Susan Katz Keating

More to Mark the Diamond Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth II: A Ride Down Memory Bridle Path

2012-06-02T13:00:00.000-04:00

Ah, memories.... sigh...

Those were the days. President Reagan and Queen Elizabeth. Heads of state should know how to sit a horse.

To Queen Elizabeth II on 60 Years of Wearing the Crown: Happy Jubilee!

2012-06-02T00:30:00.000-04:00

To QE2 as she ushers in her Diamond Jubilee weekend celebration: Happy Jubilee, Ma'am! And many more years of benevolent rule to come! I hope you get to play with more toys at the party.

H/T to our intrepid Minicapt for sending the pic. And for serving to remind me... I met her once. Oh, yes I did. Hmmmm....

However, we did not go shooting...

Old Mossback's "The Bum Duck Chronicles," Episode Four: Wheels-Up From Panama City

2012-06-01T13:00:00.000-04:00

Mossy continues the tale...

Between message traffic and e-tickets, the Internet was burning up between my cottage in Florida and the domiciles of my core team members. There was not much information coming from the home office and even less from the contractor my company was replacing. It was nothing personal; when a new contractor moves in, the grunts on the ground have little to worry about because the new contractor invariably makes them a job offer. On the other hand, the management (who are also contract employees) are usually too busy scrambling to find new jobs to pay any attention to incoming e-mails from the incoming management.

That’s just the way things are. Time was running out and, ready or not, the curtain on our act was going up. I needed to scramble in order to be there when it happened.

Loaded with a stack of debit cards, cash, ledgers, papers, and what clothes I thought I would need for the first month, I began the trek to Bum Duck. Enroute, I made a quick stop at my bank to inform them that I will be using my ATM card in Bum Duck, so please do not block my account. Whenever I stop in to inform them where my ATM card will be going, they look at me as if I have a lobster sticking out of my ear.

In Panama City, Florida, they believe a hajj is going to Memphis to visit Graceland.

There is an ongoing and never-resolved issue I have with all my employers which centers on them flying their people half way around the world on cattle class. In most third world countries, most flights from the EU arrive in the very early morning. Considering the layover time at connecting airports, the new hire usually arrives after at least 36 hours of traveling, which means 36 hours of no sleep. The usual line from the company is that day one will be a rest day; but whenever I get wherever I’m going, the first thing I'm told is, "Well, there are a few people you need to see right now and a few things you need to do right now, because (fill in the blank) has to be done right now and can’t wait until tomorrow."

With cattle class e-ticket firmly in hand, I said goodbye to my family. Daughter, the fruit of my loins, was tearful but could not hug me tightly because of residual soreness from her recent cosmetic procedure. Departure from Panama City, flight change in Atlanta, then overnight to Paris. Now, what is there to say about the Atlanta airport that has not been said before? It is limited chaos at best and unmitigated chaos at all other times.

As I was about to board my overnighter to Paris, I was pulled aside and informed the flight was overbooked, but would I mind a free upgrade to business class? "Would I mind a free upgrade to business class? Why, no, of course not." Anything to oblige, and all.

Things were definitely looking up as I settled in for the flight to Paris.

(To be continued)

Sending the Cops to Swoop in On Nonexistent Crime Scenes: "SWATing" Conservatives

2012-06-01T00:30:00.000-04:00

The spate of fake 911 calls against conservative commentators continues. I guess you could call it an outgrowth of the old "suicide by cop" method, in which hapless police officers are maneuvered into pulling the trigger on a desperado who doesn't care how many nightmares he spawns. In the new version, known as "SWATing," nefarious perps call in special weapons and tactics teams on non-existent murder scenes. It's beyond ugly. The victims have been conservative bloggers and pundits. My BFF Concrete Bob has a good rundown, here, on this vile new practice.

Old Mossback's "The Bum Duck Chronicles," Episode Three: Assembling the Team

2012-05-31T12:00:00.000-04:00

The Old Mossback continues the tale of his contract in Bum Duck . Take it away, Mossy...

I was very busy during the remaining time I had in Florida. Although the home office had yet to provide me with names of people they had recruited for the Bum Duck contract, I was busy assembling my own team (I suspect that was what the home office was counting on). Within hours after going online, I had assembled my core group; they were available, qualified, dead broke, and in need of a job.

1) Uncle Bob: A former Texas law dog who worked with me in Kuwait. If it was a machine, he could run it and (more important) if it was broken, he could fix it.

2) Dizzy: Proud as a peacock Hispanic woman, wore her jeans so tight that if she had a nickel in her back pocket, I could tell whether it was heads or tails. I knew her from the Bosnia and Pakistan days. Just coming off divorce #3 (or was it #4?), she was available for employment.

3) Rick the Rat: Jack-of-all-trades who knew how to wheel and deal or procure and steal. Another guy from the days we were in Kuwait. He also would like to have my job, nothing personal, just business as he would say.

4) KM: Retired Air Force security and law enforcement, she could move the paperwork and keep the bean counters off my back. Built like Dolly and as modest as a two year old.

5) Bad Bob: Been in the field for a long, long time, and if it hit the fan, let Bad Bob loose. Not to be confused with Uncle Bob.

6) T-Bone: Retired Green Beret, and that about covers that.

7) Bill: Good old boy from Alabama. One of the cheapest men I have ever met in my entire life.

Time is running out, so everything is fax and overnight via UPS and Fed-Ex. I wanted my core seven no more than 72 hours behind me when I landed at Bum Duck. The typical conversation with the home office went like this:

"Do you people ever read these e-tickets that you send out? You have me flying into Charles de Gaul in Paris at 0800 and departing for Bum Duck at 0820! There is no way and no how a person can deplane at that airport at that hour, get through customs and immigration, then through security, then to the departure gate in an entirely different terminal, and go wheels up in just 20 minutes! As far as the luggage making it? Give me a break!"

(To be continued)

Uniform Encounters: A Pup and His Pals

2012-05-31T01:30:00.000-04:00

All together, now: Awwwww.....

U.S. Army Pfc. Chris Kunze, right, relaxes with his military working dog in

Khoni Ghar in Afghanistan's Khost province. Kunze, a cannon crewmember,

is assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 377th Parachute Field Artillery Regiment.

U.S. Army photo by Spc. Kimberly Trumbull

In Which I Become a Cover Girl for GX Magazine: The Threat at Home

2012-05-30T14:00:00.000-04:00

Who and what are the biggest dangers to homeland security?

I'm not the model; I'm the writer!

Funny you should ask. I've addressed those questions in the current issue of The Guard Experience, otherwise known as GX magazine.

The lead-in goes like this:

The mission to prevent terrorism on U.S. soil starts with al-Qaeda but it doesn't end there. Homegrown terrorists, hostile nations and lone radicals present perils, too.

Ask homeland security experts about the dangers, and you'll get a range of answers. But one thing is clear: The hunt can never stop.

The current issue is online now. Get it while it's hot.

Old Mossback's "The Bum Duck Chronicles:" The Story Continues

2012-05-30T04:00:00.000-04:00

When last we saw the Old Mossback, he had just completed his lunch on the company dime at the T.G.I.F. Now, he continues the tale. Take it away, Mossy...

After we returned to the home office, Mr. Big and I exchanged a few more pleasantries, and I departed to check into the motel room my employer had thoughtfully provided. It was the same motel featured on the T.V. show COPS only a week earlier. The task ahead of me was daunting, and after checking in with the front desk and receiving a room key (with a tire attached to it, so I wouldn’t “accidentally” forget to return it when I checked out), I opened up my trusty laptop, opened the “Personnel” folder, then made a beeline for personnel listed under code "D." These were the people I knew from previous overseas contracts who, over the years, had been sent home early for various reasons. Some of the people sent home had gotten a very raw deal, but the bottom line was that they would probably be available, and at a discount price.

I needed geeks, car hobbyists,and jacks-of-all-trades. People don’t normally list those talents on a resume, but the Bum Duck contract was a “come as you are” party, and I wanted to be ready for whatever may be waiting to bite me when I got there.

The next morning, bright and early, I wound up the spring of my company provided rent-a-car and drove back to the airport. I retrieved my deposit, mentally comparing it to a pint of my own blood, and proceeded through check-in and screening, and then on to my departure gate.

The flight back to Florida went well, with the possible exception of witnessing the lady seated next to me changing her baby’s diaper after placing him on her serving tray while I was trying to eat. One of many downsides of flying cattle class these days.

Upon my return home, the family was informed that once again, Dad would be leaving for a contract that was far away. Daughter was initially quite upset, but cheered up when she realized that since Daddy was employed again, the funds would now be available for that cosmetic procedure she always wanted.

Despite more red flags than you’d see in front of the Kremlin on May Day, I was hopeful and optimistic that I had a good chance of making this contract a success.

(To be continued)

On Memorial Day: A New Tradition is Launched

2012-05-29T13:08:00.000-04:00

On Memorial Day, The Gang of Reprobates convened to pay our respects to those who lost their lives in service to our country. First, we visited a war memorial. Then we proceeded to our favorite waterfront hangout for a brief respite from the overwhelming heat. Finally, we conducted our own ceremony atop the footbridge spanning the Occoquan River in Occoquan, Virginia.

We each wrote messages to our war dead on a trio of oversized fire lanterns. Then, while Lisa and I sang Amazing Grace, Courtney and Olga unfurled and fanned out each lantern. Chad and Nick set the bases afire. As each lantern filled with hot air, we launched it over the river and into the blue beyond. It was really lovely. Thank you, Nick and Courtney, for thinking of this. We're going to do it every year.

Preparing the lantern

I hope the video works...

After the jump:

Old Mossback's Security Contract Confessional: The Bum Duck Chronicles, Episode One

2012-05-29T03:00:00.000-04:00

Our Man in Africa

I have another dispatch from The Old Mossback! Make that, a series of dispatches. Our Man in Africa has sent a ~~cautionary~~ elucidational tale on the working of an overseas security contract. 'Tis both entertaining and insightful. Herewith, Episode One of The Bum Duck Chronicles. Take it away, Mossy...

Dear Susan,

We can all remember when we were in the military and heard the line, "Well, we know you can take orders, but can you give them?" After you’ve worked several years doing spear-carrier contracts overseas, sooner or later the phone will ring and you’ll be offered a contract with a different title, such as Team Leader, Site Manager, or Senior Security Officer. The titles may be different, but it boils down to a recruiter saying, “We think you’ll make a good boss for the site we just got a contract for.” While you’re listening to the pitch over the phone, your mind is telling you, “Of course you can do a better job than that last jerk you worked for,” and you decide to accept the offer. Since I presently hold a title, and since I am presently working at a site, and since I hope to remain employed in the future, I will continue the story in a hypothetical and fictional format.

A few months ago, while I was between contracts (a contractor is never “unemployed,” merely “between contracts”) I was back in my cottage in Florida, idly tossing darts at the picture of Captain Holly Graf I stuck to my dart board. The phone rang and my (previous) employer called and (long story short) told me if I could deploy soon, I could have a leadership position at the new contract located in Bum Duck. If I did take the job, they would send me an e-ticket for a flight to the home office the following day for the in-country briefing. On the one hand, I was flattered that I was offered the job; but on the other, I was thinking, “There must be a reason nobody else has taken this one.” Still, it was a job, and I was getting bored.

After I arrived at the airport where the home office was located (flying on a cattle-class ticket gave me my first red flag), I went to the rental car booth at the airport. I filled out the required forms and left the required deposit, then picked up the car my employer had reserved for my use. It only took me five minutes to wind up the main spring, and then I was on the road, en route to my employer’s.

A short while later, there was the old office. I was greeted warmly and the briefing started, right after the obligatory small talk. It seemed my employer had low-balled an existing contract, we were due to take over in three weeks, and - based on my previous performance - the suits had decided that I was the man for the job.

That was my next red flag. If security companies are low-balling bids to the DOD and DOS, the fat days of big budgets for contracts were over. A tight budget meant we would be in a hurt trying to fulfill all the obligations written into the contract. Bottom line, the contract called for 30 pairs of boots on the sand and a small staff. After we hashed out some of the details, I filled out the few pages of paperwork necessary to process my visa for Bum Duck.

After I completed the paperwork exercise, I was called into the office of Mr. Big. He told me that the company had been very pleased with my previous work and now had high expectations that I would be very successful at the new site in Bum Duck. In hindsight, that should have been another red flag, and I should have bolted from the chair and made a run for it. After I left MB’s office, I went directly to the HR manager and asked him how many people he had ready to go. He hesitated and hemmed and hawed and  finally stated he was counting on me to recruit the boots on the ground from the existing personnel who had hired on with the previous contractor. Another red flag! When you’re sent to an existing contract site, the only safe assumption you can make is the retention rate of the people currently at that site will be “zero.”

Lunch time was approaching, and MB offered to take me out on his dime (which really meant on the company’s dime) to the nearby T.G.I.F. Afterwards, as he paid the tab, I realized that I had entered into a new contract with multiple red flags flying, and all I had to show for it so far was a cheese melt, salad bar and a sweetened iced tea.

(To be continued)

                                                                     Old Mossback

On Memorial Day: Remembering Those Who Gave Their Lives for Our Beautiful Country

2012-05-28T00:30:00.000-04:00

It's a beautiful country, and worth fighting for. Just ask those who died for her. Thank them in your prayers, and remember them always.

H/T Tricia Canterbury for finding the pic.

Old Mossback Reveals More From "The Real World" of Private Contracting

2012-05-27T00:30:00.000-04:00

Our Man in Africa, AKA the Old Mossback, sent me a vid and some real-world insider chat common to contractors. It is most enlightening. First, watch The Mercenary Song. Then cut to the commentary. It's the straight skinny... ummm, the skinned cat.... or, something....

Dear Susan,

Now that you've seen and heard this video, here is what you will hear in the real world of private contractors.

1) “What do you mean by asking if it’s okay if I buy the airline ticket to Bum Duck and the company will reimburse me later?”

2) “Hey guys, there is no cable in the villa, how will we be able to know what the Kardashians are up to?”

3) “Well, at least the issued rifle isn’t a flintlock.”

4) “Highly trained guard dog? What pound did you bail this mutt out of?”

5) “We don’t need to put up with this crap, they’re hiring back at Wal-Mart!”

6) “Pssst, MB – there’s a MAC flight inbound tonight, let’s you and I get our passports and DD Form 2 (retired) cards and hop that flight out of this rat hole.”

-- Old Mossback

Did Obama and the Pentagon Really Confuse Memorial Day and Veterans Day?

2012-05-26T11:42:00.000-04:00

This just in from Pentagon. Really. From Pentagon.

Obama: Remember Veterans Past, Present on Memorial Day

Excuse me while I step outside to scream on the deck for a minute.

Okay. I'm back.

Dear President Obama and Pentagon: I remain available for hire as a consultant. I am a woman-owned, veteran-owned entity, and you will accumulate Federal brownie points for hiring me. I write, edit, advise, and can spot an error at 50 yards. And I can save you from additional literary self-humiliation.

Which Came First? The Chickens or the.... Terrorizing? A New "Coexist"

2012-05-26T00:30:00.001-04:00

In the spirit of bowing and capitulating to hostile foreign powers -- make that, in the spirit of making fun of such scalliwaggery -- our own Minicapt sends an artistic dispatch. My only response is.... yes, indeed. This captures it quite nicely.

Another Day, Another Presidential "No, He Didn't" Bow to Foreign Powers

2012-05-25T14:37:00.001-04:00

And now, he did not bow to China. He just capitulated. Again. When is the election?

Milspotters' Challenge, Solved: Anatomy Of a Search and Rescue Training Op

2012-05-24T00:30:00.000-04:00

While Bill and Nick are analyzing whether the star of the previous Challenge is properly using her rescue mirror, I thought I'd clarify the answer. The mystery photo depicts Air Force personnel during a training exercise for Combat Search and Rescue. Our active duty models are Capt. Yuriza Castillo-Aguirre and Staff Sgt. Kyle Bone, who are assigned to the 960th Airborne Air Control Squadron. Staff Sgt. Eric Harris caught them in action last week at the Air Force Weapons School near Nellis Air Force Base, Nevada. Herewith the play by play.

Aircrew down! Aircrew down! First step: Move to a concealed location.

The Warthog swoops in for the search.

Here we are! Over here!

You found us! Hey, did you bring any snacks...?

Milspotters' Challenge: Ordering Pizza From Aerial Delivery Crew?

2012-05-23T13:43:00.000-04:00

Any thoughts, Dear Ones?

Air Force photo by Staff Sergeant Eric Harris.

Why I Love the People at Semper Fi Fund: A Truck for Sergeant Peck, Wounded in Afghanistan

2012-05-22T13:13:00.000-04:00

I love the people at the Semper Fi Fund. Here's why.

On Christmas Eve 2010, our small band of Reprobates descended upon Walter Reed to deliver laptops to wounded warriors. There, we encountered a young Marine named John Peck, who lost a portion of all four limbs to an IED in Afghanistan. All of us - Courtney, Chad, Concrete Bob, and myself - were deeply moved by this young man. As the months progressed, we occasionally ran into Peck. Each time we saw him, he had a slightly bigger smile on his face, and a slightly brighter twinkle to his eye. Not long ago, Courtney encountered him at Bethesda, and said he seemed full of spunk.

And now... just look at him. Thanks to the wonderful folks at the Semper Fi Fund, Sergeant John Peck now is back behind the wheel of his own vehicle. And what a ride it is. Click on over to Semper Fi's place, and check out the gorgeous red pick-em-up truck they tricked out and gave to Sergeant Peck. Totally oorah of them. Totally. H/T to my amazing friend, Semper Fi-an Carrie Costantini, for sending me the update!

Update: Read more about this, and see some very cool pics, at the VA Mortgage Center's YouServed!

North Carolina Teacher Tells Student He Could Be Arrested for Talking Smack About Obama

2012-05-21T10:32:00.000-04:00

No, really. She did. It's okay to dis President Bush, though, because "he was a $hitty president." A student recorded the exchange, and posted a vid. It starts with a few minutes of kids giggling and muffled voices, but soon someone asks about Obama being a school bully. The convo takes off. Within seconds, the teacher shrieks at her charges to STOP! STOP! It goes downhill from there. At one point, the teacher says you can go to jail for speaking ill of Obama. How much do you want to bet the teacher goes unchallenged by the school district, but the student gets in trouble for bringing a cell phone to class.

Richmond, VA Does it Right: Thank You for Welcoming Home Our Veterans

2012-05-20T14:10:00.000-04:00

And thank you, Concrete Bob, for your yeoman's work on this most worthy event. Welcome home, vets! Thank you all for your service to our country!

Old Mossback's Lessons Learned From The Train Wreck of All Security Contracts: "No One Cares How Many Snakes You Ate at Ft. Bragg"

2012-05-20T00:30:00.000-04:00

Official Contract Patch

Our Man at the Equator, AKA the Old Mossback, continues his tutorial on how to be an overseas security contractor. Take it away, Mossy...

The Train Wreck of All Security Contracts

All of us in the overseas security contract game tell stories of contracts, managers, and that #&^%amp;?*&! office back in the states, usually while watching Mall Cops on the cable TV (when it is working). I submit that the DynCorp Qatar contract (I was there in 1998) was the Perfect Storm when it comes to fouled up contracts and management.

As with all good stories, I came away with a series of Lessons Learned that I live by to this very day:

1. If offered a flat salary contract, do not sign that contract unless:

a) You don’t plan on having a life other than work;

b) The salary is so good that you won’t mind not having a life other than work;

c) Since you don’t have a life other than work, you don’t care how many additional hours per day / week / month / year you work, BUT

d) There is a cap – in writing – of the number of hours you are expected to work.

2. Before, during, and after you sign that contract:

a) Have a lawyer on retainer who has a copy of your contract on file when you are overseas, because

b) If it is not in writing, you’ll discover (shortly after you get overseas) that whatever the company rep said during the offering phase was never said, and whatever the company rep promised during the offering phase will turn out to be a “misunderstanding” on your part.

c) See point 1 for clarification.

3. Leave the beret at home.

a) No one cares how many snakes you ate at Fort Bragg, or how bada$$ an NCO you were. When you go to a site under a private contract, you are a rookie again.

b) Look, listen, and learn, and you will do fine.

4. Go home before you are told to go home.

a) This is my strongest recommendation. A person under contract who actually likes this sort of work and wants to continue working overseas should go home after his or her contract has been completed. If they haven’t offered you a contract extension by one month before your contract ending date, they’re not suddenly going to be impressed with your work ethic and ask you to extend. I keep seeing people overstay and have to pay their own way back.

b) Network, network, and network some more to stay employed. Jumping your contract is a bad idea (unless conditions are truly intolerable), but unless you plan to take a few months off to recover from your present contract, you should have a job lined up you can roll into.

c) There are times you will have to know when to suck up.

d) Do not make an enemy unless you have no other choice. This world of overseas security contracting is a very small one and your paths will cross again.

I’ve been following my own advice since 1995 and I must be doing it right, because I’m still in the game – right now, I’m here in Malabo.

-- Old Mossback

P.S. Carrying a picture of Susan wearing her Huey helmet in your wallet and asking a company recruiter if he would like to meet her is a great ice breaker.

Minicapt Has Another Non-Birthday! Time For an Equine Themed Milspotters' Challenge

2012-05-19T00:30:00.000-04:00

Well, gracious me! It's already Minicapt's honorary non-birthday again! Time for another Challenge in his name! As per last year, your only hint is that this post is dedicated to the non-birthday boy. But you know what to do... after you're done admiring the picture, of course.

Horse cavalry in Vienam? Nah.... the foliage is all wrong.

Concrete Bob Wants YOU to Attend His Welcome Home Parade for Iraq/Afghanistan Vets!

2012-05-18T00:30:00.000-04:00

This just in from my BFF Concrete Bob:

I realize we still have troops downrange, and they are likely to stay awhile yet, but its time to do this thing. We tried a few years back, couldn't get anything going. Hard to get funding sometimes. But this time, with the help of the Welcome Home Foundation, the Richmond Times Dispatch, and hundreds of volunteers, the parade is going to happen and we are going to pawwwwtay.

What is Bob talking about? Why, a welcome home parade, of course! If you live within striking distance of Richmond, Virginia, be sure to put this event on your calendar for tomorrow. You know it will be a good show - Bob had a hand in planning it! More on the event here, at Bob's place.

Milspotters' Challenge: What Is This Huey Doing; Where; and When?

2012-05-17T10:05:00.000-04:00

My good buddy David Marron wants to know if my sharp eyed readers can solve this one. Hint: It might not entirely be what you think it is. Extra points if you can give the date this pic was taken.

It's Never Too Late to Give Honor Where Due: Sp4 Leslie Sabo to Receive MOH From Vietnam

2012-05-16T09:31:00.001-04:00

Leslie Sabo in Vietnam

If only he were here to feel the ribbon being placed around his neck. Specialst 4th Class Sabo lost his life during the action on 10 May, 1970, in Cambodia.

God bless you, Specialist Sabo. Your spirit will doubtless be there today at the White House ceremony.

From the Army's write-up:

"Members of B. Co. were ambushed by a large enemy force. While conducting a reconnaissance patrol, 22-year-old Sabo, charged an enemy position, killing several enemy soldiers. Immediately thereafter, he assaulted an enemy flanking force, successfully drawing their fire away from friendly soldiers and ultimately forcing the enemy to retreat.

"When a grenade landed nearby a wounded comrade, Sabo picked up the grenade threw it away while shielding his buddy with his own body, thus absorbing the brunt of the blast and saving the man's life."

The rest of the story, and more pics, are here.