Taking It One Step at a Time

Chilly Mornings

2012-08-30T17:49:00.001-04:00

Chilly mornings make me happy.

Especially in August. Even more especially after the hottest summer I can remember in a long time.

(*sidenote – I am in no way complaining about the heat, sun, wonderfulness that was this summer…yes, I know snow is coming…yes I know I’ll complain about that eventually. Put your pitchforks away.)

As I walked the three blocks to my office wearing my cute little khaki jacket I recalled some of my favorite summer memories.

Taking Keagan to the beach and urging him to make friends with the little girl next to us that was building sand castle by herself.

Sharing a bottle of wine with Randy overlooking Glenora’s vineyard on our anniversary.

Watching our cousin get married in what may have been one of the most beautiful wedding’s ever.

Seeing our son, covered head to toe in dust, ice cream and happiness at the State Fair with his Grandmother, Uncle and cousins.

Exploring Atlanta with some of the most amazing women I’ve ever had the opportunity to meet. Along with Bloody Mary’s and an airport wine get together.

We had a pretty great summer and I wouldn’t change a thing.

But even knowing that this summer was probably one of the best …I am still looking forward to all that is in store for us this fall.

Coming Home

2012-08-07T20:29:00.002-04:00

This summer has been insanely hot.

Our grass is all brown.

My flowers are all dead.

Even the hosta, that I used to swear would make it through a nuclear attack are on their last leg.

Hot weather in our household generally means air conditioning at night and little to no snuggling for fear of being stifled by the mere touch of each other. Even Skittles refuses to get on the bed with us, it’s that hot.

Last night though? Last night we had some relief. The temperature finally dropped below the 900 degree mark and as we rushed around the house throwing open the windows I had a smile on my face just knowing what a fantastic night of sleep we were going to get.

It didn’t take long for Randy and I to find each other and curl into one another like we haven’t done in so many weeks. It was like coming home.

Time to Say Hello...

2012-08-01T05:00:00.000-04:00

Today I am going to meet my friends.

These aren’t new friends.

These are old friends.

The kind of friends that you giggle with over a glass of wine. The kind of friends that you can vent to and celebrate with when it seems like no one else would even get why you are venting and celebrating to begin with.

And I’m meeting them for the first time today.

Today when I land in Atlanta to start four days of Celebrating, Encouraging and Rewarding at the Thirty-One Gifts 2012 National Conference I not only will be starting a journey that just a year ago I didn’t even imagine possible…but I’ll also be meeting one of the most amazing groups of women I have ever had the pleasure of sharing ideas with, pushing to be our very best and encouraging each other on a daily basis.

Today I am going to meet my friends, and I can hardly contain my excitement.

Changes

2012-07-26T17:45:00.002-04:00

Today is gone. Today was fun.
Tomorrow is another one.
Every day, from here to there.
funny things are everywhere. ~ Dr. Seuss

So Keagan is three years old.

It’s been an interesting three years. When people say “your life will change forever,” I don’t think I ever really took that to mean…well anything. I thought it was one of those things people say like “cherish these moments,” and “wow, great Crocs!” You know; meaningless and (sometimes) outright lies.

But this? This wasn’t one of those things.

From the very day that the second pink line shows up your life changes.

And not just in the “darn I can’t have wine for NINE FREAKIN’ MONTHS!!” way either.

No, lots of changes. They start off small, kind of sneak up on you.

Like your bed time changing from 11pm to 830pm…earlier on school nights.

Or the fact that while you still carry a huge purse, now it’s filled with Capri Suns and Goldfish instead of a change of clothes for Happy Hour.

And remember those nights after work where you could come home, lounge on the couch and watch 90210 reruns while sipping a glass of wine?

Yeah, about that. Now it’s more likely that you’re dashing home just in time to grab the midget who is dressed in his karate gear and head right back out the door to make the 545pm class that is waaaaaaaaaaaay across town all while fielding “why?” questions and attempting not to bash your head into the steering wheel should you have to say “because I said so!” one more time.

::sigh::

Not all the changes are bad though. Especially since the little guy is changing right along with us. We used to be able to snuggle with him on our lap quite comfortably while we chose a book to read to him before laying him down in his crib.

Now he picks the books. His current favorite is One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish by Dr. Seuss. And the chair has gotten quite tight with the two of us in it. But every night one of us reads to him. And every night he changes up which page is his favorite page. And every night he changes which stuffed animals he wants to sleep with.

And every night I change my best night ever to that night right here, right now.

The First Kiss

2011-08-31T05:40:00.000-04:00

Yesterday while driving home I was struck with a memory or something that I hadn't thought of in a very long time.

Randy and I met my sophomore year of college. I was full out having fun with my girlfriends, not a care in the world other than deciding who was going to be our designated driver for the evening. When he called me to ask me to a party a friend of his was throwing, I wasn't really expecting it to be more than a fun evening, a couple of laughs and some smooching.

Then it all changed.

I still see it perfectly. We were sitting at the tall table over in the corner. He looked me right in the eyes, leaned in and kissed me so gently. The room around us disappeared, the DJ was gone, there was no one else in the world except for he and I. To be as cliched as possible, the world stopped and fireworks went off.

The first kiss is something we all look forward to. It is so highly anticipated that more often than not it falls flat, leaves us wondering what went wrong. Not ours though. Our first kiss left me wanting more.

Sitting in traffic on my way home, reliving this moment, I was once again sitting at that tall table. I was feeling the rapid fire emotions of happiness, amazement, terror and joy. I was reminded of one of the many reasons why we are together and why we love each other so very much.

I don't know what sparked that memory...but I'm so glad I have it.

One

2011-08-30T05:57:00.000-04:00

Many of you that know me are aware that Randy and I have always said we were a "one and done" family. When we found out I was pregnant with Keagan we staunchly reported that this was it, unless there are twins in there, this is the only child we will have.

As several of my friends can attest, my resolve weakens every now and then. Like when a bottle (or 3) of pinot grigio is involved. Or we meet a new little bundle that our friends have blessed the world with. Or on a Tuesday.

My most recent weakening occurred last week when a dear friend of mine announced she was pregnant with her second child. Miranda and I were pregnant together the first time. We compared notes on our exhaustion, our ridiculous hunger pains and of course our long-lost love of wine. We welcomed our sons just a few weeks apart from one another (both giving birth to toddlers nonetheless). We've gone through the infant stages, the "OMGWTFAMISUPPOSEDTODOHEWON'TSLEEP" stages, the toddler stages. Together.

Seeing that my friend, a woman that I've never "met" but that I've shared so much with was pregnant brought tears to my eyes and gave me goosebumps. I was so happy, so elated for her. Enter the resolve weakening, stage left.

I started thinking about another child in our lives. A little brother or sister for our little man. Another little son or daughter in our family. It was a nice picture...a really nice picture.

I know that we will probably never have another child. Not because we don't have enough love for another child. Not because we couldn't afford another child (though to convince Randy of that may be another story). And most days I'm ok with that. But that picture in my head? It's a good one.

Then my son comes around the corner, just looking to give me a hug. Or runs up to me before dropping him off at day care demanding "one more kiss." Or says in his little man voice "I lub you." It makes me realize, yes, another child in our life would be nice...but the one I have now? He's pretty darn perfect.

Lasagna Soup

2011-08-29T05:59:00.000-04:00

Yes, I realize that it is still officially Summer. But what you have to realize that since my new found love of Pinterest, Fall is all I have been able to think about {and boots, and beautiful orange trench coats, and caramel frappucino cupcakes...}

Wait, where was I?

Oh yeah, soup.

So I'm perusing my new all-time favorite site In.The.World. when I stumble across this yummy deliciousness.

Dude. Cheesy yumminess? Fire roasted tomatoes? Yes please.

Imagine my happiness when our Sunday forecast was pretty close to perfection for giving this recipe a try.

I did modify it a bit from the original but it was an all around WOW at our table. I hope you enjoy it too!

Lasagna Soup

Soup:
2 tsp. olive oil
1-1/2 lbs. Italian sausage
3 c. chopped onions
4 garlic cloves, minced
2 tsp. dried oregano
1/2 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes
2 T. tomato paste
1 14-oz. can fire roasted diced tomatoes
1 14-oz. can garlic and onion dice tomatoes
2 bay leaves
6 c. chicken stock (I used bouillon)
8 oz. bowtie pasta (or Keagan was calling them - the butterflies)
1/2 c. finely chopped fresh basil leaves
salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Cheesy yumminess:
8 oz. ricotta
1/2 c. grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 tsp. salt
pinch of freshly ground pepper

2 c. shredded mozzarella cheese

Heat olive oil in a large pot over medium heat. Add garlic and let simmer for 30 seconds or until fragrant. Add onion and cook until soft, about 4 minutes. Add sausage, and brown for about 5 minutes. Add oregano and red pepper flakes, cook for 1 minute. Add tomato paste and stir well to incorporate. Cook for 3 to 4 minutes, or until the tomato paste turns a rusty brown color.

In your crockpot add chicken stock, diced tomatoes, bay leaves, stir to combine. Stir in basil and season to taste with salt and freshly ground black pepper.

Once sausage is done, drain and add to crockpot.

Cook on high for 3 hours.

In the meantime, prepare the cheesy yumminess. In a small bowl, combine the ricotta, Parmesan, salt, and pepper. Refrigerate until ready to eat.

About 10 minutes before dinner time, boil water and cook your pasta to al dente.

To serve, place a dollop of the cheesy yum in each soup bowl, sprinkle some of the mozzarella on top, add your pasta and ladle the hot soup over the cheese.

Serve with crusty Italian bread.

A World With More Birthdays

2011-08-16T06:08:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago I had a scare. A scare that every woman fears, a scare that every woman prays never happens to her.

Luckily for me this scare was benign.

But for many women, this fear is real, this threat is real. It is because of my experience, and the experience of those women that are living with Breast Cancer that I am joining forces with the American Cancer Society and Making Strides Against Breast Cancer on October 2nd.

Every day, the Society is helping people stay well by helping them take steps to reduce their risk of breast cancer or find it early, when it is easiest to treat; helping people get well with information, day-to-day help, and emotional support to guide them through every step of a breast cancer experience; by finding cures and promising new treatments through funding and conducting research; and by fighting back by working with lawmakers to help all women get access to screenings and care. (The American Cancer Society, 2011)

I urge you all to find a Making Strides Event near you. A world with less breast cancer and more birthdays. What a wonderful world.

Like to sponsor me? Click on the above badge for a link to our team page. Every little bit helps.

Where You At?

2011-08-06T10:16:00.000-04:00

I'm over at my soul sister Miranda's from Not Super...Just Mom guest blogging while she's kicking up her Sparklecorn heels at Blogher!

Check it out, leave some love!

Also, don't forget to enter the giveaway closing tonight!

If Only He'd Asked For Directions

2011-08-05T05:45:00.000-04:00

Early, early, EARLY this morning my super-sonic mommy hearing was activated. I could hear my little man whimpering. Then calling for me. Then starting to cry.

So I went into his room, prepared for a VERY long morning to find my little man curled into a ball at the bottom of his bed.

He looks at me and says "Mommy, where's my blankie?"

I ask him if he wants to lay down...but it soon becomes apparent why he's at the bottom of the bed.

He's lost and can't find the pillow.

Kid totally has my sense of direction.

Sail Away With Me...

2011-08-03T06:08:00.001-04:00

****GIVEAWAY CLOSED - Congratulations Gina! Email me your contact info at TakingItOneStep@gmail.com!***

It's GIVEAWAY time!

As many of you know I'm a Thirty-One Gifts Independent Consultant. Thirty-One Gifts is an amazing company focused on celebrating, encouraging and rewarding women through offering quality products and an outstanding opportunity to become successful.

And did I mention how ridiculously cute?

As a kick-off of the New Fall Catalog and a soon-to-be send off of Summer, I'm giving one lucky reader this Sailboat Icon Coin Purse! With zipper closure and lobster claw clip it is the perfect addition to any beach bag or lunch tote.

How do you win? It's EASY!

Go check out our Fall Catalog and come back to tell me

what your favorite product is and how you would use it.

That's it!

Contest will be opened through Saturday August 6th at 11:59pm. Winner will be announced Sunday! Good luck!

Yesterday.

2011-08-02T06:11:00.000-04:00

For about a week or so I've been meaning to call my Dr.

Obviously, since I waited an entire week I didn't feel like it was that big of a deal, but I finally remembered to do it yesterday.

And they wanted me to come in immediately.

Yesterday I sat in a waiting room while listening to them scramble around, trying to figure out why their computers weren't working. I sat there and worried that this was going to take longer than my allotted hour lunch.

Yesterday they sent me for a sonogram. They were worried that it may be something more. I drove over to the clinic worried what I was going to tell my manager.

I sat there and waited. I sat there and worried. I worried about who was checking my files, whether or not our client needed something and I wasn't there to handle it.

Yesterday I had a Doctor say "We don't know what it is, we need more tests."

I sat there in my gown. And I worried. Only now I wasn't worried about my job and what was or was not happening in my absence. I was worried about my little boy and what would happen if this went from "We don't know..." to "I'm so sorry..." I worried about my husband and what would happen to if this changed our life from happiness to heartbreak. I worried about my family and what would happen if...

Yesterday I did a lot of worrying, a lot of thinking.

Now I'm focused on today.

It's Things Like This That Make Me Smile

2011-07-25T20:42:00.000-04:00

A few days ago I was ~~stalking~~ perusing Facebook land when I came across a status update from a girl I was friends with in high school {she also coincidentally lives down the street from me, but that's a whole other story}.

She was thanking those that had helped her recently collect gently used formal gowns that she would be bringing down to North Carolina in a few days. These gowns are intended for girls ages 13 - 21 that are patients at Levine Children's Hospital. These gowns are intended for children that are sick. These gowns are intended for those that may never be able to attend a "real" prom.

Instantly I wanted to know more information. My friend shared with me The Sandbox, an organization focused on serving the individuals and families that are facing challenging circumstances and obstacles in their lives, both emotionally and financially due to terminal disease and/or circumstance. One of their current projects was that of The 1st Annual Evening of Stars - a Prom for the children who are patients at Levine Children's Hospital.

So I went downstairs and dragged out my prom dress. I dragged out my bridesmaid dresses. I dragged out everything and anything that could possibly make a young girl feel the thrill that is slipping into her first prom dress and feel like a princess.

I had been holding on to these dresses out for the pure sentimental value of it. I remember my Senior prom like it was yesterday. I remember wearing that gorgeous blue ball gown in my dear friends wedding. But I think I'm going to remember the thought of making a sick child feel beautiful a whole lot more.

Please check out The Sandbox to learn more about how you too can help. I know I'll be looking in to more programs like this at our local Children's Hospital, and I urge you to as well.

A Night At The Park

2011-07-21T06:11:00.000-04:00

Last night we went down to the park where Mama-Pajama was holding her weekly show. Kids are everywhere playing with toys, instruments and more.

I'm not sure who had more fun, Keagan or myself.

While the music was playing (I will have Itsy-Bitsy-Spider stuck in my head for days by the way) he would run over to the playground and be the dare-devil child that I love and fear!

Did I mention the sprayer? Because it was like 90 degrees out too. And he was hot. And wanted in the water. NOW.

At least he cooled off.

One thing is for sure. He is getting be a little man, and the kid knows how to make me smile.

Today Was a Rough Day

2011-07-18T20:43:00.001-04:00

Any day that starts at 2:00am can't be headed for greatness...and that may be the BIGGEST understatement of the year right there.

Sunday Randy, Keagan and I met some of the family at Old Forge - Enchanted Forest to spend the afternoon having fun in the sun and the evening in a quaint one bedroom cabin (thankfully, each of us had our own cabin because that? Wouldn't have been pretty.)

Has anyone seen any glaring foreshadowing yet? No? Read on.

Our little family had so much fun. Taking Keagan on his first water ride, watching him play in the wave pool running back and forth in the surf with a huge smile on his face and playing with his cousin was fantastic. Sure, he hadn't taken a nap. Sure, he'd been up since 6:30am. Sure, I was in dire need of coffee. But all in all, we were having a blast.

Later that evening we sat around the fire eating hot dogs, watching the boys play and pick raspberries. We were amazed that he was still going and even more amazed that he was in such great spirits. Randy finally tucked him into bed around 10pm (VERY late for him) and we crawled into bed ourselves shortly after, completely blissful and exhausted.

And then the screaming started.

Did I mention we were in a one-bedroom cabin?

Did I mention Keagan is STILL going through a mommy phase?

Need I go much further?

By 5am (yes, three hours later) I was exhausted and on the verge of tears. I was vowing to walk out of that cabin with little tufts of my newly highlighted hair gripped in my two hands. I was ready to call it quits.

He finally curled up in bed with me (after he banished Randy to the much smaller twin bunk bed across the room because GOD FORBID HE BE SHARING A BLANKET WITH DADDY!) and slept.

It was short-lived, but he slept. We all slept. But it didn't make it any easier, it didn't make it any better. Now we had an over-tired toddler at a water park...and it's raining. The car ride back was brutal as he screamed that he wanted Cheeze-Its (which were residing in his lap), he hit the dog and threw a full sippy cup at my head.

I know these days are few and far between. I know that he is only two and yes, he was so tired. But these days right here? These are the days that make me feel about as defeated as any human being can ever possibly feel.

Prince - The Universal Symbol for Cool

2011-07-11T19:03:00.000-04:00

Today I spent five and a half hours in a car with a co-worker whom I don't really know all that well other than the fact that he is from Brooklyn, is married and has children in their 20's.

Needless to say, I was worried.

What do you talk about for five and a half hours in a car with someone you barely know? Heck, I have a hard time making conversation with Randy for the 45 minutes it takes us to get to Gram's house on the weekends!

But I digress.

We made it to Rochester until I turned on the ipod. I'm not going to lie, I skipped over songs that I was, quite frankly, embarassed to have him hear. I mean, come on. NO ONE needs to see me rock out to The Thong Song. No one.

So there I am, skipping over songs {Glee soundtrack anyone?} when Prince's Kiss comes on.

I'm mortified. I mean, I love Prince. Love. Him. But now HE is going to know I love Prince. And can't you just hear the water cooler talk now?

I quickly go to skip over yet another song when he says "You can keep that one on..." and starts singing along and rocking out to it. With me. In our rented Ford Edge. The two of us found common ground in what can only be called one of THE best songs of the mid-80's {granted, I was oh...5 when it came out and he was...well, quite a bit older than 5} but still. We owned it.

So we bopped along for the roughly two minutes of greatness, totally in sync, totally jamming.

I didn't have to resort to talking about the weather until Buffalo, and for that Prince, I thank you.

Where's Your Mommy?

2011-07-05T20:25:00.000-04:00

This 4^th of July we took a family trip to the beach.

Sidenote before I get to my story – people watching at the beach? Priceless. If ever you need a boost to your self-confidence that is the place to go. Well, there and the State Fair.

Anywho, so we’re at the beach and having a grand old time while I get sunburned and Randy gets sunburned and Keagan plays in the water laughing and giggling and splashing. We’re having so much fun, our little family, when up walks this adorable little girl, who informs me she is three and wants to play with Keagan.

Mommy was VERY proud when Keagan shared his bucket with the little girl and even prouder when he laughed hysterically when she splashed him with water.

We’re in the water for a good 30 minutes while the kids are playing together when I realize this little girl? Yeah, she’s all alone. In the water. By herself. No parents in sight. Three years old, in the water, by herself, chilling with two adults that she has never seen before in her life.

Now, I’m sorry and maybe I’m a little over-protective BUT, if I saw my kid being chatted up by two adults I didn’t know you can pretty much guarantee I would make my presence known ASAP. Not to mention, THEY ARE IN THE WATER.

But no. No adult. Not in the water. Not on the shore line. Nada.

I asked her where her mommy was to which she answered “Over there, somewhere…” I scan the shoreline once again, to no avail.

Now I’m worried. And I’m angry. Who does this? Who puts their adorable little girl in a swimsuit, points them at the water and pretty much walks away? WHO DOES THIS?

So, while Randy and Keagan continued to play I went up to the lifeguard stand and let them know that this little girl is by herself, in the water with no parent in sight and could they do something about that? Thank God they are proficient at their jobs. Quickly they sent another lifeguard out to talk to her and to walk the beach looking for her people.

From our chair I watched as this lifeguard and the little girl walked the beach. I watched for almost 20 minutes as they combed this not very large beach looking for someone, hoping that any minute I would see a frantic parent come running up to her, clutching her to her chest, half terrified that they had lost their precious child. For 20 minutes I watched and waited.

Finally they must have found who I can only assume were her big sisters who were tasked with keeping an eye on their little sister. Not 10 minutes later she was on her own again.

This poor child. Is this a foreshadowing of what is in store for her? To walk alone on a beach with no one wondering where she is? To not be cared about enough to even have a life jacket on while playing in a lake alone? It made my heart heavy to watch her walk back and forth on the beach with the lifeguard looking for the person that is supposed to love her more than life itself to no avail.

Selfish as this sounds, it made me realize that I am a good parent. That I am the parent standing in the water watching over her own, and those around her. It made me realize that even on my worst days; I’m still a great parent. I’m a great parent because I know that I could never point my child at the water and say good luck. I’m a great parent because the alternative is too horrifying to imagine. If only there were more great parents.

3:15am

2011-07-05T06:02:00.000-04:00

3:15am.

That's what time my child woke up this morning.

3:15...A.M.

I should preface this by saying, I know I'm lucky. Keagan has consistently slept through the night since around 8 months old. He has consistently gone to bed between 7:30pm and 8pm and most days we have to wake him up to get ready for daycare.

I get it. I'm lucky. I'm lucky because a lot of parents don't get that.

Unfortunately, the fact that he DOES usually sleep through the night made 3:15am REALLLLLLY difficult to see. It made it even more difficult when the reason he was losing his mind was that he wanted his sippy cup. That was sitting right next to him. But he couldn't see. And he didn't remember it was there because he also didn't take a nap yesterday and fell asleep on Randy's chest while reading Otto Goes To Bed for the 80th time since Thursday.

So I'm tired. And I'm cranky. And I'm in dire need of an extra-large caffeinated drink like nobodies business.

But you know what? I know when I go in to wake him up for daycare this morning he'll smile that ridiculously cute smile at me, giggle a giggle so similar to mine and climb up into my arms like a little koala bear...and all will be right with the world.

Hopefully I can juggle my coffee with the 35 pound koala bear on my hip.

Breakthrough

2011-07-03T13:53:00.000-04:00

I kind of fell off the face of the planet.

Not really...but really.

For awhile there I was doing so well. Writing at least a post a day, making my readers laugh, posting pictures of the midget.

Then it seems like it all came crashing down. There isn’t any one particular straw that broke this camel’s back. It was a dang haystack. And I was the needle. Good luck finding that.

The other day I came on to search a recipe that I knew I had posted a couple of years back and I saw that my last post was from almost three months ago, and who the heck is that little boy, surely he isn’t my little man that is toddling all over the place yelling “To Infinity…and Beyond” (or at least a garbled version of that) and swinging in the big boy swing. Surely it hadn’t been THAT long since I’d taken some time to write something, anything.

But it has. I’m ashamed. And you know what? There has been a notable difference in me, in my “real” life since I stopped writing. And not in a good way.

There are many things that I have shared on this blog over the years. For Christ’s sake, I postedsticks THAT I HAD PEED ON for the entire world to see. But I always stopped short of sharing what I have, for a very long time now; felt was too much to share, especially knowing that I have family that follows. I didn’t want to be bombarded by questions, thought differently of, or be worried about. I didn't want to be judged.

That choice to not share is what lead to me not posting, lead to me getting touchier and touchier with my husband, lead me to wanting to scream every time my son had a temper tantrum. Without an outlet to share I bottled up all these feelings and have since taken them out on the two closest targets, my two loves of my life.

How is that good? It’s not.

My dear friend Miranda at Not Super…Just Mom is actually why I’m writing today. Miranda has, from the very beginning been very open and honest about her struggle and survival of PPD. The other day she wrote a post about slipping. After a hellacious day she was done. She needed a break. She needed a hug. She needed reassurance that she was not only a good mom, but a great one.

And she got it.

She got it from her friends.

She got it from her readers.

She got it from her family.

She got it because she put it out there. She wrote about how hard of a time she was having and how she felt and what she needed.

Reading that made me realize that my bottling up and not talking about my own experience wasn’t helping me; if anything it was hindering me and making things worse. It made me realize that I can’t get support from anyone if no one even knows I’m struggling.

Because I am. And I have been for almost two years now. I remember the day I said to my husband “I think I need to talk to my doctor about going on meds,” and he looked at me and said “I agree.” Wake up call much? For months I had been struggling with it all, trying to figure out how to be super-mom, super-wife, super-everything and for months I kept disappointing myself and feeling that I wasn’t good enough and never would be. And for months I took it out on Randy.

Finally I called my doctor. I sat in her office and cried. I cried for the months of feeling like a failure. I cried for the months of being so angry at my husband and having no idea why. I cried for the months of just wanting to run away, turn back time, just let go.

I cried because I was depressed. I know that now. It wasn’t that I was a bad wife. It wasn’t that I was a horrible mother. I cried because, like so many other women out there I had a condition known as Postpartum Depression.

I left her office that day feeling like a weight, albeit a small one, had been lifted off my shoulders. Along with a prescription I had strict orders to exercise, take “me time” and to talk. I followed these orders for quite some time.

And then I stopped working out.

And then I stopped writing.

And then I started snapping at my husband for every little thing and thinking I must be just a horrible mother because who else but a horrible mother would let their child have a nervous breakdown at the thought of a juice box that didn’t have Lightning McQueen on it?

It hit me last week that I hadn’t worked out in months. I hadn’t really taken “me time” in awhile either, and I hadn’t written anything or talked to anybody in a real long time.

It hit me that I needed to stop this before it lead me down that dark path any farther.

So this week I went to Zumba for the first time. I’ve never had so much fun burning a ridiculous number of calories before. This week I went to Target, by myself, just to walk around. This week I wrote.

This week, I’ll start to feel better.

It Was A Good Day

2011-04-10T22:02:00.000-04:00

This weekend, Spring finally came to Central New York.

It was quite sneaky about it...tossing in a snow storm just days before.

But the sun still came out, as promised, Saturday morning.

And it was beautiful.

This winter has been a rough one for me for many different reasons, none of which I can even begin to put in to words yet.

But the sun still came out, as promised.

These past few months have been a whirlwind of obligations, training, run here, do this.

But the sun still came out, as promised.

Just seeing my son smile like this has helped me to turn a corner out of the cold, dreary winter...

And in to the sun.

Things I Don't Need on a Monday Morning

2011-03-07T08:52:00.000-05:00

1) A foot of snow overnight.

2) Wet clothes in the dryer rendering it impossible to find a pair of socks.

3) Getting stuck in a snow bank. With a two-year-old in the back seat. Who keeps saying "Mommy stuck?"

4) Shoveling for 20 minutes to get out of said snow bank only to have my husband arrive and take 30 seconds to get me out.

It's not even 9am and I'm spent.

Happy Birthday...

2011-03-02T08:16:00.002-05:00

Five years ago you were a thought, a twinkle in our eye.

Four years ago you were a "someday", a future plan to be.

Three years ago you were a smile, a laugh, a wish a hug.

Two years ago you were finally here, our waiting was all through.

Two years ago we met our son...that little boy was you.

Happy Birthday Keagan, we love you so much.

Writer's Workshop - February 24th

2011-02-24T08:11:00.000-05:00

Describe a time when someone was proud of you.

I've been struggling the past few weeks to think of anything I want to write about. I've been struggling trying to find time to jot down the ideas that seem promising, which in turn means I've been without material for some time now.

I got into the office early today and decided that I may as well check-out my old standby of the Mama Kat's Writers Workshop because really? Why not?

The prompt that I chose for this week seemed perfect.

I've been very lucky in my life to have family and friends that are, in a word, amazing. I've been especially lucky to have my grandparents in my life. Gram and Gramp have been my rock, through good times and bad, and I'd like to first thank them for that.

Throughout the years I hope that I've given my Gram and Gramp moments to be proud of me.

Like when I graduated High School...

And graduated College...

And when I got married...

And when I had Keagan.

But I know that the moments that really make them proud are when my old High School teachers see my Gram at the store and tell her how much they enjoyed having me in class. Or when they see one of my coaches and they ask after me. The little things that most people would think nothing of, the acknowledgement that their granddaughter was someone that is thought of as sweet, and caring and smart.

These are the moments that I hope make them proud of me.

I love you guys.

Want to Win?

2011-02-11T08:43:00.000-05:00

Head on over to Thirty-One Gifts ~ Team Jess for a chance to win an awesome Thirty-One Gifts Wristlet Wallet {pictured below}. A fantastic accessory for your soon to be out of hibernation Spring wardrobe!

Good luck!

Top Ten Tuesday with Sluiter Nation - Things I Could Do Without

2011-02-08T08:33:00.000-05:00

1. Snow – Considering we hit our record for snowfall back in December, I’d like to think this one is pretty self-explanatory. So, Mother Nature? Yeah, enough is enough already.

2. Bikinis in February – Do we really need another reminder that the holiday cookies and eggnog are still residing at our midsection? And thighs. And butt.

3. Toddler Tantrums - How do those little vocal chords reach such high sound frequencies?

4. Decaf Coffee – This ranks right up there with non-alcoholic wine and sugar free chocolate. What’s the point?

5. Designer Dogs – I know I’m not the only one that tears up when the ASPCA commercials come on. With all the animals in shelters that need a safe and happy home I’m forever dumbfounded as to why people will spend thousands of dollars on a dog that is more high maintenance than I am. Please, please, please adopt a dog or cat in need. Check out www.petfinder.com or your local shelter.

6. Calliou - I don't know what it is, but I have a deep seated hatred for that bald, whiny, four-year-old. It may have something to do with the theme song that is once again stuck in my head.

7. Clutter - My house seems to be in a constant state of disarray. It makes me twitch a little. Please make it stop.

8. Over-sharing - There is no need for me to know about your upcoming GYN appointment co-worker I don't know all that well. No reason at all.

9. Crib climbing - It's really great when you realize your child can not only get out of his crib by himself, but also refuses to sleep in a big-boy bed. It's pure awesomeness.

10. Winter Clothes - While I love my sweaters, I'm dying for the days of light dresses and short sleeve cardigans. Here's hoping the groundhog was right this year.