Too Long; Didn't Read

Are you guys plain stupid, or gluttons for punishment?

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:57:09 +0000

Who here honestly expected Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li to be any good? If you paid good money to see this film, not only do you deserve to witness this year's worst motion picture; you also deserve to be crushed by a bonus room full of twenty barrels. (If, on the other hand, you paid for your ticket with stolen money, then you're still a fool for knowingly putting yourself through cinematic torture. I can only hope you had the good sense to stumble in drunk.)

Watchmen. Review by Rorschach.

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:42:59 +0000

RORSCHACH'S JOURNAL. MARCH 5TH, 2009.:
Saw film tonight. Called "Watchmen". Didn't like it. Difficult to watch with face on, theatre smelt like urine and fornication. Too much hippy music. Intro too long. Time wasted on gratuitous life/death struggle and indulgent depictions of fornication. Image of Comedian falling out of window would have sufficed, as would suggestion of sexual relationship.

PETA Goes to War With Call of Duty.

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:30:29 +0000

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have taken issue with yet another videogame. Surprise, surprise. And this time it isn't Cooking Mama. No-hoo, this time it's Call of Duty: World at War. I can feel your surprise increasing. PETA also apparently take issue with modern history, and seek to change it. So, all around, not so many surprises.

No, it isn't the slaughter of millions of soldiers that have got on PETA's goat, but rather those poor Nazi attack dogs. You know, the ones you receive as a bonus after getting seven kills in a row?

[Maybe you don't, in which case ur a n00b.]

It Would Seem That Being a Republican Goes Hand in Hand with Not Knowing what Socialism is.

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 19:25:26 +0000

Is it like a pre-requisite for joining the party or something?

And now back at the party office...
"Wow, you really hate abortion, and gay people! Bravo! But, you seem to have a basic grasp of what the term "socialism" means. REJECTED!"

Why Video Games Are Better Than Real Life.

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 04:34:43 +0000

You only get one life, in real...life. That would be ZERO lives in a video game.
Unless you believe in the afterlife, in which case you only have two. That would be ONE life in a video game - with cheats on - and cheats are just no fun.
If you don't like the layout of your house, you can't just switch to debug mode and put girders in.
I ate A LOT of mushrooms a couple of weeks ago. They didn't give me extra lives, they didn't make me increase in size; they didn't even give me prophetic visions. FAIL.

Obama has Already Changed the United States of America. Or, My Special Moment with a Black Man

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 05:48:27 +0000

I never post personal stories on this website. In that fine tradition, I present you with a personal story:

So, I was in my Western Civilization class. To my right sits a black guy. Hes kinda fat, but he isn't one of those hilarious and misunderstood wacky black guys. He is serious, studious, and overall, a beautiful human being. We never really talk, but we are aware of each other's presence.

Dezzy vs. the Blind Saxophonist: A Comparative Review

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 02:24:36 +0000

Editor's Note: Adam is Australian. We have no idea what he is talking about either.

There are two cultural mainstays of the Brisbane busking scene: there's "the Jamaican guy" - who is in fact named Desmond, and is rather from Trinidad and Tobago - and then there's "that blind saxophone guy". I know this because I have seen these two musicians play on the Queen Street Mall since my early teens, perhaps even before, right through to the present.

GUIDE: How to Get Girls to Like You

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 00:09:33 +0000

Tell her you've had sex

Now, don't just walk up to her and say "I have had sex," but you do need to make it clear that you have banged a girl before (even if you actually haven't). You can mention it pretty bluntly, like "yeah so I was banging this chick once and..." but she will probably be disgusted and call you a pig. That's ok. Sooner or later, she will start thinking about what you said and realize that you're not a virgin and thus know how to please a woman or at least know where her vagina is. Girls need this reassurance so they know you won't cry after the first time you have sex together. A little while after you make it known that you've had sex, she'll text you with something asinine like "so... wut r u doin 2nite lol." Score.

Five Video Games That Are Fuck-You-In-The-Ass Difficult

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 22:56:51 +0000

When I was little, I played a lot of video games. Oh, who am I kidding, I still play a lot of video games. Either way, every now and then, one comes along that is so difficult, so grueling, so mind-numbingly uncompromising in its toughness that it causes you to relapse into a bout of insanity, hunched in the corner eating your own fecal matter and begging for some divine power to take your life (hypothetically speaking, of course...definitely not from personal experience). One of these is bad enough. Five is even worse, and here they are:

Lil Wayne to Make Guest Appearance in Obama’s Inauguration Address

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 05:15:19 +0000

DETROIT (Reuters) - President-elect Barack Obama has announced today that hip-hop artist Lil Wayne will have a guest spot on his inauguration address when he is sworn into the presidency on January 20, 2009.

“It wasn’t really my decision,” Obama explains. “There’s just something about Lil Wayne. No matter what you’re doing, he’s always there to chime in.”