Tales from Aisle 424 - A Cubs Blog

The Legend of Sam Fuld

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 20:38:00 +0000

I wrote about the bizarre superhero cape promotion the Tampa Bay Rays are holding in honor of Sam Fuld over on Obstructed View, but this Fuldmania is really taking on a life of its own down there in Tampa. I blame the humidity.

There is a Twitter meme going around called #LegendofSamFuld and it is entertaining as hell to watch.

@JoeDu - Sam Fuld has appeared in every Star Wars Film. He was the Force. #legendofsamfuld
@JettInTampa - Sam Fuld audits the IRS #LegendOfSamFuld
@guyd10 - San Francisco #Giants requested to be renamed Sam Fuld Giants #legendofsamfuld
@Graymatter11 - In related news, the Red Sox are trying to trade Carl Crawford for Sam Fuld. #LegendofSamFuld
@atlasrising - #legendofsamfuld Joe Mauer got hurt so he didn't have to defend home plate against Sam Fuld
@JoeDu - When you have a chance to hit for the cycle but decide it's beneath you, you've pulled a Sam Fuld. #legendofsamfuld
@richatthetrop - #LegendOfSamFuld auto industry changed the engine power ratings from horse power to fuld power A Nascar is now rated at 1/4 fuld power
@billsosports - Sam Fuld's cell phone always has a full charge and 5 bars. #LegendofSamFuld
@karenmcallister - When NFL returns, Tim Tebow will write Sam Fuld on his eye black. #LegendofSamFuld
@bigbelly55 - What is the meaning of life? The answer is #LegendofSamFuld
@TheSportmeister - Sam Fuld doesn't need steroids, steroids actually try to take Sam Fuld to get stronger. #LegendOfSamFuld

And it just keeps going.

Sam Fuld's IQ is higher than everyone else in this photo combined #LegendofSamFuld

Even Rays' team mate David Price is getting in on it:

@DAVIDprice14 - I don't WATCH much baseball...but when I do, I watch Sam Fuld! (dos equis guy) #LegendOfSamFuld

I'm so happy Cubs fans aren't the only fanbase to go apeshit over a player that isn't very good.

Tomorrow

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 04:29:00 +0000

Today is a very strange day for me. As I sit here and write this post, I don't really know what tone to take.

Tomorrow is the first day of Obstructed View. If you don't follow me, Adam, Jeff or David on Twitter or like us on Facebook (why the heck don't you?), you have missed a great deal of hype for the new site that has been a great deal of fun to put together and I couldn't resist one last one:

It started (I think) with a comment from our friend, Melissa about how the four of us coming together was like the Traveling Wilburys. That led to Adam putting this together:

He also did a few more and I decided I should put a few together like this one:

Or this one:

Soon there were something like twenty images floating around (check out the album on our Facebook page to see the rest) hyping up Obstructed View and I realized that putting those together was the most fun I had had in a long time with this whole blogging thing.

I remember when I first started this blog, one of my friends who had quite a bit of experience blogging told me that the main thing was to have fun with whatever I did with it. Otherwise, it's just another form of work. That turned out to be one of the most true statements ever made.

While I loved building up this site, I realized the main fun I've had while musing about the foibles of the Cubs is getting to know the people who have managed to find their way to this site and those who I interact with on Facebook and Twitter. So, even though I'm not sure what is in store for this site in the future, I'm very excited to enter into this venture with Adam, Jeff and David. I'm very thankful and honored that they asked me to be a part of Obstructed View and I'm sure our collaboration will result in something far greater than I could ever have achieved by myself on this site.

But I'm also thankful for everyone who stopped by and read the ramblings and rants that spilled out of me as the Cubs somehow managed to underwhelm me despite ever-lowered expectations. It is a tremendous help to know that so many people out there feel the same pain I feel when watching such repeated failure. I hope if you liked this site that you will follow me over to the new place because it won't be the same otherwise.

Thanks again, and don't forget to check back here from time to time since I do watch an awful lot of sports that don't involve the Cubs, and I'm pretty opinionated.

Until then, how about one more tip of the hat to one of my favorite shows:

Get Ready For Some Heavy Hitters

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 14:43:00 +0000

We are two days away from the debut of the greatest lineup in Cubs history. No, not the lineup that will have Koyie Hill in it.

This Sunday, Obstructed View breaks camp and the posts count.

Cubs Hellbent on Keeping Silva for Some Reason

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 22:53:00 +0000

The Cubs have to be pretty pissed at Randy Wells, Andrew Cashner, and Carlos Silva for messing up their well-laid plans. Wells and Cashner are supposed to be the ones fighting over a rotation spot, while Silva claimed that fourth spot. That is how it was supposed to happen, but it didn't happen.

What's that you say? The Cubs said that this was a three-man race for the last two spots? They also said you wouldn't be able to buy tickets for the Yankees games when single-game tickets went on sale. The Cubs lie. There is no getting around it. When the Cubs state that the sun rises in the east, it would be wise to look out your window to make sure it is true.

Of course, most businesses lie at least a bit, so the Cubs aren't necessarily the MLB version of Wolfram & Hart or anything, but they also shouldn't be trusted as much as a lot of fans want to trust them.

So why do I think the Cubs were lying when they said the last two rotation spots were open to competition? Because Carlos Silva is still alive in the rotation competition, and I think he's going to get it.

Despite Silva's six inning, one run outing today, his Spring ERA stands at 10.90. While Andrew Cashner's 3.97 this spring isn't something that would win him a Cy Young award if he did that all year in the rotation, it certainly is a hell of a lot better than an ERA that requires 4 digits.

Anybody who has watched the Cubs at all this Spring can clearly see that the two best performers to take the #4 and #5 spots would be Randy Wells and Andrew Cashner. Wells and Cashner are also the younger candidates and have the highest potential to possibly outperform their projections if you completely disregard the Spring numbers. They are also the more marketable candidates since they are products of the Cubs farm system and still basically make league minimum salaries.

Yet, it is looking more and more like Carlos Silva will be in the Cubs rotation and Andrew Cashner will not. This says to me that there was almost nothing Carlos Silva could have done short of injury that would have kept him out of the rotation.

Let's go to the map.

Carlos Silva is a big fat-ass with heart issues, so if there was any debate about whether he should be in the rotation or not, he probably should have shown up to camp in better shape than a Macy's Thanksgiving Day balloon. He did not.

When one is fighting for a spot on a major league roster, it is best to not get into a fight with the team's best offensive weapon. But if one does get into a fight with the team's best offensive weapon, maybe one should wait and not get into it during the fourth game of Spring Training. He did not.

Then there was his inability to get anybody out with any regularity until today's outing. When one is fighting for a spot and you are a big, fat, old, expensive pitcher that was never all that good to begin with and pretty much a malcontent wherever you've been, you should probably keep your ERA in the three-digit range. He did not.

So how will Silva get a spot in the Cubs' rotation? Because he never was going to lose the spot. Unfortunately he, Wells, and Cashner didn't follow the script.

Wells or Cashner were supposed to battle it out for the fifth spot so that one of them could get sent down to work on another pitch (Cashner) or work on his confidence (Wells). Meanwhile, Silva wouldn't necessarily be fantastic, but he would be a veteran presence on the back end of a rotation for a team that was trying to win now.

The problem is that Randy Wells pitched so well he absolutely HAD to be included in the rotation. Between his results from 2009, his peripherals from 2010 (which the Cubs don't care about, but they should), and his Spring performance, there was no way on God's green earth that Wells was going to go down. So it supposedly became a two man race between Cashner and Silva. Silva screwed that up by pitching as poorly as if he was lobbing the pitches in underhanded and Cashner actually stepped up and pitched like he wanted that rotation spot.

The problem is that Cashner never really stood a realistic chance. He went out in his last outing and gave up a few runs in the slop that inflated his ERA a bit and Silva went out and had his best outing, but Cashner still has Silva beat by a wide margin. Cashner is presumably the best option if the Cubs are trying to win now OR if they are trying to focus on development, but Silva is still lingering.

Why? I'm guessing it is his salary. The Cubs would have to eat his salary. He can't go to the bullpen because he doesn't want to be there and he won't go as quietly as Carlos Zambrano did when he had even less reason than Silva to do so. They can't send him to the minors since he's a veteran. He has almost no trade value (and today's outing didn't suddenly change him into a viable trade chip). The Cubs seem extremely reluctant to just consider the 8-0 start from last year as the best return they could have hoped for in return for Milton Bradley and just walk away from the casino with a small profit. They seem intent on going back to the roulette table to really try to cash in their longshot.

We can't believe it either, Carlos.

If Silva makes the rotation, I can not think of a single scenario where Silva actually had his starting job in jeopardy where he retained the spot based on his performance or value to the team.
I have an easier time rationalizing Braden Looper making the rotation as the fifth starter than I do coming up with an argument for Silva that doesn't involve the crossing of fingers and outright overstatement of his capabilities. The only thing I can come up with is that there was never two rotation spots open. It was one spot between Cashner and Wells (with the other dark horses thrown in for good measure) and Wells won that battle.

If anyone can think of a rational reason why Silva would be a part of the rotation, feel free to let me know. I've got nothing.

I can't wait to see how the Cubs rationalize Cashner getting sent down.

Retro Post(s): The Letter from Tom Ricketts Series

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 22:42:00 +0000

After the 2010 season mercifully ended, season ticket holders were treated to a literary epic from Tom Ricketts where he did his best to gloss over the bad parts (of which there were many), hype up the good parts (not quite so many), prepare us for an offseason where the Cubs wouldn't really do much, and the ticket price structure would become exponentially more difficult to determine.

I originally broke up the letter into five separate posts since the letter itself was so long that I figured nobody would sit through a point-by-point rehashing of the whole thing. Well, in this retrospective you get to do just that. Consider it like sitting through all three Lord of the Rings movies at once - your ass might fall asleep, but it is totally worth the time.

(Though, to be honest, it might be more like sitting through all three of the Big Mama's House movies.)

Part 1 - We're Not Worthy!

As you may have already heard through the Twitterverse, I received a nice letter from Tom Ricketts today in my e-mail that addressed the 2010 season, the managerial search, plans for 2011 and beyond, further improvements to Wrigley Field, and ticket pricing. The letter is shorter than Moby Dick, but only a little bit so I'll address the components in separate posts to keep you all from dying of exhaustion from reading both the actual text and my accompanying commentary.

Dear Mr. McGinnis,

OMG! OMG! OMG! He knows my name!

It has been an incredible year for my family in our first season as stewards of the Chicago Cubs. Of all the new experiences, none was more enjoyable than the opportunity to meet and spend time with you---our season ticket holders.

We met many of you during our game day walks through Wrigley Field. Over the course of those games, you welcomed me and my family, you shared your thoughts and suggestions on improving the team and the ballpark, we celebrated some wins and, unfortunately, suffered too many losses.

Tom brought the shovel out pretty quickly because I can't imagine hearing opinions on middle relief from guys wearing Ryan Theriot jerseys was actually the most enjoyable part of owning the Cubs.

One of the highlights of the year was our first ever season ticket holder "open house" on July 8th. On that day alone I met more than 2100 of you, as we spent a day together in the greatest ballpark on earth. (For all who have inquired---yes, we are going to host that event again and in fact we will double up with a night session as well).

I wonder if he is counting his speaking to a large group at the beginning of each session as "meeting" the fans. I think there were six sessions that day that all lasted an hour, so if he is counting the people he individually met, he would have spent about 10 seconds with every fan (which I know isn't possible because he was actually engaged in conversations whenever I looked over there). So, he's definitely playing fast and loose with the definition of the word "met." It reminds me of the time I "met" the Rolling Stones at Soldier Field.

As our most highly valued customers, your opinions are invaluable as we move our organization forward. In fact, you will soon be contacted to participate in a quality assurance survey as we consider amenity upgrades and look to identify ways to improve your experience at Wrigley Field.

As long as they are only taking opinions from fans regarding the amenities in Wrigley Field, that is fine with me, but I do not want the fate of the managerial position or any roster moves based even a little bit on what the fanbase thinks. Jim Hendry and the rest of the baseball operations team get paid a nice sum to evaluate baseball talent and our stupid opinions shouldn't matter for shit to them. The ONLY time I want a fan's opinion taken into account in a baseball decision is when there is a decision between two players that basically are the same level player, but one is a dick and one is a scrappy fan-favorite. Then sure, go ahead and let the fans be the tie-breaker in that all-too-rare circumstance.

On behalf of my entire family, thank you for your warm welcome and your incredible support of the Cubs organization. You are truly our partners and we respect your contribution and insights.

We're not worthy! We're not worthy! We suck!

OK, Tom, we get it. We're valuable, we're part of the team, you respect us, we shouldn't stop spendinng our money on your crappy product, you love us, you'd name your children after us if you could somehow have 3,000,000 children. Groveling is not becoming of a major league owner.

Part 2 - 2010: It Wasn't All Shitty

Tom Ricketts opened telling us how important Cubs fans are to the team, so now that we are still basking in the warm embrace of our new fan-friendly owners, it's as good a time as any to slap us in the face with the cold, hard reality of the:

2010 Review

The 2010 season was a disappointment for all at the major league level-for my family, for the organization, for the players and for the fans. The team showed signs of its potential the last quarter of the season, but the 75-87 record fell well short of our goals. My family is committed to winning a World Series and though it may not be entirely evident from this year's performance, there are encouraging signs.

Well that sure doesn't sound like the season was as big of a cluster-fuck death march as I thought it was. Maybe I'm all turned around about the Cubs. Maybe I'll get a DVD to commemorate such a successful season:

Oh... right...

(h/t The Heckler)

If the potential of this team was shown by lots of playing time for Koyie Hill, Darwin Barney, Bobby Scales, and Micah Hoffpauir, I'm not sure what the encouraging signs are. However, Tom nails it on the head when he says that his family's committment to winning a World Series is not "evident from this year's performance."

The 2010 highlights revolved around our home grown talent. Starlin Castro, Tyler Colvin and Andrew Cashner developed into budding stars, with Castro and Colvin in the NL Rookie of the Year discussion. That young group was enhanced by the August promotion of Casey Coleman, who went 3-1 with a 2.08 ERA in his last four starts. All need to take the next step in 2011, but we are very encouraged to have a group of young, home grown players emerge as regulars in 2010.

There is the silver lining. Castro, Colvin, and for some reason, Cashner, get prominent billing. Youth shall save us! The Cubs seem hellbent on turning Cashner into a middle reliever so even if you followed him through the minors and are excited about his power arm, no team should hype a middle relief prospect in its top three "encouraging" signs. Throwing Casey Coleman and his small sample size is just grasping for straws.

We also have to recognize the superb job done by another one of our own-Mike Quade. During the final 37 games, the team played at a .649 clip (24-13), the second best record in the majors over that timeframe. Making this even more significant, we played largely against teams fighting for playoff berths.

This last part is particularly interesting since Tom seems to be selling Quade to the fans. He could have mentioned the strong finish and left it at that to build the hope train going for next season, but he practically equates Quade to a prospect that is coming into his own at the major league level that we can enjoy in future seasons. Huh...

Plus, he gets a little liberal with his definitions again when he states the Cubs finished "largely" against teams fighting for playoff berths. Even if I include the last three games against the Cardinals as a team "fighting for playoff berths," only 16 of Quade's 37 games came against such playoff contenders. In those 16 games, the Cubs were 9-7. That is nice, but it isn't like they kicked good teams' asses and took names. But yes, Quade did a nice job overall.

It is my strong belief that, in the end, it is organizations with strong farm systems that win championships and I am convinced that our organization is making progress.

Our success in producing talent from within our system can be attributed to a number of factors, including a commitment of financial resources. We believe we have one of the best scouting directors in baseball in Tim Wilken (now 4 years in place) and with a strong farm director in Oneri Fleita and a very productive international effort, we are making progress in what had been a weak spot in the organization.

He's talking about good young talent more than a popped-collar guy at Casey Moran's. It's like he's wearing beer goggles when looking at the state of the team...

Well, that explains the optimism.

Our farm clubs performed very well in 2010, playing to a collective 374-316 record, with first place finishes at both the Triple-A level in Iowa (tied) and Double-A level in Tennessee. The overall .542 winning percentage was second among all major league organizations and our 374 wins were the most for the Cubs organization in 15 years. As I said at our opening press conference about a year ago, we are committed to winning the right way---with our farm system. We believe we are on the right track.

Notice he didn't mention what a great job Ryne Sandberg did to lead Iowa to that first place tie. Maybe because they blew a post-season berth in their last game. Maybe because Ryne suddenly finds himself on the outside looking in? At least there is a head-fake towards Ryne with his mention of "winning the right way."

Besides the absence of Sandberg being discussed, some other noticeable omissions were: Every veteran player on the roster. No mention of Zambrano's strong finish, no mention of Byrd's All-Star appearance, no mention of Soto's rebound season. It makes you wonder if a full fire sale may at least be on the table as an option.

So, in short, the season was disappointing, but check out all those rookies! That makes a nice segue into the next segment:

Part 3 - 2011 Preview - Things Are Looking Up

So far, Tom has told us how valued we, the fans, are and how the 2010 season had a whole bunch of silver linings if you looked hard enough. But enough about all of the lovey-dovey crap and going over things in the past nobody can change. Let's talk about the future! What about 2011? Tom?:

We are early in the process of building the club for 2011. The first order of business is hiring our manager. Jim Hendry has identified a strong group of candidates and we are currently completing our interviews. This is a critical decision and I am confident we will find the right person to lead the club.

When the list of candidates involves Bob Melvin it can't really be that strong. Ryne Sandberg has name recognition, Mike Quade has a month of major league experience with an expanded roster, and Joe Girardi isn't even officially interested in the job. Bob Brenly said thanks, but no thanks. The only way the list gets less impressive is if Dave Martinez is added to it (and he's interested!).

I do like his confidence and wish I had that sort of optimism regarding the choice Hendry is about to make. I wonder where that comes from...

Oh yeah.

The strength of our team in 2010 was our starting pitching, as we led the National League with 96 quality starts. We expect that to continue. We are excited to see the continued development of our young players and the strong bullpen work anchored by Carlos Marmol (38 saves and a reliever-franchise record 138 strikeouts) and Sean Marshall (2.65 ERA, 22 holds).

I really like this paragraph because he starts out talking about the quality of the starting pitching and finishes by talking about the youth again (particularly Marmol and Marshall - who aren't starters). This would lead many people to believe that the starting pitching that was so successful this past year is young and that we can expect that kind of success in the future. It's a great marketing message.

Unfortunately, it is also wishful thinking at best and flat out not true at worst. The leader in quality starts this season was Ryan Dempster, age 34 next year. Next comes Randy Wells (age 29), Carlos Silva (age 32), and Carlos Zambrano (age 30). That isn't exactly a kindergarten class out there. What's more, Dempster and Silva will be in their last years of expensive contracts, and the Cubs would really like to get rid of Zambrano's big contract. This does not bode well when the two regular starters with the lowest percentage of quality starts (Wells and Gorzelanny) are the only ones under 30 years old.

The only other starters besides the aforementioned Casey Coleman that pitched for the Cubs this year under the age of 30 were Jeff Samardzija and Thomas Diamond. This does not make me feel optimistic.

Going forward, we recognize the need to recommit to fundamentals. We need to stabilize our defense and cut down on errors. We need to improve our offense and become more efficient in both moving runners and hitting with players in scoring position. It is too early to determine whether this will be addressed with internal moves, trades or through free agent acquisitions. But we know we must improve in these areas.

This paragraph sounds like he is running for something and he is addressing a room full of Cubs fans all waving "It's Gonna Happen" signs. He talks about changing what needs to be changed and offers absolutely no solutions. Here is how I imagine it would be written on a teleprompter:

"Going forward, we recognize the need to recommit to fundamentals. (wait for applause)
We need to stabilize our defense and cut down on errors. (wait for applause)
We need to improve our offense (pause)
and become more efficient in both moving runners (pause)
and hitting with players in scoring position. (wait for applause)
It is too early to determine whether this will be addressed with internal moves,
trades or through free agent acquisitions.
(pounds fist on podium) But we know we must (pounds fist)
improve in these areas. (wait for standing ovation)"

Add a "God Bless the Cubs" and maybe a "Think of the children" and you've got a really good start to a stump speech.

Given that we had the highest payroll in the NL in 2010, I get a lot of questions about our payroll commitment for 2011. As I said earlier, we are still working on our 2011 baseball plan, so it is hard to be too specific at this time. What I can tell you is that our overall baseball budget (scouting, player development and payroll) will be about the same in 2011 as it was in 2010. Continued long term success will come through superior scouting and player development, and we are committed to improving that facet of the organization. As a result, this likely means a shift of some of our resources from the major league payroll toward scouting and player development, but we are still very much in the evaluation phase.

This is what Tom has been working towards with all the youth talk. Young talent in baseball is cheap talent, thus the major league payroll is most likely going down. This means there will be veterans traded away if Hendry can find takers who are willing to pay a decent portion of the contract. This means that the team is most likely going to be crappy. Tom is trying to sell the notion of a rebuild, but he's framing it so that we think that the youth can carry the team as soon as next year.

The thing is, most of the superior talent down in the farm system probably won't be making significant contributions until the rosters expand again in September. If there was talent that close to being significant on the major league level, we surely would have seen it down the stretch in 2010. Instead we got Thomas Diamond and Jeff Samardzija.

Trades probably won't boost that major-league ready talent unless they are willing to part with pieces like Marmol and Marshall. Otherwise, all the Cubs get back is salary relief in any trades that occur of players like Fukudome or Zambrano (not that he would waive the no-trade clause anyway).

So Tom is doing his darndest to put the best face on 2011, but when it all comes down to it, it really has no more substance than this:

Part 4 - Ticket Pricing: Good Luck Figuring it Out

If you remember from last week, Tom Ricketts sent a very lengthy letter and I've been breaking it down as best I can so it can be viewed safely by normal human beings without going insane. By now we've seen that Tom has given a group hug to the fans, talked up the rookies to Corey Patterson levels, glossed over the disaster of the 2010 season, and made some leaps from small sample sizes to build up the hope for 2011. At this point, he is counting on our eyes glazing over and nobody reading this far. As one of my heroes, Dave Barry, has pointed out, it is an age-old tactic dating back to Thomas Jefferson when he wrote the Declaration of Independence:

"When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's god entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind require that they should get some sleep. Because I have been up for two nights now, declaring independence, and I may be a lanky Virginian but I am not a machine, for heaven's sake, and it just doesn't make sense to sit here scrawling away these complex-compound sentences when I just know nobody's going to read them, because nobody ever does read all the way through these legal documents. Take leases. You take the average tenants, and you could put a lease in front of them with a clause halfway through stating that they have to eat toasted moose doots for breakfast, and I'll guarantee you they never read it."

He's betting no one is reading at this point so that it will be an optimal time to slip in some information that won't necessarily be popular along with some confusing plans that are being spun as good news for season ticket holders. Tom is crafty. It is time to start talking about:

2011 Ticket Pricing

The other question I get regularly concerns our ticket pricing for 2011 and beyond. Overall, our average ticket price will be flat in 2011 compared to 2010. Before going into greater detail on that topic, let me provide some background.

Translation: The amount of revenue we generate from ticket sales on an average per ticket basis will remain the same, but it will change for you. I won't say how yet because I'm going to try to confuse you with more words here in a second. (Hint: it probably isn't going to go down for you, but I'll try to make you think that it is.)

My family is committed to providing ticket pricing that allows families to enjoy Cubs baseball. In so many ways, our children represent the next generation in the Cubs family. We want to invest in providing families with opportunities to experience Wrigley Field, including such things as running the bases, which will be continued in 2011.

This is nice. Families can come and watch the Cubs and enjoy the same experiences as the Ricketts FAMILY that now owns the team. They understand the importance of families and they understand that giving children the opportunity to come to games at an early age is important so that they can get addicted and continue buying tickets for the rest of their lives.

To this end, we will continue the policy of keeping many of our tickets in the sub $10 range-in fact, we will offer a substantial increase in sub-$10 tickets next year compared to 2010.

As long as the families are content sitting in the 500 sections of the upper deck in the outfield (and like to see the Pirates a lot), they can get into the park for less than $10 per person. I'm sure it is only a coincidence that these sections probably have the fewest season ticket holders since season ticket holders generally want a halfway decent seat if they are going to sit and watch a team lose 81 times per year.

In addition, we are increasing the number of bronze games (our lowest ticket pricing tier) from 6 games in 2010 to 15 games in the bleachers and 11 games in the grandstand in 2011. As a result, there will be 77% more tickets priced at $20 or less in 2011 than there were in 2010. Stated differently, a total of more than 550,000 tickets will be available for $20 or less next year.

This is great news to the single-game ticket buyers because there are now cheaper options available to the games that the Cubs had trouble selling at the end of the year last year (and therefore would probably be a tough sell in 2011). It could also end up lowering a season ticket holder's cost overall as long as they don't jack up prices to the games they know they are going to sell out anyway. Let's cross our fingers.

Again, our average ticket price next year will be essentially flat compared to 2010 (actually it is fractionally down vs. 2010). This does not mean all ticket prices will be the same as last year however, as pricing was adjusted based on location and our schedule. A little background might be helpful.

See what I mean about a bunch of words? He already said this, but he really wants to hammer home the message that the average ticket price won't be going up so he'll repeat it again here and then go into some more background (translation: more words to distract us).

To set our pricing in 2011, we examined approximately 5 million transactions from our primary and secondary ticket markets from 2005 through 2010. Our goal was to keep our average ticket price flat overall but improve the alignment of pricing for games and seating sections with actual demand. The result is a market-based ticket model that reflects our fans' buying patterns.

They are segmenting their fanbase based on past ticket buying patterns and splitting the stadium and games into appropriate categories to maximize their profit from every segment. There is nothing sinister about this and they are actually being very smart in not lumping all Cubs fans into one massive group. The duplicitous thing they are doing is talking about a few segments being helped by their price adjustments as if it was benefiting a large percentage of the season ticket holders, which is just not true.

The highlights include: (1) reducing the average ticket price for all gold, silver and bronze games, (2) separating the bleachers and grandstands in the pricing tiers, as the buying patterns vary significantly for each area, and (3) adding a new fifth tier of pricing (Marquee Tier) for our highest demand games.

1) Yay!
2) That's a highlight?
3) Uh. Oh.

Cutting through it all, the net result for our season ticket holders is that some will see a slight (in all cases, less than 3%) increase, others will see a reduction as much as 6% and some will see virtually no change at all.

Oh ho! There's the increase snuck in there amongst all the good news and tier talk. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to sneak that by us in Aisle 424, Tom.

So let's take Tom's approach and cut through it all. I would be shocked if the percentage of season ticket holders that actually see a drop in their overall price from 2010 is over 20%. I'd actually be surprised if it was higher than 15%, but I'm being conservative.

Folks holding tickets in the infield portion of the stadium are mostly full plan holders, so they will benefit slightly from an increase in the number of cheaper Crappy Level games, but that will get negated by the boost of including the new Mega-Maxi-Super-Duper-Snazzy-Marquee-alicious Tier in the package. They also will not benefit from those 550,000 tickets that are under $20 that Tom mentioned before.

Anyone grandfathered into the Combo Plan (nights and weekends) isn't benefiting from all of their restructuring since the price drops will all be in games not included in their package. I would gather this group will almost assuredly be in the group whose prices actually go up since they now have the Premiere-Ultra-Awesome-Happy-Fun-Luxury Tier games to pay for without anything to offset that cost.

The folks who will benefit are the Bleacher season ticket holders (Yellon and his three friends), and the folks who sit way down the lines and/or far under the upper deck in the Terrace Reserved sections. Like I said before, the percentage of season ticket holders in these sections is small. This new pricing structure is actually much more beneficial to the single game buyers like the families Tom talked about a million words ago.

It's all very simple. Oh, there's a separate pricing structure for bleachers now too?

But Tom, always crafty, has packaged this into his announcement to season ticket holders, and tried to bury it as best he could. Now he's going to talk about a bunch of stuff that has little to do with the baseball team being good as a way to continue to sell us on what a good deal season tickets are.

Other changes in 2011 include new season ticket holder benefits. Over the years, we have added significant benefits to being a Cubs season ticket holder, such as a dedicated area within our website, early access to Spring Training tickets and other special events (such as the very popular Dave Matthews concerts and Allstate Wrigleyville Classic football game coming in November), and last year's open house.

Dude, we just want the team to fucking win. Seriously. Do that and I'll volunteer to let any member of the Cubs organization punch me in the ding and take a dollar from me. You can form a line. It will be totally worth it.

For 2011, there are a number of new benefits that I think you will find interesting. Among them is exclusive access to our players, coaches, manager, front office and ownership through Cubs Insider Webcasts that will occur throughout the year. In addition to updates on everything happening inside the ballclub, these webcasts will provide you the opportunity to ask questions on topics of your choice. A Season Ticket Holder Benefit page follows this letter and you should ask your Cubs representative about any of the items listed there.

Finally! A chance to have my question answered about what brand of chewing gum Justin Berg prefers!

Actually, as a Cubs blogger, the Webcasts would probably be pure gold as they shove more contrived crap into our consciousness than the people at Vineline could possibly dream. Get ready to learn way more about Starlin Castro than any normal human being should ever want.

The long and short of it is: the Cubs have lowered prices on games you either don't want to see or can't see because you have a job, and on the seats that you don't want to sit in unless you have to because all of the other good seats are sold. They have raised ticket prices on all the really good games because they know they can and they will still sell them out. I'm actually shocked at their restraint in how much they've bumped them.

They can talk about families all they want and how much they care about us, but when it comes down to it, this was about adjusting the single game pricing structure to maximize those revenues while still collecting the full amount of revenue from season ticket holders that they count on each and every year.

Part 5 - The Final Chapter

So, if you have been following along, Tom Ricketts' letter to the season ticket holders has now reached epic proportions. He has used many, many, many, many words to explain things that really shouldn't be that hard to succinctly discuss:

Cubs fans are important to the Ricketts family
Families are important to the Ricketts family
The Cubs were disappointing in 2010, except for the end part when they were awesome
2011 will be a continuation of the awesome part
Some ticket prices will go up for some games and seats, but not others, when they may go down, or not
The new ticket prices make it easier for families to go to Cubs games
Twelve drummers drumming, eleven pipers piping, ten lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five golden rings!, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree

After all of this, you may be asking yourself if you can expect to see any more major changes in Wrigley Field itself in 2011. You will be happy to know that the answer to that question is... maybe.

Like you, we love Wrigley Field and are committed to winning a championship at the Friendly Confines. We all need to recognize, however, that our wonderful Wrigley Field is fast approaching 100 years of age and is in need of substantial improvements. We committed over $10 million to that effort last year, largely to improve restrooms, add new food options, recast concrete, upgrade steel and other general maintenance. We will continue this effort in 2011 but again the focus will be more tactical than strategic.

Yes, the urinals and the bison dogs, how can we forget? Sounds like more of the same little tweaks that they will herald later as grand sweeping changes are in store for us in 2011. Seriously, did anybody notice an appreciable difference in the bathrooms? The one change I noticed was that the sign above the sink that said "sink" to differentiate itself from the troughs was not there when the season began and then re-appeared at some point in the middle of the season.

I honestly have no idea if this is a Before or After picture.

The bison dogs were tasty from what I remember. I didn't have one after the month of May because I had stopped buying anything in the ballpark as a personal protest. But whatever, they didn't suck, which was nice compared to what we were offered on the baseball field while we ate the damn things.

So who knows what will come next. Ketchup and mustard packets instead of the dispensers that always cause a log jam at the condiment/napkin stations because everyone is trying to unwrap their food to be able to apply some mustard? Miller Park and a few other ballparks have little kiosks that serve freshly roasted nuts with cinnamon and sugar. Those are awesome. Maybe something like that? I might even buy some of those even if the team sucks next year.

Whatever it is they have planned, it doesn't sound like it will be of much consequence in the grand scheme of things, so you have to wonder why Tom bothered to bring it up at all, but he was on a roll.

We spent much of the 2010 season assembling a team of renowned architects, engineers, designers and project managers to develop a master plan for a more significant Wrigley Field overhaul and Triangle Building development. Our planning will continue in 2011 and your involvement through the quality assurance surveys mentioned earlier is very important. We look forward to completing the analysis phase and getting underway with the construction and occupation phase.

The Triangle Building! Bet you had forgotten all about that with all the noodles and Toyota signs and the team sucking and all, but there it is still getting planned. Look at them plan. Plan, plan, plan. They should charge money to have fans be able to watch them plan.

They are looking forward to turning the plans into reality though, as should you because there will be all kinds of different ways to separate us from our money in the Triangle Building. They just have to finish planning how. Hopefully their plans for the Triangle Building are more solid than their plans for building a World Series contender.

I guess as long as it isn't the same people that designed the Soldier Field spaceship thing, I don't care that much, but it sure was nice of Tom to keep us informed that nothing specific can be divulged at this time.

Conclusion

We were in Year One when this started, what year is it now?

Thank you again for your incredible support of Cubs baseball and the Ricketts family. We have spent our adult lives sitting next to you cheering for our team. We now have the responsibility to improve not only the play on the field but also to protect and save our summer home, Wrigley Field. With your help we will accomplish both.

It is pretty incredible that so many people love this team so much when they never, ever fulfill that love and devotion by ending a season with a playoff win.

Think about it, Tom openly admitted that payroll is going to go down (and therefore the realistic expectations of being a contender also go down), and at the same time they've said they'll pretty much be charging us the same rates as last year (which was supposed to be a contending team). I haven't seen much backlash about that. We, as a fanbase, seem pretty much OK with it since they aren't actually raising the rates (except when they are for some people).

That is incredible. It really is.

I did notice a slight clerical error at the end though.

"With your ~~help~~ money we will (hope, pray and ultimately fail to) accomplish both."

Fixed. You're welcome.

Sincerely,
Tom

Thanks, Tom. Do you take personal checks?

Retro Post: Coming Soon: The Magical Cubdom

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 17:13:00 +0000

The Heckler published a great cartoon today that captures Tom Ricketts' vision for Wrigley as well as anything I've ever seen:

It reminded me of my post from about a year ago that pretty much saw this sort of thing coming. I still haven't gotten my royalty check from the Cubs.

Coming Soon: The Magical Cubdom

The Cubs announced today that they would be unveiling a new statue outside of Wrigley for Billy Williams this coming September. That is nice and I want to say up front that I don't necessarily believe that Billy doesn't deserve it, but it begs the question: What is next?

For those of you keeping score at home, the Cubs have six players numbers retired represented by the five flags hanging on the fair poles. Those same fair poles have the Hey Hey memorials to Jack Brickhouse. Harry Caray gets the pressbox caricature and the statue outside the Captain Morgan's Club. Ernie Banks has his statue by the ticket windows. There are flags waiving on the rooftop that commemorate every Cubs playoff appearance and important players, events, and even a former owner.

Now Billy gets his own statue. That's nice.

I guess I didn't think that another statue was really necessary to properly commemorate any more players on a team that hasn't won anything since before the Titanic was built.

I think the problem is that they went a little too overboard on the commemoration of broadcasters to the point where it became obvious that they were lacking in solid memorials to great players. Since the Harry Statue went up in 1999, the Cubs have retired the numbers of Santo, Sandberg, Jenkins, and Maddux and they added the Banks statue. I guess I thought that was enough to balance it out. Especially since there really hasn't been a whole lot of winning on the North Side about which we should get all nostalgic.

What it boils down to is that the Cubs are going full bore ahead with their plans to make Wrigley a baseball version of Disney World. If they have to build a few statues to support a revisionist view of their past history of failure, that is exactly what they are going to do.

If you go to Adventureland in the Magic Kingdom, you don't get an actual jungle experience. There are no warring tribes, bugs the size of a Volkswagen (though with it being in Florida, this part is actually pretty close), and people dying of malaria, dysentary, or ebola. You get happy natives and friendly British explorers who have no intentions of enslaving the darker skinned people. You get friendly animals banding together to defeat the more harshly designed, mean looking animals that are only violent because they are bad eggs, not because they are naturally carnivores looking to survive in a harsh environment. It is good clean fun and no one cares that it isn't close to reality. In fact, they prefer it isn't and they pay big bucks to escape reality for a while.

Wrigley Field has real potential to become a place where reality is suspended and we as fans can pay a lot of money to walk down memory lane to the great teams of Cubs past. I've been giving it some thought, and I think I've come up with some good attractions that could enhance the experience:

Audioanimatronic Harry (voice provided by Ryan Dempster) - An interactive computer program will allow a virtual Harry to mispronounce visitors' names as he would if he were calling a game.
The College of Coaches Jamboree - Audioanimatronic versions of El Tappe, Goldie Holt, Bobby Adams, Harry Craft, Verlon Walker, Ripper Collins, Vedie Himsl and Charlie Grimm will sing a medley of classics like "Go Cubs Go" and "It's a Beautiful Day For a Ballgame"
The Carousel of Diminutive Middle Infielders - this could be audioanimatronic or it could help keep guys like Manny Alexander, Neifi Perez, and Aaron Miles out of the unemployment line.
Journey to the Bottom of Yosh Kawano's Laundry Bag - kids can attempt to find the lucky soiled jock strap to win a prize.
Michael Barrett's Punching Gallery - visitors can choose to be Michael Barret and punch A.J. Pierzynski, or they can choose to be Carlos Zambrano and punch Michael Barrett. It's win/win.
It's a Small Strike Zone Afterall - where visitors attempt to throw a virtual pitch on 3 and 2 to complete a perfect game that Bruce Froemming doesn't call a ball.
Honey, I Shrunk My Testicles - where visitors try to hit virtual homeruns as Sammy Sosa or Rafael Palmeiro for prize tickets and they can use virtual cream, clear, or needles to enhance their power. But watch out! If you get caught you have to go sit and explain yourself in the Hall of Congressional Committees, but you get to keep the prize tickets.
Cindy Sandberg's Wild Ride (Adults only)
Wait 'Til Next Year! - this is just a long line that never ends.

Mr. Kenney, please feel free to e-mail me to find out where to send the royalty checks. Thanks.

Illinois Thinks Helping Delayed Children is a Part-Time Job

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 05:33:00 +0000

I'm trying to figure out Illinois State Representative Raymond Poe. It says on the Illinois General Assembly website that Mr. Poe has three children and eight grandchildren. So I'm sure he is familiar with the feelings that parents and grandparents have when they are hoping and praying the additions to their families are born without complications and have the capacity to develop and grow normally.

But I wonder if he knows what it's like when a child is born with syndromes that prevent normal development or physical problems that require therapy. I guess none of his kids or grandkids needed any special attention or assistance as babies.

I assume that is the case because I don't know how else someone could introduce a bill regulating the state's support of early intervention therapy with the following clause:

State-approved public or private early intervention providers shall not exceed 30 billable hours per 7-day week.

There is already a shortage of qualified service providers in early intervention (probably due to the fact that the state routinely falls six months behind in payment for the services), but now they don't want to let anyone who is capable of helping these children do it as their full-time job? So I'm trying to think of a rationale that explains the proposal of such a bill.

Maybe Mr. Poe is a big Jenny McCarthy fan and saw on the Oprah show that she had cured autism and figures these services aren't as necessary anymore.

Maybe.

No. Probably not.

Maybe he is a big believer in the study by Andrew Wakefield that concluded that giving children vaccinations contributed to autism. Maybe he didn't see that the study was debunked because it was determined Wakefield falsified data.

Maybe Mr. Poe just doesn't give a damn about children.

But then if you go to his website you can see that he recently passed a bill that allows Newborn Metabolic Screenings without administrative charges or charge-backs:

“In the past, the Newborn Metabolic Screening funds have been subject to administrative charge-backs in Illinois,” said Poe. “As a result, the healths of thousands of babies have been put at unnecessary risk. To ensure that this does not happen again, I worked with the March of Dimes on this important piece of legislation to help ensure that any disorders are detected and treated early.”

Se he obviously knows how important early detection of disorders are to the health of children, but now he wants to restrict those who are qualified to help once the problems are detected? It just doesn't make sense.

I'm sure this is being proposed as a means to close the gap in our state budget that has been left to implode on itself while Blagojevich bided his time and padded his resume for his eventual... ... bid for President... ... of the United States... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... excuse me.

But who is going to regulate which providers are staying within the new guidelines? Some assistant therapists don't have their own billing numbers so they have to bill through a therapist that hires them. Does that mean the assistant is out of luck since the main therapist isn't going to waste the 30 billable hours on an employee when they need to put food on their own table? If not, who is going to sift through all the invoices to determine who gets what money? Will assistants get their own billing codes? Who will administer the rollout and management of that system? It sounds like they'll have to add a few positions in the state government and the people who fill those positions are probably going to want a salary and I'll bet they're full-time positions.

It seems like a whole lot of wasted effort and money on a regulation that won't end up saving the state much to begin with AND will drive even more qualified therapists into different lines of work because they can't afford to be part-timers.

I just don't get it.

Retro Post: Best. Birthday. Ever

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 19:15:00 +0000

Of course, no retrospective of Tales from Aisle 424 would be complete without a post about my best birthday ever, which also happened to be The Sandberg Game. There is very little video left of this game online anywhere, so we have to make do with the MLB version that features Bob Costas from the NBC Game of the Week broadcast. Harry's call is better, of course, but I can't find that anywhere at the moment.

I did this post on the 25th anniversary of The Sandberg Game, otherwise known as my 37th birthday. It's not as good a post as the game was, but I still like it as a window into how I'm still a Cubs fan after all of these years of failure. Something in me still has the twelve-year-old's belief that miracles can happen.

Best. Birthday. Ever.

Today is the 25th anniversary of one of the best days of my life up to this point. Of course, every Cub fan knows that June 23, 1984 was The Sandberg Game, but it also happened to be my twelfth birthday. My present that year was to go to the game on my birthday with my Dad.

I had moved to Western New York the previous summer, so I was down to seeing maybe one Cubs game per year, and June 23rd was my one game of the 1984 season.

When you are twelve years old, the innocence and naivety in which you a view a game is not something that can be duplicated later in life. Age and experience will cause you to learn that most things are not too good to be true, heroes are flawed, and cheering for the Cubs will inevitably bring pain and suffering. But at twelve, you believe in things. You are beyond optimism in your sureness that your heroes will reward your love.

I don't know how I would have viewed the events that transpired on that sunny day in June if I had been older. I may have been more pissed about Steve Trout getting hammered for seven runs in less than 2 innings. It may have struck home more with me that Willie McGee was absolutely tearing the Cubs apart all day. The entrance of Bruce Sutter, former Cub and dominant reliever might have filled me with more dread. I may have hated Lee Smith for giving up those two runs in the 10th after Sandberg had heroically brought the Cubs all the way back to tie it in the 9th.

I just don't know how I would have viewed those events if they happened today.

At that point, I don't think I realized that the Cubs were down 7-1 in the second inning. I knew they were behind, and I may have even known the exact score, but when you are twelve, a six-run lead doesn't matter as much to your psyche. You believe that the Cubs could come back, and they sure did. Sandberg was 3 for 4 with four RBIs as they fought back to make it 9-8 after the sixth inning, but that is the way the game stayed until the ninth inning.

I was old enough to have remembered when the Cubs traded Bruce Sutter for Leon Durham and Ken Reitz, so I knew how good Sutter was when he entered the game. I also knew that Ryne Sandberg was leading off the ninth inning. I believed that Ryne Sandberg could tie the game, even when the rest of the world may have only been wishing and hoping.

My dad and I were sitting down the third base line in the Upper Deck Box seats, probably right above the bullpen, so we had an excellent view of the trajectory of the ball hit by Sandberg in the ninth. We knew it was gone before it cleared the infield.

I watch the videos of that day and see the footage of the people in the stands going crazy, and I don't think it comes close to capturing the joy and bedlam in the stands as that ball hit the back rows of the bleachers.

This was a team that had SUCKED for the entirety of my baseball viewing life at that point. 1969 was but a mere fairy tale to me of days long past and glories all but forgotten. The 1984 team was the first team that had really exhibited any real signs of life and potential to me.

I believed in that team because I knew that Ron Cey, Larry Bowa, and Gary Matthews had played for World Series teams. These were guys whose baseball cards you actually wanted. Plus we had picked up another player whose name I knew only by baseball card collecting, but knew he was an excellent pitcher, Rick Sutcliffe. Harry Caray told me how great Jody Davis was, and the impending greatness of our new Daily Double, Dernier and Sandberg.

Cubs fans were seeing their hopes that the relatively new ownership of the Tribune would be restoring the Cubs to prominence in the National League. The weight of the blown 1969 season and one crap team after another since were starting to fall away as the city fell in love with the Cubs. The Sandberg homerun was supposed to be the moment when the Cubs would stand up to Whitey Herzog's Cardinals and shove them around for awhile.

But, the Cardinals would not go away easily and there was Wille McGee in the middle of a two run inning that seemed to sap away all of the joy within moments. The Cubs were reverting back to form.

The Cubs came to bat in the tenth and I realized that Sandberg was due up fourth in the inning. I began to believe that all the Cubs needed to do was get a runner on base so Sandberg could come to the plate again. I remember asking my dad if he thought that Sandberg could come through again. I don't remember his exact words, but it was something to the effect of, "Let's hope he gets a chance."

It didn't look good when Sutter retired the first two batters in rather easy fashion. But then, Bobby Dernier managed a walk to keep the game alive and bring Ryno to the plate.

There are so many times in any baseball fans life where you try to will a homerun from your hero. Baseball being a game of failure, you walk away from the vast majority of those times sorely disappointed. That day, I didn't know if I was being a fool for believing Sandberg could hit another game-tying homerun off of one of the pre-eminent closers in the National League, but I also didn't care. I was SURE he could do it.

I was not alone in my beliefs that day, as the crowd seemed to sense that something special was about to happen.

When I said before that Wrigley erupted into bedlam after the first homerun, the second homerun caused the stadium to almost convulse and be torn apart by the sheer volume of the sound that erupted as soon as the ball launched off of Ryno's bat.

We knew it was gone at this moment.

Sutter knew it too.

I may eventually witness a Cubs World Series moment that will eclipse Sandberg's heroics that day, but nothing I have seen since comes close. I saw the Cubs beat the Brewers last year after being down 6-2 with two outs in the ninth. I saw Eric Karros launch a pinch homerun to take away Roger Clemen's 300th win. I was at the 1998 tie-breaker game. I saw the Cubs clinch the division last year. I've seen numerous epic battles with the White Sox, Brewers, and Cardinals.

I still get chills when I see replays of the Sandberg Game. I still can't believe I was there. Thanks, Dad.

Retro Post: Interview with the Baseball Gods

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 19:56:00 +0000

The following is another fun post where I get to put on my fake journalism hat and have a pretend interview in my head. In most cases, multiple personalities having conversations in your head is not considered healthy, but it worked out for this post. I don't know where I got the idea that the baseball gods were women, but once I had that idea, it all fell into place. Again, there weren't a ton of people reading at that time, so it's probably new to you. Enjoy.

Interview with the Baseball Gods

Anyone who has read this blog for any length of time, while probably getting driven irreparably insane, will also know that I can not be considered a journalist by any stretch of the imagination.

So, you can imagine how thrilled I am to have landed the biggest Cubs interview since Kellie Pickler visited the broadcast booth and enthralled us all with her two... um... I.Q. points.

Shortly after the latest Cubs loss to a pitcher only fantasy baseball geeks have ever heard of, I had an opportunity to sit down with the Baseball Gods to talk about baseball, the Cubs, and The Curse.

Aisle 424: First, I want to thank you all for being here and taking time out of your busy schedules. It is quite an honor. But before we get into the heavy stuff, can you introduce yourselves to my six readers?

Diane: Certainly. First, we are happy to be here and we look forward to clearing up some of the misconceptions that float around about us, particularly in the Cubs fan community. I'm Diane, God of Health, on my right is Cleo, God of Talent...

Cleo: Hello, it's great to be here.

Diane: ... and on my left is Felicity, God of Luck.

Felicity: Hello.

Aisle 424: I think when most people think of the Baseball Gods, they envision bearded Zeus-like men with bolts of lightning and such. Sitting here with you all now, I can't help but notice that you are all female. Where did such an erroneous stereotype begin?

Diane: Well, baseball has long been a male dominated game among the players, but women have a long tradition of appreciating baseball in all of its intricate beauty. If oversight of the game had been left in the hands of men, it would be far more needlessly violent and thuggish. You see what has happened with basketball.

Cleo: That is so true. It used to be such a beautiful game, but now its all razzle-dazzle followed by a giant man bullying his way to the basket and jamming it through while other giant men shove and smack him along the way. I don't know what those guys who run basketball have been thinking.

Felicity: I'll tell you what it is, they hang out with the Football Gods too much. Those guys are bad news if you ask me, but they know how to build revenues. I'll give them that.

Aisle 424: So being a Sports God involves building revenues for the sport?

Cleo: We'd be lying if we didn't say that was part of it. Let's face it, this is the world as it is and sports are only going to survive by playing by the same rules as everyone else, and that includes making some money, sure, but that isn't everything.

Felicity: At least it shouldn't be. You have to think of the game itself. You have to keep the essence of what makes the game great. When they brought in some new female leadership to the Hockey Gods, things started turning around for that sport.

Diane: That is a GREAT example. They kept some of the fighting, which again, let's face it, that is part of the game of Hockey, but they aren't so fixated on it anymore. They started getting back to the skating and the passing and the scoring. Plus, they stopped letting every damn team into the playoffs.

Aisle 424: I see, so you three have been charged with overseeing the overall wellness of the game of baseball in all of its aspects?

Felicity: That pretty much covers it.

Aisle 424: So do you work with Bud Selig?

(laughter)

Cleo: Oh my, I was told you were funny, but that caught me off guard...

Felicity: Damn it, I'm crying that was so damn funny. Do you have a tissue?

Aisle 424: So, you don't work with him.

Diane: No, no, no, no, no. He works FOR us. He might not realize it fully. Frankly, I think that he thinks that he runs the show, but that's just his own ignorance. He wouldn't be able to wipe his own ass if we didn't allow him to.

Aisle 424: OK, well it's clear who's in charge, so let's get right into the guts of what Cubs fans want to know: Why do you hate the Chicago Cubs so much?

(laughter)

Diane: Yes, that certainly is direct. I do appreciate your candor so we are going to tell you a little secret: We don't hate the Cubs.

Aisle 424: Really?

Cleo: You seem surprised by that.

Aisle 424: Well, forgive me, but I have been operating under the assumption that there was a massive supernatural conspiracy against the Cubs.

Felicity: Oh, well sure, there is. But you asked why we hate the Cubs. We don't at all. We hate the Yankees.

Aisle 424: What?!! How can you say that?! They have 26 World Championships!

Cleo: This is why there is so much confusion. You and most Cub fans have misunderstood these things for years. You equate a drought of championships to mean that we hold a grudge against your team and its fans. You equate World Series victories with some kind of approval from us. That isn't it at all.

Aisle 424: I am so confused.

Diane: We know. It's cute. But think about it, how many happy Yankee fans do you know?

Aisle 424: I know they are always pretty happy after they win a World Series.

Diane: Yes, for about a minute. Then they go back to their sad lives of obsessing over how they can possibly win ANOTHER championship the next year. They win three in a row, four out of five and do you know they can't get past Luis Gonzalez keeping them from four in a row? Or why they didn't have five in a row to begin with? What the hell kind of life is that?

Cleo: They HATE the Red Sox for infringing on their "property" a couple of times. They can't deal with any other team having even a small amount of success because it means they have FAILED in their minds. It doesn't matter how often they beat the Red Sox down in the past or how often they will in the future, they will hate Boston to the core until they die.

Felicity: They have an addiction and it consumes them. They derive no joy from win after win. Pardon my French, but they want to boo the shit out of Joe Torre for crying out loud. The man resurrected them from a huge (in their eyes) slump of championships and they would punch him in the head if they had a chance.

Aisle 424: So, let's say I buy into this, "We hate the Yankees and will curse them with seemingly unbounded success." Why do you hate them?

Cleo: Because they are so damn full of themselves. You'd think that they were the ones who orchestrated the trade for Babe Ruth themselves. They think they did something to DESERVE Babe Ruth. We made Babe Ruth. We bestowed him on the Yankees and they go and act like their shit doesn't stink because of it.

Diane: So we gave them Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle, and Yogi too. These poor bastards on the team now have no chance of ever replacing the Golden Gods of Yankees Past. A-Rod? Seriously? That guy could hit 2,000 homeruns a season and have drug tests as pure as the driven snow, and if he pops up once with a runner at third with less than two outs, he'll hear for two weeks that he'll never be a "real Yankee." They love Teixiera now, but wait until he strikes out with runners on in the playoffs. They're getting on Jeter now for being over-rated. Derek Jeter. This guy was the heart and soul of those teams and he takes crap for losing a step and not having the greatest range in the world at short. These people would boo the second coming of Babe Ruth. That is why we hate them. The sense of entitlement.

Aisle 424: So the Cubs drought of 100 years isn't because you hate the Cubs? Then why?

Felicity: Because it makes us laugh.

Cleo: Absolutely, there is no ill-will. We just find it funny. Don't you?

Aisle 424: How is it funny? There are fans that have been born, lived to a ripe old age and then died without ever seeing a Cubs championship. That's funny?

Diane: Maybe funny is too strong a word. Perhaps it would be better to say it amuses us. It is a great story of longing and yearning and unfulfilled love. It's great. Women love that sort of stuff. Why do you think that the Twilight crap is so popular? Cubs baseball is the same sort of thing only with more substance and real drama.

Aisle 424: So the Bartman ball, the ball between Durham's legs, the injuries to Prior and Wood, the collapse of 1969 and all the rest was orchestrated for your amusement?

Felicity: You are thinking far too simplistically. We didn't make Steve Bartman do anything. Durham simply took his eye off the ball, and 1969 is the greatest piece of marketing and over-hype we have pulled off yet.

Cleo: On September 2, 1969 the Cubs had 84 wins and the Mets had 77. The Mets went on a 23-7 run to end up with 100 wins. The Cubs only won 8 more games, but they would have had to go 17-9 down the stretch to end up the season ahead of the Mets. The Cubs weren't winning in 1969. The Mets would have run them down anyway. The collapse makes for a better story though. It led to all sorts of excuses from a mangy cat at Shea Stadium to playing too many day games. It is all part of the grand plan.

Diane: We don't involve ourselves in the minutia of individual games very often. We are more into the big picture. We simply orchestrate situations that come together to maintain the order and balance that a championshipless Cubs team provides.

Aisle 424: So how is destroying Mark Prior's career not involving yourself in minutia?

Diane: Mark Prior was doomed from the start.
Aisle 424: So you weren't involved at all?

Felicity: You just aren't getting it at all. This is the problem with men. We orchestrated the whole situation to provide the Cubs with the opportunity to even have Mark Prior in the first place. We made sure that the Cubs were crappy enough the year before to get a great draft pick. We made sure that the pre-draft hype was so high that the Twins wouldn't even think about trying to sign him. We held his body together with our sheer will power so he could excel on the mound for just long enough to get everyone to start pre-enshrining him in the Hall of Fame. Then we just let the natural order take its course.

Cleo: See? We just add a few elements of drama to keep things interesting. We didn't force Bartman into interfering. We guided that ball to a spot that was almost out of reach for Alou, but not quite. You've seen the video and the pictures. Everyone in that area was reaching for the ball. Bartman was the one who happened to touch it.

Diane: We actually felt bad about that because we didn't mean for anyone to get killed over it, so we did make Gonzalez drop that ground ball shortly after to take some of the heat off that poor kid. It didn't work completely, but I think he's alive today because it couldn't be spun as COMPLETELY his fault.

Aisle 424: But why? Why the Cubs?

Felicity: We honestly didn't think you minded that much. You pack that ballpark even though ticket prices go up almost every year. You put bleachers on top of buildings across the street so you can catch a glimpse. You dance around like you've won the World Series after winning a regular season game against the damn Brewers. You seem pretty happy.

Diane: Plus, you seem to have so much fun with the whole goat thing. For awhile I thought you guys were playing along with us.

Cleo: We messed with the Red Sox and they just got PISSED! White Sox fans just ended up going insane and a little psychotic. Cubs fans just kept rolling with it. They blamed a goat, made some t-shirts, and kept singing "Go Cubs Go." Why would we end that party?

Aisle 424: But what about the fans that hate all that crap? What about the ones who would demolish Wrigley Field after it was re-named Wal-Mart Field at Cisco Systems Park if it meant seeing a Cubs World Series victory before we die?

Diane: We're not saying that everyone should be happy about it and we do feel for the people who suffer and die a little with every Cubs failure, but we're really quite proud of how long we have kept this going. There are going to be a few casualties, which is regrettable, but the long-term benefits are too great.

Cleo: Think about it, every time the Cubs manage to get close, it starts a whole new resurgence in the "Cubs Mystique" and the undying loyalty of the fans when faced with unending adversity. It's good for the game. Remember, we need to make sure the game itself remains healthy. It needs a tragic hero as much as it needs a villain like the Yankees.

Aisle 424: So there will be no World Series this year?

Felicity: We're not going to comment on that except to say you all can probably safely make plans to go out of town in October.

Aisle 424: Is there anything that can end the conspiracy?

Diane: It might play itself out at some point. People might get bored with this storyline. You can't milk the "will they/won't they" angle forever. But for now, we have some really nice sub-plots that are in process. We're particularly proud of orchestrating a global financial collapse that prevented one of the biggest cash cows of the last quarter century to sit on the market for over two years and ending up preventing them from making any serious mid-season adjustments to a roster that is already overpaid. That took some doing.

Felicity: We put in a lot of overtime on that one. But we love what we do, so it really is a blessing to work with these ladies. Remember when we got the United States involved in World War II so that Wrigley would donate the metal for the lights to the war effort? That got another 40 years worth of excuses. Cleo, that was your baby, wasn't it?

Cleo: Oh stop. I might have kicked off the idea, but we all pulled together to make it work. Felicity arranged to put the team on WGN and planted the idea of marketing the "romanticism" of day baseball. I remember, Diane came in one day and said, "What if we put ivy on the walls, wouldn't that be pretty?" We just wove that into the mythology. It really is a work of art, and to ask us to stop now is almost like asking Michaelangelo to just put a coat of stucco on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel instead of a painting.

Aisle 424: Well, this certainly has been enlightening despite being wholly depressing.

Diane: We are sorry about that. You seem like a good guy and you are obviously taking it all very hard. Maybe we can help out a little.

Aisle 424: Can't you allow the Cubs to win it this year before I either die or can't afford the tickets anymore when PSL's arrive with the new owner?

Felicity: I'm afraid I can't promise anything like that. You'll have to stay tuned. What if we gave Milton Bradley his power-stroke back?

Aisle 424: Won't you just injure him after a couple of good games?

Cleo: You're starting to get it. There may be hope for you yet.

Aisle 424: Thanks, I guess. Again, I appreciate you sitting down and talking with me. Perhaps we can do it again some time?

Diane: You bet. We're not going anywhere anytime soon.

Shocking News About Marlon Byrd If You've Been Asleep For Two Years

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 21:49:00 +0000

Marlon Byrd is a client of Victor Conte! ZOMG! You mean the guy who was behind BALCO?! The guy who provided Barry Bonds with the liquid concentrated evil that gave him the power to break the noble game of baseball's hallowed homerun records? THAT Victor Conte?! Holy crap! When did this come out?

In 2009.

Seriously. This revelation was made almost two full years ago. Steve Henson at Yahoo! Sports wrote about Byrd's business relationship with Victor Conte on June 24, 2009:

Byrd was so pleased that he agreed to promote the products, to become a “SNAC athlete.” Byrd sent Conte a photo of himself crushing a baseball and signed it: “To Victor. Thanks for the help. The man with the plan.” Just last week Conte added the photo to an online gallery that includes obviously juiced body builders as well as Bonds, Jones, Romanowski and other pro athletes whose careers are forever linked to steroids.

Henson even included a detailed list of the exact supplements Byrd was receiving from Conte:

Soon tubs of “Proglycosyn: The Ultimate Post-Workout Recovery Formula,” tubes of “Physiobalm: Muscle and Joint Rejuvenator,” and bottles of “Aerobitine: The Ultimate Anti-Fatigue/Fat Loss Formula,” “Vitalyze: The Mental and Physical Performance Enhancer” and “ZMA: Rapid Anabolic Sleep Enhancer” began arriving at Byrd’s New Jersey home. Later he had the products sent to the Rangers’ spring training site in Surprise, Ariz., and to the Rangers’ clubhouse in Arlington, Texas.

So the cat was pretty much out of the bag at that point. The toothpaste was out of the tube. The beans had been spilled. Basically, this is old news. So why am I writing about it here in 2011? No, this is not one of my Retro Posts where I re-hash an old post as new content in a fit of nostalgia. For some reason, the media is talking about Marlon Byrd and Victor Conte again. I have no idea why.

For reasons passing understanding, HBO did a bit about Byrd and Conte on "Real Sports" in February and now everyone is talking about Conte and Byrd again like we are just now learning of the relationship. This would be like if TMZ reported that Ellen Degeneres is a lesbian. We already knew that and we either don't care or we have moved on from our shock.

But Carrie Muskat followed the HBO story with her take that included the following quote from Byrd:

"I want to say all Major League Baseball knew when it came out," Byrd said of his relationship with Conte. "I'm sure the Cubs knew. They wouldn't have signed me if there were any worries. I'm a supplement guy. The Phillies knew it when I was drafted. I looked the same way."

Exactly, Marlon. Everybody already knows. It is not news.

Nevertheless the story probably made Bud Selig feel like he had to say something about the Byrd/Conte pairing or it would seem that he doesn't care. He probably doesn't care, but he can't SEEM like he doesn't care, so he had to get on a soapbox. Per Gordon Wittenmyer on March 6:

"We’ve talked to him, and he knows how we feel," commissioner Bud Selig said Saturday in Mesa. "It’s not a situation that makes me very happy."

Again, I'll leave it to Marlon to put this in perspective:

Byrd’s response to Selig’s comments: "We talked about it in 2009. I mean, it’s 2011."

Well, that ought to make this non-story go away. Nope. Bruce Levine still has to get in his two cents about Byrd feeling pressured by MLB as a result of his relationship with Conte.

So here are the facts as we know them and as we have known them since 2009:

Marlon Byrd is a client of Victor Conte
Byrd has never made any attempt to cover that relationship and talks about it freely
Byrd has never failed a mandatory random drug test
The list of supplements Byrd uses are not banned by MLB
Water is wet
Ulysses S. Grant is buried in Grant's Tomb

None of those things are news in 2011, so why are we still talking about it? Damned if I know, but that doesn't mean this will be the last we hear about it.

Retro Post: Inblogguration Address

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 16:36:00 +0000

MB has started running his old favorite posts from ACB as we prepare for the debut of Obstructed View, and since I'm not above stealing a good idea, I'll do the same over the next couple of weeks.

Speaking of stealing, the post below was created by taking President Obama's inauguration speech and tailoring it as a message of hope to Cubs fans. Yes, back when I first started this blog I had a sliver of hope remaining that they would eventually win something. Those were the days.

Anyway, I always liked how this post turned out and since I had three readers at the time, not many people saw it. It's obviously a little dated, but I still like it because it reminds me what it was like to have confidence in the Cubs. Someday, I hope to have that feeling again. Enjoy...

----------------------------------
Inblogguration Address

My fellow Cub fans:

I sit here before you on a couch in cyberspace, grateful for your stumbling upon this site while looking for nude photos of Jessica Alba.

Innumerable fans have taken the task of blogging about the Cubs before me. The words have been written during rising tides of prosperity and really crappy years that involve Doug Dascenzo coming in to pitch because the Cubs are losing by fifteen. At these moments, the Cubs have carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in the general manager's office, but because we the fans have remained faithful to the ideals of our forebears, and true to our dementia.

So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Cub fans.

That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our team is at war, against a far-reaching network of hateful baseball gods. Our lineup is badly weakened, a consequence of a bad leadoff hitter and no dependable left-handed power. Playoff games have been lost; phenoms traded; Dodger drain pipes shattered. Our tickets are too costly; the concession stand lines are too slow; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use Alfonso Soriano strengthen our adversaries and threaten our team.

These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics found by nerds on the internet. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our stadium — a nagging fear that the Cubs' decline is inevitable, and that the next generation of fans must lower its sights.

Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many.

They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, Cub fans— they will be met.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and bitching about Fukudome.

On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the poor fundamentals and false promises of "five-tool players" in our farm system, the injuries and worn out towel-drills, that for far too long have strangled our team.

We remain a young fan base, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things like the "We Got Wood" and "Horry Cow" t-shirts. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that no matter the score, some random minor celebrity will lead us in song during the 7th inning stretch.

In reaffirming the greatness of our team in the regular season, we understand that greatness is never a given in the playoffs. It must be earned. It is not a path for the faint-hearted — for those who prefer drinking beer in the bleachers, or seek only the pleasures of drunk co-eds in ripped pink Cub t-shirts.

Rather, it has been the season-ticket holders, the Die-Hards, the people who time and again pay four times face value on StubHub — some celebrated, like Vince Vaughn or Ronnie Woo, but more often men and women obscure in their fandom, who have picked up the tab for the numerous losing teams that have come before.

For the Cubs, they fought their way to their seats through crowds busy reading the ornamental bricks or having their pictures taken by the Harry statue. For the Cubs, they endured raised ticket price after raised ticket price with the same results every year. For the Cubs, they stood in long lines in freezing cold weather to buy what remaining single-game tickets they could get their hands on.

Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that they might get a seat without a big post in front of them, or closer to the beer vendors. They saw the Cubs as bigger than the sum of the individual mediocre players.

This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful team on the North Side of Chicago.

Everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the bullpen calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act — not only to create new nicknames for Kevin Gregg, but to argue constantly whether he should close or set up Marmol. We will build support back for Fukudome as a starting centerfielder. We will restore our faith in Aramis Ramirez to hit in the clutch. We will harness the power of the W flag to further fuel future victories. And we will transform our beliefs that Milton Bradley will be hurt before the All-Star break. All this we can do. All this we will do.

Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions — who suggest that the weight of the curse may be too powerful to overcome. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this team has already done back in the late 1800s and early 1900s; what the Cubs can achieve when there are only about four other teams and no such thing as free agency.

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them — that the stale curses about goats that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our players' salaries are too big or too small, but whether the team works — whether they can score a runner from third with less than two out, or have the relievers strand inherited runners while protecting a lead. Where the answer is yes, we intend to cheer wildly. Where the answer is no, blind support will end. Those who manage to boot routine ground balls or repeatedly get picked off second base will be held to account — to run the bases wisely, reform bad habits, and hit the ball to the right side — because only then can we restore the vital trust between a team and its fans.

Nor is the question before us whether Lou Piniella is a force for good or ill. His power to generate wins and playoff appearances for the Cubs is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, his strategies can spin out of control — and that a team cannot prosper long when it pulls an ace during the 6th inning of a tied playoff game, or gives a Game 1 start to a #3 pitcher.

Recall that earlier fans faced down White Sox and Cardinal fans not just with thrown beer and hot dogs, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our chanting of "right field sucks" alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to run on the field to attack coaches, umpires, or players. Instead, they knew that our power grows through the prudent use of mocking opposing outfielders; from the justness of throwing back opposing homerun balls, and never ever, under any circumstances, starting "The Wave."

We are the keepers of this legacy. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by showing up in our ballpark in opposing teams' uniforms and yelling "You suck," at the tops of their lungs, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you by pelting you with peanuts, and telling you that you are the ones who suck.

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a fan base of men and women, retirees and children — and tourists. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of WGN's broadcast range.

To the White Sox, we seek a new way forward, based on you not winning the World Series again before the Cubs do. To those managers on the South Side who seek to sow conflict, or blame their team's ills on the media bias — know that your fans will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy.

For as much as the players can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the Cub fans upon which this team relies.

So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of 1983, in the coldest of Aprils, a bad team was 5-14. Strategies were abandoned. The losses were mounting. The scorecards were littered with errors and strikeouts. At a moment when the success of the team was most in doubt, the manager uttered these words to the people:

"Fuck those fuckin' fans who come out here and say they're Cub fans that are supposed to be behind you rippin' every fuckin' thing you do. I'll tell you one fuckin' thing, I hope we get fuckin' hotter than shit, just to stuff it up them 3,000 fuckin' people that show up every fuckin' day, because if they're the real Chicago fuckin' fans, they can kiss my fuckin' ass right downtown and PRINT IT."

Cubs fans, in the face of back-to-back failed playoff performances and 100 years of futility, in this April 1983 of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us fuckin' stuff it up the fuckin' gods' asses, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not become White Sox fans nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and Harry's grace upon us, we carried forth and finally celebrated a World Series title.

Thank you. God bless you. And God bless the Chicago Cubs.

NFLPA Decides Owners Not Opening Their Financials is Worst Thing to Happen Today

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 23:38:00 +0000

I don't know why it would surprise me, so I guess I'm just a schmuck for thinking anyone who is involved in the NFL money machine would have any sort of conscience or even a sense of self-awareness to know when they are coming off like money-grubbing assholes.

You expect it from the owners. These guys didn't become multi-millionaries and billionaires by being overly sensitive to the needs of fellow human beings. But you see the United Way commercials with NFL players and you get fooled into thinking they might actually give a damn about their fellow human beings. I guess not.

Let's see if we can pick a worse day to have the players throw down and get all litigious over who gets what piece of the multi-billion dollar pie that makes them all rich (at worst) and wealthy (at best). Or more accurately, when they would stop pretending like they weren't planning on going down this road all along. Maybe the day after Katrina? 9/11? It's hard to find many days worse than today to quarrel over ungodly sums of money.

Let's face it, this day was coming. We all knew it. We knew that these two sides would not come to any sort of agreement at a conference table without serious missiles launched at each other through the press and public opinion and most likely, the judicial system. There was no way this was resolving itself peacefully and amicably. So today is the day the NFLPA decides to throw down the gauntlet and haul the courts into the mess?

Today. Japan is simultaneously flooded and on fire while its nuclear reactors are damaged and presenting even more danger. There are over 120 million people crammed onto that island and it is getting its ass kicked by tectonic plates and the ocean. There are scenes on CNN that look like they were lifted from Deep Impact or The Day After Tomorrow and now they are trying to avoid multiple Chernobyl-like disasters and the players chose today to flip off the owners and take their case to the courts.

Good move, boys. Way to really rally people to your plight of having to find ways to live on hundreds of thousands to millions of dollars per year. That couldn't wait a day or two? Extend the deadline over the weekend? That would have changed what? The deadline was already extended twice this week, what's one more time? They could have come out looking so good.

Imagine if the executive director of the NFLPA had met with the press and said something like, "While our position in these negotiations have not changed, the devastation occuring in Japan puts persepective on our dispute with the NFL owners and we feel it would be wrong to haggle about a deadline in a billion dollar industry while millions of people try to salvage their livelihoods in the wake of the earthquake and tsunami. We have proposed to the owners an extension of the deadline to negotiate from today at 5:00 PM to Monday at 5:00 PM. Hopefully, we can use this additional time to come to an amicable agreement that we are all striving for."

Then the ball is in the owner's court to either act like human beings or be total dicks. They would take the extension, I'm sure, but whether it changed the tone of negotiations or moved anybody towards an actual settlement is extremely unlikely. In all reality, Monday would have turned out like today and they would still be warring over the giant piles of money. So what would have changed? Maybe the perception that the sides tried to work something out when slapped in the face with the cold reality that no amount of money is going to help you when the earth decides it wants to destroy you? Maybe the players would come off as real people who are uncomfortable acting like millions of dollars is too little to live on while millions of people are suffering?

But no. They decided that since they were going to come to this endpoint anyway, they might as well do it today. So in a battle that is being fought in public relations, the players have basically told everyone that they don't give a damn about anybody but themselves. That's fine and all and I suppose that is the natural inclination for people when push comes to shove, but let's not get fooled by all of those humanitarian ads they air on game days. Sure, they might throw a few bucks here and there, or agree to get filmed reading Cat in the Hat to poor kids to look like they give a shit, but they clearly don't or their actions today would have felt wrong.

This really should have been their statement: "We're not going to let a little death and destruction across the planet in a place most of us can't locate on a map deter us from our quest to remain incredibly rich for playing a game for a living. We aren't Japanese. What has Japan ever done for the NFL? Fuck them. We want our money. We'll make some public service announcements about how we'll donate money to them when all of this is settled. That ought to be good enough."

The Day the Comedy Died

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 14:00:00 +0000

While this might be a little depressing a topic to start out Aisle 424's newer eclectic format, I wanted to commemorate a sad anniversary. Four years ago today, one of my heroes ended his own life with a shotgun. Richard Jeni's inner demons and psychiatric issues caught up with him and he left us too soon, but he left behind some of the funniest stand-up routines I have ever seen.

He didn't break a lot of new ground like George Carlin or gain the wide success of Jerry Seinfeld, but he crafted routines with perfect wording, incredible timing, and a truly hilarious perspective.

Below are some clips that still exist on YouTube from his HBO specials. If you need a laugh, these will do the trick and I assure you the entire specials are comedy gold from beginning to end. I don't know if you can get them on Netflix, but Platypus Man, Good Catholic Boy, and Big Steaming Pile of Me should be enjoyed by anyone who likes quality stand-up comedy.

Thanks again, Richard. I miss you.

The End of an Era and a New Hope

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 04:04:00 +0000

A couple of years ago on an interweb not that far away...

... I was looking for a way to channel my feelings about the Cubs into something more than just yelling at the television and boring Kris to death with rants about the importance of decent relief pitching. Thus, Tales from Aisle 424 was born and somehow survived amid the billions of Cubs blogs that are (or were) out there.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into or any real ideas of how many people would ever actually read about my opinions on the Cubs. But somehow, someway people found their way to this site and some of them actually returned regularly. Through this site, I've met people I would never have otherwise met who share my love and frustration with the Cubs. If nothing else, the internet is a wonderful tool for bringing crazy people together.

In that vein, I will soon be moving on to a new venture with some of the crazy people that I have gotten to know online through this whole experiment. Adam (who you may know from such podcasts as Wrigley Talk Friday and blogs such as ...And Counting), MB21 of Another Cubs Blog fame, and Berselius from The Sabertoothed Anteater (and contributor to ACB) will be joining forces with me on a new blog together.

Details are still coming together, but I figure that MB and Berselius will provide plenty of statistical analysis, Adam will be an eloquent voice of reason, and I'll handle the booger jokes. There will be plenty of snark to go around for all of us.

As much as I really liked doing my own thing here in Aisle 424, the timing for this venture is pretty good for me. For one, the realities of life prevent me from spending as much time on a blog as I might like so it gets difficult to consistently post interesting, fresh material on a consistent basis if I'm the only one doing the writing. Also, since I gave up my season tickets, the name of the blog has lost a little of its meaning. Yes, I'll still be going to plenty of games since I have a quarter share of a Combo Plan belonging to one of my Wrigley friends, but the seats are technically in Aisle 423.

So when MB contacted me and wondered if I'd be interested in banding together these guys as a kind of Destructicon of Cubs blogs, I thought it was a pretty good idea.

I think I'm the cement mixer.

We'll be announcing the start-up date (and the title and the links) for the new blog soon and I'm hoping the fine folks who stop by here will make another click to find me over there. I think it will be worth the effort as these guys are some of the most original and intelligent people currently writing about the Cubs and I'm proud to be a part of the new project. I hope they like booger jokes.

Thanks to everyone who has read, commented, and/or shared links over the last two years. Without your participation this blog would be little more than Carlos Zambrano's journal., very private and filled with lots of pent up anger aimed at the Cubs.

Aisle 424 will still be here and I might even update it occasionally with some musings on things that don't involve the Cubs. Originally, this was going to be a blog that focused mainly on the Cubs but would also discuss other sports, maybe some politics, and Chicago events, and such but I pretty much focused on the Cubs. Maybe I'll let Aisle 424 get a little eclectic now that most of my Cubs ramblings will have a new home.

So don't go and delete that link just yet.

Let's Try Playing the Quiet Game

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 18:20:00 +0000

There is a great scene in The West Wing where the press secretary, C.J. Cregg (Alison Janney) is being debriefed by the White House Counsel, Oliver Babish (Oliver Platt) about what she knew about the President not disclosing that he had Multiple Sclerosis during his first campaign run. The back and forth between the characters is fantastic and Platt and Cregg are just awesome in just about everything they do, so I love the scene. Oliver is trying to explain to C.J. how adversarial the prosecution is going to be and how her words are extremely important in her testimony. It ends with this exchange:

OLIVER: Do you know what time it is?

C.J.: It’s five past noon.

OLIVER: I’d like you to get out of the habit of doing that.

C.J.: Doing what?

OLIVER: Answering more than was asked. Do you know what time it is?

C.J.: Yes.

This is definitely a scene that should be watched by Mike Quade for his own good. He likes to talk and explain his reasonings behind his methods, and it is making his life with the reporters a little easier right now. But there is going to come a time (and it will probably be sooner rather than later) where his explanations aren't going to just get scrawled down on a notepad, or recorded for later transcription. What is simply being reported now is going to be gone over by any number of people in the media, in the blogosphere, and by fans on social media sites. He needs to stop answering more than was asked.

Right now, Quade is only getting hit by a few bloggers who wonder about why he would insist on treating his future star shortstop like a child, but as the losses pile up the scrutiny is going to increase. People are going to wonder why the batting order is the way it is. Why is so-and-so in the rotation? Do you think you should have pulled the starter when you did? Why did you leave the starter in so long? How come you didn't use Marmol for the fourth day in a row? Have you lost control of this team that has just lost five straight games?

The questions are endless. Ask Lou Piniella. He'll tell you what happens when the manager makes moves and the team loses games. People want answers when there really aren't any answers besides the team just isn't all that good. Or if you want to be charitable, because the team isn't playing well right at this very moment.

Lou had his absent-minded old grandpa routine he could fall into to deflect some of the criticism, and it worked as long as the team won more than it lost. But even Lou couldn't control the beast when the losses piled up faster than the wins.

Quade wants to give a thoughtful answer to just about every question he is asked. God bless him for trying, but there is going to come a time when some beat writer in this town is going to have a narrative that he thinks is good copy and he will work very hard to fit whatever quotes into that narrative. Quade is giving these guys way too much to work with.

He told a story about working with Soriano's defense in the outfield:

"He's cut, he's in great shape, he's ready to go from Day One," manager Mike Quade said. "We had to push him to really get into working out (in left). I ran him into the wall and hurt him once. That was not good."

That happened in the spring of 2008, and Soriano missed a few Cactus League games.

Quade said playing the wall is "one of the difficult things for outfielders — and Wrigley's walls are close, so you spend a lot of time near them — and I just decided we're going to do some wall work. I ran him into the darn thing, and he hurt his wrist. When you're an outfield coach for Lou (Piniella), you're going 'Oh, man, I'm looking for work. (Soriano) might miss a week, and I'm missing the end of the year."

That's a funny story and shows that Quade can get through to his veteran big-salaried players. It also just told a media that looks for any reason to dislike Soriano that he didn't like to practice defense when he sucks at it. I'd argue that two years ago Soriano was probably more concerned about trying to get his MVP-level offensive game back from 2006 than marginally improving his defense. Who knows? I wasn't there and Quade didn't give any context. So when Soriano messes up in the outfield (which he WILL do), there will be someone dredging up that quote to smear Soriano as someone who doesn't give a shit.

Now imagine that sort of thing happening repeatedly this year and on a larger scale. The media has any number of targets. Zambrano gets mentioned in just about every story about the Carlos Silva/Aramis Ramirez scuffle and he wasn't even in the damn ballpark when it happened. Aramis is basically in a contract year, so you know he can't win - if he plays well, then he is only making a push for a big contract and if he doesn't than to hell with him for being lazy and selfish. Castro will have to walk on water to meet the expectations set for him between what he did as a rookie and seeing how Derrick Rose has become a legitimate MVP player for the Bulls at such a young age. Byrd has ties to Victor Conte, which the media just now seems to be finding out about - I knew last year - how did I know before everyone else? Garza has been touted by the organization as an ace-level starter when nothing in his peripherals suggests that he actually is.

Every single one of these angles, plus a hundred more that we can't even conceive of yet are going to be thrown at Quade, and he is going to talk and talk and talk in an effort to satisfy the beast. Good luck with that, buddy.

Don't say it doesn't happen because we're seeing what happens when a coach says too much from the story about him stating there were members of the Miami Heat crying in the locker room. You don't think that coach wishes he could turn back time and delete that phrase from his post-game comments?

Quade seems to be a good guy, but he is going to learn one way or the other that the media is not his friend, nor will they treat him like a friend when things go bad this year. It's going to be interesting. The media hasn't had this much fodder since Tom Trebelhorn had his meet-and-greet at the firehouse on Waveland.

"Let me tell you a story about a man named Shh!"

4-2-4 is S-M-R-T

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 00:02:00 +0000

Earlier today, I went looking for a photo I used in an old post and realized I'm pretty smart.

Last August, I laid out a plan that I thought the Cubs would follow in order to pull the wool over our eyes in the effort to sell us the concept of hope. How accurate was I?

We will hear lots of talk about a revitalized minor league system that is starting to bear fruit. There will be an insistence that Tyler Colvin and Starlin Castro are just the beginning. They will leave out that pretty much anyone who has a realistic chance of helping out in 2011 is already here. We also won't hear much about Justin Berg.

Done. They also threw in Andrew Cashner to complete the triumvirate. We don't hear much about Justin Berg.

We will hear about the new attitude being brought in by whoever the new manager will be. It doesn't much matter who it is. The talking points will be the same. Just fill in the blanks with the appropriate names and imply that Lou was at fault all along:

"We are very pleased to have ____________ join us with the Chicago Cubs. He is the right man for the job as can readily be seen with his success with _____________ and ____________. We were looking for someone who can handle the major media market of Chicago, the egos of a veteran ballclub such as ours, and can interweave the burgeoning young talent from the farm system into the existing team. No disrespect to Lou Piniella, but we believe that _________ is the right man for the job right now and we are looking forward to celebrating a World Series title with him in the near future. Let's all welcome ____________!"

Done. Except they never actually mention Lou's name, but the implication that Quade is a ray of sunshine to clear up the curmudgeonly clouds of the Piniella Era has been crystal clear.

Aramis Ramirez will uncharacteristically show up at the Cubs Convention and talk about how painful his thumb injury was, but that it was no excuse and he will be ready to return to his former self in 2011. No one will mention that a thumb injury doesn't usually make one swing at pitches over one's head or that Ramirez hasn't really been the model of good health when he was younger than his 2011 age of 33 years old.

Done. I didn't see any bits where Aramis actually spoke, so I don't know if he mentioned the thumb, but the fact that he showed up at all is amazing and was at least a 10 to 1 shot when I called it in August. He has since talked at length about how he will be back this season.

Carlos Zambrano will be shipped out of town and there will be lots of talk about how disruptive having a situation like that dragging out over the course of the year can be. The consensus among players will be that the locker room will be much more relaxed in 2011 and they will be able to concentrate on the job at hand. They will leave out the fact that the Cubs will be paying about 90% of Zambrano's salary to play for someone else and that they used that script last year when Milton Bradley was sent on his way.

I missed on this one. I didn't figure they would instead ship away a handful of pretty decently rated prospects for a decent pitcher in the off-season. In my favor, they are talking about how relaxed everything is in the clubhouse this year, so maybe I get partial credit?

Either way, I'm batting at least .750 which should be good enough for a healthy signing bonus and a no trade clause.

Somehow This Must All Be Castro's Fault

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 00:40:00 +0000

I didn't see or hear any of the game today, but from keeping an eye on my Twitter feed, the Cubs may as well forget about bringing back the organ music and just go with a healthy dose of Yakety Sax at Wrigley this year.

But before the game started, Quade had some business to attend to with his 21-year old centerpiece of the organization (or so he is being billed with all of the Castro vs. Jeter billboards all over the place). Per Gordo:

Quade has "long talk" with Castro today about bearing down defensively and on bases.

How long could this talk have been? Here is how I imagine the discussion should probably have gone:

Quade: Hey there Starlin. You know, I really like how your discipline at the plate has improved over the last year and I love your aggressive approach, keep up the great work there. But I wanted to talk to you about your defense and base-running.

Castro: Yeah, I'm working at it, Skip.

Quade: I know. I know you are. Don't get me wrong. I don't want you to think I don't notice your efforts, but I really want you to focus on your concentration when you're out there.

Castro: I'll try, Skip.

Quade: Because defense and base-running are important too.

Castro: I know.

Quade: OK, because we can't keep giving outs away and pulling Theriots out there on the basepaths.

Castro: Ha ha ha. Yeah. I get it. I'll do my best, Skip.

Quade: That's all I wanted to hear.

Done. In fact, I think I was STILL pretty long-winded and patronizing in my little skit there. But I get the feeling that the actual conversation went on for awhile. It doesn't seem like a conversation they had as they passed each other in the dugout. It seems more like Quade pulled him into his office, closed the door and really got into details with Starlin, possibly involving illustrations and a twelve-step action plan with obtainable goals.

"I want you to memorize this diagram, son. Know it like the back of your hand."

Now, I'm as interested in the next guy as watching a team that is solid fundamentally, so I understand the reasoning behind wanting to stress these things, but why was Starlin singled out? The Cubs had made nine errors in three games, only one of them by Castro, and he's the one getting the sit-down talk about the importance of fundamentals?

It's not because he's young either because Colvin made two errors in the first game and (as far as has been reported) hasn't gotten a condescending lecture from the manager. Nor has Blake DeWitt and his two errors, Carlos Pena, Jeff Baker, Andrew Cashner, or Bobby Scales, the other culprits in the first three games.

Maybe they've all gotten a talking-to and we've only heard about the one involving Castro. Either way, somebody thinks that Castro is more deserving of being treated like a child, either the Cubs, the beat reporters, or both.

Then the game started and all hell broke loose as Castro added his second error of the spring to go along with Aramis Ramirez and Captain Fundamentals (aka Koyie Hill) all committing errors in the first inning. They later made two more to bring the total count of defensive miscues up to fourteen in four games. But the shoddy defense is actually taking a backseat to the fireworks in the dugout following the first inning.

According to Gordo, Soriano identified the combatants as Aramis Ramirez and Carlos Silva. I don't know much about what actually happened, but it sounded like it got physical and Silva left camp without speaking to the media. I can only hope, for his sake, that he isn't spotted later eating dinner.

So if an error by Castro launches Quade into a big long soliloquy about fundamentals, surely a dugout brawl will spark some long-winded musings on pride, teamwork, maturity, duty, and possibly some lines stolen from Yoda about rejecting the Dark Side of The Force aimed at Silva.

Quade says he plans no disc action for silza. 'Not from me.' Will meet with team tomorrow, re: this & sloppiness.

So Castro has to be wondering why Quade thinks he shit in his Cheerios. Castro makes some mistakes in the course of being one of the youngest major-leaguers in the game right now and gets a lecture. Silva goes apeshit and there is actual violence in the dugout and there won't be any repercussions? What the hell?

Don't get me wrong, I think Quade is absolutely handling the Silva thing correctly by minimizing its importance. Like I said last year when Zambrano got into a shouting match with Lee, the Cubs blew that way out of proportion and kept harping on the incident when other teams with similar situations over the years have been able to move on fairly easily after dugout incidents. But the dissonance between how Quade is handling this incident (treating the players like adults) versus how he is handling Castro (like a child) troubles me greatly.

The absolute last thing the Cubs need is to piss off the one exciting thing about the team that is supposed to be a foundation on which to build future successful teams. If the Cubs keep treating Castro like this, he is going to leave via free agency the instant he is allowed to do so and he'll be flipping the Cubs off as he goes.

------------
UPDATE
------------

It appears that Quade will have a team meeting about all of this nonsense tomorrow. According to Bruce Levine:

"You've got two pissed off people," Quade said after the 12-5 loss to the Brewers. "It was a brutal first inning with plenty of blame to go around, and people get frustrated. Maybe that's what we freaking need. Maybe we need to get pissed off.

"I mean it's Day 4 of spring training. I got no business getting all fired up on four days of work. But it's getting to the point where that was really tough to watch."

So he's going to try to turn this into a rallying point for the team. It's not quite, "Remember the Alamo!", "Remember the Maine!" or even decent lemonade out of lemons, but it's worth a shot. More importantly it hopefully won't single Castro out.

Let's Have a Cubs Attendance Guessing Game

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 23:34:00 +0000

It seems that ticket sales today for the Cubs have not been as brisk as the Cubs would like. This isn't to say that Wally Hayward or whoever it is that took over for Frank Maloney in the ticket office won't soon make a statement about how the ticket sales were indeed very strong (but some good seats remain if your hurry NOW!). We'll never really know until after the fact, and even then we can only make logical guesses and extrapolations as to how they actually are doing in the individual ticket sales department.

We don't really know how many tickets are controlled by season ticket holders, so we have no idea what the absolute floor for an announced attendance would be. Since the major leagues only announce tickets sold, there could theoretically be a game that is witnessed live by only Al Yellon up in the left field bleachers and Ronnie Woo doing his thing about five feet away from Al and the Cubs would still announce the attendance at somewhere between 25,000 to 27,000 (probably) just because of all the season ticket sales.

So, since Ron Santo used to really entertain us with his attendance guesses, I'd like to pay homage to Ronny on what would have been his 71st birthday with a twist on the Attendance Guessing game and have a little contest.

Let's guess the lowest attendance figure of the season for the Cubs at Wrigley Field. You might think the team is really good, so those September games will be selling all summer long as people try to guess when a clinching game might occur. You might think that the Cubs will be lucky to not lose 100 games and that nobody will want to use Cubs tickets to wipe themselves by the time August rolls around. Whatever you think about the team and the season, send me your guess for what would be the lowest attendance figure announced.

It isn't the Price is Right so as long as you are the closest, whether over or under, you win. If there is a tie, I'll use whoever is closest to guessing Wrigley's total attendance figure for the year as the tie breaker.

So send me your guess for Wrigley low game attendance of the year and your guess of total 2011 attendance at Wrigley to enter. You don't have to predict the date of the low attendance, just have the closest guess at the lowest announced figure.

It is really easy to enter. I won't make you enter five other contests you don't care about in order to enter this one or anything. There are no wristbands or virtual waiting rooms.

You can enter a couple of ways:

Tag @Aisle424 on Twitter with a tweet with your two guesses
Like Tales from Aisle 424 on Facebook and make your guesses on a wall post

I'll stop taking new entries the day before Opening Day, so you have until midnight on Thursday, March 31st, to get me your guesses.

The winner will receive a Collector's Edition Cubs Monopoly Game!

Buy up property and make your friends and family pay to land there so you can get fake rich and pretend you can buy the actual Cubs! People are buying this in the stores for something like $30 and you can get it for free. How cool would that be?

Enter now!

Someone From the Cubs Reads My Blog! (and Points Out I'm Full of Crap)

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 00:27:00 +0000

You know you've hit the big time when an official from the Cubs contacts you to debate the validity of the statistics you use in a blog post. So yesterday was a banner day for me. I can only assume that they were even aware of my post about season tickets is because my mother has been secretly working for the Cubs all this time I've been living in her basement.

I received an e-mail from a friend of Aisle 424 in the media department, indicating that I was incorrect in some of my assertions about how many season tickets have been turned back into the pool this off-season:

"Several stories online are speculating the Cubs have lost 10 percent of its season ticket holders, however this is not the case. While the final renewal number has not been determined yet, at minimum we know this percentage is already in the 90s (which is the safe number Wally Hayward provided in his talks in Arizona ). As in years past, it looks like the renewal rate will be on the higher end of that scale as renewals have been coming in at a pace just slightly ahead of last season. We will have the largest number of full season ticket holders in team history thanks to a strong renewal rate and new accounts added."

Of course, I can't just let the Cubs make a statement like that without some sort of follow-up question. I have a reputation with my reader as a pseudo-journalist to uphold, so I immediately pressed him to provide an answer that the Cubs have been ducking consistently: So who owns the Cubs?

Actually, I was confused as to how renewal rates could be "ahead of last season" when the deadline to tell the Cubs you are returning was in November and the deadline for making final payment is usually in the middle of January. In case it slipped by anyone, it's almost March and the Cubs like to send out letters with a not-so-veiled message that you would be scum if you delayed in handing over your money and that they would, frankly, prefer to give your tickets to the nice people on the waiting list if you don't hand over the money right now.

So how can there still be renewals going on?

There are some accounts that we negotiate with our corporate partners that haven’t been finalized. This isn’t cause for concern, it’s just a matter of us working with our partners. Additionally, we haven’t processed all of the accounts internally with accounting yet, which explains the lack of a hard renewal number.

So there you have it. The difference between this year and last year is that they are just hashing out some final details with the corporate clients and some accounting paperwork is still ongoing. Sounds reasonable. But even through a clarification, there is still spin going on here.

For instance, when he says they have the "largest number of full season ticket holders in team history," I have no reason at all to believe that isn't true. In fact, I would bet my life that it is true. But it doesn't mean what the Cubs want you to think it means.

They want you to read that and think, "Wow! It sure looks like Cubs tickets are more popular now as they have ever been! I better get out my wallet and get some single game tickets while I still can!" What it actually means is that when partial plan accounts like me or the Commenter Known as Seat 106 give up their tickets, the Cubs sell those plans to someone else as a full plan because they don't offer the Nights & Weekends package anymore.

So lets say there are 1,000 accounts. Let's also say that 800 are full plans and 200 of them are grandfathered into the Nights & Weekends plan. When ten of the partial plan people give up and quit, there will still be 1,000 accounts, but 810 of them will be full plans. A new record! Pay no attention to the fact that there are no other options besides buying a full plan! Your shoe is untied!

It also could be that they may be having trouble selling tickets in blocks of four and now sell the same seats to two people buying two at a time. That would add the number of accounts without really being a positive reflection on how popular Cubs tickets are. Again, suppose the 1,000 plans and 10 people with blockes of four give up their seats. Then suppose they can't find people to buy all four tickets, so they sell them as pairs. So now they have 20 new accounts for a total of 1,010. A new record! What's that behind you?!

But what is most important here is not whether the Cubs season ticket holders will renew at a 90% rate versus 91% or 92%. We can haggle over percentage points all day, but it remains extremely difficult to take anything the Cubs say as transparent or even fully truthful.

Afterall, the Cubs don't release their season ticket numbers. They can claim just about anything they want about how the renewals are going, how many accounts they have, and what percentage of the park they sell to season ticket holders because nobody has any data to hold them to. They could claim just about anything and nobody would really be sure what was true.

Plus, it's not like we haven't had past instances where the Cubs seem to have a casual relationship with the truth in a number of areas.

They have never seemed very honest about the severity of some injuries to high-profile players when there were tickets to sell at the beginning of the year. Let's just say that if Adam Wainwright pitched for the Cubs, I would bet everything I own that we wouldn't already know that he was out for the season about 24 hours after he got hurt. There would have been strength-building excercises, delayed starts, scheduled simulated games, and shut downs of baseball activity for a week that turns into a month that turns into an appointment with a surgeon (after the single-game tickets went on sale, of course).

They have been selling tickets through the promise of an improving farm system for as long as I can remember. I'm fairly certain that "Pravda" in English is "Vine Line." I've been purging old junk in my efforts to move out of my apartment and have been finding old Cubs stuff. Last night I was flipping through an old Vine Line and found myself looking forward to seeing the major league debut of Earl Cunningham. He should be coming up soon, right?

Now they push the boundaries of truthiness with their claims about tickets. There was Wally Hayward going on to anyone who would listen about how you should run out and commit to going to thirteen games to make sure you can see the Yankees play at Wrigley. If not, we would probably be kicking ourselves for missing out on such a momentous occasion that hasn't happened since 2003. Not since the days when guys like Kerry Wood and Carlos Zambrano faced Yankee legends Jorge Posada, Mariano Rivera and Derek Jeter has such an event occurred.

Ok, maybe you only need to buy six games to guarantee Yankee game seats. But you shouldn't wait any longer because you will miss out! Unless you wanted to buy them yesterday at their pre-sale, then there were some tickets to those games available. Pretty good ones too, from what I saw.

So I may have misinterpreted the 90+% renewal statement and made some extrapolations that were incorrect. Hell, as far as I know for sure, only me, Seat 106 and a couple other people I know have declined to renew this year. My mistake. Cubs ticket sales are awesome. Couldn't be better. If season ticket sales were a pitcher, they would be Matt Garza. He's an ace. I know this because the Cubs told me he is.

Someone Graphically Told Dusty He's Number Two

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 21:58:00 +0000

It turns out that there are worse things than getting racially charged threats in the mail as manager of the Chicago Cubs. Someone could take a dump in the space you work everyday.

That is what Dusty Baker is claiming happened sometime at the end of his tenure in 2006. Via Jon Paul Morosi:

“At the very end, somebody took a dump right where I stood in the dugout every day,” Baker said Monday morning. “That was the low point. The grounds crew guy cleaned it up. He said, ‘Oh, I think it’s dog crap.’ I said, ‘No it ain’t. That’s human crap.’”

This is a new low for an organization that doesn't have a lot of room to get lower.

It is hard to figure who the Phantom Crapper is since Dusty isn't saying who he thinks it was (not that he would know for sure) or even whether it might be a player or other employee of the Cubs.

I looked at the roster of the 2006 team to see if any suspects jumped out at me. Only one guy made me think, "Yeah, I could totally see him taking a big dump in the dugout just to show the manager what he thinks of him". . . Phil Nevin.

I'm not saying it was Phil Nevin or even that it was any player, but if it WAS a player, then I would put all of my money on Phil Nevin. That guy was a dick and probably stupid enough to think that dropping a deuce in the dugout was funny.

Or maybe it was Todd Packer.

But what is more interesting is the fact that we are just hearing about this incident now, and it isn't from the Cubs.

Dusty was on the way out, so someone taking a shit in his spot in the dugout wasn't something they wanted to get around, because it might have made him a sympathetic figure in the disgrace that was the 2006 season. So we never heard a word about it.

On the flipside, the Cubs couldn't wait to tell us fast enough when Carlos Zambrano ate dinner, or Milton Bradley was a psychopath, or when Sammy Sosa left a game early at the end of the season. They have no problems airing the dirty laundry of the team when it suits their needs to vilify an employee they don't really want anymore.

So we know the Cubs CAN keep a secret when it suits their needs.

I'm always so proud to be a Cubs fan.

---------------
UPDATE
---------------

Kevin Kaduk of Yahoo! Sports has the Cubs' side of the story:

Cubs spokesman Peter Chase tells us that GM Jim Hendry has "no recollection" of such an incident happening or Baker mentioning it.

"Didn't see it. Never happened. Nyeah."

Short of finding the crew member that supposedly cleaned up the mess, this will be a game of He Said, She Said with everybody taking a side. It's a Way of Life.

About 10% of Cubs Season Ticket Holders Had Enough Last Year

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 22:57:00 +0000

I've been pretty pessimistic about the Cubs since it became apparent that the Rickettseses weren't going to instill any major changes from the Tribune's methods in running things. My willingness to renew my season tickets grew weaker and weaker with every passing day of last season, and they nailed the coffin shut when Tommy sent out his 8-million word letter explaining how we need to be patient and keep paying championship prices for a craptastic team.

Since then, the Cubs have periodically stated that season ticket renewals have been going swimmingly and that they are very pleased with the renewal rate. The implication was that season tickets were still a hot item and thus single-game tickets would likewise sell extremely fast, so we better run out and buy packs of 13 or 6 ticket bundles to guarantee seeing at least one game that might have some interest. Of course, the Cubs being the Cubs, they were always nebulous about exactly what rate the season tickets were renewing so we were left to speculate and guess.

Today, Patrick Mooney of CSNChicago.com got Wally Heyward to at least commit to a percentage range:

#Cubs marketing chief Wally Hayward says season-ticket renewal rate is above 90 percent.

Let me get out my Cubs B.S. Decoder Ring to translate that:

B-E-S-U-R-E-T-O-D-R-I-N-K-Y-O-U-R-O-V-A-L-T-I-N-E

A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch.

Actually, what it means is that somewhere between 2,500 and 2,700 seats went back to the Cubs and became available for the people who have been hanging around patiently on the waiting list. Last year, the non-renewal rate was something like 2%. This year, it is closer to 10%. That is a lot for the Cubs and they can't be very happy about it.

I mean, it is still ridiculously high for a team that is no better now than it was last year and hasn't won anything since before World War I was fought, so they have that to be happy about. Plus, the cushion of 118,000 people on the wait list to fill up those vacated seats means that they won't lose any revenue on season tickets this year. But trend arrows pointing down isn't something for which they will be popping champagne corks.

And those trends are now clearly pointing down for the Cubs. The honeymoon is over and patience is finally starting to show signs of maybe, possibly wearing thin with the fan base that Tom believed (and then convinced his Dad) would buy tickets win or lose. Good luck turning around those kinds of trends with this team, Tom.

I'm sure Matt Garza will fix everything.

-------------
UPDATE
-------------

My anonymous friend in the comments reports that he has seen evidence that someone with a wait list number in the 10,000 range was called to purchase season tickets this winter. That means the Cubs are getting about a 75% decline rate from the folks who have been waiting the longest to get tickets. That's pretty bad. Anyone else know of a higher number that got "The Call?"

Again, the Cubs have their buffer, so even though it took a decent hit, I don't expect the Cubs to change their strategy of telling fans to be patient as they pay the highest ticket price in baseball.

Ricketts Speaks Positively About Cubs But Doesn't Actually Say Much Positive

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Sun, 20 Feb 2011 05:57:00 +0000

Tom Ricketts spoke to the Chicago media earlier Saturday, and as usual, what he said needs some translation for those who may not be familiar with Rickettsese.

"Really, the theme for the team this year is for the last six weeks of 2010, we were one of the best teams in baseball," Ricketts said. "And we have that team back, that manager back, and we've added to it, so I think we build on that momentum."

If he believes even a tiny bit of this statement, my hopes for a Ricketts-owned team ever even winning the division just got beaten to a pulp, lit on fire, and thrown out of an unopened thirtieth-floor window. Because if he really believes the words coming out of his mouth, he believes the keys to success lie on some semblance of momentum from about 25% of the schedule last year to be carried forward by a rookie manager who has basically been a lifetime minor-leaguer and a merry band of underperforming misfits that are all a year older. So let's hope that this is actually just a bunch of bullshit that is intended to keep the ticket-buying fans interested enough to go out and buy some tickets soon, because they might miss out if they wait too long.

That is the best case scenario. Otherwise, Tommy is going to give Todd a run for the Most Idiotic Ricketts Award.

"We use the next 40 days to really get ready for the season, to come into the season with a sense of purpose, and a sense of pride and get off to a quick start and have a great year."

This year, they are REALLY going to get ready for the season. In the past, they have only sort of gotten ready for the season and didn't really have any goals or specific purpose. Again, this sounds like an unspoken jab at Lou and how he must have just been too tired to run around swatting every player on their bottom every time they managed to catch a ball without falling down as a sign that the players were doing a good job. Because the players are all five years old and need that kind of constant encouragement.

Or maybe Lou didn't remind the players every day that the goal is to win the World Series, and to reach the World Series, you have to win some games, and to win some games you have to be able to HIT THE FUCKING BALL OUT OF THE INFIELD WHEN A RUNNER IS AT THIRD BASE WITH LESS THAN TWO OUTS FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, KOYIE! Lou never mentioned that, but Quade has a purpose.

With Albert Pujols looming as a possible high-priced free-agent target, Ricketts said there would be more "financial flexibility" next offseason, but deferred to Hendry. He said he'd be "open-minded" about handing out such a mega-deal, without being specific.

This part got some people excited on Twitter. They read that "financial flexibility" paired with being "open-minded" means that the Cubs are actually going to seriously consider signing a certain Cardinals first baseman if and when he becomes available. This is exactly what Tom wants you think, but notice he didn't make any declarative statements.

He can't say, "We are going to back up a truck of money to Albert Pujols' house and shovel it into his living room until he decides to become a Cub" because he can't specifically discuss a player under contract with another team. But he could say something like, "We feel we will be in a financial position to be very agressive on the free agent market next season." That would have indicated that they have the means AND the desire to improve their team dramatically, whether it would be signing Pujols or other free agents that could help.

Instead, he goes with some wishy-washy crap about being open-minded. Promising to be open-minded means nothing. You know when you were a kid and you wanted to have a contest with your brother to see who could eat the most candy corns without throwing up and your parents said, "We'll think about it" and you knew that meant there was no chance in hell they would allow it? Well, they might as well have said, "We'll keep an open mind about it." It means nothing, but it is juuuuuust positive enough to get fans to buy into the idea that Pujols could become a Cub, and when Cubs fans buy into the team, they also buy tickets.

Referring to long-term contracts in general, Ricketts said "any owner would say the length of the deal is often a bigger problem than the amount of dollars, so you're going to have to be very careful if you're going to sign one of those longer deals. If you're going to take on a guy for seven, eight, nine years, you better make sure that's the guy you want."

See? He is already edging towards no Pujols for the Cubs despite his open mind. He's talking about how careful you have to be on a long deal like the one Pujols is going to get from someone. Plus, what is this crap about having to make sure you really want a guy if it's a long-term deal? Sometimes you sign guys you don't really want for three years? That certainly explains Hendry's love of signing middle-relievers to three-year deals.

Ricketts said Hendry "did a terrific job" in acquiring Carlos Pena in a $10 million deal with $5 million deferred to January of 2012, and Kerry Wood for only a $1.5 million deal despite the probability he'd make $10 million or so with a two-year offer elsewhere.

Ricketts said those signings, plus the trade for pitcher Matt Garza, will "make us a real contender in 2011."

There really isn't much else Ricketts can say here. He has to be positive. He has to at least pretend that those moves that basically bring the Cubs back to where they were at the beginning of last season are good enough to contend. What is actually more disturbing are the large numbers of Cub fans that take that statement at face value. Folks, he is selling his team. Nothing more. His knowledge of how the Cubs are actually going to perform is no better (and I'd wager worse) than all of the projections coming out that peg the Cubs in the mid-70 win range and fourth in the Central division.

Ricketts said he brought Hendry and assistant general manager Randy Bush "into the loop on what the financial situation is and to make sure they understand what the budget is and why it's there." He reiterated his Year One theme that after expenses, all the incoming revenue goes to baseball operations.

"I think Jim understands that more than he would've a year ago," Ricketts said.

Ricketts has owned the team for over a year and he finally got around to having a meeting with the guys in charge of managing the budget to explain "what the budget is and why it's there?" That seems like something that probably should have come before all the urinal trough discussions from last year, and definitely before the discussions revolving around whether they should appear on a fucking reality television show!

Of course, the condescending tone of the last part where Ricketts talks about Jim understanding more now than last year leads me to a second scenario that involves Hendry and Randy Bush just not being terribly bright and not understanding the budget so much that Ricketts had to sit down with them AGAIN to explain it to them. But if that is the case, you have to wonder why the hell they still have jobs if they are that incompetent.

So either Ricketts spent all of Year One frittering away his time on talking about revenue streams, bathroom renovations, statue dedications, and reality shows instead of having important financial discussions with his baseball operations staff OR his baseball operations staff are not very bright people, yet mysteriously still employed. Neither one of these scenarios reflect all that well on your ability to lead this team to a World Series, Tom.

"We expect the best out of our baseball department every season," he said. "This season is no different than last season or next season. We're going to expect everyone to do well. I wouldn't read any more into it than that."

Well, of course you don't want anyone to read more into it. That would jeopardize all of the false hope you are peddling. Again, how can you expect "the best" out of your baseball department when either don't give them the information they need to do their jobs well, or you have to keep telling them how to do their jobs because they don't get it.

Also, what is your defintion of "do well?" Beat projections? Because a .500 season with this roster would technically be "doing well." Is it winning the division? Because if that is the case, Tom is laying more groundwork to set Hendry up as the scapegoat for a shitty 2011 season. Maybe the team's record isn't the measuring stick. Maybe if Hendry's roster created enough demand to sell out 90+% of available tickets is doing well enough to stick around.

As in most things Tom says, it is almost purposefully vague and means a whole bunch of nothing, but I'm keeping an open mind about it.

Viewing Transactions Like a Drunken Gambler

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 17:18:00 +0000

The Cubs fan base (and any fan base, I would imagine) spends a good deal of time talking about the transactions a team can make and then also making judgements about the transactions that actually happen.

Right now, the potential transaction du jour to talk about is Albert Pujols in a Cubs uniform. He's been one of the best players on the planet pretty much since he came into the league, so it's hard to deny that some team somewhere won't come up with something like $30 million per season to get him. There are many folks on Twitter who believe the Cubs should be the team that gives it to him.
MB21 at ACB estimated Pujols' projected value assuming a standard value of Wins Above Replacement, inflation and Albert's assumed decline in production:

Using the Fans 7.5 projected WAR in 2011, $4.5 million per win, 7% annual increase, -.5 WAR per season, I get Pujols being worth $223, $250, $275, and $297 million over 7, 8, 9, and 10 seasons beginning in 2012.

So if Pujols actually becomes a free agent, the Cubs actually make a run at him, and actually sign him to something like 10 years and $280 million, there will be all sorts of reactions.

Most people who don't want to be "Negative Nellies" who ruin optimism will take a wait and see approach, as in, "We'll have to see how Pujols ages to determine whether the Cubs paid too much for him." Some will immediately cry about how the Cubs are idiots because they didn't learn from the mistake of signing Soriano to such a long, expensive deal.

Both groups are not viewing a transaction appropriately. How can fans judge a transaction with the benefit of knowing how things actually turned out, when the person who made the move clearly did not have that same ability. Why do we expect our general managers to have some sort of crystal ball to foresee circumstances that are completely unknowable?

On the flip side, how can we judge a deal based on an event that has absolutely no impact on the current deal? How does the failure of one contract make any future contract more or less likely to be succesful?

Let's say you go to Vegas and are playing blackjack. Let's say you get dealt a fourteen and the dealer is showing a five. The smartest, most statistically viable option for the player is to stay on fourteen, thus guaranteeing that you don't bust when the dealer is quite likely to bust and thus making a fourteen good enough to win. Staying is the right move. Based on the information available at the time of the decision, any action besides declining a card is a mistake.

Ideally, the dealer will proceed to turn over their down card to show a ten or face card, and then they will draw another large card to bust. Then everybody at the table exchanges high fives and life is good. Unfortunately, sometimes a dealer ends up making his hand. Sometimes the dealer pulls out a bunch of twos and threes to salvage their hand and make you a loser. That does not make your decision to stay a wrong one. Sometimes correct strategy fails.

If this player had made the correct decision at the time of the decision, the dealer would have drawn the 6 and gotten 21. This lucky result doesn't make the decision any more correct than if he had lost.

When Jim Hendry made the deal for Soriano, the projected production put Soriano's value for an eight-year deal at somewhere between $172 and $212 million (thanks again to MB for doing the math). Hendry got him for $136 million. So at the time he made the deal, it was actually a pretty decent value, even if you figure in a discount on the per year average to get the security of an eight year contract. But then injuries precipitated a dramatic decline in Soriano's production that couldn't have been foreseen and the result now is we all hate the contract. But the results can't change the fact that the decision made at the time were correct.

Basically, Hendry stayed on fourteen like the guy in the photo and the dealer made his hand to make it a losing situation.

Well, let's say you get pissed off at the blackjack dealer for pulling that 21 out of his ass when he should have busted and you wander over to the roulette table to win your money back. You look up at the past results that are posted and notice that the last ten spins of the wheel have all landed on a red number. Surely, you think, it can't possibly land on a red space for an eleventh time in a row! I should put my money on black!

Now, aside from the fact that gambling is always a poor decision because you can't beat the math, this particular reasoning to make the decision is entirely wrong. The odds of a black result on a standard American roulette table is 47.6%. The odds of a black result on that same table after the previous ten results had all been red is 47.6%. Nothing about the past results makes any sort of difference in how the future result will turn out.

Why would Soriano's injuries and subsequent precipitous decline have any impact on whether Pujols would similarly decline? There is just as good a chance that Pujols beats the projections as there is that he underperforms his projections. In fact, given that Pujols' value comes overwhelmingly from his bat, he is probably easier to project than someone like Soriano, whose value was based on his bat and speed.

I know we are fans and we are prone to our emotions. I am no different. Deep down, I do truly believe that the Bartman incident occurred because my buddy in Seat 106 yelled to a beer vendor one pitch prior, "Hey Steve! I'll see you at the World Series!" I'm certain that the Harry Caray commemorative pin was the reason the Cubs went on a 15-0 run when I wore it to the ballpark in 1998. To this day, I remain convinced that I caused the 1984 NLCS collapse by accepting a $5 bet with a junior high friend that the Cubs still wouldn't make the World Series when they were up two games to none.

But when these kinds of deals get done by whoever is in charge of the team we love, lets at least try to understand the circumstances involved. Otherwise, we are just the idiot at the table splitting kings all night.

Ronnie Woo's Heart Can't Take the Cubs Any Longer Either

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 20:39:00 +0000

So by now, I'm sure you have heard, Albert Pujols has not signed a bajillion dollar extension with the Cardinals, and the pre-conjecture has morphed completely into widespread apeshit speculation about where Albert will eventually sign, and which islands he will purchase with the money he gets in return.

The Cubs finally came out and named Keith Moreland as Ron Santo's successor in the radio booth with Pat Hughes, so I'm pretty happy about that, since I put the support of Aisle 424 back when that speculation first started. Good to see I have a little pull with the big club. I'll see what I can do about bringing back some sale prices to the bleacher seats as soon as the Ricketts drop the restraining order against me.

But lost among Albertageddon and Zonkapalooza was some news about the Cubs smelliest and gropingest unofficial mascot, Ronnie Woo. Thankfully, Elliot Harris was paying attention to what matters:

Elsewhere in Cubs-related matters that touch the heart, Ronnie “Woo Woo” Wickers is recovering from heart surgery at Northwestern Hospital. He had the surgery on Valentine’s Day and plans to be ready by Opening Day. Doctors allowed his Cubs uniform in the operating room. They might be stricter when it comes to any woo-woo-ing.

They let him bring his Cubs uniform into a sterile environment? Who performed this surgery? Dr. Nick Riviera? They might as well have performed the surgery in a Wrigley trough before Todd hosed them down.

"Call 1-800-DOCTORB. The 'B' is for Bargain!"

Here's hoping that Ronnie gets well soon and that the doctors found the volume switch and turned it down a notch while they were messing around in there.

Marlon Byrd is Already Hustling

noreply@blogger.com (SixRowBrewCo) — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 23:25:00 +0000

This week, Tim Sheridan (AKA @boysofspring on Twitter) tweeted out a few photos of Cubs players that have already started to arrive to Spring Training camp in Mesa. Of course, the workhorse of the team, Marlon Byrd, was among the first players to arrive:

See Marlon.

See Marlon run.

Run Marlon, run.

I seriously don't know where this guy gets the energy. Spring training hasn't even started and look at him! He looks like he is already able to beat out a routine slow-roller to shortstop.

It is even more exhausting to know that this is probably as easygoing as he is going to be until the season ends. So as the rest of the pitchers and catchers arrive over the weekend, lets just appreciate one of the guys on this team for whom it is easy to cheer.

I have to go lie down and rest.