Ellis, a magazine editor with no prior acting experience inadvertently launched her new career when she entered her husband’s office while he was on a conference call.

“I had no idea he was in a meeting!” Ellis said, giggling at her own good fortune. “He wasn’t talking or anything!”

Oh, but he was indeed conversing with coworkers when Ellis, unable to contain herself at the sight of her husband professionally attired from the waist up but wearing sexy ripped shorts “with a sliver of cute tooshie showing,” walked in, flashed him her boobs, and pulled her shirt down over his head.

It was only when she heard him mumble into her breasts, “The camera’s on,” did she realize she had an audience.

Not one to be fazed, Ellis freed her husband’s head and flashed the camera a second time.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said John Barker, senior partner at Brookes & Hodges Attorneys at Law and Ellis’s husband’s boss. “She’s a natural!”

“Best meeting I’ve ever attended,” said Charles Hodges, the firm’s chief cheese. “Pre-pandemic, post-pandemic, I’ve never been to anything more productive! One minute we were all bitching about the Byers case and the next, boobs! I’m fast-tracking that young man as soon as somebody tells me his name!”

The meeting concluded with a standing ovation for Ellis’s breasts and her husband’s promotion to senior partner.

“They’re a great team,” Hodges gushed. “Byers’ ass may be going to the big house, but we’re backing those boobies like nobody’s business!”

At press time, Ellis’s video was soaring toward the fifty million view mark, and she was fielding offers from several well-known celebrities including Ryan Reynolds.

“He wants my boobs in a Mint Mobile commercial!” cried Ellis, applying lotion to her renowned rack. “I don’t know if they’ll get a speaking part but they so better get a SAG card.”

###

Local Woman Inadvertently Makes a Porno and Catches Ryan Reynolds’ Eye first appeared on Susan’s Funny Stuff. Check out Susan’s Funny Stuff and my work on Medium for more humor, rants, and satire. And if you’d like even more humor, check out my fish out of water tales of life on a farm!

#fakenews #ryanreynolds

The post Local Woman Makes a Porno appeared first on Susan McCorkindale.

Now he can see the moon.

Let that sink in.

The folks at Better Help talk about the impact that perception of adversity has on reactions to it, saying, “Some people view adversity and obstacles as indicators that they can’t make it in life or that life is stacked against them; on the other hand, certain individuals perceive adversity as an opportunity to grow, become stronger, and rise to higher heights.”

And still, others, while growing, becoming stronger, and rising to higher heights, find something to be grateful for in the midst of the difficulty that’s befallen them. Gratitude makes the unbearable less so. It gives us a place of peace from which to regroup. In short: Gratitude is the secret sauce of resilience.

# # #

BOUNCE: A Memoir of Resilience is available on Amazon.

For more about gratitude and the importance of building resilience, check out my new book, BOUNCE: A Memoir of Resilience, on Amazon. You can read the first few chapters free right here.

Editorial and Reader Reviews

“Brimming with heart and humor, this emotional journey encourages readers to embrace life.” ―Kirkus Reviews (Read the entire review.)

“I read it in one day, and I’m not an avid reader. This is a story that is at times heartbreaking, at times heroic, and throughout, laced with humor that keeps one smiling. I couldn’t put it down. This true story will leave you cheering for the author and believing in hope and resilience.” ― 5-Star Amazon Reader Review

“What a gift McCorkindale has given us. This well-written book inspires and offers the tools readers need to get through life’s surprises. An emotional, funny, real, heartfelt, easy-to-read book that seems like a conversation with a friend. Highly recommend.” ― 5-Star Amazon Reader Review

Read all the 5-Star Amazon Reader Reviews here.

The post Gratitude is the Secret Sauce of Resilience appeared first on Susan McCorkindale.

Because of you, BOUNCE reached #250 in the memoir category!

I can’t thank you enough for participating in the Amazon buying day on November 30th for BOUNCE: A Memoir of Resilience.

In the very early morning that day, I checked the book’s ranking. It was at 680 in Women’s Biographies and I thought, “If it can just break into the Top 500, I’ll be thrilled.”

Because of your support, I got to be more than thrilled as the book reached 211 sometime in the afternoon. I almost fell down! That kind of movement is enough to get the Amazon bots noticing and suggesting BOUNCE to readers. For those who might be thinking my desire to reach more readers is about making money, let me be clear: there is NO money in publishing. Unless you’re John Grisham, of course. I am so very grateful for your support.

The power of BOUNCE

I want BOUNCE to reach people because resilience is something everyone can and should build. It’s a muscle, much like our abdominal muscles, and when we exercise our resilience muscle every single day, it’s ready to go when we need it.

How do you exercise your resilience muscle every day? Do you have to put yourself in a terrible, life-changing situation in order to do so? Not at all. There are exercises you can do, a mindset you can develop, and a gratitude practice that’s key to the whole thing.

I share it all in BOUNCE and in my newsletter, Building Resilience.

BOUNCE: A Memoir of Resilience is available on Amazon.

Read the first few chapters free

For more about gratitude and the importance of building resilience, check out my new book, BOUNCE: A Memoir of Resilience, on Amazon. You can read the first few chapters free right here.

Editorial and reader Reviews

“Brimming with heart and humor, this emotional journey encourages readers to embrace life.” ―Kirkus Reviews (Read the entire review.)

“I read it in one day, and I’m not an avid reader. This is a story that is at times heartbreaking, at times heroic, and throughout, laced with humor that keeps one smiling. I couldn’t put it down. This true story will leave you cheering for the author and believing in hope and resilience.” ― 5-Star Amazon Reader Review

“Brilliant writing and a timely topic.” 5-Star Amazon Reader Review of BOUNCE: A Memoir of Resilience.

“What a gift McCorkindale has given us. This well-written book inspires and offers the tools readers need to get through life’s surprises. An emotional, funny, real, heartfelt, easy-to-read book that seems like a conversation with a friend. Highly recommend.” ― 5-Star Amazon Reader Review

Read all the 5-Star Amazon Reader Reviews here.

The post A Note of Thanks appeared first on Susan McCorkindale.

My new book, BOUNCE: A Memoir of Resilience, makes a great gift for someone you care about. It’s available in paperback and for Kindle on Amazon. If you’re a Kindle Unlimited member, you can get it for free or for points or something like that. I’m not too sure how all that works. But if you prefer an honest-to-goodness book in your hands as I do, the paperback is just $8.99. And of course, a paperback is easier to wrap…and bring to a beloved teacher, coach, neighbor, or friend.

You get my drift.

Some background about this great gift called BOUNCE

I finished writing BOUNCE a long while ago, then searched high and low for a publisher. As one didn’t materialize, I finally decided to publish it myself. I’ve never done that before and there’s not a lot of assistance for newbies learning the ropes, so there are a few things you might notice are missing from the book. The story is all there. No worries! But little things needed finessing and, once you’ve clicked a few buttons on Amazon there’s no going back and finessing anything! Who knew? Not me. So what elements needed finessing?

The dedication. 

Mom, BOUNCE is for you. You are the most resilient person I’ve ever met and because of you, I’m a pretty strong woman, too. Thank you for setting the example, for teaching me the importance of gratitude, and for always being there for me. When the boys were born, when Stu was so very sick, when my heart hurt. When my first books came out, when I gave that TED talk (!), when Case got his license (!), when Cuy made the team (!), when I fell in love with Rob. You have always been there for me. No one has a better mom than I do. (Although Nick and Dan’s mom comes pretty close.)

The acknowledgements.

As you’ll see, there are none. Yep. Thought I’d get to add those but, no. So without further delay:

My deepest thanks to Laura Clark for being my “ground zero” reader and giving me seriously excellent advice and encouragement every step of the way. Thank you also to Charity Duncan who not only read the book again and again, but came up with an amazing alternative title when I was considering reworking the whole thing and was pulling my hair out. If you ever decide to stop teaching, Charity, you’d make an excellent editor. Thanks also to Jennifer Goldman and Trisha Clark for reading, advising, encouraging, and making suggestions. Some of which I actually took! Thanks also to my sons, Casey and Cuyler. Both your pictures should appear next to the word “resilience” in the dictionary. I’m incredibly proud of you two. And finally, thanks to my husband, Robert. For believing in me, supporting me, encouraging me, bringing me tissues (and wine) when I cried because “no one wants my baby!” I love you so very much, my bamboo rescuer. You make me laugh every single day. Thank God for you.

Thanks also to all of you reading this. Your notes and posts and emails mean the world to me. It’s been eleven years since 500 Acres and No Place to Hide came out, and you’re still here, cheering me on. I am one lucky girl.

Finally…. If you’d like a sneak preview of this great gift 

Because really, who doesn’t love a sneak preview?! click here. And then, when the preview pops up, click the back arrow a few times to get to the actual start of the book. I have no idea why it doesn’t load correctly but it doesn’t. From there you can read the Prologue and the first two chapters. FREE!

You’re invited

If you have a moment, I invite you to check out my other books, Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl, 500 Acres a No Place to Hide, More Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl, and Make Peace with Your Grief and Watch Where it Leads You (based on my TEDx Talk of the same name). All three make great gifts, too!

The post Makes a great gift appeared first on Susan McCorkindale.

Susan’s Funny Stuff is the place to find all my new work. Humorous essays, satire, and the occasional rant. The kind of stuff you’d find in a book, but better.

Because how often can you add to a book? You can’t.

How often will you find new funny stuff on Susan’s Funny Stuff?

Twice a week I add a new piece to Susan’s Funny Stuff. Each one is short, which means they’re a quick read and a quick pick-me-up.

And who couldn’t use a quick pick-me-up?

You know you want to subscribe…

I hope you’ll subscribe and invite a friend to do so, too. We could all use a little more laughter, and Susan’s Funny Stuff is the place to get it!

Two other funny things I’ve written. I hope you’ll check them out!

Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl is my first book. I’s packed with Susan’s Funny Stuff stuff!

500 Acres and No Place to Hide is my second book. It came out in 2011, a few months after my husband’s death. Although it was a sad time in my life, the book still contains a lot of Susan’s Funny Stuff type stuff.

Some notes about writing humor and humorous essays:

People ask me all the time if there are tricks to writing humor and humorous essays. Here’s what I tell them.

• Read funny stuff by funny people: Dave Barry. Nora Ephron. Danny Pellegrino. Jessi Klein. Go on Amazon and search for “funny essays.” Buy what appeals to you and read, read, read. Then read it again and take notes, notes, notes.
• Humor is about keeping it short and funny. If you can say something in ten words, try saying it in 5, then in 3.
• Watch comedy shows and comedians. Listen for the “set up” and the “comeback.” Feel the timing. Humor is quick and clear. If it’s not clear, you’ll lose the audience and the reader.
• If you get the chance to learn advertising copywriting, take it. If not, read print ads. They can help teach you brevity and some are just so clever.

The post Susan’s Funny Stuff: All My Funny Stuff in One Place appeared first on Susan McCorkindale.

In any case…

The last time I posted a few of my favorite quotes, I got notes from you. Since I love getting notes from you and would like to get more (I’m greedy like that), some of my other favorite quotes are included below.

You can quote me on this…

Quotes play a large part in my writing. I use them to set the tone in the individual sections in my books and in chapters as well. I used several in Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl and in 500 Acres and No Place to Hide, too. (This one comes to mind: “There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.”) And I used many in BOUNCE: A Memoir of Resilience.* In fact, I got the idea to call it BOUNCE because of this quote:

Life isn’t about how fast you run or how high you climb, but how well you bounce. 

The quotes included here used to hang all over the wall in my office when I lived in a cute little apartment in Warrenton, Virginia. I probably had 200 quotes that I stared at while working every day. I found many of them inspiring, others I found hysterical. (“I can’t think straight in flats!” and “Don’t be a whiny little shit.”) If you’ve got a quote or three that you like, I hope you’ll share it/them with me. I also hope you’ll tell me if you like any of these or any of the ones I share in “The Quote Collection, Part One.” You can leave a comment on this post, or drop me a note at susanmccorkindale@gmail.com.

*This link allows you to read the Prologue and first two chapters for free. Yay! Free stuff!

This quote is in The Quote Collection Part Two because it’s so very true. “Adversity causes some men to break, others to break records.” It’s all about resilience.

The post The Quote Collection Part Two appeared first on Susan McCorkindale.

At least I think he’s a him. I won’t be checking to find out for sure.

So you might be wondering, If it was slightly unsettling to have an iguana nearby, why do you want a selfie with one?

Excellent question.

It’s for work. Specifically for the issue when we announce the winners of our annual Cutest Pet Contest.

See, my co-worker, Pam, has the most beautiful Golden Retriever named Winston (Winston!) and along with her editor’s letter she’s thinking of including a photo of herself with Mr. Growing-by-the-Minute-Golden-and-Gorgeous. Sadly, and immaturely, I am professionally jealous.

I do not have a pet.

I am, in a phrase, pet deprived.

But there is Mr. Iguana and if I could get him to sit for a selfie, I could use the photo in my editor’s letter. I doubt our art director will be pleased though. Art directors do not like selfies. They like perfectly lit, professionally taken photos of pleasing subjects. Mr. Iguana is not exactly pleasing to look at. In fact, he’s kind of freaky. But he’s out there, right now, on the rocks!

I can see him! Gotta go, folks. I must fulfill my quest! I must get a selfie with Edgar the Iguana. (Yes, I just named him.)

Stay put, Edgar. Suzy’s coming!

But shit. I haven’t showered.

Well, neither has he.

God, this is gonna be ugly.

If you’d like to read more of my humorous (at least I hope they’re humorous!) pieces, check out Susan’s Funny Stuff on Substack. Thanks!

The post Can you make an iguana sit for a selfie? appeared first on Susan McCorkindale.

The post The Quote Collection, Part One appeared first on Susan McCorkindale.

What is this Building Resilience newsletter all about and why is that ivy growing through that yellow and purple wall? Shouldn’t someone call a landscaper?

What the hell is resilience anyway? And what’s it got to do with a plant?

Is this newsletter going to be fun? It better be fun. And funny. If I get one more boring email crowding my inbox I’m going to—Isn’t anyone going to do anything about that ivy?

Relax.

The ivy is cool. You can cut it back and it bounces back. You can rip out the root, and it still manages to return, thicker, fuller, greener than before. Go ahead. Call a landscaper. The ivy will have the last laugh. Why? Because ivy is one of Mother Nature’s most resilient creations. Ever heard this expression?

Fall down seven times, get up eight

Well, that’s ivy.

And it’s going to be you when you hang out with me.

Together, we’re going to build resilience.

Remember the 97-pound weakling ads for Charles Atlas? The ones that promised to develop muscles on the skinniest of souls? To turn a string bean into a beast?

We’re not doing that.

We’re going to build your resilience muscle.

Unlike other muscles, the resilience muscle will never get soft and flabby (like the bat wings that have usurped the spot where my triceps used to be). Why? Because once we learn how to bounce back – and yes, bounce forward – from life’s trials, we become like ivy. What we’ve learned stays stored in our brain, where we can call upon it anytime we need to.

Now maybe you’re wondering:

So what do I get if I subscribe, and what’s it going to cost me?

The short answer is a lot, and nothing.

Once a week, on Saturday, you get the latest edition of the Building Resilience newsletter delivered directly into your inbox. It will always be humorous, compelling, and filled with tips you can put into practice pronto. This is sort of my Satisfaction Guarantee. And if you’re not satisfied, you can always unsubscribe. I promise to still love you.

But wait, there’s more!

At some point, soon-ish, I plan to publish my new book, Bounce: A Memoir of Resilience, as part of the Building Resilience newsletter. You know you don’t want to miss that.

I hope you’ll join me on this journey toward resilience.

It won’t be the same without you! To subscribe, click here.

Love,

Susan

The post BEHOLD, THE RESILIENT IVY! (The state plant of my new Building Resilience newsletter!) appeared first on Susan McCorkindale.

I think my younger son, Cuyler, is trying to kill me. We walked to the beach (several thousand steps, go me), where he worked out doing handstands and bear crawls.

(Click the link below and it will download to your computer. Then you can see my young man in action!)

IMG-6657

while I laid in the sun.

Then we walked back from the beach (several thousand more steps, go me!). At that point I’m dead and hungry. And sure, he’s hungry, he’s always hungry, but he’s eager, far too eager after that walk and his beach workout, to go to a Pilates class. Because Rob and Casey need the car, and because the studio is close by, we walk to Pilates.

We take the class. We walk back. I’m dead, just dead. And he’s PERFECTLY FINE.

Our post Pilates selfie. Proof that he’s fine and I’m thisclose to a decent Christian burial. Or an indecent one. I’m too tired to care.

It’s that damn youth, I tell ya.

Casey and Rob went for massages. Then Rob drove him around to see lots of our favorite spots. Rob and Casey both report that it was “awesome,” even the massage. Even the massage?

How’d Rob get the massage and I got alllllll the damn exercise?

When do they go home?

And will I be alive to see them off?

Only if I survive whatever Cuy has planned for me today.

Send wine.

The post I’m thisclose to a decent Christian burial. appeared first on Susan McCorkindale.