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The Paradox of Wanting Love But Staying Single

You want a relationship. You’ve wanted one for a while now. You download the apps, go on dates, maybe even meet someone promising. But somehow, it never quite develops into the lasting partnership you’re looking for.

The conversations fade. The connection doesn’t deepen. You find yourself back at square one, wondering what went wrong.

After a while, you start asking yourself harder questions: What’s wrong with me? Why is everyone else finding relationships except me? Am I too picky? Not trying hard enough?

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. A significant number of gay men find themselves in this exact position—wanting love but remaining single year after year. And if prolonged singleness is contributing to struggling with loneliness, that compounds the challenge even further.

This isn’t about you being defective or difficult. It’s about navigating a set of barriers that most people don’t face—and doing it without many of the tools that others take for granted.

Growing Up Without a Relationship Roadmap

Here’s something most gay men don’t think about: you likely grew up without seeing yourself reflected in any relationship models.

Straight children watch their parents navigate a partnership. They see their friends’ parents work through conflict, celebrate anniversaries, and share household responsibilities. They watch romantic comedies where people who look like them fall in love. They absorb thousands of small lessons about what relationships look like, how they function, and what’s normal.

Gay men? Most of us got none of that.

You might have come out in your twenties or thirties, which means you spent your formative years without any roadmap for gay relationships. You never saw how two men build a life together, how they handle conflict, how they create intimacy that lasts beyond the initial attraction. Without examples of what healthy gay relationships look like, many men feel like they’re building something from scratch.

This creates a genuine skills gap—not a character flaw.

You might be exceptional at friendship. You probably know how to date and how to have sex. But building emotional intimacy in a romantic partnership? That’s different. And if you’ve never seen it modeled, the steps aren’t intuitive.

In my practice, I often see men who are deeply connected to their friends but struggle to translate those skills into romantic relationships. They don’t know how to move from casual dating to deeper commitment because they’ve never witnessed that progression unfold.

The Impact of Growing Up Different

There’s another layer to this: the emotional impact of growing up gay in a predominantly straight world.

Many gay men spent years hiding parts of themselves to feel safe or accepted. You learned early that being fully yourself could lead to rejection, bullying, or worse. So you developed protective strategies—you became independent, self-sufficient, careful about who you let in.

Those strategies kept you safe. But they also shaped how you approach intimacy now.

The coming out process often happens later in life for gay men, which means you may be learning relationship skills in your twenties or thirties that straight people developed in adolescence.

When you’ve spent years protecting yourself from rejection, letting someone truly see you can feel terrifying—even when it’s exactly what you want. Opening up, being vulnerable, admitting you need someone? That goes against everything you learned about survival.

This creates what I call “defensive independence.” You appear self-reliant and together on the surface, but underneath, you struggle to let anyone get close enough to really know you.

Wanting a relationship and being emotionally available for one aren’t the same thing. And if you’ve spent your life guarding yourself, developing that availability takes intentional work.

How Gay Dating Culture Makes Partnership Harder

Even if you’ve done the internal work, you’re still navigating a dating culture that makes partnership formation genuinely difficult.

Dating apps have created a paradox of choice. You can scroll through dozens of profiles in minutes, seeing an endless stream of possibilities. While this seems like it should make dating easier, research shows the opposite: too many options make commitment harder. There’s always someone else who might be more compatible, more attractive, more interesting.

This creates a commodification effect. People become profiles. Rejections feel personal even though they’re often arbitrary. You might match with someone, have a decent conversation, meet once, and then… nothing. They ghost. You ghost. Everyone’s always looking for something better.

The hookup culture itself isn’t the problem—casual sex is fine if that’s what you want. But if you’re trying to build emotional intimacy, starting with sex-first dynamics can make that harder. You skip over the slower steps of getting to know someone, building trust, and revealing yourself gradually. Building emotional intimacy requires different skills than casual dating, and many gay men struggle with this transition.

Add to this the lack of clear dating scripts. Straight people have cultural templates: asking someone out, going on dates, and the exclusivity conversation. Gay men? We’re often making it up as we go. When do you have the “what are we?” conversation? How many dates before you’re actually dating? It’s all ambiguous, which creates anxiety and confusion.

I see men in my practice who are exhausted from this cycle. They’re seeking emotional connection through a medium largely designed for instant physical connection. And they wonder why they keep ending up disappointed.

When Internal Meets External: The Compounding Effect

Here’s where it gets challenging: internal barriers meet external obstacles, and they reinforce each other.

The apps make you feel replaceable, which triggers old wounds about not being enough. That triggers your protective strategies, so you withdraw emotionally or avoid vulnerability. Which means the connection doesn’t deepen. Which means you stay single longer. Which confirms your fear that something’s wrong with you.

This isn’t about blame. You’re not failing at relationships.

You’re navigating a uniquely challenging landscape without the tools most people take for granted. You’re trying to build partnership skills you never learned, while managing the emotional impact of growing up different, all within a dating culture that prioritises instant connection over gradual intimacy.

That’s genuinely hard. And it’s not your fault.

Gay relationship counselling can help you identify and work through these patterns in a supportive environment.

Moving Towards What You Actually Want

If you’re reading this and recognising yourself, that awareness is valuable. Understanding what makes gay partnership formation difficult doesn’t solve everything overnight, but it does shift the question.

Instead of “What’s wrong with me?” you can ask: “What skills do I need to develop? What patterns am I repeating? Where am I protecting myself in ways that no longer serve me?”

Building the capacity for lasting partnership is possible. It often starts with small shifts:

Learning to be vulnerable in low-stakes ways. Examining your dating patterns honestly. Recognising when you’re running protective strategies that keep people at arm’s length. Understanding that emotional intimacy is built gradually, not discovered instantly.

Sometimes this work is easier with support. Working with an LGBTQI+ therapist who understands these unique challenges can provide the space to explore these patterns without judgment. Therapy can provide the space to explore these patterns without judgement, to develop the relationship skills you didn’t learn growing up, and to work through the internal barriers that keep you stuck.

The question isn’t whether you’re capable of a lasting relationship. You are. The question is: what support do you need to get there?

Are you an LGBTQIA+ person who is struggling in your life or relationships?

If so, contact me at Sydney Gay Counselling for a free 15-minute phone or Zoom inquiry call or book an appointment online.

The post Why Are So Many Gay Men Single? Understanding the Real Barriers appeared first on Sydney Gay Counselling.

Have you ever felt a deep, persistent discomfort between the gender you were assigned at birth and the way you experience your own identity? This experience, often profound and distressing, is known as gender dysphoria. 

It’s not merely about challenging social norms or expressing a desire to be different; it’s a genuine psychological condition where the mismatch between one’s experienced or expressed gender and one’s assigned gender leads to significant emotional distress.

In today’s society, understanding gender dysphoria is more crucial than ever. As conversations around gender identity become more prominent, it’s vital to foster an environment of empathy, respect, and support. Gender identity refers to a person’s psychological sense of identity.

Misconceptions and stigma can lead to real harm, making an already challenging journey even more difficult for those affected. By educating ourselves and others, we contribute to a more inclusive and understanding community.

In this blog post, we’ll delve deep into what gender dysphoria is, its symptoms, causes, and the impact it can have on mental and physical health. We’ll also explore strategies for navigation and management, treatment options, and how to support someone experiencing gender dysphoria. 

Whether you’re trying to understand your feelings, support a loved one, or educate yourself, this guide aims to provide a comprehensive insight into the complex reality of gender dysphoria.

Understanding Gender Dysphoria

At its core, gender dysphoria is a condition marked by a profound sense of discomfort or distress caused by a discrepancy between a person’s inner gender identity and the gender they were assigned at birth. 

This mismatch can affect your emotional, psychological, and social well-being, leading to significant distress. It’s important to note that gender dysphoria is not about the superficial aspects of gender roles or societal expectations; it’s deeply rooted in an individual’s intrinsic understanding of their own gender identity.

Differences Between Gender Dysphoria and Transgender Identity

A common area of confusion is the distinction between gender dysphoria and being transgender. While these terms are sometimes used interchangeably, they refer to different concepts. 

Being transgender is an identity term that describes a person whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. Not all transgender people experience gender dysphoria, and conversely, not all individuals with gender dysphoria identify as transgender. 

Gender dysphoria specifically refers to the distress or discomfort that can accompany the incongruence between one’s experienced gender and assigned gender, whereas being transgender focuses more on the identity aspect rather than the emotional distress.

Common Misconceptions and Myths About Gender Dysphoria

Several myths and misconceptions about gender dysphoria persist, often fuelled by misinformation and societal stigma. Here are a few key ones debunked:

1. Misconception: Gender dysphoria is a choice.

•  Reality: Gender dysphoria is not a choice but a recognised psychological condition. Individuals do not choose to feel discomfort with their assigned gender; these feelings are inherent and deeply felt.

2. Misconception: Gender dysphoria is the same as being gay.

• Reality: Gender dysphoria relates to one’s gender identity and the distress associated with the mismatch between assigned and experienced gender. Sexual orientation, on the other hand, pertains to who you’re attracted to. They are distinct aspects of your identity.

3. Misconception: Gender dysphoria can be “cured” with enough therapy or willpower.

• Reality: Gender dysphoria is not something that can be “cured.” Treatment focuses on alleviating distress through supportive measures, which may include gender-affirming treatments. It’s about aligning your external life and body with your true gender identity to reduce or eliminate the distress caused by the dysphoria.

Symptoms and Diagnosis

The experience of gender dysphoria varies greatly among individuals, encompassing a range of physical, emotional, and behavioural symptoms. It’s crucial to acknowledge that not all individuals with gender dysphoria or gender identity disorder will experience all these symptoms, and their intensity can vary.

Physical Symptoms may include a profound discomfort with your body, particularly with physical characteristics that align with your sex assigned at birth. This discomfort can manifest as a strong desire to remove or alter these physical sex characteristics through methods such as binding, padding, or seeking medical interventions like hormone therapy or surgery.

Emotional and Psychological Symptoms are often at the core of gender dysphoria, manifesting as intense feelings of dissatisfaction, sadness, or restlessness. This emotional distress is directly linked to the incongruence between your experienced gender and your physical or social roles. Symptoms can include depression, anxiety, isolation, low self-esteem, and even thoughts of self-harm or suicide.

Behavioural Symptoms might include strongly rejecting typical toys, activities, or clothing traditionally associated with your assigned gender. You may insist on dressing in clothes that match your gender identity or may express a strong desire to participate in activities typically associated with the opposite sex. In children, this can be seen in a strong resistance to wearing what are considered “appropriate” clothes or participating in “appropriate” activities.

Diagnosis by Professionals

Diagnosis of gender dysphoria is a careful and considered process, typically undertaken by a mental health professional such as a psychiatrist. 

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), provides specific criteria for the diagnosis of gender dysphoria. These criteria differ slightly for children, adolescents, and adults. Here is a summary:

For Children:

A diagnosis of gender dysphoria in children requires a marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, lasting at least 6 months, manifested by at least six of the following (one of which must be Criterion A1):

For Adolescents and Adults:

A diagnosis of gender dysphoria for adolescents and adults requires a marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, lasting at least 6 months, manifested by at least two of the following:

In both children and adults, the condition must be associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, school, or other important areas of functioning to meet the diagnosis of gender dysphoria.

During the diagnostic process, professionals conduct thorough interviews, assessments, and discussions to understand the individual’s experiences and feelings. It’s a sensitive process that aims to differentiate gender dysphoria from other conditions and to understand the depth and persistence of gender incongruence.

The Importance of Professional Diagnosis and the Dangers of Self-Diagnosis

Seeking a professional diagnosis is crucial for several reasons. Firstly, it ensures you receive the correct support and treatment. Gender dysphoria can be complex, and a professional can help navigate the associated challenges, including advising on appropriate treatment options and support networks.

A professional diagnosis also helps to differentiate gender dysphoria from other mental health conditions that might have similar symptoms, such as depression or anxiety disorders. This is crucial for ensuring that all aspects of your mental health are appropriately addressed.

Self-diagnosis, while understandable in a context where you’re trying to understand your feelings, can be problematic. It might lead to misidentification of your condition, resulting in inappropriate or ineffective coping strategies. It can also delay the receipt of proper support and treatment, which can exacerbate distress and lead to other mental health issues.

In essence, while self-awareness and self-exploration are important, they should be complemented with professional guidance to ensure a comprehensive understanding and appropriate management of gender dysphoria.

Causes and Contributing Factors

The exact causes of gender dysphoria are complex and not fully understood. Current research suggests that a combination of biological, psychological, and social factors contribute to the development of gender dysphoria. It’s crucial to acknowledge that the understanding of these causes is evolving, reflecting ongoing research and changing societal attitudes.

Biological Factors

Studies indicate that biological elements, including genetic influences, hormonal balances, and brain structure, might play a role in gender identity and, by extension, gender dysphoria. For instance, variations in hormone exposure during fetal development have been hypothesised to influence gender identity. Additionally, some research has pointed to differences in certain areas of the brain between transgender individuals and those who are not transgender, suggesting a biological underpinning to gender identity.

Psychological Factors

Psychological theories have explored the development of gender identity as a complex interplay between an individual’s innate predispositions and their environment. Early childhood experiences, family dynamics, and interpersonal relationships can influence one’s understanding and expression of gender. However, it’s important to note that psychological factors do not imply that gender dysphoria is a ‘choice‘ or merely a psychological ‘issue’ but rather that an individual’s psychological makeup can influence their experience of gender.

Social Factors

Societal attitudes, cultural norms, and personal interactions can significantly impact one’s experience of gender dysphoria. Stigma, discrimination, and non-acceptance can exacerbate feelings of alienation and discomfort. Conversely, supportive and affirming environments can alleviate the distress associated with gender dysphoria. The social model looks at how societal constructs around gender can contribute to the distress experienced by transgender and non-binary individuals.

Debunking Myths about the “Causes” of Gender Dysphoria

Several myths surrounding the causes of gender dysphoria persist, often rooted in misinformation and prejudice. It’s essential to address and debunk these myths:

1. Myth: Gender dysphoria is caused by a traumatic event or poor parenting.

•  Reality: There is no evidence to support that traumatic events or parenting styles cause gender dysphoria. Gender identity is a deeply ingrained aspect of self that is not ‘taught’ or ‘imposed’ by external factors.

2. Myth: Gender dysphoria is a trend or influenced by peers or media.

• Reality: Gender dysphoria is not a social trend or the result of peer influence. While increased media representation can help individuals understand and articulate their feelings, it does not ‘create’ gender dysphoria.

3. Myth: Gender dysphoria can be prevented or ‘cured.’

• Reality: Gender dysphoria is not an illness that needs to be cured or prevented. The focus should be on alleviating the distress through supportive and affirming care rather than attempting to change an individual’s gender identity.

Understanding the multifaceted causes of gender dysphoria requires a nuanced and compassionate approach. It involves recognising the inherent complexities of human gender identity and respecting the experiences of those who live with gender dysphoria. By challenging misconceptions and supporting ongoing research, we can foster a more inclusive and understanding society.

Impact on Mental and Physical Health

Gender dysphoria can have profound effects on both your mental and physical health, influencing your overall well-being. Understanding these impacts is crucial for providing appropriate support and care.

Psychological Impact of Gender Dysphoria

The psychological toll of gender dysphoria is significant, as the distress from feeling a mismatch between your experienced and assigned gender can lead to various mental health challenges:

1. Anxiety and Depression: If you experience gender dysphoria, you may often experience heightened levels of anxiety and depression. This can stem from the internal conflict of gender identity, societal stigma, or experiences of discrimination and rejection.

2. Low Self-esteem and Body Image Issues: Persistent discomfort with your body can severely impact self-esteem and lead to negative body image, further exacerbating feelings of alienation and unhappiness.

3. Social Isolation and Loneliness: The fear of not being accepted can lead to your withdrawal from social situations, resulting in isolation and loneliness, which can, in turn, escalate mental health issues.

4. Suicidal Thoughts and Behaviors: Tragically, the distress caused by gender dysphoria can lead to an increased risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviours. This underscores the critical need for supportive and affirming care for individuals experiencing gender dysphoria.

Physical Health Concerns and Risks Associated with Gender Dysphoria

In addition to mental health concerns, gender dysphoria can impact physical health in various ways:

1. Health Neglect: You may neglect your preventive healthcare and medical needs due to fear of discrimination or negative experiences with healthcare providers.

2. Risky Behaviors: You may engage in risky behaviours, such as substance abuse or unsafe sex, as a coping mechanism or due to decreased self-care.

3. Hormone Therapy and Surgery Risks: While hormone therapy and gender-affirming surgery can be vital for alleviating gender dysphoria, they also carry potential risks and side effects. These should be managed with careful medical supervision.

The Importance of Mental and Physical Healthcare in Managing Gender Dysphoria

Navigating gender dysphoria involves employing various strategies to manage symptoms and enhance your overall well-being. This journey is deeply personal and can vary significantly from one individual to another. However, certain approaches have been found universally beneficial in managing the challenges associated with gender dysphoria.

Addressing the mental and physical health impacts of gender dysphoria requires comprehensive and affirming healthcare:

Mental Health Support

Access to mental health professionals who are knowledgeable about gender dysphoria is crucial. Therapy with an LGBTQIA+ administrative therapist, support groups, and other mental health services can provide essential support and coping strategies.

Engaging with therapists or counsellors who specialise in gender issues can provide valuable guidance and coping strategies. They can assist in exploring your gender identity and gender expression, dealing with dysphoria, and planning steps towards transition if desired.

Affirming Medical Care

Healthcare providers should offer non-judgmental, gender-affirming care. This includes respecting your gender identity and pronouns, providing access to hormone therapy and gender-affirming surgeries such as sex reassignment surgery when appropriate, and addressing any physical health issues without bias.

Holistic Approach

Managing gender dysphoria effectively involves a holistic approach that addresses both mental and physical health needs. This includes fostering a supportive environment, whether at home, school, or work, and ensuring access to comprehensive healthcare services.

Education and Advocacy

Educating healthcare providers, family members, and the public about gender dysphoria and its impacts can lead to greater understanding and acceptance, reducing stigma and improving the overall well-being of those affected.

Peer Support

Joining support groups, either in-person or online, can offer a sense of community and understanding. Sharing experiences with others who have similar stories can reduce feelings of isolation and provide practical advice for dealing with dysphoria.

Educating Yourself and Others

Learning about gender identity, gender dysphoria, and transition options can empower you and help you make informed decisions. Additionally, educating those around you can foster a supportive environment and reduce instances of misunderstanding or discrimination.

Expressing Gender Identity

Finding safe ways to express your gender identity, such as through clothing, hairstyle, or pronouns, can significantly alleviate feelings of dysphoria. It’s important you do this at a pace that feels comfortable and in environments that are safe and affirming.

Mindfulness and Self-care

Practicing mindfulness, meditation, or engaging in activities that promote relaxation can help manage the stress and anxiety associated with gender dysphoria. Regular self-care is crucial for maintaining mental and physical health.

The Role of Support Systems: Family, Friends, and Community

A robust support system plays a crucial role in navigating gender dysphoria successfully:

1. Family Support: Supportive family members can provide a vital safety net. Open communication and education can help families understand and affirm your gender identity, significantly reducing emotional distress.

2. Friendship Networks: Friends who are accepting and understanding can provide you emotional support, validation, and a sense of belonging. Building friendships with others who respect and affirm one’s gender identity is essential.

3. Community Resources: Connecting with the broader LGBTQ+ community, whether through local organisations, events, or online platforms, can provide additional support and resources. Community connections can offer insights into navigating legal, medical, and social challenges associated with gender dysphoria.

4. Educational and Workplace Support: Advocating for inclusive policies and practices in educational institutions and workplaces can create environments where you can express your gender identity freely and safely.

By implementing these strategies and leveraging support systems, individuals navigating gender dysphoria can find pathways to greater well-being and fulfilment. It’s about finding the right balance and resources that cater to one’s unique circumstances and needs.

Creating an Inclusive and Supportive Environment

Creating an environment that respects and affirms individuals with gender dysphoria is crucial for their mental and emotional well-being. Here are some tips for families, friends, and colleagues to foster such an environment:

1. Educate Yourself: Learn about gender dysphoria, transgender issues, and the spectrum of gender identity. Understanding the basics can help avoid unintentional harm and improve your ability to provide support.

2. Use Respectful Language and Pronouns: Always use the name and pronouns that the person prefers. If you’re unsure, politely ask. Using the correct pronouns is a basic form of respect and can significantly impact a person’s well-being.

3. Listen and Offer Support: Be there to listen without judgment. Support can also be practical, such as accompanying them to appointments or helping them navigate social and legal transitions.

4. Challenge Discrimination: Stand up against transphobia and transphobic remarks and actions. Creating a safe environment means actively working to eliminate prejudice and discrimination.

5. Resources for Further Education and Support: Encourage the use of resources like support groups, counselling services, and educational materials to better understand and cope with gender dysphoria.

Conclusion

Throughout this post, we’ve explored the nature of gender dysphoria, its symptoms and diagnosis, its causes, and its impacts on mental and physical health. We’ve also discussed strategies for navigating gender dysphoria and the importance of creating supportive environments.

Empathy, understanding, and ongoing education are key to supporting individuals experiencing gender dysphoria. Everyone must contribute to an atmosphere of acceptance and support, allowing individuals to express their true selves without fear of judgment or discrimination.

If you or someone you know is struggling with gender dysphoria, it’s important to seek professional help. Additionally, offering your support and promoting awareness and understanding can make a significant difference in someone’s life.

Let’s all strive to learn more, offer our support, and advocate for a world that respects and affirms all gender identities.

Resources and Further Reading (Australia)

For those seeking information and support on gender dysphoria in Australia, here are some valuable resources:

• QLife Australia: A nationwide counselling and referral service for LGBTQ+ people. QLife provides nationwide teleweb support to help individuals with various issues, including gender identity. 
• A Gender Agenda: An organisation that provides support, information, and advocacy for all intersex, transgender, and gender-diverse people. 
• Transcend Australia: A support network for transgender children and their families in Australia. Transcend offers resources, information, and peer support for navigating gender identity and the challenges that may arise. 
• The Gender Centre: An organisation that provides a wide range of services to people with gender issues, their partners, family members, and friends in New South Wales. The Gender Centre offers counselling, support groups, and information. 
• Minus18: A youth-led organization for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and trans youth in Australia. It provides articles, information, and events. 
• Black Rainbow: Supporting Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander LGBTQ+ people through community projects and initiatives. 

These resources can provide support, information, and a sense of community for those experiencing gender dysphoria, as well as for their families and friends. Educational materials and guides available through these organizations can also assist allies in becoming more informed and supportive.

Are you an LGBTQIA+ person who is struggling in your life or relationships?

If so, contact me at Sydney Gay Counselling at (02) 8968 9323 for a free 15-minute phone or Zoom inquiry call or book an appointment online.

The post From Confusion to Clarity: A Guide for Demystifying Gender Dysphoria appeared first on Sydney Gay Counselling.

In a world where acceptance and understanding are not always guaranteed, the importance of LGBT support services cannot be overstated. These services offer more than just advice and LGBT counselling; they provide a sanctuary as you navigate the complexities of identity, relationships, and societal pressures. For many LGBT communities, these organisations are a lifeline, offering you a sense of belonging, understanding, and empowerment.

As an LGBTQIA+ therapist who provides online therapy to LGBT people across Australia, I often refer clients to these vital national services, some of which are a specialist public health service. The purpose of this post is to illuminate the diverse range of support services available to you in Australia. 

Whether you’re seeking emotional support, seeking community connection, or needing legal advice, there is a service out there to assist you. By providing a comprehensive guide to these resources, I aim to empower you with the information necessary to find the support and community you require.

This post is not just a directory; it’s a starting point for your journey towards healing, growth, and connection within the vibrant tapestry of the LGBT community in Australia.

The Types and Benefits of LGBT Support Services

LGBT support services offer a multitude of benefits that cater to the different needs and challenges faced by the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and gender-diverse community. Understanding these benefits can help you realise the full potential of seeking support and engaging with these resources.

Emotional and Psychological Support

One of the core offerings of LGBT support services is emotional and psychological support for LGBTQIA+ people. Navigating your identity, relationships, or experiences of discrimination and stigma can be profoundly challenging. 

These services provide a safe and confidential space to express your feelings, fears, and hopes with therapists, counsellors, or peer support groups who understand and empathise with your experiences. This mental health support can significantly reduce feelings of isolation, anxiety, and depression, fostering a sense of well-being and resilience.

Trained professionals, who are often part of the LGBT community themselves or have specialised training in lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender issues, deliver these services. When you find a gay therapist, they will provide a safe, confidential, and non-judgmental space to explore your feelings and experiences.

Community and Belonging

When I ran my gay men’s group in Sydney, one of the most common themes I heard from the group members was loneliness and isolation. Many of the men felt they didn’t belong to a community or had friends they could truly rely upon.

Feeling part of a community can significantly impact your mental health and overall well-being. LGBT support services often facilitate social groups, events, and workshops that allow you to meet others with similar experiences and backgrounds. This sense of belonging and acceptance is invaluable, providing a network of support and friendship that can uplift and sustain you through life’s challenges and celebrations.

From social meet-ups and support groups to cultural and recreational activities, these networks allow you to engage with your community, build friendships, and find peer support.

Additionally, gender-diverse advocacy is an essential part of this ecosystem, advocating for the rights and visibility of gender-diverse individuals and providing platforms for them to voice their experiences and challenges. The most important thing is to find a well-being support service established for your specific needs.

Health and Wellness Services

LGBT health and wellness services are dedicated to addressing the unique health needs of the community, including sexual health, HIV/AIDS support, gender-affirming care for gender-diverse children, and mental health services. These services aim to provide accessible, inclusive, and affirming healthcare options for LGBT individuals, ensuring that everyone has access to the care they need without fear of discrimination or misunderstanding.

For my Sydney clients who need to speak with a doctor, I often refer them to a well-known LGBTQIA+ medical clinic because I know they will get fantastic medical care and attention from doctors who understand and work within the LGBT community.

Advocacy and Rights Protection

LGBT support services play a crucial role in advocating for the rights and protection of LGBT individuals. Many organisations work tirelessly to challenge discrimination, lobby for equal rights, and provide legal support to those who face injustice.

These services offer legal advice, representation, and advocacy on discrimination, employment rights, family law, and gender recognition. They also work at a broader level to advocate for policy changes and legal reforms that advance the rights and equality of LGBT individuals in Australia.

By connecting with these services, you can find support in addressing discrimination and understanding your rights, ensuring you are treated fairly and respectfully in all aspects of your life.

Educational and Employment Resources

Access to education and employment resources is vital for the empowerment and economic well-being of LGBT individuals. Various organisations offer programs and resources to support LGBT people in education and the workplace. This includes anti-bullying initiatives, diversity and inclusion training, scholarship opportunities, and career mentoring. These resources are designed to create more inclusive and supportive environments where LGBT individuals can thrive academically and professionally.

State-wide Directory of LGBT Support Services in Australia

New South Wales (NSW):

• Twenty10: Provides support services and social spaces for young LGBTQIA+ people. https://www.twenty10.org.au
• ACON: Focuses on HIV prevention and support, as well as LGBTQIA+ health and wellbeing. https://www.acon.org.au
• TransHub: Offers resources, support, and information for the transgender community. www.transhub.org.au
• The Gender Centre: Assists people with gender issues, offering a wide range of services and support. https://gendercentre.org.au
• The Inner City Legal Centre: Provides free legal services, especially focusing on LGBTQIA+ community issues. https://www.iclc.org.au
• Rainbow Families: Dedicated to supporting and connecting LGBTQIA+ families and prospective parents through resources, events, and advocacy. https://www.rainbowfamilies.com.au/
• Sydney Queer Muslims Inc: Offers support and community for LGBTQIA+ Muslims in Sydney.
  https://sydneyqueermuslims.org.au

Victoria (VIC):

• Switchboard: Offers phone and web-based counselling and referral services for the LGBTQIA+ community. https://www.switchboard.org.au/
• Rainbow Door: Provides free support, information, and referral services for LGBTQIA+ Victorians. https://www.rainbowdoor.org.au/
• Thorne Harbour Health: Focuses on health and wellbeing services for the LGBTQIA+ communities. https://thorneharbour.org
• Transgender Victoria: Advocates for and supports the rights and well-being of trans and gender-diverse people. https://tgv.org.au
• Equinox: Provides transgender and gender-diverse health services as part of Thorne Harbour Health. https://equinox.org.au

Queensland (QLD):

• Diverse Voices: A non-profit organisation providing peer-based support for LGBTQIA+ people. https://www.diversevoices.org.au
• Queensland Council for LGBTI Health: Focuses on the health and wellbeing of LGBTQIA+ Queenslanders. https://www.quac.org.au
• Open Doors Youth Service: Offers support services specifically for young LGBTQIA+ individuals. https://www.opendoors.net.au
• LGBTI Legal Service: Provides free legal advice and assistance for LGBTI community members. https://www.lgbtilegalservice.org.au

Western Australia (WA):

• Living Proud: Provides support, information, and resources for the LGBTQIA+ community. https://www.livingproud.org.au
• The WA AIDS Council: Offers health and wellbeing services, focusing on HIV/AIDS. https://waaids.com
• MClinic: A sexual health clinic specifically for men who have sex with men. https://www.mclinic.org.au
• The Freedom Centre: Offers support and networking for young LGBTQIA+ people. https://www.freedom.org.au
• TransFolk of WA: Provides support and advocacy for trans and gender-diverse people. https://www.transfolkofwa.org
• GRAI: Supports older LGBTQIA+ individuals through advocacy, support, and research. https://grai.org.au

South Australia (SA):

• Shine SA: Provides sexual health services and support for all South Australians. https://www.shinesa.org.au
• Trans Health South Australia: Offers support and resources for transgender and non-binary people. https://www.transhealthsa.com
• South Australian Rainbow Advocacy Alliance: Advocates for the rights of LGBTQIA+ South Australians. https://www.saraa.org.au
• BeFriend South Australia: A service offering support and companionship to reduce social isolation. https://www.unitingcommunities.org

Tasmania (TAS):

• Working it Out: Provides support, education, and resources for LGBTQIA+ Tasmanians. https://www.workingitout.org.au

Northern Territory (NT):

• Northern Territory AIDS and Hepatitis Council: Focuses on the health and wellbeing of communities impacted by HIV and Hepatitis. https://www.ntahc.org.au

Australian Capital Territory (ACT):

• A Gender Agenda: Supports intersex, transgender, and gender-diverse people. https://genderrights.org.au
• Meridian Wellbeing Services: Health and wellbeing services focusing on the LGBTQIA+ community. https://meridianact.org.au

How to Choose the Right LGBT Support Service for You

Finding the right support service is crucial in your journey for help, understanding, and community. Here’s a guide to help you choose the best fit for your needs:

Understanding Different Services and What They Offer

Specialisation: Different services specialise in various areas such as mental health, legal aid, housing, HIV prevention, sexuality support, education programs, or other health services. Some offer free and confidential counselling or a referral service to the best organisation for you. Determine what kind of support you are seeking.

Target Group: Some organizations cater specifically to certain groups within the LGBT community, such as trans and gender-diverse youth, transgender individuals, or people living with HIV. Look for a service that aligns with your identity.

Service Delivery: Services can be provided in person, online, or via phone. Consider which mode of delivery you prefer and what fits best with your lifestyle and comfort level.

Assessing Your Own Needs and Preferences

Identify Your Needs: Reflect on what you are looking for – emotional support, advice on legal matters, medical consultation, or community connection. This will help narrow down the type of service you require.

Privacy and Confidentiality: Determine your comfort level with sharing personal information and ensure the service you choose respects and protects your privacy.

Location and Accessibility: If you prefer in-person meetings, look for services that are accessible to you. Consider travel time, physical accessibility, and service hours.

Contacting and Engaging with Services

Initial Contact: Write down your questions and concerns for your first contact. Be clear about what you are seeking from the service.

Ask Questions: Don’t hesitate to ask about their confidentiality policies, the qualifications of their staff, and what you can expect from their services.

Engagement: Give yourself time to engage with the service. Building trust and rapport takes time. However, if you feel the service is not the right fit, it’s okay to look for another option.

Feedback and Communication: Provide feedback about your experiences and communicate any changes in your needs or circumstances. This helps the service better cater to your needs and improve their support.

Choosing the right support service can make a significant difference in your well-being and journey. Remember, it’s okay to take your time to find the best fit for you, and it’s okay to change services if your needs or circumstances change.

Getting Involved and Contributing to the Community

Engaging with and contributing to the LGBTQIA community can be a rewarding experience that helps foster a sense of belonging, solidarity, and purpose. Here are some ways you can get involved and make a difference:

Volunteering Opportunities

Local LGBT Organizations: Many LGBT support services and community groups, such as The Ankali Project or Bobby Goldsmith Foundation rely on volunteers to run their programs and events. Offering your time and skills can significantly impact your local community.

Pride Events: Volunteering at pride parades such as Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras, festivals, and other events is a great way to meet people, support visibility, and contribute to celebrating diversity.

Mentorship Programs: Consider becoming a mentor for younger or less experienced members of the community who might benefit from your guidance, understanding, and support.

Donation and Support Options

Financial Support: Donations to LGBT charities, non-profits, and service organizations help fund vital services and advocacy efforts. Even small contributions can make a big difference.

Resource Donation: Many organisations also appreciate donations of goods or services, whether professional expertise, clothing for those in need, or items for charity auctions and fundraisers.

Spread Awareness: Use your voice on social media or within your network to support LGBT causes, promote events, and educate others about the importance of equality and inclusion.

Community Events and Initiatives

Participation: Attend workshops, meetings, social events, LGBT sporting groups , and other community activities. Participation not only supports the organisers and the community at large but also enriches your own experience and understanding.

Organise Events: If you have the capacity and interest, consider organising your community events. This could range from social gatherings and educational workshops to fundraising events.

Advocacy and Campaigns: Get involved in advocacy campaigns or community initiatives that address issues facing the LGBT community. These can include everything from local community projects to nationwide advocacy efforts.

Getting involved in the LGBTQIA community can be a fulfilling way to support others while also growing personally. Whether volunteering, donating, or participating in community events, every contribution counts towards building a more inclusive and supportive society.

Conclusion

Accessing support within the LGBT community is not just about finding help in times of crisis; it’s about building a network of understanding, acceptance, and mutual respect. Whether you’re seeking emotional support, legal advice, or simply a sense of community, there are numerous services and groups ready to welcome you with open arms.

As an LGBTQIA+ therapist, I’ve seen first-hand the positive impact that these services can have on individuals’ lives, and I strongly encourage you to reach out and engage with the resources available to you.

Remember, seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. You are not alone in your journey, and there is a whole community ready to stand with you. Whether you’re looking for advice, friendship, or just a listening ear, there’s a place for you within the LGBTQIA community.

Additional Resources

For further reading and research, consider exploring the following links:

• LGBT Health: https://www.lgbthealth.org.au – Offers a comprehensive range of health services and resources to support the well-being of the LGBTQIA+ community.
• QLife: https://www.qlife.org.au – A national service for LGBT individuals providing peer support and referral.
• ReachOut: https://au.reachout.com – Offers support and information for those under 25 in Australia.

Hotlines and Emergency Contact Information

• Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14 – A national charity providing all Australians experiencing emotional distress with access to 24-hour free telephone counselling, crisis support, and suicide prevention services.
• QLife: 1800 184 527 (3 pm–midnight every day) – Provides nationwide telephone and web-based services to support LGBT people of all ages.
• Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800—This is a free, private, and confidential phone and online counselling service for young people aged 5 to 25 in Australia.
• Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 – Provides information and support to help everyone in Australia achieve their best mental health.

Remember, it’s okay to seek help, and there are many people and organisations dedicated to providing the support you need. Don’t hesitate to reach out.

Are you an LGBTQIA+ person who is struggling in your life or relationships?

If so, contact me at Sydney Gay Counselling at (02) 8968 9323 to find out how I can help or book an appointment online.

The post Finding Your Tribe: A Directory of LGBT Support Services in Australia appeared first on Sydney Gay Counselling.

In a society that often imposes rigid norms and expectations, navigating your identity can be a complex and challenging journey. This is particularly true for individuals who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual or questioning (LGBTQIA+). Fortunately, LGBT therapy can serve as a valuable resource in supporting self-discovery and personal growth for the LGBTQIA+ community.

LGBTQIA+ therapy provides a safe and non-judgmental space where you can explore and understand your true self. It offers a unique opportunity to address the specific challenges faced by those who identify as LGBTQIA+, such as coming out, self-acceptance, discrimination, and societal pressure.

By providing guidance, acceptance, and validation, therapists specialising in LGBTQIA+ issues empower clients to embrace their authentic identities and live fulfilling lives.

LGBTQIA+ therapy is not solely focused on overcoming your challenges. It also helps you explore your strengths and abilities, fostering personal growth and resilience.

Through self-reflection, open dialogue, and supportive guidance, you can gain a deeper understanding of yourself, build stronger relationships, and develop a sense of purpose and meaning.

In summary, LGBTQIA+ therapy is a powerful tool for self-discovery and growth. By embracing your identity and working with a skilled therapist, you can navigate your unique journey with confidence, authenticity, and resilience.

Understanding identity and its importance

Identity is a fundamental aspect of human existence. It encompasses how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us.

For LGBTQIA+ individuals, the journey of self-discovery can be particularly complex due to societal norms and expectations. Understanding your identity is crucial for personal growth and well-being.

Common challenges faced by the LGBTQIA+ community

The LGBTQIA+ community faces a unique set of challenges that can impact their mental health and well-being.

Coming out and self-acceptance are often significant hurdles, as you may fear rejection or discrimination from family, friends, or society at large.

As an LGBTQIA+ individual, you may also face higher rates of mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety, due to the stress of societal stigma and discrimination.

LGBTQIA+ therapy addresses these challenges by providing a supportive environment where you can explore their feelings, gain self-acceptance, and develop coping strategies to navigate the complexities of your identity.

What is LGBT therapy?

LGBTQIA+ therapy, also known as queer therapy or LGBTQIA+-affirmative therapy, is a specialised form of therapy that recognizes, validates, and supports the diverse identities within the LGBTQIA+ community and focuses on the unique experiences and challenges faced by LGBTQIA+ individuals.

Grounded in respect and understanding, this therapeutic model:

• acknowledges the unique challenges and experiences faced by individuals with non-heteronormative sexual orientations and gender identities
• strives to create a safe and inclusive environment, fostering trust and openness, where clients can explore their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment or discrimination
• affirms diverse gender expressions, sexual orientations, and identities
• involves working collaboratively with clients to address specific issues related to their LGBTQIA+ identity, offering support and guidance, and empowering clients to embrace their authentic selves
• enhances the overall well-being of LGBTQIA+ individuals by acknowledging and celebrating their identities while addressing mental health concerns and promoting personal growth
• is guided by the principles of acceptance, validation, and empowerment, with the ultimate goal of helping clients live an authentic and fulfilling life

LGBT therapy is rooted in the understanding that sexual orientation and gender identity are natural variations of human diversity and aims to provide a safe and affirming space for clients to explore their identities and navigate the complexities of their lives.

Benefits of LGBTQIA+ therapy

LGBTQIA+ therapy offers numerous benefits if you’re seeking support and guidance in your journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

Firstly, it provides a safe and non-judgmental space where you can express yourself freely and openly explore your identity.

This environment of acceptance and validation is essential for fostering self-acceptance and self-esteem.

LGBTQIA+ therapy also helps you develop coping strategies to navigate the challenges you may face, such as discrimination and stigma.

Additionally, LGBT therapy can empower you to build healthier relationships, improve communication skills, and develop a sense of purpose and meaning in your life.

Finding a qualified LGBTQIA+ therapist

When seeking LGBTQIA+ therapy, it’s essential to find a qualified LGBT-informed therapist who specialises in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals.

A skilled therapist will have a deep understanding of the unique challenges faced by the LGBTQIA+ community and will provide a safe and affirming space for clients to explore their identities. Often, such therapists are also members of the LGBTQIA+ community, so they can personally relate to the challenges of growing up LGBT.

To find a qualified therapist, one can start by seeking recommendations from local LGBTQIA+ organizations or online directories that specialise in LGBTQIA+-affirmative therapy.

It’s also important to interview potential therapists to ensure they are a good fit and share your values and goals.

For this reason, I offer a free 15-minute phone inquiry call so I can speak with you to hear about the issues you’re experiencing and discuss how I may be able to help. This is a great opportunity to see if we can work together before you commit to a therapy session.

The role of self-discovery in LGBTQIA+ therapy

Self-discovery is a vital component of LGBTQIA+ therapy. It involves exploring one’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences to gain a deeper understanding of oneself.

In the context of LGBTQIA+ therapy, self-discovery is particularly important as you navigate your unique journeys of identity.

Through self-reflection and open dialogue with a skilled therapist, you can challenge internalized stigma and shame and develop a sense of authenticity and self-acceptance.

Self-discovery also helps you identify your values, strengths, and goals, laying the foundation for personal growth and resilience.

Techniques used in LGBTQIA+ therapy

LGBTQIA+ therapy utilizes various techniques to support you in your journey of self-discovery and personal growth. The techniques used are often dependent on the therapist’s training and preferred therapeutic approach.

One common approach, often used by psychologists, is cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), which helps you identify and challenge negative thoughts and beliefs that may contribute to their distress. CBT can assist you in developing healthier coping strategies and building resilience.

Another technique used in LGBTQIA+ therapy is narrative therapy, which helps you reframe your stories and narratives to empower yourself and embrace your authentic identity.

Mindfulness-based approaches, such as meditation and relaxation exercises, can also be beneficial in reducing stress and promoting self-awareness.

As a Gestalt therapist, I personally value the unfolding therapeutic relationship and see it as a powerful agent of change. I’ve seen countless clients benefit from my relational approach over the last couple of decades.

Support groups and community resources for LGBTQIA+ individuals

In addition to individual therapy, support groups, and community resources play a crucial role in supporting your self-discovery and growth.

These spaces provide opportunities for you to connect with others who share similar experiences, share their stories, and gain support and validation.

Local LGBTQIA+ organizations often offer support groups, workshops, and social events that can help you build a sense of community and belonging. For example, the social support programs offered by Twenty10 in Sydney are a wonderful resource for LGBTQIA+ young people under 25.

Online platforms and forums also provide spaces for you to connect virtually and access valuable resources and support networks.

Personal stories of growth and self-discovery through LGBT therapy

Personal stories of growth and self-discovery through LGBTQIA+ therapy highlight the transformative power of therapy in the lives of LGBTQIA+ individuals. These stories demonstrate the resilience, courage, and personal growth that can emerge from embracing one’s true identity with the support of a skilled therapist.

From coming out and self-acceptance to building fulfilling relationships and pursuing meaningful goals, these stories inspire and empower others to embark on their own journeys of self-discovery and growth.

Conclusion: Embracing your true self through LGBT therapy

In conclusion, LGBTQIA+ therapy offers a valuable resource if you’re seeking support in navigating your identity and fostering personal growth.

By providing a safe and affirming space, therapists specialising in LGBTQIA+ issues empower clients to embrace their authentic identities, overcome challenges, and build fulfilling lives.

Through self-discovery, open dialogue, and supportive guidance, you can develop a deeper understanding of yourself, build stronger relationships, and find purpose and meaning.

LGBTQIA+ therapy is a powerful tool for self-discovery and growth, helping you navigate your unique journey with confidence, authenticity, and resilience.

Are you an LGBTQIA+ person who is struggling in your life or relationships?

If so, contact me at Sydney Gay Counselling at (02) 8968 9323 to find out how I can help or book an appointment online.

The post Navigating Identity: How LGBTQIA+ Therapy Supports Self-Discovery and Growth appeared first on Sydney Gay Counselling.

Loneliness has become an epidemic within the gay male community. Gay men who aren’t in an intimate relationship often describe feeling a deep and profound sense of loneliness. This emotional pain can be a problem as it can lead to serious mental health issues.

Knowing how and why loneliness happens in gay men is essential to understanding what you can do about it.

Why are gay men lonely?

Loneliness happens when you feel cut off or isolated from people and communities. This isolation is prevalent in male gay communities because it can be hard to break into the friend communities of gay men.

Research has shown that gay men have fewer friends than both straight people and gay women. If you have fewer friends and fewer people to surround yourself with, you’re inherently more isolated and susceptible to loneliness.

The social shift from in-person meetings to online and social media platforms has also exacerbated feelings of loneliness. Text messaging, as a dominant form of communication, also lacks a sense of connection. You can’t see emotions or intent, which often start fights when a message is misunderstood or misinterpreted.

Social media and hook-up apps like Grindr are major culprits contributing to the loneliness experienced by gay men. These platforms feed your existing insecurities and beliefs that promote negative self-talk and feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem.

What causes loneliness in gay men?

The absence of deep connections and emotional intimacy in relationships creates a sense of loneliness. Not knowing how to build relationships based on love, connection, and intimacy is a problem that can lead to emotional and social isolation.

The brain perceives this isolation as a threat, and in more primitive times, it was a form of punishment. This ostracisation and rejection from the tribe often resulted in death.

You can feel isolated both when you’re separated from others and when you’re in a crowd. Thus, loneliness has a broader reach than you may realise. It can also exacerbate many health conditions, including anxiety, depression, dementia, high blood pressure, and heart disease, as well as weaken your immune system.

As a gay man, you may have struggled with feeling excluded from groups, which can develop into a deeper feeling of not belonging.

Experiences of rejection as a kid, growing up gay in a straight world, can heighten your feelings of exclusion. Hiding your sexual orientation to feel acceptance creates a state of prolonged stress, negatively impacting your mental health. This is known as minority stress.

The LGBTQIA+ community is already a vulnerable population that tends to have higher mental health issues. Social isolation, avoidance of rejection, and withdrawing inward on top of that compound issues like depression, anxiety, and suicide.

The connection between sex, drug use, depression, and loneliness

Gay men often turn to drugs or sex as a readily available method to soothe emotional pain. The initial effect of taking drugs or having sex is soothing or pleasurable, and those positive feelings self-medicate against the emotional pain of loneliness. Sometimes this leads to compulsive sexual behaviours.

The problem is sex and drugs create a sense of physical intimacy, whereas the alleviation of loneliness connects to emotional intimacy. In taking drugs and/or having sex, you’re seeking intimacy and closeness but aren’t achieving the type of intimacy that fills your emotional needs.

You may think the physically intimate experience of sex is the same as emotional intimacy, so you pursue the sexual avenue but feel empty because you’re not achieving the true goal of emotional intimacy.

Over time, the use of sex and substances can increase significantly and may become part of your self-soothing ritual. Then, suddenly, it’s an out-of-control addiction that’s more harmful than beneficial.

This is a self-defeating cycle; instead of feeling soothed and fulfilled, you feel increasingly empty. This cycle can make you particularly vulnerable to depression, as your attempts to handle your loneliness instead compound the problem.

The pandemic has exacerbated loneliness in gay men

The messages of social isolation and not getting close to people in response to the COVID-19 pandemic have exacerbated the issue of loneliness in gay men.

Humans are naturally wired to connect with others, see and interact with each other, and seek touch. The conditions of the COVID-19 pandemic have largely taken that away.

If you’ve been stranded away from home or locked in your apartments because of COVID-19 lockdowns, you’re likely been heavily impacted by loneliness. You may even feel stressed and anxious about being too close to other people – the very thing that is the antidote to loneliness.

Older gay men are vulnerable to loneliness

When it comes to LBGTQIA+ issues, older gay men often get overlooked. They aren’t seen by the rest of the gay male community, not through overt rejection but rather through invisibility.

This lack of visibility creates a sense of isolation and fear of rejection. Older gay men often worry about acceptance in the gay men’s community because of age differences between themselves and more visible gay men.

As a 40+ gay man, if you aren’t in a relationship, you’re likely living alone, and that can be very isolating and challenging. To break this pattern of being alone, it’s important to make even more of an effort to get out and meet people.

This task is challenging because you must make yourself vulnerable by initiating meetings and talking to new people. It can be scary and depressing if you’re not accepted, but it gets easier the more you do it, and you’ve got to keep doing it – don’t give up.

Tips to help gay men overcome loneliness

Here are some tips to help you overcome loneliness and improve your life:

1) Step out of your comfort zone: Change never happens by maintaining the status quo. Step out of your comfort zone and into challenging situations. Exposure to new things puts you in the way of new people.

2) Focus on friendship: Even if you’re single, put your focus on building friendships rather than dating. It’s a lot less stressful, and plenty of gay men have found their life partner through friendship.

3) Join a group: whether it’s a gay group, a Meetup, a sports group or a mix of different groups, find and build a community. Find a tribe of like-minded people for emotional support. And if it includes weekly meetings, that’s even better.

4) Connect through new connections: once you join a new group, get those connections to introduce you to new contacts. This is a way of exponentially increasing your friendship networks.

5) Meet in the real world: whether it’s a group activity or individual friends having coffee, meet up with each other regularly. It’s important to spend time together in person and frequently.

6) Step away from social media: spending a lot of time on social media and dating apps can drag you down emotionally. Intentionally limit the time you spend on social media and find new ways to get out into the real world to meet people face-to-face.

7) Work with a therapist: If you’re struggling with social anxiety or developing your confidence in meeting new people, working with an experienced LGBTQI+ therapist can make all the difference.

If you’re single and finding that loneliness is connected to struggles with dating or forming lasting partnerships, you might find this post on why so many gay men stay single helpful.

Click the link below to listen to my interview with Dr. Joe Kort on his podcast Smart Sex, Smart Love, discussing loneliness in gay men.

The takeaway

Loneliness in gay men is a significant problem that doesn’t get a lot of visibility. Surrounding yourself with a network of friends goes a long way toward satisfying your need for emotional intimacy.

Are you an LGBTQIA+ person who is struggling in your life or relationships?

If so, contact me at  (02) 8968 9323 to find out how I can help or book an appointment online.

The post The Silent Suffering of Lonely Gay Men appeared first on Sydney Gay Counselling.

Gay conversion therapy is a controversial practice that has been around since the 19^th century. It can bring a lot of harm physically, psychologically, and emotionally to the people subjected to it.

Members of the LGBTQI+ community are healthy and valid individuals with normal gender identities and sexual orientations. No one should be forced to undergo a conversion away from their best and most authentic self.

What does gay conversion therapy involve?

Gay conversion therapy (also called reparative therapy) aims to change your sexual orientation or gender identity. It’s a harmful practice that’s not based on science. At its core, conversion therapy is homophobic, trying to change an individual to be heterosexual and cisgender. It views any person under the LGBTQ+ umbrella to be wrong and in need of “fixing”.

Conversion therapy can be one-on-one like traditional counselling, but it can also happen in groups such as at retreats or conferences. It can be offered for free or as a paid service. This variance makes it tricky to identify, as it has many different appearances. However, any therapy whose aim is to change your gender identity or sexual orientation is harmful and not a legitimate practice.

Due to the shift in perception of the LGBTQI+ community in the last several decades, gay conversion therapy has largely moved underground and is commonly hidden within evangelical churches and ministries. It’s sometimes present in religious schools or practised in the private offices of some unethical health professionals.

Is there any evidence that conversion therapy works?

There is no medical or scientific evidence that gay conversion therapy is successful. In contrast, there’s ample evidence discrediting conversion therapy, indicating that it’s both harmful and dangerous.

Due to its highly negative impact, a wide range of medical, professional, and human rights groups strongly oppose conversion therapy, including the Australian Psychological Society, the Australian Medical Association, and the United Nations.

Gay conversion therapy is based on the idea that the LGBTQI+ experience is a mental health illness. This notion is false, as all major medical associations agree that LGBTQI+ identities are a standard variant of human nature and not health problems that need curing.

In support of this claim, The American Psychiatric Association (APA) has not treated homosexuality as a mental illness since 1973, and “gender identity disorder”, which was a term to describe the transgender experience, was removed from psychological diagnostic manuals in 2013. The APA states that no credible evidence exists to support that mental health intervention can change sexual orientation, nor that sexual orientation needs to be changed.

What lasting effects can conversion therapy have?

Conversion therapy often reinforces any homophobia and self-loathing that you already carry around with you. Coming out is commonly a process of addressing and dealing with internalised homophobia, feelings of shame, and the stigma of being different. Gay conversion therapy exacerbates that struggle by falsely validating and building on those negative feelings.

If you’ve experienced conversion therapy, you may have increased feelings of isolation, guilt, anxiety, and depression. Self-destructive behaviour and substance abuse are also common. This combination leads to both mental health issues and higher rates of suicide. Studies show that suicide attempts increase by more than 50% following exposure to gay conversion therapy in young people.

Family relationships also suffer as an effect of conversion therapy. Parents who support conversion therapy for their children augment the stigma and shame experienced by LGBTQI+ children, leaving them feeling unsupported and further isolated by their family members.

How common are these procedures now?

Definitive statistics on these procedures in contemporary Australia have not been thoroughly documented, so it is difficult to say with any accuracy.

However, a 2017 United Kingdom national LGBTQI survey showed that 2% of survey-takers (2,160 people) had undergone conversion therapy, and an additional 5% had conversion therapy offered to them. Over 108,000 people participated in the survey.

Conversion therapy has already been banned in many countries, including Germany, Malta, Brazil, the USA, and parts of Spain. The European Parliament has openly condemned all discrimination against LGBT+ people, including conversion therapy, and Canada has introduced new legislation to criminalise conversion therapy.

The evidence that gay conversion therapy is dangerous and discredited has reduced the practice, compared to its inception in 1899. A more significant decrease began after the APA removal of homosexuality from its psychological diagnostic manuals in 1973 – when medical professionals began turning away from such practices.

What support is available if you have been impacted by conversion therapy?

Essential support for any LGBTQ!+ person includes connecting with positive LGBTQI role models. This is true whether you’ve been exposed to gay conversion therapy or not, as it can be a significant step in building a support network, healing, learning acceptance and self-love, and overcoming negative feelings around your sexual orientation and gender identity.

Another critical step in building your LGBTQI+ support network is connecting with LGBTQI+ peers.

There is a range of groups and communities that offer support to people related to LGBTQI+ issues in NSW and Australia:

Twenty10 is a Sydney-based group that offers many supportive and social programs for LGBTQI+ youth.

QLife is Australia-wide, anonymous, and free. It offers LGBT+ peer support for people wanting to talk about sexuality, gender, identity, bodies, feelings, or relationships.

PFLAG Australia is an organisation for family and friends of LGBT+ people. It offers the opportunity to speak with other parents of LGBTQ+ people for support.

The Gender Centre is Sydney-based and provides information and support to trans and gender-diverse people in NSW.

ACON is a health organisation serving NSW, specialising in support for people with HIV and LGBTQI+ people.

Counselling with a gay-affirmative therapist is another avenue for support. Gay-affirmative counsellors can help you work through a wide range of issues connected to LGBTQI+ specific experiences, including the impacts of conversion therapy.

Counselling is not limited to conversion therapy incidents and may be sought outside of that context as well.

Listen to my interview on Sydney radio station 2SER 103.7 where I speak about the dangers of gay conversion therapy.

The takeaway

Gay conversion therapy is a toxic practice. Your gender identity and sexual orientation are valid and healthy. Any professional or authority figure that tells you otherwise or presses you to undergo conversion therapy is not following ethical practices. If you’ve undergone conversion therapy and need support, counselling and support networks are available for you to utilise.

Are you an LGBTQI+ person who is struggling in your life or relationships?

If so, contact Sydney Gay Counselling on  (02) 8968 9323 to find out how we can help or book an appointment online.

The post The Dangerous and Cruel Reality of Gay Conversion Therapy appeared first on Sydney Gay Counselling.

It’s easy to answer the question “how do you come out?” when you’re already out, and you’ve trekked that path.

However, there’s no one way to do it. There’s not a right way and a wrong way to go about it. Everyone’s journey is different, and as such, the steps taken can vary widely.

There are things you can do to make the process easier for yourself and less daunting.

Here are 7 steps to help ease your experience coming out as LGBTQI+:

1. Don’t ignore your truth 

Pretending that you’re not gay only hurts you. It doesn’t change who you are. It’s okay to be gay, and it’s okay to know that you’re gay. It’s a truth about yourself and ignoring that truth can result in a wide range of unhealthy coping mechanisms.

It’s natural to fear the judgement and rejection of others. In fact, struggling with coming to terms with your sexual identity is one of the stages of coming out.

But ignoring your truth can have even more crippling effects than your fear. Even if you’re not ready to share this part of yourself with the outside world yet, know and acknowledge it for yourself.

2. Practice self-acceptance 

You’re just as valid as a person for being LGBT+. Change takes time to adjust to though, and accepting yourself as gay, lesbian, bi, or queer may not be easy or automatic for you. Make a conscious effort to accept all of what makes you who you are. Acceptance may mean re-learning to love yourself for things you didn’t admit about yourself previously.

You deserve love, no matter what, and sometimes that’s a challenging lesson that needs to be learned.

If this is particularly challenging for you, start small and practice acceptance for things that led you to notice your sexuality: I like to wear my leather jacket, I find men prettier than women, I’m not interested in initiating sex, I like romance with both men and women.

And if you’re struggling with self-acceptance, working with an LGBT-informed therapist can make all the difference

3. Be yourself  

Your genuine self is the best version of yourself that you can offer the world – so own it.

Being trans or lesbian doesn’t mean you have to like specific kinds of clothing or music. It doesn’t mean that you need to follow stereotypes and clichés.

Your sexual orientation is one facet of who you are. It doesn’t have to dominate your entire personality.

If you’re a gay man and really like action movies, then be a gay man and openly enjoy watching action movies. You don’t have to pretend new things about yourself that are equally as untrue as the heteronormative things you tried to hide behind to fit in before.

4. Surround yourself with supportive friends  

Managing significant steps in life is easier with a network of supportive people in your life, and coming out is no exception to this.

Surrounding yourself with people whom you know to be supportive of LGBT+ people and issues can help to ensure you’re receiving the support you need about your identity and coming out before you start having vulnerable conversations with your friends and family.

Support groups for lesbian, trans, and asexual people are beneficial resources to start building a personal support network. You have the guaranteed knowledge before you even walk in the door that you’ll be surrounded by like-minded people who accept you for your sexual orientation, with no questions asked.

And if you’re a young LGBTQI+ person based in Sydney, check out the great resources at the organisation twenty10.

5. Start coming out to your most accepting friends and family  

When you’re ready to start having conversations with your friends and family about your sexual orientation, you can be strategic about who you tell first, to help minimise your stress.

Start with the people in your life that you already know to be more accepting. These conversations are more likely to go well, and they can function as practice sessions to work up to tackling the more challenging people in your inner circle.

The most accepting people in your life are more likely to have had similar conversations in the past. Being able to have an open discussion about what it’s like to be on the receiving end of the ‘coming out’ speech may advise you on the best ways to approach this conversation with other friends and family.

6. Don’t worry about labels  

People rarely fit into perfectly defined boxes. You may be drawn to the colour bamboo green, but you don’t want to paint your living room that shade. Or perhaps you enjoy wearing thick wool jumpers in winter, but cashmere is quite comfortable, too. Maybe you prefer chocolate ice cream, except when you have a sundae. Your sexuality is no more rigid than your preference for anything else.

If you want to embrace a label, great, but the label you choose doesn’t define the beginning and end of your sexuality. You are who you are. You’re attracted to who you’re attracted to. You don’t owe the world an explanation about that. Knowing who you are is enough.

The labels we don are more to allow other people to categorise us – you don’t need to tell the world you’re gay to know that you’re gay.

7. Educate yourself – and others  

There’s a lot of misinformation out there about LGBT+ issues. You might find, along your journey, that you are or were subject to some of it yourself. It’s essential to challenge what you think you know about a topic by continuing to educate yourself about it.

It wasn’t all that long ago that having one ear pierced or wearing the colour purple meant that a man was gay – both of which are entirely irrelevant to one’s sexuality.

The more informed you are, the more myths and misconceptions you can debunk as well as educate others about LGBT+ issues.

The takeaway  

There’s no right or wrong way to come out to your friends and family about your sexuality. Coming into your sexuality is a process, not a one-and-done situation. It’s a slow progression that evolves over time.

No matter what your sexual preferences for attraction are, you’re a valid person and deserve love and support on your journey of self-discovery.

Are you an LGBTQI+ person who is struggling in your life or relationships?

If so, contact Sydney Gay Counselling on  (02) 8968 9323 to find out how we can help or book an appointment online.

The post Coming Out Tips: Advice from the Other Side of the Closet Door   appeared first on Sydney Gay Counselling.

Having a therapist who supports you and has experience with LGBTQIA+ issues is important for you to get the guidance you need.

If you need to find a gay therapist, you may not need to work with a therapist who is gay but rather a therapist who is informed and affirmative about gay issues, experiences, and identities.

A gay therapist is not someone that you only speak to about gay topics, either. Your gay therapist should be a professional whom you can speak to about all problems you encounter, emphasising being able to help you address discrimination and positively handle gay issues.

Here are 6 things to look for when searching for a gay therapist.

1.   More than gay-friendly

As a therapist of LGBTQIA+ people, it’s not enough to be gay-friendly. As an LGBTQIA+ person, it’s essential to look for a therapist who is both gay-informed and provides gay-affirmative psychotherapy.

While it’s necessary to be open and welcoming to you as an LGBTQIA+ person, it’s equally vital for your therapist to understand the issues that you face and to affirm your LGBTQIA+ identity.

There’s nothing wrong with you for being gay, and you deserve to be treated with positive regard. The issues that you face as part of the LGBTQ community as a lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, transgender, or non-binary individual who lives in a hetero-normative world are different from the problems a straight person will face.

If your therapist is not informed about the experiences and unique challenges you struggle with, they can’t help you the way you need. Therefore, it’s crucial to find a therapist with these values and beliefs to provide the counselling and support services that you need.

2. Need to find gay therapist? Consider online therapy

You can use the internet to find a gay therapist who provides online therapy and use it as a vehicle to facilitate your therapy. There are many resources available online to help you source a therapist. These includes databases of mental health professionals (local or specialised), websites for professional associations, support groups, and forums.

If you can’t find a local therapist who can provide a safe space and meet your needs, distance therapy (or online therapy) is another avenue to pursue. This alternative to traditional treatment allows you to reach a broader range of counsellors in various locations.

It’s imperative that you find a counsellor who’s a good fit for you so you can show your authentic self and help you with self-discovery. Don’t settle for less than you need because you can’t find the right local professional who can address your anxiety disorders and trauma from family violence and who can help you build resilience.

Therapists often offer different forms of online therapy to reach clients in different locations and to meet a range of different needs. Ask your therapist about the options they provide for distance therapy.

3.  Interview your therapist

Once you’ve found a therapist or two you think you might be a good fit, it’s time to interview them. You can either arrange a consultation with them or set up a phone call to ask them questions. In this way, you can get a feel for their attitude and approach.

Prepare a list of questions to ask during the interview to help you get a sense of their views on and experience with LGBTQI+ people and issues. Here are some questions to consider:

• Do you have any trans friends or family?
• Have you worked with other lesbian couples?
• Are you comfortable talking about LGBTQIA+ sexual issues?
• Do your personal or religious feelings prevent you from discussing some aspects of gay life?
• How up-to-date are you on the latest scholarly work on bisexual issues in your field?
• Can you be as open and honest with me as I will be with you?

If you don’t feel that the therapist is as informed, up-to-date, or gay-affirming as you need, move on.

If you receive answers during the interview that make you uncomfortable or dissatisfied, you’re not obligated to begin a relationship with that psychologist or counsellor. The interview process aims to take a closer look at candidates and eliminate the ones that don’t meet your needs.

4.   Expect small improvements early on

Once you’ve selected your gay therapist and have begun to see them, you should experience some improvement within a few sessions.

Big or deeply rooted issues certainly won’t be resolved so quickly. But, small improvements in stress management or anger management should be identifiable in your day-to-day life.

Small improvement within a few sessions is a reasonable standard by which to gauge successful affirmative therapy outcomes. These improvements and outcomes should also feel like a positive change. That’s not to say they’ll be easy, but the change shouldn’t feel harmful to your emotions or your self-esteem.

5.   Don’t stick with a bad fit

You’re not obligated to continue relationship counselling with your gay therapist. If your therapist makes you feel bad about yourself, like there’s something wrong with you, your sexuality or your mental health challenges and experiences are your fault or aren’t valid. Don’t continue to see them for LGBT counselling.

Your therapist is supposed to be a person that you feel safe and comfortable with. Someone you can open up to and be vulnerable with, and who has a positive impact on your life. If you don’t feel that way with your therapist, move on to someone else.

Therapists aren’t a one-size-fits-all situation, either. Sometimes, you do all your homework to vet a therapist, and you feel safe and heard by them, but you still don’t gel with their vibes. That’s okay, too. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or anything wrong with them. It just means it’s not the right fit, and it’s time to move on.

6.   Legal, ethical practices

To ensure you select a therapist who uses legal and ethical practices, educate yourself on current views of LGBT issues in the psychological community. This way, you know what to expect. If an interview veers sharply away from current views on gay or trans issues and with ongoing discrimination against LGBTQ clients, you’ll be aware that there might be something less than ethical going on.

When it comes to gay counselling, there are some major red flags and illegal practices to be aware of. Gay conversion therapy or ex-gay therapy is any attempt to change a person’s gender identity, sexual orientation, or gender expression. Conversion therapy is illegal and unethical, not to mention harmful and traumatic for gender-diverse people. If a therapist tries to change your sexual orientation, leave immediately and report it to the health authorities.

The takeaway

You deserve a gay therapist who is informed and affirmative about LGBTQI+ issues and wants to support and work with you to improve and meet agreed-upon therapy outcomes. It’s worth putting the effort in to find a therapist that is a good fit for you and your needs.

Are you an LGBTQIA+ person who is struggling in your life or relationships?

If so, contact me at Sydney Gay Counselling at (02) 8968 9323 to find out how I can help or book an appointment online.

The post How to Find a Gay Therapist: 6 Things to Look For appeared first on Sydney Gay Counselling.

What are gay relationship goals?

Relationship goals can help you create a healthy gay relationship. They assist you in improving how you both give and receive love in your relationship.

Why do I want goals in my relationship?

Everyone wants to receive love in a way that makes them happy. Inversely, you also want to give love in a way that makes your partner happy. The benefit of successful relationship goals is that both you and your partner are giving and receiving love in ways that make you both happy.

Since everyone enjoys being happy in their relationship, people with and working toward relationship goals will always do better than those without.

If you’re currently single and wondering why partnership feels elusive, understanding the barriers to gay relationships can be a helpful first step.

Relationship goals for happiness together

1. Nurture individual and joint gay and straight friendships

You’re still two individuals, so you should maintain and make individual relationships and nurture mutual friendships. Your life as an individual is just as important as building your life together. The same is true about the friendships in your life. And having a diverse group of friends that include straight and LGBTQ people in your lives is great for your overall mental health.

2. Follow your passions

You’re inspired by and passionate about things. Your partner won’t be inspired or impassioned by all the same things. Pursue the things that you’re passionate about, regardless of whether your partner shares those passions.

3. Never stop learning

Challenging yourself and each other is a great way to continue a journey of personal growth. A commitment to learning keeps your interests stoked and your intellect keen, plus it’s great to learn new things about yourself, each other, and the world.

4. Create joint projects

Working on things together means that you get to develop a sense of teamwork together. Projects you’re both interested in and invested in create extra motivation for team building and learning each other’s work styles.

5. Talk openly about money

Talking about money is the first step. If you share a life, you have bills together. Talk about spending, saving, goals, and aspirations. Be on the same page, agree on how to split financial responsibilities, and plan how to handle money.

6. Develop a budget and savings goals

It’s great to talk about money and be on the same page, but to attain long-term goals and happiness you also have to have plans for your money. Create a budget so you can see and plan where your money is going. Then develop saving goals to reach bigger life goals (buy a house?), actively put money away, and have things to look forward to. I often recommend the Barefoot Investor book for many of the couples I work with that have issues around money and want to develop a strong financial future.

7. Find other happy and healthy LGBTQ+ couples to spend time with

People who are already achieving happy and healthy gay relationships can serve as a role model for your relationship. They’re great people to spend time around, too!

8. Address issues quickly and directly

It’s normal to have issues or conflicts in your relationship. Talk about them. Turn your issues into a communication exercise. De-escalate the tension and open a dialogue about the problem as soon as possible. Don’t let it fester. Focus on listening to each other, understanding the problem from both sides, and working together to find a solution.

9. Find win-win solutions – always

When conflict arises in your relationship, sometimes, you need to employ some creative problem-solving. You can’t always get what you want, but you can always compromise. A compromise is when you both give a little and still walk away happy. It doesn’t mean one person gives in, and the other person gets what they want. Every compromise looks like some kind of win for both parties.

10. Repair quickly after conflict

It’s crucial after an argument or row to make amends promptly. Prioritising repairing things after a fight means you fix the hurt, are then able to let go of resentments, and can get back to enjoying life quickly. Listen to your partner with empathy, validate each other’s feelings and thoughts, take responsibility for the problem, and apologise.

11. Be curious about each other

Unless you were born with your partner and have shared every single life experience with them, there will always be things you don’t know about your partner – especially as you both grow and change. Stay curious about each other and continue making an effort to know one another.

12. Prioritise each other

Put your relationship first. Put your partner first. Take care of each other and put each other’s best interests high up on your priorities list. Make sure your partner knows and feels that they’re essential to your life.

13. Be open with each other

Society has been and still can be harsh to members of the LGBTQ+ community. Many of us have learned to hide or disappear, from conversations, from situations, from important people in our lives. You mustn’t hide from your partner. Be open with your partner and share your intimate thoughts and feelings. They know you’re LGBTQ+ and accept you, let them in.

14. Make commitments and keep them

Being a life partner means being the person that your partner can rely on. When you stumble or get tripped up by life, you want to know your partner is there to catch you or help you up off the ground. Offer them the same dependability in return. If you make promises or commitments, stick to them and follow through.

15. Actively do things for each other, surprise each other

Don’t take each other for granted. It’s easy to default to only what’s necessary, but intentionally doing things for each other creates goodwill and feelings of being special. Grand gestures for each other (surprises) can be fun too, but they can’t take the place of the little things or make up for periods of neglect.

16. Build an LGBTQ+ support network

Everyone needs a support network of trusted people to help them through life’s rough patches. Your support network is strongest if it includes people who can empathise with and understand your life experiences. As a member of the LGBTQ+ community, it’s beneficial to have other LGBTQ+ people in your life to offer you support in times of need.

17. Have fun, be kind

Do things just because they’re fun: let go, be silly, try new things, and revisit old pastimes. Enjoying downtime with your partner is just as important as successfully navigating the logistics of your life together. The good vibes of enjoying your time together will make it easier to be generous with how you view your partner and what you put into the relationship. Take the time to be kind to one another.

18. Be clear on sexual agreements

The boundaries you set for your gay relationship are right for you and your needs. Be clear on what those boundaries are and adhere to them. If you agree to an open relationship, practice an open relationship if you decide on monogamy, practice monogamy. Have an open conversation about the sexual boundaries of your relationship and then stick to them. You can revisit those boundaries at any time, but until you reach a new agreement, the old boundaries need to be honoured.

19. Hold hands

Holding hands is a simple way to continue building intimacy in your relationship. It re-establishes your connection and brings a small touch of romance to your daily outings. There may have been a time in your life when you felt like you couldn’t hold hands with romantic partners, don’t let that hold you back now. Show your affection and be proud of it.

20. Introduce your partner to your family

Accepting and loving yourself, your partner, and your relationship is essential. Hiding is detrimental not only to your relationship but to your mental health as well. Introducing your same-sex partner to your family is a step toward developing and feeling LGBTQ+ pride.

21. Make time for romance and never stop flirting

Flirting isn’t a means to an end, but an end itself. Flirting is fun, and it keeps fun in your relationship. It’s also a great way to open the door for romance in your relationship. Romance doesn’t have to be expensive either, do simple things together that make you both feel the love you have between you.

22. Make each other laugh

Laugh with each other, laugh at each other’s silliness, and laugh at the crazy situations you get into. Tell jokes, appeal to each other’s sense of humour, and laugh together. It’s hard not to be happy when there’s laughter.

23. Schedule sex

When life is so busy you feel like congratulating yourself for making adequate time to eat, it’s easy to let aspects of your relationship go by the wayside. However, regular sex is both great for your health and great for your relationship. Scheduling sex into your routine may seem less romantic, but knowing you have sex to look forward to at a certain time can build up anticipation and be just as exciting.

24. Get to know the LGBTQ+ allies in your community

Knowing there are allies in your community adds a sense of comfort to being openly out as a lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or non-binary individual and couple. Acceptance and love from the people in your immediate environment lend a sense of support and ease about your sexual identity. It’s another group of people you don’t feel you need to hide from, allowing you more comfort to be your genuine self. Not to mention, it expands your social network.

25. Have a vision for your LGBTQ family

Being future-oriented helps you gain an idea of what you want, what you’re striving for. Ask yourself what your family looks like in an ideal situation. Imagine what roles everyone plays and what values form the bedrock of your family. What does it look like now, next year, in 5 years? Then talk about this with your partner. Having an aligned vision of the family that you’re building allows you to engage in your relationship with more direction and focus.

26. Create joint adventures

Adventuring together means new and shared experiences. You aren’t getting bogged down by the same humdrum every day if you actively make an effort to create joint adventures. They can be big or small. The point is to experience new things together. It may be a new café down the road or a ski trip in the Alps, just experience it for the first time together.

27. Protect each other, have each other’s back

Keeping each other safe will keep the relationship safe. Protect your partner from both internal (each other) and external threats. Be in each other’s corner and present a united front. Don’t put your partner in a position of being vulnerable and alone in public situations.

28. Come out to your friends and family

There’s a lot of strain in a relationship if one or both partners aren’t out, and it holds relationships back. When you’re hiding all or part of yourself or your relationship from people in your life, you cannot grow, your intimacy is limited, and your experiences are far more stressful. Coming out as LGBTQ+ to your friends and family releases that stress and strain, allowing you to be your genuine self.

29. Prioritise one-on-one time

Quality time together with the kids, the dog, or your friends is important, but it’s just as necessary to have one-on-one time with your partner. Putting time towards connecting, building intimacy in your relationship, and just checking in and taking care of each other is essential to your relationship’s vitality.

30. Regularly affirm your relationship commitment

Committing is a big step, and reminding yourself and your partner of your relationship commitment in a positive way brings security and strength into the relationship. It improves on the connection you have with your partner. A commitment can be a verbal commitment of your love and commitment for each other or deciding to get married. The great thing is you now get to choose.

The takeaway

Gay relationships that have and continuously pursue relationship goals are happier and function better than those that don’t. Build these goals into your relationship to help you and your partner achieve long-term happiness together.

Are you an LGBTQI+ person who is struggling in your life or relationships?

If so, contact Sydney Gay Counselling on  (02) 8968 9323 to find out how we can help or book an appointment online.

The post 30 Gay Relationship Goals for Happiness Together appeared first on Sydney Gay Counselling.