Take Care Of Our Queens

MENTAL POVERTY – IS WHAT’S WRONG WITH US BLACK PEOPLE!!!

2012-10-14T17:37:00.000-07:00

This post is off what this blog is about, but it is something that was on my mind.

Being a black man, my inspiration & writings are mostly directed to black people, as you may have notice. Now, I want to ask black people out there the following questions:
Who got the idea for flight? It was Wilbur & Orville Wright. Who got the idea for the telephone? It was Alexander Graham Bell. Who got the idea for electricity? It was Thomas Edison. Who got the idea for personal compute

rs? It was Jobs, Wozniak & Gates. It was Newton who discovered the law of gravity because millions saw the apple fall, but he was the one who asked: ‘WHY’? It is Einstein who is known as the smart guy & who developed a whole theory about it. I could go on… They were all white. It was a white man who first landed on the moon.
Now, please tell me of black people…. What did we discover, what did we invent, what did we do that makes significant contributions to society? Or are we not capable? What is wrong with us???
I think there is a lot of mental poverty with the black man. They say knowledge is power. But is it really? I beg to disagree. They say not everybody who studied made it & not everybody who made it studied!!! Many have knowledge, but do they have power? I see many with knowledge that is going to waste & not being used to its full potential. A professor lecturing in the field of science at a University for instance has all that knowledge, but what does he do? He teaches… shouldn’t he be out there, inventing, creating? But instead he chose to teach… Knowledge becomes power only when used to its full potential. Now when it comes to black people, looking at our past many were disadvantaged, with many struggling to make ends meet, & not many could study but that is all changing now, yet things are changing too slow for my liking. There is a stereotype that says if you want to hide anything from a black man, put it in books because black people don’t read. Now I am not one to believe much of stereotypes, but it is a sad fact that above-mentioned one holds much truth. For if it were not, our communities would not be in the state it is today. Experts refer to black people as mankind’s Bottom Billion, who can only come out of the black hole they have dug for themselves through intervention by the rest of the world. It saddens me to see resources not benefiting our people. What I see happening is a great majority face hunger, homelessness & endemic and growing poverty with massive & growing inequality. We are so rich yet so poor. Our communities should be a hive of economic activity & growth driven by the logic & knowledge of its own people. This leaves me with this one question: What is wrong with us? I ask again, what is wrong with us??? What is wrong with our reasoning & logic? A sad but true fact is we bear the price of our own shortsightedness.
It all started when the white man (missionaries) came to Africa with a bible in his hand. They said, let us pray, we closed our eyes & prayed.
When we opened them, we had the bible in our hand & they had the land. The continent was then overwhelmed spiritually & intellectually by European imperialism, resulting in Black people abandoning their beliefs, and turning to religions, which were marginalized, vulgarized & vilified by missionaries. Then came the Slave Trade & a century of Apartheid where the black (race) man was made to believe he is inferior & not capable and so the brain drain continued. It is a sad but true fact that Africa’s past has a lot to do with the current mentality & thinking of the black man. Much of our thinking needs to change!
We bear the price of our own shortsightedness. There is a growing dependence on foreign patronage & solutions initiated from outside the continent. If you follow economic news you might be aware that black communities are unable to service their debts so they become dependent on gifts or donations from the governments, or from whoever wants to exploit our communities and us. High indebtedness & aid dependence thus become two sides of the same coin – economic stagnation. Many projects in our communities have been development disasters. Why, because the plans were sometimes ill thought out & poorly conceived. But more importantly the money didn’t go into development projects & programs they were intended for by donors. Money that often goes missing through corrupt schemes, which brings me to Greed… Greed is a byproduct of poverty. Now a sad fact is there are many by-products of poverty with black people like corruption. The HIV/Aids pandemic for instance is also fed by poverty. How do we stop this greed, corruption & all the by-products of poverty? They say give a man a fish & u feed him for a day, teach a man to fish & you feed him for life.
To all thinking people & anybody with a social conscience, if you have knowledge about something that might be of benefit to a fellow black man, share it. You have the power to change things but for that you need a new type of social thinking. Let the winds of change sweep across our community.

He Will Never Be Into You

2012-10-05T00:00:00.000-07:00

Women too often overlook the red flags, the signs of troubles ahead and the hints that this guy’s not the one. You let things slide because you want so badly to be pleasantly surprised. But all this ever gets you is even more disappointment in the end not only in the men you date, but also in yourselves for not going with your gut. After reading this list below, you’re held accountable for your own heartbreaks. If you ignored these signs and charged on, there was nobody that could save you but yourself.

“You can come if you want to”

You “know” that if the guy is just exposed to you enough, he’ll fall for you. So you’re taking any chance you can to hang out with him. Even when his invite consists of the words, “You can come…if you want.” A guy that truly wants you there will say, “I’d LOVE for you to come.” A man that says it the former way has no intention of paying attention to you at the party/bar/beach/whatever. A man that wants you there lets you know that you will enhancethe experience for him. That you would be doing him the favor by attending with him. But if he says, “You can come if you want…” he felt obligated to invite you and you’ll only look desperate for going. It’s a lose, lose.

He says he’s “not a cuddler”

Anybody’s a cuddler when they truly like someone. It’s a part of how the human body functions. All those feel good chemicals that surge up when we’re around someone we truly like compel us to want to physically connect. If a guy says he’s not a cuddler he’s either A) Not into you or B) Selfish, and actually not a cuddler but too self absorbed to think, “Hm. Maybe it would make her happy if I cuddled her.”

He “forgets” to text

You don’t struggle to remember the person you’re into. You struggle to forget them! You have to force yourself to put them out of your mind while you’re working or hanging out with friends. A text can be sent sitting at a redlight (don’t tell the cops we said that!), standing in an elevator, waiting in line at the grocery store. You know this list is endless because you’ve found all of those times to text a guy you’re into. And when you’re into a guy, you remember to make use of those times. You don’t want to be with someone that you’re forgettable to.

He’s too busy

Again, like the lyrics at the beginning of my post, everybody wants love in their life. It’s a part of the pyramid of sociological needs that humans require to survive! If a guy is into you, he’ll drive to you on his lunch break. He’ll come over when he gets off work, even if it’s super late. He’ll line your calendar and his up for the next month and circle the dates when he can see you. And you shouldn’t be wasting your time with somebody who would do any less.

You can’t leave a toothbrush

Neat freaks are the exception (but they’re a pain to date.) If a man is into you, he’ll love the little signs of yourself you leave behind like mascara , a sweater, a hair tie A man that doesn’t let you keep so much as a toothbrush at his place is either A) Seeing other people and doesn’t want them to see that, B) Never learned the basic principles of sharing and compromising or C) Not into you.

He’s private about his computer or phone

Everybody has a right to privacy but only the people up to something invoke it. If your guy shuts his computer screen, x’s out all the tabs, or turns his phone over every time you walk in the room; odds are he is flirting with another girl. If it happens once or twice, let it slide. It may be a coincidence. But if it’s a regular occurrence, something is up.

He’s “not a planner”

He won’t give you an answer about something you’re inviting him too and he only ever asks you out at the last minute. He says he’s just “not a planner.” What he really is an opportunist that wants to make sure there isn’t a different girl he’d rather hang out with that night, before resigning to seeing you. I’m sorry, but it’s true because again, when a man falls he falls and he will ask you sometimes weeks in advance to do something just to make sure he reserves that slot of time with you

He cares about the dumb things

He’s picky about where you eat, what movie you see, what bar you go to, how cold it is in your apartment. He needs everything to be perfect. But, when you’re truly into somebody, the joy of their company overshadows much else. You don’t care where you eat so long as you’re eating with that person. If a man is particular about all the superfluous things, that means you’re not the main attraction for him. You’re just a little added bonus. A sidepiece with his perfect dinner and movie.

Everything is on his terms

He has to get up early, so you go to his place. He wants to meet up with his friends at a bar, so you have to go with him if you want to see him. Basically, if you want to see him, you have to make things as easy as possible for him. If this guy really liked you and/or wasn’t completely narcissistic, he would go out of his way to make things easy for you. Relationships should be give and take. You’re not going to charm a selfish guy into being giving. If anything, you’ll only spoil him by being at his beck and call and things will never change.

He doesn’t want to meet your friends

If a man doesn’t want to meet your friends, family, co-workers or pretty much anybody but you, he just wants to hook up and he only wants to put in the minimal effort necessary. Why should he impress your friends when the only place he plans on seeing you is the bedroom? Your friends won’t be there. It’s a simple as this: if a man is into you, he wants to know you and that includes your hobbies, where you like to hang out, your passions and the people in your life.

His parents were in town and you had no idea

The matter about meeting your friends is the same in reverse. If a man is into you he wants to show off his friends and to you. He wants to show you off to them. He wants to implicate you into his life. Also, he wants to know what his friends and family think about you! Anybody who is falling for someone wants their friend’s and family’s notes on that person (well, at least the friends). But if they just want to keep it casual, they don’t care what their friends and family think of you or visa versa.

He’s not a good listener

It’s true that a lot of men suffer from ADHD, and after dating for a while you’d notice their listening skills waver. But even a guy with the worst ADHD, when he is courting a girl he is really into, will double up on his medication and make sure to pay attention to you! If you’re out with a guy that keeps looking around while you’re talking, or answering you with, “Huh? Sorry. I’m kind of spacey” he’s just waiting to sleep with you.

He pushes for sex

If a man plans on being with you for a while, what’s the rush on sex? Granted, if you make a man wait months…well, men have needs and it’s understandable if he gets antsy. However, if a man is pressuring you to have sex within the first few dates, that’s because, sex is all he wants from you. He may not even realize that himself yet but, a man who is into you realizes very well that no good comes from pushing for sex.

He kisses you rough

Having a real crush on a girl brings out the tender side in any guy, and that means tender kisses. If a man gets really aggressive with his kisses, pushing you against walls and shoving his tongue down your throat or in your ear, that means that you make him horny. And that’s good, but you don’t want to only make a guy horny. A man who really likes your personality will calm down and give you a gentler kiss.

If He Loves You, He Will Show It

2012-10-03T09:36:00.000-07:00

Some men don’t know how to say it, and some men have never said it to a woman who wasn’t blood related, but that doesn’t mean that a man doesn’t love you or isn’t passionately in love with you. Society conditions men to behave a certain way, that way being to withhold love while simultaneously demanding it. Because of this, some men aren’t always able to verbally express how they feel about you, but many show it in a number of other ways:

The Kisses

Be it the soft forehead peck or the passionate knee-knocking lip-lock, the way a man kisses you tells you a great deal about him and how he feels about you. You can be sure of his love by the way he embraces you each time he kisses you, and if he seems to anticipate each kiss that you two share.

He Misses You

No matter if it’s a few weeks apart or a few moments, he makes the effort to express to you that he misses you or that he needs you, through phone calls, messages, letters, status updates, tweets or by whatever means–that’s a proclamation of genuine affection.

He Tries To Change For You

Men, by far, are not perfect creatures, but when they are trying to improve in order to become better boyfriends, lovers or counterparts, then it’s usually love that drives those intentions. Examples of this is when he’ll agree to go dancing or do other new things that he’s never been open to trying before. Or better yet, trying to be more open to try things he doesn’t like to make you happy. Compromise is a beautiful and loving thing.

The Departures Are Something Out Of A Movie

Parting is always the hardest for lovers, but in that moment, a small gesture of love takes place as one of you walks away: if he glances back toward you as he walks away, or if he stands, gazing at you as you depart, then that is an indicator that he misses you already. That one extra glance or extra look should reassure you that he thinks that you’re special. The same can be said if he lingers, hesitant to leave.

He Gets Creative For You

Times are hard, so a creative hand is usually a ‘go-to’ for a man who isn’t vocal with his love (and isn’t balling money-wise). Poems, paintings, songs, sonnets, notes, letters, crafts, ceramics, posters, collages, skits or stories are only some of the possible things that your man may have created for you to show his interest in you is still impeccably strong. Creating projects takes time, energy and patience…just like relationships, so creativity is a strong sign of his love.

The Hugs Are Deep

When a man draws you in completely, chest-to-chest or head-to-chest, with his arms folded around you, cradling you like you’re something precious, you can feel that affection. It’s within reason to assume that he truly adores you; because men usually reserve that level of intimacy for women who they care deeply about.

Everyone Know Your Name

You two are hanging out together, watching movies…or doing whatever, and his phone rings. No matter who’s on the other end of the line, he announces to the person that’s he’s hanging out with you, stating your name and making it known that you’re an important part of his life. If everyone in his social circle, as well as his family, knows who you are or at least knows about you, then there’s no doubt that he talks about you quite a bit.

He’s A Good Sport, Even After Meeting Crazy Friends And Family

Meeting the friends and family of your significant other is always difficult, especially when you’re not sure how concrete your relationship is. But, if he’s willing to meet with your family and friends, and undergo being grilled and scrutinized by everyone who’s close to you, then you should realize that he wouldn’t do that for just anyone. Your man most likely loves you.

Small Grand Gestures

Again, times are hard, so not every grand gesture will involve being showered with chocolate, flowers and jewelry. But if your man does things like surprising you with evenings out, taking you to see your favorite play or movie, planning a picnic or an entire day’s activity, then you can be fairly confident that not only are you on his mind, but you’re in his heart.

Relationships Have To Be Worked Everyday.

2012-09-26T08:08:00.001-07:00

What makes a relationship work? Communication is the foundation of healthy relationship.
Most Black people go into relationship without serious reflexions...
Relationship doesn't work like that. Relationship is like our jobs, we have to work on it everyday.

Black men stop your ego of "I am the man". Black woman learn to communicate in a peaceful term.
It's time to be complementary. We cannot advance with the same mentality.

"Choosing the Right Partner for a Lasting Relationship"
When it's the question of choosing your life partner, you should make the proper decision. Whether or not your partner is right for you is undoubtedly is one of the most important decisions of your life, since your entire future depends on this.
Sometimes you are just confused as to whether you really love the person you are dating or it is mere attraction, and it is difficult to make a decision. You don't know how you can be sure that you have picked the right one?

Well, the first thing you need to do is honestly ask yourself why you love or are in love with your partner? You must understand your heart and what it says. Does your heart beat for your partner? Do you feel totally devastated when he is not around? You should know the difference between love and infatuation.

When it is spending your whole life with a person; do not go in for a blind love. Don't build a relationship upon fear, insecurity and pity. It will never last and will only give unhappiness and sorrow. Remember that if there are too many ifs and buts in a relationship, then sooner or later the relationship is bound to fail.

So the question still remains, how do you choose the right partner? Well the following are a few tips that will definitely help you understand love and help you make the important decision as to choosing the right partner.

Common Interests :
For a compatible relationship the couple should have common interests. You must have something in common with your partner in order to be able to be with him and do things together. Physically you might have great relations, but how far will that get you?

When two people have different interests, one person usually ends up sacrificing their desires for the other person in order to live a happy life, or you end up living completely separate lives. Therefore to avoid any future complications and creating ego problems it is better to always analyze your interests and desire and see whether they match.

Ambitions :
It is also necessary to preserve your individuality and make it clear that you too have a life and ambition. Women find out your partner views, does he think that women are supposed to stay at home and take care of children and his needs. But if you are an ambitious kind of a person then always find out whether your partner is comfortable with it, and is willing to support your choice too have that career you have always wanted.

Intellect :
The next thing that you have to look out for is whether your partner and your intellect match. It is very difficult to communicate with a dull or insensitive person. Ask these questions to yourself. When you talk to him, is he on the same level as you? How long does it take him to answer your question?

Do you get bored because he answers everything else under the sun rather than the question you asked him? Does he understand you when you speak? Can you really talk to him about absolutely anything? This may sound crazy but imagine living your entire life with someone who doesn't understand you and who frustrates you to no end by his speed of communication and just doesn't get it when you are trying to explain something to him?

Principles:
If you are a person who goes by principles and strictly follows them and your partner has no principles then there is bound to be problems in your relationship. You have to straighten it out before plunging into marriage."

CALLING ON BLACK MEN & WOMEN!

2012-09-19T16:16:00.001-07:00

Every race, culture and ethnicity has encountered significant struggles in the progression of their people. Where most ethnicities have managed to flourish despite the disadvantages common to minority groups; collectively Blacks have not been able to accomplish the same. Somewhere along the way, our voices were silenced and our vitality was diffused in the process of attempting to obtain our piece

of the American apple pie. In retrospect, we can follow the trail of Black people undertakings and observe how our mission for transcendence became muted and less urgent as each hardship and hindrance to success was surmounted. Seldom is it ever disputed that our momentum as a race has subsided since the days of the Civil Rights Movement. A select few may debate whether or not we are still contenders in this cultural campaign we set out to win almost a half century ago. The general consensus is that the days of transformational Black leadership have been left behind to smolder in the ashes of the revolution. Silence has replaced the utter cries of "Black Power!" heard amongst those gathered at Black Panther rallies or "We Shall Overcome" civil rights marches in Alabama and the state of Mississippi. The selfless "by any means necessary" valor that once ignited our passion to unite and conquer -- or at least "take back what the devil stole" -- of the 60s and 70s has seemingly been eradicated by egotistic attempts to acquire a portion of the American "dream." While abandoning and sometimes disowning our fellow brothers or sisters while undertaking selfish ambitions, we've failed to recognize that the formula for prosperity also includes the gallant deed of "paying it forward." I do not watch reality TV shows, or certain news channels in an attempt to shun the anti-intellectualism and misrepresented barbarism of our people displayed on these shows everyday. Why? Because it angers me that as time progresses, we seem to regress -- at least according to the media. Nevertheless, I can no longer stand up and speak against the media portrayal of our people, being that I can potentially walk the streets of the inner city and encounter those same thugs, and welfare recipients who remain content in living off the system. I find myself asking questions like: At what point will we break free from the clutches of stereotypical perceptions and realize that we keep ourselves imprisoned by remaining targets of ridicule? When will we conduct some deep soul searching and emerge as beings that look nothing like the images portrayed on television screens? When we will make liars out of mainstream media? Where are the positive Black figures that can inspire young sons and daughters to be educated, powerful and influential iconoclasts like President Obama and Oprah Winfrey? The courage that once drove Martin Luther King Jr., Maya Angelou, Angela Davis, Andrew Young, Jessie Jackson, and Nikki Giovanni can lead us to the "Promised Land." True, history proves that many of our Civil Rights leaders were either killed or thrown behind bars for standing up for a divine cause, but they still marched on. We must step up out of the inferno created by our traumatic past in order to rise like a phoenix from the ashes. I still marvel at the words of Professor Cornel West when he stated, "If you can control the minds of men, you can control their actions... our mind is the most powerful weapon we have... " Statistically speaking, how many of us are actually using our artillery to our advantage? Most of us will not pick up a book to even begin the process of equipping ourselves with the knowledge and wisdom that it takes to become successful. Instead of using the agony of our past to obtain the vigor necessary to become something other than what the world expects, Black people remain oppressed and controlled by our own misrepresented realities. Still today, we organize marches against police brutality and embark upon a revolution for social change. This amazes me, being that we have yet to stop and change our own actions. In fact, statistics of divorce, single parent homes, incarceration, teenage pregnancy, black on black crime, the spreading of AIDS/HIV epidemic, and high school dropouts, rank high among Black communities. As long as we remain angry about the deeds of others -- which by the way we cannot control -- we can never move on. Anger and force are conduits to frustration and resistance, which ultimately creates disease. The moment a prominent figure is in legal trouble or an innocent black man is gunned down for no apparent reason, an opportunist emerges to "save the day." Doesn't this contribute to the notion that we as a people need to be emancipated instead of being encouraged to become leaders and activists? It is through the empowerment of self that the resilience to avoid crippling mentalities is learned and practiced. Once we begin to change our paradigms and understand that freedom is the state of mind into which we were born, we can then begin to alter our behavior to that of affirmation and rehabilitation. We should turn our cheeks to the provocations imparted by a society that expects us to act antagonistically. We should look within for the peace we seek to obtain from others who don't have the power to give it in the first place. We should focus on finding answers and solutions to becoming a greater, mightier people. We should focus on gaining respect for ourselves rather than forcing outcomes from people who are less enthused about us rising out of poverty, lowering the percentages of incarceration and black on black crime and combating the AIDS/HIV epidemic. How can we expect others to respect us when we have very little respect for ourselves? Our focus should be education, entrepreneurship and the value of family and life, instead of trying to force America to give us something they obviously have no interest in parting with. In the words of the late great Gil Scott-Heron, "The revolution will not be televised!"

Lupe Fiasco's "Bitch Bad"

2012-09-19T16:08:00.002-07:00

I would like to share my view on this video...

The first verse of Lupe Fiasco’s “Bitch Bad” begins with a little boy listening to his mother rap along to lyrics where she refers to herself as a “bad bitch.” Lupe’s latest single and its accompanying video examines the dualities surround

ing the word “bitch”; namely, it’s a word that can be viewed by some as damaging to women, yet also a word that is held up by some as a feminine ideal. In the video the video vixen has accepted the title of “bitch” as being something to be proud of, and an ideal that she attempts to live up to by rocking a pink wig, short shorts and removable breast enhancements. Little boys pack the theater seats to watch the faux gangster with his rolled blunt underneath a blue bandana accompanied by a gun to give credence to his street cred. The kids idolize him because he has a “bad bitch.” Only they are too adolescent to understand the way the entertainment they’re exposed to as kids may eventually shape their realities.
Young girls watch those same videos but instead emulate the video vixen. Now they’ve formed a perception that being a “bad bitch” is somehow good because the pretty woman gets the man with the flashy jewelry and money. Again, the young girls’ underdeveloped minds don’t understand the video vixen is a paid model, one that is being paid (albeit probably not very well) to perform. Filling the theater with impressionable children proves the point that the message is marketed to the youth, and they’re the ones that become adults with a warped perception of respect for themselves and each other.
This brings us to the final act of the story, where Lupe parallels modern day black entertainment to historical blackface, tap dancing and performances blacks once participated in for the enjoyment of white audiences, which reinforced negative stereotypes. A girl and a boy who were subjected to the “bad bitches” imagery as youth are all grown up. As a woman, she believes being a bad bitch is a compliment. As for him, well, he associates nothing good with bitches. In the background, caricatures of Sambo, blacks tap dancing and the video model/rapper in blackface plays repeatedly. The video vixen/rapper struggle with the images they’ve just presented to the world for money.
The allegory in the Gil Green directed video symbolizes new age minstrel shows. Beyond tackling the perception of bitch being good or bad, which is subjective, Lupe points out the ideal of black entertainers pimping themselves through reinforcing stereotypes all for a buck, or in this case, millions of bucks. One would have to understand history to comprehend what he did here. If you’ve seen Spike Lee’s Bamboozled, you’ll immediately recognize the similarities. Frankly, it’s probably one of the most important videos of the year. Because whether you consider “bitch” empowering or degrading, there is something to ponder on: What’s the message being ingrained in children, all for the sake of entertainment?

You watch and share your thoughts....

Ten Things Intelligent Black Men Love About Women Other Than Looks

2012-09-16T20:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, ladies … black men are like other men in that we are simple creatures. We see with the eyes and are impacted by your physical being first. You were created in such a way as to be attractive to us.

But once we get past the initial physical attraction, there are attributes and intangibles that we cannot see with the naked eye — characteristics which are far more important — that help to create those lasting emotional bonds. Intelligent men discern these things in you and make it a priority to honor and protect it.

Here are the 10 things that smart black men love about and find attractive in women outside of your physical composition.

Confidence: They don’t need to proclaim it from center stage at Summer Jam. They don’t need to offer unsolicited criticism and judgments about what others are doing, what they’re wearing, or who they’re with. Confident people don’t snoop or question every opposite sex friend. Confident people embrace both their strengths and weaknesses. They’re concerned with controlling what’s in their power, not what’s outside of it. That’s sexy.

Intelligence: Intelligence is not just based on scholastic achievement. Being able to engage in a wide variety of conversations that don’t center on yourself is a very attractive quality and makes you seem worldly and concerned about others. That is sexy in and of itself.

Faith: Don’t let the small-minded fool you. Men are attracted to a woman who is grounded in spirituality and uses faith as a moral compass to guide her.

Inspiring: Women who are classy, optimistic and can inspire others are viewed like gold. Every encounter this reporter has had with the eminent Susan L. Taylor, who is a prime example, has left me awed and humbled.

Passion: Passion isn’t only infectious, it’s sexy. Men love hearing women speak passionately about the things and people they love (unless it’s about the ex they haven’t gotten over) and their dreams. Passion inspires.

Sense of Humor: Women who lough the laugh, who possess sharp wit and can find humor in the most mundane or troubling of circumstances are, like the women who inspire, become the superstars of offices and are favorites of families and friends. This is an invaluable intangible that men find irresistible.

Generosity: Want to attract a man and inspire love from him? Be the opposite of Kim Kardashian and be generous with your time, resources and efforts. This is tricky, however, because women must be discerning about who she is giving of herself to.

Nurturing: Offering kind words for no reason. Proving a compliment on the regular. Giving a back rub without being asked. Helping your man and others without having to receive credit. Building up the man when others question or impugn him. Trust and believe that a man will never forget it.

Voice: We love your voice, the textures, the inflections (when you’re not angry) and the the things you have to say and, best of all, the way you say it.

Purity: We love the wholesomeness that many sisters exhibit, along with the fact that many can discern redeemable qualities in even the most repellent people.

Stop Making Excuses For A Man And His Behavior!.

2012-09-12T08:45:00.002-07:00

Having a nice little convo with my lilttle sis from the old hood so i decided to post this. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

WOMAN HAVE TO STOP MAKING IT EASY FOR MALES I SAY MALES CAUSE MEN ALREADY KNOW THIS, and females dont care cause they following males so this is for the good Woman.

Allow your intuition to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be
Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or has a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships... There is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...
A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complementary... Not supplementary.
Dating is fun... Even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. I said DATING NOT SEX!
When a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need!

Black Men Expect Too Much From Black Women

2012-09-10T19:45:00.001-07:00

I want to share my observation with Black women. I've come to the conclusion that some Black men expect far too much from Black women. Way more than they are willing to give themselves. This is not all men, but a lagre percent. The problem stems from the idea that Black women are expected to fill many roles. They are expected to be a homemaker, breadwinner, lover, counselor, be mentally advanced, but not so advanced that it makes men uncomfortable. They are also expected to understand men's needs and to be able to find an appropriate way of approching them about it without harming men's egos. All in a day's work right? Come on Fellas really? I guess it depends on the black man and what he is willing to give. Unfortunately there are Black men who feel a sense of undeserved entitlement. They that they should be able to do minimal and receive the maximum.

Most men do not think they have to be loyal, work hard in a relationship, give all of themselves to a woman or even share any real emotional connection with her. The funny thing is while they indulge in the feelings of being entitled they also are subject to the media/ slave mentality that convinces them that black women are subpar. Many men roll with it and this leads them to compare Black women to women of other races and place these other women on pedestals. When Black women do not measure up to men ideas of physical beauty or what they perceive a woman of worth should be it only pushes them away more, So not only do Black men enter into situations with women with unrealistic and sometimes self-centenerd expectations, Black men also have preconditioned judgments towards Black women VS women of other cultures.

What they do not understand is that it's a trick. Ideologies like these were put in place to futher tear the Black family unit apart. The idea that man should be able to give when he decides he wants to give but expect that his woman should come to him with open heart and mind only places more strain between Black men and women. Not to mention it is extremely self-centered and child like. This unbalanced relationship causes women to feel unappreciated and yearn for reciprocity. Once the need for reciprocity is not filled she becomes confused. Most women begin to think "what is it that she is doing wrong?" " why am I not good enough?" Then the ultimate emotions anger and resentment. Thinking that what she gave was obviously never good enough and she was never reciprocated and often deemed to be 2nd best. It becomes a vicious cycle for many.

I have no answer but this I do know. Possibly solving this would be that the level of self-centeredness from Black men has to decrease. Fellas you can not expect so much and give so little. We must put our egos at bay. 2nd, Black people as a whole allow media to influence how we interact with each other entirely too much. Some where down the line we have allowed what they deemed to be beautiful and precious to influence how we treat each other and our relationships with one another.
This is just my observation about an issue between Black men and women that is going on way too long at this rate will still exist long after I am gone if we don't get it together.

Why Men Cheat?

2012-08-23T22:36:00.000-07:00

So a woman ask me today at work why men can't stop cheating.
Well there are never ending reasons but here are my top five reasons I gave her.

1. Some men cheat, because they just wanna see if they can get away with it. Yes, you heard me right. Men like playing games more than women.

2. Men also cheat, because they're not used to being in an exclusive relationship, and they ge

t way too bored with the same woman. Being surrounded by one woman all day everyday is not exciting.

3. Other men cheat just to get attention from their girlfriends. These are the "momma boys" who is used to being spoiled all their lives, and when they don't get the attention they want, they go out and look for someone that will.

4. Sometimes women can be pretty annoying, and a pest. That's why most men cheat. No one likes to be nagged. Just to get away, and be with someone whose totally opposite is a relief. That's no excuse but it's true! I know that's retarded but hey we are retarded like that at times.

5. Ladies I hate to say it, but the the older you get the less desirable you are to men. You may be a knock out 35 year old, but it's something about having a young beautiful 23 year old hottie by their side. You know what they say. "It makes us feel young again" yup that's another retarded man thing.

So those are my 5 reasons men cheat. Like I said the list can go on, but do you wanna dwell on those idiots? There are men out there that has no intentions on cheating, and just looking for that special one to settle down with, and start a family. So, ladies please go with your first intuition, and go with the man that you feel is right for you. If he messes up, he's out the door. POW!!
Its really that simple.

All things women need to know about men

2012-08-22T20:00:00.000-07:00

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be
Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then hell no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or has a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships... There is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...
A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complementary... Not supplementary.
Dating is fun... Even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. I said DATING NOT SEX!
When a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need

She Put Our Race On her Back!

2012-08-02T08:51:00.000-07:00

The black woman has kept the family together

and held us together through the Impossible ,She has seen her man The black man stripped of his diginity and of his manhood during the day's of slavery,she has watched the black man suffer fro

m pain and misery of bieng broken to crawling to standing and walking in the 60's to being men,She was there to help and be the backbone of the struggle,When we got our jobs we became head of the household and held our own when we lost our jobs depression wont leave us alone ,

We want to degrade our women ,Pimp our women, Let our women swing from poles and be street corner hoes? What have we done black men? We need to honor our women, Cherish our women, Love our woman ! And women you need to get back that steel spine to keep us in GOD'S divine,We need you black woman I know you can do bad by yourself but with love and devotion together we can build wealth ,

The black man will never be replaced with a grown womans toy,We went half on a baby not a plastic device,Its time to man up and do whats right,And even though your spine is made of titianium steel, It can be bent but not broken if the love is real,Our family structure is complex and challenging so what if I'm not the baby daddy? If the child needs ass whoopin then handle it' A man has to do what he supposed to do bring home the bacon, If wifey making more than you that's love and admiration,

We need you black woman,We need your steel spine to interchange with ours, We need your touch because love mean so much ,We need you to be the queen to fufill your dreams,We need you in our lives to make everything al right,Dont give up on us black woman we lost our way ,We know your the only one who will accept our collect calls When we go to the pen ,You will be the only one at the hospital when we have bullets in our bodies,Your the only one to make sure our kids have food to eat,Your the only one to stand up for us when we are beat down from depression Black woman please forgive us.

We forgot how to love ourselves,How to treat ourselves, How to be all we can be and how to forgive the past and move forward with dignity and pride , You have been holding it down for too long ,It's our turn now, To have the steel spine and rebuild our families and rebuild our friendships and our communities, We love you black woman, We love you and we thank you GOD willing, We will take our rightful place as kings.

Ego Has No Place in Relationships & Marriage

2012-07-22T08:16:00.000-07:00

Allowing the needs of another to take precedence doesn't make you a wimp. It's affirming the supremacy of the marriage over the individual.
Men have mistaken and have an prevalent notion that we are somehow a wimp if we aren't constantly asserting our rights and needs. On the contrary. It takes real strength of character to step back, to concede, to defer, to allow the needs of another to take precedence. It requires security and clarity not to be threatened by this attitude and to instead take pleasure in the giving.
EGO HAS NO PLACE IN RELATIONSHIPS, OR MARRIAGE!
If you want to be treated like a King then stop acting like a Prince and at times a court jester.

Call To My Queens!

2012-06-27T21:16:00.000-07:00

Sisters, you must think deeply about the way of your ancestors. Those of ancient Nubia, Kemet and the rest of your motherland surpassed all others in their wisdom and humanity. They are the ones who warned us about committing treason against the culture and tradition that make us African, lest we destroy ourselves.
Remember, there is no separation of the past and present, no divide between our his

torical interpretation and contemporary reality.
Only when we are taught that the new is always better than the old are we misled into believing that what has happened to us is not connected to what is happening, and will happen, to us if we do not rise as a people. Only in a world where we believe we can run away from ourselves, from our people, from our truth, can we accept that a people’s story has no bearing on the awareness, condition and possibilities of its individuals. Sisters, you must know that you are one with our past. And you must know that your greatest stories and traditions lie far beyond these shores in both time and space. But, more importantly, you must know that your being conscious of these two facts is vital to our survival as a people. You are the new vanguard, our people’s healers.
Your story is a phenomenal record of African women. No other women have been so loved, coveted and envied for their strength and elegance. Their lineage determined whether a man could be pharaoh. The world’s first divinities were female. The world’s first female doctor, Preshet, who was a “chief” physician, was a Kemetic woman. The world’s first ruler of an empire, Hatshepsut, was a Kemetic woman. The warrior who, even after Europeans tried to break her spirit by kidnapping, torturing and beheading her sister, relentlessly led the Angolan armies in a fight against the enslavement of Africans and the Portuguese onslaught for four decades, a woman so feared by her white enemies that she was called “The Black Terror, “was a queen named Nzingha. The warrior queen named Sarraounia militarily defended her people against Islamic invasion at a time when states all around her were submitting to this forced conversion and relinquishing their African spiritual traditions. Queen Candace led her troops in battle against the invading forces of Augustus Caesar. The remains of the world’s oldest human belonged to an African woman named Amargi (misnamed “Lucy”). The list of your accomplishments on the Continent alone is endless. Many are the names and deeds we will never know but can surmise because we know African women. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that your ancestral mothers’ social position as equals with your ancestral fathers led other people’s men, afraid to lose their patriarchal privilege, to suppress and brutalize their women to keep them from aspiring to what African men accepted as normal for African women.
In being themselves, ancestral African women had no difficulty taking up arms with their men against invaders. On the Continent, they commanded armies, served as guards, spies, guerrillas, foot soldiers, and archers. They became responsible for keeping the oratorical record when the men were carted off to slave on plantations and mines.
On the Kemetic Ocean, during the Middle Passage, they did no less. They were the eyes and ears of our revolts. They dealt with our enemy as their men did.
Enslaved or quasi-free in the western hemisphere and elsewhere, they did no less. Time and time again, they conducted enslaved Africans out of physical bondage. Harriet Tubman, in looking back over her life and thinking about the hundreds of Africans she had freed from the physical bonds of our enslavement, reflected on how she “could have freed thousands more if they only knew they were slaves.” Sojourner Truth, making the point that African women did the work that supposedly only men were capable of, refused to accept being defined down to the level of European females. Her cogent question of “Ain’t I a Woman?” still rings as a wake up call in our ears.
Standing tall alongside the likes of Ida B. Wells, Mary McLeod Bethune and Fannie Lou Hamer, they withstood insults, taunts, water hoses, dogs and bullets. They spoke truth, regardless of consequences. They more than earned the honor of being named “first teacher” and nurturer.”
These various acts made them neither less than nor more like men. None of these responsibilities negated or confused their womanhood. They defined it.
You are the daughters of these incredible mothers who gave birth to humanity, to cultivation, to civilization. You are the inheritors of a legacy beyond the imagination of most.
So, sisters, you must recognize whom you are in order to see and begin to fulfill your responsibility as a woman of Africa. Only a clear understanding of our story through our people’s eyes permits this. Any other interpretation, anything less, fosters confusion.
Simply because you are being exposed to our story you are very privileged. And privilege carries responsibility. With it, you accept the difficult and humbling task of learning and teaching others so that your generation’s liberating mission can be fulfilled and correctly passed on to future generations. It is because of your privilege that you have an undeniable responsibility to your ancestors, those around you, and those yet to come.
There is nothing so powerful as a sister who knows who she is, who stands proudly on the shoulders of her ancestors because she knows she is the culmination of their wisdom and spirit. Nothing is more beautiful than a woman warrior in training who has studied her own before and above all others, and interprets reality and society out of that truth first.
I honor you, my warrior sisters, because of your power, beauty and privilege. I charge you with the mission of helping our people empower ourselves, of giving us the choice of walking the way of our greatest ancestors.
To help fulfill this mission, allow me to act in the role of father who, in the tradition of our ancestors, is every responsible man in the community. Let me pass on my wisdom, common sense, and expectations of what you should do, be and not ignore in this callous, corrupt, predatory world.
First, seek out a higher education, not a higher miseducation. Exercise your mind to its fullest extent. Like a muscle, it is strengthened and honed through more, intense exercise. Thinking is the mind’s exercise. Search for problems, which will challenge it to explore deeper, higher solutions. Knowing that “can’t died before you were born” and that nothing that you can visualize is impossible, find and work with all your power toward solving your people’s problems. Know that some will say, “You can do anything,” but will contradict themselves by saying “This particular dream of yours, this dream of building an African world, is impossible.” Nothing on this earth could be more gratifying and empowering than helping to liberate our people. A powerful people make for more powerful individuals. Higher education, wherever you are at intellectually, is the key to this mental liberation.
Despite having dropped out of school, barely in the eighth grade, returning only after many years of street life, and mindless play, I have committed myself to ReAfrikanization and nation building. I know that I am not smarter, more intelligent or more powerful than you. I know that you ancestors’ brilliance and resilience flows in your veins. So you are capable of equaling and surpassing my work and that of all your elders.
Know that when we are speaking of higher education we are not talking about credentials or classrooms. We all know idiots with PhDs; we all know “geniuses” that could not punch their way out of a paper bag because they lack common sense; we all know honor students who could memorize chapters and books of information but could not think. Credentials and classrooms are useless unless they lead us toward consciously applying knowledge to improve the quality of our community. For us, education is significant when it is constructively applied by self-determining African warrior scholars toward their people’s empowerment. Only fools with a genocidal death wish nurture and protect others before their own family. Our family should be the model we have provided for others to follow, not a joke for others’ entertainment. If you want the reputation of a warrior scholar, then don’t run from the challenges of intellectual warfare. Be African!
Second, think about the consequences of your sexual behavior, first. The advice here is simple. Don’t be drawn into sexual relations without having a mature, clearly defined plan for the birth and rearing of African children. Do not engage in sexual behavior that is not reproductive, because you assume that it will not lead to disease, or sexual activity that leads to reproduction. Do not rush. Always think. And while thinking, bear in mind the fact that most males raised within the western cultural context see females as sexual prey and toys however kind their intent, however lovingly conveyed or oblivious they may be to their own predation because they have fallen for their own confusion that every female is “the one.” If they “love” you, they can wait. As the elders constantly remind us, “It’s not going anywhere.”
Third, understand the purpose of dating. You are searching for a complement. You are trying to locate someone who will work with you to build family, community, and nation. You are not playing a game of sexual roulette. Neither are you, a “piece” on display in a meat market. Alexandra Dumas was right. “A man’s mind is elevated to the status of the women he associates with.”
That being the case, there are things you must know before you make any serious decisions. In this world, if approached with eyes open, dating can help you get at these answers. You need to know, what is he now doing in preparation to be what he says he wants to be? Is there clear evidence of his vision in his work? Does he love himself and his people? Does he have a sense of humor? How well does he recover when he stumbles or falls? Does he lie? Steal? Not see lying or stealing wrong when others do it? Can he admit mistakes? How does he handle them? Are his gifts to you superficial, popular trinkets (regardless of monetary value) or is the bulk of his giving based on what you need, without you having to ask for it? Does he care about your health (does he care about what high heels do to your feet and spine, that tight clothes and underwear cause health problems like poor circulation, yeast infection and worse)? Does he really, truly care about your mental and physical well-being? Does he protect his responsibilities with more than his mouth? When in your company, does he scan the environment looking for potential dangers, or is he always so engrossed in your attire/body (or other females’ attire/bodies) or his conversation that threats go unnoticed? Does he know any of our stories? Does he read anything of substance? Is he what you would want your sons to be like? Spend some time getting these answers in what he does more than what he says. And do not expect to change him if the answers you get are less than what you might expect. Look elsewhere. In their hearts, individuals are who they are. Find someone worth you.
Fourth, never marry a man who is not your friend. And friendship does not evolve in a few days, weeks or months. Sometimes it requires years to develop friendships that are deep enough to truly know a person.
Talk to elder couples you respect about friendship and marriage. Find those common threads among these complements that have enabled them to endure the struggle of marriage together. Take their advice on relationships seriously.
Above all, know that marriage is work, hard work. It takes hard work to build anything worthwhile. Marriage is compromise and patience. It does not come easy but is well worth every emotional penny invested. And remember that time is the greatest predictor of success. The more time you invest into something, the better the outcome/product and the larger the reward.
Fifth, you are what you eat, just as you are what you think. Work to replenish what you most need. And, the best indicator of what you most need is what you most are. Humans are about 75 percent water (interestingly, the same percent of this planet’s surface is covered by water). Drink water and follow healthy diets.
Remember, your temple comes first. If you seriously care about your body, read Queen Afua’s Heal Thyself and Sacred Woman, Llaila O. Afrika’s African holistic Health and Nutricide and Jethro Kloss’ Back to Eden.
Sixth, stay as far away from drugs and alcohol as is humanly possible. If elders are here to teach the youth so that they will not make our same mistakes, then let the wisdom gained from my experience be your lesson. Twenty plus years in the streets and substantial amount of dollars wasted on partying; and women have taught me that only you can free your mind. Nothing artificial will help you feel, measure and channel you’re given power to your and our benefit. Do not bring the enemy within because, once in, it may never leave.
Seventh, know thyself. Deeply study your story to know who you are. Our ancestors warned us that, “if you don’t know who you are, any history will do.” Being the culmination of all the Africans in your bloodline who came before you, in order to understand who you are, you must understand who they were. Sisters, do not fall for the amalgamationist, subintegrationist hype of a supremacist people desperate for security in the midst of those they have systematically sought to destroy. All people chose their ancestors. Only the names of those deserving remembrance should be called. Rape, under any physical or psychological conditions, automatically disqualifies one from ancestral status. There should be no statute on limitations of either rape or murder. And, if there is, there shouldn’t be. Africans have no European ancestors.
And last, but definitely not least, be your spiritual self. Know your ancestors. Call on them for guidance, protection and power. Feel your power in spirit, and do not mindlessly submit to the deadening dogma of religion. Know and live by the principles of Ma’at, i.e., truth, justice, righteousness, order, balance, reciprocity and harmony (all the while remaining mindful that everyone around is not African). Do not see them as words you just perfunctorily mumble. And allow the truth to fully manifest in what you think, say and do. Be the African your ancestors meant for you to be.

Five Deadly Dating Patterns Men Have.

2012-06-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

1. The savior
He is a super-duper caretaker, a Mr. Fix-It who tries to be romantic too. Your happiness is his happiness — so he seems clingy and smothering.

2. The coward
He is afraid of honest straight talk and very afraid of conflict. If differences come up he pulls away and prefers to communicate by e-mail or texts.

3.The super romantic flame-out

He is totally on your wavelength and crazy about you from the very first e-mail or glance at your photo. Chances are he is a serial monogamist who has brief periods of being in mad, passionate love with you, then the next, and the next one, following the path of chemistry, wherever it may lead.
4. The grass-is-greener type
He has a hard time making up his mind, like he is never sure that the job he has is really the best one for him. Online dating has made this pattern very common. Because there is such a smorgasbord of women, men with this inclination are constantly looking to see whether they can do better.
5. The slacker
He has grand dreams and plans that have been just over the horizon for years. He may be cute and engaging as he passionately describes all that he is going to do. But this is the guy who consistently shoots himself in the foot so that he misses the finish line. He didn’t finish anything — not his degree, his new Web site, his new book, project or the very deal that will get him ahead.

Black Men-Stop Contributing To The Disrespecting Of Black Women.

2012-05-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

One of the things that really sad to me in terms of the disrespect leveled at African-American women is how quickly Black men pile on.
And sadly, the people leading the charge are Black men.News flash Gentlmen, you're disrespecting the mothers of civilization when you do so. You are also breathing air on this planet because you were

conceived, carried to term in her womb and given birth to by a Black woman. You better recognize and respect that fact.
Black women take enough crap from society being compared to a vanilla beauty standard that wasn't designed or created with us in mind. The last people on this planet that need to be joining in on the attacking of Black womanhood, and using insults to do so is Black men!

Women before you are crying.

2012-04-08T10:57:00.000-07:00

I understand women needing to do what they need to. But my question is it worth your selfrespect, and disrespect of the women before you who died for you not to be showcased like meat or less than human! To ME this pic says after what our w

omen went through then, why would you put yourself out there. Yes women were forced to be sold and women now sell their self for more than just money, fame, drugs etc...I want to see our women be proud and stop selling yourself short for a easy way out!