As a transgender person, or more specifically, as a transsexual woman - I have had the unique opportunity to blend more than one life experience into a single lifetime. Each of us reconciles this particular situation in our heads in different ways and there is no one right or wrong way to get comfortable with it all. Some of us find a need to distance ourselves or even reject our previous lives in order to move forward in our new one. Others find ways to integrate the two in some way that makes sense for us. And, just as there is no one right strategy so too do our needs and our perceptions of ourselves change over time. It can get very complicated.

I say this as a preface to sharing that I registered and competed in 72kg division of the Women's Freestyle competition at the United States Open Freestyle Wrestling Championships in Cleveland this past weekend. This event is the Super Bowl of Wrestling and attracts the best of the best in the sport from all around the country. For me it was the culmination of years of effort to get comfortable with such a situation, of months and weeks of hard work to condition and prepare myself to compete with some of the elite wrestlers in this country, and of setting personal challenges and goals.

In a broader sense, though, it was an opportunity for me to come full-circle, knowing that my self-identity as a wrestler through high school and college effectively masked any indication of my true self to the outside world. Finally, the two had come together.

The reason I mention this is because I have an invitation in my hand to a Holiday Reception at the White House this evening. It's not an LGBT reception, or a reception for any particular cross-section of our society. It's a reception comprised of a broad range of people brought together to celebrate the joy of the season with our President in his home. The thought that out, proud, transgender people - people who are part of the fabric of this country whether others want to recognize that or not - are part of this celebration is beyond amazing to me. It's a million miles from shame, and a day I never imagined I'd see in my lifetime.

The most recent bombshell was this past weekend. News spread like wildfire through the transgender community that Mike Penner, who many of us also knew as Christine Daniels, was found dead on Saturday. By all indications, she took her life by her own hand. She was only 52 years old.

In the bigger picture the details of her death are unimportant. What is important are the steps that led to such a tragic demise, what if anything could have been done to prevent it, and what if anything brothers and sisters who follow can learn to avoid facing a similar dark dead-end. Moreover, I'd argue that this sad saga highlights the unique pressures that often plague the transgender journey for many of us and that will continue as the hallmarks of this "hero's journey" for the foreseeable future.

1. I was a straight, married, middle-class, jocky white guy.
2. I had a 38 inch chest thanks to my pecs and took significant pride knowing that I could bench press over 300 pounds.
3. I had never knowingly experienced discrimination.
4. I rarely had to contend with a social consciousness because I lived in a comfortable little world where my family lived in the same house as I did.
5. I hadn't cried in 30 years and built walls to keep people at a distance.
6. My favorite drink was a Tequila Sunrise but nobody dared snicker about it.
7. I took a significant amount of my self-identity from my career.
8. I shaved my face every morning, and rarely used conditioner.
9. I had so much stuff to carry I could barely fit it all in my wallet.
10. I thought I was happy, and had resigned myself to staying in the closet for the rest of my life.

I guess a lot has changed. Nowadays...

I was one of the minions from around the country and around the world who made the pilgrimage to Washington, DC, over these past few days to participate in the inauguration of Barack Obama as the 44th president of the United States. I use the word "participate" instead of "attend" because this truly was an event that became larger than any one person, or small group. That's what made it so special.

This President has stirred emotions in people that have lay dormant for a very long time. Words fail to adequately describe it - some mixture of hope, inspiration, excitement, passion, leadership - it's a very potent combination of emotions that draws us not only to this man and his message but to the mission. It was an event that anyone who was there can't help but find profoundly moving. However, it was a day that - for many (including yours truly) did not go as planned.

One of Mr. Savage's favorite targets is LGBT people. His most recent tirade has been triggered by the fact that a detective on the San Francisco Police Department is apparently transitioning on the job and, as happens in workplaces across the country, co-workers are being provided training on the unique challenges involved. I have no idea why Mr. Savage would or should have an opinion that matters to anyone on the issue but apparently he does and he wants to make sure everyone knows what it is.

With that in mind, here's my prediction: 2009 will be the Year of Trans. It will be a year when transpeople are no longer simply be knocking at the door, asking to come through it. Instead, it will be a year when our voices and our energies will emerge full-force to take our rightful place as full partners in Equality. It will be a year when we take major strides to escape the shackles of our traditional role as sorry stepchildren to our GLB brothers and sisters, as freakish curiosities, or as noisy pests. It will be a breakout year unlike any other we've experienced - a year many of us have spent a lifetime to achieve.

For many, however, the Holiday season kicking off this week is not nearly so festive or happy. In fact, it can be a very difficult time because it can remind us of all the things we don't have. For those rejected by friends and family all we've got to cling to is painful memories of times gone by. For those struggling financially it is a reminder of all the things we can't afford. For those who are alone it can easily make us feel more alone. All these things can make the Holidays something to survive, not something to enjoy.

These things are deeply personal for many of us. Being transgender is not an easy life even under the best of circumstances but to see our brothers and sisters slaughtered simply for being themselves is something each of us can imagine happening to our friends or ourselves. The entire spiral of not being able to get or keep a job, being forced into situations that are inherently dangerous, and ultimately being murdered viciously and brutally is far too common in our community.

The most recent revelation in this regard is a report out of Australia that scientists there have found a genetic link for transsexualism. This kind of research is looking to provide conclusive proof about something that many of us already know - that there is a biological connection to development of gender identity. Although many of us get excited and get our hopes up when we see this kind of news, I doubt any of us are naive enough to believe that this will be the be-all, end-all of research in that regard.

I have found the reactions to this news very interesting. Some respect it. Some find ways to justify it. Some seem to find ways to apply her decisions to their own lives, or feel somehow threatened by it. Some seem to feel that he's confused or has somehow been forced to "turn back". Some seem almost hostile as though she was one of us but turned out to be a double-agent or something. I have my own thoughts on this entire topic of "Transition Regret".

That's what makes two recent statements of support for GLBT political efforts remarkable. Neither was caused by pressure. Both make bold statements of support for controversial LGBT causes. And, both set high standards for others to follow.

Angie was brutally murdered last month - her battered body was discovered in her apartment on July 17. As subsequent investigation would reveal she was murdered by 31 year-old Allen Andrade, someone she met online, after he discovered her unique situation. After his arrest he explained to police that he beat her in the head and face with his fists, and then with a fire extinguisher. Most chilling, perhaps, is when he explained that he thought he had killed "it", but she tried to sit up and started making gurgling sounds. So, he hit her again. She stopped for good.

Whether it's the horrible video in Knoxville where police verbally and physically assaulted a trans-woman earlier this year or the brutal murder of Angie Zapata in Greeley, Colorado where her murderer referred to his victim as an "it" - the assaults many of us face on a daily basis are part of a constant de-humanizing assault on our personal dignity and sense of self-worth. Although we can sugar coat it with statistics of growing acceptance and protections for transgender people in workplaces, cities, counties, and states across this country, the soul-sucking reality that many of us face on a personal level can easily become overwhelming.

It's not often that I agree with Conservative columnist George Will, but I have learned from experience to never say never. In early 2007 he wrote an Op/Ed for the Washington Post titled "Anger is All the Rage". In it he says:

Today's anger is a coping device for everyday life. It also is the defining attribute of an increasingly common personality type: the person who "unless he is angry, feels he is nothing at all." That type, infatuated with anger, uses it to express identity. Anger as an expression of selfhood is its own vindication.