Here’s the document for you to have a look and get back to me with additions and changes as you get inspired..

Comment below or email me more detailed ideas at dhugalf@yahoo.com.au

Click Here    —>     Australian Answers to Global Issues

So is this important?

There was an anthill and it was home for different kinds of ants that all lived and worked together happily. They had worker ants who did all the physical labour. They had thinker ants who came up with all kinds of ideas. They had manager ants who ran everything and they all had one Queen who was in charge of everyone.
Life was happy in the anthill. Everyone could eat as much moss and fungus as they wanted. On special occasions you could even have some honey to eat – that was the best of all! They lived and worked and played together; roaming all around the anthill exploring different parts of their home.

At the bottom of the anthill they grew all the moss and fungus in the cool, dark rooms they made especially for it. Everybody lived around the middle of the anthill where they could look outside their home and see into the distance. At the top of the anthill was where the queen and the managers lived. They had the best views and the best homes. They said they needed to be able to see further so they could help everyone in the anthill live happily. Everyone thought that was fine, because everything was so good and so happy in their world.

Some of the thinker ants spent all their time looking into the distance. They said they could see other anthills a very long way away. They also said they were too far away to visit easily and they didn’t know if there were other ants living in them already. One thing they did know, that everyone knew, is that there was a beehive somewhere out there, because the bees would come to visit quite often. They would bring honey with them and take away the dirt the ants brought up from the bottom of the anthill. The bees needed that dirt to make their hive bigger and better. The ants were so much better than the bees at digging it up and they didn’t use dirt for anything.

All ants were given a small amount of honey every year to eat on their birthday. Some of the ants decided to only eat a little and keep the rest for another time. Sometimes they would give it as a present to their friends and sometimes they would just eat it when they were feeling sad. They also gave a little bit to shopkeeper ants or worker ants; who gave them something in return. This was how you could build a new home, or get yourself a new bicycle to get around or even get more food than you needed so you could have a party with all your friends!

Sometimes an ant wouldn’t have enough honey to exchange for what they wanted, so what they did instead was promise to give the rest of it later. Since all the ants knew that everyone would always have more honey every year, this was a better way to do it. Then you could save up all your honey and put it together with all the honey your family had. You could even keep it safely in special rooms at the top of the anthill that the manager ants looked after. This meant you could keep it safe until you needed to use it to get something.

Years went by in the anthill and the thinker ants kept inventing amazing new machines and toys for everyone. And the manager ants would organise to have enough built for everybody. And the worker ants would build the machines and toys for everyone. And the manager ants would give the toys to the shopkeeper ants and the shopkeeper ants would promise to give them honey when they had enough. And the shopkeeper ants would give them to all the ants and all the ants would promise to give the shopkeeper ants honey when they had enough. Everyone was happy in the anthill and would greet each other in the morning with big smiles on their faces. They would say happily “Friend!” when they saw anyone, because that was how they said hello in the anthill. Even if they didn’t know an ant, they would still say “Friend!” when they saw each other during the day.

Then one day, the manager ants wanted to have a huge party to celebrate how great everything was in the anthill and so they went to the shopkeeper ants and asked for all the honey that they had promised to give them for all the machines and toys. And the shopkeeper ants all said they didn’t have nearly that much, but they would ask all the ants who had promised to give them honey when they had it. So the shopkeeper ants went to all the worker ants and asked for all the honey they had promised to give in return for the machines and toys. All the worker ants said they didn’t have enough, but would go and ask all the other ants for the honey they had been promised for the work they had done.

So the worker ants gave all the honey they had to the shopkeeper ants and the shopkeeper ants gave all the honey they had to the manager ants and the manager ants had the biggest party for themselves that anyone could remember.

A few days later one of the worker ants went to the shopkeeper ant and asked for the newest machine the thinker ants had invented. So the shopkeeper ant asked for some honey. The worker ant didn’t have any, so he promised to give the shopkeeper ant some later. The shopkeeper ant knew he didn’t have any at all and said, you cant have the machine until you get more honey. And the worker ant got angry and said he promised to give it later. But the shopkeeper ant said he could come back later when he had the honey.

So the worker ant went to find some honey, but nobody had any at all. All of it had been eaten by the manager ants at their huge party. So a group of worker ants went back to the shopkeeper ants and said,
“Nobody has any honey anymore! The manager ants have all of it now! How can we have our machines and toys and extra moss and fungus when we have our friends over for a party?”
So the shopkeeper ants said,
“Let’s go to the manager ants and ask what to do, they will know”
So they all went to the manager ants and said,
““Nobody has any honey anymore! You have all of it now! How can we have our machines and toys and extra moss and fungus when we have our friends over for a party?”
But the manager ants didn’t know what to do, because they had eaten all the honey. So they asked the thinker ants what they should do. And the thinker ants thought for some time and then one of them said,
“We’ve run out of honey because the bees only bring enough each year to give you special food on your birthday. So we just need to stop promising to give each other honey. We can promise to give each other fungus instead!”

Everyone thought that was a wonderful idea, because fungus were the next best thing to eat in the anthill. There were so many fungus growing in the bottom part of the anthill that they could never run out so easily. So everyone went away feeling happy and when they wanted to get something from the shopkeeper or the worker ants, they just promised to give them enough fungus later.

So many years went by in the happy anthill. The thinkers kept inventing even more new and amazing machines and toys to make life better in the anthill. When they started to run out of fungus, they just made bigger rooms in the anthill to grow more. And over time they grew more and more and made more and more growing rooms. Everyone was happy, but there were so many new ants that each year they were given less and less honey. They didn’t mind it so much, because it made you like it more when you did have it.

Then one day the manager ants decided they wanted to have the biggest party for themselves that had ever been. So they went to the shopkeeper ants and asked for all the fungus they had been promised. And the shopkeepers went to the worker ants and asked for all the fungus they had been promised. And the worker ants went to all the other ants and asked for all the fungus they had been promised. And the manager ants had all the fungus in the anthill at the biggest party that had ever been seen!

But at the party, they couldn’t eat all the fungus. They played games with it instead, they threw it at each other, they even threw it in the rubbish. And they kept playing until all the fungus were gone.

A few days later one of the worker ants went to the shopkeeper ant and asked for the newest machine the thinker ants had invented. So the shopkeeper ant asked for some fungus. The worker ant didn’t have any, so he promised to give the shopkeeper ant some later. The shopkeeper ant knew he didn’t have any at all and said, you cant have the machine until you get more fungus. And the worker ant got angry and said he promised to give it later. But the shopkeeper ant said he could come back later when he had some fungus.

So the worker ant went to find some fungus, but nobody had any at all. All of it had been eaten and played with and thrown away by the manager ants at their huge party. So a group of worker ants went back to the shopkeeper ants and said,
“Nobody has any fungus anymore! The manager ants have all of it now! How can we have our machines and toys and extra moss when we have our friends over for a party?”
So the shopkeeper ants said,
“Let’s go to the manager ants and ask what to do, they will know”
So they all went to the manager ants and said,
“Nobody has any fungus anymore! You have eaten all of it now! How can we have our machines and toys and extra moss when we have our friends over for a party?”
But the manager ants didn’t know what to do, but they thought they would just grow more fungus and everyone would have some soon. But they asked the thinker ants what they should do. And the thinker ants thought for some time and then one of them said,
“We’ve run out of fungus because we can only make just enough each year to feed ourselves. So we just need to stop promising to give each other fungus. We can promise to give each other moss instead!”
Everyone thought that was a wonderful idea, because moss was the next best thing to eat in the anthill after fungus and honey. There was so much moss growing in the bottom part of the anthill that they could never run out so easily. And now the fungus would be safe, because they could just eat them and not promise them. So everyone went away feeling happy and when they wanted to get something from the shopkeeper or the worker ants, they just promised to give them enough moss later.

And years went by in the anthill and they grew and grew inside their home. They made more and more homes for more and more ants and life went on. There were so many ants now that only the manager ants were allowed to have honey anymore, because the bees couldn’t bring enough for everyone. The bees only brought enough honey to get the dirt they needed for that year. There weren’t so many extra bees each year needing extra homes, so they didn’t need as much. But there were so many ants that everyone had less and less fungus each year, because they couldn’t grow enough for everyone. But whenever they ran out of moss, they would make more and more rooms to grow it and make the rooms bigger and bigger. Soon there were huge moss growing caverns underneath the anthill to make enough for everyone to promise it to each other.

Most ants were happy in the anthill, but there were some ants who wondered why only the manager ants could have honey. It used to be for everyone. But then all the ants would explain they the managers needed to live at the top of the anthill to see further to look after everyone and they needed the honey to make sure they could think enough about looking after everyone. Most of the ants didn’t think much about this, but when they saw each other in the street they wouldn’t say anything. They were too busy trying to find enough moss for their family to live well. A lot of ants also decided to promise to give more moss than they would get in a whole year, because they knew their whole family could eventually get enough. One day they would be able to return enough moss for all the machines and toys and homes they needed.

Then one day the manager ants decided they wanted to celebrate how amazing life was in the anthill with more than enough honey for themselves and more fungus than they could manage to eat. So they started organizing the biggest party for themselves that had ever been held by anywhere. So they went to the shopkeeper ants and asked for all the moss they had been promised. And the shopkeepers went to the worker ants and asked for all the moss they had been promised. And the worker ants went to all the other ants and asked for all the moss they had been promised.
But there wasn’t enough moss in the whole anthill for all the ants to give enough back. So they gave all that they had and promised to give the rest later when they had it. They weren’t sure what they would eat until then, but they were sure the manager ands and thinker ants would help them. So the manager ants had all the moss in the anthill at the biggest party that had ever been seen!

But at the party, they couldn’t eat all the moss and the fungus and the honey. They played games with it instead, they threw it at each other, they even threw it in the rubbish. And they kept playing until everything was gone.

A few days later one of the worker ants went to the shopkeeper ant and asked for the newest machine the thinker ants had invented. So the shopkeeper ant asked for some moss. The worker ant didn’t have any, so he promised to give the shopkeeper ant some later. The shopkeeper ant knew he didn’t have any at all and said, you cant have the machine until you get more moss. And the worker ant got angry and said he promised to give it later. But the shopkeeper ant said he could come back later when he had some moss.

So the worker ant went to find some moss, but nobody had any at all. All of it had been eaten and played with and thrown away by the manager ants at their huge party. So a group of worker ants went back to the shopkeeper ants and said,
“Nobody has any moss anymore! The manager ants have all of it now! How can we get our machines and toys and feed our families?”
So the shopkeeper ants said,
“Let’s go to the manager ants and ask what to do, they will know”
So they all went to the manager ants and said,
“Nobody has any moss anymore! You have eaten all of it now! How can we get our machines and toys and feed our families?”

But the manager ants didn’t know what to do, but they thought the workers should just grow more moss and everyone would have some soon. They asked why the ants always came to them with their problems and they thought they should just work it out themselves. Then a thinker ant that nobody had ever heard of said,
“We’ve run out of moss because we can barely make enough each year to feed ourselves. So we just need to stop promising to give each other moss. We should use the most plentiful thing there is, dirt! We can promise to give each other dirt instead!”

Everyone thought that was a wonderful idea, because there was so much dirt in the anthill that they could never run out! And now the fungus and the moss would be safe, because they could just eat them and not promise them. So everyone went away feeling happy and when they wanted to get something from the shopkeeper or the worker ants, they just promised to give them enough dirt later. The manager ants also decided to store all the honey and fungus and moss and dirt in the upper part of the anthill – to keep it safe. So the shopkeeper ants could give them dirt and have food and toys. Then all the other ants would give the shopkeeper ants dirt for their food and toys.

Only a few years went by as the number of ants in the anthill got bigger and bigger and they built more and more homes. And when they needed more dirt, they just made bigger rooms and bigger caverns. But the ants weren’t happy anymore. There was never enough fungus for everyone and many people never got any. They spent all their time working longer and longer just to get enough moss to feed the family. But they couldn’t grow enough moss to feed everyone well, so everyone had less and less each year.

There were more and more ants who asked why only the managers had honey. And they would ask why the managers had so much fungus and moss to eat they often played with it and threw it at each other and threw it in the bin. And they would ask why it couldn’t be shared and why the managers weren’t looking after all the ants anymore.
But the managers would tell them that they had to work harder to help everyone. The managers would say that they had plenty, but food would leak down from their rubbish after they had thrown it away. So the ants should be grateful for being allowed to have the food the manager ants threw away.

Then one day the manager ants decided they wanted to celebrate how amazing life was for them in the anthill with enough honey for all of them and more fungus and moss than they could manage to eat. So they started organizing the biggest, best and most amazing party for themselves that had ever been. So they went to the shopkeeper ants and asked for all the dirt they had been promised, so they could exchange it for all the moss and fungus they needed. And the shopkeepers went to the worker ants and asked for all the dirt they had been promised. And the worker ants went to all the other ants and asked for all the dirt they had been promised. Then the manager ants decided that since they already had all the moss and fungus and honey in the safe rooms at the top of the anthill, they didn’t really need to use dirt to exchange for it. So they stored all the dirt packed down carefully in the safe rooms and the manager ants had all the spare dirt in the anthill at the biggest party that had ever been seen!

A few days later one of the worker ants went to the shopkeeper ant and asked for the newest machine the thinker ants had invented. So the shopkeeper ant asked for some dirt. The worker ant didn’t have any, so he promised to give the shopkeeper ant some later. The shopkeeper ant knew he didn’t have any at all and said, you cant have the machine until you get more dirt. And the worker ant got angry and said he promised to give it later. But the shopkeeper ant said he could come back later when he had some dirt.

So the worker ant went to find some dirt, but nobody had any at all. It was still being dug up from the bottom of the anthill or sitting in the safe rooms at the top of the anthill where the managers had moved all the spare dirt to keep it safe. So a group of worker ants went back to the shopkeeper ants and said,
“Nobody has any dirt anymore! The manager ants have all of it now! How can we feed our families?”
So the shopkeeper ants said,
“Let’s go to the manager ants and ask what to do, they will know”
So they all went to the manager ants and said,
“Nobody has any dirt anymore! You have taken almost all of it now! How can we feed our families?”
Then they told the ants that there wasn’t enough dirt for all the ants anymore, so the ants would have to work harder to get enough dirt to exchange for enough moss to eat. Most ants hadn’t eaten fungus for years, and each year there was less and less moss for everyone. Some ants couldn’t eat for days at a time.

“But why do you have so much honey and fungus and moss and we cant even have enough to eat?”
“You must be lazy, you should work harder and become a manager ant like us, then you will have enough”
“But we only have dirt now and almost all of that is gone. We cant eat dirt!”
But the managers didn’t have any ideas. And the thinkers said the managers were right, that everyone should work harder and receive less. That was the only way.

Now almost none of the ants were happy in the anthill. The manager ants were very happy. Some of the thinker ants who worked for the manager ants were also happy because they could get honey and fungus and moss whenever they wanted to. Everyone else spent their days working longer and longer for less and less. When they passed each other in the street they would look at each other angrily and yell “Thief!”, because every ant thought every other ant would take their dirt.

That year when the bees came to deliver their honey, the ants had no dirt to give in return. So the bees asked,
“But you have so much dirt! How can you have used all of it?”
And the ants replied,
“There will always be more dirt for us ants, but no more for you bees.”
“So you don’t want honey anymore?”
“We haven’t had any honey for a long time, so we don’t care. Only the manager ants have honey, talk to them.”
So the bees went to talk to the manager ants and asked,
“How can you have no dirt left? What can you give us for our honey?”
And the manager ants said,
“We have plenty of dirt, but it’s only for us ants now, not for you bees.”
The managers wanted to keep their piles of dirt to be able to give to the other ants so they would keep working hard for them.
“So do you have something else to give us for our honey?”
“We will promise you that we will give you some dirt next year, if you give us the honey now.”
The bees looked very confused, they had never heard something so silly in their whole lives.
“We cant do that! In the beehive we always exchange when we have enough to get what we want. If you keep promising then soon you will have promised away more dirt than there is in the whole anthill!”
But the managers knew the bees must be very stupid. Everyone knew there would always be plenty of dirt in the anthill.
“Well, we don’t need your honey, you should take it away!”

So the bees were very sad, but they took the honey to the other ants and gave it to them as a present.
“You must have a hard life if there isn’t enough dirt in the anthill to give it to us for honey. But we always make enough honey for ourselves, so we don’t need this.”
And the bees flew back to their beehive and told all the bees what had happened. And the bees said,
“Those poor ants have promised too much, if they don’t do something new, the whole anthill will collapse.”
The bees also decided they needed to get their own dirt from now on and started learning how to do it as well as the ants always had.

The ants were very happy for a while as they ate the honey and remembered how good it was. But soon they forgot the bees as they were too busy working to find enough dirt to exchange for moss to feed their families.

Then one day, one of the thinker ants went to travel around the anthill. He saw so many unhappy ants and wondered what was wrong. He went to visit the growing rooms only to discover they had become one enormous cavern underneath the entire anthill. In the middle of the cavern was one pillar of dirt holding up the roof. And there were hundreds of ants working furiously to take the dirt away and carry it to the top of the anthill to keep it safely. The thinker ant saw this and realised the whole anthill would collapse if they kept taking the dirt away from the pillar.
He tried to tell the worker ants to stop. He tried to warn them that if they didn’t stop the whole anthill would collapse and nothing would be left. But the worker ants wouldn’t listen, they said,
“We need to get this dirt to the top of the anthill or we wont have enough moss for our families. Go away and ask the managers what to do.”

So the thinker ant went to the managers and told them about the pillar and how it would collapse the whole anthill if they kept taking the dirt away. But the manager ants wouldn’t listen. They said,
“It’s never been a problem ever before, we’ve always found another way to keep digging for more dirt and growing more food. So there is no problem now. Go away and get back to work.”
But the thinker ant asked them to come and see the problem for themselves. Manager ants never went to the growing caverns because that was work for the ants from lower down the anthill. So they refused to go and see the pillar. Then another thinker ant said,
“The managers are right, it’s never been a problem before. This is just a natural process and everything will be fine. We’ve always made bigger growing rooms and built more houses and dug out more dirt when we need it. So go away. There is nothing to worry about.”

And at that very moment the ground started to shake. And the walls started to shake and the manager ants started to scream at the thinker ants for them to explain what was happening. But the thinker ants just said,
“It’s just temporary, this is a natural cycle, it will go back to normal soon”
And cracks opened in the ground. And cracks opened in the wall. And the whole top of the anthill shook as it crashed down into the middle of the anthill and then through the massive cavern at the bottom. The pillar had broken and now the whole anthill was finished – along with all the ants.

We all saw on the news recently how a single Christian male terrorist bombed a building in Oslo, Norway to cause a distraction and then drove to an island hosting a large campground meeting and attempted to kill everyone there.  He seems to have been fairly successful with a total death toll of 76 from both incidents.  76 random youths who will never see their next birthday or watch another sunset.

And for what?

This time we hear his plan was to start the revolution to eject Muslims from his society.  Apparently those filthy Muslims are eroding the Christian way of life where a man can kill his fellow countrymen with impunity.  Imagine what Norway would be like under Muslim rule!    No longer can a right-thinking man dress as a policeman and murder dozens of people in cold blood.  It’s the end of civilisation as we know it!

The most curious thing is how much he resembles the group that he hates the most.  So we have an individual who believes he is fighting a righteous war for God, to bring everyone to the truth of Christianity and the way to do that is to kill innocent civilians in a random and haphazard way.  Sounds like the kind of suicide bomber we’ve got used to hearing about for decades.  However, he doesn’t see himself that way at all…..and there are some differences.

Firstly, the bomb was mostly a distraction to keep the police busy.  His plan was not to go up in flames as a martyr, he planned to live as a figurehead for the cause.

Secondly, he went further than your average suicide bomber by engaging in the massacre shooting – his main event.  He actually disguised himself as a police officer, which allowed him to carry the firearms he needed onto the island.  This requires a lot more dedication to the cause of murder.  Setting off a bomb is over in an instant.  Loading, aiming and squeezing the trigger to take another life is very different.  That requires a special devotion to your cause.  I wonder if the Jihadists will take this as a call for them to improve their game from simple bombings?

Finally, and perhaps most telling, his targets were not Muslims.  He killed Christian youths who belong to the Norwegian political party that he sees as responsible for the influx of those damn foreigners.  So where Muslim Jihadists take the fight to the enemy, this guy takes the fight to other Christians.  So he’s smart enough to avoid detection before committing this atrocious act, but not smart enough to actually think through what the hell he’s doing.

I suppose in his mind he was the instigator and the perpetrator, so if he died, there’d be nobody to explain the righteous glory of his actions.  Although he did make sure to send his manifesto to a large group of people just before starting his holy war.  His Jihad.  There, I said it.

So he’s just like the Jihadists he fears and hates, only dumber.

Why dumber?  So who is he going to ignite with the fury of religious revolution?  The majority of people in any western country just aren’t interested in this kind of nonsense.  They watch it on films, they read about it on the news and then settle down to watch TV with some beer or hot chocolate, while wondering if the weather’s nice tomorrow or their footy team will win on the weekend.  They have jobs and some security, they’ve bought into society and society rewards them with 100 TV channels, internet access and a safe life.  A safe life far from the terrorist madness at the far-flung ends of the earth.

Well, it was safe.  You thought your children would be especially safe at the official camping event.  You’d think the only thing to worry about was wild animals or accidents.  It’s safe here in your own country, far from the madness of those crazy Jihadists.  Then, in one news report, that comfort zone is torn away.  Torn away by a white, Christian, Norwegian man.  Not some Arab-looking guy screaming threats at you.  Not even a Muslim threatening your way of life.  A white Christian who thinks there’s too many foreigners, too many Muslims in your country.  But why is he killing Christians?  It doesn’t make sense.

Hell, you even thought there were too many foreigners a few times when you bumped into them at the supermarket.  But this terrorist could be me, or my neighbour, or someone I know.  I dont want to kill anyone, I just want to enjoy my life in safety.  And I will never support anyone who thinks killing our children is a good idea.

Are the masses really going to be ignited to begin a religious, racial revolution?  I think they would be better advised to try to protect themselves from future crazy Christian terrorists.  But will they?

Already the distancing has begun.  I think the fear that it could be anyone you know makes you want to blame something else.  You’ve lost that clear line of ‘Us’ and ‘Them’.  It wasn’t that he was a militant Christian reading and sinking into the right wing, mass media hype about Muslims.  It wasn’t that he had access to those firearms and the police uniform.  It wasn’t that he planned the attack for years, telling himself he was a soldier of the lord, believing he was doing God’s work.

He played violent videogames.  He watched violent TV shows.  That must be it.  He must have had a bad childhood.  He must be addicted to drugs.  If only he had turned to Christ in his hour of need…..oh hang on…if only he hadn’t watched those music videos with almost naked women.

There’s no way a Christian would do something that blatantly evil.  Am I right?

I can almost see the back slapping right wing Christians finding ways to pin this on their current program to ban something else.  The hypocrisy they show is phenomenal.  Making excuses for this vicious massacre whilst at the same time being horrified that Muslims still live their lives unoppressed.  As a matter of historical fact, Christians have been responsible for some of the most horrific massacres in the history of the world.  And yet, the distancing is in place.  ‘That wasn’t my church’, ‘that was bad men at the time acting against the church’…..’We’re not as bad as those evil Muslims’.

The reality is humans are more the same the world over than they are different.  On a daily basis, everyone has the same needs.  Everyone has hopes and dreams.  Everyone wants to live well and to provide a better life for their loved ones.

It just feels wrong when those hopes and dreams turn into a design for unrepentant mass murder.  Both the Bible and Koran agree on that point; Murder is wrong.

So why do these stupid humans keep doing it in the name of a God who has so clearly told them not to?  …and then, worse, the same people rationalise it, justify it and defend it?

This Norwegian man is completely unrepentant.  He thinks he is a figurehead, leading the cause.

He’s just another citizen of a wealthy country with too much time and money.  If only he had spent both positively.  Imagine if the headline was “Norwegian man spends nine years developing a permanent solution to provide free education for the world’s children”.

Wouldn’t that have been a better day?

Gliding past cars parked in queues at traffic lights is one of the many buzzes of riding a bike to and from work in Singapore.  They grind to a halt and I fly past, keeping left and out of the grates covering the drains.  The grates are just wide enough for my wheel to slip into as I found out one fateful day.  It’s just another street obstacle in the city now.

Push, push, past the busy businessmen now sitting in their cars waiting for the traffic light gods to favour their path home.  Past the tired workers spending their time locked in their little steel boxes.  Past the motorbikes and scooters, for some reason they wont navigate the smaller gaps between a bus and the pavement.  Rolling free on my bike, watching the people waiting at bus stops for the bus I passed five minutes ago.  Watching for the taxi drivers who always think they own the road.  My pedal can do more damage to your side panels then you can inflict on me travelling at ten kilometers an hour in city traffic.

And you’ll never catch me.

Awesome, a pedestrian crossing.  And now a miracle of modern science occurs as I transform from being part of the road traffic to being a pedestrian.  The dual nature of a bicycle on the road seems little understood by governments, perhaps it’s an application of a new Uncertainty Principle.  Only close observation at a point in time can establish if it’s a car or a pedestrian.  And most cyclists take advantage of that uncertainty every day.  Especially in a city like Singapore that doesn’t really accommodate bicycles at all.  It’s actually illegal to ride on the pavement, but there are no bike paths.  There are some ‘park connector’ roads that are meant for pedestrians and bicycles, but they are regularly interrupted by stairway highway crossings that defeat the purpose.  Parks accommodate bikes, but getting to the park can be time consuming if you don’t put your bike in a car first.  And you can’t take them on the subway.  Well, you can, but only a collapsible bike that fits within specific dimensions you see on signs in the train stations.   Nobody rides their bike to work either.  In a 25 storey office building there are only five people who ride a bike to work.  Which is lucky, because there’s only one shower in the whole building.  The building was only completed last year and thus represents Singaporean policy and attitude to bicycles perfectly.

The strange thing is that the government has made it prohibitively expensive to own a car in Singapore.  After you buy your certificate of entitlement and then paid the phenomenal tax on cars, you’re down at least $60,000 without evening paying for a car.  You may as well get a bike.  The Indian and Malay locals do that everywhere and use very simple, small bikes as their main transport to get around.  It’s a common sight to see someone pedaling up the road with a basket full of stuff balanced on the handlebars or packrack.  A smile and a wave as I sail by is always returned happily.

I slide across the intersection with the pedestrians and then change back to being road traffic.  After passing some more buses parked at the lights I make my way to the next intersection and stop a few metres in front of the first car.  In Singapore you are required to make yourself visible when stopped at traffic lights by moving to the front like this.  Which only makes it better when the lights change and I cross the intersection before any cars can.  The power to weight ratio of a bike gives you enough acceleration to do this most times, only dedicated leadfoots in small, powerful cars can beat you.

Now it’s a T-intersection that traffic is stopped at, but I want to go straight ahead and there is no street on my left.  PING! I’m a pedestrian.  PING! I’m a car continuing my journey happily.  I know this duality will probably have me stopped by an undercover policeman one day, but my story is prepared and I’ll see how long I can keep him talking about it.  As long as I’m not obstructing traffic or endangering myself, I can’t see any real issue with taking advantage of the confusion.  Cyclists here are third class road users to anything with a motor; until the government wakes up and changes that, I cant fell guilty.

The Chinese Singaporean approach to bikes is what you’d expect.  Most people only ride at night or weekends where there is less or no traffic.  But the riding isn’t so important.  What’s important is that you have the latest brand name Kevlar – Carbon fibre mountain bike with the most expensive accessories you can import from Europe.  Because Singapore has massive off-road mountain tracks for you to challenge yourself against.  Somewhere.  I’m sure they’re hidden behind the single large hill in the country which stretches to a phenomenal 164 metres above sea level.  If you could actually get to the top.  While you’re looking for those tracks you’d better buy the latest brand name cycling clothing and be sure to be noticed wearing it whilst drinking from the brand name water bottle attached to your bike with the designer clasp and preferably drawing attention to the brand name watch that measures your heartbeat while you ride a whole kilometer before stopping at an intersection again.

I’m near home now, one more corner, and I become a pedestrian to turn straight into the one way street.  I decide I’m just going to keep being a pedestrian until I park my bike in my apartment’s basement.  Another ride finished and the buzz of riding through that traffic stays with me long after the shower washes away my sweat and the day at work.

I was chatting with Maria a few days ago when I was reminded of that old piece of wisdom, “Never say never”. The reason is simple, if you say that, then you have cursed yourself that one day you will do that thing.  Chances are you’ll also want to do it at the time.  I dont know if this curse is a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy; that once you utter the words some evil part of your unconscious remembers them to use against you later.  Maybe its just a sign that as you learn new things and meet new people, your world view will inevitably change.  Its a sign that you are growing and changing as a person.  Or maybe its just that I’m the kind of person who can’t bear to be told I can’t do something, even when I’m doing the telling.  The curse has proven disturbingly true for me for as long as I can remember.

When I was about twelve I was vehement that people who took any kind of drugs were just stupid and that I’d NEVER do anything that dumb.  When I was nineteen and twenty, I was exploring the paths of extra-chemicular activity at some length; always remembering that I said I’d never do that.  Curiously, at the time I was doing that, I hated people who were drunk.  They acted like reptiles and I couldn’t think of anything worse.  I’d NEVER be like them.  NEVER.  It seemed inevitable then, that at some point in my future I would be staggering around St Petersburg at six in the morning unable to even walk upright.

Both times I simply couldn’t picture myself in that situation and both times found myself there after a natural flow of changes over the course of time.  So it is now that I find myself sitting in Jakarta airport waiting for my flight to Singapore.  I’ve already started working for my old company in the job that will become permanent in a few weeks.  I’ll be in Singapore for quite a while I think and I’m l0oking forward to it.  Living and working in a new country will be a whole new experience for me.  Being so central to south east asia means the idea of weekend trips to Vietnam, Thailand, Laos, Cambodia and Malaysia is both cheap, quick and will definitely be a part of my life for years to come.  Travelling to Indonesia is likely to be even more common to meet with my girlfriend and explore the country.  The thought is thrilling, but laced with conservatism.  I’ll have a good job in my chosen industry a nice apartment and probably matching curtains.  However, I also discovered that you can own chameleons in Singapore, something I’ll be looking into pretty shortly.

So why on earth would I bring that up?  Well, the truth must be obvious.  When I left Darwin ten years ago, heading for Melbourne, I was offered a chance to find work in Singapore.  At the time I said I’d never go there for work, or anything really.  I just couldn’t picture myself in that situation.  So here I am setting up the next part of my ever changing existence to be close to my girlfriend until we end up together more permanently.  To be living and working in another country, something I’ve been wanting to do for a few years now.  But best of all, none of that will change my ability to travel, in fact, it actually improves it beyond all measure.  It never ceases to amaze me what a change time can bring.

So there’s only one thing left to say.  I will NEVER be one of those damn health nuts who eats properly and exercises daily.  I will NEVER be that kind of smug git who glows with radiant vigour and knows it.  I just can’t see myself in that situation.