As much as I’ve worked hard to get to place where I believe my imperfections don’t equal inadequacies, there are still those times when I so desperately want to appear perfect and I choose to save face.

Saving face is saying one thing while feeling something entirely different. Rather that allowing someone to see you, the wall goes up. The wall is a response or a behaviour that guards your truth. The wall makes damn sure that who you really are is not put on for display and presents something that’s not at all real. It’s showtime.

Saving face runs rampant in our society. We want to be cool. Being cool is well, not cool. While trying desperately to appear cool, we’re missing out on being ourselves and having pure, inspiring, passionate connections with other human beings. Saving face is preventing us  from being who we really are which sucks since that’s why we’re here having this human experience in the first place.

Oh, and it’s quite a show that we put on. We feel crushed, or jealous, or sorry for ourselves, or just plain angry. Inside we’re feeling something born out fear. With some version of fear swirling inside of us, we then say to our co-worker, our friend, our mother, our lover, “Me? I’m good. I’m totally fine…really.” All the while are so not fine. We want to say something else, but we don’t because our pain is not a good look.  We don’t want to openly admit to our feelings because our ego has led us to believe that imperfect reaction is not an option as imperfections equal inadequacy.

No. It just means we’re human, damn it.

But we suffer in silence. And in the silence resentment builds. Resentment is the death of connection. The plight of the perfectionist.

Saving face is a sign that self-acceptance is still on the table waiting to be dealt with. Acceptance of self and of anybody or anything else is born out of letting go of expectations. May I and all the other recovering perfectionists let go of the expectations we have of ourselves to be a certain way because that’s what we should be thinking, saying, and feeling. May we accept the facts of our humanity. We humans are unique, we are emotional, and we are imperfect.

Not unlike all the other aspects of “awakened” living, vulnerability is a practice. A daily practice. The opportunities to let our guard down and allow people to really, truly see us lies in accepting the fourth fact of humanity and that is we humans have an innate desire to protect our sense of self.  When the wall is going up, we merely notice it and then make a shift with this question: What would love have me say in this moment?

As one of my favourite spiritual authors, Neale Donald Walsch, once said, “The mind is the last part of yourself to listen to. It thinks of everything you can lose. The heart thinks of everything you can give and the soul thinks of everything you are.”

May we stop saving face because we’re so afraid to lose our sense of self. That small-minded self that feeds off the illusion that we’re not lovable just the way we are.

Next time you think it’s showtime, choose love. Choose to be fear-less. When you catch yourself in the “act” and choose open-hearted and truthful living, you will be opening up to a beautiful sense of connection that you may very well have been waiting your whole life for.

Or so it seems.

It’s tough love, but it’s all in the name of getting you to stick to the plan.

You’ve seen this tough love before. That job you thought was going to be the best job ever actually turned out to be a living hell. That business you started was so hard to get off the ground and then tanked before you knew it. That home you just had to have was a money pit…and rather haunted. That person you thought was the one, was so not the one.

Those were the times you went rogue and your wingman wasn’t going to have any of it. Nothing about the job, the business, the house, or the relationship was easy because your wingman was either completely apathetic or went to great lengths to make it a total gong show so you and your ego would finally give up.

We’ve grown up being told nothing comes easy and anything worth having is hard. Hmmmm. While I believe effort (even a bit of blood, sweat, and tears) in this life is a worthy endeavour and necessary for results, I also believe in checking how it feels and listening to that little voice inside telling you whether your wingman is on board with all this.

I believe in living your soul’s truth and singing your song. When you do, things are easy. You have experienced this before – your effort seems effortless – things are unfolding beautifully. There’s no drama. It’s like butter on toast. It’s not the battle that it once was before. Everything seems well-timed, well-planned, and well-orchestrated. Thanks wingman.

Take the easy way. Your mind will always present stuff, but then see how it sits with your soul. If it’s easy, it’s meant to be. If it’s not, you’ll feel that intolerable tug of your wingman’s apathy or sabotage.

As Danielle LaPorte states in her creed below, let it be easy. When it’s easy, that’s a neon sign indicating that you and the universe are working in harmony. You are thinking, but then ultimately tuning into the wisdom of your soul. Look at you sticking to the plan.

Yes, I certainly do. I love what I do for a living, I’ve got my health, I have a wonderful circle of friends, a great family, I’ve got money in my pocket, I like the colour of my hair, I’ve got a friend who loves me, I’ve got a house, I’ve got a car…

Tune into your abundance. You will see that you too lead an amazing life. Your version, not mine.

Yay gratitude. Stress cannot exist where there is gratitude. Go ahead and try to be aware of how good you’ve got it and freak out at the same time. Damn near impossible.

With all that gratitude going on, it’s also powerful for one’s spirit to manage your expectations about what life is and what it owes you. TRUTH: No one goes through this life without facing its challenges. If impermanence is the rule of this physical (3-D) world, then emotional and physical pain is the rule of the human experience.

Oh yes, life will hurt. You have and will pay dearly. You have and will feel alone. You have and will think that you can’t bear one more day of it.

It’s a good kind of hurt, though. Before you take that the wrong way, I’ll expand on that thought and say that the hurt has a mission. The pain is not here to squash you. It’s here to shake you awake. It’s here to widen your eyes. It’s here to throw a mirror in front of your face. It’s here to school you and that’ll learn ya.

As Indian philosopher and spiritual leader, Swami Vivekananda, once said, “The world is the great gymnasium where we come to make ourselves strong.”

There is strength in knowing and seeing oneself clearly. There is strength in making new rules.

And with the awareness that each hurt is an opportunity to get stronger, evolve, and live a more awakened life, we experience pain, but we don’t experience suffering because we’ve come back around to what else?

Gratitude.

You have your truth. You have beliefs that you would stand by if push were to really come to shove. You have aspects of yourself that have been there since day one and God bless you, there you are thirty, forty, fifty, sixty years later doing the same damn thing.

To realize it. To accept it. To own it. To express it freely and fearlessly is why you are here.

Screw the “shoulds”. Let go of what you think the world expects of you. And laugh at all the lies on Facebook. Yours included, darling.

If you do one thing in this life, choose to be yourself. Accept yourself for exactly who you are. Talk to yourself like you would to a best friend. Hell, even a lover.

So. Inspired by a conversation with my assistant when self-actualization was knocking hard on my door on a very dark day…here’s what I know for sure.

So far…

- I am a spiritual being having a human experience (not the other way around)

- every encounter is sacred

- other than what’s in the real law books, everything else in life truly is optional

- we suffer when we believe a thought that isn’t true for ourselves

- our true nature is joy

- things come together and they fall apart…it is the flux of life

- you can’t save anyone in this life, but if you save yourself, you will in turn, save the world

- to do something that brings you joy and leads you to shine a bright light in this world is success…but the opposite is not failure

- delivering a service and being of service are two very different things

- it’s very important to challenge everything you think, say, and want to buy

- emotional and physical pain is inevitable in life, however, suffering is quite optional

- stress cannot exist where there is gratitude

- abundance is not something we acquire in this life, it’s something we tune into

- it’s impossible to suffer if your attention is placed on the present moment

- my life is not about me at all…it’s about helping others in all the different ways that exist

- vulnerability (not saving face) can and will save the world

And here’s My Truth…

- my highs are high and my lows are low

- I LOVE a good party

- I can’t stand small talk (I’d rather dive in to the big, big stuff with a stranger than talk about their last vacation)

- I hold an extraordinary fantasy world in my mind

- I wear my heart on my sleeve

- I have no idea what complacency feels like

- I’m the most comfortable in this world when I’m busy

- I’m a pleaser from way back

- being a performer, turning a deaf ear to my ego-mind is my biggest life lesson

- writing, being on stage, and making people laugh is why I’m here…it is what my soul chose as the way to be a physical expression of love…it’s my TRUTH.

I probably didn’t capture everything here today, but it’s a start and starting to face the truth is one more step in getting closer to being who you really are.

What can you say for sure? What is your truth? And are you freely and fearlessly expressing it each day in all that you do?

Even on Facebook?

Big love,

susan

Here’s the thing. It’s everywhere. I know we believe that love is severely lacking in this world, but I strongly disagree. Quite the opposite, my love.

Love is seen as a premium product because we are deeply attached to what we expect it to look like, sound like, and feel like.

Love should look lovely. Love should sound loving. Love should make me feel loved.

If love doesn’t come to us looking, sounding, and feeling like the ways we expect it to, then it is absent. I say it exists all the time. Love is ever-present.

Here’s why you don’t need to want it. Here’s why you don’t need to need it….

Love isn’t an emotion and love isn’t a behaviour. Love is an energy. You can’t destroy energy – it only changes form.

We are always expressing this energy in some way or another depending on how we feel and choose to behave.

The thing is, our feelings and behaviours often suggest otherwise.

But love and how you feel and how you behave are all one.

You are constantly expressing love. Everyone is constantly expressing love.

We are all physical expressions of love.

Right now you might be thinking that this is hard to believe. You might be having a hard time buying into this when you have spent your life learning that love has opposites such as fear, anger, and sadness. You have learned that when those feelings or behaviours show up, love has left the building.

It hasn’t budged. It’s there. Just look for it.

When you fear loss, it’s because you love(d) someone or something deeply.

When you fear failure, it’s because you love something so much and want to realize your dreams.

When you are angry at someone, it’s because you love them so damn much and that’s why you care so damn much…enough to be angry.

When you feel sadness, it’s because you have loved something or someone so much that this loss has stopped you in your tracks and made grocery shopping a near impossible task.

And so on. When you feel “non-loving” emotions and demonstrate “non-loving” behaviours, remember that it’s all love just being expressed in ways that our minds have decided to be something entirely different.

Now apply this consciousness to your friend, your lover, your mother, your father, your brother, your sister, and your peeps at work…yes, even your boss. They are all expressing love even though their emotions and their behaviours may suggest otherwise.

Ah love. We want it. We need it. But it’s everywhere. Spend today (and the rest of your days) seeing it in its vast and varied expressions.

big love,

susan

I don’t cast judgement upon these sources of low vibes, I just notice that they exist and what comes at me when I’m within earshot.

Life sucks. Getting to work sucks. Being at work sucks. They suck. That sucked. That’s going to suck. That is going to be so much better because this sucks.

Spewing out these negative vibes can transform us into “human energy hoovers” as we remove all the positive vibes within a 250 meter radius. Do you know or work with someone who sucks?

Sometimes we get competitive with our negativity. My life sucks. Oh no, my life sucks way more than your life sucks. We actually try to out-negative each other. Bless us.

And then we have our radio DJs. Have you noticed the stuff they before and after they play the hits of yesterday and today? Along with sounding like they’ve just done their third line of coke of the day, they also propagate the thinking that daily life (especially the hours spent at our God forsaken jobs) is a total pain in the ass and it all being drudgery is quite inevitable. Listen to what these guys and gals say on the airwaves. “We’ll get you through your work day.” “I hope you’re surviving this Monday morning.” And my least favourite of them all….”THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY!!!” Really? Is that what we ought to thank God for? Why would we thank God for the fact that we now have five days less here on earth? The only fact surrounding Friday is that time has passed. The rest is a negative message that in order to enjoy our lives, the weekend must be at hand.

This negativity and limited view of life coming at us from every airwave and angle sucks. (please do ignore my blatant hypocrisy right about now)

Let’s move beyond noticing this negativity and let’s challenge it. Noticing and challenging old ways of thinking and being and then choosing something else that makes our light shine a bit brighter is the very definition of en-light-enment.

Is daily life something to get through, endure, or survive? Well, that is up to you, but consider that the word, “challenge” is not synonymous with “struggle”. With every really cold day, really hot day, really busy day, really challenging day, comes opportunities for you to be a source of love (to yourself and all others) in this world. Consider that it’s through these “tough times” that we are provided with chances to remember and express who we really are.

Life doesn’t suck when we are only sent angels.

The negative and limited gems that DJs or anyone else hand out for our listening pleasure are really a product of long-standing collective beliefs that have been fed to us over our lifetime and the lifetimes of those before us. I have listed some of my faves below and behold my opposing views beside them…

Better safe than sorry. (Better happier than sorry.)

The clothes make the man. (Clothes may enhance our sense of self (ego), but you are not what you have.)

Opposites attract. (We attract who is perfect for our evolution.)

There’s no such thing as a free lunch. (Sure there is. It’s called your childhood.)

You can’t have your cake and eat it too. (You can actually. It might not be the highest expression of who you are, but you can do what ever the hell you want.)

Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched. (Go ahead. In fact, I encourage it. It’s called intention. Live as though it were true.)

Money doesn’t grow on trees. (Okay, well, it’s true, it doesn’t…but abundance is all around us – there is no lack – lack is a byproduct of a limited mindset.)

Nice guys finish last. (What the hell does, “last” mean? Answer that sans ego and you’ll see how untrue this one is.)

It’s every man for himself. (Quite the bloody opposite. We are all connected. We are ONE. We are here to be of service to one another.)

Our society has created this big, imaginary law book of collective beliefs that keep us small and scared. It’s not the truth, but we’ve heard this stuff for so long that it can easily appear as the truth.

The truth is that aside from what’s in the law books, everything else in life is optional.

You can throw out the negativity and the limited thinking and see your life surrounded by lightness and magic. See how that feels.

I have found it all rather enlightening.

Big Love,

susan

In our pursuit to be who we really are in this life, we spiritual warriors are desperately trying to stay “awake”. “Awake” as in paying attention to what happens in our minds. We try to live our lives with a high awareness of how we’re viewing the world and responding to the world. The effort of warriors can also be called mindfulness or consciousness. Whatever you want to call it, it’s this awakened state that has most likely saved you from flatulating in the middle of a yoga class. Can I get an Amen?

From time to time along our journey, we warriors “fall asleep” and all spiritual thoughts and behaviours go right out the window. We worry. We feel alone. We feel separate. We gossip. We interfere. We grasp. We close our hearts and protect our sense of self. We resist. We take something way too damn seriously.

We are so not in the present moment.

There are those occasions when we warriors notice that we have “fallen asleep” and we judge ourselves harshly. With a heavy sigh, we think to ourselves, “With everything I have read and learned (and all the inspirational quotes I have “liked” and “shared” on Facebook) I should know better by now!” And then comes the story in our minds telling us that we’re going backwards. “I’m such a failure. How could things go so very wrong?”

Maybe you’ve had this kind of moment when you’re meditating. You catch yourself making a grocery list or rehearsing a future conversation you’re going to have with someone rather than focusing on your breath. “Damn it. I did it again. I suck at meditating! Bad meditator! Bad meditator!”

Whether it’s the practice of mindfulness or the practice of meditating, doing the opposite of our intentions can leave us wondering how it could happen, what we have missed, or what we have yet to learn to get out of this space. This feeling of “screwing up” keeps us in constant search for more information. You spiritual drop-out, you.

This idea of being a spiritual drop-out is a fallout of the self-help movement. Contrary to popular opinion (or is that collective belief?), the journey of a spiritual warrior is not about being a better person. It’s actually the exact opposite. Being a spiritual warrior is about being a person who realizes they don’t need to be anything more or different than they are. The spiritual journey is remembering what you once already knew – that you are perfect just the way you are.

How does one endure the journey of the spiritual warrior?

Give up all judgements and give up all hope that you’ll do better next time.

If judging yourself sounds all too familiar, it’s important to remember that this human experience is no easy task. Bless you and your soul’s white cotton socks for coming down here and even giving it a try. Show compassion to yourself for feeling the way you are feeling. Embrace yourself and who you are and where you are at…right now.

As I have learned from my meditation teacher, when we notice that we have drifted away from breath, that isn’t a time to beat up on oneself – it’s merely an opportunity to begin again.

Your highest purpose is to express unconditional love toward everyone  - including yourself. Go easy on yourself.

As I have learned from buddhist monk and author, Pema Chödrön, we humans are addicted to hope. Hope that there’s someone better to be and somewhere better to be. Hope isn’t born out of acceptance. Hope leads us to arguing with our reality and therefore, suffering. We don’t have to be better, but we do want to reduce our suffering, yes?

Let us spiritual warriors (and anyone else out there) relax with where and who we are. If we catch ourselves fast asleep, let that just merely be seen as an opportunity to begin again. Nothing more than that.

Ah, that’s much better.

Soldier on, dear warrior. Soldier on…

Big love,

susan

Spiritual leader and author, Byron Katie, once said, (and I’m slightly paraphrasing) “There are three areas of business. Your business. Other’s people’s business. And the universe’s business. We suffer when we get involved in those two other areas of business that aren’t ours.”

How many times have we been “stressed” about other people’s lives?

Are we rescuing people so we feel better about their situations? So we can sleep at night? So we don’t have to worry so damn much?

Let’s admit it. Rescuing people has more to do with dulling our own pain than anyone else’s.

This life isn’t about us, though. Our highest purpose is to be of service to others. Rocking out the “care-taker” energy is actually making life all about you.

Being of service = positive action. Care-taking = negative action.

As light workers, we are people persons. And being people persons, this correction in thinking/shift in consciousness can be one of the later steps in our awakening and one of the ol’ ego-driven habits that is more difficult to let go of.

It may come with the shiny facade of generosity, but rescuing is another form of interference. Unsolicited advice. Doing it for them so they don’t have to fumble along or fail. Making the pain go away by making the problem go away.

As lovely as your help may seem, it’s not your job to rescue anybody.

It’s your job to be of service.

It’s your job to listen. It’s your job to empathize (which is compassion in action). It’s your job to say a little prayer for them. It’s your job to love deeply and unconditionally.

My mother often uses the analogy of a light house when talking about the difference between care-taking and being of service. Light houses are of service as they stand on land shining brightly – if they were into care-taking, they would be hurling themselves into the storm to grab each boat they see.

Let us resist the urge to dive in and pull people safely to shore.

When we jump in and save the day, we’re interfering in a sacred contract. We’re throwing off a soul’s agenda. We’re actually doing someone a dis-service by robbing them of the precious adventure they agreed to come down here to experience and evolve from…often the hard way.

Of course, there is a place for rescuing in this world. If I’m in physical danger, bring on the rescuing! Let’s leave the rescuing to the cops, the firefighters, and the life guards. The rest are purposeful challenges along someone’s journey. The rest is none of our business. The rest is divine.

The rest is well-planned, well-timed, and well-orchestrated.

To try to fix someone or something to look a way that pleases our ego is a wavering of faith in the universe that we often claim to have.

Everything is perfect even when it isn’t, right?

Let go.

It’s not the letting go that hurts, it’s the holding on.

Big Love,

susan

It always has been.

You were done “evolving” the day you were born.

When we pick up that self-help/spiritual book, attend that yoga class, join that drum circle, listen to that inspirational speaker, or walk on those burning coals, we aren’t growing…we’re actually remembering what we once knew and knew how to do so effortlessly.

Your personal growth has always be complete because you don’t have to do anything in this life but be the real you.

You showed up the day you were born because the universe wanted to express itself through you. You showed up to express love unconditionally.

And you showed up with standard equipment and a default setting that made you perfect for the job!

If you haven’t seen your baby photo in awhile, go get it. I’ll wait.

Or if you can’t be bothered, picture it in your mind.

Or think of any baby you’ve seen recently. Look at the standard equipment and default setting you or they arrived with.

Joy. Enthusiasm. Peacefulness. Laughter. Playfulness. LOVE.

You were perfect.

You still are perfect.

Any message you’ve received or any thought that you’ve had pertaining to the idea that you aren’t perfect and that you aren’t enough just the way you are, is conditioning from society that makes unconditional love the unnatural challenge that it is.

Move over, Chris Angel, imperfection is the grandest illusion on earth.

After we’re born and we grow older, our parents, grandparents, educators, coaches, and society feed us all kinds of messages that what we are not enough just the way that we are.

We learn that our original operating system and standard equipment requires constant upgrades.

We embark on “personal growth” only because we slowly, but surely, forget our true nature.

The only thing that I can suggest in terms of “self-development” or “personal growth” is to un-learn all the conditioning that’s made it hard to express love to all people and in all situations. Un-learn the judgements, attachments, and expectations.

Un-learn all the “shoulds”. I should… You should…

Speaking of “shoulds”, have you ever thought that excluding what’s in the law books, everything in life truly is optional?

Un-learning = Freedom. Freedom = Being Exactly Who You Are.

Un-learning is really just the act of remembering who you really are and what you already knew when you arrived.

Your personal growth process is really just the conscious decision to solely use your standard equipment and shift back to your “default setting”.

Joy. Enthusiasm. Peacefulness. Laughter. Playfulness. LOVE.

Personal growth is really just an act of remembering who you really are.

Peel back the layers of conditioning that have triggered anxiety, fear, and depression. Challenge the made-up laws, rules, and belief systems that have led you away from your true nature.

Think of any personal learning experience as an un-learning experience.

Any moment of personal growth is merely you connecting to your true nature.

To know that you’re done growing is the only true act of growth that life has to offer.

All you really must do is remember that.

Big Love,

susan

Nothing wrong in your life…ever.

Yep, you heard me. Perfection 24/7. Since day #1.

Things being wrong versus being perfect is a matter of belief.

What do you believe to be true about why you are you here?

If it’s to be “successful” as the illusions of this world would have us believe (snag our dream job, make loads of moolah, own a big house, have the best partner everrrr, have the best friends everrrr, be thin, be busy, be happy, be popular, and so on….), then yes, you’re screwed. Your life is and always has been one hot mess.

Always challenge what the “dream” of this physical world has shown you to be your purpose. It’s basically one, large beer commercial.

Challenge what you think the world expects of you.

Believe it to be true or not, you’re not here to be mister or miss thing. You’re not here to do or to have anything. You’re not here to save the world.

You may want some or all of those things, but that’s not why you’re here.

You’re here for one reason and one reason only…so the universe can express itself through you.

You are love zipped up in a human suit. You can see it in your baby photo. That’s your true nature. That’s who you really are. Pure love and joy. Living consciously and reclaiming our true nature is our way of finding our way back “home”

Your unhappy relationship, your relationship ending, your lack of a relationship, your lost job, your job never gotten, your job that you do have and can’t stand, your financial worries, your family dramas, your unreasonable or nasty boss, your challenges at work, the money you don’t have, the debt you do have….are all perfectly placed and timed chances to meet it with unconditional love.

To choose what love would do.

What does love do?

Love does 3 main things when it hangs out in a human suit in this world:

1. Love is compassionate. If someone is unloving or behaving in some way that doesn’t demonstrate self-love or love to others, it’s because they have simply been swept up by the illusions of this world and have drifted away from what they know to be true. Love doesn’t judge because nothing is “wrong” – it’s just simply people drifting away from their true nature (love & joy) and forgetting who they really are. This goes for how we think and feel about ourselves as well. At ease, soldier.

2. Love knows that this life isn’t about you. Yes, it’s your life to live, but you’re here to receive abundance (whether it’s time, energy, skills, talent, money, etc.) so you can help others. Love strives to be of service at all times. Whatever your desires are, be the source of it! Find ways to give it to other people that have even less of it than you do. For example, what more love? Be more loving! When we are the source of something and we give it to others, the universe makes sure we have lots because we’re helping others on its behalf! It feed us so we feed the world. Go human PEZ dispenser, go!

3. Love shines in the dark. When it comes to all the “wrong” things in your life or on the world stage, something to consider is that you wouldn’t know your capacity to be kind, to be selfless, or to express love if it weren’t for the darkness that surrounds you. If it were sunny all the time, how would you see your own light?

There is nothing going wrong in your life, nor has the ever been.

The idea of something being “wrong” is a judgement…there are only challenges that you have perceived as being “wrong” based on the conditioning society so beautifully provides.

Challenges always have a solution which is to be the source of what you desire.

Challenges are actually perfect opportunities to connect to your true nature and be who you really are or help someone else find their way “home”.

Be love and all is right with the world. 

Big Love,

susan