http://motivational-speakers-review.com/2012/05/16/building-relationships/nice-or-by-who-wins

We value kindness – but we compliment each other on our clothes. We value humility – but we ooh and aah over each other’s possessions. We speak of loving for who we are – and compliment each other on the size we have reached. We admire hard work, and praise people for their beauty.  We say that it’s the thought that counts – and compliment the best gift. We say that our actions define us – and gush over someone’s spotless house. We say that we value all people – and then compliment someone on how young they look. We say that everyone matters – and compliment those that everyone knows.

It’s no wonder that our girls are growing up thinking that their worth is tied into their size or their beauty. It’s no wonder that our kids learn that possessions are an indication of achievement. It’s no wonder that health isn’t the objective, being skinny is. It’s no wonder that old people feel invisible.  It’s no wonder that most of us walk around in a constant state of feeling less than – of wanting what we don’t have – of wishing for something over the rainbow.

And so today, I am issuing a challenge – starting with myself. I challenge myself to compliment people on what I truly value. I challenge myself to change the compliment conversation.  Starting with the way I compliment myself.

The old way: Self, you are looking horrible today. That haircut is so eighties. Your makeup looks like you fell into a paint bucket. And those pants make you look like your thighs are in a wrestling match. Don’t leave the house.

The new way: Self, look at you. You rock! You set a goal today and reached it. You made someone feel good. Wow. Imagine what that’s doing for them right now. You stopped and appreciated how pretty the flowers are outside the grocery store. Pat yourself on the back – today was another day well lived.
 

The old way:  Wow! Terry, you look fantastic!!!! You must be a size two!!! Congratulations!!! You will be hot in those new pants!

My new way:  Wow! Terry, you have lost a TON of weight! I am so proud of you for creating a goal and sticking to it. You must be so proud of your own persistence and dedication. You are truly an example of hard work and I admire you.

 
The old way: Oh, Sarah, you are so pretty! Why I’d bet you are the prettiest girl in third grade! I am so proud of you. 

The new way: Oh, Sarah, you are such a kind loving little child. I so appreciate how you shared your favorite cookies, and you didn’t even have to. Your kind and giving spirit really  makes you beautiful.

The old way:  Congratulations Barry for coming in first in the race! 

The new way: Congratulations Barry for showing me what hard work looks like. I really admire how hard you worked to get here, and what sacrifices you made to reach a dream. (Same thing if Barry came in last.) 

This is going to be a hard thing for me – changing the compliment conversation. Because I LOVE to compliment people – and often my mind jumps right to the outward appearance. But I’m going to work at it. One compliment at a time. And trust that it could make a difference.

Love,
Your wacky motivational speaker who loves you not for what you have or look like, but for who you are.

Here’s the deal: WE DON’T CARE WHO YOU KNOW.

Shocking, I know. But we don’t. So resist the urge to tell me you were on Oprah. Fight the temptation to show me pictures of you and the President. Don’t start your sentence with, “When Mother Theresa and I were having lunch…”  You can find other places to show me what you’ve done and who you know. But when we are face to face, be you. I’m not judging you on who you know. I’m judging you on who I see. Just show me you – the real vulnerable authentic you. I promise it’s good enough.

Much love,
Your wacky movtivational speaker who was never on Oprah.

So today I simply ask myself – what is the life I want? What does good health look like for me? What does quality family time look like? What does my dream look like?

And now I look at how I spent yesterday. Oops.

And how I spent the day before. Oops.

And how I am spending today. Oops.

So it’s time to pick up the eraser – no, can’t go back – the pen, and write a new ending. It’s time to STOP focusing on this distraction, and START focusing on the goal. One moment at a time.

We are not the readers of our fairy tales – we are the authors. We can create the life we want. Or at least get pretty darn close!

What about you?

Here’s Paul’s blog – please read it – you might find renewed strength there. http://motivational-speakers-review.com/2012/05/05/health-and-wellness/time-to-put-on-my-big-boy-panties#comment-1029

http://motivational-speakers-review.com/2012/05/04/health-and-wellness/zumba-class-kellys-perspective

http://motivational-speakers-review.com/2012/04/20/communications/five-golden-words-of-customer-service

http://motivational-speakers-review.com/2012/04/20/communications/so-what-do-you-do-one-simple-question-that-answered-properly-could-help-you-get-more-business

It seems like my career is a series of leaps into the unknown – leaps I chose to make. It is so warm and cozy in this comfort zone – why can’t I stay here for at least a second and enjoy knowing what I’m doing? But, no. I have to raise the bar on myself. Create something different. Jump higher. Dream all over again.

And now I find myself in that scary and lonely place, once again, between the initial excitement of a new idea, and the dream coming true. That place where you realize you can’t go back from here. Where all the vision and passion you once had has fizzled into this giant ball of FEAR. And suddenly your idea doesn’t sound so good anymore. And that little beast jumps on your shoulder and starts reminding you of all the reasons this might not work – and how bad it will be if it doesn’t.

I always hit a moment like this, and that awareness from experience, has taught me to push on in spite of it. But today I want to share this moment with you – just in case you are standing in that place for the first time, and you are scared to death to jump. I am going to tell you what I do to talk myself off the ledge – or rather push myself off the ledge – in the hopes that it’s just what you needed. And, if not, maybe you will share with it someone who does need to hear it.

1. I remind myself that this is normal – that I go through this EVERY time. You know what’s happening. Ignore the feeling. I tell myself.
2. I prepare even more. While preparation doesn’t remove all the risk, it removes a lot of it. And so I double up on preparation, and spend even more time looking at this dream from all angles.
3. I find someone to encourage me. Usually I try to find someone who already knows about this dream – someone who was excited the first time around – to avoid the chance I’ll meet someone who agrees that it’s a dumb idea. I want someone to tell me to jump anyway. I’ve already decided to do it – the time for decision is over. This is the time to find someone to remind me that this is great. Sometimes I will even coach this person by saying, “I need you to tell me this is going to be great. In this one case, I don’t want your honest feedback. I just need your encouragement. Tell me I can do this.” And then I believe them when they do.
4. I play the what if this fails game – sometimes known as at the very least. This is where I actually walk through what would happen if this doesn’t work. The absolute worst case scenario I can imagine. I face it in my head – decide that it’s not so bad – and move forward. And then I say to myself, “Well, at the very least it will turn out like this, and that will be okay too.” This game is a little trickier to understand, so let me give you an example. Let’s say I’m going to do a show where I play my canjo (my new instrument made from a string and one can). I can’t sing. And I can barely play the canjo. And saying it out loud sounds really really stupid. But I still want to do it. So I say to myself, “Well, Kelly, at the very least you’ll have one really stupid moment in your show where the audience thinks you look like an idiot for playing a stupid instrument. And they will love everything but that moment.”  And I realize that I can handle that, because then I say to myself, “But….if it works…it could be really really super cool. And just might be the coolest part of your show. And you won’t know until you try.” And so I try. Which I did, by the way, and I’m pretty sure the audience thought it was stupid. And guess what? I don’t care. I’m assuming that’s what they thought. And even if I’m assuming right, I’m going to try it again. Because I think it’s worth a second shot. And my canjo skills are rapidly improving.
5. And then I MOVE despite my fear. By the time I reach this step I’m still just as afraid as I was at step number one. But I do it anyway. Move. Taking my fear with me. Only now I am in control of it. And so I let it go and think about something else. I have decided to do this, and do it I shall!

So this is me now moving forward. Carrying this fear with me in my bedazzled confidence purse. I’m sure it will have some more to say about all this. It usually does when the dream is really big. I just won’t listen. What about you? Will you jump with me? If you are at that lonely place between the dream’s birth and the dream’s reality – and you’re feeling the fear – take these words I have shared today to heart. The one thing I have learned in every case, was that the jump was worth it, no matter where you land. I’ll be with you every step of the way.

Your wacky motivational speaker who hopes you don’t mind that I said “crap.”
Twice.

Kelly   (PS  Please share this if you think it will help a friend.)

Apparently there are those in our society who feel that mothers who don’t work outside the home don’t have a voice. What could she know? She’s a stay at home mom who never worked a day in her life. This judgment infuriates me. Well, any kind of judgment infuriates me – but especially something so far from the truth. So I feel compelled today to shout out for all the stay at home moms. I have been both a stay at home mom, and a mom who has a job outside of motherhood. I actually run a business from my home – try that for confusing! We need a new word for that.

I do not like the term “working mom” because motherhood, no matter what else you have going, requires a tremendous amount of work. Yes, many mothers check out and shirk even the most basic of mommy duties. But most do not. Most are doing the best they can with what they’ve got, loving their children as much as any other mom. So just because you chose to go get a second job – does not entitle you to ownership of the word “working mom.”

So all of you mothers out there who are surrounded by dirty laundry, changing diapers, driving carpools, and trying to juggle a household – who have felt the sting of another person’s words – belittling you, and telling you that you do not have a say because you are not making a contribution – I would like to share these words of truth.

1. Motherhood is a job. It never stops. You don’t get a break – you are always a mother. You don’t get a paycheck, but you handle new duties every day. Everything is in your job description. You have no guide book or manager to tell you what to do. You don’t get to leave at the end of the day. And you take this job with you on vacation. If you are a mother that has decided to do the job – don’t let anyone ever tell you that it’s not work.

2. Your voice counts. What you think matters. Your vote for who will run this country is JUST AS IMPORTANT as anyone else’s. Let no one tell you that you are unqualified to make those kinds of decisions. You are smarter than most of the people making those decisions. And what you believe, and your principles, hold just as much weight as how many books someone else reads- or who can quote Shakespeare.

3. Your role as a mother has lasting value. Show me a job where people are responsible for molding the future of our country – the next generation. You are there in the most crucial stages of a child’s development. Your care and nurturing will determine a great deal of how that child functions in the world. Their health, their nutrition, their physical well being, their safety, their egos, their view of the world – is in your hands. Again – find me a job where there is more on the line. One day you may enter the workforce and someone may tell you that you have no skills. Perhaps you don’t have the tools they are using in the business world today. But, sister, YOU HAVE SKILLS. You have skills you don’t even know you have. And you got them from being a mother. On the job training.

4. You aren’t perfect. It’s not in your DNA. Humans don’t have the ability to achieve perfection. We will always fall short. You will have days where you get it right, and days where you get it wrong. Forgive yourself and celebrate what you are doing well. And understand that there is always an element of your child’s development and life that you can’t control. The hardest part of motherhood is letting go and letting our children live for themselves. The choices they make are not your fault.

5. Nobody can demean you without your permission. Can’t remember who said that, but it’s true. There will always be someone (shame on them) who will turn up their nose at you because you are “just as mom.” Apparently society has continued to devalue the roles of parents – and I’m not sure we can turn that train around. But you can let their comments roll off your back like water off a duck. You can choose to find self value and self worth even in the face of those who seek to demean it. And your ability to do this – and have your children see it – is one of the greatest gifts you can give to them. For our children must also learn to find value in themselves without needing others to give it to them.

6. Pay it forward. Motherhood can be a lonely place – where you are desperate to have someone to confide in, network in, share your challenges and triumphs. So go find that lonely mom out there and reach out. Encourage each other. Support each other. Stand together. You shouldn’t have to go this alone.

7. This all goes for stay at home Dads too – who are just as important, and may face even more negativity in our society. More and more fathers are choosing to stay at home with their children. You go Dad!

8. Turn about is fair play. Just as we should cherish and support our stay-at-home moms – we should cherish and support our mothers who have taken a second job. It is not our job to judge or determine what is the right way to raise children. Just what is OUR right way. So don’t turn around and point the finger at another mother because she chose a different path. And to all you mothers who have a second job – you are just as good a mom as those who don’t. Never let someone tell you that you shirked your responsibility as a parent. Hold your head high. YOU choose your priorities. YOU choose what’s best for your family. YOU choose what’s important. Now stand tall in your own beliefs. And don’t look at me to determine your worth.

Okay. I’m done. I hope this post brings mothers of all kinds a little encouragement and hope. And even more – that from now on, they won’t need a post to feel good about themselves.

Please share this with moms you know who may need to hear it.

Your wacky motivational speaker stay at home mom who works at home,

Kelly Swanson

http://motivational-speakers-review.com/2012/04/05/building-relationships/whos-in-your-inner-circle