Unspoken Words

Kepo.Lagi.

2013-03-29T00:14:00.002+08:00

How's your feeling if you found out somebody that u used to know now in the middle of flirty conversation with someone new....

And that somebody is someone that u used to love but ended up as stranger....

does it hurt ?
are you mad ?
or sad ?

*backsound: Gotye-Somebody that i used to know*

Gue gak tau harus gimana lagi, udah 4 bulan gue ditinggal pergi gitu aja, tanpa alasan jelas dengan sakit hati yang membekas.Told you before guys, gue sampai detik ini masih kepo tingkat ekstreme sama mantan gue itu and Big Thanks to the Internet again.

But..

Gue gak tau yah apa pantas rasa terima kasih itu gue ucapin buat bapak penemu internet. Bener kata temen gue semakin gue kepo semakin sakit yang gue rasa. So it's like i am the one who keep these pain.

Malam ini gue kepo lagi.

Yah gimana gue gak bisa kepo coba, semua akun jejaring social network dia gue tau passwordnya except Path...cuman Path yang sampai detik ini yang buat gue penasaran...apa yang dia share, dimana dia, bla bla bla. Pernah beberapa kali gue buat Path palsu buat melampiaskan hasrat kepo gue yang udah tertanam dalam banget. Tapi kayaknya dia tau, and my efforts ended up with the unshare button.

So since my couple failures i've tried to stop trying want to bangetlah sama isi Path dia.

kembali ke keponya gue malam ini.

Malam ini dia lagi chat sama orang yang accidentally makes me knew kalau dia ada Path. Jadi nih yah...( gpp yah back to masa-masa indah pedihnya gue ) dia baru beli iPhone tuh inget banget guenya, gue malah yang ketemuan ama temannya buat ngambil tuh gadget ( tempat ketemu gue ama temennya itu jga accidentally ditempat jadian kita loh ) *okesipskipybye*

Pas dia baru make tuh gadget gue yang buatin dia social network bla bla bla..kecual ( again ) Path. Dan pas gue udah balik ke bandung dia jauh di jawa tengah sana gue dikagetin sama timeline path gue....XXX friends with "your love"

*DANG*

yeah suddenly lah yah gue mikir WTF! banget gue pacarnya gak diajak buat temenan di social network itu, dan gue langsung nanya...eh dia jawab "gak usah nanti kamu kepikiran macem-macem lagi" in that time pas dia ngomong gitu gue ngerasa tersanjung banget, gue rasa saking sayangnya dia sama gue dia gak mau liat something weird that might be could brings us to arguing. Tapi yah tetep weeeh *alasunda* kalau emang toh ternyata dia ngomong kayak gitu karena sayang, yah gue juga punya alasan yang sama buat keponya gue, karena gue sayang banget makanya gue gak pengen dia direbut orang lain *ceilah* dan jadilah path-path palsu yang gue ceritain tadi.

Nah!

malam ini dia chat dengan mantan teman path gue itu ( udah gue unshare karena cemburu buta haha ) si G ini mendadak gatel sama mantan gue ! *DEM* dia ngajak mantan gue dugem dong ! GILAK! gue aja kalau dugem dimarahin sama mantan gue itu lah ini dia tau mantan gue lagi dijakarta, dia ngajak dah tuh ke equinnox !

But wait...

Pas si G nanya sama mantan gue itu suka dugem apa gak mantan gue malah jawab "sukaaa lumayan" OMG! Phuck! Gue taunya dia anak baik-baik! anak rumahan! anak gak suka keramaian! *ceunah* dia sendiri yang ngomong sama gue! dan betapa begonya gue percaya gitu aja! tapi untungnya mantan gue ini nolak ajakan si G! Tapi tetep aja gue kesel soalnya dia jawabnya pake "sukaaa" with triple "A" ! u guys know what i mean! orang nih yah kalau udah ngetik something dan huruf vokalnya udah dilebihin pasti dianya ngerasa seneng chatnya! beda kan kalau chat dibales ala kadarnya like "oke" "yup" "sip"

HAHAHAHAHAHA *ketawaindirisendiri*

i dont know to whom i am laughing at.... gue ketawain aja mereka berdua kayak gitu seolah-olah there's only both of them ! Padahal ada gue gitu disini yang ngeliat percakapan mereka! HAHA!

gue juga ketawain diri sendiri, saking niatnya kepo gue dikit-dikit check applikasi chat itu buat ngeliat how far their conversation goes to.

Sakit ? iya
Sedih ? tentu
Cemburu ? Bangeettt

But what can i do ? *sigh* pertanyaan bodoh banget yah kayaknya! yah gue gak bisa ngapai-ngapain! i only had two option 1) stop want to know banget 2) continue want to know banget !

and poor i am...it's like i'll choose th 2nd option.

udah gak keitung temen yang nyaranin gue ( bukan nyaranin lagi tapi udah nyuruh ) buat stop my bad habbits buat kepo banget! But i just can't stop it...for right now.

Pernah gak sih lo kepo sama mantan dengan niat cuman tau kabar dia gimana, sedang apa, bersama sapa, dan lagi dimana.....

Yah emang kayak psycho sih kedengarannya tapi yah tetep aja buat gue nih yah mau gue sekepo apapun it's meaningless karena gue gak bisa ngapai-ngapain, gue tetep bakal senasib sama para kepoers lain diluar sana.....cuman bisa liat dan diam. Actually alasan paling kuat gue buat kepo selain untuk tau dia lagi deket sama siapa, yang paling dominan itu karena gue pengen tau dia ada dimana. gue cuman pengen ketemu sekali lagi aja even for 5 minutes.

Gue udah sadar diri gue gak bakal bisa kembali lagi sama dia, tapi at least gue cuman pengen hubungan gue sama dia berakhir baik. Gak kayak gini, dia minta putus setelah sebulan gak ketemu cuman lewat bbm, sakit gak sih ? yes ! *curhat*

Untuk kamu, kalau misalnya kamu mungkin baca ini, aku cuman pengen sekali ketemu baik-baik. kita jadian baik-baik putusnya pun harus baik-baik. Gak terima dengan cara kamu menghilang pergi gitu aja buat aku kayak ayu ting-ting nyari alamat.

So in the end i just want to say sorry to my ownself for keeping these pain longer than i should, for all tears that rolled down on my cheeks everytime i try to find out about my ex's new life without me :)

Mungkin kepo bakal berhenti manakala mantan gue ganti password social networknya....

and here it's the last part of their conversations whichwill be the end of my story today....and it also will be the reason i'll cry a river tonight in my dreams...

Jadi dugem

jujur memang sakit dihati...
bila kini nyatanya engkau memilih dia..
takkan lagi ku sebodoh ini..
larut didalam angan...
angan tanpa tujuan....

gue bakal sabar menanti sampai gue ngerasa jenuh dan bener-bener ngerasa yang namanya "takkan lagi ku sebodoh ini..*

*nowplaying : Tulus-Sewindu

BINGUNG ? IYA BANGET!

2013-03-25T00:19:00.001+08:00

Kerja...

kata yang pasti akan terdengar asing dan malesin buat didenger apalagidilakukan sama orang-orang yang hobbynya having fun. And i am absolutelyincluded. Umur gue udah hampir kepala dua. Time flies away with memories left behindto remembered. Udah banyak hal kesenangan hidup yang gue alamin di usia yang hampir20 ini. Gak cmn seneng juga sih sebenernya...ada sedihnya juga kok..i amstill human being.

Minggu lalu, gue tiba-tiba sadar akan yang namanya pekerjaan..karenadi kelas managemen SDM yang waktu belajarnya bukan main malesin karena bikinngantuk itu dosen gue bener-bener jelasin how difficult to get job rightnow..he said actually it was wrong if people said that our country haslimited job fields cause actually the problem is was not the job fields...butit was the human resources itself.

i dont know if my friends also realized what i am thinking in that time..gueserasa ditampar..gue serasa di siram air seember yang bener-bener bisa banguningue dari mimpi indah yang berkepanjangan...he said..actually we had a lot of field jobs..tapi sayangnya itu gakberguna karena gak tersedianya SDM yang bener-bener capable buat mengisilowongan kerja itu.

So...i was thinking....

Capable ? How can we judge that someone is capable enough ?

Mendadak gue berkaca ke diri sendiri....apa gue udah cukup capable kah? Bisa gak yah gue nanti sehabis lulus dari kampus tercinta ini langsung dapatkerjaan tanpa harus nunggu lama ? Trus kalau misalnya nanti gue udahkerja gue bakal dapat gaji berapa yak ? Apa kata orang tua gue nanti kalau ifi cant get good job with good salary ?

*BOOM*

Serasa ditampar sama kata "capable" ini..yah maksudnya guegak terlalu merendahkan diri banget, i mean i am not that bad...i am stillhas big willingness within my self..i will fight as long as i can terus punya niat gede doang tanpa usaha cukup gak sih ?...what i meanreally is...ada orang-orang diluar sana yang juga sama-sama punya keinginankuat, sama-sama ingin kerja, sama-sama pengen bahagian orangtuanya...tapi...mereka lebih rajin, mereka lebih pandai, mereka lebihpandai....tapi lagi...mereka tetep GAGAL.

i do believe in faith and destiny.

tapi yang namanya takdir bisa berubah...jika ada niat dari orangnya buatngerubah takdirnya ( yah usaha yah namanya berarti )...mendadak gue kembali ke lembaran lama hidupgue...melihat...how far things has been changed actually..and i thought itwas pretty cool...cause now i've got better things rather than my past..

So...what i am just gonna need right now ?

Rajin ? gue rasa gue cukup rajin

Telaten ? kayaknya iya juga deh

Konsisten ? hmmm....tergantung mood kali yah..

Pinter ? biasa aja...

Malas ? iya banget...

Then....apakah faktor rajin malesnya seseorang itukah yang nentuinmasa depan ? Apa pintar begonya seseorang yang buatnya diterima ditempat kerjayang bagus ?Apa kerasnya usaha yang bisa buat takdir yang gelap gulita jadi terang benderang ?

*DANG*

Mendadak gue keinget lagi...ucapan salah seorang temen gue yang bilang...

“let it flows like water in the river...banyak loh orang cerdas, pintar, rajin atau apalah itu yang juga gaksukses…faktor-faktor itu gak selamanya mendominasi kok, terkadang ada factor lain,misalnya saja keeksisan, alias networking nya dia kayak gimana….lo mau sepinterapa juga tapi kalau gak ada temen mah sama aja boong”

Then I was like…”OMG how fool I amnever think about that”

Kerja itu sesuatu yang gak harus dipaksakan..akantetapi kerja itu sesuatu yang harus dicocokkan dengan kemampuan kita..it doesn’tmean if you are dumb or what ever it is you should be abang becak…what I meanis we were born with different capability…yah pasti semua orang gak sama dongyah emang ada yang pinternya gak ketulungan ada juga yang begonya gakkurang-kurang tapi malah nambah…but belumtentu bego/pinter itu doang yang dimiliki..kalau misalnya bego disatu hal pastibakal pinter/bisa di hal lain…all we haveto do is love what we do..do what we love…jadi yah emang bener sih kataorang jangan paksain kalau misalnya gak bisa….

Jadi buat kamu-kamu yang mungkin yah rada pemalas semasa belajar..tapieksisnya gak keitung punya temen banyak diluar sana, jangan berkecil hati soalmasa depan…tapi gak berarti juga harus males-males atau mendadak pengen stuckmenjadi orang bego…emang mau malas dan bego sampai kapan ? try to changingit..slowly but surely…

Then buat kamu yang rajin pinter,jangan sombong dulu kawan…belum tentu loh IP tinggi bisa buat kamu kerja dengangaji idaman…apa artinya kalau lo pinter..ansos..kuper and less-networking..? hmm tapi belum tentu juga sih yah…orang yangkuper itu gak bisa dapet kerja bagus…

jadinya harus kayak gimana dong ?..yah kalau kata orang kalaukasusnya kayak gitu berarti lo harus bisa dua-duanya yagak ?

Tapi nih yah masih ada yang buat gue bingung..

Kata temen temen gue lagi..kerja itu sama aja kayak belajar...dari tahu menjadi tidak tahu..ada orang yang education backgroundnya sarjana pertanian tapi malah kerja jadi pegawai bank...how come ?

Nah itu dia..kerja itu belajar, jadi katanya gak mesti juga kok harus selalu sesuai....yah kalau kata gue sih itu wajar aja kita lakuin kalau emang kita orang yang melihat situasi dan kondisi persaingan sekarang ini...kalau kita ngeliat gimana sulitnya hidup sekarang ini..pengennya "gini"..tapi dompetnya "gitu"... nah kalau kita orang yang menyadari bahwa ribetnya hidup berekonomi yang dari hari ke hari makin menjadi aja sulitnya pasti lah yah kita bakal berusaha nyari kerjaan yang bisa kita pelajari kalau emang apes-apesnya kita gak nemu kerjaan yang actually pas dan sesuai dengan kemampuan dan gaji yang sesuai dengan keinginan...tapi kalau orang dengan tipe yang gak terlalu mikirin persaingan gengsi dan gaya hidup dijaman ekonomi ribet ini pasti bakal pakai prinsip yah gue bakal kerja sesuai dengan kemampuan gue..bisanya gue...yang gue cinta...yah love what i do, do what i love lah istilahnya..ngapain gitu ribetin diri memaksakan belajar suatu pekerjaan yang sebenarnya gak bisa dikerjain...yah kalau emang gajinya gak seberapa tapi yah namanya gue puas dan ngerasa enak...gimana dong ? daripada gaji oke tapi kerja gak enak gimana ?

Tapi gimana kalau misalnya sesuatu yang susah diawal pasti hasilnya manis...berakit-rakit ke hulu...berenang ketepian..yah namanya kerja nya ribet gak enak juga pasti bakal buat hasil yang manis...yah kali aja kerjanya susah tapi gaji lumayan..berarti balik lagi dong yah ketipe orang yang ngeliat realitas itu sebagai duit semata yang gak pake prinsip love what you do..do what you love....eh kalau misalnya dia sukanya duit yah dia kerja keras pake beban itu kan berarti do what you love..*kepalaberasap* *bingung*

Terus gimana dong sama orang yang pinter kagak, kuper iya tapi duit banyakjadinya bisa dibantu gitu deh alisa diketekin orang tua buat kerjanya...gimana tuh ? HAHAHA gue juga bingung sendiri..banyak kok beberapa temen gueyang notabene anak orang kaya mereka gak gaul-gaul amat, trus juga gakpinter-pinter amat…gimana yah masa depan mereka ? apa mereka tipe orang yang menganggap kerja itu belajar ?

Nah itu yang buat gue gue bingung..haha, bingung gak sih bacanya ? gue aja yang nulis bingung..but seriously...this future things really makes me confused to the bone lah...

Tapi yang pasti i will always wishing the best one for my future...gak muluk-muluk kok Tuhan pengen bahagian orang tua aja udah, bisa buat mereka bangga dan ngerasa gak sia-sia ngeluarin duit buat sekolah gue..Amin *posisi berdoa*

Tapi sih sebenernya gak usah dibawa ribet yakk...kalau mau kerja bagus yah usaha, belajar ama berdoa.karena kan kita gak pernah tau apa yang bakal terjadi...tomorrow is like labyrinth you'll never know what's waiting for you in the next bend..

Good Love is On The Way

2013-03-09T16:40:00.000+08:00

Beda sudut pandang itu memang jelas adanya, dan beberapa bulan belakangan ini gue bener-bener nyadarin hal itu.Yeah i know it sucks...u guys must be thought that i am the most overreacted guy now due to some of my posts that keeps reminding me of my ex tapi gimana yah..everything that i had still makes me flying back to memories that i've shared with my Ex. Pasti kalian pernah lah yah ngalamin hal sama kayak gue...manakala kalian udah mencoba moving on but once came up song through the air then straightly attack ur heart with memories..itu yang gue rasa...banyak banget hal yang ngingetin gue sama dia, gak cuman lagu doang, all i can say is almost half part of Bandung City keeps pulling me back to my memories...roads, hotels, cafe, restourant, and even a car you know. Gue udah cukup vulgar ceritain masa-masa yang gue lewatin sama dia in my previous post. Dan gue udah pernah nanyain komentar salah satu temen virtual gue yang gue anggap cukup capable buat menilai gimana sih tulisan gue....haha actually the first reason why this blog could be existed was my willingness to write down all my unspoken words especially words of love and talking about Ex is included. Udah banyak banget kayaknya kisah cinta yang gue ceritain di blog ini, then i just realized..kenapa gak gue coba buat melatih keinginan menulis ini, who knows lah yah "sapa tau suatu hari nanti gue bisa jadi penulis beneran. HAHAHA.

But seriously sekarang udah ada beberapa orang yang nanyain what i'd like to be in future ? gue cuman bisa jawab, yah gue kuliah komunikasi, dan gue rasa setiap pekerjaan itu butuh komunikasi so i guess i can fit to any kinds of job. Tapi jujur aja gue sendiri masih belum yakin kedepannya bakal kayak gimana...just like Rihanna said through her song....tomorrow way is too far away..we cant get back to yesterday all we got is right now...jadi itu yang mungkin saat sekarang ini gue coba lakuin, gue bakal mencoba buat jalanin apa aja yang ada sekarang gitu, gue gak perlu terlalu heboh mikirin kedepannya gimana...but it doesnt means that i am not taking these thing seriously...gue masih mikirin gimana gue kedepannya, tapi yah gue bakal sebisa mungkin enjoy my life right now....and it's true we can get back to yesterday..but does it wrong if some things pulling me back to past ? reminding me to someone that i used to know as lover but ended up as stranger ?

Orang yang gue mintain pendapat itu bilang kalau misalnya tulisan gue yang bahas tentang dia itu terlalu vulgar..he said people dont want to know details about things that happened between us...yah emang sih terkesan lebay emang tapi yah seperti yang gue bilang di awal, perspektif kita beda-beda, pemikiran kita beda, sikap kita juga pasti beda. Temen gue itu ngomong kenapa katanya gue gak mencoba menulis sesuatu yang bersifat inspiratif aja...yah kalau emang pengen bahas soal my broken hearted stories...why can't i just transforming it into inspiring way? yah jawaban gue cuman hehe doang..yaiyalah hehehe gue bukan expert kayak dia, namanya juga gue penulis blogger doang haha...tapi yah amin deng someday gue bisa jadi penulis beneran...

Tapi kata gue yah banyak juga kok orang yang vulgar nulisin detail moment demi moment yang dilewati entah itu nyata atau fiktif belaka..justru gue sih ngelihat diri gue dan orang-orang yang mendeskripsikan tentang kejadian yang mereka alami secara detail adalah tipe orang yang menghargai kenangan or moments...and of course i proudly say that i am part of those people. Sulit loh nemuin orang yang bisa mengingat dengan jelas kejadian-kejadian yang pernah dialamin bareng, apalagi kejadian percintaan...tujuan gue sih sebenarnya menuliskan hal yang pernah gue alamin secara jelas itu selain untuk melampiaskan rasa sesak di dada juga sekalian buat tunjukin ke orang-orang gue itu adalah orang yang romantissss...yang selalu ingat moment-moment maniss....bersama seorang yang paling eksisss...eksis dihati maksudnya. I just want to show my EX....sampai sekarang gue masih inget kenangan gue sama dia secara mendetail...karena gue sayang dan cinta dia.

Kalau gue mau cerita lagi soal dia, yang ada gue dikira terlalu lama stuck-nya...tapi emang bener kok sampai sekarang gue masih stuck on moments....ada banyak kegilaan yang gue lakuin sampai detik ini, yah salah satunya KEPO ekstrim yang gue lakuin, gue tau dia lagi deket sama siapa, chat sama siapa, sedang apa, bersama siapa, ada dimana...semua gue tau...and Big Thanks i'll say to Leonard Kleinrock penemu internet yang udah sangat berjasa memuaskan hasrat kepo gue dan jutaan orang sakit hati yang masih kangen mantan.

So in the end i just want to say...

We're all same..human being...tapi kita beda dari segi pikiran dan tindakan, dan hal itu yang menurut bakal menjadi ciri khas seseorang, dia akan diingat atau dikenang karena tindakannya...yah sama kayak gue lah yah yang bakal diinget karena keromantisan gue yang tak berujung ini buat gue jadi gak bisa moving on...dan sama juga kayak mantan gue yang gue akan selalu kenang karena sifatnya yang sangat manis diawal kenal dan kejam diperpisahan...and now i just have to force my self to get used to with it.

But Thanks God..i am alive! Kejadian disakitin mantan tentu bukan cuman gue yang ngalamanin, masih banyak orang yang ngalamin hal itu dan bahkan mungkin lebih parah..kalau kasus gue yah mungkin cuman diputusin lewat bbm trus ngilang kayak ditelan bumi...ditelfon gak diangkat..disms gak dibales...dingemis-ngemis pun gak digubris. Pathetic. Yah mungkin gue cuman disakitin kayak gitu, diluar sana gue yakin masih ada orang yang disakiti gak cuman perasaan tapi juga fisik.

So for all lovers around the world...dont worry if you are being the broken hearted one..believe that someone out there will be waiting for you and ready to fix up your broken heart and building up your love story again with unexpected moments though i know we're all the broken hearted one still afraid to open up our heart to meet new love...but believe it dear..Good Love Is On The Way...

Surat Untuk Kamu (2) - Final Goodbye

2013-02-07T10:13:00.001+08:00

Bulukumba...

Dinginnya sikapmu buat dingin hatiku...
Sikap bekumu yang tak kunjung luluh akan keteguhanku buat beku hatiku...
Rasa yang sama tapi berbeda...
Dingin dan beku yang kau beri terasa sakit dan pilu menyesakkan di dada...

Lebih dari 2 bulan aku mencoba bertahan..mengharap dirimu kembali..
Selama 2 bulan itu pula hanya diam yang kau beri..

Mungkin memang benar kata teman-teman ku.....
Sudah saatnya aku melepas dirimu pergi.

Masih terngiang..
Dalam dan merdunya suaramu...
Tatkala lagu kesukaan mu mengudara ditelingamu...
Dengan santainya kau melantunkan bait demi bait lirik...

Masih ku ingat...
Ucapanmu yang tak henti-hentinya berkata...

"Udah undang aku aja di acara kampusmu..udah mirip artis ini.."
Manakala kuberitahu dirimu tentang acara kampus yang aku panitiai...hanya ejekan gelak tawa yang mampu kuberi

Masih ku ingat...
Ocehan kagetmu manakala kau berkunjung ke kostku...

"Gila debu smua ini, kamu makannya gimana berdebu smua? Gak sehat ini" ucapmu sembari tetap menyetir menyusuri jalan sekitar kampusku...
Hanya ucapan pembelaan bahwa terdapat beberapa rumah makan cukup bersih yang aku jadikan tempat makan...

Andai kau tahu...saat itu dalam hati ini...muncul rasa senang..senang akan perhatianmu yang tersirat oleh ocehan tentang higienis tidaknya lingkungan tempat tinggalku...

Kau parkirkan mobil mu didepan Indomart sukabirus, dan dengan segera aku berlari menyebrang ke RM Padang Megaria...

Nasi, Perkedel, Tempe, dan Telur pun menjadi menu makanmu malam itu...masih ku ingat kau tipe orang yang sebisa mungkin menghindari makanan berlemak berkolesterol...

Dan malam itu di kost Zigma B6 tanggal 8 September..aku dan kamu menghabiskan malam minggu berpelukan hingga terbit fajar.

"Even if you were a million miles away
I could still feel you in my bed
Near me, touch me, feel me"-Alicia Keys

Terlalu banyak kejadian yang mungkin jika aku ingat...hanya malah akan menambah rasa sedihku akan sikapmu yang sekarang ini berubah 180 derajat....

Hanya tarikan nafas panjang serta ucapan doa dalam hati berharap aku bisa melupakanmu sama seperti dirimu yang mencampakkanku...

Terdengar kasihan memang jikalau orang mendengar kisahku tentang dirimu yang mencampakkan ku pergi begitu saja diam seribu bahasa..

Sampai detik ini aku tak peduli tentang ucapan mereka yang terkesan mengejekku dengan kata "Drama"

Mereka hanya tidak mengerti..karena mereka tidak tahu begitu banyak kenangan indah yang aku dan kamu lalui ditengah singkatnya kebersamaan kita...

Untuk kamu...

Kamu yang menurut ceritamu dulu beratnya 80 Kg lebih pas kuliah...
Kamu yang hobby mengoleksi parfume..
Kamu yang sebisa mungkin menghindar makanan berkolesterol...
Kamu yang gemar mengoleksi brand adidas...
Kamu yang sekarang tinggal disalatiga sana..
Kamu orang pertama yang menjadi alasanku pergi jauh meninggalkan kota Bandung ke Kuningan sana...
Kamu yang buatkan aku sereal dipagi hari manakala ku mengunjungi mu di kuningan sana...
Kamu yang tak henti-hentinya menyuruhku makan banyak karena senang memeluk yang gemuk...
Kamu yang dulu sering aku pijit dari ujung kepala hingga kaki...
Kamu yang selalu wangi...
Kamu yang senang akan rutinitas mu...
Kamu yang sebisa mungkin menghindari tempat ramai..
Kamu yang hobby traveling
Kamu...hey kamu..yang selalu ada dihati dan pikiran ku...
Kamu yang selalu kurindu...
Kamu yang sampai detik ini masih buatku galau apakah harus melepasmu ataukah tetap berusaha meluluhkan hatimu...

Teringat ucapan seorang teman manakala kuceritakan soal dirimu..kuberitahu dirinya tentang prinsip yang aku pegang perihal dirimu...

"Sekeras-kerasnya batu karang, lama kelamaan juga akan hancur dihantam ombak"

Seketika itu juga ucapan temanku membuat goyah prinsip yang selama ini kupegang....

"Kalau bisa beli berlian buat apa susah-susah memoles emas jadi berlian"

Ucapan yang begitu dalam maknanya...
Seolah-olah secara nyata dan gamblang menggambarkan segala usahaku mempertahankan dirimu..

Mungkin memang bukan kamu berlian yang aku cari..
Mungkin memang kamu hanyalah emas yang hanya sesaat menyilaukan hatiku dengan sinar sayang sementaramu...

Mungkin memang sudah saatnya aku mengucapkan final goodbye..bukan lagi ucapan goodbye sementara yang selalu dan selalu terlupakan manakala ku mencoba mengingatmu, mengenangmu, merindukanmu...

Tidak ingin ku melupakanmu..
Tidak ingin ku menghapusmu..
Tidak ingin pula ku menghindarimu seperti yang kau lakukan terhadapku..
Saat ini aku hanya ingin..menutup rapat-rapat kisah ku dan kamu...
Mengunci semua memori indah beserta fatamorgana yang sempat ku impikan manakala kubersamamu..
Dan mungkin bila nanti jika aku akhirnya sudah bisa melepas dan merelakan mu untuk orang lain...aku akan kembali membuka kenangan dan mimpi-mimpi yang sempat dulu aku impikan bersamamu...hanya untuk mengingatkan ku betapa beruntungnya kupernah memilikimu dan betapa sakitnya tamparan hati yang kau beri.

Bodoh memang jika dilihat dari sudut pandang orang lain sebagai penonton...
Menangisi orang bahkan tak mengetahui dan menyadari bahwa dialah alasan air mata jatuh membasahi pipi..
Tragis memang mengharap, memohon, dan ingin memaksakan kehendak memiliki orang yang sudah sangat jelas tak ingin kembali bersama lagi...
Dan sampai detik ini hanya rasa takut yang selalu muncul..
Ketakutan akan luluhnya hatimu disaat aku sudah menyerah berhenti mengharap dan melangkah pergi dari hidupmu..

Pernah ku menulis tentang dirimu..niatku ingin melupakanmu tak lama setelah kau memutuskanku...
Tapi seperti yang aku jelaskan tadi..tulisan itu bukanlah final goodbye..

Mungkin sekarang saatnya aku mengucap final goodbye, menghapus nomermu, menahan niatku untuk membuka instagram dan line chatmu ( yang selalu buat hatiku cemburu marah manakala kulihat kau ngobrol dengan lelaki lain )

Untuk kamu,
Sejak kau memutuskan untuk pergi, aku secara rutin membuka akun social mu dan melihat aktivitas social networking mu didunia maya...instagram dan line serta path mu yang kuselidiki dengan path palsu buatanku. Ada banyak hal yang memang sudah sangat jelas menyuruhku untuk melupakanmu, melangkah pergi dari hidupmu...mulai dari chat mu dengan brondong jakarta yang bekerja sebagai penjual perhiasan, brondong jakarta yang bekerja di jasa penerbangan, brondong solo yang tak henti-hentinya meminta berkunjung kerumahmu disalatiga yang juga dengan tidak sopannya meminta gambar tidak senonoh ( melihatnya aku hanya berucap..kamu tipe orang yang tidak suka hal seperti itu ) dan terbukti dengan jawaban "Hahaha" mu. Tidak hanya itu, updatean path dan instagrammu yang secara tersirat menggambarkan kehadiran sosok lain yang kau damba bahkan pada saat kita masih berpacaran hingga kita putus, seseorang yang memberikan mu plasmacluster dimobil barumu yang secara nyata pernah kuraba dengan tanganku sewaktu aku mengunjungimu..yang kemudian kau upload dengan tulisan "Thanks Beib" serta foto boneka monkey yang sempat aku tanyakan dari sapa manakala aku berkunjung ke sana disertai dengan bb dakota putihmu yang aku lihat pertama kali manakala kau memberikan surprise datang mendadak di Ibis Hotel..yang lagi dan lagi kau upload dengan tulisan "Monkey + bb from you"

Sakit..sakit terasa hati ini..teringat kue perayaan hubungan kita yang aku beli....sesaat sebelum aku berangkat ke kuningan menemuimu. Mungkin hadiahku hanyalah sebatas kue murah biasa berbentuk hati dengan ukiran panggilan kesayangan ku padamu..A79..akan tetapi sungguh dengan tulus aku membelikan mu kue itu sebagai tanda niat ku yang sangat ingin menjalin hubungan serius dengan dirimu..

Masih ku ingat komentarmu tentang kue itu

"kuenya belum mateng ini..belum ngembang..."

Dan hanya ucapan "ya maklum atuh namanya juga buru-buru pesennya"

Tetapi tak bisa kusembunyikan senyum senangku melihatmu memotong kue itu dan melahapnya di hening malam komplek ( Xxx) tempat tinggalmu..

Masih ku ingat ucap dan senyummu manakala kubangunkan dirimu tengah malam sesaat sebelum jam jam menunjukkan 00:00 menandakan perayaan hari jadi kebersamaan kita

"ini sih bukan surprise namanya, orang udah ketahuan kamu datang bawa kue" sembari kau titip lilin itu..

Andai kau tahu malam itu Oktober tanggal 7..minggu pagi..disaat kau meniup lilin di kue hati berukirkan panggilan kesayanganku untukmu....aku memejamkan mata..berdoa didalam hati agar bisa bersamamu lebih lama lagi...

Tak kusangka...
Pada sore harinya..manakala kau berniat membuatkan ku mie instant sebelum kepulanganku kebandung..manakala kucium tangan dan kuucap salam..manakala kulihat dirimu melalui jendela kaca travel menutup pintu rumahmu...adalah saat terakhir aku melihatmu..

Pedih..
Sesaat sebelum kepulanganku, masih kusempatkan memijat badanmu, bercanda menggelitiki badanmu, memelukmu.

Sedih,
Manakala ditengah perjalanan pulang ke Bandung ku tanyakan dirimu sudah makan malam apa belum..kau jawab...

"belum..gak ada yang nemenin"

Jam tangan serta dalaman boxer bermotif america milikku yang tertinggal dirumahmu pun menjadi penyesalanku..
Seandainya waktu itu aku meminta supir travel berhenti sejenak menunggumu membawakan barangku yang tertinggal tentu aksi mu menutup pintu bukanlah kali terakhir ku melihat paras mu.

Sekarang Cinta yang kubangun bersamamu dulu tak ubahnya sebuah mawar yang layu dimakan waktu

*backsound-final goodbye*

And if we'll meet again someday i'll just take a bow right in ur face...

I'll take a bow for ur strong bad attitudes who ignored me for such long time and keep going with it no matter how much i texted and called you like thousand times since you told me goodbye. you are such an expert of hiding and pretending that you didn't care to someone who used to be ur love.

Happy Failed for You A79
Selamat Tanggal 7
Bye-Bye
Im really wishing for if we can be meet p again someday...somewhere..

Surat Untuk Kamu

2013-02-06T20:31:00.001+08:00

Bulukumba....

Backsound :*You dont miss ur water-Craig David

Masih saya ingat..
Kau kemudikan mobil putih mu dari hotel tempat kita jadian...
Masih saya ingat...
Pintamu untuk mencari kepingan CD Craig David diantara koleksi CD mamamu dan kamu.....

Dan..Seketika saya masukkan dan putarkan CD ke CD player mobilmu..
Seketika itu pula kau bernyanyi...
Masih terasa...
Getir senang hati mendengar suaramu bernyanyi untuk pertama kalinya...
Masih terasa...
Tawa bahagia yang keluar dari hatiku...
Mendengarmu...Melihatmu...
Tak henti-hentinya ku ucap syukur pada Tuhan telah mengirimmu untukku...
Sebersit senyum pun muncul tak terhitung...
Seiring perjalanan kita mencari makan..
Ditengah macetnya kota Bandung

Sore itu..
Lagi...kau buatku makin jatuh dan makin cinta karena suaramu merdumu..

Masih saya ingat...
Sesaat sebelum ke parkiran...
Di lift kau bertanya...
"Baju aku keketatan gak? Putingnya keliatan"
Aku pun menjawab
"Wajar atuhlah namanya juga kaos oblong putih gitu...pasti kliatan"
Tak bisa kutahan tawaku melihat tingkahmu...

Masih saya ingat...
Ketika kita berkeliling mengitari Paskal Hyper Square...
Mencari makanan apa yang bisa memuaskan cacing dalam perutmu..yang sedari tadi sore tak berhenti membuat mu ngomel-ngomel bertanya mau makan dimana...tapi tetap saja...nyanyianmu sore itu mampu mematikan ocehan laparmu ditelingaku...

Ku ajak kau berkeliling Bandung...
Mulai dari padatnya Jalan Raya Dago...berlanjut kedaerah jajanan murah Dipati Ukur...hingga kawasan cafe-cafe elit di daerah Riau..semuanya sore itu...menjadi saksi...

Saksi betapa senangnya hatiku sore itu memiliki mu sebagai pujaan hati..
Saksi akan senyum dan tawa yang senantiasa muncul dikala suaramu mulai mengudara ditelingaku...
Saksi diskusi kita memilih tempat makan yang mampu membayar rasa laparmu...
Saksi akan bisik hatiku...yang ingin terus bersamamu..menjadi kekasih hatimu....

Masih saya ingat...
Komentarmu tentang Paskal Hyper Square...
"Banyak Cina!"
Hanya senyum yang bisa aku berikan sebagai jawaban...
Aku baru sadar..aku belum memberitahu kamu..bahwa tipe kekasihku sebenarnya adalah seorang Chinesse...
Tapi kamu...
Kamu yang...
Tidak ada tampang cinanya sama sekali...
Tidak ada sipit-sipitnya...
Tidak terlalu putih...
Tidak terlalu atletis...

Tapi Kamu...

Kamu yang asli Bogor...
Kamu yang hobby mengoleksi parfum..
Kamu yang menjauhi makanan kolesterol..
Kamu yang tak hobby dengan keramaian...
Kamu yang hobby fotografi karena mantanmu...
Kamu yang rela terbang dari Medan ke Bandung untukku jumat itu...
Kamu yang selalu menggunakan koper berwarna biru ketika berpergian...
Kamu yang selalu wangi...
Kamu yang bertanya pendapatku tentang keinginanmu mengganti mobilmu...
Kamu yang tak henti-hentinya bertanya dimana lokasi penjual Gehu...
Kamu yang selalu aku pijat dari ujung kepala hingga kaki...
Kamu yang membuatku menangis tengah malam di depan hotel kelas Diamond Bandung...
Kamu dan suara merdumu...

Kamu..yah kamu yang hanya butuh waktu 2 minggu untuk membuatku yakin..."you're the one for me"

Masih saya ingat..
Kau memesan makanan khas sunda...
Aku memesan makanan khas makassar...
Masih saya ingat pertanyaan mu yang tak henti kau tanyakan hingga kita kembali terlentang dikasur hotel...
"kenapa bayar sendiri? Maksudnya apa?"
"gak apa-apa.."
Cuman itu yang bisa aku jawab..

Aku hanya tak ingin membuatku dipandang matre olehmu..
Aku tak ingin dipandang sebagai seseorang yang ingin jadi pacarmu karena karir dan hartanu...
Aku hanya ingin dipandang sebagai pacarmu..yang tulus mencintaimu apa adanya kamu...

Unexpected Gift

2013-01-30T10:51:00.001+08:00

Bulukumba....

Kubuka mataku perlahan pagi ini...
Suara gaduh ponakan..teriakan bangun dari mama pun sukses menarikku kembali dari mimpi indahku....

Dengan segera aku pun bangun, menggerak-gerakkan badan seadanya, dan segera mencuci mukaku....

Kuraih gadget yang ku charge sedari malam, dan kulakukan aktivitas harianku...

Mengirimu pesan singkat...
Mengirimu ucapan selamat pagi...
Mengirimu ucapan "goodluck for today"...
Mengirimu ucapan hati yang sedari dulu terus menerus ada....

"I miss you.."

Kuletakkan gadgetku..dan dengan segera bergabung dengan keluargu ku mensyukuri berkah Tuhan hari ini...

Mendadak hati ini kaget...
Kaget akan munculnya namamu...

"A79...missed call"

Alhamdulillah ya Allah...
After two months i didn't see that number came up on my screen...Today...i see it again...

Dengan segera aku pun menelfon mu kembali...namun ternyata...tetap kau reject telfonku...

Bingung..cemas...senang...semua bercampur jadi satu...

Bingung...apakah missed call dihandphoneku adalah suatu ketidaksengajaan? Mungkinkah kau tak sengaja memencet nmerku manakala membaca smsku?

Cemas...apakah mungkin...aku ditelfon oleh gebetanmu...atau mungkin pacarmu...yang kebetulan membaca sms rutin dariku?

Senang...karena aku tahu..kau membaca sms yang tiap hari ku kirimikan...dan setelah penantian hampir 3 bulan...kulihat lgi namamu dilayar hapeku hari ini...

Thanks God for this unexpected moments...never thought that i'll get it after long time of waiting...

Dear You,

I will always love you..
I will always wait you..
I will always want you..
Please...come back to me.

And Thank U for ur call today...feels gifted today...

My SuperMom

2013-01-29T17:56:00.001+08:00

Bulukumba

Kudengar perlahan langkah kaki memasuki rumah..langkah kaki yang disertai suara halus tapi lantang dari mulut mama..bergegas ku menyambut dan berkata

"mama..lapar.." ucapku, sembari memasang muka lemas mengiba.

Mama pun dengan gesit menuju dapur kecil kami menggoreng kembali ikan yang sebenarnya telah digoreng sore tadi. Aku memang orang yang senang dengan masakan yang masih hangat / panas. Tak ketinggalan mama juga ikut memanaskan cobek pete kesukaanku..seketika itu pula ayah ku bersin-bersin dikarenakan aroma lada menusuk hidung terbang bebas mengarungi seluruh rumah..mengganggu memang..tapi tetap saja mengundang selera. Dengan segera setelah semua hidangan telah di panaskan kembali oleh mu..aku pun mulai makan dengan lahapnya..sekilas aku melirik dirimu yang hanya duduk diam depanku berpangku tangan..entah apa yang ada dipikirannya..mungkin merasa kasihan dengan anak rantaunya yang baru pulang atau mungkin merasa senang karena anaknya makan dengan lahap.

Sembari tetap memasukkan makanan ke dalam mulut, akupun mulai membuka pembicaraan..

"tadi kakak cerita soal buah sukun yang ia ambil, katanya mama marah terus nyuruh kak mega kerumahnya buat nanyain, dia sedih kenapa katanya harus didatangi langsung? Kenapa gak telfon aja? Katanya gak enak kalau suaminya tau.." ucapku.

"yah mama kan cuman bertanya, soalnya tadi seinget mama beli 4 buah dipasar kok tiba-tiba tinggal 2, emang salah yah kalau bertanya? Lagian kakak kamu kebiasaan ngambil barang-barang tanpa izin sih!" Ucap mama

"iya tau, mama kayak gak kenal kakak aja, aku tadi juga ngomong kok ke dia..kalau mau ngambil barang yah mbok di tanya dulu..minta izin dulu..jangan asal ambil.." Ucapku menimpali

"gak tau tuh kakak-kakak kamu, cincin mama aja sampai sekarang gak tau dikemanain..kalau ditanya malah bales ngambek ke mama.." Ucap mama sembari mondar-mandir antara dapur dan ruang tamu.

"yaudah lah, mama kayak gak kenal anak sendiri, 23 tahun mama besarin dia.."

"kalau mama nanti punya uang lagi dan bisa beli emas..mama gak mau ngasi pinjem dia lagi.."

Seketika kuhentikan gerakan kinetis mulut ku dan menatap mama sembari berkata..

"jangan kan emas..berlian pun akan aku belikan buat mama nanti..."

Mama hanya terdiam..melihatku kembali tertunduk makan dengan lahapnya..tak menyadari mataku mendadak panas dipenuhi air mata tak tersampaikan..malam itu pun aku bertekad harus membahagiakan mama kelak..menciptakan senyuman abadi diwajah perempuan tua tangguh yang amat kucintai.

Love u mam...

Miss you

2013-01-25T20:33:00.001+08:00

Bulukumba..

Dada ini mendadak penuh sesak..yang mana pada saat bersamaan serasa ditusuk-tusuk menghadirkan rasa pedih pada akhirnya jatuh keluar melalui bulir air mata...air mata kerinduan akan sosok yang mampir hanya sebentar di hariku tapi bertahan hingga sekarang dihati meski raga nya telah hilang pergi bersembunyi meninggalkan rindu yang tak bisa ku sudahi. I miss you A79...

Smack from the Orphanage!

2012-11-28T03:08:00.001+08:00

Today i went to an orphanage due to my video assignment. it was located not too far from my campus, and the name of it is Panti Asuhan Amanah.

Guess what? These orphanage specially made only for boy, and it's kinda unusual thing for me cause since the first time
i put on my feet to the building there are only boys playing around and when i asked to the caretaker of it, she told me me that these orphanage exclusively made for boys, but i forget to ask the reasons why it could be.

Then i did explained the reason why i came up there with some of friends bringing out our cameras, then the caretaker agreed and allowed us to make the orphanage that she's been taking care of being our object for the assigments.

So there we are started took some videos that contain children's activities such as cooking, praying, studying, or just playing around. Then after took all videos that recording their habits, next we just need an extra videos to make ours more special, we called one of the children for interview then we recording it, and he tell us about his life, where's he came from, and what brought his life to the orphanage, how long his been there, what's his idea, and what's his hopes dor the orphanage.

And suddenly it came up within my self..blessed feelings..somehow when i listened to him while he explaining his life..i just can not imagine if my life goes like his. Seems so difficult if i comparing it with all things that i've been through in life..all cosiness that i've got..all things that certainly the children in the orphanage can't get. Thing that makes me sympathy when he told us his dream. He wants to be a IT engineering. His condition did not stopped him to dreaming, he went to school to make his dream comes true, and he's really thankfull to the orphanage to make his dream looks possible.

I just can not imagine how hard life they've been through..seems their life was so simple..all they want in their life is education, during our interview he used to ask me some question about college and he told me that it's must be fun to having education like i had. Seems he's really wants to be an educated person. Guilty feelings came up through my chest if i look at him, sometimes i just bored with the college with all messy stuff. And when it's happened i forget that somewhere out there, certainly there are some people that wishing for place that i've got..hoping for education that i've got..dreaming for life with ease just like mine.

Ironic indeed...tonight i just can not believe that i lived in country that most of the civilization lived under the poverty line..all we need to changing it is awareness..aware that we does not live alone in this world..aware that if we want to change something big we have to start from the little one.

Thanks God for all i had till right now..great Dad, awesome Mom, and cool Family. Wish these ease of life still continue till ever after...these messy assignments previously annoyed me so much..but little bit conversation in the orphanage finally punch my self and makes me realize....
MY LIFE HAS BEEN BLESSED ENOUGH..
and i do not even have reason to cry cause God makes no mistake in my life..(so losing or letting go someone from my life should not kill me ) LMFAO!!

Story of A79♡

2012-11-13T05:32:00.001+08:00

*backsound : wide awake-@katyperry*

I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was in the dark
I was falling hard
With an open heart
I'm wide awake
How did I read the stars so wrong

I'm wide awake
And now it's clear to me
That everything you see
Ain't always what it seems
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was dreaming for so long

Crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight

And it's too late
The story's over now, the end

I am trying to hold on
God knows that I tried
Seeing the bright side
I'm not blind anymore

Damn...those words seems really can represent my feelings right now. Some part of those lyrics seems very suitable with feelings that i had tonight. Woke up in the middle of the night..with no one..in my small rooms suddenly makes me thinking of someone..someone that i used to know right now.

Let's call this someone as A79. I used to call this someone with it. It represent the initial of this someone names "A..." and 79 means 7th September...the day we commited to being a couple. Might be i did not tell too much stories about this A79 on my blog ..yeah you know couple months ago kinda busy with all college stuff and might be i am little bit drunk of love. LOL

But now all i can say...my relationship was over..it only can lasted for 1 month 29 Days 17 Hours and 22 minutes. *seems counting the days of my relationship is not a weird thing anymore* LOL

31 August 2011 was the first day i met this A79, Asthon Tropicana Cihampelas and all things in it seems be the sightless witnesses of our first date. And in that time..we really had a good romance that builded through our long conversation..talked about love especially about EX and talked too much about person or somebody that we've been wishing or desiring for in our life. And i can't deny that this creature looks really fit with all stuff that i've been dreaming for to be my love. And thanks God for sent the cupid who makes me feel that i am desireable enough for A79. Then we moved to next step..tried to get know each other through phone..yeah this A79 did stayed in different town with me..we are separated like thousand miles. *just like a song right ? haha*

Next after separated for two weeks and got connected through phone only finally we've met again on 7 September..and here's the started point of our stories. We met in Panghegar hotel and bla bla bla bla...we've commited and officialy being couple. Thanks God after long time of waiting finally i got someone and be loved. Due to our location that separated so far away we have to having long distance relationship..( honestly seems it won't work good enough for me ). But again cause of drunk of love and this A79 sems perfectly fit to be the realization of my dreams so i tried to makes my self enjoy with these long distance relationship. And it works at the first time..we've enjoyed it and we've met again in Ibis Hotel and there's little bit drama that occured during that time..( kinda irritate but too sweet to be forgotten )

Then we had our first monthversary ( sounds awkward right cause we used to heard anniversary rather than monthversary ) LOL. I went to A79's Place...Kuningan, Cirebon..phew seems like pretty sweet sacrifices hugh ? i have to sit for 5 hours and holding our cake..how sweet i am right ? HAHA cake was the only thing i can gave to A79 in that time *i am a college student..optimistic but keeps realistic* so rather than dreaming buy something that gonna makes my wallet crying i decided to bought cake as a gift ..and moreover cake that i've bought looks sweet enough for the first month of our relationship.

Here i am with the cake

Making wishes...then sliced it

Here it is our cake

And it was cereal as my breakfast made by A79..

And this is my farewell message...it happened during my way back to Bandung. So Sad.

Too much spying can kills you. Trust me !

Yeah as a teenager spying someone that u're falling in love seems something usual right now..moreover nowdays you can do it through many ways and one of it is through status update on social network. Yeah i figured out too much things that broke my heart, but i chosed to kept it up for my self cause i dont wanna get caught in fighting or arguing which might be leads me to lose A79. So i've tried my best to be a good lover, tried to follows what A79 wanted though sometimes i can not holding it, and when it comes i will try to get silent and dissapeared then come back again when my feelings got better.

And Then 6th September 17:22

"i don't feel comfortable anymore with you, lets break up"

Appeared on my phone screen and suddenly broke my heart into pieces. How cruel A79 is..after all things we've been through together, after all sacrifices that i've done to show how big love that i had, after all patience that i've kept for my self...oh you've left me so speechless. In that time i can not hold my tears, it falls down like a river and i cried like a man who left dead by his wife, feels like i wanna scream out of loud in front of A79! Goddamn it just like angel of death took my soul flew away. The worst thing is i haven't meet again after last time we met...a month ! can you imagine ? how hurt it is missing someone so much then in the same time you got dumped, kicked out, forgotten, or worst u're invisible for that person. Moreover the day after A79 said those unwanted words for me is 7th September, thought i am gonna spend time just like what we did on first month of our relationship. My relationship ended with relationshit.

Memories are one of reason that why i am not ready and won't accept that if my love story with A79 have to get over and done. Feels like was yesterday when i saw A79's face when told me that we were in relationship, feels like was yesterday we celebrated our first month, feels like was yesterday we sang song together with happy smiles in our face, feels like was yesterday i heard A79 sang a song that made me fall more and more....i've tried my best to letting you go as you want..but my heart just can not doing it, my tears certainly knows how deep my heart had been falling for you..

Oh A79...you have no idea how much that i am missing you right now..you just do not know how much tears had been falling for you...you just dont know how hard it is pretend everything was okay when heartache undermine my soul..tonight i just can not hold my tears when i tried to remember everysingle moment that we had.

I am so over missing you....

*to be continued

SKM WORKSHOP!!

2012-11-03T16:44:00.001+08:00

Thanks God my saturday wasn't so BAD
and big thanks to Annessia Cassandra ( ARDAN ANNOUNCER )

Xoxo she went to our campus and makes some kind of workshop how to be a good announcer! And she's just extraordinary!!! She really knows how to be a good speaker and seems like im gonna be the next fan of her! She has powerfull and cheerfull voice!

I WANNA BE THE NEXT HER !
*in male version of course*

LOL!!!!

But just because i adore her and want to be the next of her does not mean that i have to imitate her..and that was the first thing that she told us! BE REAL DONT BE FAKE! Eventhough u're adoring someone and wanna be like him/her u should keep be you..the real you..dont u ever lose ur self!!

And i got another interesting thing today!! HAHAHA
Seems i've already found my way to makes my dream comes true !

DJ ARIE BROADCASTING SCHOOL..i am coming!!

Gonna tell my mom soon wish she want allow me to join in DJ ARIE BROADCASTING SCHOOL *amien*

HAPPY FREEDAY

2012-11-02T15:11:00.001+08:00

woke up with happy feelings today..the exams was over!!!!!!!

But unfortunatelly there is no holiday!! Gotta go back to class on monday! Hahaha but the worst thing is im running out of money! So my freeday means nothing cause i can not go outside for chillin out!

But rather than got trapped on sadness cause being poor for a while ( LOL) today i decided to cleaning up my room! Hahahaha yeah at least it can help me to spend the time. Xoxo remember guys try to active no matter how bad situation that turn you to be passive!!

Happy freeday guys! TGIF!!! Wish i can be te katy beth perry having rebecca black as neighboor then ask me for party today tonight! LOL! *i mean it*

*here it is..my simple palace xoxo

Happy birthday @LeonyAmeliaa

2012-08-04T22:17:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday my bogorian angel
Now u're officially 19th years old
U're not a girl anymore but not yet a woman

U're my bestfriend ever
U're the one that keeps me down when i had lot of problems
U're the one that always be there for me no matter what happens
U're the one that always dare to give me ur hand when i need help and u never said no whenever i asked for help
U're the one who always companied me wherever i go no matter what im going through
U're the one that keeps me healthy fed me when im hungry while i am running out of money
U're my bestfriend ever..the one that i can trust..one and only.
U're my sister..

And i wish
In this birthday u can be more better person, can face every single problem that u had no matter how hard it is, wish ur problems gonna get better along the time..believe me dear god create problem one package with the solutin so never stop believing!

Wish u can be more strong ! Forget ur past keep moving on for something real. Dont let ur self being controlled..u're the one that should take control! I believe u're strong enough to face all ur problems!

And i wish u can find someone that can give an equal love..someone that deserve for ur sincere heart and love..someone that deserve for ur sincere loyality..someone that appreciate every single effort that u've spent to keep him beside u..and please dont u waiting for someone that doesnt appreciate ur efforts..and im sorry to introduced to someone that u used to know..just let him go and learn from it and be strong..karma does exist baby.

god will give u best thing that u deserve so dont waste ur time for something/someone unimportant! Focus to ur dreams make ur dad happy!!

And last words

Wish u can always be my sister no matter what we will going through..ee after u will be always my sister, and if u need help dont u ever feeling shy to ask me for it. And u dont need to hear people opinion about u baby..cause they dont know u well like i did.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BOGORIAN ANGEl !

Leony Nur Amelia
5th August

Vote @anindanatasya for HILO GREEN AMBASSADOR

2012-07-13T19:47:00.001+08:00

Please vote my friend @anindanatasya to be the winner of HILO GREEN AMBASSADOR ! Here's the link! Graciasss http://t.co/Ws20JNHS

Hello

2012-07-03T16:06:00.001+08:00

Alloha blogger!
Finally i got home! I've already came back to my home and now i've been stayed here for one week

Kinda bored actually because the situation was totally different with bandung! Here i cant hanging around to any crowded place etc..so fucked up here!

But there'sn only one thing that can amused me here..it's my nephew xoxo she's already one year and can moving her feet around the house..she used to walk uncontrolled and makes me shiuld taking care of her.

Xoxo see u later fellas! Gonna update my blog everyday i guess yippie! due to my device that makes me able to updating it anytime!

Happy Birthday @DannyUdhien !!!!!

2012-04-27T23:00:00.000+08:00

time is ticking

less than one hour goes to 28th April.

and it means the day is coming.

the birthdate from my lovely bitch danny udhien.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANNY UDHIEN

19th Years Old.

BONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wish nothing but the best for you my friend, wish you could find your happiness through someone that really care and love you for who you are not for what you have...

suddenly remember the first day we met. we met in front of IT Telkom, we were both are new in this town...such a long time. it's been almost a year we've lived here without parents.

there are so many thing we've done together, shared everything we had together...

sometimes we got mad each other,

sometimes we got caught in battle, 

sometimes we laugh together, 

cried together...t

shared noodle together when we're running out of money...

hat's all because we've made strong pact between us.

wish we could keep this friendship till ever after no matter what..and i hope in your 19th birthday you can be a better person without any flaws and you do not have to worry what people say about you, because i knew you so well dear.

and if i ever made mistakes to you..i am sorry i didn't mean to, you were my first friend here...my best friend, the only one who totally supported me no matter how crazy i am, no matter how painfull my sorrow..you are always be there for me. thank you danny wish you always best.

and plese remember to make your parents proud of you...especially your daddy..and your mom too, so please concentrate to your college..don't let tears come down from your parents eyes, make them proud of you....not only them..but all of us...people that love you and take you as you are no matter what you wanted to be and done.

so my bitch...once again i want to say happy 19th birthday for you.

and i am gonna be the first one saying this thing to you LOL!! remember last year when my birhtday...you were the first one said happy birthday to me. so now..i am gonna repay and be the first one saying happy birthday for you.

LOVE YOU DANNY UDHIEN MY BEST BIATCH EVER FROM BONE!!

DANNY UDHIEN!

19 TAHUN!

BONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

*standingapplause*

TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanging Out

2012-04-18T19:47:00.001+08:00

it's raining outside..

i've planned to hanging out with my friends tonight..

but rain ruins our plan.

talking about friends..here i am in bandung already have so many friends, and some of them definetly has different character each other. i dont know what im going to write today, but i think i just want to post some pictures of mine when i am having a lot of fun with my best friend. check it out !!

yup there we go, in that time we having lot of fun in one famous bar in bandung, yeah this totally figured out that this city has been changing this good boy gone bad. LOL

totally love my outfit lastnight, using short pants and wearing jackets simply but quite fashionable right, hehe

TADA!!!!!!!!!

MY RED PALACE

2012-04-15T10:44:00.000+08:00

MORNING !!!

HELLO FELLAS...

how's ur day ?

hehe since last night i decided to updating my blog almost everyday to share things that i'd through. last night i've updated about my best @LeonyAmeliaa, then i am gonna continue about gerry's later. today im just gonna share about my room.

room that keep safe.

room that keep amusing me when my mood goes down.

room that made me feels like im in my own home.

room that keep me free to do everything i'd like to do without worry what people say about.

room that i used to messed up with and sometimes doing little naughty things.

room that officially has been became my palace

yes..everybody has their own definition about their own house/room. it's almost year i've been living here. actually my room has sticked strongly within my self. in my room i've done so many things that i will never forget. but unfortunately just like as human, my room has some weaknesses that turned my mind to moving on the other place. yeah you know my place isn't a good place, there are so many problems, such as the dirty water, unpredictable noise from the other room mates, and so on.

actually kinda regret because i have to moving on next month the other place, i've done so many changes into my room. at the first time i came, my room just like the other ordinary room, white painted, ordinary, yeah you know room for college students that living far away from parents.

that's my room. i wish i could giving my magic touch the next room that i'd like to moved in. thanks guys for reading my post. enjoy. and if you wanna give some words, never doubt to put ur words on my blog

BEST FRIEND #1 @LeonyAmeliaa

2012-04-14T20:18:00.000+08:00

days changed

people changed

situation changed

everything has changed..

hello 2012 !!!!

such a long time since the last time i've posted my thoughts here. missed ya so much my blog. there are so many things that i'd like share about. whether about my college, my friends, my love..hehe like i used to. accidentaly i remembered the first reason why i made this blog...yup because of MRE. still remember those creature ? LOL fcking hell no. yeap i got stick with time then made me forget about those fcking creature. but i cant deny as matter of fact is till today im still wondering where is MRE.

oh yeah..now almost a year i've been living here in bandung. ive got so many experiences that might be could fullfill a thousand pages. actually i am kinda excited to share about my friendship in here. you know i've got a lot friends here. but there's only two person that totally stick with my heart. the first one is my pretty angel Leony Nur Amelia, and the second one is Gerry Anugrah K. they were best friend i've ever met in here. no body likes them which is totally take care about me. especially Ale..yeah i used to called leony as Ale. Ale is the single person that totally knew me from outside to inside. she knows every single thing that i had on my mind. i cant lie to her. i can hide something to her, either gerry, for both of them i can't lie. they could know what im feeling, what im thinking about, or if there's something happens then disturbing my day.

they both were the only person that used to asked me if i've changed my personal message on bbm into sorrow emoticon. if i had problems whether about money or love..they both always be there for me. and thank god for sent them. i've never imagine if i could get friends such them in here. i've lived here alone..in whole java..i don't have any family here in java. they were totally understand what i've felt.

Let's talk about leony first..

Leony nur amelia ( @LeonyAmeliaa ) ..such a weird name for me when i first time met with her. in past, we as the communication students being has some kinda group on blackbrry messeger, and we used to talk to each other. there are some people that i got to knew from it. and i am totally remembered that i've seen her name on member list. at that time i thought she was a chinesse, you know Leony..it reminds me to one of indonesian actress that i used to adore. but i dont know why suddenly she got dissapeared from group or leaved the group. in that i didn't noticed or even care about it. then when i am entering the real college life, i've met up with some friends that i used to talked only at messenger..then i met her. totally remembered she sat in front of me with Agys, and in that time i've got socialize with her friends..tatiana. then i talked too much with tatiana, and Ale kinda busy with Agys. then we've divided into class..then i've decided to made friendship with here. then over the time i had special feelings with her..special friendship relationship...we used to shared every single thing we had, sharing each other. then because i do totally love her as my sister...i'd like to make her special for me...LOL i've introduced him to my friend...one of my friend from makassar that took college here together with me...Nadhil. yeap he was the lucky guy that i've introduced to my best friend ever. I wish they could having long last relationship then i wish Ale could using Baju Bodo as the one of tradition in my place when someone getting merried. LOL!!!!

THANKS GOD !!!

DEAR ALE...

YOU ARE THE BEST FRIEND EVER I HAD.

i used to caused trouble for you, makes you feels bad because i used to lend your money..hehe yeah you know i am the single one that cant controling and managing my money so sometimes i've got screwed up with it.

DEAR ALE...

if i ever made mistakes to you i am so sorry..i don't mean to makes you in trouble. thanks for everything, wish we never have problems each other, wish we could keep our friendship till our last breath. and like i've mentioned before to you...im totally wished that you could having long lasting relationship with nadil, wish you could be part of celebes family..or even if you're not with him i am still gonna bring you fly away through the sky to meet you up with my parents and tell them you were the single person that always taking care of me here. and i just want to say you don't have to thinking about any other opinion caused you were born this way god make no mistake on you..you're the best friend i've ever had and i always be there for you no matter what happens to you no matter what people said about you..i am always gonna supporting you take you as who you are, be friend for what you are.

and for you guys that wondering who is she...here it is my bogorian angel ! LOL she came from Bogor, i used to stayed at her place that i called as Kost Bidadari, thank you my bogorian angel :*

she is pretty, isnt she ? YES IT IS !!! LOL she is my bogorian angel :p

that's why i said nadhil such a lucky guy that could own her heart, and it's gonna be pitifull if he lose her, so nadhil watch out...your girlfriend is angel from outside to inside so keep ur eyes on here, don't let the other guy take her away from you.

2011-12-03T12:07:00.001+08:00

WELCOME DECEMBER !

stressed out.
pissed off.
messed up.

that's what i feel right now. stressed because of i have so many tasks and i don't even know how to answer. pissed off because of tired of waiting someone. messsed up because i can't manage my money

those 3 things totally made a great combination ruins my day. first let's talk about tasks.

gah now in college i've been studying about mandarin languange, okay it was my idea to be a multi languange person, but since learned mandarin....my idea suddenly changed into WTF being multilanguange person isn't as easy as i thought. so stressed out with the rules of mandarin such as punctuation mark, how to read the hanzi and so on. then bahasa indonesia...yeaaah i am indonesian, it's easy to learn indonesian languange, so because of that reason my lecture gave me so much tasks, and the new one is if i would like to see A at the end of semester as my result, i have to write an article and being published in mass media. Next subject that makes me think being college student have to ready get bald is economy, ugh yeah i've never learned about since 2 years before. so stressed out. And the last one is engllish. GAH it was the terrible one, totally confused with it. Now all of these shits makes me doubt should i keep my idea as a multilanguange person or not.

let's talk about someone who has made me waiting for long time. yeah since i've been breaking up with last one, i've found the new one who has better personality, but unfortunatelly this creature already have a boyfriend. PHEW! such a crap right?

so what things makes me waiting ? YES IT IS ! this creature also has same feelings with me, and told me if have enough patience might be we could be together someday. ugh yeah that was totally strengten me up, because i've been looking for someone like her that has loyalty, her boyfriend has been hurting her over and over again and again, and this creature tired enough and decided to looking another one and then found me. then yess i've waiting.

we've met on 13th November, talked a lot.

but then after our first date, this creature keeps saying that has same feelings towards me, but in fact always updating status on blackberry personal message that offending her boyfriend that definetly made me jealous, it's totally irritating me.

And when i'm started to talking about our status again, because i don't want to waiting for rest of my life ( LOL ) this creature always could make me patience by saying has same feelings and just need time. yuckz that was my flaw, if i already have special feelings to someone, i would do anything she asked to me as long as i could be with her.

*backsound : Soulvibe-Biarlah*

Next problem is about MONEY! yes i am. i am such a stupid person that always confused when i had no money, keep wondering where the hell my money goes on, because i don't even bought things that could reminds me oh yess i've bought that one so it's normal if lose my money. BADASS.

totally shamed to my parents, they've gave their best to fullfill all my needs, but in fact i'm the one who ruining their efforts. i am sorry mam and dad, promise my self gonna change be better person, gonna train and taught my self to be a frugal person.

yeah those 3 problems was biggest problem completely ruins my day and i have to face. hopes everything is gonna better because it's december. december means my month. yeaaay H-10 goes to my birhtday. YEAAAY!hoping something awesome gonna scandalize my birthday ! LOL!

*yucks..sorry guys, realized that now my post isn't as good as it used it, totally disgusted me, might be caused by my laziness that makes me freak while writing, but promise gonna updating my blogs at least twice a week

*happy weekend guys*

2011-11-16T13:45:00.001+08:00

Huaaaaah missed my blog so much...
Sorry dear i had no time to updating you kinda busy with college phew!!
Yaeah i have no words..
But over all since i've been being college student i had so much stories that totally brought new coloura and paradigm into my life...
Oh yeah btw i'd like to change my blog into fashion blog instead. Bcause i have found so much pretty girl and guys in here that could be my model then they'd love to being published lol!!!

Oh yeah two days ago i got an extradiordinart gift...i became the winner of SEF debate competition that orginized by campuss!!! Yeaah such a worthy efforts cause me and my friend sonia have spent our time for those competition but it ended with fabulusssssssss!!!!

Since i had my own camera that i called reddt cause the colour of it is red i'd love to captured all things that i thought valuable to be remembered!!! I'll posting my picturez later...

Bye blogy..my lecture is coming already...

2011-08-16T01:00:00.001+08:00

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY 3rd Month

LOVE YOU SO MUCH

16-05-2011

make a wish : YOU AND I STAY TOGETHER EVER AFTER

2011-08-15T02:49:00.000+08:00

Orientasi Kegiatan Mahasiswa Baru ?

OKMB adalah Orientasi Kegiatan Mahasiswa Baru yang bertujuan untuk menyambut mahasiswa baru dan mengenalkan lingkungan kampus Institut Manajemen Telkom kepada mahasiswa baru. Bersifat wajib karena akan mendapatkan sertifikat yang fungsinya sebagai :

a. Persyaratan mengikuti sidang tugas akhir (skripsi)

b. Persyaratan untuk Beasiswa

c. Persyaratan untuk masuk organisasi kampus

d. Persyaratan mejadi panitia OKMB selanjutnya

Rangkaian Kegiatan OKMB IM Telkom 2011

1. Sosialisasi OKMB 2011 :

· Hari, tanggal : Minggu, 4 September 2011

· Waktu : 07.00 WIB

· Lokasi : Kampus IM Telkom Gegerkalong

· Pakaian : Sopan dan rapi (kemeja/baju berkerah)

· Membawa uang Rp 30.000, untuk membaya DVD OKMB

2. Kegiatan Perkuliahan sebelum OKMB

· Tanggal : 5,6,7 September 2011

· Wajib mengenakan atribut dengan ketentuan sbb :

- Kemeja Putih lengan panjang

- Celana/rok panjang bahan berwarna biru dongker/hitam

- Ikat pinggang warna hitam

- Kaos kaki hitam di atas mata kaki

- Sepatu kets (warna bebas)

- Baju dimasukkan rapi

- Rambut rapi. Pria : rambut potong 1cm dari kepala; Wanita : Rambut diikat satu (boleh berponi)

3. OKMB

· Tanggal : 8,9,10 September 2011

· Lokasi : Kampus IM Telkom Dayeuh Kolot

· Diharapkan mahasiswa yang berkuliah di kampus Gegerkalong, pada saat OKMB menginap dirumah teman/kerabat yang berada disekitar kampus Dayeuh Kolot, untuk memudahkan mobilitas.

· Untuk jam, akan disampaikan pada saat sosialisasi

Seluruh Mahasiswa baru diwajibkan menghadiri semua acara tersebut serta membawa tugas dan perlengkapan yang diperlukan. Untuk informasi lebih lanjut, mahasiswa dapat mengakses www.okmb2011.tumblr.com atau bem.imtelkom.ac.id mulai tanggal 15 Agustus 2011. Atas partisipasinya kami ucapkan terima kasih

Panitia OKMB IM Telkom 2011

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Daftar Tugas OKMB 2011

1. Membuat Name Tag, dengan ketentuan :

- Terbuat dari karton putih, dengan bentuk background IM Telkom dan berbentuk bulat (diameter 20cm).

- Ditempel foto 2R setengah badan, background merah, menggunakan seragam dan atribut lengkap . Nama diletakkan di tengah dengan kiri kanan ditempel stiker IM Telkom (yang akan dibagikan nantinya).

- Diberi tali rafia berwarna hijau-merah-biru dikepang dengan panjang 50cm

2. Membawa Tas Box Flexi, dengan ketentuan :

- Bahan Kardus (apa saja) tidak boleh bermerek, dengan ukuran tas : P x L x T = 60 X 35 X 25, seluruh permukaan tas ditutupi logo Flexi. Diberi tali tambang berwarna putih.

3. Membawa Topi dari corong nasi bambu, di cat warna biru IM Telkom dan bertuliskan “POWER 2011” dicat warna logo POWER 2011. Diberi tali rafia berwarna putih.

4. Membawa jas hujan.

5. Membawa alat shalat dan sandal jepit (bagi yang muslim).

6. Membawa obat-obatan pribadi.

7. Mengumpulkan sebuah foto seluruh badan ukuran A4 dengan ketentuan :

- Berfoto bersama dengan profesi yang dekat dengan masyarakat, mengenakan baju yang mirip dengan profesi yang akan di foto.

- Sambil memegang kertas berukuran A4, dengan tulisan “Spirit Of Togetherness”

8. Membawa tugas untuk Bakti Sosial berupa : Pakaian bekas, Alat tulis, Buku Pelajaran.

9. Membawa uang sebesar Rp. 30.000,- (Untuk keperluan biaya DVD OKMB)

2011-08-12T14:29:00.002+08:00

just realized it was friday..

last night like i used to late sleep..after all messy things i've done..my eyes can not open any longer so i decided to sleep..so definetly if i had to sleep early so it means i am going to late wake up.

And it was true..today i wake up at 11:07 AM and the most shocking news....today is friday so it means today was the day for all boys..male..guys..anyone who had dick on their body should be follow the obligation praying on mosque.

suddenly with rapid power took bath then using muslim clothes..sarung..then heading to mosque...but unfortunate i found truth that mosque still get trap on hustle...there's only few people in it..dammit..if i knew i am not going took bath rapidly..just like cow in the river..ergh annoyed me so much.

then i had to wait for more than an hour..hmm when mosque started fulfilled with all guys not gays ( LOL ) there is someone took place beside me..then when we're ready for praying..wake up my self to stand..then i got shocked saw someone who beside guy next to me. it was a guy with albino skin! OMG..i thought that he was a ghost..his face was so white..and thin either..so i could see blood covering his body..and he looks like pasty person..just like someone catched by ghost.

sometimes that i wanted to be white..and bought every stuff that based on advertisment said that could makes our skin looks good especially face..and because of my stupidity my face almost got bad damage..pimples growing on every corner of my face so annoying.

Last time i've bought sh*n*ya from my friend..he told me that it could kick out all pimples that i had but in fact it just made my pimples getting worse than before..but one thing that i found...my face getting white..ugh yeah that's what i wanted since long time, and like it used to, just like the nature law..everything should be had two side..and i got the positive impact..my face getting white...but the negative is pimples on my face getting worse. It was the biggest mistake i've ever done...i've never appreciate what God have given to me..i am always want better and better that made me do everything to makes what i wanted comes true and at last i have to brave meet up with the risks that definetly i'll regret. it was different with the pasty guy he didn't feel shame with his condition, still tried to socialize with his neigbour, friends, and etc.

yeah thanks for those pale white guy i've met today on mosque..he makes me figured out that..we should accept our self for who we are...it doesn't matter if you black, ugly, or beauty and so on..the most important thing is you're happy being yourself.

Happy Friday everyone !!! *backsound : Last Friday Night...

2011-08-12T03:48:00.002+08:00

because i got terrible insomnia...hmm actually it wasn't insomnia, but because i had no activity yet..so might be my body won't get rest early like it used to. So how that to kick out boredom ? kill the silence ? ugh yeah this is going to show you how gorgeous i am fix it up :p

and here we are....the last image