T a W a W

Being An Introvert.. (I am)

2015-09-10T21:02:00.000-07:00

Photo Not Mine ;)

Being an Introvert..

I don’t have any idea about being an Introvert. I don’t exactly know the meaning of it, not until ...somebody just told me I am.

I googled it. I found out that I am an Introvert. It’s not because that I love being alone or I preferred to be on my own but .. Ganun talaga ako kahit nung bata ako. Di ako nakikipag laro, unless may mang iinvyt or someone to convinced me to play pero madali ako mabored. Madali ako sumuko sa isang laro o bagay na nauumpisahan ko. I'm a kind of person na mahiyain pagdating sa activities lalo na sa schools. Kahit alam ko kung paano gawin ang isang bagay o gampanan ang mga roles sa mga activities. Mabilis ako matuto at minsan kapag may tinatanong ang mga teachers at walang nakakasagot, I only whispered the answer to myself.

Hindi naman ako matalino. Never kong ikinatuwa na maraming nagsasabing matalino ako, but the truth is di ko nararamdamang ganun ako. i only used Logic. Yung bang nilalagay ko ang sarili ko sa mga bagay na kung ano man ang kahihinatnan ng isang pangyayari.

just for example na lang pag may mga problemang dumarating sa buhay ko. I just kept it to myself. Ayokong may nakaka alam sa mga pinag dadaanan ko. Lalo na kung tungkol sa LOVE.

Minsan sa buhay ko nagkaroon din ako ng pag ibig. yung pers taym na mainlove. Di ko ma express o masabing Love na talaga yung feelings ko at that time. Di makakain ng tama dahil lagi mo iniisip yung taong nagugustuhan mo. Lalo na pag malapit kayo sa isat isa.

The first time I experienced na nagkagusto ako was way back in elementary. The worst or maybe unusual thing siguro was attracting to a girl. Yes. I was confused. I didn't ask anybody or myself kung ano man yung mga nangyayari sa akin its because I was still a kid. I enjoyed being myself. I thought it was just a normal thing. There was this girl named Ronalyn (My first ever...crush or maybe puppy love). She was my classmate during grade 2. Ang aga ko nagkacrush. I really remembered it probably because She was a part of my childhood life. She was so sweet and kind. She even hugged me everytime I go to the classroom. Sabay kami magrecess. 2 pesos pa ata ang baon ko that time. We were close friends. Pinapasali nya ako sa laro kahit na di ako nakikihalubilo sa iba. fast forward. i was sad na hindi kami naging classmates sa Grade 3 level. but.. Our frienship grows. Minsan pinupuntahan ako sa Section B (2nd Section ako napunta) para sabihing sabay kami mag recess. I dont exactly what to feel or how would i explain that kasi now ko lang na realized na sa murang edad ko at those times may mga ganung situations agad na syempre para sa akin thats sooooo Sweeetness haha. Ngayon ko lang kasi parang naramdaman o naalala mga bagay na di ko pinansin kasi nga bata ako that time. Pero naisip ko din naman itanong sa sarili ko bakit naiiba ako. Bakit ganito.. is this normal or what.. something na hindi ko naitanong sa iba kasi wala ako makausap. Ang mahirap din.. wala akong inaamin kahit ano everytime they would ask me about my gender or preference something. It is just being myself. if you like it then accept it. If you don't then I would never mind it.

As the time goes by, marami na rin nakakapansin lalo na sa family that I am different. I am not what they want me to be. Hindi ko masabi sa kanila directly kung ano ako o ano gusto ko. Because I just kept it. I don't want them to worry about me. Ayokong mag expect sila.

Being an introvert is not easy. ayokong baguhin kung ano ako dahil ganun talaga ako. Whether its normal for anyone else or not , I know it wouldn't matter. Kasi I believe if someone loves me or likes me, she or he wouldn't mind who ar what i am as long as they won't give me up. I know its unfair for a friend na they will be the one to adjust for me. Its not easy for me to see them hating me or getting them pissed off of me. I am not anti-social.. its just i preferred being happy inside than seeing them happy but struggling inside. its complicated. All I need is someone who can stay no matter how hard it is to be with me. Selosa ako. pag tahimik ako, dalawa lang yun, i always felt jealous whenever someone gives the kind of attention (that i want from) to anyone else. secondly, I want to avoid or make myself to stay away from people na alam kong na aattached na ako. Its hard because the more i attached to someone else, the more my feelings getting invests to that person and I hate to hate it. lalo na kung ginagawa akong options for them. Ako na mismo nag uumpisang umiwas just to stop those feelings i have for them because I am falling soooo fast and I hate myself for that dahil mabilis ako mahulog. When they asked me about whats wrong with me, I just shut up and move forward. Thats life. Its annoying i know. Just hit me if you ever that person. seriously, its not easy being me. though at times I love myself. Sometimes I hate being me.

Bipolar? No. It's not in a mood. But its my identity.

I don't like talking (In person) unless i have something to say or Interesado ako sa topic. well... I love talking about Anime's, Sci Fi.. and adventures mga tipong gusto kong pag usapan. Mahirap ako kaibiganin talaga. sorry to those people na iniwasan ko for no reason. its just we didn't Click the same point. But to those I avoided for some reasons na because I kinda look for you everytime na iniiwan nyo ako sa ere.. its alright. maybe there are people na pwede ko pa rin bigyan ng chance to prove they are worth my respect and trust. But hey, sometimes its not like trust or respect issues.. I just want them to be honest with me though sometimes i wasn't that honest for them.

I always love to think about a lot of things. minsan mahilig ako mag daydream. i am optimistic inside.. may mga pangyayaring gusto ko mangyari sa isip ko lang. because I know for a reason that in reality I can't even do that... like Loving someone else who doesn't love you back.. mga ganun. lol

Mga bagay na hindi ko masabi sa mga taong gusto ko kausap, dito ko nasasabi. I love writing. I love to think these words are written every night. Every thoughts. Marami akong gusto sabihin. I just don't have someone to talk with or to talk to. Hindi ko lang masabi lahat because i know for a fact that it will never undo anything.

Lastly, i know its kinda "Selfish"to know this. But I cant undo all this things because... this is who I am. I am weird i know. A lot of my friends know that.... I am Introvert.

FRIENDSHIP and LOVE (The Past Behind)

2015-08-25T23:10:00.001-07:00

Hi buddy, its been a long time din nang huli kang mapadpad dito. Dati rati lahat ng hinanakit at emosyon mo, lagi mong sinasabi dito mismo (pero huling blog post mo, dinelete mo para di mo maalala ang lahat, ang totoo lagi mo iniisip ang mga yun!). Pero ayos lang. Ano ba ang meron sa atin ngayon?. . teka, kamusta ka nga pala? Di ka mapapadpad dito kung di ka maayos. Chill lang sabi ni tawaw. Ilabas mo lang until you can breathe.

Phot not mine. ;)

“Taking on SEVEN years

the holy ghost had left alone

Test my arms, kick like crazy

I've been trying way too long

only push the way off to fight you

Now I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm not sure

Getting off my chest

the story ends…” –SAOSIN

Yan ang sabi sa kanta na dati mong pinakinggan na paulit ulit ulit sa tenga mo. Di mo ata akalain na 7 years na pala ang lumipas at eto ka, hanggang ngayon, nandyan pa rin ang kantang yan na laging tumatatak sa utak mo na meron kang UNFINISHED business (tama ba ang term?) sa nakaraan mo. (Well, hindi lang naman yan ang mga kanta na tumatak during those times.)

Ganito yun, speaking of the past, naaalala mo na naman sya recently. This past few days, lagi ka nalang nangangamba sa mga pupwedeng mangyari hindi lang sa present day mo kundi pati sa future mo. At dahil 7 years ago, nang huli mo syang makita at makausap. Music, Novels, Movies, Social Networking, at kung anu-anu pa ang inatupag mo, makalimutan mo lang sya. But the TRUTH is, NEVER mo syang nakalimutan.

OO NA! NEVER ko syang nakalimutan.

At alam kong di ko sya makakalimutan. -_-

Ang totoo, Always! nasa utak ko sya.

Anung meron sa kanya?... No. Anung meron kami noon.

Now I will tell you. EVERYTHING. Dahil bago pa sumabog ang puso ko sa mga naiisip ko. Gusto ko ilahad lahat lahat lahat!

*Friendship.*

Bihira ako makipag kaibigan. Lalo na, pati sarili ko eh di ko alam ang identity those times before I met her kaya namimili ako ng mga kaibigan lalo na yung mga mapagkakatiwalaan na tatanggap sa kung ano at sino ako..

Bago ako napadpad sa davao 13 years ago, I broke up with some else (Yes its true!, meron ako naging JOWA nung High School na never nalaman ng mga friends (College Friends) ko up to this day) but that was another story to tell.. I decided to take my college sa davao. Hindi dahil maganda ang schools dito, kundi gusto ko mag moved on. Well.. as time goes by, wala akong naging close o matatawag na kaibigan sa school at that very first time in the city. LONER ako eh, di ako mahilig gumimik at makipag usap kahit kanino. School, Library, at bahay lang ang places to be ko. Hindi uso ang Fb, twitter, at wala pang Friendster that time, the worst was, WALA pang mydsl o mabilis na internet na pwede ko e download lahat ng favorite movies and music ko dahil DIAL-UP pa ang gamit noon. IN SHORT, BORING ANG BUHAY KO that time. Hanggang sa mag 4th year ako IRREGULAR dahil may mga subjects akong naiwan sa 3rd yr level. Nakilala ko sya.

“And you're slowly shaking finger tips

Show, that you're scared like me so

Let's pretend we're alone

And I know you may be scared

And I know we're unprepared

But I don't care..” –VULNERABLE (2ndhand Serenade)

Hindi kami naging close agad. Nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataon na magkaroon ng friends this time. Karamihan kasi puro boys dahil Engineering ang course, at kaunti lang kaming mga girls on that batch.

I can say I am one of the boys, kahit noon pa. Mas nagiging close ako agad sa mga classmates ko na puro boys kesa sa mga kaklase kong babae. Counterstrike at Dota 1 pa ang uso na games sa net cafes. Every lunch kasama ko ang mga Engineering Unity Team (yun ang tawag sa team nila na laging tambay sa lynx café). Hindi ko masabing member ako dun kaya lang dahil nga wala naman akong close na babae sa classroom, lagi ako iniinvite ng mga yun na kumain at sumabay sa kanila, lalo na pag may assignments or seatworks , dyan kami nagtutulungan. I ignored their difference from me, akala ko nga lalaki din ako eh! (despite of my religion which is different from them) and their SCARED-TO-DEATH thingy not to bully me because of that LOL XD) and making fun of me sometimes dahil parang tinuring nila ako na tropa din nila.

One day, lumapit sya, humiram ng book, it was the very first moment na may kumausap sa akin na girl sa batch nila. Dahil diko naman talaga sila ka batch dahil IRREGULAR student nga ako. Fully Loaded ang subjects ko that time para mahabol ko ang batch ko. Pero syempre napagod ang utak ko kaya diko nalang inadvance ang mga subjects na dapat kong e advanced dahil hindi naman ako si Albert Einstein. LOL

Time passed by at medyo nagiging close kami. She invited me to try out sa basketball dahil nalaman niya na dati akong nagbabasketball nung first yr ako sa school pero diko lang tinuloy dahil bagsak ang major subjects ko that time. I focused on my studies. So syempre disappointed sya. Mas nagiging close kami nung uso na ang unli text at FRIENDSTER. :p

Everyday texts, walang topic na boring. Puro kalokohan. Actually, tatlo kaming naging close. Yung isa kasi minsan lang kung sumabay sa amin. Kaya madalas kaming dalawa lang ang magkasama. Napagkakamalan kaming magkasintahan sa sobrang closeness namin. Pero hindi. JinoJOKE lang yun ng KAKASIMULANG-BARKADA pa lang namin. Hindi na ako nakakasabay sa mga dati kong friends na EUT boys. Di na ako nag caCounter strike at Madalas kapag wala kaming ginagawa, sa boarding house nya kami laging nakatambay. She’s so talented. She plays guitar. She plays Basketball. Parang yung gusto ko sa isang tao, nasa kanya na. Ooops. I simply ignore those feelings na masaya ka pag nandyan sya. Kaya minsan umiiwas ako. Hindi dahil meron syang ginawa. Ganun talaga ako kapag meron akong naramdamang unusual lalo na pag lumalalim at tumitindi na yung friendship na nabubuo.

Papalapit na ang Intrams. Syempre busy sila sa practice sa Basketball. Lagi nya ako tinetext at kinukulit na manood ng practice nila pero ayoko lang because TINATAMAD ako gumala. Ganun talaga ako, TAMAD. Pag hindi school issues, hindi ako lumalabas ng bahay. Gumagala lang ako those times pag kasama sya.

Siya lang ang dahilan noon bakit ako nagpabili ng selpon at nagloload kada araw. Pag di ako makareply, nag mimiscol. Pag diko nareplyan agad agad, nagfaflood sya ng messages. Pag absent ako, nagagalit sya. minsan naman ang daming tanong kapag nandyan na ako. Pag umaalis lang ako sandali, “Ui, Saan ka?” … Hanggat sa naitanong ko sa kanya kung ano ba kami. Dahil wala nang mai-Topic sa text, tinanong ko agad sya. Sabi nya “More than Sisters and Friends.” Tapos hanggat sa naging “BESTFRIENDS” na kami. “BEST” sya unang nag text nun. Hindi ko makakalimutan yun. Our Friends teases us,..”Uiiiii si Beeeest,” grrr pero ang saya syempre pag naiisip mo lahat ng mga moments na yun.

Iba man sa paningin ng iba ang turingan namin, BAHALA SILA. Ang importante masaya kami kung anong meron sa friendship na nabuo namin. Isang gabi when I got online at bigla sya nag message.

“Best.”

“OH YEAH.” Sabi ko.

“MAHAL MO BA AKO?”

…

….

After a 10 or 15 minutes long of staring those message.

“OO NAMAN.” I answered

“WHY?” She asked.

“We’re Bestfriends.” I replied

“Ok.” Sabi nya

Yung reply nay un ang nakapag pa isip sa akin na meron syang gustong sabihin that time.

I really didn’t know the exact thing nay un pero alam kong meron syang gustong sabihin.

Kapag magkasama kami, feeling ko iniisip ng iba na KAMI. Pero Hindi. Natural sa kanya yung mga sweetness lagi like hinahawakan yung mga kamay ko. Kapag tumatawid kami lagi nya hawak hawak ung right hands ko. Kahit sa Jeep ganun pa rin ginagawa nya hindi nya binibitiwan yung pag hohold sa hand ko. Namimiss ko syempre mga ganung moment.

To make the story short.. napansin ko sa mga texts at minsan napapatanong sya sa akin if bakit ako na aattract sa mga babae more than attracting to boys. Tapos di naman daw ako “L” word. Sabi ko wala lang. ganun talaga. May mga bagay na di ko na pwedeng ilahad lahat lahat pero alam nyang meron akong past. Minsan kapag may dumaang CHIX binabatukan nya ako. Mas lalo ako nacurious sa kanya. Di ko maitanong sa kanya that time kung nagseselos ba sya pag may kasama akong iba o kaya may pinuntahan akong friend sa ibang school. Dahil kapag di ako nagpakita agad agad sa kanya, nagagalit sya. Nagkaroon kami na tinatawag na “BESTSARRY” or Monthly Date with Bestfriend. During 18^th day of the Month, nag eexchange kami ng gifts..unang bigay nya sa akin eh “SIGN PEN (PILOT)” dahil mahilig daw ako magsulat. Hanggang isang araw sinurpresa ko sya ng isang Teddy Bear na sya mismo ang pumili. Ang alam nya kasi si tawaw ang bibili. Nalaman nalang nya na para sa kanya yun nung umalis na ako at umuwi na silang dalawa. HAHAHA . Mas lalo tumindi ang friendship namin. Masaya syempre mga ganung situations. Sino ba ang hindi makaka miss sa ganung moments.

*LOVE*

May isang time nag paalam sya na uuwi ng lugar nila, after 3 days, pauwi na ng davao,.. I received a text message from her. “BEH”

I wondered. Napatype ako ng paulit ulit kahit di ko naman eto esesend sa kung kanino… ‘B E H’ ang layo sa B E ST… ang layo talaga ng H sa S…. BE…H? BES…Hindi sabi ko baka kulang o nagmadali lang sya nang naitype..

I texted her “Bakit Best?’’

“Ah wala Best.. Musta?’’

Siguro nga wala lang.

Inignored ko yung mga ganung kaliit na issue.

Peoples Park, ang tambayan naming kapag gumagala kaming tatlo. Pictures kung saan saan. Di uso ang tawag na selfie pero kami na siguro ang merong pinaka maraming Selfies sa cellphone ko.

Pag kinakausap naming sya lagi syang may katext. Minsan may tumatawag. Jinojoke ko sya “Oy sinu yan, bakit ang tagal.”

“SUN GAMIT ko unli sayang lang pag di ko ginamit kay (TWIN’s NAME)”

"Okey" sabi ko…

Dahil uso noon ang SUNCELLULAR UNLI CALL…

…..

…

Kapag may kausap sya sa phone,i felt jealous. I wanted to avoid her. Gusto ko magtampo pero di ko masabi that time na ayokong may kausap syang iba. lalo na kung di naman nya kamag anak dahil sabi nya kausap daw nya FRIEND nya from other school.

Napadalas ang tune up games nila with the other bball players from other school before intramurals. Kahit anong pilit nya na sumama ako para manood di ako pumupunta dahil gabing gabi na kung sila makapag practice. But I never forgot to say Goodnight before i got to sleep. I was shocked nung nireply nya "Goodnight Best ko , I LOVE YOU" habang tumatagal ang mga convos everyday and night nakasanayan ko na rin na sumagot ng I LOVE YOU TOO best ko....

The only person na nakakaalam was JEAN about those convos. I wasn’t aware na may alam pala si Jean about ONE little secret from my bestfriend. She told me there was this Lesbian who wants to court my bestfriend. So I asked my bestfriend a question through TEXT because I couldn't ask anything personally dahil... hindi naman talaga ako pala tanong. "Best what if may manligaw sayo. would you entertain?.".. i asked. Sagot nya.. "Babae o Lalaki?"... medyo nashocked ako. tapos sabi ko "Tomboy." di sya nagreply. so i assumed na expired na ang unlitext nya or nakatulugan na nya yung message ko. Kinaumagahan sa school She texted me to have a breakfast sa canteen. so late ako nagising at late na rin pumasok sa klase. Computer Archi yung subject kakapasok ko lang so sa last row ako umupo. Di ako tumabi sa kanya but She looked at me na parang naiinis na may sinasabing MAG-UUSAP-TAYO-MAMAYA look. after the class yung barkada namin kumain muna saglit at tumambay sa bhaus ni Toto.. nagsabi si Bestfriend na may kukunin muna sa bhaus nya kaya susunod lang kaming dalawa. Inignore ko na yung tanong ko kagabi sa kanya na di nya sinagot. So sinamahan ko sya papuntang bhaus nya. tumambay saglit doon. tinulugan ako.

I stared at her back. napatalikod na din ako. tingin sa Galleries ng phone ko at nakikinig ng music. bigla nya akong niyakap sa likod.. yung feeling na nasa cloud 9 ka dahil may yumayakap sayo. sheeet. Kinabahan ako. ginawa akong pillow tapos kinuha yung kamay ko hinawakan nya. gusto ko matulog pero di ko magawa dahil di ko talaga ma explain ang feelings ko that moment. Humarap ako sa kanya. Parang gusto ko syang halikan na ewan pero ayoko baka masampal ako sa mukha hahaha pero... sa totoo lang,. the Best moment na yun para sa akin. tumalikod sya tapos hinug ko din sya. Kung mababasa nya to alam ko na may something so awkward feeling na alam namin pareho sa isat isa that time. i whispered "Best..." sabi nya "Hmmm." obviously nagtutulugtulugan lang sya from that moment. sabi ko agad.. "Nagtext ai Alot..pupunta pa tayo??".. tapos di sya sumagot.

It doesn't matter anyway, basta kasama ko bestfriend ko that time. parang complete na yung araw ko. wala akong pakialam kung sino manligaw sa kanya o kung sino man yung sinasabi ni Jean na may gusto sa bestfriend ko. Basta masaya ako that time na kasama sya.

Pictures everywhere. Peoples park. Mall. School. Gym. Exhibit. with tawaw Elenor. yung bond namin tatlo tumibay. Mas madami pa silang pictures sa galleries ng phone ko kesa sa akin. Masaya! lalo na pag preserved lahat ng moments. kulitan. Graduation day. Party kina Karlo. nagtampo sya that night dahil sumama ako kay Toto papuntang downtown. matagal kami nakabalik kina karlo. Antok na daw sya gusto ng umuwi. Sabi ko kasama naman nya si Tawaw. wag nalang ako hintayin. Nagalit sya dahil pag di pa daw ako nakabalik doon eh uuwi na sya mag isa. Nung makabalik na kami, She decided na to go home kasama ako at si tawaw.. i really dont remember kung nagtaxi ba kami or jeep basta hinatid ko sya sa bhaus nya. Niyakap ko sya as usual na ginagawa ng mag bestfriends. Nang makauwi na ako. Yung feeling na parang inaassumed mong may kasintahan ka pero imagination mo lang pala. LOL

Nakakairita na ewan. Nakakainis. Gusto ko sya ligawan pero di ko magawa. alam ko maraming may ayaw sa ganun. kapag nagkataon edi.. basta. Lagi ko sinasabi that time sa sarili ko na mananatili syang bestfriend ko. No other than that. I would never do such thing na makakasira sa friendship namin. I promised her na kahit anong mangyari I am always be here for her. Always.

Birthday ni Karlo.

Ininvite kami ni karlo sa birthday nya. i forgot the resorts name. somewhere in Lanang. sinabay na rin yung Belated Happy birthday nya that day. well. I asked her a little favor that day. Mag change kami ng Phone. just for ONE NIGHT ONLY. at first ayaw nya. sabi ko promised one night lang kasi para di malaman ng tita ko na may camera phone ako. hahaha so pumayag sya.

That night, some inbox messages from her phone memory ay hindi nadelete or nandoon pa rin. syempre mga quotes. mahilig ako sa mga quotes kaya kinokopya ko at finoforward.... there are few messages on that inbox na medyo BUMULAGA sa mata ko. Just to put the past, behind that past...I will never included it here. Ang sakit kaya makabasa ng ganun.

I asked her a question after reading those messages. so nireply nya agad "Best bukas mag eexplain ako.".. sabi ko "No.. now na."

Mahaba ang reply nya napuno agad ang inbox ng phone . Di ko nireplyan ang mga sinabi nya. Naiiyak ako sa galit. as in Galit na galit ako. parang kinakain ng sikmura ko yung lamang loob ko. di ko maexplain that time yung reaction ko. parang yung building na ginawa namin dalawa eh biglang nasira at gumuho. Galit na galit ako sobra nung mga oras na yun para akong sinaksak patalikod. Yung Love ko sa kanya na di ko nasabi noon pa parang napalitan ng galit sa isang iglap lang..

Kinabukasan nagkita kami. Mugtong na yung mga mata ko. Nagchange kami agad ng phones. Pinaka masakit na sinabi nya "Sinadya ko makipagpalitan ng phone. Pumayag ako agad kasi gusto ko ikaw mismo maka alam." natawa ako sa sinabi nya habang lumuluha ako. Sagot ko "FUCK YOU!!" galit ako eh. wala na ako magagawa eh yun ang naisagot ko that time. if only i could turn it back, I WILL NEVER Say anything stupid Like that. Diko na mababalikan at mababago mga words na nasabi kong hindi maganda. Sana tinanggap ko nalang yung apology nya. Sana tinanggap ko nalang yung Sorry nya. hindi sana ganito nangyari na mas lalo nasira yung friendship namin dahil dinagdagan ko yung galit ko. pero nahatid ko pa sya kahit galit ako that day. Someone texted me that day. a very familiar number. yung number na nakalagay sa message na nabasa ko sa inbox ng Phone. Syempre yoko na balikan yun dahil resulta nun sila pa ang nagkampihan syempre mag jowa eh. i replied to that number with insults and some rude na i know they deserved it from me.

Sana di na ako nakipagpalitan ng phone. Sana di nya ako pinagbigyan sa favor ko. lahat kasi ng favor ko those times eh binibigay nya. Sana di nalang ako nanghalungkat ng mga kung ano ano sa phone na yun. yun talaga eh. Sana di na ako nakipag exchange. Sana she kept it secret nalang forever para walang ganito. pero ano pa nga ba. walang lihim na hindi nabubunyag eh. haissst. tawaaaaw. Naiiyak ako sobraaa. Sana maka invent ako ng time machine. gusto ko balikan lahat at baguhin yung past na to. gusto ko manatili ung secret nya. Sana tinaggap ko sya. Naging open minded sana ako. grrrr

After a days or 2 weeks without communication. April 24 2009..

tinext ko sya. namimiss ko eh. sabi ko “Bati na tayo pls miss na kita sobra. ayoko mawala ka sa akin.”. . rumeply sya agad. "Miss you too Best. may pasalubong ako sayo.. uuwi ako davao." tapos syempre yung mga kulitan namin that DAY bumalik. BUT.....

Another stupid people ang ayaw talagang maging ok kami ng bestfriend ko. wag nalang balikan dahil wala naman magbabago. so syempre. Gulo naman ang inabot. ang masakit pa.. Ako pa ang naging masama dahil pinapatulan ko pa daw. Sila pa yung gumulo.. Ako pa yung napasama.

Nakipag kita sa akin si Chiwawa (yan tawag ko sa freaky creature na yun dahil sa inis ko) and bestfriend. syempre gusto mag sorry.. galit na naman peg ko that time.

i'd tried to listen to them. in short di ko tinanggap ang sorry nila dahil may mga involved na other creatures. grabe. i thought that it was just all about me, her and that freaky pero hindi eh.. dami ng nainvolved. nadamay na pati buong barkada namin that time. I wasn’t supposed to tell them the truth kaya lang napapansin naman nila ang mga ginagawa ko sa friendster ( YUN ANG USO way back) that time.

They were just concerned not only to me but to everyone on the circles. They tried to reach her pero di na sya sumasagot. I also wanted to talk to her dahil alam kong maayos na kami that time. pero hindi eh. umiwas sya. the last text i received was "GOODLUCK ON YOUR CAREER." i replied her goodluck din.. sana maging masaya ka sa pinili mo. But the other parties were keep on talking shit about me. ayoko na balikan. dun na nagtatapos yun.

Ano bang mali dito?.. am i stupid na di ko sya sinuportahan? di ko sya kinampihan?.. we're ok. but suddenly shiits just BOOMED it.. Am I not a good bestfriend?.. Mali ba na minahal ko din sya pero di ko lang nasabi?.. ang daming sumasagi sa isip ko recently. parang feeling ko. nasa past pa rin ako. Di ako makatulog started noon dahil sa nangyari. yung insomnia ko lumala ng lumalà. Lagi akong inaanxious lately. Feeling ko tinatawag ako ng nakaraan sabay sabing “UMAYOS KA NA! AYUSIN MO TO!”

Ginawa ko ang paràan na makalimutan sya. Binigyan ko yung sarili ko ng chance na mahalin ulit yung sarili ko. Habang tumagal ang time na di ko na sya nakikita at nakakausap eh nasanay na rin ako. pero syempre mahirap kalimutan ang kaibigan na malalim yung pinag daanan at pinagsamahan nyo. I really missed her. 4 yrs ago nakita ko sya. well masaya ako nakita ko sya sa mall.. pero nag iba paningin ko nung makita ko kasama nya si chiwawa.. masaya na siguro sya kasama nun. siguro yun talaga hinahanap nya. baka nga nagkulang ako na mapasaya sya. baka nga di sya naging masaya kasama ako. dahil nga BESTFRIENDS kami.

Sana may time machine. sana magkaroon ako ng powers. sana bumalik na yung dati. kung hindi man kami maging bestfriends ulit. sana nakausap ko man lang sya kahit na ako na mismo mag sosorry hindi dahil may kasalanan ako or ako yung dahilan. Mag so sorry ako sa kanya for letting my anger hurted her. for letting her go na sana diko sya pinakawalan kahit bestfriend lang din turing nya sa akin ayos lang basta mapatawad nya ako or magkapatawaran kami. maging ayos na yung past ko para maka move on na ako sa future. alam na alam namin sa isat isa na di magiging ok ang future kapag hindi naaayos ang past. Alam ko naka moved on sya. Sometimes I wondered how she sleeps.. sumagi na ba ako minsan sa isip nya? namimiss din ba nya kami ni tawaw? namiss ba nya ako? gusto din ba nya yung gusto namin mangyari now?.. Gusto ko ulit sya makitaaaa kahit once lang. Gusto ko sya makausap kahit saglit lang.

kung di man ngayon.. sana in the future ma settle na. ma ayos. sana makalimutan ko na rin lahat.. di ako nagsisisi na di ko agad sya nasagot dahil alam ko lahat ng consequences kapag may ginawa ako. i made sure na maganda ang trato ng lahat not only sa akin but for her. pero baliktad. I even treated her as a stranger. Hindi natupad yung promise ko sakanya na nandyan ako no matter what. Yes she kept everything secret from me and from everybody. but somehow she was just afraid of everyone. Now I came to realized na sana di ko sya hinusgahan agad. di ako nagpadala sa emotion ko..

I was immature. i know hanggang ngayon ganun pa rin ako. i hope na sana if maging ok kami. if lang naman. i will never ever let her go again... i miss you Best!!!! sobraaaa :(

When Boredom Strikes

2012-10-06T23:23:00.002-07:00

at the office during work :))

In my recent activities before starting my job last week, I decided to concentrate on my doings so i could focus on my work. But when the day starts, it takes time for me to wake up so early every time my clock will alarmed, i always put it off or i set it up into next minute to alarm because i still feel sleepy and my eyes still closed. But when i started my routine and went to the office, it doesn't pressure my time there coz everyone there doesn't feel it too so what i do is that i find myself surfing on the networking sites to ease my boredom. i say to myself "so boring, why cant i open my internet on my unit, (well the office is not strict for the employees to have their time on the computer) i can do surf on the net every time when i don't have any task." the company assigned me on the mapping division so work for me there is not so hard because i had a background on the software they used for the mapping. 2 task in just an hour, so easy huh? :)) someone said to me how did I finished all the task in an hour because most of them finished 1 task in 3 days. i said i just gotta do what i can do and its not so hard to do it. when i finished task, there i go again, boredom strikes on me again. i don't have earphone for my music to ease my boring situation here. finding games and anything i could do on my unit to pass the time. singing myself out of tuned, oh yeah i could do so much better at my room. haha well as boredom keeps striking on me, there my candies on my pocket that i almost got it all and nothings left. i'm happy for my new job right now, I missed doing my salah (prayer) while doing work on the office but i don't forget the Name above Who gave me all these blessings. every time i leave the office to go home, half of my body feels tiredness and half of it feels "I gotta work so hard." after washing up myself, i would find myself to sleep but sometimes it takes loong time to find it because sometimes insomnia strikes on me. what i do after washed up is to get my laptop and had some movie marathon until i could sleep. before i sleep i do sunnah prayers to thank God for the wonderful day He gave me and Thanking Him also for the bad day that I handled in a good way. :) boredom for me is not sticking you all the way. you can feel it whenever you don't have anything to do with yourself. the things you can do when boredom strikes, you need to find and look for the other way to ease what you feel and love what you do because doing it with yourself is like entertaining your own happiness as well as your love ones. :)

mY wEAKNESS, mY STRENGth.

2012-07-15T00:03:00.003-07:00

Photo NOT mine :)

In life, that i live. I grew up with fear of losing someone, that's my weakness which I considered in my whole life. I think i was gone crazy when seeing someone was lost in front of my eyes. i experienced it when i lost the man who raised me since i was born in this world, my granduncle, yes, i live with my beloving parents but my granduncle was the one who took care me and trained me in terms of religions and way of life. My "Amatuwa" (Grandfather in English), though he was just my mom's uncle, He looked for my mother as his own daughter since my mom was only 4yrs old when her mom (Amatuwa's sister) died. since then, my Amatuwa never leave once from my mom's side. until my mom got married my dad, having her own family, My amatuwa stayed and took care of us as his own grandchildren. God blessed my mom and dad a five children. I was the only one from the family who always looking for amatuwa all the time, well, it's because i was never asleep when he never took me to the "DUYAN" and sing for me his own lullaby. in our place, he was a famous "BLIND MAN", yes he was blind, He cannot see everything. But my amatuwa has a knowledge of everything, He taught me everything in this world. he always telling me stories as if i was watching a movie or series because when he started to tell stories, i kept on imagining what he has to tell because it was so good to hear about it,. the story of our ascendants, the story of the prophets, God vs. Satan, everything under the sun, you gotta asked him about anything and you will get an answer all the while. Well i don't know where he got that knowledge, but for me, He was the Homer of the family. he also talked about his love life, when he was just a teenager and still see the world, he never refuses to tell it. He was happy for the woman he loves, he just told the woman not to see him again for she was just wasting her time seeing a blindman like him, and he told her that she can find someone else better than him, can see her and even love her for the rest of his life. That was a very sad love story i had ever heard in my entire life. Though he was blind, he was happy with us, he told me to share evrything i knew in this world, the history, and if ever someone will asked about which love story i can share with, i will proposely and willing to tell everything about my amatuwa and his girlfriend. that woman never dissappear when amatuwa told her, but then they were remain friends, but the worst thing is, the woman stayed single as for this day though my amatuwa told her to get married, she never did it. well my amatuwa was a soldier from world war II in the philippines, but sad to say he never gets his benefits until the day he died in my arms. I hate this government. The veterans like my amatuwa do not deserved being abandon by the country they used to protect from the enemies. i really don't like the policy and the governance of this country. my amatuwas name was on the list of the veterans, but how come his name dissappeared when obama administration gave the veterans benefits? how was that?? my heartbreaks when my amatuwas get sick ans sick until we reside in davao. we expected for his benefits over and over again but sad part, he never got anything. until he died, he was happy,. he smiled at me like i will never seen smile like that again. he just told me, he cannot bring those money or anything in this world to his destiny. he cannot bring anything in his grave. his last words, "THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD, AND MUHAMMAD IS HIS LAST MESSENGER". and the wind blows in my face, i lost him. I was crying all day and all night. I missed him so bad. when time comes, in God's will i will share everyhting my amatuwa's told me. but for now, i just want to share what i felt for this day. everytime i think about him, I really get weak, but when i remember all his teachings i feel he was my strenght that he always telling me "MOVE FORWARD". losing that man in my life was the beginning of my fear of someone. and i don't want to let it happen again. I will do anything and everything to give my love and treasure very moment of our life to my parents. you cannot choose your parents. God choses parents for us. I have to love them not because they are my parents, but they are my weakness and my strenght. I love my family. people can come and go from you. but family stays for you forever in heart and mind. i do not know what i am gonna do without them. My amatuwa always telling me to love my parents, to protect them, even when they say it's good or it's bad for you just love them. Even i was not a favorite kid in the family, i always tell my self to love my family the way God loves us. sometimes i had hated my dad, and my brothers for let that happen when we lost amatuwa. i blamed them. but i realized, God has purpose for let it happen. That was the very weakest part of my entire life. But the words of my amatuwa came into my mind, "YOUR PARENTS ARE ALWAYS THERE, YOU LOOK FOR THEM, LOVE THEM." i knew it was that happen for a reason. but irealized though, somebody outthere are crying for losing there parents, but me, i have my parents so why am i crying like i lost them?, it's because, my amatuwa was the one who took care of me like his own child. He was my mom and he was my dad, when my dad and mom doesn't look for me. I was jealous of my siblings, but my amatuwa treated me like he's favorite kid. i love my parents though, i love them and i don't want to lose them like i felt for amatuwa. they are my strenght. and i pray to God that He will blessed my parents for their goodhealth. i will do anything for them. May God bless my family. i couldn't talk to my amatuwa coz he's already dead. but i know God is watching and knows everything that anyone cannot. this blog helps me a alot to feel free whenever i don't talk to anyone. i hope readers will get some thing good from my blog.

WHAT IS JIHAD? (HOLY WAR)

2012-06-03T17:30:00.000-07:00

Posted Credit by Zaara from United Muslim World admin :)

The media in the west has been sucked up into accommodating or reporting this false interpretation.

“Jihad“

The Quranic Definition

One of the most manipulated concepts in Islam today is the concept of “Jihad”.

The concept of “Jihad” is indeed a Quranic one, but sadly, a false and twisted version of this Quranic concept has been used by terrorists acting in the name of Islam to commit various terrorist acts. These terrorist acts, which occur all over the world, aim at the indiscriminate killing of innocent people. They are being undertaken in the name of “jihad”. These non-Islamic acts have gone a long way towards distorting the image of Islam.

As with any religious concept, it’s correct definition lies in the scripture and not in the interpretation of humans. To fully understand the Quranic concept of Jihad, it is essential to address the following issues:

1- The Quranic definition of the word Jihad

2- What is “The Cause of God”?

3- Does the concept of a “Holy war” have Quranic authorisation?

FIRST: The Quranic definition of the word Jihad

The literal definition of the word Jihad is: striving to achieve a goal, while as the Quranic definition of the word is “striving with one’s self and one’s money in the cause of God”.

This Quranic definition is confirmed in a number of Quranic verses which speak of jihad. The following are some examples:

“The true believers are those who believe in God and His messenger, then attain the status of having no doubt whatsoever, and strive (jahadu) with their money and their lives in the cause of God. These are the truthful ones.” 49:15

“Those who believe, and emigrate, and strive (jahadu) in the cause of God with their money and their lives, are far greater in rank in the sight of God. These are the winners.” 9:20

“As for the messenger and those who believed with him, they eagerly strive (jahadu) with their money and their lives. These have deserved all the good things; they are the winners.” 9:88

p.s. the word “jahadu” is the verb form of the noun “jihad.

SECOND : The Cause of God

Now that we have established that Jihad means to strive with one’s self and one’s money in the cause of God, we need to determine what is the Quranic meaning of the phrase: “the cause of God”?

Striving to uphold the “cause of God” simply means striving to uphold all God’s commandments and a strive to condemn all God’s prohibitions. Hence, a “Jihad” in the cause of God is a strive to preach and uphold God’s way and God’s Law. Since the word Jihad has been manipulated to advocate violence and the killing of innocent people, it is necessary to establish, with clear Quranic evidence, that the “cause of God” does not allow unlawful killing or violence.

1- First, we must always be aware of the prime declaration in the Quran which states that God does not advocate sin:

"God never advocates sin. Are you saying about God what you do not know?" 7:28

2- Following from that, the Quran states categorically that killing any innocent soul is a gross sin:

"...... You shall not kill - God has made life sacred - except in the course of justice. These are His commandments to you, that you may understand." 6:151 "You shall not kill any person - for God has made life sacred - except in the course of justice. ....." 17:33

The prohibition to kill any innocent soul has always been the law of God, in the Quran and in all previous scripture:

"......, we decreed for the Children of Israel that anyone who murders any person who had not committed murder or horrendous crimes, it shall be as if he murdered all the people. " 5:32

3- God does not allow fighting (war) except in the case of self defense:

" .......... If they leave you alone, refrain from fighting you, and offer you peace, then God gives you no excuse to fight them" 4:90

"If they resort to peace, so shall you, and put your trust in God. He is the Hearer, the Omniscient." 8:61 “do not aggress; God dislikes the aggressors.” 5:87

4- God commands that there will be no compulsion in religion:

"There shall be no compulsion in religion ..." 2:256

"You have your religion and I have mine" 109:6 "Had your Lord willed, all the people on earth would have believed. Do you want to force the people to become believers?" 10:99

The commands in the above verses are very clear. The Quran confirms that belief must be attained voluntarily and not forcibly. If we are forced into becoming Muslims, there would be no credit due. The choice must be a voluntary one.

"Proclaim: "This is the truth from your Lord," then Whoever wills let him believe, and whoever wills let him disbelieve" 18:29

"You shall remind, for your mission is to deliver this reminder. You have no power over them" 88:21-22

The message of no compulsion in religion is once again emphasised in the above Quranic words.

5- Quran advocates pardon, forgiveness and tolerance:

"You shall resort to pardon, advocate tolerance, and disregard the ignorant" 7:199

"Tell those who believe to forgive those who do not long for the days of (meeting) God. He will fully pay everyone for whatever they have earned." 45:14

The Quran condemns the killing or even the persecution of people merely because they embrace a different religion. The Quran mandates absolute freedom of religion among all people. Respect and mutual co-existence must be exercised with those of other religions. The Quran urges Muslims to treat such people kindly and equitably:

"God does not enjoin you from befriending those who do not fight you because of religion, and do not evict you from your homes. You may befriend them and be equitable towards them. God loves the equitable." 60:8

---------------------------------

As all the above verses indicate, the Quran is clear in prohibiting all violence, unlawful killing and also forcing others into Islam.

Attacks on civilians and on innocent people around the world by these terrorist groups is a violation of all the verses quoted above. This is an act that is condemned by all religions including Islam.

=============================

THIRD : Is there such a thing as a “Holy War” in the Quran?

Various terrorist groups portray “jihad” as a “holy war”. The media in the west has been sucked up into accommodating or reporting this false interpretation.

In the light of the Quran, there is no war which is holy; not under any circumstances. In fact, the whole text of the Quran promotes peace rather than war. The word Islam itself is a derivative of the word “salam” which means peace.

There are times, and in specific circumstances, when the option of war is allowed. This stems from the fact that the Quran advocates opposition to aggression and oppression. And thus, in such circumstances war is allowed but only as an act of self defence, but never as an act of aggression.

Whenever there is a possibility to avoid war, then this alternative, as long as it is reasonable, must be taken.

"You shall prepare for them all the power you can muster, and all the equipment you can mobilize, that you may frighten the enemies of God, your enemies, as well as others who are not known to you; God knows them. Whatever you spend in the cause of God will be repaid to you generously, without the least injustice. If they resort to peace, so shall you, and put your trust in God. He is the Hearer, the Omniscient." 8:60-61

"Permission (to fight) is granted to those who are being persecuted, since injustice has befallen them, and God is certainly able to support them. They were evicted from their homes unjustly, for no reason other than saying, "Our Lord is God." If it were not for God's supporting of some people against others, monasteries, churches, synagogues, and masjids - where the name of God is commemorated frequently - would have been destroyed. Absolutely, God supports those who support Him. God is Powerful, Almighty." 22:39-40

The case made in the Quran for war, and perhaps the most important and often confused as a holy war, is the war “in the cause of God”. Fighting an oppressor or aggressor is fighting against oppression or aggression, thus it is fighting for justice and therefore in the cause of God.

”You may fight “in the cause of God” against those who attack you, but do not aggress. God does not love the aggressors.” 2:190

Clearly as the above verse states, fighting in the cause of God is a case of fighting an aggressor and thus is a case of fighting in self defense.

Fighting oppression “in the cause of God” is also the subject of 4:75

"Those who readily fight in the cause of God are those who forsake this world in favor of the Hereafter. Whoever fights in the cause of God, then gets killed, or attains victory, we will surely grant him a great recompense. Why should you not fight in the cause of God when weak men, women, and children are imploring: "Our Lord, deliver us from this community whose people are oppressive, and be You our Lord and Master." 4:74-75

Thus it becomes clear that the concept of a strive “in the cause of God”, is not restricted to the case of fighting a war “in the cause of God”, it is also about striving with one’s self and one’s money in the cause of God. This could be a strive to spread the “way of God”, or even giving charity as per the words:

“You shall spend in the cause of God; do not throw yourselves with your own hands into destruction. You shall be charitable; God loves the charitable.” 2:195

The underlined words confirm the relationship between spending “in the cause of God” and having that money spent towards charitable causes.

-----------------------------

To conclude, it is quite clear that the word “Jihad” has been badly manipulated by those with political aims, and in violation of the Quranic truth. The word “Holy” has never been used in the Quran in connection with war. There simply is no reference anywhere in the Quran for what they call “holy war”.

There are times when war is permitted, but as we have seen in all the Quranic words, it is only permitted as a practice of self defence, and it is never called a “holy war”. Islam resolves around the concept of peace:

"If they resort to peace, so shall you, and put your trust in God. He is the Hearer, the Omniscient." 8:61

ZAARA .. :D

it's been a while..

2012-06-02T04:50:00.001-07:00

hey buddy, missed posting your thoughts here huh? that's because you're too busy with your other happy sites.. but that doesn't matter anyway. now, what is your plan buddy?.. i know you would say "God's plan is better than yours." right buddy?.. you are right with that. just keep up your imaan (faith) on Allah (God) cause He is your protector and your best Planner on your life. don't be stupid on things you can't wait. Be patient and chill. Everything will be under His control and you gotta be on straight path. hey buddy, just be yourself and do not be afraid. If God is with you then nothing you cant handle. In shaa Allah (God willing) you will be success in your life and your dream would come true, in shaa Allah.

MAKE MONEY NOW!

2011-11-16T05:45:00.000-08:00

BE A MILLIONAIRE! CLICK TO JOIN! :)

2011-11-16T03:39:00.000-08:00

Lauren Booth - Tony Blair's sister in law - converts to Islam LIVE at GP...

2010-10-27T21:41:00.000-07:00

WELCOME To ISLAM.... :) MashaAllah..

Two Worlds Collide by Demi Lovato

2009-06-29T21:26:00.000-07:00

this song is really awesome and great for all bestfriends in the whole world... for my bff.. this is for you.. :D I really miss you! :(

It was just a dream... \^o^/

2009-06-21T04:02:00.000-07:00

Last night, when I was about to sleep,.I was wondering if how would I dream the things that I want to see even if it'll just a dream. That moment I was thinkin about my Past and the Future Life that I want to be. I want to see what I wanted to see even if it's not possible to make it happen like seeing people from my past and wishing that I would see them in the future. I closed my eyes then suddenly...

A two girls came out from a room and closed the door by one of them (I don't know exactly where was that room from or what was the place because it's not clear on my vision but I'm sure it's a room) then I shouted "MADAM!" and the two was stared at me, one of them came closer then took my hand and said "Ui Musta?" ("Hey, How are You?")..then finally I recognized her. She's the twin of my ex-bestfriend (then Perhaps the other one was her twin..hahah!). By that, I was trying to find the other but She was gone. 'Madam' suddenly whispered at me "OK LANG YAN" ("It's Ok!") and then she embraced me.

My eyes opened and realized that I was on my bed. "Xet, Panaginip lang pala!" ("Shit!, jus a dream!") I whispered. I'd tried to remember what was it and the faces of the people behind my dream last night ( hahaha lolz!). I've asked some of my friends, txtmates and even my mom, "Ano ang PANAGINIP?" (What is a Dream?). My mom says "Mga Bagay na gusto mong mangyari in the future" ("It is SOMETHING that you want to make it happen in the future"). One of my close friend says "Mga feelings mo na kinikeep mo lang sa sarili mo tapos ayaw mong mangyari in reality" ("Its just your emotional feelings that you kept for yourself and then you don't want to show it in reality")...

But for me, that dream was meaningless. I don't understand what IT'S trying to tell me so I can't figure it out...I finally realized, "Wag maxadong mag isip ng bagay na gusto mong makita sa panaginip! lalo na pag di mo rin ma gets ang ibig sabihin nito! haha" (don't think about something that you want to see in your dream! especially when it's weird)..(shortcut!).hahaha! .But then again that dream was still a big question for me, coz I believe that every dream has a meaning though IT WAS JUST A DREAM!.. :) (make it sense! kinda' weird though!)..(la lang ma post eh! hmmmm) :D

myLot User Profile

Moment of Truth

2009-05-31T02:43:00.000-07:00

I don't visit my blogsite more often. Though I want to share my thoughts and what my daily doings to express it through here. Everybody is tired visiting their own blogs for they are too busy for some social networking and some are busy to their chores and even professional works.This day, I scrolled some musics/songs from my ipod and one of it got my attention to listened to it again. Last time I heard that song was about two years ago with my bestfriends.

The song was "MOMENT OF TRUTH" by FM Static. It got my attention to listened to it again maybe because I remember someone who was singing that song with ofcourse the backgroud music itself through my phone and with my other friend. The song was our fave that time and we love singing that song playfully after class hours for bonding of our friendship and forgetting the hectic deadlines of some sorts of damn projects in school that time , that's why everytime I heard that song, I always remember our moments in school, the laughs and the jokes part of it (career singing the song! lol!..hehe).. when we got separated (no communication, friendship is over for some unreasonable reasons hahaha!), I realized that the more we loved someone that closed to our hearts, the more we get hurt when we started to know everything the truth behind them. Truth is important when being close to someone or it might be your friend. Honesty and Trust is a part of it.

I hate lying to myself that I hate that person, no!.. the most part of it that I couldn't lie to myself was missing her and missing everything about our friendship. . . Indeed that I almost cried all night being myself that I had no shoulders to cry on not because I was weak and can't go on because of the truth that I couldn't accept and even curse it wishing that it was all a nightmare, but it wasn't so I have to moved on and it was over. Yet I am strong and those past really fades in our hearts but not in the memory. Everytime I think about it (the past), I just hate myself why I have to think about it,.. no reasons, but yes I missed her. I missed the way we were before, our laughs and even our cries at each other. Why I posted this emotional feelings that I am right now?.. It's because I want to share it to my friends out there that has been torned in truth and lies from their love ones.

I kept on telling to myself and even to my friends, there's no way to hate someone elses faults or regretting some decisions made by ourselves or choosing some wrong destiny or whatever you may call it, It was all ourselves! and not somebody elses faults. We just follow the truth in our hearts, maybe we can say we didn't use our minds, but what do we do? it was a heart matters.

Anything we hid to ourselves that we think of it as "need not" to show it, TRUTH will always come out whatever we do to hide it. Now as I listened to my ex-bestfriends favorite song a couple of years ago, I realized that In all the Lies she made from the past, our friendship was the Truth. :'-)

My Fave Songs from HEY MONDAY's album "HOLD ON TIGHT"

2009-04-30T18:52:00.000-07:00

(HEY MONDAY)

*** These are my fave songs from Hey Monday's album Hold On Tight
*** For the music just stay and listen to my media right side.. :)

Song 1:

CANDLES

The power lines went out
And I am all alone
But I don’t really care at all
Not answering my phone
All the games you played
The promises you made
Couldn’t finish what you started
Only darkness still remains

Lost sight
Couldn’t see
When it was you and me

Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
I’m beginning to see the light
Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
But I think I’ll be alright

Been black and blue before
There’s no need to explain
I am not the jaded kind
Playback’s such a waste
You’re invisible
Invisible to me
My wish is coming true
Erase the memory of your face

Lost sight
Couldn’t see
When it was you and me

Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
I’m beginning to see the light
Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
But I think I’ll be alright

One day
You will wake up
With nothing but “you’re sorrys”
And someday
You will get back
Everything you gave me

Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
I’m beginning to see the light
Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
But I think I’ll be alright...

(CASSADEE POPE)

SONG 2:

6 MONTHS

You're the direction I follow to get home
When I feel like I can't go on, you tell me to go
And it's like I can't feel a thing without you around
And don't mind me if I get weak in the knees
'Cause you have that effect on me, you do

Everything you say
Every time we kiss, I can't think straight
But I'm okay
And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you

Months going strong now, and no goodbye
Unconditional, unoriginal
Always by my side
Meant to be together
Meant for no one but each other
You love me, I love you harder so

Everything you say
Every time we kiss, I can't think straight
But I'm okay
And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you

So please, give me your hand
So please, give me a lesson on how to steal, steal the heart
As fast as you stole mine, as you stole mine (yeahahah)

Oh and everything you say
Every time we kiss, I can't think straight
But I'm okay
And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you

So please, give me your hand
So please, just take my hand. ..

*** I HOPE EVERYONE iS IN LOVE WITH IT...hehe.. so melodic.. :)

SULTANATE and HISTORY of MAGUINDANAO

2009-04-24T20:58:00.000-07:00

Go to this site for the complete infos :MAGUINDANAO SULTANS

The Maguindanao Rulers and Sultans: A Historical Outline

SHARIF MUHAMMAD KABUNGSUWAN. According to the Maguindanao tarsilas, his father was the Sharif ‘Ali Zein ul-‘Abidin from Arabia, and his mother belonged to the royal family of Johore. It may be speculated that he arrived on the shores of Mindanao around 1515.

SHARIF MAKA-ALANG. He was a son of Muhammad Kabungsuwan and surnamed “Saripada”. His mother Angintabu was a daughter of an Iranun chief from the area now known as Malabang.

In 1543, during the Villalobos expedition, some Spaniards were able to go to the mouth of a big river (Pulangi) where they were informed by the inhabitants that the chief was called “Sarriparra”. This being a variation of “salipada” or “saripada”, it can be surmised that the chief was the Sharif Maka-alang; especially if it is considered that not only does a tarsila explicitly state that the Sharif had such a title but that such a title was not found among his immediate successors.

DATU BANGKAYA. He was a son of Sharif Maka-alang. In 1574, Guido de Lavezaris wrote to the Spanish King that the chief of Mindanao River wanted to become a friend of the Spaniards. In another Spanish report dated 1579, this chief is referred to as “Asulutan” (Arabic, As-sulutan) with the information that he was a father of Diman Sankay and that he had already died. This refers probably to Datu Bangkaya who by 1574 must have been reigning for some time, since in 1579, his son Dimansankay, was considered by the Spaniards to have been “an old man”. Datu Bangkaya could also have been the ruler in the Pulangi who was reported to have died in 1578.

DATU DIMANSANKAY. He was a son of Bangkaya. Spanish reports say that he was ruling in 1579 and that he was an old man. The leading datus of the Iranuns and Maranaos all claim descent from him.

DATU SALIKULA. He was the half brother of Dimansankay and also known as Gugu Salikula. Up to early 1597, he appeared to be a leading chief of Maguindanao, Dimansankay being dead at that time. According to tarsilas, he married a Sulu princess, and therefore he might have been the Maguindanao chief seen in Jolo in 1597 where he was supposed to have been banished for being “restless and rebellious” and who was further described as a brother-in-law of the Sulu ruler and an uncle of the Maguindanao Rajah Muda (erroneously called “King”) by the Spaniards. He was chief around 1585 to 1597.

KAPITAN LAUT BUISAN. He was a younger half-brother of both Dimansankay and Salikula; he was sometimes called by the title “Katchil”. His rule began around 1597 when he displaced Salikula; he controlled his nephew, the Rajah Muda, a son of Dimansankay. He must have been chief at least up to 1619, since Dutch sources mention relations with the immediate predecessor of Qudarat at this date.

SULTAN QUDARAT. A son of Buisan, he was known to the Spaniards as Corralat and to some Dutch writers as Guserat.

In 1619-1621, there was war between Buayan and Maguindanao, probably dynastic or a contest for primacy in the Pulangi. Qudarat must have been involved in this war for not long after a temporary reversal he appears as excercising some political power over Buayan. Furthermore, he must have consolidated his power well enough after this to enable him to attack Sarangani in 1625. He died about the end of 1671 after having ruled about half a century. His rule, with varying fortunes and at different capitals can, therefore, be fairly estimated to have taken place from 1619 to 1671. By 1645, he was already using the title of “sultan”. As a young man he was entitled “Katchil”. His great grandchildren referred to him as Nasir ud-Din.

SULTAN DUNDANG TIDULAY. He was a son of Qudarat and there is a report that he died before his father. If he ruled at all, it must have been for a very short time. He was referred to as Saif ud-Din by his grandchildren.

SULTAN BARAHAMAN (Arabic, ‘Abd ur-Rahman). He was a son of Sultan Tidulay. He was also known as Minulu sa rahmatullah. His sons referred to him as Muhammad Shah. He was Almo Sobat (Arabic, Al Mu-Thabbat) to William Dampier or the Almo al Lasab Brahaman to the Spaniards. The name of his grandfather Qudarat was also used by him. He was heard of as sultan early as 1678. Information given to Dutch officials at Ternate was that he died on July 6, 1699.

SULTAN KAHAR UD-DIN KUDA. He was a younger brother of Barahaman and was sometimes known as Jamal ul-‘Azam. He also assumed the title of Amir ul-‘Umara as well as that of Maulana. His reign was contested by two of his nephews, the sons of Barahaman. To make more secure his authority, he asked the aid of the Sulu Sultan Shahab ud-Din who came over to Simuay where Kuda held court. A misunderstanding as well as bitterness due to a long standing feud brought about a pitched battle between the Sulus and Maguindanaos. In the struggle, the Sulu Sultan personally slew Kuda. This event took place on August 10, 1702.

SULTAN BAYAN UL-ANWAR. His other regal name was Jalal ud-Din. Entitled “Dipatuan” during his lifetime, he was known after his death as Mupat Batua. He was a son of Sultan Barahaman. In 1701, he was already intriguing against his uncle the Sultan. He succeeded to the throne in 1702 and held court in Slangan but was often in Sibugay. His younger brother Ja’far Sadiq, the Rajah Muda, revolted against him but managed to keep the throne. In 1736, Anwar “abdicated” in favor of his son Tahir ud-Din Malinug (no. 13). He died around 1745.

SULTAN MUHAMMAD JA’FAR SADIQ MANAMIR. He was a younger brother of Sultan Bayan ul-Anwar. He was sometimes referred to as Amir ud-Din. Referred to as Maulana while alive, he was known after his death as Shahid Mupat. He contested the reign of his older brother, but he was forced to flee to Tamontaka in 1710. Dutch officials referred to him as “the young king” to distinguish him from Sultan Bayan ul-Anwar. By 1725 he had assumed the title of Paduka Sri Sultan. In March 1733, his brother and nephew Malinug attacked his forces in Tamontaka. The latter caused his death in the ensuing struggle. While his brother had power along the coast, Manamir held sway over the interior. His power was recognized in Tamontaka from about 1710 to his death in March 1733.

SULTAN MUHAMMAD TAHIR UD-DIN. A son of Sultan Bayan ul-Anwar, he was commonly known to the Spaniards as Dipatuan Malinug. He was also known as Muhammad Shah Amir ud-Din. In a battle in 1733, he killed his uncle Ja’far Sadiq Manamir. In 1736, his father started sharing with him the responsibilities of government. His authority was however contested by two of his cousins, sons of Manamir, forcing him to retire to the interior where he died in Buayan around 1748.

SULTAN MUHAMMAD KHAIR UD-DIN. He was a son of Sultan Ja’far Sadiq and was better known to Europeans as Pakir Maulana Kamsa (Arabic, Faqir Maulana Hamzah) or Amir ud-Din Hamza. He also used the name ‘Azim ud-Din and assumed the title Amir ul-Mu’minin. In 1733, after his father was slain, he began to consider himself heir to the throne and thereupon called himself “rajah muda”. The next year, he was formally invested with the duties of a sultan in the presence of the Spanish officials from Zamboanga. With some Spanish aid, he was able to consolidate his position in Tamontaka and contest the rule of his uncle Bayan ul-Anwar and later that of his cousin Malinug. But upon the latter’s death around 1748, the struggle for the sultanate ceased. Pakir Maulana Kamsa emerged as paramount chief of Maguindanao. Around 1755, he started to relinquish some of his powers to his younger brother with the condition that his son, Kibad Sahriyal, would be the “Rajah Muda”.

SULTAN PAHAR UD-DIN. He was a younger brother of Pakir Maulan Kamsa and was known as Datu Pongloc or Panglu. He began to exercise the powers of sultan around 1755 and was in the sultan’s seat in that same year when Captain Thomas Forrest paid a visit to Maguindanao. After his death he was known as Mupat Hidayat.

SULTAN KIBAD SAHRIYAL. His more regal title was Muhammad ‘Azim ud-Din Amir ul-Umara. He was a son of Pakir Maulana Kamsa. Even before the death of his uncle the Sultan, he was already being addressed as “sultan”. He was friendly towards the Spaniards and at least twice entered into peaceful negotiations with them, namely, in 1780 and 1794. He probably governed from 1780 to 1805.

SULTAN KAWASA ANWAR UD-DIN. He was a son of Kibad Sahriyal and like his father was also entitled Amir ul-‘Umara. He entered into a peace treaty with the Spaniards in 1805. One of his seals carried the title of Iskandar Julkarnain. He possibly reigned from 1805 to 1830.

SULTAN ISKANDAR QUDRATULLAH MUHAMMAD ZAMAL UL-AZAM. He was more popularly known as Sultan Untong. He was a grandson of Kibad Sahriyal and a nephew of Sultan Kawasa. Some Spanish documents carry his name as Iskandar Qudarat Pahar-ud-Din. In 1837 and 1845, he entered into friendly treaties with the Spaniards. He died either in 1853 and 1854.

SULTAN MUHAMMAD MAKAKWA. He was a grandson of Sultan Kawasa Anwar ud-Din. His rule can be estimated to have lasted from about 1854 to 1884. He died in Nuling (in the site of the old settlement of Maguindanao).

SULTAN MOHAMMAD JALAL UD-DIN PABLU. Also known as Sultan Wata, he was a son of Sultan Makakwa. His capital was at Banubu, just opposite the town of Cotabato across the Pulangi. His death took place in 1888.

SULTAN MANGIGIN. He was a grandson of the famous Datu Dakula of Sibugay, who in turn, was a grandson of Kibad Sahriyal (No. 16). He began his rule in 1896. From 1888 to 1896, the sultanate was vacant. This was probably due to the fact that Datu Utto (Sultan Anwar ud-Din of Buayan) wanted his brother-in-law Datu Mamaku (a son of Sultan Qudratullah Untong) to become the Sultan. The Spaniards, however, wanted the sultanate to go to one of the Sibugay datus. Around the end of 1800, Sultan Mangigin transferred his residence from Cotabato to Sibugay. In 1906, he married Rajah Putri, the widow of Datu Utto and sister of Datu Mamaku.

SULTAN ISKANDAR HIJABAN MASTURA. He assumed the throne upon Mangigin’s death in 1926. By this time, the Sultanate assumed a very ceremonial traditional character. It continued to be the central institution for traditional and religious affairs of the Maguindanaon and Iranon peoples.

SULTAN ESMAEL KALUG. He assumed the Sultanate when the eldest grandson of Sultan Mastura, Datu Baraguir refused to become Sultan. The latter was supposed to be the most legitimate claimant as a matter of right: His father, Datu Mamadra – who could have succeeded – predeceased Sultan Mastura, the incumbent.

SULTAN MUHAMMAD (ATTY. GUTIEREZ) BARAGUIR. He assumed upon the nomination of Sultan Esmael Kalug, months prior to the latter’s death in 1991.

SULTAN AMIR BARAGUIR. He was designated successor by his father. He assumed the title upon his father’s death in June 8, 2000. He is yet to be installed formally. The Sultanate has a great potential in stabilizing the cultural and religious affairs of the Maguindanaons and Iranons and protect them from the onslaught of neo-extremism and fundamentalism.

***I would like to share with you readers how they'd sacrificed and fought the SPANIARDS, for our territory. I'd like you to know their roles and being royalty to the people who merely treasured their Bravery and For you to know that these SULTANS also HEROES.

**** When my cousin Seri Paduka Sultan Sayyid Hadji Datu Amir bin Muhammad Baraguir was still with us, he gave me my own genealogy through my mother (BAI BULAWAN KOLENDOL MAMASASULOG KADIANDA).. I am very honored that I was given a chance to have a tarsila (Genealogy) written by him and gave it to me.. Thank you "KAKA AMIR"..-Bai Fevz

*** MAGUINDANAO SULTANS

Inday at Deal or No Deal on Kapamilya Network

2009-04-18T19:40:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of this: ALEX the GREAT's BLOG

*** as i read this on alex's blog, i can't stop laughing and laughing all over again!

natatawa talaga ako kay INDAY.. hehe hope you enjoy reading the whole story.. hehe

Here is one of Inday’s misadventures in Kapamilya Deal or No Deal!

I'm sure Kris would really faint upon meeting “Inday”.

******************************************************

Kris:Magandang gabi mga kapamilya, sa gameshow na ito importante ang sagotsa nag-iisang katanungang Deal or no Deal. Ang ating player ngayonggabi ay walang iba kundi ang fastest-rising household service s managerna si Inday!

Kris: Ok Inday, choose a briefcase.

Inday: Kris, I would opt for case #4 please.

Kris: Briefcase # 4… si Sharmel. Inday, matanong ko lang, how did you come up with the number 4?

Inday: Oh, do you really want to know Kris?

Kris: Oo naman. I’m sure kaya ko naman maintindihan yung sasabihin mo eh.

Inday:The number 4 was acquired based on a probability distribution functionthat involves integrating up to an area greater than or equal to thatrandom number which should be generated between 0 and 1 for properdistributions.

Kris: Syet. tanong tanong pa kasi eh.

Kris: Ok Inday, choose 6 briefcases to open.

Inday : I would opt for 7, 24, 12, 2, 15 and 20.

Kris: Wait lang Inday, usually isa isa lang ang pagbubukas natin ng case…

Inday:Why is that? As if I can change the outcome if we’re to open a caseeach time I blurt out a number as opposed to opening each caseimmediately one after the other right?

Kris: Hayyy…babaguhin pa talaga mechanics.

Kris: Anwyay, di bale na lang nga… tuloy tayo. Number 7. Natalie buksan na!!

[Y ung audience sumisigaw ng LOWER!! LOWER!!!]

Kris:Teka lang, bago natin buksan… Inday, usually ang mga contestants natenay sumisigaw ng “LOWER” every time magbubukas ng case.

Inday:Kris, I guess that’s not the way I was taught in grade school. You see,I was taught that we should only use the comparative form of the wordor add “ER” to the adjective if we are comparing two things. And sinceit is only the first briefcase that we are going to open, we havenothing to compare it to. Am I right?

[natahimik ang audience at napaisip]

Kris: Oo nga no!

Kris: Sige Natalie, Buksan mo na.
[Ang laman ng briefcase 7 ay Piso… Palakpakan ang mga tao]

Kris: Good start! Ano yung next case mo ulit?

Inday : Case number 24 please.

Kris: Chloe… buksan na…
[Audience sumisigaw ulit ng LOWER!!LOWER!!]

Kris: Wait lang guys, Inday may nabuksan ng case baket di ka pa rin sumisigaw ng “Lower”?

Inday:Oh my goodness Kris, how long have you been doing this? Have you everencountered a value that is lower than a peso in this game? Tell me, isthere any value left lower than the one we just opened? Sheesh.

[Napaisip ulit ang audience at natahimik]
Kris: Aarrgghh!!!! Chloe buksan na lang nga, pati na rin yung 12, 2, 15 and 20 buksan na rin para matapos na.

[naiirita na]

[At sunod sunod na ngang nabukas ang mga case ni Inday] (nag-ring ang phone)

Inday:Ahh Kris, to save more time can you tell Banker that I’m not interestedin his first offer. In the history of this game of chance, I have yetto see someone accept a first offer from the banker. It’s quitepathetic and pretentious for contestants to pause and look around theaudience as if asking for advice before ultimately rejecting the firstoffer. I mean come on, isn’t that a waste of airtime?

Banker: Potahhh!!! [narinig sa set kahit sarado ang kwarto ni banker]

- Ito ang unang pagkakataon na marinig ng mga audience ang boses ni banker sa Deal or no Deal. … dumating na sa kalagitnaan ng show at mukhang minamalas na si Inday…

Kris:Ok Inday, mukhang kelangan na natin ng tulong sa mga friends mo… sinoba yung bigotilyong lalaki na naka- polo? Ano name nya?

Inday: Ahh, that’s my master Mr. Montemayor.
Kris: Ahhh sya pala yun, how cute naman pala eh. Sige sir, give us a number.
Mr. Montemayor: Hi Kris, good evening. I’m a fan. I choose number 12 please.

Kris: Ano Inday ok ba yung number 12?

Inday: Whatever, we shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds us anyway. Go ahead.

Kris: [taray naman] Sofie, buksan na!
[ang laman ng briefcase 12 ay 5,000]

Kris: Good job! Sino naman yung gwapong lalake na naka jumper na katabi ni Mr. Montemayor? What’s his name?

Inday: Ahh, that’s my on again off again boyfriend, Dodong the gardener.

Kris: Ooohh, sya pala yun. Ok Dodong, give us a number!

Dodong: Hi babes, I choose briefcase 9 if it’s ok with you. If not, it’s ok with me as long as it’s ok with you.

Kris: Ano raw? Inday, number 9 daw ok say0?

Inday : Yes Kris, it’s fine with me.

Kris: Wow ang bait pag kay Dodong. Ederlyn… buksan na!!

…nanlaki ang mga mata ni Inday at hindi sya makapaniwala. Natahimik at mukhang kakapusin sya ng hininga…

Inday: YOU!!! How dare you invade my moment!
[nagulat si Kris at ang mga audience sa reaksyon ni Inday. Nagpatawag siKris ng commercial break at nagpakuha ng tubig para kay Inday.]

Nagkatitigan sina Inday at Ederlyn.
Nakangisi si Ederlyn habang hawak ang briefcase ni Inday.

Ederlyn: Pinapangako ko, Inday… pagbukas luluhod ang mga tala! hahahahaha!

Inday: What? Can you speak up? What are you mumbling up there. Can somebody give her a microphone please?

Kris: Ano ba!! Tama na nga ang drama ninyo, Ederlyn buksan mo na ang case at umexit ka na kung ayaw mong mapalitan!

(naiirita na si Kris)

Dali-daling binuksan ni Ederlyn ang briefcase at ang laman ay… P3,000,000.

Nangh inayang ang mga audience… Ang mga natirang values ay 250, 1K, 20K, 50K, and 500K.

Inday: NooOoo…. (sabay tingin kay Dodong at napapaluha), how could you…

Dodong: I’m so sorry Inday, please forgive me.

Kris: Hayyy, drama again. Ang offer ni banker sa pagbabalik ng Kapamilya,Deal.. or No Deal!

[pagtapos ng commercial break… mukhang composed na ulit si Inday]

Kris:Inday, are you okay? Ang offer ni banker ay 99 thousand pesos. ‘Singrami siguro ng pilipinong pinadugo mo na ilong. Is it a Deal or NoDeal?

Tahimiklang si Inday tilang may kinocompute sa ulo habang ang mga audience aynagsisigawan ng “No Deal”, ang iba naman ay “Deal”.

Kris: Wait lang, kung mapapansin ninyo we have only have 5 cases left, and among those 5, apat doon ay mas maliit na value…

Inday: Kris, do you mind? Can I do my own thinking?

Natameme si Kris, pati ang audience ay natahimik.

Kris: Taray to the max! (pabulong sa sarili)

Inday:Ok, I’m ready. Upon looking at the reality of the situation, 80% of thecases left have at least 49K less than the banker’s offer. The only wayI can do better than what is offered is that if my case contains the500k or I’d get to open one of the four lower values. But I have tokeep in mind that there’s only 20% probability that this would happen.I have to take note, however, that the banker’s offer is roughly around15% lower than the offer I expected based on the arithmetic mean of thevalues left.

Kris: Lorddd… panaginip ba ‘to?Ayokonaaa….

Inday: Accepting a deal for less than the mean should generally be regarded as a weak decision so I would say, NO DEAL!

Limang briefcase na lang ang natitira at kasama na doon ang case ni Inday…

Kris: My God, nakaka-stress itong episode na ito ha. Baka dumugo na rin ang ilong ko sa’yo Inday. Sige Inday, go ahead and choose 1 briefcase!

Inday: Ok Kris, I choose briefcase #5 please?

Kris: Briefcase #5! Mimi bago mo buksan yan I would first like to thank Figliarina by Schubizz for my sandals, Bambi Fuentes for my hair and make-up and Pepsi Herrera for my gown tonight.

Kris: Ok Mimi, buk…

Inday: Ahh Kris, can I also take time to thank a few people? I mean, I did save us a few minutes of airtime right?

Kris: (“kapal naman talaga ng mukha”… bulong sa sarili) Sige, ok lang go ahead. (naka-smile pa rin)

Inday:Thanks! Yes, I would like to thank Frank Provost for my hair andmake-up, Jimmy Choo for my sandals and my dear friend Oscar dela Rentafor my gown tonight.

BLAG!!Tinumba ni Kris ang podium at nagwalk-out. Hindi na natapos ang showkaya’t binigyan na lang ni Banker si Inday ng kalahating milyon para sakanyang oras.

Inday: Oh, and thanks to the people of Cartier for sending me these nice earrings for tonight!

(Ito ang isa sa mga un-aired episode ng Kapamilya, Deal or No Deal)

inSpiRaTionaL Poetry!..:)

2009-02-21T03:31:00.000-08:00

Can We Still Be Friends?

by Kathleen Sheppard

I was cold and hurting

lost out in the night

wandering and searching

for heaven's light..

I saw the night sky clearing

when you spread your rainbow wings

But little did I know

what joy you would bring
From that moment on a friendship did start

you kissed away my tears

and sheltered my heart

I bless the day

God sent him from above

But then I grew fearful

for I had fallen in love
I told you this feeling

and what did you say?

You said you liked our friendship

and that's how it would stay.

I cried for a friendship

I thought I lost

But then felt your warm, gentle hand

You then whispered in my ear

that by my side you'll forever stand... :(

My Gift To You

by Lonely Shadow

I live through my dark existence

only to bask in your beauty

your eyes that shine like sapphires

your smile that brightens even my sad existence

I envy the wind that runs through your hair

that touches your lipsI long to touch you

to hold you in my arms

but I cannotfor your heart belongs to anotherso,

I can only love you from a far

your friendship means more to me than anything this world provides

but like an angel you touched my heart

in a way that I've never felt before

cause I've never known what love is until this day

I know that we are only friends

but my heart wishes it to be more so

I will still hope and dreamthat one day

I can feel your lips pressed to mine

to hold you in my arms and say, "I love you"....

***i surf the net coz i want to find something so inspirable for someone but as i go surfing the world wide web, this something pops on my page... a POEM.. so many poems that i'd made for my friends.. but when i read this, it touched me, my heart and my personality..(nyakakak!)hehe..chaaaar! hope you like it too..

Happy new Year!!!!

2009-01-03T00:19:00.000-08:00

wahahahah!! this is for my friends! sa tanan Tawaw ug E.U.T!..aw...hehehe happy new year sa inyo mga TOL!!!! hehe..weeeeeeee mag bago na tau kung may dapat baguhin!wahahaha..peace to one and all bow! :)

SoRRY by Jonas Brothers

2008-12-09T05:31:00.001-08:00

*** It takes times for me to say this to someone... but I have to coz I wanted to.... all I wanted to say this to you....

Broken hearts and last goodbyes

Restless nights but lullabies

Helps make this pain go away

I realize I let you down

Told you that I'd be around

Building up the strength just to say
[Chorus:] I'm sorry For breaking all the promises

that I wasn't around to keep.

It's all Me

This time is the last time that I will ever beg you to stay.

But your already on your way.

Filled with sorrow,

filled with pain Knowing

that I am to blame

For leaving your heart out in the rain

And I know your gonna walk away

And leave me with the price to pay

But before you go I wanted to say
Yeah!
That I'm sorry For breaking all the promises

that I wasn't around to keep

It's all me This time is the last time

that I will ever beg you to stay.

But you're already on your way.

Can't make it alive on my own

But if you have to go, then please girl

Just leave me alone.

Cause I don't want to see you and me going our separate ways.

I'm begging you to stay If it isn't too late
I'm sorry For breaking all the promises

that I wasn't around to keep.

It's all me This time is the last time

that I will ever beg you to stay.

But your already on your way.
But your already on your way...

Decode (Twilight OST) - Paramore

2008-11-28T02:29:00.000-08:00

*** for the.. TRAILER

How can I decide what’s right,
when you’re clouding up my mind?
I can’t win your losing fight
all the time.

Not gonna ever own what’s mine,
when you’re always taking sides.
But you won’t take away my pride.
No, not this time.
Not this time.

How did we get here,
when I used to know you so well?
But, how did we get here?
Well, I think I know how.

The truth is hiding in your eyes,
and it’s hanging on your tongue.
Just boiling in my blood.
But you think that I can’t see
what kind of man that you are;
if you’re a man at all.
Well, I will figure this one out
on my own.
(I’m screaming, “I love you so.”)
On my own.
(My thoughts you can’t decode.)

How did we get here,
when I used to know you so well? (Yeah.)
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know how.

Do you see what we’ve done?
We’ve gone and made such fools
of ourselves.
Do you see what we’ve done?
We’ve gone and made such fools
of ourselves.

How did we get here,
when I used to know you so well? (Yeah, yeah, yeah!)
Well, How did we get here
when I used to know you so well.
I think I know...
I think I know...

There is something I see in you.
It might kill me.
I want it to be true.

A super greet for a super friend!

2008-11-17T22:41:00.000-08:00

A wonderful great I am for having this friend of mine.. wishing you a great day always and forever.. be pretty always as you are to me and to your peers.... more happy birthdays to come my sweet but brutal superfriend of mine... stay sweet, kind and so amiable to me... am very glad to meet a person like you... happy bday once again and I'm always here for you TOL!... mwah!...

the UnforgettaBLe Memories!

2008-11-08T03:20:00.000-08:00

*** by Tawaw Elenor!... :)

I want to shout!

2008-10-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

Everybody needs someone or somebody to cry on and listen to your stories that you want them to catch it up with you.. that's great if you have some. Me, everyone knows I'm silent and don't even talk to anyone elses unless they're gonna talked first.. ("I'm a One question, One answer! period"). My sister (Older than me) used to asked me about my friends.. but then I just answered her back, Ok lang.. Every time she asking me about my EX-friend, My mind get so Blowing up and and my blood seems to burned out!... but when I'm alone, I got to think of the past.. I wanted to tell her the truth.. I just regret the moments that I didn't told her about what happen to us... Until now, It's still a hint for my family what has really happen to our friendship although my dad knows a little bit of it but not the rest.... My mom got curious about me, sometimes, I have to hide to them coz I don't want HER to be a gossip involving my family... My problem (although it's not really a big deal for them) should be out of the house.. I keep my problems for myself.. sometimes I hide it and just ignoring them but I can't deny the fact that sometimes I was thinking of it, Sometimes I pictured myself through my phone cam with unidentified smiled or should I say forced smiled.. hahaha! I just laughing at myself as if I'm crazy.. texting somebody on my phonebook pretending I'm very happy... this blog is enough to shout out what's on my mind and what I feel right now.. I'd cried not because of my problems, I've cried for someone but I won't regret that, coz That was me.. I've cried because of my emotions comed out... I have too many things on my mind that I really don't understand whenever I'm alone.. I'm always finding things which can entertain myself though.. movies are enough but whenever I start to watch it, my eyes are staring on the screen but my mind got another world, in short I can't concentrate not because I don't understand the movie I am watching though, but something's bothering me... I keep on hiding it still, I wanted to shout it like I want to go the Island myself and shouting there "HELP!".. but I am afraid of, no one can hear me.. Although I'm happy now, but not totally 100% it seems... why I'm posting this?..trip lang!, coz I don't have someone here to talk with and to listen to my damn stories though, singing and listening to music is enough of me..problem?,.. I'll keep it to myself.. My family and friends finds me like a book but difficult to read, they maybe right but I told them to be a GOOD READER.. this is all I know for this time, sometimes the past doesn't just catch up with,... but it haunts you though... this maybe the reason, why some things have to bothered me all the time.. :) have a nice time reading this!.. :) sorry to bother you.. I know It's nonsense though.. :).. I don't have any idea what to post here right now, but this is all I know.. hehehe! :)

StiLL be..

2008-10-18T03:09:00.000-07:00

Pictures could be deleted and erased.. but memories will not change and still be there...forever!.. this should be our day..It should be a celebration.. but It's not anymore.. I missed You! :( for you STILL ME

An OaTh a year ago.. (BroKen Promise)

2008-10-18T00:07:00.000-07:00

A year ago (the same date and time).. Someone had promised me one thing . It was the day of conversation between two new friends.. A semestral break has started that time.. All I do on that vacation; watching TV, eating, hanging out with my brothers, Texting...o yeah! we became textmates (me and that someone).. and then we became very close as if we know each other that time.. until it was boring for us to have a discussion bout nonsense topic of all time.. I ended it up asking her, "Do you keep secrets?".. and then she answered me back, "If you trust me, then I'll do!. why?".. "I do have secrets and I know I can trust you, I'll tell you all my secrets but... You tell me yours too.." I replied...
But she refused to tell me her secrets and she asked me what's my secrets... I told her everything because I trusted her.. in the meantime, She asked me, "Can I trust you?"... then I replied "If you think you can trust me, then yes I can"... She gave me a situation where she has her "CURIOSITY" of something else..I was shocked, I never expect that she was on that situation (could not be on detail here! it's COMPLICATED..clue: not a DRUGS or any prohibited hobby ok!.. ITS ABOUT RELATIONSHIP!). She txted me again "hoist! Are you still there?.. Shocked ka noh?".. Then I answered "huh?..If You want to avoid that thing, you can make it, unless you wouldn't and give it a try but don't you dare me to support you coz I don't like to see you with that situation not because I am not a friend but you have to see the outcome if you're gonna do it".. As I was replying her that time, she send me a message like this.."You're right!, don't worry I can control myself pa naman! sinabihan ko na xa na wag na xa manligaw kc ala man xa pag asa at di tanggap ng barkada natin"... then I replied "Mabuti naman para maaga pa alam na niya na hindi pwede".. then she textbacked "pero inlove man daw xa sa akin! at gusto nga daw niya iprove at pumunta ng boarding house para manligaw kaya lang andun si ****T baka magtaka rin un.." nxt message "Eto kasing c J*** eh simula nung nging close kmi dami ng nalilink at nacurious tuloy ako!"...then I enden it up by texting her.. "IKAW bahala sa LIFE mo, kung anu gusto mu edi gawin mo pero tingnan mo muna kung anu mangyayari pag may gagawin kang hindi makakabuti sau at kung un man makakapagpasaya sau edi masaya na rin ako for you, andito lng ako.." then She answered "Tlaga?.., thank you.. wag ka mag alala nakocontrol ko pa sarili ko at saka curious lang naman ako at hindi ko naman cnabi na FALL na ako dun"... then I told her "PAGXURE OI!"... then she replied "Secret lng natin toh ha!..".. then i answered "OFCOURSE!".. then after a minute she texted me "From now on magbestfriend na tayo!.." at first we call each other Bestfriend but I thought It was just a "TAWAGAN", as days passing by.. we called each other "BEST" ..we became close friends as if we were siblings and true real friends.. Everytime we're not together, we always looking for each other as if we were worrying... a txt like this "BEST WER KA?.."."DITO AKO OFFICE, SAN KA NA best!? BILISAN MO JAN!"... although we were three (3) close friends (pangatlo c INDAY).. me and her (SOMEONE) took ourselves to be best of friends for real..we always holding hands and embraced each other everytime we're going in and out to school and as time goes by, we made a memories that NOBODY could ever take and replace those CRAZY but BEAUTIFUL moments of a true and real friends.. I wish it wasn't just a very nice memories.. I wish that I could bring back those but I know I can't.. This day, OCTOBER 18, was supposedly our celebration.. every 18th day was our Bestsary (that's what we call it!).. We're exchanged gifts to each other during our bestsary..My first gift was a pink teddy bear and we call it "CHIX" (Un gusto nia itawag kc We call Girls as CHIX that way!haha!) but it wasn't our bestsary, anyway I gave her a PILOT Ballpen (wala kc xang ballpen sa exam nun! tapos ballpen nya puro nag tatae tae hahaha!) during our first bestsary and she gave me black BRACELET (gawa daw nya) that was very sweet for a us to have.. a night of our bestsary that time she txtd me, "Tnx best!.. You're my bestfriend forever and I will keep you for the rest of my liFE.. luv u best koh! happi bestsary" (this message is still on my inbox 2).. I answered her " Tnx din best, Luv u too!.." ... I'll always keep those memories in my heart because she made an oath and a promise.. But I'm not expecting anything to happen in the future coz we both know it's very complicated and impossible to have those back, although I missed her very much (I can't deny it..yah! am not hiding it coz it's true).. This day is supposedly our AniBestsary! (wheeww!)..I was just wondering if she's thinking of this day like I do.. tsk3.. 3 nights of dreaming that she hugged me and hold my hands again (yes, I know she has a scar or PEKLAT on her hand..un ang nkita ko sa panaginip ko..hahaha! pero ask nyo kung meron talaga xa peklat o wala..hehehe)., I thought it was real but gosh I wake up saying.. "ai, akala ko totoo!".. tsk3.. I will never regret those days.. most specially OCTOBER 18, 2007!.. :)..

***Naremember ko lang ang araw na ito kaya wag na magreact mga against jan ok..:(
*** Kung mabasa man nya ito, edi mabuti..hahaha! :(
***Sana hindi na lang xa nagpromise.... :(
***She Broke it... for someone! (grrrr!).. She made me blind and looked dumb for all those times.. :(
***I'd protected her for nothing... She'd lied not even tell me everything.....and explain what's on her side but, instead She Left us (me and inday)...
***I've trusted her..despite of everything she has done!..ok na unta di ba! :(
***I moved on! but I can't help myself to remember everything specially every 18th day of the month.. :(

this time around.. my new fave.. :)

2008-10-13T07:57:00.000-07:00

***hmmm, middle of this night.. my sister wasn't home yet.. and I can't sleep, not because I'm all alone this time, but because I'm having an insomnia again.. they told me to drink milk.. yeah! I had tried it so many times... but it doesn't work for me..hahaha!..lol!.. what I did?, I'd watched the paramore concert in an online video site.. and guyz, there was their song caught my attention really.. I've searched the lyrics and then downloaded that performanced of them.... Just nothing.. I was just feeling good when I heard and watched it.. It makes me sing whenever I played it on my winamp player..hahaha!.. ok.. this is it na.. no more good talkings..hahaha! :D

*** The title of this song is "WHEN IT RAINS"..
*** I Love watching those lovers there kissing and it's so sweeeetttt"...heheh :D
*** Hayley has a great amazing voice!... :)
*** to all my friends out there, listen to the lyrics.. naay matamaan!..wahaha but in fairness, it's so lovely..hahaha!.. peace y'all!