If you don’t mind how something turns out, it doesn’t matter and it’s the not mattering that creates that beloved calm feeling. It’s tough to get stressed about something that doesn’t matter to you.

Before you get thinking that I’m suggesting that you not give a damn about anything or anyone, I want to clarify what it means to have something “matter” to you. When something matters to you, your happiness is hinged on its status which is what Buddhists call attachment. You have most likely experienced the struggle that comes along with attachment. When anything that matters to you goes pear-shaped, you feel anxious and stressed, yes?

What if you just decided that what someone said at the family dinner last weekend or what someone thinks of you or how much money you make wasn’t that important? I understand that it’s pretty tough to be happy about certain challenges you face, but what if you just decided that they didn’t matter? What if you didn’t allow the world around you to affect you as much? What if something unfortunate or negative had nothing to do with how special, worthy, lovable, deserving, or good you are?

What if nothing mattered in terms of defining the success of who you are and the success of your life?

When things don’t matter and you are able to practice non-attachment, you don’t care about outcomes. When outcomes don’t indicate anything about you or your life, you don’t hinge your happiness on certain things happening. And when you aren’t hinging your happiness and self-worth on what happens, you are much more adaptable and flexible in your mindset.

It’s not really the outcome that causes stress—it’s the meaning that is placed on an outcome that causes stress.

Without meaning, things don’t matter. And when things don’t matter, you don’t care what happens. And when you don’t care about what happens, it’s much easier to accept what happens.

Things only matter as much as you make them matter. You are the only one that provides meaning to anything that happens in your life. The key to making things less important is understanding that everything is meaning-LESS. Nothing comes to you with a predetermined value or weight. The importance of something is created by the meaning you give it.

Things not mattering is the essence of ancient Buddhist practices and philosophies. I’m not pushing religion here, but what I am offering is an endeavour to live in harmony with life rather than struggling with it.

The struggle we often endure in the face of adversity isn’t from the challenging circumstances, but rather, what we decide those challenging circumstances mean for us. 

A break up means that you are lousy at relationships, or unlovable, or going to be single for the rest of your life.

Does it mean any of that or did you (for whatever reason) just break up with someone?

Losing your job means that you worked for a bunch of jerks, or weren’t valued enough, or going to have to move back in with your parents who live in a gated retirement village.

Does it mean any of that or (for whatever reason) did you just lose your job?

Your rebellious teenager means that you are terrible parent, or your divorce damaged them, or they will be in jail by the time they’re 25 years old.

Does it mean any of that or (for whatever reason) do you just have a rebellious teenager?

The reason for something is real, but the meaning you give it is made up.

Life really is far too meaning-full. We rarely take the world in because we’re so busy deciding that it means something when the truth is it doesn’t. If you don’t like what something means, the really cool thing is that you get to decide that it doesn’t mean that. You can change the meaning or simply decide it doesn’t mean a damn thing.

You’ll find you won’t mind the adversities of life as much when you decide that they don’t matter.

The post Have You Noticed That Life Is Far Too Meaning-FULL? appeared first on Susan Stewart.

It’s completely natural for the mind to create drama, but the key is to not get drawn into those catastrophic thoughts, attach meaning to them, and allow them to take you down the proverbial rabbit hole. Not taking something too seriously gets down to discernment – being selective about what you pay attention to and believe.

Your mind and the news are extremely alike. They both have a passionate love-affair with negativity. Much like your mind is hardwired to think negatively, the news thrives on death and destruction. Apparently, “If it bleeds, it leads” is a commonly used slogan in the news journalism world. Treat the news like your brain – be very selective about what you pay attention to and believe. If you’re not discerning about what the news is telling you, it can be easy to think that all that death and destruction means the world is going to hell in a hand basket.

The news gives you only one perspective and with its focus on crime and injustice, it appears that our society is going down a slippery slope heading towards the apocalypse of humanity. Is that the truth, though? According to Harvard researcher Steven Pinker, the world is safer than it ever has been. According to his research, we are living in the most peaceful times in history. The murder rate, number of war deaths, and the percentage of the population dying of infectious diseases are all lower now than ever before. Life expectancy, quality of life, and percentage of the population with access to education are all increasing.

There is always more than one way to see something and unfortunately, the news doesn’t change its angle to remind us of how far we’ve come.

Just like that voice inside your head, the news is a story teller and it’s not telling you the whole story.

Yes, it’s true, while watching the news you see dark energies (meaning, people are in the dark about why they are here and what matters most) all over the world harming others and causing devastation, however, the news doesn’t show you the light that seen because of the dark. The news doesn’t show you all the acts of heroism, compassion, and generosity that happen as a result of tragedies, acts of terrorism, and war.

After a town, city, or country endures a natural disaster or suffers great loss, you don’t learn  the many ways that setback moved people forward in their collective and individual journeys. You’ll never know what relationships were healed, who had a grand awakening, or what lessons were learned from the destruction and distress they endured.

Lord knows you see your fair share of “hate crimes” nowadays stemming from fear and intolerance, but do you notice how much love there is? Next time you’re caught up in the story that the world is a cold and cruel place, go to the airport and hang out at the arrivals area. With all the hugging, laughing, and tears of joy, it’s a veritable love-fest.

In the movie, Love Actually, Hugh Grant’s character, David, narrates as follows: “When I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love, actually, is all around.”

I know it’s very tough to see what they show you on the news, but remember that it’s only the dark part of a bigger story that contains just as much light.

The post Don’t Take The News Too Seriously appeared first on Susan Stewart.

At some point, you reach an age where you can’t possibly, even if you tried, care less about some matters. You’re done with worrying about what others think, adhering to rules prescribed by people you haven’t even bloody met, and you realize who you want in your inner circle and who you want banished from the kingdom forever. It’s not that you necessarily become a cantankerous bitch in your older years, but t’s just that you’ve lived long enough and learned enough to stop giving certain things your time and energy.

In other words, you simply choose to be happy rather than trying to be cool, popular, or important.

Are you at that point in your life? Have you been fortunate enough to have reached the ultimate status of not caring anymore about the stuff that simply isn’t worth the worry? If so, then you’ll know these ten things to stop caring about…

1. Stop Caring About Other People’s Opinions. Other people’s opinions (which are actually really just judgements), are nothing to worry about because it has nothing to do with you – those judgements are people expressing a truth about them (not you) and that truth is usually a fractured part of their thinking that has yet to be healed. By the way, you’re being judged by someone who is far from having their own sh*t together. Another truth.

2. Stop Caring About Fashion Rules. No white before Victoria Day (or Memorial Day in the U.S.) or after Labor Day? Screw that. No horizontal stripes unless you’re a size 0? Screw that too. No bikini or mini-skirt after 30? Who says and what gives them the right to tell you what and when to wear it?!? You are not here to please people – you are here to be completely yourself. Sing your own song, damn it. Seriously. Do whatever you want because you can. Screw it all.

3. Stop Caring About Your Ex. You broke up for a reason and that reason is probably somewhere between him or her being terrible and him or her not having nothing in common with you. Nobody failed. Some relationships have an expiry date and by that I mean you did and learned all you could together. It was time to move on – nothing more dramatic than that. That break up only means what you decide it means. You can also believe that it doesn’t mean a damn thing and that it just simply happened. A great option to consider.

4. Stop Caring About Offending Someone. A great deal of happiness and peace is a byproduct of having boundaries and letting people know that what they did or said isn’t cool by you. If someone says or does something that disrespects you in any way, speak up and stand up for yourself. Don’t let fear of offending someone stand in the way of you living authentically. If someone is offended by you standing in your power, that response is a reflection of where they are in their journey. Don’t take what people say or do personally – they are just expressing their level of consciousness.

5. Stop Caring About Ending Toxic Relationships. Some people, even if they’re not aware of it, are toxic energies in our lives. I ended a 20 year friendship and even though I miss my friend, I have never regretted my decision. Trust me, it won’t be a loss – it will be a gain by you having more time for the people who match your vibe and lift you up. Love is supposed to feel good.

7. Stop Caring About Your Mistakes. First of all, to be imperfect is to be human. What did you expect? To nail it every time? Nah, your humanity makes that expectation completely unreasonable. Second of all, your mistakes do not define you – they are merely pieces in your life that have made you who you are. That is all. Mistakes do not hold you back, do not open doors for judgement, or ruin your life. Mistakes are necessary obstacles and setbacks that help your learn stuff you could have never learned any other way. Here’s another opportunity to decide that something doesn’t mean anything – again, always a great option.

8. Stop Caring About Fitting In. This point connects back to not caring about following fashion rules. I’ll say it again – you are here to sing your own song. The highest purpose of your life is to do exactly what makes you come alive and in doing that, being a bright light in this world – that is why you’re here in the first place and remembering that is what matters most in life. Follow you heart, not other people.

9. Stop Caring About Having A “Perfect” Body. Remember that everything (including rules) are all made up? The definition of a “perfect” body can’t be true or real because that rule has actually changed over time. In the 14th century, the bigger and curvier you were the better because a full figure indicated you could afford food. It was the skinny bitches who didn’t have 2 dimes to put together. And now, thanks to the influence of Hollywood and the media, the thinner you are, the more glamorous you are. However, thanks to Jennifer Lopez and Beyoncé, big booties are acceptable – for now. Whatever you have, own it and rock it out. And may the favourite thing about your body be that it serves you every day despite how you treat it on some weekends.

10. Stop Caring About Caring About Stuff. In life, you need to choose your battles. You need to decide what deserves your attention and energy and what doesn’t. When you care about something, give it your all and when you don’t care, do that big as well – say no and don’t give it another thought. You may feel guilty about not caring about some things, but saying “no” to stuff gives you the space and time to say “yes” to the things that get you excited. Don’t half-ass anything – especially your caring and not caring about things.

The post 10 Things To Stop Caring About When Being Happy Is Better Than Being Cool, Popular, and Important appeared first on Susan Stewart.

If you’re looking to go easier on yourself, the best place to start is to recognize (and then constantly be aware of) the constant message that you are being given and that message is that if you haven’t achieved a goal yet or don’t possess a certain something (tangible or intangible), you’re simply lagging behind and you best be catching up.

You may want nothing more than to push yourself harder, reach higher, or put more time in, but you don’t need to.

You don’t need more motivation. You don’t need to launch into action to be more inspired. You don’t need to read any more lists, posts, or books about how you’re not doing enough.

As much as I love those heartfelt quotes on social media, there seems to be a growing pressure to get it together and fast. The message we are not hearing nearly enough is the divinity and power of timing. You are as you are until you’re not. You change when you want to change. You put your ideas into action when you are damn well ready. That’s just how it happens.
What I think we all need more than anything is this: permission to be wherever the hell we are when we’re there.

You’re not a robot. You can’t just conjure up motivation when you don’t have it. Oh sure, you can think to yourself, “I really should….(insert your endeavour of choice here)”, but that’s not an authentic expression of desire, that’s you feeling obligated. Yes, you’ve got potential, power, and expansiveness coming out of your you-know-what, but sometimes you’re going through something. Sometimes the only thing you can do is survive. Sometimes the mojo leaves the building. Sometimes life has happened. Life! Remember life? Yeah, it teaches you things and sometimes makes you go the long way around for your biggest lessons.

You don’t get to control everything. You can wake up at the crack of dawn every day until you’re tired and broken, but if the words or the painting or the ideas don’t want to come to fruition, they won’t. You can show up every day with your best intentions, but if it’s not the time, it’s just not the time. For the love of God, give yourself permission to be a human being.

Sometimes the novel is not ready to be written because you haven’t met the inspiration for your main character yet. Sometimes you need two more years of life experience before you can make your masterpiece into something that will feel real and true and raw to other people. Sometimes you’re not falling in love because whatever you need to know about yourself is only knowable through solitude. Sometimes you haven’t met your next collaborator. Sometimes your sadness encircles you because, one day, it will be the opus upon which you build your life.

Lord knows it’s very fun to play the game of life, but have you noticed that you aren’t the one strategically moving the pieces around on the board?

Your experience cannot always be manipulated. Effort is wonderful, but you can’t make something happen. As my mother says, “You can’t push a rope.” If it’s complete drudgery or feels like moving through the mud, something about the timing isn’t right. We can see this truth about life proven many times along the path behind us, and yet, we try to manipulate and control our lives, in the pursuit of “success”. Success gets quotes around it when it comes at all costs.

You don’t get a complete say in how and when everything is going to roll out. You just don’t. You don’t get to control every outcome, but you do get the continual opportunity to be okay with uncertainty and unpredictable nature of life. Despite what you’ve been told by a mad world, you aren’t here to do anything except to show up as you are in this moment and let that be enough.

As we dismiss synchronicity, ignore our inner voice, and miss the signs that are lovingly pointing the way, we put ourselves fully in charge of getting things done. We often forget that we are as we are until we’re not. We are the same until we’re changed. We can stretch ourselves a bit further by putting into place healthy habits and to show up to our lives in a way that fosters growth, but we’re not the ones moving the pieces around on the board. Timing is the one thing that we often forget to surrender to.

Things are dark until they’re not. Most of our unhappiness stems from the belief that our lives should be different. We believe we have control — and our self-loathing and self-hatred comes from this idea that we should be able to change our circumstances, that we should be richer or hotter or better or happier. While taking responsibility for our lives is empowering, it can often lead to this resentment and bitterness that none of us need to be holding within us. Let’s put in our best efforts and then give ourselves permission to let whatever happens to happen. Let’s not be so attached to outcomes. Let’s let it be.

I have come to understand through experience that life can dream bigger for us than we can for ourselves so we might as well stop trying to run the show.

You don’t need more motivation or inspiration to create the life you want. Let go of the shame around the idea that you’re not doing your best. Stop listening to people who are in vastly different life circumstances and life stages than you tell you that you’re just not doing or being enough. Let timing do what it needs to do. See lessons where you see barriers. What’s right now becomes inspiration later.

Sometimes we’re not yet the people we need to be in order to contain the desires we have. Sometimes we have to let ourselves evolve into the place where we can allow what we want to transpire.

Let’s just say that whatever you want, you want it enough. So much so that you’re making yourself miserable in order to achieve it. What about chilling out? Maybe your motivation isn’t the problem, but that you keep pushing a boulder up a mountain that only grows in size the more you push.

The post Go Easy On Yourself – Timing IS Everything appeared first on Susan Stewart.

As you probably have as well, I’ve experienced the painful “let down” that sets in after my valiant effort fails to manifest what I’ve been trying so hard to achieve.

As I have explored the Buddhist practice of detachment (not relying on outcome for peace and happiness) for the past few years, I have come up with a mantra for myself: stop trying so hard.

Now, the Buddhists don’t suggest this, but try dealing with success like dating. Yes, do the work (in the case of dating, look hot and put yourself out there as much as possible), but then let the chips fall where they may. The “trying” part of trying to hard, is the attempt to control outcomes when you can’t. You can’t make someone like you and want to be with you just like you can’t control every little thing that is required to happen in order for a desired outcome to take place.

Rather than trying to hard, try being a bit aloof about stuff that you want. In her book, “Yes Please”, Amy Poehler recommends loving your passion (creativity), but treating your career (success) like a bad boyfriend. As Amy says, “Your career won’t take care of you. It won’t call you back or introduce you to its parents. Your career will openly flirt with other people while you’re around. It will forget your birthday and wreck your car. Your career will blow you off if you call it too much. It’s never going to leave its wife. Your career will never marry you.”

Great advice, Amy. Don’t bank on your career or any other outcome to do what you want it to because it’s gonna do what it’s gonna do. You can’t force your career or any other outcome to do what you want it to anymore than a bad boyfriend so just focus on what makes you happy.

Dating is the ideal analogy for this relationship between you and your dreams. When it’s meant to be, it will be. The universe knows just the guy for you.

Yes, apply effort and take action, but then practice ambivalence – don’t need the outcome and know that no matter what happens, you’ll be okay. In fact, you can kick it up a notch and know that life has a plan for you and it may be ten times better than the outcome you have in mind.

Rather than wishing, hoping, and praying, for success to come running to you, see what happens when you play hard to get. Maybe not caring as much about what happens will make you more attractive. Yes, I am suggesting you play games with success. You have to admit, it’s a great strategy for dating – when you don’t want someone or don’t care if someone likes you, the more likely they will ask you out.

Yes, just like a bad boyfriend, your career (or any other outcome) doesn’t like needy.

The post Stop Trying So Hard (and treat success like a bad boyfriend) appeared first on Susan Stewart.

Then we grow up, and get a job, and take on responsibilities. The stillness in our minds shifts to a heavy metal rock concert of noise and that noise is our thoughts. Welcome to the jungle.

Adults don’t take the world in – most of the time we just listen to the stories we tell ourselves about the world. We believe the endless parade of thoughts flitting through our heads instead of actually paying attention to life around us.

This is not a post about achieving the stillness that you showed up with when you first arrived in the world, but rather it’s about utilizing the one practice that can help you make the noise in your head quieter and far more pleasant. The practice that I’m referring to is mindfulness.

The definition of mindfulness is paying full attention to the present moment and observing it without  judgement.

One of the fundamental principles behind mindfulness is that we all take our thoughts way too seriously. We think our thoughts always mean something. In fact, we think we are our thoughts are one hundred per cent true and our thoughts are us. One of the reasons we worry so much and experience so many negative emotions is because we take our thoughts about the world more seriously than the world itself.

You know as well as I do that all kinds of ridiculous thoughts go through our heads. And sometimes you know not to trust them. When you’re tired, drunk, angry, or sick, you don’t take your thoughts as seriously. On some level, you know you’re not “clear headed” and your emotions are running the show.

It’s when you’re having a tough day while having an adequate amount of energy, completely sober, even-keeled emotionally, and healthy, that you can easily get thrown into the mosh-pit of the rock concert and get swept up in all that noise leaving you totally stressed out. You took all those thoughts of yours very seriously and now you’re caught up in a big ol’ story about what happened during your day. It’s those days when mindfulness can help you lighten up.

Here are some ways to practice mindfulness when you can feel yourself getting all caught up in your head…

• Be aware that you are not your thoughts. Sometimes what you think is downright dark or ridiculous, but it’s all made up. Because you think it, doesn’t make it true.
• Observe rather that judge. Rather than attaching meaning to your thoughts, let them float by.
• Get out of your head and return to your senses. Next time you’re worrying, remember that your thoughts aren’t real. Life is real. To help you see clearly, turn your attention to your senses and notice the world around you. How does that cup of coffee smell? Are you really noticing the lunch you’re eating? What sounds can you hear around you? Do you see me looking at you? (Just kidding, I’m probably not there watching you.) Rather than distract yourself, try immersing yourself in the world around you.
• Label intrusive thoughts. Give a negative/stressful/fearful thought a funny name that trivializes it: Oh, that movie, “This is going to be a huge disaster.” is on again. Oh, look, that “I blew it again.” train has pulled into the station. Oh, that “Things never work out the way I want them to!” song is playing on the radio. If you’re not into funny names, you can choose labels such as “doubting”, “fearing”, “judging,” “assuming”, “attaching”, etc.

Mindfulness is not about emptying the mind, getting rid of difficult emotions, escaping life’s problems, being free of pain, or experiencing never-ending bliss. Mindfulness is about embracing your experience and being present rather than getting all caught up in your head.

Every thought either strengthens or weakens you. When you are more mindful of what you’re thinking and telling yourself, you’re less likely to “swallow the poison”. Not “swallowing the poisons” is a concept I learned from the inspirational author, Martha Beck and it involves not internalizing toxic thoughts that in turn, causes pain, sickness, or extreme distress.
“I’m bad.” “I’m ugly.” “I never get it right.” Just hold those thoughts in your mind and feel how sick they make you. I mean physically sick—weak, tired, achy, and vulnerable to stress. To cleanse yourself of whatever toxic crap you just consumed, begin focusing on any evidence that refutes them. “My dog thinks I’m awesome.” “I drove the speed limit today.” “I have such petite ankles.”

Pay attention to the noise coming from that heavy metal concert playing in your head and shut down any song that makes you want to barf.

The post The Art & Practice Of Not Taking Your Thoughts Too Seriously appeared first on Susan Stewart.

Yes, we have come a long way, baby. I mean, geez…back in the ’60s people sat around smoking all freaked out they wouldn’t win a space race. There’s no denying we have gained a great deal of perspective over time.

So given how good we’ve become at being thankful for our blessings and how much of a social faux pas it is to bitch about anything taking place in the first world, it may appear that I’m really late to the party to be suggesting anything new about how to practice gratitude, but well, here I am.

Because to be human is to have goals, and desires, and dreams. To be human is to look out at that space that lies between where you are and where you want to be. And if you’re not careful about how you view that space, you can end up thinking that you don’t have enough.

If you want to make more money, it can be easy to think, “I don’t make enough money.”

If you want more clients, it can be easy to think, “I don’t have enough clients.”

If you want more gigs, it can be easy to think, “I don’t get enough gigs.”

 As you constantly stare out at the space as you make your way along your journey, it can be easy to confuse the natural human desire to do and have more with lack. It can be easy to convince yourself that because there are still things you want to do and have that you don’t have everything you need.

Go back to what your parents most likely said to you when you were a kid having a fit because they weren’t willing to buy you a toy you claimed to need. They said, “What you want and what you need are two different things.”

Lack is a belief – it’s a perception – it’s a mindset. Abundance isn’t something you collect, it’s something you notice.

While you may want more money, clients, or gigs, the truth is, you have enough money, clients, and gigs. While you want more, you have everything you need. You have enough because you exist. If you didn’t have enough of something, my darling, you wouldn’t be alive.

Cue the gratitude.

As you make your way into that open space and travel toward the things you want, challenge the belief that you don’t have enough by seeing that you have everything you need to make the journey.

Because something in your life doesn’t exist, doesn’t mean that in your life there is something missing.

The post How Goals Can Mess With Your Sense Gratitude appeared first on Susan Stewart.

Just as you try to get the ground up under your feet and try to feel settled, your relationship goes ka-boom, your department at work gets reorganized, or (God forbid) your hair stylist moves out of town.

The way change constantly rearranges the furniture can be maddening if you just want to sit down and relax for a minute.

Now, of course, in the face of change you can rock out some good ol’ optimism and see it as an opportunity. And you can go all spiritual and trust that life is taking you down a path that you didn’t know you’re supposed to take.

Another way to cozy up to uncertainty and insecurity is being aware of the fact that change also totally rocks.

Have you ever noticed how the temporary nature of everything has worked in your favour?

Just like all storms eventually pass, cold winters give way to the warmth of the sun, and the darkness turns to light, the temporary nature of things is why no adversity in your life has lasted forever. The fact that nothing is permanent is why you can look back on your challenges rather than still facing all of them right here in this moment.

As singer/songwriter, Jann Arden, so brilliantly states in one of her songs, “Everything must change and so it does.” Everything being the important word there.

When you’re going through hell, keep going because one day this will become yet another chapter in your past. The furniture will be set up in a completely different way and you’ll be so thankful for the change.

The change that has taken your life and shaken it like a snow globe in the most frustrating and inconvenient ways has also shaken it just as you thought you were going to have to face a challenge or fight a certain battle forever. Your defiant teenager eventually matured. Your terrible boss eventually left the building – or you did. Your epic divorce finally got settled.

Eventually the flux of life comes along and helps you see a brighter day. Because nothing stays the same, the pain eventually goes away.

While it can be so easy to resist change, once and awhile marvel at how the flux of life has  saved your sanity more times than it has challenged it.

The post Change Is Hard, Except When It Totally Rocks appeared first on Susan Stewart.

Look back on the goals you have had and striven for throughout your life. Why did you want to achieve those successes? If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll come to the conclusion that your pursuit of success was actually the pursuit of happiness. Everything you’ve ever wanted to accomplish or possess was because you thought it was going to ultimately make you happier.

Hey, no judgement here. Chasing success because you believe that it will make you happier is a completely natural and extremely common practice. Besides the Dalai Lama, pretty much everyone places happiness on the other side of success.

When I get that promotion, then I’ll be happy.

When I finally finish that project, then I’ll be happy.

When I lose that damn 15 pounds, then I’ll be happy.

With our pursuit of happiness (success = happiness) there lies a major flaw in the system and that flaw is that success is a moving target. When we do reach a goal, we raise the bar or put entirely different goal in its place. Anyone who has ever run 5km will tell you that personal victory was short-lived because they started working towards running 10km. Research has proved that the happiness we feel from success is only fleeting because while we could be elated by an ever-lasting feelings of achievement and gratitude, we’re busy looking for the next big thing.

Due to our insatiable desire to have and do more, we never get to this place that we think is going to make us happy which is why I get so friggin’ excited every time my GPS tells me I have arrived.

So if success doesn’t truly make us happy, what does?

What has also been proven by both social psychology and positive psychology is that what makes us humans truly happy is having a sense of meaning and fulfillment by making choices and having habits that generate an overall feeling that our lives matter. Our happiness is a direct reflection of the degree to which our lives have value, purpose, and impact. When engage in things that lead us to being a bright light in this world, we feel good.

Basically, when we remember why we’re here in the first place and do things to fulfil the highest purpose in our life, happiness is a likely result.

The reason you’re here in the first place is to make the world a better place and you do that by lifting up the spirits of others or by making choices that liberate and inspire you.

Yes, acts of kindness/generosity and making a positive difference in the lives of others will help you shine bright, but so will living your truth, social interaction, pursuing your passions, creativity, exercising, and making time for play.

While you most likely don’t have many memories of success making you happy, you probably have many memories of being happy when you put the well-being of others and your well-being at the top of your priority list.

While we may think happiness is a result of success, it turns out that happiness is a result of following your heart.

If you are discontent, discouraged, or feeling “flat”, the best question to ask yourself is, “What am I not doing that I used to do when I felt completely alive?”

Your answer will have nothing to do with success and more to do with making this world a brighter place in some way and that way might be some act of generosity or that way might be something that used to light you up.

So there you have it. Our pursuit of happiness is what has made happiness so darn elusive. Rather than joy being a result of outcomes, we are finding joy in the process of making a positive impact on the lives of others and our own lives rather.

Want to feel completely alive again? Ditch the futile pursuit of happiness and embark on the happiness of pursuit.

The post The Way We Pursue Happiness Is What Makes It So Darn Elusive appeared first on Susan Stewart.

For all the joys on earth, few compare to those days in the sun when you achieved against the odds, succeeded in the face of fear, or found love where there seemed to be none.

Your greatest joys are all those times you rose from the ashes.

Have you ever noticed that in order for you to rise, the poor odds, fear, and loneliness, had to come first?

Look back at the path behind you and see how your life has always be bettering itself – one struggle after another.

Yet when these very challenges, these opportunities to overcome setbacks, and these gateways to glory come our way, we all too often just see them as plain ol’ problems. We forget the past history we have with them and react with the same ol’ disdain and disillusionment.

Every time life takes our world and shakes it around like a snow globe, we slip into the same state of amnesia. We can’t or don’t recall that overcoming this will usher in a brighter day than we’ve known before.

We’re like those soap opera characters that have an amazing knack for never referring to the past and by not connecting the dots, we miss out on the chance to trust what life has shown us time and time again and that is your issues aren’t random, they’re by design.

Adversity is a well-planned, well-timed, and well-orchestrated event divinely placed along your path and those ashes are why you know the exhilaration of rising up.

Look back and see what the universe has been up to this whole time.

And then maybe, just maybe, the next time you’re climbing yet another mountain, you’ll know a great joy is waiting for you on the other side because you’ve caught on to the fact that your life isn’t great in spite of the challenges that you face, your life is great because of the challenges you face.

The post Your Greatest Joys Have One Thing In Common: Adversity appeared first on Susan Stewart.