LA Deli

Forehead Tittaes!

Deli Llama — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 22:40:47 +0000

My new favourite thing in life, possibly ever, is Marion Cotillard proving that actually, yes, funnyordie.com is worth the terrabytes it uses with her ad for FOREHEAD TITTAES. Forehead Tittaes w/ Marion Cotillard from Marion Cotillard

Ron Howard cashes in on Heidi Montag’s freak face

Deli Llama — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 23:27:19 +0000

Never thought the names Ron Howard and Heidi Montag would be seen together in any context other than ‘Who was within 50 feet of each other at a red carpet event’ but Mr Howard upgraded from directing Angels & Demons to create a FunnyorDie.com video with Heidi Montag basically taking the piss out of her [...]

The Oscars Post

Deli Llama — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 20:40:48 +0000

The Oscars were definitively a ladies night on Sunday, and the upset-win of Kathryn Bigelow’s Hurt Locker for Best Picture and becoming the first woman to be named Best Director was the highlight. Something tells me James Cameron wont cry too hard into the $2.6 billion that Avatar has grossed since its record breaking launch. Continuing [...]

Oscar Fashion

Deli Llama — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 01:06:34 +0000

We will update tomorrow with our full best and worst dressed list, as well as commentary on the Oscars themselves. Suffice to say, thus far the night can be summed as WHAT THE HAELLL ARE YOU WEARING ?! DID YOUR STYLIST RAPE A MERMAID?!

More Sugababes DRAHMA

Deli Llama — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 00:08:20 +0000

The Sugababes are a drama couch right now. After so many of those bitches have quit and bitched and whined and quit again and then been booted, then decided they hadn’t quit. Fuck it’s hard to keep up…. But the latest deal is that Mutya Beuno (Buena) aka The Scary one is staking a legal claim to [...]

Shield Your eyes, intense virginity ahead!

Deli Llama — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 20:16:54 +0000

Everyones favourite delicate flower Lindsay Lohan shows us her sensitive, sweet side in this new photoshoot. And by that i mean her sensitive labia and her sweet middle finger. Ever the graceful lady, Lindsay flashes her arse, her boobs, and generally looks like the drunken nightmarish skank we all know she is – except instead of [...]

Todays Fodder: Airline Safety Videos!

Deli Llama — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 00:28:55 +0000

The most enjoyable part of any flight is watching air hostesses make twats of themselves with life vests to save the lifes of others! They’ve done this seven million times this week, so they always look like their piles have just burst throughout this painful procedure, unless you are flying with Singapore Airlines in which [...]

Ashley Cole now recruiting a new beard.

Deli Llama — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 19:56:15 +0000

The Ashley Cole – Cheryl Tweedy business partnership has come to an end. Tweedy, keen to keep her “down to earth no-nonsense girl” image was faced with another instance of Cole playing away from home with women, which is kind of funny since he’s definitely not a homosexual . So now we can all mourn the [...]

Did Catherine Zeta Jones get a time machine or some shit?

Deli Llama — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 00:58:08 +0000

This lovely looking young lady claims to be called Marina (and the Diamonds) but my eyes don’t lie, Catherine Zeta has simply taken a super long trip to the surgeon, thrown on a nice top and shimmied her timbers harder than Clinton Earle at a Saturday open bar. I am very okay with this.

Clinton Earle will shimmy your timbers.

Deli Llama — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 20:23:09 +0000

Clinto Earle from Pontefract wants to make it in Hollywood, which is actually likely since Ru Paul’s Drag Race is a hot topic. This tranny mess forced himself all over BBC3’s amazing and awesome SNOG MARRY AVOID show to get a makeunder, and gave us a great scene where he walked down Rathbone Place slowmo to a [...]

NO THANKS.

Deli Llama — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 22:26:13 +0000

This sounds like an Alanis Morisette impersonator recorded a demo which was then lost in the hair of Robert Pattinson for a few months before it was rewritten in fake blood on a tree. HATE.

Heidi’s Face and titties come out to play.

Deli Llama — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 19:41:02 +0000

Heidi Montag’s new face has been hiding after the world saw it and then hissed/recoiled, but she’s finally going to try her famewhore parade once more. Heidi and her waxy ass hemorrhoid face took to Pure nightclub to shake her titanic titties for a little publicity, and looks like it worked! Heidi still looked like she’d been attacked [...]

What the future holds for Fergie

dgw — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 16:23:38 +0000

Today, while you are stuffing yourselves with 100% fat pancakes that will fatten your thighs, you may wanna check out the new Black Eyed Peas music video. It is so 3008. Seriously guys, it’s two music videos in one. http://blackeyedpeas.dipdive.com/tv/#/~/videoplayer/0/5394/112845/~ The best thing about this 10-minute technological experiment, is that we can see the great Fergie in [...]

Heidi Montag is as talented at poetry as she is at singing.

Deli Llama — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 15:57:33 +0000

Since Saint Heidi’s face is scaring the children, we are unfortunately being deprived the Annual Heidi & Spencer ‘Paparazzi Candids’ of their true, raw, unbridled love giving to one another. However, never one to disappoint, Heidi decided to open up her other talents to the world and fortunately for us this didn’t involve her caterwauling like she’s [...]

Craig David’s face – WAT?

Deli Llama — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 00:13:43 +0000

I don’t want to be an asshole, but since it’s genetically imprinted in me to be so, I will just go right on ahead and say what everyone is thinking – Just what in the fuck is happening to Craig David’s face? He’s allegedly 28 years old. ALLEGEDLY! Things I can believe more than this: Paris Hilton is [...]

Kevin Smith is too fat to fly / Why I Hate Ryanair

Deli Llama — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 15:09:54 +0000

Kevin Smith, director of ‘Jersey Girl’ and ‘Clerks’ was recently booted off of a SouthWest Air flight because the captain saw the payload triple and asked the flight attendants to check the cabin for any elephants or houses that might have snuck onboard. After Kevin squeezed his thighs into an economy class seat (which he points [...]

Jennifer Garner accidentally jerks off a Dolphin

Deli Llama — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 18:21:11 +0000

Dolphins are pretty smart creatures, so when Jennifer Garner decided to chill out with a male dolphin one day, that man-dolphin showed us just how smart he was by using her to jerk him off. When on David Letterman, Garner said of filming “Fantasy Island” a show she was on at the infancy of her career “When I [...]

Maybe this will reverse the obvious brain damage.

Deli Llama — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 13:32:54 +0000

Tila Tequila took to her twitter (when is she never on twitter? does she tweet in her sleep?) to tell the world that she’s fallen off her chair and smacked her crazy head off of a wall. Tragically, this is 99% likely to either be a way to ‘abort’ her fake-baby and 100% likely to be [...]

Biggest Bint Ever: Madonna.

Deli Llama — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 23:40:53 +0000

THIS JUST IN: Madonna is still a fucking bint. In her latest bitch move she took a break from injecting steroids and human souls into her veins to instead move 200 Malawians out of their houses by paying them all around $600 because their village was kind of a problem for her since it is located on [...]

All Kayaks lead to Vegas

Deli Llama — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:57:30 +0000

Saleeeen Deeeooonnn (also known in some cultures as Celine Dion) only comes down from her home in the clouds once every few years, usually when theres a large Kayaking event on or for Renee Charles’ haircut for the decade, but this time Celine is heading back to her home on earth known as Las Vegas!! [...]

John Mayer is just plain embarrassing.

Deli Llama — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:41:41 +0000

From claiming that he kissed Perez Hilton to show him “how fucking gay” he actually is, to revealing to Playboy that sex with Jessica Simpson sex is “like sexual Napalm”, saying Jennifer Aniston wishes she was still in 1998 and then using the “n” word in reference to the black community whilst talking about him [...]

What in the name of Susan Sarandon

Deli Llama — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:23:26 +0000

I’m not really sure what the fuck to think whenever i see Rihanna right now. Well actually, I do But im pretty sure “Why does she look like a cockatoo after a six hour anal session with a panda in a bush?” isn’t really the response she wants from her acid-trip 90’s revival video for “Rude [...]

Alexander McQueen kills himself, Alec Baldwin tries the same?

Deli Llama — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:10:55 +0000

Famous, rich people and people who read Fashion Glossies alike are in mourning after the noted fashion designer Alexander McQueen hung himself (According to The Daily Mail) only a week after he announced the passing of his mother. Alexander was 40 years old. Sads. Alexander was as Monica Geller might say in “tha prahmmm of layffee” [...]

A lot of famous people and that dude from Twilight

Deli Llama — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 00:53:05 +0000

Here’s a lot of famous people pretending to be happy together at the Valentines Day premiere. Now we all know that Jennifer Garner is the best person alive, so she’s obviously always genuinely happy, but fuck me couldn’t Topher Grace try harder? Oh no i get it, Taylor Lautner is slipping his hand down Topher’s [...]

Madonna should definitely screw an airbrush artist

Deli Llama — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 00:31:34 +0000

Madonna better get writing another prenup because hell knows she needs to marry a copy of Photoshop. Above is a picture of Madonna before and after retouching for her Louis Vuitton adverts. Madonna must be super friendly to airbrush artists, since leaks of her without a 44 hour digital overhaul are becoming as common as the [...]

Thats Enough, Lindsay Lohan.

Deli Llama — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 00:08:42 +0000

Lindsay Lohan is like a stripper that you got really drunk with, and in your wasted misjudgment, you paid for oral sex with. Now you’ve got herpes, you keep picking ash out of your teeth and she wont stop calling because that night was the “best moment of her life”. Anyway, here is that crazy 48 year [...]

The (Trial) New Look 2010 Deli

Deli Llama — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 22:51:14 +0000

Don’t be afraid little one, we are aware that the site is still in a bit of a mess following our latest rebirth, but we can assure you that the swelling will go down and you’ll be back to basics with this old trick at the same street corner you’ve always gone to do for [...]

Inappropriate spending in tough times.

Deli Llama — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 19:24:24 +0000

Warner Brothers better not think about axing one damn job this side of Christmas given that it was announced today that Daniel Radcliffe made $41 Million for the last two Harry Potter films, and Emma Watson was paid $30 Million for the same honour, making them the top-paid actors in Hollywood land. THIS SHENANIGANS ?! Why not [...]

Heidi Montag’s mother has 20/20 vision.

Deli Llama — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 12:41:12 +0000

When your daughter gets a huge plastic surgery transformation from normal, reasonably attractive human being to something that looks like a blown up used condom stuffed with sausage fat, you kind of have every right to be a little concerned. This is something that Heidi Montag was not aware of, and so when she returned home [...]

If Jessica Biel and Jennifer Garner were lovers

Deli Llama — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 03:29:48 +0000

I’m guessing it would look a lot like their current Marie Claire spread and the world would be a happier place. Jessica Biel’s stuffed sausage lips are nicely offset by the lovely Jennifer Garner’s nicely proportioned lips. Apparently these two are suddenly best friends, which is super funny and such a wierd coincidence since they both [...]

What the hell is a Justin Bieber?

Deli Llama — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 03:18:37 +0000

I don’t know what the hell one of these Bieber things are, (Is it a tiny lesbian from space?) but what i do know is that security at these Haiti fundraisers better step their game up a few leagues, because whatever the hell it is, it found its way next to Bahbwah Striesand and Saleen [...]

I actually remembered to pay the damn bills.

Deli Llama — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 03:00:29 +0000

I’m not sure if any of you have put down the Vodka and Vicodin Jellies long enough in the past two years to remember back to a darker time when we were called THE-DELI.ORG. It was a time when traffic flowed freely from bigger sites who embraced us with their warm, slutty bussoms. It was a [...]

Perhaps sub-prime mortgages would have been a better investment…

Deli Llama — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 23:26:35 +0000

St Heidi Montag of Beverley Hills has been building us up for the last three years to this monumental occasion. No, She is not going to cure cancer, no she is not going to heal the blind, and no, she is not going to user her titty implants to provide hours of water-balloon fun. Instead, Heidi [...]

Carrie Underwood is kind of a bitch.

Deli Llama — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 15:59:56 +0000

Everyone knows that Taylor Swift is the cutest little elf gift from Jesus, Allah and Buddah for humanity before we all die watching that 2012 movie. Carrie Underwood was too busy stabbing fans in the face to get the memo, and whilst hosting the CMA’s she brought out her inner cuntress to play when her [...]

The Diary of Mimi: I have an announcement…

Deli Llama — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 19:54:16 +0000

FUCKASEDIF9WEFR9WEFWEFNWEFWEF UGH Sorry fans, it’s Mimi here, and my usually glorious composure that I get from my inner butterfly has departed today because that SKANK and TROLLFUCK Toni Braxton is bringing out a new song. BITCH PLEASE DIDN’T YOU GET THE MEMO? No one gives a damn fuck about your beat face any more, go home [...]