of the good massagers...you know what I'm talking about...with the balls that roll and knead your back...ahhhh...I sit and use it. So when she saw that massager, she asked my mom if they could get me that for Christmas because she knows how much I love them.

How freaking sweet is she? Out with the grandparents who'll buy her anything she points at, and instead she's worrying about getting me something. And not just getting me something, but getting me something that she figured out in her cute super smart brain that I'd love.

She's awesome. I have to thank her for it again in the morning. I don't know if I'm surviving or survived but I'm definitely very lucky.

I Haven't Been Posting Because I Feel Like a Fraud

2011-03-10T12:39:00.009-05:00

I barely post anything anymore. Part of that is school. I write so much all week for class, I don't have the time or energy to put into this as much. That makes me sad, because I love this SMC/Mommy blogger community. Sometimes I want to share what I'm learning in classes with you. But, time...oh, the time constraints.

The other half is that I feel like a fraud. I'm not really a single mom anymore. Technically, yes. But I've been with the Boyfriend now for almost two years. Him and the Peanut have more of a buddy friendship thing that a dad and kid thing going on. But next year, we've decided to get married (check out the new blog at Our Wedding Our Way), so he'll technically be her step-dad. She plans to keep calling him by name and not dad. She said she doesn't need a dad. There are different kinds of families and she has just a mom and she's totally cool with that.

But nonetheless, he is here now in the father role. He takes out the garbage, carries her when we're out, and does crafts with her. I have full-time, live-in help now. And I hate when my coupled friends say they're raising their kids by themselves...fell like the martyr all you want, but you're co-parenting...it's not the same thing as being a single parent. No one but a single parent can understand the enormity of the difference.

So I'm not really doing it myself. It seems wrong to say I'm "surviving single motherhood" now. Maybe I should change the name to my "post single mom by choice life". I feel like I'm insulting single moms who are truly day and night on their own, raising their kids. I still identify as being a SMC since I did choose to have a child on my own, but I don't feel right saying I'm a single mother anymore.

Am I being too hard on myself?

My Baby Turned Six, Does That Mean I Have to Stop Calling Her Baby?

2011-03-04T07:09:00.000-05:00

Everyone I know does it. They all refer to the Peanut as the Baby. Although my bio family is starting to call her the Princess. I've always referred to her has various types of food, moo sho gai pan, baklava, macaroni and cheese...you get the idea.

The Boyfriend made a banner and cupcakes while I was at school. We gave her the wii games she wanted...no point making her wait until her party in two weeks to have them. I wasn't really feeling up to it, but we hit up the Chinese buffet for dinner since it's her favorite. When I put her to bed, I told her the story of when I "borned" her. She loves to hear it. I love that kid so much it makes my heart want to break.

School is kinda kicking my ass, there just aren't enough hours in the day. So her party will be during spring break. It's going to be an iCarly birthday. Spaghetti tacos, groovy smoothies and a change of venue from the cupcake decorating that I'm not going to spill just yet.

My Vday...Quilling and a Vintage Barbie House

2011-02-17T09:31:00.001-05:00

So, a little late, but here's some pics. Last year the Boyfriend made me bouquet of origami flowers. The jacked up prices of real flowers on Vday bug me, so he knows not to buy me real ones. I know, I have issues.

This year, my very crafty boyfriend decided to try out quilling. Apparently, much harder than you'd think.

I told him he doesn't have to go so crazy every year. I would have been happy with some mixing bowls lol

The Peanut decided she wanted to make me a mermaid picture.

I love that they made the mermaid brown with black hair :)

Then she colored in some wooden hearts.

Then it was my turn. I picked up this incredible vintage Barbie dream house from Freecycle. The lovely people that let me pick it up, also included a huge box of dolls, clothes and furniture.

I super love the hot tub. You push a button and it bubbles!

I'm not a doll house person, but check out the details on this. I have to say, I love that it's not all pink. The Peanut has been playing with it non-stop. We moved it out of the living room onto her loft bed. It's a little over 4 feet wide and 3 feet tall, so the middle of the living room wasn't the best place for it.

I hope you all had a great day with the people you love xo

Words of Wisdom

2011-02-06T12:32:00.002-05:00

"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying."
-- Fran Lebowitz

My Leaving Law School Story

2011-01-01T21:38:00.001-05:00

One day I was sitting in my civil procedures class. I was near the back, bored out of my mind as usual. I started doodling. I practiced writing in cursive upside down with my left hand (by the time I left law school I was a pro at it). Then I started writing a list of all the things I'd rather be doing. Then I had this thought...which I wrote down and still have since I'm a hoarder...

"Why am I here? Great question. Why am I here? I think my problem is I'd so much rather be in art school than here. I want to spend my day sculpting and going to museums for 'research.' I know this is where the money's at, but is this really where I want to be?"

I sat there for a moment. I took one last look around at my classmates, then I stood up, packed up my things and left.

I wound up across the street at this bar we used to frequent...they encourage drinking way too much at law school. They were just opening up, so I sat down and started talking to the bartender. I asked him how he wound up doing what he's doing.

He told me he used to be work on the floor at Wall Street. He said he made amazing money, but he worked so much he never had time to spend it. He was always so stressed out that he wound up having three heart attacks. And on top of all that his wife left him because he was never around to be a part of their marriage. He said one day he walked off the floor and became a bartender. He said he makes nothing compared to what he used to make, but he's happier than he's ever been. He's traveled on all sorts of cruises and to all sorts of islands. He really and truly enjoys his life now.

As I sat and listened I thought, this is my sign. This is the universe saying listen carefully because we can't make this message anymore obvious than we're doing right now. So I listened to the universe, walked back across the street and filed a leave of absence from school and never went back.

I'm not an artist now...unless you count all the stuff I do with the Peanut. But going into social work and working with the elderly brings me joy. Everyday I spend at my internship makes me happy. Sounds cheesy, but I totally get what they mean when they say you need to follow your joy.

So that's my new years hope for all of you out there. Listen to your heart. Maybe your dream job doesn't involve the big bucks or sound remotely prestigious, but who cares? It's your life. Don't you want to be happy waking up every morning knowing you get to do something you love?

Don't settle for a life that isn't everything you want. You deserve more than that.

Happy New Year's. xo

WTF Mattel?

2011-01-01T21:10:00.000-05:00

What idiot at Mattel thought is was a good idea to stick these things in the back of the Barbie heads?
When you cut them off, you still wind up with a very hard and sharp piece of plastic.
It's like a lawsuit waiting to happen...just saying...

Have Santa Send a Personalized Video Message This Year

2010-12-11T18:19:00.001-05:00

If you remember writing Santa a letter and putting it in the mail...then you must be old, because no one's doing that anymore. Now there's the PNP...Portable North Pole. I did this last year and it was a big hit. I hope your little ones like it too.

THE PNP - PORTABLE NORTH POLE CONSOLE IS ONLINE!

For the third consecutive year, Santa Claus and his fantastic PNP - Portable North Pole console will be online throughout the Holiday season, allowing you to send personalized video messages FREE to your children, parents and friends.

Please note the NEW website address and visit us today to see all the great new features!

PNP 2010: http://www.portablenorthpole.tv/
PNP Portable North Pole TM is a trademark of UGroupMedia inc.

My Belated I'm Thankful For... List

2010-11-28T18:03:00.000-05:00

My daughter, even if she is at Disney w/ my family and I'm stuck here in Jersey missing her.
My wonderful boyfriend who brings me coffee when I'm writing papers and never complains that I always have to hold the remote.
My dog who makes me feel safe when I'm home alone.
This semester is almost over! woo hoo!
My awesome internship. I love working with seniors and this internship helped me see that this is def what I want to do with my life.
Heat. OMG is it cold out!
My new friends from school. They make going to class less miserable.
Deciding to get the parking permit at school. It was expensive but so worth it.
My NLCP who never complains about having to watch the Peanut.
All the food I get from work...I am saving so much money grocery shopping!
Always making time to snuggle with my Peanut...just holding her is like taking Valium.
Oatmeal, toffee, chocolate chip, craisin cookies...mmm.
The DVR. This thing is so awesome.
The shelf we built in my office. Maybe now I can get organized....maybe.
Blogs. It's the only way I can keep up with people lately.
My laptop. I thought it was going to crap out on me, but (knock on wood) so far so good.
Wii. It's so nice to have family game night games that we can all play together.
Scrabble. At work and at home, it is so much fun and keeps my brain from turning to mush.
Bully Beatdown. My absolute new favorite show.
And lastly...well, there's more, but I have to finish my paper...being so fortunate to have so many people in our lives that love and care about us.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving Everyone!

Cyber Bullying and Internet Safety

2010-09-30T22:14:00.001-04:00

A young man at my school killed himself. Apparently, two kids thought it would be, I don't know, funny? to post a video they secretly took of him having sex with another man. Bad right? Well, they didn't just record him, they posted it online for the world to see. My professor wrote about it at Psychology Today if you're interested. Although it's been all over the news, so you've probably already heard.

As a parent, and a person who knows and loves the gay people in my life, this story really struck a chord with me. Listening to the kids in my class, I realized that there were a lot of differing views on who is to blame and whether this was an intentional, malicious act. It also helped me realize that a lot of my twenty-something peers are idiots, but that's a differnt conversation.... Instead of doing one of my usual preachy rants, I thought I'd point out what I felt are the important lessons we can learn from this:

I cannot stress enough the importance of teaching your kids the concept of there being consequences for your actions.
Being in your teens or 20's is not a form of mental retardation. Unless they have a mental condition, they know the difference between right and wrong.
Even if you feel negatively about the LGBTQ community, the bigger picture is that you have a responsibility to teach your children basic standards of showing others respect and a sense of humanity.
If you want to teach your children that your religion says being gay is wrong, then also teach them we are all God's children and we should treat each other right because that's what Jesus would do (or so I've heard, I'm not Christian or Catholic).
Computer's don't belong in the privacy of their bedrooms. It's not about being a helicopter mom, it's about paying attention to what you're child is doing.
If you don't believe you're child is mature enough to use the internet, then don't pay $30 a month for them to access it from their phones.
Explain to them that when something is online...words, posts, pics or videos...they are there forever and can negatively effect their lives.
Talk to your children about the internet. Not just safety in terms of bad people trying to talk to them but what they're doing and perhaps shouldn't be doing.
"Kids will be kids" or "It's age appropriate" is not an excuse. It's one thing for college freshman to go party, it's another if they're trying to emulate Lindsay Lohan...or for that matter Joe Francis.
Make sure your kids know...and this really extends to everyone in general...that if you're doing something that you wouldn't want other people to know you did...then you probably shouldn't be doing it. Use some common sense.

My heart goes out to the Clementi family. I'm so sorry for your loss.

H.R. 5504 Improving Nutrition for America's Children Act

2010-09-25T10:42:00.000-04:00

Have any of you ever read a bill? I have to do a policy memo on this act for my Social Welfare Policy and Service class.

First, the bill itself is a very complicated read. I don't really understand it at all. Everything I read on blogs about it seems to imply it will improve school lunches by providing more fresh food and veggies. Yet, when you read it, it seems to be more about kids from low-income families gaining better access to free/low cost healthy options at school. There's even a bit at the end about encouraging WIC recipients to breastfeed. I'm all for breastfeeding, but what exactly does that have to do with school lunches?

Now I see why nothing happens the way it should in our government...who can actually understand what they're proposing to do if all bills are written this way!

That's my random rant for the day. I'll keep anyone interested posted on what I learn about this bill. And later this semester I'll be reviewing another bill on healthy foods in schools and the prevention of childhood obesity.

It's kind of sad that it's not common sense that we should provide kids with healthy lunches at school. Although maybe it's not common sense to some...I did see a lady on Maury that fed her three year old a couple of dozen eggs covered in mounds of butter and heaps of salt and several pounds of bacon for breakfast because that's what he wanted, so that's what she made. He weighed over 200 pounds or something. Yeeesh.

Why Does Getting Older Translate Into My Ass is Getting Bigger?

2010-09-14T20:57:00.001-04:00

In my twenties I ate whatever, probably exercised more, but ate like crap and drank all the time. Yet I stayed relatively in shape with ease. Lately, I've noticed my skin breaking out. I've never had more than a pimple or two on my face in my whole life, so obviously this is annoying. My hair is kinda flat and often uncooperative. And now my ass is getting bigger. I used to slide right into them, no problem. Then recently I noticed I had to squeeze into them instead.

I asked the Boyfriend and his cautiously confirmed that yes that I was putting on a little weight. So I weighed myself and low and behold I'm five pounds heavier. When I was in my twenties an extra five up and down was my norm. Now in my thirties that's the difference between fitting in my clothes and looking like a stuffed sausage. But now I can't stop looking in the mirror. I'm sure what I'm seeing is much worse than what it is but yuck.

I went to do some of the Boyfriend's P90X (which he did like 3 times then keeps coming excuses as to why he's not doing it). As I was doing the yoga DVD I noticed this horrible cottage cheese like texture to my legs. I also noticed they were way larger than I remembered. I'm also winded after a few long versions of songs on Just Dance. I am officially old. I don't think I care for it.

I told the Boyfriend to stop telling me I'm sexy. I'm not. I'm lumpy. He rolls his eyes at me. I'm trying not to continuously point out that I feel like I'm twice the size I was last week. It's probably my bad karma. He's dated a lot of heavier girls (with old lady or tranny-esque faces, what's up with that?) so I've made fun of him. See, that's what I get. A ginormous ass. Sometimes life is not fair.

So, I'm going to have find a way to exercise. No more attempts at zeppole making. Salads. Fruit. Less sugar in the coffee. No more ice cream. Blah. I guess I better jump onto the dieting bandwagon before it's too late.

Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better...

2010-07-22T13:35:00.005-04:00

You not a better parent than someone else because...

You breastfed or bottle fed your baby.
You make homemade organic food or served up Gerber in jars.
You run through flashcards everyday or because you unschool/homeschool.
You teach your kids one religion or teach them all religions so they can choose themselves.
You give your kids crafts to do while you cook or clean or you let them watch TV.
You let your kids run around naked outside or you cover them up head to toe.
You remember to put on sunblock every 30 minutes or you only remember when you go to the beach.
You co-sleep or you let them cry it out.
You take a million pictures and scrapbook everything or you only take a few cell cam shots when you think about it.
You read your kids books all day or only read one at night.
You brush your kid's hair or let them do it themselves and hope for the best.
You dress your kids in brand new brand name clothes and let them wear hand me downs.
You only let them listen to Radio Disney or you let them rock out to whatever you're listening too.
Your kids have manners and some have never used thank you or please before.
You let your kids roam free in restaurants and other kids are strictly taught decorum.
You let your kids play outside in the yard unsupervised or you helicopter around them every second.
You vaccinate your kid and someone else doesn't.
You use anti-bacterial gel on your kids and everything they touch or you don't bother with any of it.
You only clean your house with homemade cleaners or you buy Lysol everything.
You let your kids watch dvds in the car or you don't.
You let your kids eat whatever all day or you use the food pyramid as a definitive guideline.
You put your kids to bed at 8 or you put them to bed at 10.
You encourage your kids to color in the lines or let them do what they want.
You're super scheduled and routined or your more of a fly by the seat of your pants kinda parent.
You buy your kids expensive new toys all the time or you think getting them craft stuff is better.

Just remember when your judging someone else's parenting, that just because you don't agree with what they're doing, it doesn't mean they're wrong. It just means it's different.

As long as you love your kids, everything else is everything else.

Unless you beat your kids, or belittle them, or make them feel like crap because of your own personal emotional baggage...then maybe I'm a little better than you. Just saying...