Here are 8 great ways to bond with your kids and create fun family traditions, and they don’t have to be huge!

1) Spectator Sports                                                  5) Be a Fan Club

2) Fishing Hole and Hunting Lodge                          6) Get  Outdoors

3) Creative Outlets                                                   7) Travel and Explore Cultures

4) Leisure Sports                                                      8) Unwind and Converse

Yes, I confess that I over project managed my kids.  I fell into it very easily with my little mini-me Megan.  She was so type A herself that dancing began at 4 and swimming and art lessons and piano and straight A’s and the diligence award accumulated quickly.  She marched right through it all beautifully.  I managed a very complex calendar of weekly events.  My second, Emily, did it all, too.  She thought all the activity was just what we do.

And so did I.  We were living in the van.  Snacks in the van, naps in the van, homework in the van.  We had a cooler, case of waters, chairs, sunscreen, bug spray, bandaids, and lots more.  We loaded the van with everything just short of a port-a-potty.  I do know someone who did that!  They took their little training potty and put it in the back of their van.

It all seemed fine until there were three.  Then I began to see the light, little number three was spending his entire infancy in the van.  Well not entirely, he got regular maulings from dozens of little girls when we went to watch all the activities.  Still it didn’t seem right.  It was hardly a developmental way of life for the little guy.

We stopped the merry-go-round or should I say slowed it down a bit at that point.  We didn’t totally get off but we began to limit what any one child could do at one time.  It’s a good thing because then we adopted two more.  One mom can only be at so many places at a time.  I still fight the impulse to let my kids do everything.  And I still fight the impulse to try to manage what they do.  Like insuring their homework is perfect and they’ve practice whatever it is they are supposed to be practicing.

I am a type A mom and I like to manage, but I am trying not to over do it.  If I don’t stop managing their life projects, how will they ever learn to mangage themselves?

Sex is a popular topic.  It gets 506,000,000 online searches a month.  God gets 55,600,000. President Obama gets 823,000.  The weather gets 185,000,000.  I offer these stats for a little comparison.  More people search for answers about sex than answers about religion, politics or the chance of rain.

Sex is a very popular topic.  It is also a topic that I think gets over analyzed to the point that we are confused and discontent in our contrast and comparison of what we should or shouldn’t be doing as partners.  I think that is a mistake on our part.  Married sex is the best but it is not always perfect.  Sometimes it’s worthy of an academy award but more often it’s quick after the kids go to bed but before we fall asleep from exhaustion.  Everyone has their own reality about sex.  Yours is not mine and that is fine because we are all really different.  So let me be real about our married sex, in the hopes that it will encourage you to be realistic about yours.  (click to tweet) I will begin with…

The First Night

Our honeymoon was our first night together.  Our wedding was huge and our reception was packed.  It was a blast but I never saw the food–ever.  We took off for our honeymoon destination at 11:30 pm.  It was an hour drive and he was hyper focused–not even talking.  I was starving.  Someone had thoughtfully given us a box of reception goodies to eat.  The box sat enticingly at my feet and I offered some to Mark, but he was totally uninterested.  Don’t ask me why I hesitated I have never been shy about food, but I was feeling a little uncertain about the intimacy ahead.  We arrived, changed and once more I asked if he was hungry.  He was hungry but not for food.  And so we proceeded and it was lovely.  But, I was still starving.  So hungry that I could not fall asleep.  In the dark I dropped to the floor and crawled around in search of the goody box.  Finding it, I quietly opened the box to discover every morsel tightly wrapped in heavy aluminum foil.  It made a racket and I sounded like a rat foraging for food.  Mark, mr. eagle ears, woke up and said, “Susan, where are you and what are you doing?”  I sheepishly confessed that I was hungry.  He asked in confusion, “You’re hungry?” Like how could you possibly be hungry after that?  How unromantic could I be?

At that point it should have been very clear to me–sex was more important to Mark than food. 

The First Year

Three months into our marriage I was pregnant.  It was a fairly easy pregnancy but the changes to my body were not always comfortable.  This definitely interfered with my “intended for pleasure” first year.  Sore body parts made me a little touchy about being touched.  Two weeks before our one year anniversary I delivered our first.  I was out of commission for the two remaining weeks of our first year and the first month of our second year of marriage.

The Baby Years

The ins and outs of pregnancies and nursing made making love a little inconsistent.  I didn’t always feel like having sex.  Mark, in comparison, was totally undeterred.  It didn’t matter to him what condition my body was in, he liked it.  For that I should have been thankful but at the time I wasn’t thinking that way.  The ups and downs began to take it’s toll on him and left him feeling that “we never had sex.”  I heard about this often.  In my mind, we had sex a lot but I had to prove it and make him feel good about it at the same time.  So for Christmas that year I gave him a promise in his stocking.  I filled it with five boxes of a dozen condoms (our form of birth control) and I promised that all 60 would be gone by the next Christmas.  It was a guarantee and the best gift of time and attention I could have given him–he loved it.  The condoms were gone by October and he was a happy man.  At that time with babies and pregnancies and nursing and sleepless nights, once or twice a week was a win for us.

At that point in our marriage I learned that Mark’s love language was physical touch.  The Christmas stocking taught me that it comforted him just knowing  that he was getting quantity time and attention in numbers.

The Years With Ears

Then we entered the years when the ears were listening in our old house with back to back bedrooms and wood floors that creek and echo every sound–five pairs of ears in the night, listening. We would wait for an hour after our five kids were all in bed.  We would lock the door.  We would put a pillow at the base of the door because there was a two inch gap at the bottom and then I would threaten my husband to shush!  Half the time my ears would be straining for a sound beyond the door even as we made love.  Sex was better in these years though, simply because my body had stopped morphing with pregnancies every other year.  And because I usually went to sleep in our bed and woke up in our bed, versus falling asleep in a in a rocking chair with a baby in my arms or curled up on twin bed with a little one who had a bad dream.

The Years Ever After

We still have teens at home but no ears.  Teens sleep so much more and when asleep they don’t even hear the alarm clock two feet from their face let alone us.  Years of knowing each other intimately has brought an ease and harmony to our sex.  It is good and I love Mark.  He still out paces me in desire but we have found our way to contentment.  And I think that is the point I want to make about married sex–you have to find your way.  Intimacy in your marriage may not look like sex as advised by a magazine or portrayed in a movie.  A compromise of giving to each other that meets your mutual needs must be decided upon by the two of you.  And remember there are seasons in life when more loving is possible.  Your physical relationship may have ups and downs throughout the years but it will get better because married sex is like many things in life that just get better and better with a little time and attention.

What about your married sex? Is it zapped from sleepless nights with babies? Or on the upswing because….?

1. Protect Yourself. Practice time management and cushion your time. 

2. Be Realistic. It’s OK to let some things go.

3. Be Flexible. Ride the roller coaster, this will help you find joy in every day. 

Chapter 1 Study Guide Questions

Chapter 2 Study Guide Questions

Chapter 3 Study Guide Questions

Chapter 4 Study Guide Questions

Interlude: Building the Wall

Chapter 5 Study Guide Questions

Chapter 6 Study Guide Questions

Chapter 7 Study Guide Questions

Chapter 8 Study Guide Questions

Interlude: Opening the Gates

Chapter 9 Study Guide Questions

Chapter 10 Study Guide Questions

Grand Prize Winner: Shonda Knowlton 
Prize Pack Winners: Pam Crosby, Angela Stroup, Hollyanne, & Mary Tienhaara

Please contact Libby@FamilyFirst.net with your shipping information and she can send you your prizes!

Just because….

A Mom is everything to a child.  You nurture, you listen, you work, you play, you coach, you shop, you cook, you pray, you teach, you serve, you love…forever! (click to tweet)

I know you do more.  Tell me what else you do as a mom in the comments below to enter to win.  

I will pick 5 winners.  1 Grand Prize and 4 Special Prizes.

The amazing necklace below, The Passionate Mom book and a Passionate Mom tee.

There are some very cool stories behind this necklace.  My friend donating the necklace, Sydney, said a soldier in Afghanistan had one sent to his wife for Valentines with the coordinate of their favorite beach that they like to go to.  Doesn’t that just scream hope–I will be home and we will go to the beach?  A mom ordered one with the coordinates of St. Petersburg, Russia where she adopted her daughter.  This would be a great option for me because I adopted at the age of 42 and my skin was already too saggy to try to be like Angelina Jolie with tattoos of all the coordinates of my children!  This last one is so romantic. A young grad student ordered a necklace for his fiancé with the coordinates of the university where they met and he proposed.

I am thinking of a ton of necklace gifts for me and my girls–their favorite place, birth place, where they graduated from, their favorite vacation destination, etc. The retail price  is $115 (at www.sydneybuchanan.com and they are having a 10% off the whole site for Mother’s Day).  Sydney will engrave it with the place or a name on the gold side.  On the silver side she will find and engrave the coordinates, latitude and longitude of that meaningful place. It can be worn either way on the gold or silver side and you can order a gold or silver chain.  It retails for $115.

The Passionate Mom book, the Passionate Mom tee, a Passionate Mom necklace and either a Be The Mom book or Waiting in Wonder book!

Comment below to enter–just tell me what you do as an awesome, passionate mom!

Shipping is FREE!

I believe that visionary moms are guided by core values and a sense of purpose beyond just worldly success. Their deeply held core ideology gives their families a strong sense of identity and a thread of continuity that holds them together in the face of change and even trials and tribulations. If a mom wants to drive for progress in her parenting, she needs to know her purpose and how to hit that clearly defined target that she is shooting for. (click to tweet) What is it that you want? What is your goal? Define it and you will have your purpose for parenting. (click to tweet)

 To help us find our purpose, we need to answer these 3 questions:

1. What are your core beliefs?
2. What is your goal for your children?
3. What is your purpose as a mother, and how will you work it to reach your goal?

Every mom will answer these questions differently. And that is what makes life so exciting. We are all unique, with unique perspectives, unique children, and unique opportunities.

My core values and goal, are only examples for you. This is how I answered:

      1. What are your core beliefs?  My core belief is a belief in God. I believe that his Son, Jesus Christ, died for the forgiveness of my sins and my salvation.

      2. What is your goal for your children?  My goal is for my children to have a faith of their own when they are ready to leave home.

      3. What is your purpose as a mother, and how will you work it to reach your goal?  I will train my children so that they grow in wisdom, stature, and favor with God and man. Because God is central in my core beliefs, I determined that my goal—what I wanted for my children—was for each to have a faith strong enough so that once they left me, God would still be able to direct them long after they had grown.

To accomplish my purpose, I determined that I would focus on the four benchmarks that are mentioned with respect to Christ’s growing-up years in Luke 2:52: “Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.” Because my core beliefs are centered in Christ, I figured that if these were the ways Jesus grew, then they would be the best ways for my children to grow.

Passion + Purpose = A Plan

These three bricks from The Passionate Mom—passion, purpose, and planning—have a special relationship that can make or break a wall. And, of course, it all starts with passion. Without passion you won’t have the drive to develop a purpose, and if you don’t ever find a purpose, you surely won’t see the need to have a plan.(click to tweet)

It is not easy to find those summer jobs.  My kids have had lots of different jobs including babysitting, coaching swimming, JCrew sales associate, Publix bag boy, Chick fil A counter server, Kanakuk Camp Counselor, appliance delivery boy and construction worker.  My oldest also had two different summer internships, one with Chick Fil A Corporate and one with NBC.

Whether your child finds a job or not this summer, the process itself is a lesson worth learning.  It will teach your child to value a job if they get one, how to apply, how to confidently approach a manager, and what to expect in an interview.  Here are 10 tips for helping your child find a summer job! (click to tweet)

1. Start early because everyone else will be looking for a summer job, too.
2. Use your contacts.  Knowing someone will greatly increase your child’s chances.
3. Know that many large corporations such as JCrew require employees to be 18 or older.  But when your child is old enough these jobs can have a benefit.  Merchandisers often employ “seasonal” associates on holiday breaks when they return home from college.   This has been very convenient for my daughter who always has an opportunity to earn money.
4. Most fast food or grocery stores will employ starting at the age of 15.
5. Babysitting and dogs sitting jobs are found by word of mouth or flyer.  Ask around the neighborhood or at church.  One of my children did a flyer and went door to door.
6. Before you take up babysitting take a babysitting course.  Many local hospitals offer them for a small fee and it is a boost to your child’s resume to be able to say that they have taken the course.
7. Most large companies have online applications but don’t expect a response once you submit.  Coach your child to follow up in person by stopping by and asking for the manager.
8. It is often easier to get a job with small local stores that many kids overlook like the local ice cream shop or a boutique.
9. If your child is an athlete look for day camps that might need an activity coach in the sport your child excels in.
10. Lastly, ask the businesses that you do business with if they need any help.  You may find a job for your child that you would have never thought of.