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Play 1-Day Fantasy Baseball To Win $100,000

It’s easy to become bored and distracted in the heart of baseball season. After all, there are 162 fucking games. Well, there’s one easy way to avoid an alarming lack of interest in America’s pastime: 1-day fantasy baseball. With that in mind, our friends at DraftKings.com are holding a contest specifically for the TFM readers...

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Why Do We Keep Making The Same Mistake?

We all know that one boy who sleeps with everyone. I’m not talking about the typical fraternity gentleman, who enjoys a good time with his slampiece of the moment, because let’s be honest, that’s half the guys you know. This guy is much worse than that. He made his way through every room in your...

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Rush Boobs From This Week (27 Photos)

Since the dawn of the internet, fraternity members have been convincing girls to write “Rush (Insert Fraternity Here)” across their chests for promotional purposes. Over the past several months there has been a massive resurgence in the world of rush boobs, and more recently, rush ass. Here are this week’s photos…

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Drinking For Charity: DGs Don’t Appreciate It When You Puke All Over Their Philanthropy

I remember my first philanthropy, a certain event thrown by Delta Gamma, which is apparently trademarked and forbidden from being named, like it was yesterday. This is impressive, since as the title suggests, I had been drinking. Also impressive? That I didn’t drown. Truly, it’s a miracle my mom doesn’t spend her days speaking at...

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Your Five Most Regrettable Drunken Decisions, And Why They’re Not Really That Bad

5. Going Home With A Stranger Sure, it’s not exactly ideal to wake up next to someone you barely remember meeting — your reputation is fleeting with each additional notch on your bedpost, and I suppose there’s the whole morality issue if you care about that, but at the end of the day, a complete...

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The Summer I Was The Worst Intern Ever

At the end of my freshman year of college at Mizzou I headed back home for the summer to work as an intern, or more accurately, a legal clerk, or more accurately still, an office bitch, at a small but prestigious law firm in downtown Clayton, an affluent and uniquely metropolitan suburb of St. Louis....

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A Tribute To The Sexual Advantages Men Have

Since the dawn of time, sex has been a major priority in the life of man. Ever since the cavemen slayed their first mammoth just for the chance at some sweet Betty Rubble poon, the pursuit of sexual deviancy has been a focus for a heavy load of our lives. But have you ever taken...

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In Defense Of Terrible Drivers: 20 Reasons Operating A Motor Vehicle Might Not Be Your Forte

1. You view side view mirrors as accessories. You don’t need to use one when your car has a rear view mirror, windows, and a sensor to prevent you from hitting something. 2. It’s hard to focus on the road if you’re texting. 3. Speed limits are just suggestions, much like “suggested alcohol intake.” 4....

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Mailbag: The Acid Tripping Try-Hard With A Bad Slice

My inbox has lately become a treasure chest of never-ending entertainment. I have to thank you all for this, even if the emails sometimes leave me worse for wear. This next one, for example, details an acid trip turned late night golf outing, leading to a life-changing epiphany tied into a golf shot I posted...

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20 Thoughts Running Through Your Head During A Post-Shack Morning Cuddle Session

I honestly hate to cuddle. Whatever inherent female gene that tells most women to be clingy post-coitus never fully developed in me. You’d think that would mean I’d never have to get cozy with some guy after a sleepover, but alas, it does not. I’ve found that every guy I’ve shared a bed with, even...

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Where Are They Now? Your Fraternity’s Graduating Class, Five Years Later

Graduation happens, even to the best of us. At some point you have to look yourself in the eye and say, “I’m going to pass Math 103 and walk across the stage this May.” College was the best four to seven years of your life, there’s no doubt about that, but what about after graduation?...

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The Importance Of Brotherhood

From time to time, I take a break from making lists of reasons to stay in college for a fifth year, and covering the administrative shenanigans of our beloved educational institutions, to do something a bit more serious. This is another one of those columns. Pull up a seat boys, it’s time to talk about...

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Explaining The Stride of Pride

You wake up just after the sun rises, and the whiskey is fresh on your breath like the dew on the grass outside. As you awkwardly attempt to roll over without waking last night’s conquest, you see that she’s almost a 7, probably a 6.7. Satisfied with the results, you track down your clothes to...

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Goofus & Gallant: Fraternity Edition Part 2

If you’ve spent any amount of time in a waiting room, you’re familiar with the Highlights for Kids classic feature, “Goofus & Gallant.” The comic strip features two young men who are entangled in scenarios that required some type of difficult choice. Goofus always chooses to be an idiot, while Gallant is the sparkling example...

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10 Reasons Emily Thorne Gets a Bid

1. She has a great wardrobe Whether she’s dressing up for a formal party at the Grayson’s, or having dinner with her hot not-quite boyfriend/fiancé, Emily always looks great. Her dresses are absolutely perfect. She looks great in casual wear too, always rocking the great skinny jeans, heels, and blazer look. Even when she’s hashing...

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To The Class of 2013: Drink Up, In A Good Way

Congratulations, you graduated, and hopefully not on time. Truthfully, graduation is not as bad of news as it was a few years ago. I’m just a little jaded by it, personally. I graduated right as the economy was taking a hot, wet crap in its own pants, and it took awhile for that son of...

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A Case Study of Try Hards

The “Party Girl” Try-Hard There’s a fine line between “good time” and “I can’t deal with this girl anymore” and she snorted it. This girl is mediocre-looking and remarkably unremarkable in every way but one: she is an absolute shitshow. Every pledge class has a liability issue, but this girl is an intentional disaster. Why?...

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FAIL FRIDAY: Taking It In The Face

Ten real submissions, 19 photos, and three videos that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty. Six pack contest with the bros. No beer was involved. TFM. -Tennessee That sounds the opposite of heterosexual. Having an “Ariel Castro’s basement” chill-to-pull ratio. TFM. -Michigan For anyone who’s wondering, Ariel Castro is the...

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Why We Haze

I’ve noticed a disturbing trend on this website, and the high dosage of Adderall currently in my bloodstream necessitates that I respond to this trend. Pledging is treated as merely a sadistic process; something fun to do to impressionable freshmen who will keep your cigarrettes lit and your drinks full. Indeed, there is an aspect...

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I Hate Being A GDI

On my bookmarks bar, I order the most visited sites from the inside out, so in the middle of the bar are sites like Twitter, ESPN and Youtube. So it may surprise many people that in 5th position from the middle are three little letters: TFM. Why is this surprising? Well if you couldn’t tell...

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