They Came From The Deep

Channel Zero #10: "I Think Worrall Thompson Should Be Shot and Eaten By Lions, In That Order"

2012-01-09T15:14:00.005+00:00

Today's a fun day for us, because it's not very often we get a piece of news like today's revelation that well-liked television chef Antony Worrall Thompson has been shoplifting cheese and wine from his local Henley Tesco - one of the more insignificant crimes committed by one of the more increasingly forgotten-about chefs, yet still apparently news-worthy. It's fascinating purely because it reminds you that you really thought you knew someone; or at least their one-dimensional telly personality - of all the British chefs who'd I'd expect to be caught shoplifting, I'd at least hope it was Nigel Slater, because that actually would liven him up in the public eye. Caught nicking a copy of Die Hard 2, or some tampons, or something.

Look as he remorselessly grins through the teeth he used to chew up the cheese that he stole - truly, there is no circle of Hell deep enough for men of his ilk.

And It's a Girl

2011-10-18T23:12:00.001+01:00

As you've no doubt noticed TCFTD hasn't been updated as often as every I or Rathe would like: too many interesting stories have come and gone with out a mention here or on the TCFTD twitter feed, being too substantial for a mere "Look at this" on Twitter and not quite long lived enough for a full blown editorial. In future these stories will be live at The Course.
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On This Day: Posterity in the Internet Age

2011-10-13T16:17:00.002+01:00

Four score and seven internet ages ago—also known as one earth year—you were as inane as you are today, if not more so, it seems inconceivable…but Facebook tells me it is so.

Shameless Plugs are the Best Apologies

2011-09-01T23:34:00.004+01:00

HELLO WORLD.

So…hmm apparently I write here, as you can see after my long hiatus I am rather out of practice at this 'blogging' phenomena, so in exchange I bring you word of aural delights from across the 'intersea' crafted by my own fair hands…my debut album 'Emergence'

&lt;p&gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://indycisive.bandcamp.com/album/emergence"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;Emergence by Indiana Hamilton-Brown&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&lt;/p&gt;
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Guide To Acting: The David Caruso Way

2011-08-09T22:15:00.002+01:00

Alright, so, against my will, more or less, I have been forced to watch, of all things, CSI: Miami a lot lately (you know how days in with the family can be). I can't be the only one in the world who only watches the show up until the Daltrey scream just to see the one-liner.

Sadly, weeks of this have led to one of my unhealthiest obsessions yet: David Caruso. I've been paying far more attention to the way the man carries himself as Horatio Caine than I have actually watching the plots unfold. And so, on the basis of some very haphazardly-scheduled episodes across multiple seasons, I present to you, the Official TCFTD Guide To Acting: The David Caruso Way! Shades at the ready, it's time to crack some jokes and skulls!

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Thoughts From The Front #1 The Good, The Bad, The Average and The Unique

2011-07-10T22:39:00.002+01:00

There are plenty of sites compiling the best of whatever any particular niche or sub genre has turned over this week. But here at TCFTD we often find ourselves regularly reading these posts in the first place for the comments. So without further ado we present the best in the weeks funny, dissident opinions: line them up, laugh at them, take them out back and have them quietly shot.
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A Fistful of Ideas #1 We Defy Augery, A Rejection of Replays

2011-07-09T14:45:00.000+01:00

It is not often I write to dispute, especially not with Andy Graham of Frozen Synopsis since I feel he gives generally good advice, at a pace that is rapidly exceeding our own, and would recommend new Frozen Synapse players read his blog. Indeed this is less a critique of his article, rather the phenomenon his article reminded me of.

The replay, in place of the after action report, has risen to dominance and prominence in our gaming culture with the rise of video sharing on sites like youtube but what does it actually offer to a player, particularly a competitive one.
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Squad Tactics: Ones All Over The Place

2011-07-05T20:58:00.000+01:00

With many of you lovely people reading the positive reviews of indie hit Frozen Synapse, we have seen a gigantic upsurge in the numbers of people playing. As such this is the fifth in a series of guides to get you new players up to speed with tactics and strategies that people who have been playing since the beta regularly employ.

So you've got your strategy, you have your unit knowledge, you even know how to clear rooms effectively and you still feel you are suffering unduely…well here is a collection of assorted tips that might just make the difference.

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Channel Zero #9: The Saves That Wouldn't Die

2011-07-04T15:33:00.004+01:00

I'm sure there's other, newer, more important news in the world of Nintendo this week, but no. It's my weekend (despite this going out on a Monday) and I'm going to whine about what I damn well please. No, you shut up and listen. I'm still just trying to get over the Resident Evil: The Mercenaries 3D save data debacle. How does this happen? I know we've mentioned before our fears that gaming is regressing as technology gets better, but how do you fail to implement a file delete system? Is this tomorrow: we no longer worry about having our saves wiped at random - instead, we play through as thoroughly as we can in the constant knowledge that it's the only time we will be able to do so? Want to talk to that NPC you missed? Want to pick up that extra health pack? That'll be £40, please.

That's 235 of these things. For any Americans reading, this is how we measure inflation in Britain.

Squad Tactics: Meet the Sniper

2011-07-04T13:17:00.002+01:00

With many of you lovely people reading the positive reviews of indie hit Frozen Synapse, we have seen a gigantic upsurge in the numbers of people playing. As such this is the fourth in a series of guides to get you new players up to speed with tactics and strategies that people who have been playing since the beta regularly employ.

Meet the sniper: greet the sniper, make him at home, get to know him…this man will win you games.
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Squad Tactics: The Tempo of Destruction

2011-07-04T13:15:00.002+01:00

With many of you lovely people reading the positive reviews of indie hit Frozen Synapse, we have seen a gigantic upsurge in the numbers of people playing. As such this is the third in a series of guides to get you new players up to speed with tactics and strategies that people who have been playing since the beta regularly employ.

"Shotgunners are overrated."

A controversial statement but explosive units are at the heart of the appeal of Frozen Synapse, they provide the dynamism which prevents the game from descending into what FPS players will know as camping…for much the same reasons as in real life—stay still and soon your limbs will be moving all directions.

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Sonnets About ******* #2: Jordan, Minnesota…A Retrospective

2011-07-02T07:43:00.000+01:00

Steve Albini is a lyrical genius…there I said it, but before we get to the crudities of 'proof' it is times for some pretty, word-boxy puzzles.

As you might expect, moderate to fair profanity after the jump…alongside odd re-imaginings of 80's noise rock—you were warned.
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Channel Zero #8: In Which Things Do Not Improve

2011-06-26T00:02:00.001+01:00

Not long ago I mentioned how TCFTD is basically a cave of technological neaderthals who whine about the sliding scale of increasingly-advanced technology versus quality-of-actual-game, sitting around waiting for either the next Elite Beat Agents to come out or for the iPhonosaurus to eat us in our homes, amid screams of 'uptight' and 'hipsters'. We made it pretty obvious that we are among those concerned that console gaming is getting worse, although it's something we've skirted around outright addressing. Like most elephants in TCFTD's room, he's a friendly enough guy, but it's time we had a talk.

The argument is always, frustratingly, summed up best by someone who isn't you, of course; and David Jaffe (God of War creator), makes a point that is forehead-slappingly obvious in retrospect. The Wii, which most of us saw before release as being the 'uniter' of videogames, was hopefully going to redress the balance between younger people who liked them and older people who saw them as kids' stuff, or impenetrable. In not very much time at all, that former group are now acting more like the 'older people', shouting about the 'casuals' who have ruined their entertainment (hell, I'm one of them). With the WiiU coming up, we are months away from boarding up the windows and erecting shelters stocked with copies of Mario 3 and Street Fighter Alpha; quizzing visitors at gunpoint as to what their favourite part of Final Fantasy IV was.

Wait, never mind. It's got Mario. We're all good.

'Gold Cobra' "Review"

2011-06-25T00:59:00.004+01:00

Those who know me are aware that I do, in some perverse measure, enjoy particularly terrible articles of culture...bad movies, bad books, bad music; whatever, chances are I will, as a guilty pleasure, try to find the best in it. It's easy to hate. It is far easier to criticise than it is to create, and this is something I try to take into account before I attack anything. After all, who am I to talk - I am the bottom-feeding, blog-running scum of the internet, the kind who is always eager to opine but do little to contribute. Not only that, it is unnecessary - to say Limp Bizkit is bad is like saying The Beatles are good; it is basically a worldwide recognised opinion. Really - why am I bothering? This isn't so much beating a dead horse as it is going to the trouble of digging it back up out of the ground first.

Got family to be disappointing? Don't mind a little needless profanity? Waste your time below:

Squad Tactics: Frozen Synapse Strategy

2011-06-24T17:07:00.006+01:00

With many of you lovely people reading the positive reviews of indie hit Frozen Synapse, we have seen a gigantic upsurge in the numbers of people playing. As such this is the second in a series of guides to get you new players up to speed with tactics and strategies that people who have been playing since the beta regularly employ.

We have before us an ordeal of the most tactical kind. We have before us many, many long turns of struggle and susurrous suffering. You ask, what is our policy? I will say: it is to wage war, by vatform, bullet, and explosive, with all our might and mind. That is our policy. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer that in one word: it is victory, victory at all costs. Victory…however long and hard the road may be.

But what is our strategy?
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Willful Ignorance: The Joy Of

2011-06-18T21:02:00.003+01:00

So, E3 came and went with the awkward passing reminiscent of a postman your wife once had an affair with. It's strange. I loved last year's E3. Primarily being a Nintendo fan, I was very excited by the prospect of the 3DS. It seemed like something fun; a real event with lots of good things being announced (read: more sequels for the easily impressed; read: me). Yet here I am, a year after its announcement, two months after its release, still without one and interest levels in owning one remaining as low as ever. I don't even have the initial enthusiasm for the WiiU I did for the 3DS.

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Keep Your Enemies Close: Frozen Synapse CQB Tips

2011-06-08T13:07:00.005+01:00

With many of you lovely people reading the positive reviews of indie hit Frozen Synapse, we have seen a gigantic upsurge in the numbers of people playing. As such this is the first of a series of guides to get you new players up to speed with tactics that people who have been playing since the beta regularly employ.

Frozen Synapse is a game about combat, and with the terrain generator as it is this combat will be in and around buildings, doorways and cover; so the first thing for a new player is to acquaint themselves with how to properly turn a corner or enter building. A superficially simple task but one you will do time and time again, so it pays to get it right.
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Space is the Place: LIVE

2011-06-02T12:00:00.038+01:00

When a fantasy is powerful is enough, we want or expect reality to cohere with it, even if that's evidently problematic. It seems logical that game environments, if compelling enough, will provoke the same kinds of responses.

Update: The article is now live, enjoy.

Scoring Synapses: An interview with Paul Taylor

2011-05-16T16:56:00.002+01:00

Today we were graced with a meaty interview with the man behind the sound of everyone's favourite turn-based tactical brain candy, Frozen Synapse, in which we discussed sound at Mode 7, his own career, the state of—and future—of sound in games and much more.
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Channel Zero #7: So Yeah 3DS and Stuff, Yeah?

2011-03-22T23:09:00.005+00:00

The next post is due later this week so why not join the RSS feed and be notified when it goes live.

Ugh. It’s been a while since I mentioned the 3DS. Partly because, along with the Frozen Synapse feature, real life temporarily took over longer than should be necessary, but mainly because the crushingly miserable launch line-up has persuaded me to hold off early adoption – at least until we get a relatively decent flow of good games (April/May-ish). Still, that doesn’t mean I can just kick back like the lazy, pretentious hack I don’t like to think I am. The 3DS is but a few days away for many people, and lately more and more have had the opportunity to experience the little box of magic for themselves. So let’s presumptuously drag it through the mud again – after the jump.

Thank you, Google.

'Da Mystery of Chessboxin' - Wu-Tang Clan - Confused Young White Man Critiques Mid-to-Late 80s' Rap Music Narratives #2

2011-03-20T00:18:00.001+00:00

The next post is due later this week so why not join the RSS feed and be notified when it goes live.

I have a lot of time for the Wu-Tang Clan actually, if only because I’m so shallow I seem to think their sampling of kung-fu movies somehow makes their songs deeper and better than they really are. Still, they're probably one of the more consistent and varied rap groups out there in terms of members, lyrical styles and form - which makes the fact all their subsequent albums after their debut have somewhere in the region of 80 billion guest rappers all the more baffling to me. Nevertheless, let's have a look at a particularly fun song, 'Da Mystery of Chessboxin'', if only because in print it reads like the dying, fevered ravings of someone who picked up English as maybe their third or fourth langauge.

As ever, not for the kiddywinks or anyone who even has the slightest regard for the rules of grammar, as clicking after the jump will surely cause your head to implode as though your brain itself were a black hole inside your face.

Sonnets About ******* #1 'Tiny, King of the Jews'

2011-03-19T23:38:00.001+00:00

The next post is due later this week so why not join the RSS feed and be notified when it goes live.

As you might expect, moderate to fair profanity after the jump… alongside odd re-imaginings of 80's noise rock— you were warned.

Test Your Might #1: Roaring Synapses #i - Mid Day Crisis

2011-03-18T17:50:00.000+00:00

The next post is due later this week so why not join the RSS feed and be notified when it goes live.

The Beta:
Frozen Synapse is sneaking its way out of beta with the last major hurdle, single player, being shaped as I write this; so before anything changes too much I thought I'd give you an overview of the changes to the game…

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Test Your Might #1: Roaring Synapses #2 - Delays and Bumbling

2011-03-15T19:03:00.010+00:00

The next post is due later this week so why not join the RSS feed and be notified when it goes live.

Foreword: We now return to our irregularly programmed schedule; apologies for the delays (they had an almost-reason…promise). Good things and bad excuses after the jump.

The Game:
Frozen Synapse - "Bite-size, critically-acclaimed hardcore strategy with a striking sci-fi aesthetic" in the creators words; "one of the most incredibly tactical, yet beautifully simplistic battle of wits" in ours.

The Goal:
To ascend the game's global rankings leaderboard (top 10 for Indiana, top 100 for Rathe) and maybe even have some fun in the process.

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Test Your Might #1: Roaring Synapses #1 - Introductions and Incompetences

2011-02-27T01:03:00.011+00:00

The next post is due later this week so why not join the RSS feed and be notified when it goes live.

The Game:
Frozen Synapse - "Bite-size, critically-acclaimed hardcore strategy with a striking sci-fi aesthetic" in the creators words; "one of the most incredibly tactical, yet beautifully simplistic battle of wits" in ours.

The Goal:
To ascend the game's global rankings leaderboard (top 10 for Indiana, top 100 for Rathe) and maybe even have some fun in the process.

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