Taking off an Overcoat

FEELING BETTER

2007-10-01T17:10:00.000-07:00

Even though I can't weigh in tonight either, I am feeling better. I went to a bachelorette party on Saturday, and I thought I did bad, but in retrospect I didn't do so bad with the food. On Friday night I splurged though. So this week, I am adopting the...if I play, I pay...motto so that I will teach myself that there are consequences for my silly actions. I need to control that part of my brain that shuts off when there is food around. I love food, it tastes good, it smells good, it tastes good, and it tastes good. It is not so much a comfort thing for me....I simply like food. So I don't think that there is an emotional reason for my eating. Sometimes, I do like comfort food, but not always. I don't know how to explain it. I think overeaters are stereotyped into this category of emotional wrecks who simply eat to fill a void. That isn't true of all people though. I don't know if I fit into a specific category. I like to eat...what can I say? From my pictures, I don't look big....I am not a very big girl. I just weigh a lot. People hear how much I weigh and double take because they don't think I could weigh over 200. I can't explain my body type....I guess I am just a weirdo.
Anyways, today's blog is all about consequences for playing. If I teach my body that it will have to work for an indulgence, then I will be more motivated...but I must learn to love and respect my body. I don't want my brain to transmit to my body that the gym is a bad place...mental perception is half the battle. If the gym is a positively reinforcing place to be, then it won't be so bad to get there....but if I go to the gym thinking, ARGH NOT THE GYM!!! Then it will not be a reinforcing experience for me or my body...think about it...if you ask your child to do a chore...they don't want to do it. They will have a bad attitude, they will not learn responsibility, and it probably won't get done thoroughly. The way you think affects your body on that level too. Negative mental image carries over to action. If you think something is bad, your body is probably going to think it is bad for it....SO the solution is to pair the gym with positive reinforcement I.E. I go to the gym three days in a row, I get to go buy a cd or earn a jamba juice....UNTIL Your body realizes that it feels better after going to the gym and working through the grind of getting your gears loosened so that five minutes on the treadmill won't leave you thinking you have just climbed everest with no oxygen...except everest happens to be in the middle of the sahara.....you get the point. Once the gears are loose, so to speak, then your body likes the activity, and not going to the gym will bum you out....ENDORPHINES ROCK!!!
Ok enough about my behavioural smarts...I am off to yell at Barry since I am still stuck @ work with no ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TOO POOR

2007-09-24T15:17:00.000-07:00

Unfotunately I cannot weigh in tonight. Barry and I are having serious financial difficulty and have to sell some stuff to get by this month. But that's ok....we are still alive and happy to be together. This just happens sometimes...no need to be too whiny about it. But I can't weigh in so I can't check progress today. I am just going to keep on working hard and following the program @ home. I am doing well with it. I am looking pretty good. I have always carried extra weight in my face....I really want to have a very defined jaw line. That to me is a big factor for beauty. I think it is because I am an artist. I like to paint portraits, and angular facial features are nicer on canvas to paint. Anyways, I am looking forward to keeping on with my progress. I am really committed to this program and am really striving to always do better than the day before. I am looking forward to working out after work today. GUESS WHAT!!! My overcoat is coming off...more like unwraveling off one thread at a time.....here comes me....unhidden by a flawed cover that defines who I am to so many people in this superficial town. I just want confidence....not stickfigureness....i just want to feel like i look good. THAT IS ALL!!!!!!!!

poo two

2007-09-19T18:49:00.000-07:00

yaay me!!! I stopped whining and went to the gym. I drank some tea....ok a lot of tea this morning and i felt better. I left work a little late as usual, went home and got dressed to go to the gym. I actually ran....ok people who don't read my blog but one day may....I HATE RUNNING.....When i was a special ed teacher I trained the crap out of my autistic students and we all did a 5k together. I finished then walked back and ran about a mile over the finish line with the last student. I HATE RUNNING.....it hurts my bones, it makes me cranky, and I feel like I look like a drunk monkey on it. SOOO I did it anyway. I ran, and it wasn't so bad. I have to conquer what I hate. I want to do it because I hate it so much and too bad for me. GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND RUN BECAUSE YOU HATE IT.....I have to face it to prove it to myself. I have to face it to prove that I will not back down from things that I don't like, but I will learn to love it....and one day I will be running a 5k in 20 minutes with nothing on but shorts and a sports bra.....and people will learn from me...because my worst enemy will have become my alli.
WHEW....now that that is out of my system...time for a cheeseburger.....HA HA HA JUST KIDDING.

poo

2007-09-19T07:52:00.001-07:00

I don't feel well today. I don't want to sound whiny, but I just feel really crusty inside and out. My nose is stuffy and I feel physically tired and weak. Last night we went to Red Lobster. I was good, I ate less than 1/4 of my food, but I still ate too much. Oh well, dipped into my allowance is all I did. Christina woke up this morning and made it to the gym.....you go girl. My alarm didn't go off in time. That is a bummer. I miss working out, I am finding a hard time finding motivation. I feel kinda of low today in every way I guess.
Today is one of those days where I feel like I could lose track if I let my brain drift off too far. Maybe I am just getting a cold.
On a positive note, I am wearing an outfit today that I haven't been able to wear in a while because I couldn't get the pants closed. It is a little snug, but it works......not like I wanted to wear it I just have to do laundry but can't afford quarters. Hopefully mommy dearest will let me use hers later on this week. My house stinks.
I guess that is the hardest part about this life. I work full time and have a hard time fitting much else in. My house is so messy, and I can't keep up with chores. Sometimes, the last thing I want to do is go to the gym because I feel like I have got to get my house clean. That is probably the hardest part. Sometimes I feel like I am neglecting my responsibilities as a wife because I can't get those things done like cleaning house and staying up with laundry. It is embarassing and makes me look bad.
Man I am just not feeling good...I guess I should have called in or something. I just want to take a nap.
Well, I have noticed that I am being a major debbie downer. I just need to get my whiny butt through the day and then I can go home and take a nap.

wow

2007-09-18T10:22:00.000-07:00

ok then. I went to weigh in yesterday and dropped another 2.8 pounds so I am at about 10 pounds. That is cool. I am pretty excited about it. Things have been pretty hectic lately so it's nice to be able to still keep the weight off. Stress usually makes me gain.
Exciting stuff. Anyhoo, I am on break at work so this will be a short blog.
Barry, my husband in the pic at the bottom of the page, has lost 12 lbs. I am so proud of him. He is pretty steller.
10 pounds down about 40 - 45 to go. We'll see. I just want to fit into my old clothes again. Phantom of the Opera is coming to town in a few months, and I would really like to fit into my old prom dress.....it is so pretty....even better than my wedding dress. So yeah, that's where I stand now. Not much more than that. If you happen to find this blog in one of your random internet blog searches, please be inspired that you can do what you set your mind to no matter how cliche that sounds. I am one of those people who failed at everything I tried....this is working for me and I am determined to keep going with it.
I am still getting off this overcoat!

Starting out

2007-09-16T12:33:00.001-07:00

Allrighty then. Might as well stop moping and jump in headfirst to something that might actually work. My life is a whirlwind of excitement, drama, and confusion. I however, am a mellow lady. I gained the stereotypical weight that comes along with a new marriage. Trouble is, two years of marriage, and I have not seen the reverse effect......ummmmmm excuse me marriage....I am tired of getting el fato please el reverso. I live in a conceited city where spiky hair rules the streets. So with this whole fat thing....yeah not so cool with it. I don't like feeling like I am trapped under an overcoat that I cannot get off....no I am not lazy. I like the gym, I like to pump da iron. I have always been pretty active. I just got a lot less active after I got a sitting job. So now I gots to stop whining and do something.
I talked to this lady at a park who said that weight watchers worked for her. I thought.....okie dokie...lets do this. I don't like different things, but that's ok because I need to learn to stop being so afraid of change. NO MORE EXCUSES. I am 21 and need to actually feel like I am not a 5 year old child around other people. I am a grown up now.....ooooooooeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Yes a grow up.....wish my brain would catch up with that concept. I think confidence will help. So here I am on my third week and weigh in is tomorrow. I have lost a total of 6.4 lbs. Yes I will be obsessive with ounces too. I don't really have a goal weight. I remember being @ 158 when I was a swim instructor and was training on lunch breaks. I got a job to pay for a trainer.....I got little. I remember one day I was at work and I had to go pee...so I went to the bathroom and took my shirt off that I always wore....I always wore a tshirt and board shorts....long ones....over my bikini. Well anyhooo, I taked my shirt offdeded and I was like....wo I gots me some nice lookin abs. Yeah well that was a short lived deal. I remember hangin out with a skinny friend and I didn't have any clothes to wear so she let me have some of hers....she was tiny...and her clothes were loose on me. DANG....then I got married and gained a lot of weight.... 56 lbs. holy poo!!! Well now I am finally succeeding with watching the weight go.
I will try to post daily. Thanks for listening, and read on to see me take off my overcoat.