Ta La La

One Night Only

2016-01-17T17:23:00.001-08:00

The sky is now covered with dark and thick clouds. I look at my watch and it is already five minutes past three. I am already late. Lench may be waiting for me and I can now imagine his wrinkled forehead and twisted lips when he sees me. I cross the streets as tiny raindrops start to fall. I barely cross busy streets but not showing up to Lench is a great motivation to brave the threatening skies.

I look at some of the stalls and establishments in front of me and I finally see the name of the coffee shop Lench sent in my SMS inbox. I stand in front of the sliding door and fix my clothes. I hold my hanky and smile at the guard on duty as he slides the glass door. The aroma of brewed coffee welcomes me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I see people enjoying their cups of coffee. I let my eyes wander and scan the area. I think sipping a hot latté warms every person’s cold body. Then I see Lench. He is sitting on a leather couch at the far corner of the shop. He is wearing green shirt and brown pants. His eyeglasses are clouded with steamy smoke while he sips his hot coffee. When he sees me, he frowns but immediately smiles as he waves his right hand calling my attention. I give him a smile and nod and I walk towards him.

“Hey!”, he calls.

“Why the sudden call?”, I smirk.

“First, you’re late! Next, it’s because I got intrigued by your Facebook post last night.”, he answers.

“My post? What post?”, I say.

“Don’t you want coffee?”, he asks.

“I do.”, I simply answer.

“Then go to the counter and grab your coffee. Of course, get blueberry cheesecake. A slice will be okay for me.”

I do not answer. I look at him to know if he is kidding but he is serious. I nod, go to the counter and get my hot latté and blueberry cheesecake.

“Who is he?” he starts asking.

“Who? Who is this he?”, I immediately answer.

“Don’t act like you don’t know what I am talking about.”, he answers back,

I see wrinkled forehead. I know that when Lench does that, he is already irritated.

“Okay! Okay! I think I am inloved.” I reveal.

“You? In loved?” You must be kidding me.”, he answers back.

“No! I am dead serious.”, I manage to say while sipping my hot coffee.

“How long have you known this guy?”, he keeps a steady look at my face. “How did you meet?” Where?”

Lench questions are like dart piercing my ears. I do not know how to answer them. Lench words are echoing in my ears. I look at him after another sip, put down my cup and I start telling him my story.

Last night was an instant. It happened so fast. I was actually on my way home when I realized I hadn’t taken my dinner yet. I dropped by the nearest convenience store to grab some food to ingest. The security guard greeted me with a smile. I entered the area with high expectations that I would get a delicious treat for myself.

It was a long and tiring day at the office. It always was. Aside from the unending blabbering of Homer, our superior, the air conditioner was not even useful at all. Our department was like a huge sauna. Heads were hot, patience was nowhere to catch and the temperature was not cooling at all. I wished I could blame our maintenance supervisor but he was nowhere of sight. I heard his wife was giving birth so he took a day off and rushed to the hospital. Homer, on the other hand, wouldn’t stop talking. He was complaining about his messy station. Well, it was his fault anyway. He could have easily purchased an organizer or a file cabinet. His files were piled up on his table. He always screamed when he urgently needed a file but couldn’t find it. I just gave soft sighs. That was life in a call center.

After swiftly moving from aisle to aisle, I finally found what I wanted to devour - a hotdog sandwich. I took a bun and carefully pulled one cheesy hotdog from the steamer then filled my glass with iced tea. I initially wanted instant coffee but I worried that caffeine would snatch sleep from me.

When I was about to go to the counter, I bumped into a man in black coat. I said sorry but he did not respond. I thought he was upset but I did not turn back to repeat my apology. After paying, I sat on the farthest seat from the main door and enjoyed my food. I was half way eating my sandwich when an uncommon voice caught my ears.

“Can I seat here?”, said the main in black coat pointing at the chair in front of me.

“Sure!” I said

“Are you alone?”, he asked.

“Yes.”, I thriftily answered. I looked at him and he was in fact talking to me without looking at me. He was busy using his smartphone while drinking his coffee. The aroma of brewed coffee instantly registered in my system. I suddenly felt the urge to throw away my iced tea and fill a cup with coffee instead.

“Is there dirt on my face?” he suddenly asked. I got caught. I felt my warm blood boiling up in my cheeks.

“Err. Nothing. I just wanna say sorry for bumping into you a while back.”, I softly answered.

“No problem. It was my mistake, honestly. I was not looking at the people around me.”, he answered and again, he was not looking at me.

I took a quick glance at him. God! He is perfect. His red lips, thick brows, deep-set eyes, pointed nose and rosy cheeks. Plus he was wearing eyeglasses.

“Anything?”, he said.

“Uhh, no, no. I am done and I have to go.” Wait, why was I saying these things to him?

“Okay.”, he answered.

I honestly did not want to go home yet. Instead, I bought a pack of cigarette and went in front of the store. I took a seat on one of the bleachers and lit one stick. The cold crisp air was crawling on my legs. God, it’s freezing cold.

“Can I have a light?”

The man in black coat.

“Sure. Here.”

He lit his cigarette and the soft glow of fire from the lighter illuminated his face. I couldn’t help but to stare at his being. He sat beside me and steadied his gaze at his cellphone.

“May I know your name?”, I asked.

“Greg. And you?”

“An…” I did not finish because my cellphone suddenly rang.

“Yes? Mom! I will be home in a minute.” I pressed the end button and put my cellphone back into my pocket.

“Guess I have to go”, I said.

“Where are you heading? I can drop you off. Or do you have a car?”

“No, I can manage. I have to call for a tricycle.”

“No, I insist you have to ride in my car.” He was pointing at his black Altis.

I did not want to go with him. I was afraid he might be someone who would snatch everything from me or even dump me on the highway after thrusting a sharp knife in my neck. But my body wanted to open the car door, get inside and just go home. I followed the latter. I said yes and we both went inside the car.

On our way, he kept talking and asking things about me. I gave short answers. I pretended not to be interested. Until he asked the inevitable question.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No, I don’t.” I answered.

Suddenly, he slowed down his car. He parked in a dark place where the lamp posts were broken. There were chills in my body. I started to panic. I looked around me and I saw no houses. My heart was racing and my mind was clogged.

“What are we doing here? Why did we stop?”, I asked nervously.

“No need to worry.” After saying that, he quickly grabbed my face and kissed me in the mouth. I was stunned. I couldn’t move my body. I barely took a breath. Then he released his hands from my face.

“Why did you do that?”, I screamed.

“Didn’t you like it?”

“Err. I…”

“Don’t lie to me. I saw you looking at me a while back. There was something in your eyes.”

“I..do..”

He unbuttoned his cardigan, got naked and unzipped his pants. Everything was so sudden. He kissed me and this time, it was harder. I opened my mouth and welcomed his tongue. I opened my eyes and even in the darkness, I saw his face. His eyes were closed. I closed mine and my hands were on his neck. He gave soft moans and I was totally turned on. I was not thinking of what might happen after this at all. Then he stopped kissing me. He looked at me and said he wanted me badly. I did not say a word anymore. I pulled his face and torridly kissed his lips. I bit his lips and licked his tongue. I let my tongue explored his face. It was his turn. He stuck his tongue on my neck. I wanted him so badly. I took off my clothes and together we reached paradise.

After that fast-paced and steamy act, I looked at him and asked him to drive me home. After dropping me off, I took the courage to ask for his cellphone digits; instead he answered.

“What for? Hey, that was just for fun. I do it for fun.”

After saying that, he drove off. I was left standing on the sidewalk, touching my neck and lips. I felt empty. The sex was great but my mind said differently. I wanted him more. But how? I did not even know his full name, his address, his cellphone digits or even his car plate number.

After standing for about ten minutes, I mustered my courage to enter our house. I was still in shock. I opened my laptop computer, logged in my Facebook and posted my status – “It was one night only. – feeling empty.”

“Is that it?” Lench asks me.

“Yes.” I answer back.

“God! And you said you’re inloved? To a stranger?”, he is already raising his voice. I calm him down because other people are looking at us.

“Yes. But I do not think this is alright.”, I say.

“Of course it’s not alright! You met him in a store, shagged him then he dumped you. That is definitely not alright!”, he screams.

“Correction. He did not dump me. He dropped me off. And please, no screaming.”, I almost whisper to his ears.

“It’s still the same. The problem with you is that you easily fall for a person; a person you just met! Then you will feel in loved blah blah blah. This is the same old story. How many times do I have to wait for you in a coffee shop and listen to your stories?”, he yells.

“I’m sorry I had to disturb you for this. Can I go to the toilet?”, I say.

“Yeah. Be very quick, I have other things to attend to.”, he answers.

I grab my bag, fix my shirt then go to the toilet. Lench is right. I am the same. I tell the same stories. I tell the same dilemmas. I am boring. I assume everything.

Lench is already at the doorstep talking with the guard when I come out from the toilet. I am about to call him when I see this familiar face emerging from the entrance. It’s Greg! I start to panic but I don’t want anybody to notice it. There’s cold feeling in my spine. He gets closer and closer to me. He looks at me and I smile. He walks directly to the counter as if he doesn’t see me. I hear him saying to the attendant, “Cappuccino for two.” After saying that, someone yells his name and Greg looks at the direction where the voice comes from. An unfamiliar person approaches Greg then hugs him and gives Greg a soft kiss in the lips.

I barely see everything. I see tears clouding my eyes. Lench calls me, I grab his arms and we walk toward the exit. My knees are wobbling. Lench is asking me if I am okay and I simply nod. “Let’s go”, I weakly say.

The Wet Shoes

2013-06-29T00:25:00.002-07:00

I slowly put my ballet shoes in the last box in front of me. Two days were not enough for me to pack all the things I needed for college. I told my mom that I didn’t have to bring all my clothes in an instant for I can still go back home and get the left ones. However, my mom would not listen. HP University was not that far from my hometown so I could go home on weekends – actually that was my ultimate reason but then, mom would just shut me up. When I finished filling the box, I grabbed a big brown envelope and when I was about to insert it in the box, a gold medal fell on the floor. I took it and I felt so proud upon seeing the inscription on the medal – Dancer of the Year.

I suddenly remembered how I danced on the stage in front of many people during our school recital. That was the last dance activity I had before I left high school. What made my high school so memorable was the Dancer of the Year award given to me during my graduation. Well, high school was over and the real deal was about to start. “Eight more days!” I softly whispered.

My first week in HP University was exciting. Recruitment was all over the campus. I saw a lot of stalls in front of every college wherein respective officers (I guess) were busy giving fliers and invitations to freshmen. Out of curiosity, I braved the crowd and went immediately to the stall where I saw a big tarpaulin which read – You dance? Now is your chance! I carefully examined the stall and I was definitely at the right place. I picked a lengthwise size paper on the table and swiftly left the stall. My heart was pounding with joy as I was reading what was written on the paper.

What: Hotsteppers Dance Audition

When: July 14, 2013, 1:00 PM

Where: HP Auditorium

Note: Bring with you your practice clothes, music, and your bio-data.

July 14^th. After finishing lunch, I took a shower and prepared the things I needed for the audition. “Practice clothes – check! Gatorade – check! Ballet shoes – check! CD – check! Well, I am so ready for the audition.” I didn’t wait for my clock to strike 1:00. Exactly twenty minutes before one; I was already at the waiting area of the auditorium. There were only I guess five of us sitting on the bleachers of the area. Minutes passed and more and more students filled the waiting area. Then the audition began.

The dance area was filled with anxious and excited faces. I saw a wide platform at the center of the hall and a long table at the north part of it. There were at least five people behind it and I thought they were the judges – three girls and two boys. Fear was written all over my face as I saw the girl seated at the center among the judges curled her forehead while looking at the students dancing on the platform. “I can do this!”

“JESS!” shouted the girl who was holding our bio data. That was my name being called. I suddenly felt cold and still. Then she repeated calling my name. “That’s me!” I replied. I slowly entered the hall and handed my cd to the operator. I went to the center of the platform and looked at the judges’ faces.

“What’s your name?” someone from the table asked.

“Jess.”

“Alright, Jess. So you know that this is a dance audition and if you have the qualifications we are looking for, then you can join the Hotsteppers.”

“Yes, I’m aware of that.”

“So, what dances do you know?”

“I know ballet, lyrical and contemporary.”

“That’s good. And what are you going to do today?”

“I’m going to do contemporary.”

“Tell us about your dance.”

That was unexpected. I didn’t know that the audition had preliminary interview. I gathered my strength and I told them about my dance.

“Well, I chose the song of Pink and Nate which is Just Give Me a Reason because I believe that there is a strong and conflicting emotion in their song. So I decided to make a dance of two genders, one from Pink’s side and one from Nate’s and mixed them.”

“That’s interesting. So, if you’re ready, Jess?”

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

I started to dance. There it went, the moment I had been waiting for. I enjoyed every second of the music. For me, dancing was life. It gave me a way to escape from the bitterness of reality. Dancing was freedom.

I finished my dance with a smooth fall. I heard some of the students clapped and I felt relieved. “At least, I did my best and I guess the judges were impressed.” They called me in front and the girl at the center of the table started giving her comments.

“You did a good job, Jess. So, the other four judges already told me their remarks so I will just condense everything. Okay, first, your choice of music was great. You have justified your dance considering that you have shown the incorporation of elements from the many styles of dance. You utilized both the strong and controlled legwork of ballet. However, we really have a big problem with your recovery every time you do the fall-recovery technique. Finally, I didn’t like you wearing ballet shoes. This is contemporary darling. I’m not saying that ballet shoes are not good for contemporary but barefoot dancing allows you to really feel the floor and it has a grounded floor that appeals to the dancer. Oh well, I guess I talked too much, Jess. We will just post the names of those who pass the auditions. Thank you for coming.”

I didn’t give a reply. I was really frustrated. I gave them a soft, sad look and I slowly walked out from the hall. I guess they were right. I should have been more careful. I sat on one of the chairs in the lobby and sloppily finger-combed my hair. The sky was turning gray and I felt that sooner or later it would rain. I wanted to cry. I really wanted to cry. I wanted to be a part of the Hotsteppers badly. I just crossed my fingers. The sky was already pouring its drizzles so I started walking towards home. Momentarily, there was a thick sheet of rain around me. I didn’t run. I let my body feel the cold water. My ballet shoes were already wet but I didn’t mind.

One hot afternoon, after attending my Physics class, I saw a group of students looking at the bulletin board. Some of them were shouting and some showed faces of disappointment. I was curious so I joined them looking at the paper pinned on the board. It was the announcement of those who passed the dance audition. I immediately looked for my name. “Jess Juan! Jess Juan! Jess Juan!” I couldn’t find my name so I scanned the paper again. Still, no Jess Juan. I thought I was just dreaming so I went back to the paper and looked for my name. It came to me; my name was not really there. I didn’t pass the audition. I left and went to the ladies’ comfort room. After getting inside the far most cubicle, I sat on the toilet bowl and I gave a loud cry. “Why?” That was the only question I repeatedly asked. After draining my tear ducts, I went out from the cubicle, composed myself and went out from the comfort room.

“Jess?” someone asked from behind.

“Yes?” I looked at who called me and I was shocked.

“Hi, do you still remember me?”

“Yes! Yes! You were one of the judges during the audition right?”

“Exactly. By the way, I’m Alex.”

“Nice meeting you, Alex.”

“The pleasure is mine. Hey, were you crying?”

“Ha? Oh no. My eyes were just irritated so I rubbed them a while ago.”

“Okay. By the way, the results of the dance audition are already posted. Did you see your

name?”

“No.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“But you know, you were my bet during the auditions. You are a good dancer.”

“You say I’m good but that’s just only to you.”

“No, I mean, yes you are good. You are even better than the others who auditioned.”

“But I didn’t pass the audition.”

“Hey, don’t lose hope. I will talk to Frina.” He was referring to the captain of the troupe.

“No, no. It’s okay. Maybe dancing was not really meant for me.”

“Don’t give up on dancing, Jess. Please!”

“No, Alex. My sister was right. Dancing won’t lead me to anything. It’s just a waste of time.”

“Don’t say that. Look at me, at first I was just an ordinary dancer. People around me inspired me

to continue my dream and to continue dancing. I had trainings. Now, I don’t say I’m the best

but I can say I am a new Alex.”

“I guess you are right, Alex. But, I think I have to forget dancing for the meantime.”

“Are you really giving up on dancing, Jess?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I guess that’s your final decision. But if you change your mind, I will be coming up with a dance participation for the College Ball. If you want, you can join the group. Practice starts tomorrow at 5 o’clock in the afternoon. HP Dance Hall.”

I gave him a light nod and then he left. It was already 5:30 in the afternoon so I decided to go home. During that night, I couldn’t forget what Alex told me. He was right. I had to keep on dancing. I was thinking of joining his group. There was a long contemplation then I finally decided to sleep.

Exactly 5:30 when I was finally at HP Dance Hall. At first, I was really nervous but after mustering enough strength, I entered the hall. I saw at least 12 people doing some dance steps. I gave a thrift smile and my eyes wandered. “Where is Alex?” I looked around the hall. “Ah, there you are.” Alex was fixing the player socket so I wasn’t able to see him because he was behind a big table. He waved upon seeing me.

“You came!” he said full of excitement.

“Yeah, I did. I see you are so busy huh. Are you the dance choreographer?”

“Yes, I am. So, are you finally joining my group?”

“Would I be here if I didn’t want to dance with your group?”

“Hahahaha. Very well. Hey, I want you to meet your fellow dancers.”

Alex introduced me to the other dancers. I had the chance to know them better. Some of them failed to be Hotsteppers like me and some of them were already members of the dance troupe. They told me that we were going to do hip-hop. I admitted that I was not really into hip-hop but they assured me that it would be very easy for me to learn. They also told me that I had to take risks if I really wanted to become the best dancer.

At first, I really had a hard time following Alex’s steps. What I did was to sit in front of him and watched him danced. Alex was a total performer. He knew how to do jazz, ballet, contemporary, modern and hip-hop. His movements were precise and accurate. He made sure that his dancers followed his steps easily. Well, for me, it was not hard to follow but the problem was me. I sometimes did lame movements when Alex required us to look stiff and hard. But what I liked about Alex was he did not let us drown by frustration. Instead, he even motivated us to move forward and keep on doing the routine.

After several days of extreme practice, we finally finished the dance. What we had to do was the polishing. Two more days before the ball and we were all excited. Honestly, I was taught various hip-hop styles that made me even more flexible and competent. I knew how to do the military-cramp roll, then the pop and lock and the snake arms. I looked funny when I did those styles for the first time. It took me at least six days to master those styles. Alex told me that I had remarkable improvements and he assured me that I could already prove my sister that she was wrong and I could be the next dance superstar.

August 9^th. The day that we were waiting for. Before I went to the ball, I made sure my rubber shoes, jeans and tee were neatly packed in my bag. There was a wide smile on my face as I gracefully left home.

The theater was already half-filled with third year and fourth year students in their elegant and eye-catching gowns and sophisticated tuxedos. Well, I was only in my first year so I just decided to wear a yellow semi-formal dress which complimented my tanned skin. I went immediately to the back stage and joined my fellow dancers. After one hour of waiting, we were told to change our clothes and prepare for our number. As I was finishing lacing my shoes, I suddenly remembered my ballet shoes. “Time to take a leap.”

When the emcee called our group, the lights went off. We went to the stage and positioned ourselves. The lights came to life and there was a deafening cheer from the audience. My heart pounded so hard and my lips went dry. Then there it went the first beat of the music. We danced as if there was no tomorrow. We danced as if we were the only people existing in the theater. After it, the audience cheered so hard and I saw Frina slowly standing from her seat and gave us a big applause. Sweat was rolling all over my face but I didn’t mind it at all. I was panting but I managed to give numerous smiles to the audience. The emcee thanked us and gave a very commendable remark.

After the ball, the dancers (including me) went to a bar to celebrate. There was a non-stop talk on our dance. We talked about how we wowed the audience with our breakthrough dance routines. Alex was sitting beside me and he never stopped congratulating me. I thanked him for giving me the opportunity to showcase my talent and for giving me the chance to take the risk.

Three days after our performance and as I was walking the sidewalk in the campus, my cellphone beeped and I got a message from Alex.

“Hey, Jess. I attended a meeting with the Hotsteppers a while ago. We talked about our next plans for the whole month of September. And oh, here’s my important announcement, welcome to Hotsteppers Dance Troupe, Jess.”

I couldn’t believe what I read. Was I dreaming? How come I became one of the Hotsteppers?

“Huwat? Are you serious? But how come?”

“Well, Frina saw you dancing during the College Ball and she realized that it would be a great

loss for the troupe if we will not get you. So, she told us this morning that you may join our meeting next Tuesday.”

“OMG! Alex, I can’t believe this. Thank you so much. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Jess. And hmmmm. Jess, I have to say something. If you don’t mind.”

“What is it, Alex?”

“I guess we are done with the dancer-choreographer relationship. What I am saying here is that, can we possibly make it to the next level? I mean, you and me, together?”

I knew what Alex meant. There was a very sweet smile on my face. My heart was filled with joy. I replied…

“We have to talk. HP Hall in twenty minutes. J”

Well, it was late afternoon and the sky was dark again. It was drizzling but I didn’t mind the water falling on my head. I stepped on some puddles but that was not important on that fleeting time. My shoes were wet again but they were not the ballet shoes; they were the shoes I wore when I danced in the ball.#

K.E.

June 29, 2013

3:20 PM

Someone Like You

2013-02-09T22:57:00.001-08:00

The hazy morning I saw outside my window convinced me to have five more minutes to curl my body inside this Parisian blanket my mom bought when she went to Europe. I took a look at my smart phone and it showed me that it was 12 degrees centigrade cold so I was even more convinced to stay a little bit longer in bed.

Later I found out that there was one text message that required opening. Though my eyes were filled with morning gems, I managed to easily read my message.

“Good morning babe! How’s my sweet bear?”

It was Allan. My face was filled with happiness when I read his message.

Allan and I have been together for two years. Our relationship was smooth sailing. They say it was perfect. Allan was a fourth year Chemical Engineering student in one of the prestigious universities of the province while I was an Education student in a private school. A lot of my friends told us that my relationship with Allan was incomparable. I agree. Allan was sweet, caring, thoughtful and most of all, handsome. Well, for me, I could say I am pretty, witty, and well-built. We were both scholars in our own field that’s why they say we were couples made in heaven.

I took a look at my cellphone again and started typing my reply.

“I just woke up babe. It’s really cold outside so I can’t get up now. How I wish you were here by my side, cuddling me.”

After sending my message, I grabbed my teddy bear (which Allan gave to me when we had our 2^nd anniversary) and hugged it tight. I waited for Allan’s reply for three minutes but I received nothing. Well, I just thought he was busy or he went to the bathroom or he was changing his clothes. An hour passed, still, no reply. I got up from bed and answered my mom’s loud call from the kitchen.

Breakfast was ready when I went down. This was what I loved about Saturdays. No school, no boring teachers, no practice teaching, no stubborn pupils, and most especially, Saturday meant bonding with my mom.

I was putting butter on my toast when my mom reminded me of the cooking session we were going to do the whole day. My mom loved cooking. She told me that the best way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. Well, I knew how to cook but not those complicated dishes. That’s why my mom prompted me of the food we were to cook – lasagna. My mom told me that my late dad loved lasagna so my mom had to buy an Italian cookbook to learn different Italian cuisines. I didn’t get that preference from my dad. I personally liked Filipino and Chinese foods. Well, aside from their sharp taste, these foods were one of a kind. And honestly, Allan loved Chinese food.

“Hey, Reese, did you check the internet already?”

“Mom?”

“Remember, I told you last night that you have to print the recipe for lasagna?”

“Oh, Mom! I am so sorry I forgot.”

“Well, that’s okay sweetheart. Maybe I could do that myself.”

“No, mom! I will do it. I will just finish my toast.”

I went to my bedroom and started browsing the internet. Lasagna! Lasagna! Lasagna! The hell with this recipe. Why did we have to make lasagna and not spaghetti or macaroni instead? Ugh!

After three minutes, I finally saw a cooking blog, with Italian foods as its specialty. I looked over the blog and I got the perfect lasagna for the whole day’s cooking. I loved zucchini very much that’s why I was shouting with joy when I saw that recipe on Zucchini Lasagna. I printed the page and went down immediately.

After the long preparation, my mom and I were ready to cook. Suddenly, I heard my phone rang. I ran towards the living room and took off my phone from its charger. It was a text message from Allan.

“Hey, babe! Just checkin’ you out. I miss you so much. By the way babe, my section decided to have an overnight stay in Rick’s house. We have to finish our filtration analysis. I am sorry I can’t come over to your house tonight. It was sudden. I love you babe.”

There was pain in my heart. But, who was I to stop Allan? That was a battle between his grades and me. I came to thinking, if I was in his position, I really had to finish the project also and Allan would understand that.

“It’s alright babe. I will just see you next time. Good luck! I love you too, babe.”

I went back to the kitchen and started cooking with my mom.

My Saturday afternoon was sad. I could say, it was kind of lonely because of Allan’s absence. My mom and I were used to seeing Allan in the house every weekend especially on Saturdays. Allan had to study and finish his college for the both of us. That was only my compliment.

After cooking and eating, I decided to have a movie marathon. I finished three movies and yet, I was like not watching movies after all. I missed Allan very much. We would have been in my bedroom, teasing each other and making out. We were both sexually active but we practiced safe sex. I remember one time when we made out just after we had lunch and I was really into it and I couldn’t help myself than to give a loud moan. My mom, who was just in her bedroom (which was next to mine) called and asked me what was happening and I lied to her saying that Allan pinched me hard.

Well, Allan was not here and I guessed I had to spend the whole night alone.

It was exactly 9:00 PM when I decided to visit Allan and his group mates. I took some of our lasagna leftover, put it in a plastic container and wrapped it. Before I left the house, I made sure I put on my sweet perfume and lip gloss.

I was in already in my car when I started dialing Allan’s number. There was no answer. I dialed again, still, no answer. Maybe they are too busy that even hearing phones’ ringtones are ignorable. After making ten calls with no answer, I started the engine and drove to Rick’s place.

When I arrived there, I saw people moving in the living room. I stood on the door step and pressed the doorbell. After a few seconds, Rick came out and he was surprised to see me. I greeted him and asked for Allan. He let me in and led me towards the living room.

Inside, I saw Allan’s group mates. I saw different apparatuses and thick books. Hell no to Chemistry! But I didn’t see Allan there. I asked where Allan was and Ryan told me he was upstairs, in Rick’s bedroom. I went upstairs to check Rick’s door and it was slightly opened. But the lights are turned off. I slowly opened the door, turned on the light and to my surprise; I saw Allan and Cindy banging in Rick’s bed. I couldn’t believe what I saw. Allan and Cindy were also stunned when they saw me standing on the door step. Cindy swiftly grabbed the blanket and Allan put on his boxer shorts. I saw Allan heading towards me then I started to scream.

“I don’t care what position you were in and how many orgasms you had but what the hell is going on?”

“Reese, I can explain.” It was Allan.

“Oh maybe I asked the wrong question because I already saw you thrusting her fucking cunt!”

“It’s not what you think, Reese.” It was Cindy.

“Oh really? Like what would I think? That you were just doing an act that the director wanted the two of you to fuck? Or is this a part of your analysis?”

“Reese, please listen!” It was Allan.

“Listen? My eyes saw everything, Allan!”

“Please listen, Reese.”

“I don’t need to listen to you, Allan! And ahhhhh, that is why you were not answering your phone because you were busy banging this slut!”

“Stop shouting, Reese. Please”

I didn’t give an answer. My eyes were welled with tears and momentarily, the tears fell. I went out from the room and ran downstairs. I heard Allan calling me but I didn’t look back nor gave him an answer. Rick came and held my shoulders.

“What’s wrong, Reese?”

“What’s wrong? Rick! What’s wrong? You ask me that question?”

“What’s going on?”

“Why don’t you ask these two assholes here?”

“Allan? Cindy? What the hell is going on?”

The two didn’t answer. I looked at Rick and said:

“I guess we don’t need any answers here. I’ve seen enough and I know you guys aren’t dumb to think of what happened. I have to go.”

“But, Reese…”

“Save your saliva, Allan! And oh, I thought you were having a filtration analysis. Or did you mean, penetration analysis?”

There was a deafening silence in the room. I went out of the house trying to stop my eyes from crying but I couldn’t. I couldn’t believe what Allan did. Wasn’t I perfect for him? I haven’t caused him any pain but why did he do that?

I rushed home and saw my mom sitting on the sofa. I hugged her tight and gave a loud, painful cry. My mom asked what happened and I told her everything. My mom didn’t say a word. I knew that would happen. I knew that my mom would let me feel that way to learn. All I got from my mom were soft “sshhhh” and a tight hug.

The next day, I woke up with teary eyes. I remembered what I saw last night. Naked sluts, banging bitches, loud moans and wide, separated legs. I took a look at my phone and I saw 127 missed calls from Allan. I opened my inbox and I saw a long thread of Allan’s text messages. I forced myself not to cry. It’s funny how you can be hurt so bad…from the person you least expected it from.

I let weeks passed until I decided to talk to Allan. I told him that we will talk in Central Park at 5:00 in the afternoon. He agreed to the said time and location and he even told me that he missed me so much.

Exactly 5:00 when I saw Allan, sitting on one of the benches in the park. I saw in his face that he really wanted to see me. I wore a casual face. I didn’t smile nor showed him an angry face. He stood up and came to greet me.

“Hey, Reese.”

“I would like to hear from you, Allan.” Start!”

“First, I am so sorry. You know, I was just tempted. Cindy started kissing me and I was carried away.”

I didn’t talk. And he continued.

“You are perfect for me, Reese. And I regret for what I have done.”

After hearing those words, I began talking.

“First, I loved you Allan. I just really couldn’t imagine why you did that to me. Sometimes, we give all our love, trust and time to someone whom we thought would stay with us; yet, they left you with a broken heart, broke your dreams and tore you apart.”

“Reese, I am deeply sorry.”

“I know and honestly, my love for you was like a bulletproof but you were the one who shot me. That really hurts, Allan.”

“Reese, please forgive me. I am begging you. I want us back, Reese.”

Then all of a sudden, he knelt in front of me. I held his hands and took him up. I looked directly to his eyes and said:

“You know, I have thought about this a million times. But it just led me to one conclusion. That is, NO! No because you have caused me pain and if I will forgive you this time, you will betray and cheat on me again. I thought if you were really faithful, you should have not done that.”

“Please, Reese!”

“Allan. No. Let’s stop this. And I know that we could be in our proper places if we will stop this.”

Allan was silent. I took away my hands from his and started walking away. I thought, when a heart breaks, it screams out in pain. You may hear a plaintive cry, but the silence is deafening. Betrayal is a bitter pill. The bitterness lingers, stifling out happiness and peace. But, I had to let go. I had such realizations and I knew that having him out of my life would help me move forward.

As I was walking away from Allan, I brought out my Ipod, went to my playlist and played one of my favorite songs. I plugged in my earphones and Adele started to sing in my ears.

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you too.

Heart Shaped Love

2013-02-08T04:08:00.001-08:00

The deafening sound of the alarm clock beside my bed continued to ring so I slowly stretched my hand to reach it. The morning rays of the sun were brightly shining through my window blinds. “Ugh! Too early to rise! It’s Monday again!” I really wanted to stay in bed for another minute but I remembered, I had to attend the DOTA tournament after class so I immediately got up from bed and had my morning routine.

I am Jason, a typical junior student of a private school in our town. Like the other normal students, I believe in one common reason we attend school – just to finish high school and go to college. In my school, I am called Jay (short for Jason). I am tall, a basketball varsity player, well-built, tan, and quite handsome. I can’t say I am from a wealthy family but I am living a comfortable life. I am not academically excellent but I am witty. I do like reading but I don’t talk often. In short, I am just your ordinary teen age boy.

They say attending high school is the best chapter of a man’s life. Yes, it is somehow true. My friends would tell me that this is the perfect time to start experiencing extra ordinary things- vices, girls, sex or even drugs. I just shake my head. I have a private life. My life is simple. I go to school, listen to boring lectures, jot down some notes, go home then go in front of my computer. I am a computer addict. I play online games, I spend my free time surfing the net, I visit a lot of social networking sites and I love to chat with my friends.

I don’t have any girlfriends but I have a lot of flings. People always tell me that I am young to have a lot of flings but who cares? I am good looking and girls like and want me. I just had my first experience five months ago but it didn’t happen with my girlfriend! It happened with a girl I just met in a drinking spree during my best friend’s birthday. The moment was ecstatic and crazy. The girl wished to have me as her boyfriend but that didn’t happen. I am not into relationships. Relationships are bullshit. I personally can’t handle it.

July 8^th. It was one lazy Monday at school. Our Chemistry teacher was patiently talking about ionic and covalent bonds when suddenly there were soft knocks on the door. Our teacher stopped talking and gave the person on the doorstep a sweet smile. I took a glimpse of who that person might be and I there I saw, one lovely girl, in her pink dress, her hair was neatly combed and tied up. I heard loud whispers from my classmates as they anxiously waited for the teacher to tell everyone what was happening. The girl gracefully moved in front of the class and then she started to speak.

CHERRY

The room was filled with wondering faces. I thought that these students were waiting for me to talk in front of them. I was a little nervous. Honestly, I am shy and timid. I don’t talk a lot. Well, I just talk when I am asked. My knees were a little bit wobbly when I started to move my feet. My lips were dry and my throat needed generous amount of water to soothe it. I clutched my small purse, slowly held my head high and started to speak.

“Good morning everyone.” I muttered.

“Ahhh hheeemmm!” I heard someone at the back clearing his throat. I looked at him and he grinned at me. He wore his typical high school uniform but his hair was sloppily combed.

“I am Cherry and I am a transferee.”

“Ohhh! Cherry! Delicious name!” Again, that remark came from the same boy. I ignored him and continued my speech.

“My mom had to open her franchised business in this town so I have to move also. I am looking forward to have fun with you guys.”

There was silence in the room. The girls in front gave me a sharp look while the boys at the back were smirking at me. I looked at the teacher and he was smiling at me. That was my compliment. At least, someone gave me a sweet smile.

“Nice to meet you, Cherry! Ok, I hope you will be nice to her, guys. Hmm, Cherry, you can the seat at the back for the meantime.”

I looked at the direction where the teacher was pointing. Good heavens! The only vacant seat in the room was beside that sloppy-haired boy at the back. I walked on the right alley and carefully sat on the chair.

“Hi! I’m Jason.” He said arrogantly.

“Cherry.” I softly answered.

“Nice to meet you! I am pretty sure we will be having a good time together here.”

I didn’t give a response. I glued my eyesight to the teacher who was talking in front and in the corner of my eyes, I saw Jason staring at me but I ignored.

Months passed and eventually, I had already adjusted myself to my new school. I gained new friends. Jason was becoming more serious these passed months. He admitted he was into me but I said no. I made a promise to my mom that I had to finish high school without causing her trouble. That wasn’t clear to Jason. He said we could have a discreet relationship and have a good time together; still, I said no.

One afternoon, my girlfriends and I were busy chatting in one of the nipa huts of the school when suddenly..

“Hi, Cherry, can I get you a drink?”

It was Jason.

“No, thanks. I am still full.”

“Oh common, I know you like lemon soda.”

“I said I’m full.”

“You know what Cherry, you look more beautiful when you curl your forehead.”

“I don’t need your compliment, Jason.”

“But why? I am just telling you the truth!”

“The truth? Well, the truth is, I feel more beautiful without you in my sight!”

“Ouch! That really hurts, Cherry!”

“Those are just words, Jason!”

“Ok! Fine! What would you like me to do?”

“Stop hitting on me. I would really appreciate that!”

“But…”

“No buts!”

Jason left with a face of disappointment! Honestly, I wouldn’t like to do that. Jason was really nice to me, except that he was sometimes arrogant. I understood him that he was doing his best for me but as promised, I didn’t like to give my mom some troubles. My girlfriends once told me that I should give a shot. I kept thinking about that but my mind said no. I started to feel something for Jason but my mind was shouting loudly that my heart got scared to talk. I saw Jason joined his friends. He looked back at me and gave me a soft and sad face.

JASON

I didn't give up. I got Cherry’s number and started sending sweet quotes to her. I endured two months getting no response from her. This girl was really amazing. I thought I was not into relationships but I swallowed my own words. I added her on Facebook and luckily, she accepted my request. I didn’t let a day passed without visiting her profile and looked at her lovely pictures. At first, my only happiness was to see my comments to her posts being liked by Cherry. That was heaven for me. After such time, I mustered enough courage to click her name on my chat list and sent her a smiley emoticon. There was no answer. The next day, I sent one smiley emoticon again. Suddenly, I saw my chat box with her name typing a message. She sent me the same smiley emoticon. The feeling was euphoric! I involuntarily smiled and my heartbeat became faster. I kept telling myself it wasn't love but it turned out, it was love after all. I insisted it was just infatuation but I was fooling myself. I fell in love with Cherry!

CHERRY

February was fast approaching. My girlfriends were super excited because of the anticipated JS Promenade. Well, I was not. JS prom was just an ordinary program. What would I be excited for? The cotillion dance? The speeches? The coronation of the JS Prom King and Queen? Bah! Nonsense. My mom told me that she would buy me a new dress for the prom but I said it would be really impractical to buy a very expensive dress for a night.

February 14^th. It was the general practice of the seniors and juniors for the JS Prom. It was exactly two hours ago since our dance trainer called us. However, nobody listened to him because of the other students’ excitement. I was just around the corner, not minding the people around me, waiting for my partner in the cotillion to arrive and scanning my inbox on my phone. There were a lot of valentine messages on my phone. Most of them came from my old acquaintances in the city. I felt soft pain in my heart when I suddenly remembered how we cried together when I finally told them that I was leaving. My old friends were crazy bitches, and I love them for being real.

I was about to close my inbox when a name caught my eyesight. Oh! It was Jason’s! He had a lot of text messages. I opened his messages and re-read them all. Jason was sweet. My girlfriends told me that they saw some changes in him since we met. I didn’t want to believe them but I could even prove it. Jason and I became closer and should I say, more intimate? Well, I really wanted to give a shot but I was really afraid of what my mom would tell me.

The cotillion participants were finally on the stage. The trainer started playing the music and we went immediately to our places. There I saw Jason, holding her partner. Alice, her partner showed me a face of joy. I pretended not to notice that but I suddenly felt soft twinge inside me. Why was I feeling that way? Have I fallen for Jayson? Dear God! No! I held my partners hand and followed the routine. The middle part of the dance was exchanging of partners. After five consecutive male partners, Jayson was finally in my hands. He gave me a soft smile and whispered:

“I saw jealousy on your face a while ago.”

“Me? Jealous?”

“Yes. I am sure you didn’t want Alice to be my cotillion partner.”

“I don’t care, Jayson. Be with whoever you want to be in this cotillion. I don’t really give a damn.”

“Really? But your eyes say something else.”

“Something else what? And what do you exactly want me to say? ‘Oh, Jason, I want you to be my partner. I want you to hold my hands and dance in the moonlight!’ Is that what you want to hear?”

“Nope, but I guess that is what exactly you want to tell me. And by the way, Happy Valentine’s Day.”

I couldn’t say a word. Yes! Those lines were the exact lines I wanted to shout at his face. But I couldn’t! And I was afraid.

A minute passed and I just saw myself dancing with my original partner and Jayson was finally with Alice.

February 15^th. The day of the not so anticipated JS Prom. It was 7:00 PM and the make-up artist whom my mom hired was giving me his final retouch. After which, my mom gave me a tight hug and told me, “Cherry, you are so beautiful! Enjoy your night.” I thanked her and gave her a big hug in return. Her eyes welled with tears but I told her it would ruin my mascara if I was going to cry. She called our driver and asked him to send me to the venue. I bid my mom goodbye and rode in the car.

I finally arrived at the hall. I guess I was kind of early because the chairs were half empty. My two girlfriends were already there and gave me a high wave. I went to greet them and joined their table. My girlfriends were talking about their dresses but my eyes and mind were wandering. Where’s Jason?

Thirty minutes passed and the attendants were almost complete. The emcee finally had a roll call. But Jason wasn’t in the hall yet. Where the heck is he?

After five minutes, there he was, Jason in his black tuxedo. He was holding a bouquet of red roses and dear Lord. He was heading towards me. I pretended not to see him and looked at my girlfriends.

“Hi, Cherry.”

“Oh, Jason. Hi!”

“This is for you, Cherry.”

“For me? These roses?”

“Yes, for you.”

“But! What for?”

“Hmmm, nothing. Just want to give this to you.”

“Oh, Jason. You shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s okay, Cherry. Hope you like it.”

Before I could give an answer, Jason was gone. He was already with his boyfriends. My girlfriends, on the other hand, were shouting with joy. Well, I felt happy too. Jayson was thoughtful and sweet. He was so perfect. But. There were buts. I faked my smile. How I wish.

“Ladies and gentlemen, Seniors and Juniors, before we eat our prepared food for tonight, we will give you this moment to choose your dance partners and you can enjoy dancing at the middle of the hall. We are only giving you thirty minutes for this part.”

Crap! But why do we really have to do this? My girlfriends were already on the dance floor with their partners enjoying the sweet music in the air. I was left alone in the table. I brought out my smartphone and took some pictures.

“Aren’t you going to dance, Cherry?”

That voice was familiar and it came from my back. I felt a sudden rush in my vein.

“Jason! Why are you there? Aren’t you going to dance?”

“I’m asking you the same question.”

“Well, I was about to dance, you know.”

“Really? But you were taking photos on your smart phone.”

“Uhh! Hmmm, after taking photos…Hmmmm…”

“Well, can I have this dance?”

“Ohh..Hmmm…Sure sure.”

There I was, holding Jason’s hand and heading towards the dance floor. My girlfriends were smiling at me and I knew they were even more excited than I was. Jayson slowly held my left hand and wrapped his right hand on my back. I was trembling. Sweet Jesus! I was not comfortable. Jason was staring me in the eye and I couldn’t see him in his eyes. I knew inside me that he was smiling but I was not looking at him.

“Is everything OK, Cherry?”

“Yeah!”

“You don’t look like you’re OK though.”

“I am not used to dancing like this, Jayson.”

“Haven’t you danced with a guy yet?”

“I have. But this is unusual.”

“Unusual?

“Yes, I don’t know.”

“Hmmmm, Cherry?"

"Yes?"

"I have something to tell you."

"What is it?"

"Hmmmm.. I guess I have gathered enough courage to tell you this. Cherry, I think I’m in love with you.”

There it was. The line I was really afraid of. I became mute. I couldn’t say a word. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him but I really couldn’t. I looked him in the eye and softly said:

“You know my situation, Jayson. I am so sorry but I really couldn’t answer that.”

“I know, Cherry. By the way, I went to your house a while ago to check you out but your mom said you left already. Your mom was nice. She even invited me in and gave me a glass of iced tea.”

“Did you talk?”

“Yes, we did.”

“What did you tell her?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Yes, nothing.”

“That’s why you were late.”

“Yes. That’s the reason. And by the way, she gave you a note. She told me she forgot to give this to you a while ago.”

Jayson handed me a note written on a gold something paper. And it read:

Cherry,

First, I want to say sorry. Sorry because I was not always there for you. And sorry because I was meddling your things in your room and I saw your diary. I read it and I found out that you were afraid to be with someone because of me.

Cherry, dear. You have proven me a lot of things. I think you are now free to do whatever you do in return to my lacking. I am your mother. I will always be happy if I’ll see you happy also.

Follow your heart, child. Be happy and enjoy the rest of the night.

Good luck to you and Jason.

Mom

I couldn’t believe what I read. I folded the note and gave it a sweet kiss. My tears were rolling down on my cheeks and I couldn’t help myself than to give a soft sob. Jason was silently staring at me. I could hear my classmates cheering and laughing while dancing. I looked at Jayson and he was smiling. That was monumental. I leaped towards him and gave Jason a tight hug. I knew he was shocked. And I softly whispered in his ears..

“I love you, Jayson.”

Isang Baklahing Sanaysay

2012-12-28T02:38:00.001-08:00

Bakla! Mayla! Sirena! Syoke! Ilan lamang sa mga ito ang pumupunit at nagdudulot ng sakit sa aming damdamin na binibigkas ng mga tao tuwing nadadaanan namin sila. Kahit gusto nang umagos ang aming mga luha, buong tapang pa rin naming hinaharap ang katotohanan at taas noong itutuloy ang pagkembot. Pero ang hindi nila alam ay parang kampanang umuugong sa aming mga tenga ang mga katagang binitawan ng walang prenong mga bunganga nila – na gusto na naming balikan ang mga tarantadong yun at bigyan ng malakas na suntok ang mga panga nila.

Sino ba kami at kanino kami nagmula? Walang makapagsasabi kung saang nayon kami nag-ugat at wala ring nakapagsasabi kung kami nga’y parang sakit na mabilis kumalat. Minsan nga, ilan ang nagsasabing nanganganak daw kami at mabilisan ang pagdami ng bilang namin. Haller! Isip-bata!

Marami sa aking mga kaibigang bakla ang nakakasalamuha ko araw-araw. At karamihan sa kanila ang nagsasabing kagustuhan nilang maging bakla. Wala pa naman akong narinig na pumunta siya sa isang lugar, nakalanghap ng maling hangin at biglang naging bakla. Ano yun? Mahika? Na-engkanto? Kagustuhan namin ‘to. Marami mang dahilan kung bakit kami naging bakla, ang importante, ito ang kagustuhan namin.

Si Mayvel (Macario) ay isa sa mga tinuturing kong bespren. Lumaki siya sa isang pamilyang kapos at salat ng pansin, pag-aaruga at pagmamahal. Limang taong gulang siya nang mapagtanto niyang gusto pala niyang mag-panty. Pitong taong gulang siya noong isang araw na iniwan niya ang mga pinsan niyang lalaki at nakipaglaro siya ng luto-lutuan kasama ang mga pinsan niyang babae. Walong taong gulang siya nang una niyang hinalikan si Richard Gomez sa pambungad na pahina ng Liwayway. At siyam na taong gulang siya noong una niyang natikman ang sampal at tadyak mula sa kanyang ama. Ayon daw sa kanyang ama na lasinggero at sabongero, wala daw sa angkan nila ang bakla. Wala rin daw sa angkan nila ang lalaking bihasang kumendeng. Kwento ni Mayvel, itatali daw siya ng kanyang ama sa puno ng mangga at hindi pinapakain o pinapainum magdamag. Ayon kay Mayvel, naiinggit daw siya sa mga alagang manok ng tatay niya at napapakain ng bonggang-bongga araw-araw samantalang siya, ni pang fishball man lang sana eh di pa maibigay ng kanyang ama. Iniisip na lang ni Mayvel na yun na lang siguro ang konswelo ng kanyang ama simula noong pumanaw ang minamahal niyang ina.

Sabi ko nga kay Mayvel, masuwerte siya at kinupkop siya ng butihing tiyahin niya sa syudad. Mabait si Mayvel. Fighting ang bakla tuwing rumarampa. Wala siyang pakialam kung ano man ang sabihin ng tao sa kanya. Depensa niya, may sarili na daw siyang parlor at kumikita siya ng pera nang hindi nanghihingi, Tama nga naman si ateng.

Isa rin sa mga kaibigan kong bakla si Cindy (Rosendo). Siya naman yung kumbaga “late bloomer” sa aming grupo. Nung bata daw siya, mahilig daw siyang magkipaglaro ng baril-barilan sa mga kapatid niya. Di niya inakala na nung tumuntong siya ng sekondarya, napawi ang hilig niya sa laruing lalaki at nahilig na siya sa mga manika at make-up. Ang pamilya naman ni Cindy ay suportado sa kanyang naging desisyon na maging ganap na binabae. Ang problema nga lang, wala kasing masyadong kagandahan si Cindy. Pero sobrang talino ang loka. Sabi nga namin, noong nagpamahagi ng Diyos ng kagandahan ay natutulog siya noon (naramihan niya sigurong uminom ng sleeping pills). Pero, noong oras na para ka talino, ayun si Cindy, una sa pila at may bitbit pang palanggana. Si Cindy ang lecturer ng grupo. Alam na siguro lahat lahat. Minsan nga gusto ko nang lagarihin ang leeg at ipaeksamin ang ulo sa Amerika at baka napunta sa kanya ang kaluluwa ni Einstein. May kaya rin si Cindy. Wala siyang pinapalampas bilhin na gadget. Sabi nga ng isang kaibigan ko, wala siyang nagiging jowa kung wala siyang pera. Depensa naman ni Cindy, at least daw gwapo mga nabibingwit niya at kaya niyang magbayad ng tama.

At ang pangatlo kung ikwekwento ay si Jenny (Hedilberto). Si Jenny ang unang napapansin sa grupo namin dahil sa angkin niyang kagandahan. Well, masasabi kong maganda talaga si Jenny. Maputi, matangos ang ilong, mahaba ang buhok at balingkinitan ang katawan. Korteng babae talaga ang katawan. Palagi nga siyang pasok sa top 3 tuwing Ms. Gay pageants eh. Pero ikanga ni Cindy, bobaret tong si Jenny. Tuwing binabato siya ng tanong sa Ms. Gay, wala siyang naisasagot kundi “Thank you!” lang. Kahit anong gawin ni Cindy na lektyur sa kanya, palagi pa rin siyang sablay. Depensa naman ni Jenny, “God is peyr!”. Wala man daw siyang talino, maganda naman daw siya. At wag kayo, si Jenny ang may pinakagwapong jowa sa grupo. Sabi ko naman, pinakagwapo nga, huthutero naman. Ang perang pinapanalunan ni Jenny sa beauty contests ay kay Albert napupunta. Sapatos, t-shirt, pabango, cellphone..lahat lahat na ata na hilingin ni Albert ay binibigay ni Jenny. Isang hapon nga, umiiyak si Jenny sabay kwentong nambababae daw tong si Albert. Sinabihan na namin noon si Jenny na hiwalayan na niya si Albert pero ang bakla ay go ng go pa rin. Kahit ilang ulit na siyang naloko at nasaktan, gora pa rin ang bakla.

Ganyan pala kasaya mga kwento ng buhay naming mga bakla noh? Pero, sa realidad at sa labas n gaming sarilling mundo ay ang katotohanan. Katotohanang wala kaming ibang magawa kundi harapin at ibilang sa aming sapalaran. Kami ay isang maliit lamang na parte ng isang mas malaking komunidad na walang ibang gustong ibigay sa amin kundi pangungutya. Hindi naman namin linalahat pero ang ilan ay mapang-api. Tuturingin kaming salot sa lipunan, malas sa negosyo, o di kaya’y mga kampon ni satanas na nagpapalaganap ng lagim. Bakit kaya kung kutyahin nila ang ilan sa amin ay linalahat na ng iba? Walang may gusto makutya at mapagtawanan sa harapan ng maraming tao. Kung ang depensya nila ang kabastos bastos at kawala-walang respeto ang mga ginagawa namin, humarap muna sila sa salamin at sabihin nilang sila ay perpekto at sila ay walang dumi sa mukha. Bakit? Ang mga lalake ba ay linikhang walang kasalanan? Ang mga babae ba ay linikhang walang bahid na dungis? Lahat ba tayo ay perpekto at banal? Hindi naman diba? Pantay pantay lang tayo mga ‘tol at mga sis.

Isang kahilingan lang naman ang nasa isip namin eh.

Sana walang diskriminasyon. Sana walang pangungutya.

Sana lang....

Friends: Are they really worth keeping?

2012-06-24T06:59:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I mustered enough motivation to sit in front of my laptop computer and start a new blog post. If I am not mistaken, I wrote my last article last November 2011. Well, that’s quite a long time. Today is a boring Sunday; this doesn’t mean I write when I’m bored. Simply, my thought has already been fed up with a lot of ideas.

I came across with a lot of ideas on what to write in this blog. I have thought of ESL (English as a Second Language) teaching, my frustrations, or desires. Arrgghh! Until one friend asked me how I managed to keep a hundred friends though I was as busy as a bee. I was not able to answer him, rather, I was busy gathering my thoughts and I came to realizing one good idea that night – to blog about friends.

Let me start by telling you what friendship means to me. Friendship is a feeling of love and affection of one person for another. This feeling of love must be reciprocated. Otherwise friendship cannot be possible. Friendship does not exist where tastes, feelings and sentiments are not similar.

You might have a different interpretation of the word friendship and that would be fine. As they say, we are individually entitled with our own opinion. However, spare me this time that I came up with a very shallow definition of it.

I now brag. Yes, I have a lot of friends. I often ask myself, “How did I make a lot of friends?” I don’t have certain strategies or techniques. When I talk to people, I will make it sure they’ll listen. And if I see that they show interest then maybe I could consider them as good people. Some people say first impression lasts. I realized this is not true. We need to know more about the person to come up with a conclusion – “Ah, I had a wrong impression. This person is not what I knew about him before.” Or “Yeah, I was right! He justified my first impression!” or “He can be a good friend.”

Now that we have numerous friends, I now raise a question - are our friends worth keeping? Who are real and who are not? Apparently, it hardly comes to anyone’s mind a “true friend”. You are no nearer to true friendship than if you choose them for commercial reason. Besides who are you that you should be setting a price upon your friendship? It is enough for any man that he has the divine power of making friends, and he must leave it to that power of making friends.

Friends are essential in our life just as food is essential for living. Moreover, it is essential to determine their friendship as we analyze the contents of the food before we eat. Friends and their friendship play a great role in everyone’s life. It is a gift that we offer because we must; to give it as the reward of virtue would be to set a price upon it, and those who do that have no friendship to give. We would meet a lot of people in our life, from those we choose friends and among those, we make our best friend.

It is said that a friend in need is a friend in deed. There may be many friends at the time of prosperity. But most of them desert at the time of adversity. We can examine the sincerity of a friend during our time of hardship and trouble. Only a sincere and faithful friend remains with us at the time of our trouble. All others leave us. It is very painful when our friends turn traitors.

Money is an enemy of friendship. Everybody has an attraction for money. When lending or borrowing of money is done between two friends, there is great risk. Friendship may be affected. So it is wise for true friends to avoid monetary transaction. Vanity is another element which breaks friendship. Everybody has self-respect. When a person tries to criticize his friend, their friendship is affected. So friendship must be treated very delicately.

Very often some hypocrites pretend to be friends. They are more dangerous than avowed enemies. By telling soft words they bring enormous ruin to us. A true friend never exploits. He rather surrenders. But at present, the meaning of friendship has changed.

There are many fair-weathered friends. They terminate their friendly tie as soon as their interests are fulfilled. It is very difficult to find a true friend today. It is better to establish true friendship with either a dog or an elephant. Both these beasts will remain faithful to their human friends. Today, friendship between two persons is short-lived.

Good friends exercise good influence. They always help their friends, in distress and inspire them to walk on the right path. But evil friends ruin us completely.

I may have hundreds of friends, but only a few are true. I may have numerous “tambaymates” but only one or two are faithful. I may have a lot of audience when I talk but only two or three listen.

Therefore, not all friends are worth keeping.

The Best Things in Life are Free

2011-11-17T02:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, after finishing all my work in the office, I immediately went downstairs to hit my bed. I opened my laptop and started surfing the net. Then suddenly, I received a text message from one of my friends. "Hey Kevin, where you at? Care to join the fun tonight?" It was eleven o'clock in the evening and that's the time that I started to receive some hang-out invitations. At first, I didn't really wanna go out. All I wanted was to relax and listen to Adele's songs. However, after 20 minutes, there I was, tossing some beer bottles with my close friends.

After two hours of liquor intoxication, we started to talk of life's blessings. One of my friends told us that she was already hired as a nurse in a hospital in Manila. One told us that they started building their house. And the other told us that she just had the best vacation ever. Oh well, I just remained silent. I kept on listening to what they were talking about.I didn't have something to brag. But the smile on my face was constant. While my friends were talking about how extravagant their lives were, I was also busy thinking of the free things that made my life happy and contented.

I listed some of the best things that I considered free.

1. Hugs. A hug is a physical intimacy that involves wrapping your arms around somebody's neck or waist. A hug is one way to express how you love and appreciate a person. And yes, it's free. But why do we hug? For various reasons, we hug because we love who we hug; we hug because we need comfort; we hug because we need to be understood; we hug for protection; we hug to ease the pain inside us, we hug to show how sorry we are; we hug to start an acquaintance and we hug to end everything.

2. Smiles. A smile is a facial expression formed by flexing the muscles found at both ends of the mouth. People buy expensive things to make their faces beautiful but they don't realize that a smile is an inexpensive way to change their looks. People worry about wrinkles but they don't realize that wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. We smile because it makes us attractive, it relieves stress, it boosts our immune system, it lifts the face and it will make us younger, it helps us stay positive, it changes our mood, and it is contagious.

3. Friends. Someone reiterated that a real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. A friend is a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. Yes, friends are free. They do not require monetary unit for them to stay by your side. Some friends will eventually leave you but some will remain. A friend who helps out when we are in trouble is a true friend—unlike others who disappear when trouble arises. Friends are one of the most important things in our lives. Unfortunately we have a few real friends. I have a lot of friends- girls and boys. It doesn't matter what they are. They have to be my real friends. He or she has to be good and reliable. It doesn't matter how he or she looks like. He or she has to be responsible and helpful. I think these people are one of the best people in the world. But we have to be good with our friends who haven't got character like this. Every man has features which he doesn't like. We shouldn't forget that we are people, too. I'm sure that if we are good with people we will have more and better friends.

4. Kisses. A kiss is the act of pressing one's lips against the lips or other body parts of another or of an object. Depending on the culture and context, a kiss can express sentiments of love, passion, affection, respect, greeting, friendship, and good luck, among many others. There are some reasons why people kiss and here are some. Kissing removes stress, it fights against tooth decay, it burns calories, it tones facial muscles, it enhances the immune system, it boosts our morale, it is a form of meditation and it induces emotional bonding.

5. Family. Exactly, family is the first thing we have - and it's free. According to a saying that I read, "A family is a haven in a heartless world". Family is a place where you can be yourself. It is a place where you are accepted for what you are. This is where you are completely tension free and everyone is there to help you. Family encourages you when you are surrounded by problems. It helps you survive through tough times and bring joy and happiness into life. Family is very important part of our everyday life. It helps us in improving our personality. It also helps us in shaping our life. It teaches us the value of love, affection, care, truthfulness and self-confidence and provides us tools and suggestions which are necessary to get success in life.

6. Sleep. This is a free way to get total rest and relaxation. If you can't afford a complete Thai massage, just go to bed, relax, then sleep (totally free, I tell you). What are the benefits of sleeping? Sleeping helps repair our body by producing extra protein molecules. Also, sleeping relieves stress by lowering the blood pressure and elevated levels of stress hormones. Next, sleeping improves our memory by letting the brain organizing and correlating memories. Another is that sleeping helps control body weight issues by regulating the hormones that affect and control our appetite.

7. Love. Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. It is also a virtue representing all human kindness, compassion and affection. Love is vague. It conquers all. It defines everything. I wouldn't make this part long because we all know it's nature and definition.

8. Laughter. They say that laughter is the best medicine. Laughter is not an over-the-counter drug nor a doctor prescribed one. Laughter is recommended by everyone to momentarily forget the bitterness of life or to celebrate what life has given us. We laugh because someone cracked a joke. We laugh because we perceive something funny. Whether it's the giggling of your child or the enthusiastic hollers of a talk show's studio audience, we hear laughter every day. Nothing could be more common. But just because it's common doesn't make laughter any less strange. The bottomline is, we laugh not because we respond to something funny but because we are simply happy.

9. Good memories. These are the treasures that no one can take away from you. They are called treasures but they are priceless. Barbara Streisand in one of her songs had this lyrics: "Memories, light the corners of my mind." Everytime we think of our good memories, we can't help but to smile and tell yourself how wonderful life is. Our memories is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are and things you don't wanna lose. And remember, we do not remember days, we remember moments.

After a quite time thinking of those best things in life, my cousin suddenly held my shoulders and shrugged them. "Hey cuz, what about you? What makes you happy right now?" I gave a simple smile and said, "All the best things in the world of course. I haven't spent any single cent but I have them all." I grabbed my bag and headed towards home.#

Citations:

http://EzineArticles.com/2330415

http://www.better-sleep-better-life.com/benefits-of-sleep.html

http://men.webmd.com/features/why-we-laugh

Learn to say NO

2011-11-16T01:38:00.000-08:00

I started to get fascinated by short stories when I was in high school. I didn't have patience reading novels and poems. I kinda liked short stories because I could finish reading one story in an instant. Moreover, the short stories I read before were all inspiring and they all gave me moral values to ponder on.

So, I would like to share with you, one of my favorite short stories - Learn to Say No.

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"There is a word, my son, a very little word, in the English language, the right use of which it is all-important that you should learn," said Mr. Howland to his son Thomas, who was about leaving the paternal roof for a residence in a distant city; never again, perchance, to make one of the little circle that had so long gathered in the family homestead.

"What word is that, father?" asked Thomas.

"It is the little word No, my son."

"And why does so much importance attach to that word, father?"

"Perhaps I can make you understand the reason much better if I relate an incident that occurred when I was a boy. I remember it as distinctly as if it had taken place but yesterday, although thirty years have since passed. There was a neighbour of my father's, who was very fond of gunning and fishing. On several occasions I had accompanied him, and liked it very much. One day my father said,--

"'William, I do not wish you to go into the woods or on the water again with Mr. Jones."

"'Why not, father?' I asked, for I had become so fond of going with him, that to be denied the pleasure was a real privation.

"'I have good reasons for not wishing you to go, William,' my father replied, 'but do not want to give them now. I hope it is all-sufficient for you that your father desires you not to accompany Mr. Jones again.'

"I could not understand why my father laid upon me this prohibition; and, as I desired much to go, I did not feel satisfied in my obedience. On the next day, as I was walking in the fields, I met Mr. Jones with his fishing-rod on his shoulder and his basket in hand.

"'Ah, William! you are the very one that I wish to see,' said Mr. Jones, smiling. 'I am going out this morning, and want company. We shall have a beautiful day.'

"'But my father told me yesterday,' I replied, 'that he did not wish me to go out with you.'

"'And why not, pray?' asked Mr. Jones.

"'I am sure that I do not know,' I said; 'but, indeed, I should like to go very much.'

"'Oh, never mind; come along,' he said. 'Your father will never know it.'

"'Yes, but I am afraid that he will,' I replied, thinking more of my father's displeasure than of the evil of disobedience.

"'There is no danger at all of that. We will be home again long before dinner-time.'

"I hesitated, and he urged; and finally, I moved the way that he was going, and had proceeded a few hundred yards, when I stopped, and said,--

"'I don't like to go, Mr. Jones.'

"'Nonsense, William! There is no harm in fishing, I am sure. I have often been out with your father myself.'

"Much as I felt inclined to go, still I hesitated; for I could not fully make up my mind to disobey my father. At length he said,--

"'I can't wait here for you, William. Come along, or go back. Say Yes, or No.'

"This was the decisive moment. I was to make up my mind, and fix my determination in one way or the other. I was to say Yes or No.

"'Come, I can't stay here all day,' Mr. Jones remarked rather harshly, seeing that I hesitated. At the same moment, the image of my father rose distinctly before my mind, and I saw his eye fixed steadily and reprovingly upon me. With one desperate resolution, I uttered the word 'No!' and then turning, I ran away as fast as my feet would carry me. I cannot tell you how much relieved I felt when I was far beyond the reach of temptation.

"On the next morning, when I came down to breakfast, I was startled and surprised to learn that Mr. Jones had been drowned on the day before. Instead of returning in a few hours, as he had stated to me that he would, he remained out all the day. A sudden storm arose; his boat was capsized, and he drowned. I shuddered when I heard this sad and fatal accident related. That little word NO had, in all probability, saved my life.

"'I will now tell you, William,' my father said, turning to me, 'why I did not wish you to go with Mr. Jones. Of late, he had taken to drinking; and I had learned, within a few days, that whenever he went out on a fishing or gunning excursion, he took his bottle of spirits with him, and usually returned a good deal intoxicated. I could not trust you with such a man. I did not think it necessary to state this to you, for I was sure that I had only to express my wish that you would not accompany him, to insure your implicit obedience.'

"I felt keenly rebuked at this; and resolved never again to permit even the thought of disobedience to find a place in my mind. From that time, I have felt the value of the word NO; and have generally, ever since, been able to use it on all right occasions. It has saved me from many troubles. Often and often in life have I been urged to do things that my judgment told me were wrong: on such occasions, I always remembered my first temptation, and resolutely said--'No!'

"And now, my son," continued Mr. Howland, "do you understand the importance of the word No?"

"I think I do, father," replied Thomas. "But is there not danger of my using it too often, and thus becoming selfish in all my feelings, and consequently unwilling to render benefits to others?"

"Certainly there is, Thomas. The legitimate use of this word is to resist evil. To refuse to do a good action is wrong."

"If any one asks me, then, to do him a favour or kindness, I should not, on any account, say no."

"That will depend, Thomas, in what manner you are to render him a kindness. If you can do so without really injuring yourself or others, then it is a duty which you owe to all men, to be kind, and render favours. You know, also, the precept, 'Whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, do ye so to them.'"

"But the difficulty, I feel, will be for me to discriminate. When I am urged to do something by one whom I esteem, my regard for him, or my desire to render him a kindness, will be so strong as to obscure my judgment."

"A consciousness of this weakness in your character, Thomas, should put you upon your guard."

"That is very true, father. But I cannot help fearing for myself. Still, I shall never forget what you have said, and will try my best to act from a conviction of right."

"Do so, my son. And ever remember that a wrong action is always followed by pain of mind, and too frequently by evil consequences. If you would avoid these, ever act from a consciousness that you are doing right, without regard to others. If another asks you, from a selfish desire to benefit or gratify himself, to do that which your judgment tells you is wrong, surely you should have no hesitation in refusing."

The precept of his father, enforced when they were about parting, and at a time when his affections for that father were active and intense, lingered in the mind of Thomas Howland. He saw and felt its force, and resolved to act in obedience to it, if ever tempted to do wrong.

On leaving the paternal roof, he went to a distant town, and entered the store of a merchant, where were several young men nearly of his own age--that is, between eighteen and twenty. With one of these, named Boyd, he soon formed an intimate acquaintance. But, unfortunately, the moral character of this young man was far from being pure, or his principles from resting upon the firm basis of truth and honour.

Associated with him at the same desk day after day, his growing influence over Thomas Howland soon became apparent in inducing him to stay away from church on the Sabbath-day, and pass the time that had heretofore been spent in a place of worship in roaming about the wharves of the city, or in excursions into the country. This influence was slightly resisted; but Thomas felt ashamed or reluctant to use the word "No," on what seemed to all the young men around him a matter of so little importance. Still, his own heart condemned him, for he felt that it would pain his father and mother exceedingly if they knew that he neglected to attend church at least once on the Sabbath-day; and he was, besides, self-convicted of wrong in what seemed to him a violation of the command, "Remember the Sabbath-day," as he had been taught to regard that precept. But once having given way, he felt almost powerless to resist the influence that now bore upon him.

The next violation of what seemed to him a right course for a young man to pursue, was in suffering himself to be persuaded to visit frequently the theatre; although his father had expressly desired that he would avoid a place where lurked, for the young and inexperienced, so many dangers. He was next easily persuaded to visit a favourite eating-house, in which many hours were spent during the evenings of each week, with Boyd and others, in eating, drinking, and smoking. Sometimes dominoes and back-gammon were introduced, and at length were played for a slight stake. To participate in this, Thomas refused, on the plea that he did not know enough of the games to risk anything. He had not the moral courage to declare that he considered it wrong to gamble.

All these departures from what he had been taught by his father to consider a right course, were attended by much uneasiness and pain of mind. But he had yielded to the tempter, and he could not now find the power within him to resist his influence successfully.

It happened, about six months after his introduction to such an entirely new course of life, that he was invited one evening by his companion Boyd to call on a friend with him. He had, on that day, received from his father five pounds, with which to buy himself a new suit of clothes, and a few other necessary articles. He went, of course, and was introduced to a very affable, gentlemanly young man, in his room, at one of the hotels. In a few minutes, wine and cigars were ordered, and the three spent an hour or so in drinking, smoking, and chit-chat of no very elevating or refined character.

"Come, let us have a game of cards," at last remarked Boyd's friend, during a pause in the conversation; at the same time going to his trunk, and producing a pack of cards.

"No objection," responded Boyd.

"You will take a hand, of course?" said the new friend, looking at Thomas Howland.

But Thomas said that he knew nothing of cards.

"Oh, that's no matter! You can learn in two minutes," responded the friend of Boyd.

Young Howland felt reluctant; but he could not resist the influence that was around him, and so he consented to finger the cards with the rest. As they gathered around the table, a shilling was laid down by each of the young men, who looked towards Thomas as they did so.

"I cannot play for money," said Howland, colouring; for he felt really ashamed to acknowledge his scruples.

"And why not?" asked the friend of Boyd, looking him steadily in the face.

"Because I think it wrong," stammered out Howland, colouring still more deeply.

"Nonsense! Is not your money your own? What harm, then, is there in your doing with your own as you please?" urged the tempter.

"But I do not know enough of the game to risk my money."

"You don't think we would take advantage of your ignorance?" said Boyd. "The stake is only to give interest to the game. I would not give a copper for a game of cards without a stake. Come, put down your shilling; and we will promise to pay you back all you lose, if you wish it, until you acquire some skill."

But Thomas felt reluctant, and hesitated. Nevertheless, he was debating the matter in his mind seriously, and every moment that reluctance was growing weaker.

"Will you play?" asked Boyd in a decided tone, breaking in upon his debate.

"I had rather not," replied Thomas, trying to smile, so as to conciliate his false friends.

"You are afraid of your money," said Boyd, in a half-sneering tone.

"It is not that, Boyd."

"Then what is it, pray?"

"I am afraid that it is not right."

This was answered by a loud laugh from his two companions, which touched Thomas a good deal, and made him feel more ashamed of the scruples that held him back from entering into the temptation.

"Come, down with your stake, Howland!" said Boyd, after he had finished his laugh.

The hand of Thomas was in his pocket, and his fingers had grasped the silver coin, yet still he hesitated.

"Will you play, or not?" asked Boyd's friend, with something of impatience in his tone. "Say yes, or no."

For a moment the mind of Thomas became confused; then the perception came upon him as clear as a sunbeam, that it was wrong to gamble. He remembered, too, vividly, his father's parting injunction.

"No!" he said, firmly and decidedly.

Both of his companions looked disappointed and angry.

"What did you bring him here for?" he heard Boyd's companion say to him in an undertone, while a frown darkened upon his brow.

The reply did not reach his ear; but he felt that his company was no longer pleasant, and rising, he bade them a formal good-evening, and hurriedly retired. That little word no had saved him. The scheme was, to win from him his five pounds, and then involve him in "debts of honour," as they are falsely called, which would compel him to draw upon his father for more money, or abstract it from his employer, a system which had been pursued by Boyd, and which was discovered only a week subsequent, when the young man was discharged in disgrace. It then came out that he had been for months in secret association with a gambler, and that the two shared together their spoils and peculations.

This incident roused Thomas Howland to a distinct consciousness of the danger that lurked in his path, as a young man, in a large city. He felt, as he had not felt while simply listening to his father's precept, the value of the word no; and resolved that hereafter he would utter that little word--and that, too, decidedly--whenever urged to do what his judgment did not approve.

"I will be free!" he said, pacing his chamber backward and forward. "I will be free hereafter! No one shall persuade me or drive me to do what I feel to be wrong."

That resolution was his safeguard ever after. When tempted--and he was tempted frequently--his "No" decided the matter at once. There was a power in it that was all-sufficient in resisting evil.#

Twilight Saga: Lessons Learned

2011-11-16T00:29:00.000-08:00

Twilight is a series of four vampire-themed fantasy novels by American author Stephanie Meyer. It charts a period in the life of Isabella "Bella" Swan, a teenage girl who moves to Forks, Washington, and falls in love with a 104-year-old vampire named Edward Cullen. The series is told primarily from Bella's point of view, with the epilogue of Eclipse, and Part II of Breaking Dawn, being told from the viewpoint of character Jacob Black, a werewolf.

The reason I read the book was that it has become a phenomenal motion picture. Also, I love reading books before they are made to films. My cousin, Myrtle, told me before that I should read the series for it made her feel how to love again - that's against all odds. I was just giving her loud sighs as she continued telling me the stories. What a spoiler.

When my cousin handed me four thick books, I almost fell from my chair. Where on earth would I get an effin patience to read all those books? But after mustering a lot of courage, I started reading them. At first, I felt bored because I thought the story was all about a typical girl, dating a typical vampire (of course, a vampire who's afraid of the sun). Blah blah blah. I thought it was pure typical. But when the story revealed that vampires sparkle when hit by the rays of the sun and the Cullens are vegetarian (not that they purely ate vegetables but they abstained from drinking human blood), I started to get fascinated by how Meyer presented the story.

Then there came the motion pictures. People who anticipated it flooded the cinemas. I admit, I was one of them. I endured waiting for me to reach the ticket booth just to grab a ticket. And that continued for three years. Now that the last part of the saga is about to be released, people start to think of how it would be made in films. Though many have already read the books, they still want to witness the love story of Bella and Edward on big screen.

After reading the books and in my own opinion, there are certain lessons, good and bad that we can learn from Twilight Saga. And here are some:

1. Dont be Ageist. Everyone knows that we are not in the right position to prejudge a person based on skin color, race, religion or belief. Sometimes, whether we admit it or not, we do that. One common thing we do is to make assumptions based on a person's age. We tend to talk to people of our age or younger, than to talk with older people. We assume that being with people in our own age means a more romantic scenario. In Twilight, Bella assumed that Edward was a normal peer dude of her age. But when she learned that he was a century older than her, she didn't show any regret of befriending him and she even developed a relationship with him. In real life, let us not reject anyone because of his/her age.

2. We are our own worst critic. This explains Bella in Twilight. She saw herself as a shallow, clumsy, and an average looking girl. However, Edward saw her as a pretty and intelligent gal. Edward didn't see Bella's negative outlook in life but he saw her inner potentials. In real life, sometimes, we often look ourselves as busted. We pick only the wrong deeds that we've done and not recognizing the good things we have. So, let us cherish every moment our life and exude a positive outlook.

3. Good things come to those who wait. Though Edward was not totally human, he still honored the sacredness of marriage and waited it before having sex. In real life, a lot would engage themselves to premarital sex to justify the love a man and woman have. Why not wait? In the long run, the time you spend together before marriage will give you enough time to prepare and get ready for a new chapter. What if Bella got pregnant before marriage? Disaster! How would Charlie react if he saw Bella with a lump in stomach plus the bruises? Therefore, patience is a virtue! Everything happens for a reason.

4. It hurts to lose someone. In New Moon, when Edward left Bella, the latter's world was devastated. Meyer described her life as blank pages. Yeah, Jacob was there but Bella's life revolved around Edward. Her life was empty without Edward. Although life goes on when we lose someone, and Bella found a way to move forward, her life was not the same when Edward was still around. In real life, we must remember that loved ones will eventually leave us for various reasons. So we must remember that while our loved ones are still with us, let us love and cherish every moment, and don't take our loved ones for granted.

5. Love has no prejudice. When you're really in love, you can see past all the outward differences between two people, even when those differences are of a human and a vampire. Moreover, like the cliche goes, "Love conquers all", Bella and Edward surpassed all the challenges that went their way to prove their love. In real life, let us not set boundaries. We need to express our love without hesitation and with total acceptance. #

A Gay's Life

2011-11-13T03:55:00.000-08:00

Being a gay is not as easy as everybody thinks. A friend way back in college once asked me how hard a gay’s life was. I gave him a grin and said, “Nah, my life is fun. I can do a man’s task as well as a woman's.” But eventually, after saying those words, I turned mute. Did I say those words right? Was I at the right state of mind when I told him that answer? Later that day, I came to realize that what I told him was a complete lie. “Life is fun.” Those words were ringing my ears. How dare me! Who was I to conclude that a gay’s life was fun?

Early childhood. During this phase of my life, I thought life would be like a kite, freely flying above. I played dolls with my cousins, screamed in the streets like there’s no tomorrow, endured the ants biting my feet while hiding from the hide and seek’s IT. Life was about going to school and playing with friends after.

Puberty. This was the stage where I started feeling discriminations. High school was fun. I started to be more conscious of what I wore. I started to feel infatuated with the male models of the glossy magazines. I knew there and then that I wasn’t really into girls. I started to love the tallest and hunkiest male of the campus. I couldn’t help myself but to stay on the aisle every 5:00 in the afternoon just for me to have a glimpse of his face. Rubbish! But I did that. However, after the ecstasy at school, there came to me – the bitterness of outside world. Everybody would look at my ass as I swung it while walking. I couldn’t help it. I thought of the pavement as a runway. (I had dreamed of becoming a runway model before, that’s why). I knew people were talking about how I walked and how my fingers rose while eating an “inartem” (mango fruit or tamarind fermented in black vinegar). But everytime I looked at them, they would turn away their faces and pretended to be looking at something far away from me. There was one time wherein someone screamed, “Ayy! Bakla!”. It was like a big slap on my face. I couldn’t do anything. He was cute yet stupid. I couldn’t do anything but to curse his life. “You pray that your sons will not turn to what I’ve become.”.

Early adulthood. This was the time when I entered college. And it was worse. I was academically good but outside, I was a pest. I started to feel aloof when there was a time when I rode a trycicle and there was a young man inside. When he knew I was about to be his seatmate, he immediately got out, handed his fare and rode another tryc. Looser! Did I have a skin disease? I just gave a loud sigh. How discriminating! One time in our Sociology class, one of my classmates raised a question, “Will gays enter heaven?”. I wanted to grab my thick Biology book and slam it to her head. I wanted her dead at that moment. I raised my hand and I courageously answered, “Well, God said, if you truly believe in Him, you will. And next time you ask that question, you need to make it sure that you, yourself, belong to the righteous ones.” After saying those words, I felt a little relief. However, I was continuously castigated. Some cute guys became my friends. I thought they liked the way I possessed myself but I was wrong. Suddenly, they needed encoder of their research papers, a reporter of their group experiment and the worst, they needed my dorm mate’s cellular phone number. Imbecility.

Present. Life is not fun at all. Who would dare to shout “Ay, mayla!”? Some narrow minded people of course. But as usual, I couldn’t do anything than to raise my middle finger and say, “Nammet!” There are still sharp stares, degrading words, and gender marginalization.

At present, I am acquainted with a lot of gays in the city. Most of them are pretty and well mannered. When we have time to be together, we talk of life’s blessings and beauty. We talk of boys. We talk of money. We talk of health and wellness. And then we talk of life’s bitterness. After which, we come to one common question, “Why can’t they totally accept us?”

Yes, I admit gays have some faults and flaws. But those aren’t enough to set aside our stand in the society. May you have time to think of our part in the community. We are the colors of the universe. We give laughter. We extend your horizon. We beautify you. We make simple things magnificent. Do you really realize those? If yes, we thank you. If not, we still thank you. (Maybe you are better than us.)

No government has the right to tell its citizens when or whom to love. Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses. Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. And at the end of the day, the important thing is not the object of love, but the emotion itself.

*I dedicate this article to all my gay friends. Keep on soaring. This is our life, not theirs.

Who Can Tell of the Rain

2011-11-10T07:50:00.000-08:00

You might be wondering why I'm posting some literary pieces here. It's simple - literature is life. According to my Literature Teacher way back in college, we write because we like writing. Literature is sharing what you think to other people, regardless of what they will think after. It is you who made it because you considered it as your life.

Anyway, have you ever wondered why poems are so hard to understand? I admit, I sometimes have a hard time comprehending with every word written in a poem. I couldn't disagree with the words because they were the author's expressions. Since then, I lose my appetite for poems, until a friend of mine wrote a very simple poem. A poem that was not just created out of expression or thought but a poem to move a reader. This poem was very simple and well delivered. I couldn't disagree with the written thoughts because they were all based on reality.

Before you read the poem, I would like to give my full acknowledgement to Christine Guerrero Jacinto who made this poem. Kudos Christine.

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WHO CAN TELL OF THE RAIN

Who can tell of the rain? Not I, nor can the sun,

I can only tell of sunshine; and battles fought and won.

I cannot tell of sadness; I cannot tell of pain.

I cannot tell of rejections: I cannot tell of mistakes.

I cannot tell of wishes said unless they have been fulfilled.

I cannot tell of flowers dead, nor hopes that have been killed

I cannot tell of forgotten dreams except those that have come true.

I cannot tell of gray-slate skies, only of those that are brightly blue.

I cannot tell of tears that fall, only of smiles and laughter

I cannot tell of broken hearts, only of love, true and undying

I cannot tell of bitterness, only sweetness, love and care.

I cannot tell of the rain, only of rainbows and tomorrow

I can only tell of happiness: never pain, never lies, never sorrow.

THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM

2011-11-10T07:31:00.000-08:00

*I was busy scanning my back-up files in my computer when I ran over a document. This file was under my folder - LITERATURE. At first, I couldn't remember the things I put in it. Eventually, when I started reading the file names one by one, I suddenly remember my college days, when I was still a member of the college paper. I was the Literary Editor so I was in charged with the editing of the submitted articles. And one of the most admired articles I've ever read was a simple writing from our News Reporter - Ms. Henedine Boudreau. If I'm not mistaken, she was a Nursing student of our school and grew up in Canada. She was one of the respectful members of the organization because of her unending and invaluable contributions to the paper.

Now, let me share with you her simple yet inspiring writing titled, "The Calm Before the Storm."

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Motionless, I stand on concrete blocks, beautiful shade of orange, red and brown circle me, while I remain rooted to the grey sidewalk.Caught in the eye of the storm, I watch these leaves dance, each leaf knows the different style of dance, they attempt at doing things their own way. They try to swing, tap, krump, but instead end up colliding, falling, fighting.

And I know, that I’m caught I this whirlwind for a reason. It’s as though the wind is giving me a glimpse into the near future. As the wind rips around my feet, my torso, my head, sending my hair in all directions, it’s telling me “there is beauty in watching things try so hard, so hard, and fail.” The wind keeps on racing around my body, kissing, my cheeks, down my neck, its hand underneath my clothes, giving me goosebumps. Tracing its fingers along my skin, I can feel the cold sinking beneath me; it wraps its hand gently around my heart then gives it a nice, hard, vicious pull, ripping my heart from my chest.

“With dirt in you hair, and no heart in your chest, you’ve never looked so beautiful,” the wind whispers in my ear, reassuring any doubts I may have been feeling. I continue to watch the leaves dance and fall, circling around my body

“there is beauty in watching things try so hard, so hard and fail,” then, all is silent. I know I am caught in the eye. This is only the calm before the storm.

"Smizing" - Smiling With Your Eyes

2011-11-10T00:05:00.000-08:00

Fashion world is not just a world of elegant clothing and extravagant jewelries. It is not just also a world of catwalks and runways. But for me, fashion is everywhere. Like what Coco Chanel reiterated, "Fashion is in the streets. It's on the sidewalks, tables, shops...everywhere." Coco was right. Eventually, when somebody says, "fashion", we think of runways, models, and brand tags.

Oh well, everybody wants to be called a "fashion trender". We need to make it sure that what we see on fashion magazines must also be present in our own dressers and closets. Though we need to break legs to achieve that mentality.

Meanwhile, some of us get insecure by the way models look. We go in front of the mirror and strike a pose. We try hard to let our knee caps face one another (and yet, they wobble). We tilt our neck, we raise some brows and pout our lips. And oh, Tyra said, "Smize!"

I was being fascinated by Tyra's strong pictures. She has been my beau ideal when it comes to striking a pose. She never fails to surprise me. Tyra and her America's Next Top Model give us a lot of tips on how to be a supermodel - in your own way. And one tip to be a good poser - the smize.

Smizing is Tyra Bank's secret to stunning photo. Smizing is considered to be a look that involves smiling not only with your mouth but through using your eyes - smiling with the eyes - hence, "smize". The term was coined by Tyra on one of the episodes of America's Next Top Model.

Simizing became phenomenal. From Tyra's models to media people to Hollywood personalities. I admit, I tried smizing once, but I couldn't just get it. Yes, I've tried. I went in front of the mirror. I contoured some facial muscles.Yet, I still failed. But how does Tyra do it? If I see her on TV, she seems effortless when she does it.

So, I took my time and I spent some hours searching the internet on how to smize. Fortunately, hundreds of lists on how to smize flooded my search engine. What I did was I took some tips and condensed them into simple forms.

So sit up, grab a mirror and start following these simple steps to stardom.

Step 1. RELAX. Chill. Make at least 5 inhales and exhales. Let your stiffness out of your system. Shake your body for a while to loosen up. If you're wearing tight dress or make-up, at least make a wiggle. Visualize calm scenes in your mind and think peaceful and positive thoughts.

Step 2. CHOOSE A FOCUS POINT. Setting a focus point will help you be more steady when you gaze at the camera. This will also help you feel certain and settled. Of course, here are the things that you can include as your focus points: the photographer, the camera, the person motivating you just behind the photographer, or an object just at the right height.

Step 3. LOWER DOWN/ TILT YOUR CHIN. Just a tilt down slightly so that you'll feel like a wolf, ready to devour - glaring out from under your eyelids. This will also help you achieve the smize look.

Step 4. SQUINT. This means, you partly close your eyes as when hit by a direct sunlight. Remember, squinting doesn't involve your cheeks. The only place that moves is just directly under your eyes. Imagine that your face is paralyzed except for the eyes. Remember, you need to hold your squint until a camera click is done.

Step 5. PART YOUR LIPS. Focus your breathing through your mouth. Imagine that it's hot and your breathing like a dragon. And remember, avoid pouting. This isn't sexy if you don't get the right angle. After parting your lips, now we are ready to....

Step 6. SMIZE. After practicing all the previous steps, it's time for you to get a bigger mirror and start smizing. This time, think of yourself infront of a dragon, ready to slay it. Scare it with your smize. Take note, don't say cheese. Let your eyes say "smize".

Step 7. BE PLAYFUL. Though you won't look like a kitten rolling with a yarn, always smize in a playful way. Remember, being playful means going back to step 1, which is relaxing. In this way, you act playful to loosen up. Continue doing this until you reach perfection.

Sources and Citations:
1. http://www.wikihow.com/Smize
2. http://www.wetpaint.com/americas-next-top-model/articles/the-beginners-guide-to-the-perfect-smize

A Chain of Love

2011-11-08T23:51:00.000-08:00

It was exactly 5:00 pm when he drove his car home. His day at work was excruciating so he needed to finish his tasks and decided to go home. His boss got mad at him just because he had handed the wrong papers to be reviewed. It was his fault in a way but he thought he did not deserve to be mocked by his superior. Meanwhile, the storm that was striking their area was forceful and the strong wind shook his car. The heavy rain flooded the road so he slowed down his driving.

Suddenly, two red blinking lights caught his sight. Even in the dim light of the day, he saw an old woman, obviously seeking for help. The old woman was weakly looking at her tires not minding the heavy rain pouring on her body. Therefore, after parking his car, he immediately got out from it. Cold rain welcomed his body and even with the smile on the old lady’s face, he knew that the woman needed help. He guessed that the woman waited for help in an hour or two.

“Good afternoon Ma’am, I’m here to help you. By the way my name is Jared.”

“Thanks God and you’re here. You’re the only one who dropped by to help me.”

“Why don't you go inside your car Ma’am where you can warm yourself?”

Well, the only problem was that the woman got a flat tire, but that was already frustrating for an old lady. Jared immediately got his car tools from his car trunk and he crawled under the old woman’s car right away. He looked for the perfect place to set the jack, not minding the thick grease that was dripping on his cheek. After setting the jack, Jared began to fix the old woman’s tire.

While Jared was fixing her tire, the old woman lowered her window and began talking with him. She told him that she was a doctor and she was from Nagsango, a far place from Jared’s town. She also told him that she attended a seminar at Marikit Provincial Medical Center and just passed by at Kalayaan Street where she got flat tire.

After Jared was done with the old woman’s car, she asked Jared how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. The old woman already imagined herself and all the awful things that have happened if Jared had not stopped and helped her. Jared thought about the money once, considering that he had helped many people and all of them offered him money in return but he refused to accept, instead, he said, “Ma’am, money is not important to me. You don’t owe me anything. This was helping someone in need. If you really want to pay me back, just share your money the next time you meet another person in need. And when you do that, think of my name… Jared.”

Jared waited until the old woman started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.

A few miles down the road, the woman saw a small eatery. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made her trip home. The eatery looked dingy but customers crowded it. After finding the perfect spot to seat, the old woman’s waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that being on her feet the whole day could not ever forget.

The old woman noticed that the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and pressures change her attitude. The old woman wondered how someone who had so little could be so patient and giving to a stranger like her. Then she remembered Jared.

After the woman finished her meal and the waitress went to get change for her thousand bill, the old lady secretly slipped off right out the door. The old lady was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the old lady could be. While dishing off the table where the old woman had eaten, the waitress saw four P1000.00 bills clipped in a small piece of paper. Then she noticed something written in the small piece of paper.

There were tears in her eyes when she read what the old lady wrote: “You don't owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out; the way I know I’m helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love be broken and end with you. And when you do this, just think of my name…Aurora.”

Well, there were lots of table to clear, sugar containers to fill, chairs to arrange and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day.

That night, when the waitress got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what Aurora had written. How could the woman know the exact amount the waitress and her husband needed for her hospitalization fee?

With their first baby due next month, the waitress knew that it was going to be really hard for her and her husband. She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, “Everything is gonna be alright. I love you Jared.”#

When Time Is Up

2011-11-08T06:10:00.000-08:00

The train station was filled with faces of anxiety and excitement while his was inexpressive. As he sat silently on the bench, a loud scream echoed and there was catastrophe. People gathered around the corner beside him. Men just uttered silent words while women burst into cries of fear. But he just sat there and noticed instead, a man in white tuxedo heading towards him with a sweet smile. He stretched out his hand and said

"Leo, come with me. Your time has arrived."

"But sir, I don't know you." he replied.

"That doesn't matter. You have a lot of explanations to do."

The young man kept on talking but he could not comprehend his every word. He started to feel cold when the young man held his palm. Suddenly, everything went mute, and then total silence and peace enveloped him. He felt that he was levitating and he wanted to shout but he couldn't. He and the man were heading to some very bright tunnel. Then there was a loud banging at the door.

"Leo! Leo! It's already 8 o'clock in the morning and yet you are still in bed."

He immediately got up from his bed and let out loud and fast breaths. Drops of sweat fell from his forehead. "What was that?" he asked himself. He had the dream again. In fact, he has been dreaming it for four years now and he does not know why he keeps on dreaming the same dream.

Fortunately, Ms. Lydia has come again to his rescue when she banged his room to wake him up. Ms. Lydia became his guardian when his parents decided to migrate to the United States. The physical absence of his parents took a toll on him. He became astray and rebellious. His parents stopped sending him money the moment they knew his vices - drugs and alcohol. Ms. Lydia could not fathom what he had become.

Later that day, Leo went into his usual rendezvous. While walking along the cold pavement of Santo Tomas, a little boy caught his sight. The cold wind that swept the dried leaves on the street and the flickering light of the street lamp posts gave him a cold chill. But the boy stood still under the tree and was sharply staring at him. Curiously, he went near the boy and slowly asked,

"What's wrong little boy? Are you lost?"

"Leo, do you know where you are going?" asked the boy.

"How come you know my name, little boy?" he uttered in surprise.

"It's my duty to look over you Leo. Again, do you know where you are going?"

"Of course! I'm heading home!"

"No Leo, you are not heading home, you are going the wrong way!"

"Oh! Dear boy. I have been walking this street for 20 years."

"I know, and for 5 years, you have been wasting your life."

"Hey! Who are you to tell me I'm wasted? Get lost, kid!"

And he started to walk away but the boy held his right arm and said,

"Leo, you are really heading the wrong way.

"Listen..."

But the boy was gone. Leo was stunned. He pinched himself to wake up from what he thought was a dream. But he felt his hard pinch. Everything was real; the boy, the sharp eyes, the lamp posts, the dried leaves and the flickering light. He ran as fast as he could until he reached his friend's house. His panting was heavy and his cheeks red, when Alfonso, his friend, opened the door. He noticed Leo's face and asked,

"Hey Leo, what's wrong with you? It seems like you've seen a ghost."

"I did, Alfonso. I saw a ghost!" He stuttered, still panting.

"Oh you freak! Stop fooling around. Why don't you buy us beer and let's start the session?"

"Good idea Alfonso. Where is Trixie? I need my shot!"

Trixie, his ecstacy dealer, came down from the stairs with bags of ecstacy in her hand.

"Guess who's gonna on high tonight". She teased as she sat beside Alfonso in the sofa. Meanwhile, Alfonso went outside to buy bottles of beer and a bottle of vodka.

Six minutes later and Leo, Alfonso and Trixie were feeling high already. They intoxicated themselves with beer, vodka, took some pills, danced wildly with the loud rock music playing over the radio, screamed and shouted at the top of their lungs, unmindful of the neighbors.

Eventually, Leo got up from his seat and went into the dark alley between the houses to pee. When he was about finished, a little girl passed by and said in low voice,

"Time is running out, Leo!"

Leo turned his head but the little girl was gone already. He swiftly zipped his pants and ran towards Alfonso. He sat on his chair and gulped his 9th bottle of beer. He held the bottle of vodka and he half-emptied it.

"Hey man, slowly!" said Alfonso.

But Leo did not listen. What was important to him at that fleeting time was to be drunk then sleep.

Then his phone beeped. He read his text message and it read,

"Please meet me at the train station. I need to talk to you. Please come as soon as possible."

Leo ignored the text message. He thought that it was stupid to entertain a message from a stranger. Instead, he took his third pill of ecstacy and drank the last bottle of beer.

Ten minutes passed and his cellphone beeped again. It contained the same text message. Leo ignored it completely. He kept on going wild. He again requested Trixie to give him his last pill of ecstacy. After Leo took in the pill, he drank the remaining vodka from the bottle. Then his phone rang loudly. Leo picked up his phone and answered.

"Hello. Who's on the line?"

"Leo, stop what you are doing and meet me at the train station."

Leo was mesmerized. The voice he heard from the phone was subtle and refreshing. It was a man's voice but it was cool to the ears. He unconsciously put on his shoes and coat and drove Trixie's car to the train station.

Finally, Leo was at the train station. The place was crowded with people. How could he possibly know the person who called him from this throng of people. He decided to sit on the nearest bench and lit a cigarette.

Suddenly, a woman screamed. There was horror in her face. Then the woman was crowded with curious onlookers. There were loud murmurings but Leo ignored them. Then he heard the same subtle voice from behind.

"Your time has arrived Leo. You have a lot of explanations to do."

The young man held out his hand and everything turned silent. Leo was so confused because he was compelled to take the hand of the mysterious man in white tuxedo suit. Without a word, together they headed to the bright tunnel. They rose higher and higher to the bright space. When Leo looked down, he saw the crowd below. When he got a peek at what the crowd circled, he saw a man lying on the floor, lifeless, with a stick of cigarette still stuck between his fingers. He recognized the gothic letters tattooed on the man's arm.

It read, LEO CAMTAL.

DoTa Ba o Ako?

2011-11-08T01:55:00.000-08:00

Defense of the Ancients, or the infamous, Dota. I have heard this word since high school and still hearing it till now. This is a strategy game wherein players choose their heroes and defend their camps - the sentinel and the scourge. Heroes together with their creeps move forward to rage their furies to their enemies. And after long hours of leveling up and killing enemy heroes, one side will be declared victorious.

When I was in high school, my classmates would suddenly disappear from our dozy subject - Filipino. My not-so-aware teacher would begin his class not noticing that the seats were half empty. We, the diligent students would sometimes bow down our heads, pretending to be listening though we were actually sleeping. Meanwhile, my classmates or should I say, "cutting-classmates" would be enjoying their fleeting time playing Dota in the nearby computer shops. While we, inside the classroom, would be talking about Pantinig, Pandiwa etc., my classmates outside would be busy shouting, "FIRST BLOOD" then "DOUBLE KILL" or even "GODLIKE".

I didn't understand why these people would waste their time, playing this self-tagged "stupid game". Why didn't they spend their time reading a novel, or play the scrabble? My dilemma continued. I entered college and that word which rang my ears when I was in high school became louder and it was even deafening. I thought, only teen-age people were the only ones who were hooked up with this game. But I was completely wrong. Even adults played Dota. What the hell was happening? Did those people think of their education, more importantly, their future?

Years passed. I continued the journey of my life not hearing the word, Dota. I thought I totally moved on but again, I was wrong. As I was surfing the net and busy liking some of the posts on Facebook, my eyes were caught by an image which charmed a lot of people. That image had 143 likes and an oozing 1,211 comments. I was intrigued so I immediately clicked on the image and voila - there came to me, a photo of a lovely lady with a title, "DoTa ba o Ako?"

I was a little disturbed! Why would a such pretty gal ask someone, - "Dota ba o Ako?". Since I was curious, I planned to have a drinking spree with my old acquaintances - who happened to be my earliest known "Dota Addicts" in history. At first, I was hesitant to ask that quandary. I waited for them to talk about Dota. My agony was killing me. No one was talking about that effin game. Two hours passed and they were still talking about basketball and boxing. So, I gathered up my strength and asked, "Hey guys, are you still playing Dota?" Everything went mute. They all stared at me. Then there was a burst of loud laughter. They couldn't stop laughing so I mustered, "Am I funny tonight?" One answered, "Are you okay? Did you just say Dota?" I gave him a sharp look and answered, "Yes, I did. I just need your opinions on this phrase, 'Dota ba o Ako?'" After I said those lines, they all became silent again. And they all looked at Richard. I was really confused. Did Richard make that line? Oh c'mmon! I needed answers.

Richard gave a loud sigh then started, "Actually, my girlfriend and I broke up a couple of weeks ago. She decided to end our relationship because according to her, I didn't know anything except Dota. Yeah, I admit, sometimes, I forget that she is my girlfriend...Oh, WAS, I'm sorry. Instead of staying by her side when she needed me the most, I was not there but I was with Krobelus - my hero. Instead of buying her things that will make her proud of me, I was in Dota world, busy crafting items for my death prophet. Instead of defending her when she feels frightened, I was not. I was busy making my hero strong so that it can defend the Scourge iced tower. So, she decided to leave me. Arggh! This is shameful."

What the! Richard was epic. He was an epic fail. Who was Krobelus? What was crafting? What was iced tower. Sweet Jesus. Was it the alcohol or was it just me? I was really baffled. Richard's gf as I knew it was really pretty and gorgeous. How would a man left her just because of Dota? I felt how Richard fingered that evening. A tear almost fell from his eyes but he managed us not to notice it. My eyes almost welled up when he said in a low voice, "I really miss her. But it's too late."

After many days of pondering on that matter, I decided to take a glimpse on the internet. I tried my luck to find any discussion about a battle between Dota and a Girlfriend. Luckily, I found one. And here what it said.

*Dota has only one world while a gf has a lot.
*Gf will eventually leave you; Dota won't.
*Gf gets angry when you play Dota; Dota doesn't get angry when you have a girlfriend.
*You just need 20 pesos to play Dota -> Happiness.
*You need more or less 200 pesos to please your girlfriend.
*In Dota, when you look for another hero, nobody gets angry. When you're with your girlfriend and when you look at somebody, she automatically reacts and gets angry.
* When you leave your girlfriend, you will have a hard time getting her back. But in Dota, when you leave your game, you can always go back.

And here's more:

GF: Hey, come to think of it. Can DOTA satisfy your sexual needs?
DOTA: Can a GF give you triple pleasure when you have triple kill?
GF: Can Dota complete a man's life?
DOTA: Can a GF make a man GODLIKE?

After a long debate, they still have one thing in common:

That is, they are both there when you are feeling down and when you are in your worst. A girlfriend is at your side when you lose your bet in Dota. And who will be there when you and your girlfriend went nuts? It's Dota, right?

Whatever you choose, it is you who can tell what you really deserve. That's your life. Live it.