So, since we have 23 days remaining to raise at least $1,912, we could use your prayers. Here’s some stuff you can lift up to Jesus on our behalf.

An Abundance of Support – In order to have enough support to leave for Germany in April, we need to raise 1.5% of our monthly amount per day. That’s about $80 a day to reach 80% of our budget. In order to reach 100% of our budget, we need to receive $130 of new support a day. That’s about 2.5%. Obviously, if we reach either of these amounts by April 1st, it will be all God. Pray for God to bring a flood of new support! We know that we’ll get to Black Forest Academy at the right time, but it would be amazing if the right time was now.

Favor – Pray that we find favor with those we meet with. We want people to connect with us, understand our vision and passion for the students at BFA, and want to support us. Ask God to give us favor with everyone we call and meet.

Appointments – Pray that the remaining 23 days of our support raising will be packed with appointments! We’re heading to Texas on Thursday and want to meet with as many people as possible.

Glory to God – Pray that through all of our calls and meetings and highs and lows, God is glorified. Sometimes it’s difficult to see how God could receive the glory when we are feeling discouraged and defeated, but we want him to be praised and honored even in our discouragement.

Preparation for Life in Germany – Pray that God will continue to prepare the way for us to get to Germany and then make a life there. We want our support to come in quickly, our travels to be easy, and our adjustment to BFA to be quick. Pray for an apartment in Kandern, the town where the school is. Pray that we’re able to connect with the staff and students. Pray that we make new friends, find a church and learn German quickly. If we do arrive in April, we know that our transition will probably be more difficult than the normal new staff person. We will be arriving mid-year, we will miss the formal orientation and we’ll barely get to know the students before they leave for the summer. It could be a difficult time, but we’d like it to be wonderful. Pray also for our summer; most BFA staff leave for at least one month of the summer, so we could be rather lonely.

Thanks friends! We’re glad to have you in our lives.

Well, I have been trying to write this post for over a week. It was kind of an up and down week for me, and I’ve been unable to translate what I think and feel about support raising into words. I usually do better when I’m feeling optimistic and positive. This week, I had some rather frustrating days when all of my thoughts were dark.

If you gathered from that little introductory paragraph that I’m not always very excited about support raising, you’re right. Sometimes, I’m not. Sometimes it sucks. It can be scary, and frustrating, and discouraging and impossible. I often feel like we’ll never get to Germany, and, if we do, it certainly won’t be in a timely manner. I often put off calling certain people because they intimidate me (terrify might be a more accurate word). Sometimes I leave an appointment and think, that person didn’t get our vision all. Sometimes I lay in bed at night and think, God, what are we doing?

Those are the bad days.

But there are also really good days. Like last Wednesday, when I had dinner with a single friend who said she wanted to give $100 a month. I was floored. The next day, a woman who we’ve never even met said she wanted to give $150 a month, to start with! People (that’s how my grandpa always addresses crowds), that’s 5% of our monthly budget in 24 hours! That was a good day.

Then there was the night when I was tired and sad—and had been for two weeks. I was laying in bed watching Hulu— because I was tired and sad—and Israel came in to show me a text message he’d just received. A couple from church wanted to give $100 a month and $200 the first month. That was a good day too.

And sometimes, the people who I’m terrified to call one day, don’t seem so scary the next day. And occasionally we have really encouraging meetings with people. And sometimes, we’ll get an email from someone who’s prayed for exactly what we’re dealing with that day. And there are times we get money in the mail, because we’ve run out.

Those are the good days.

In the past six weeks, we’ve been all-in and indifferent, hopeful and hopeless, hardened and convicted, downtrodden and encouraged—along with a whole slew of other emotions. Support raising is most certainly a growing process. We’re learning to trust God’s provision in very basic, practical ways. We’re learning to trust the Holy Spirit to bring people to our support team, instead of relying on our own charisma and pretty words. We’re learning to believe, in a whole new way, that God is good, and wise and capable to completing what he has begun in our lives. And during our times of doubt and questioning our sanity, God has affirmed that this is exactly where he wants us to be, and that he has uniquely prepared us to serve BFA and love the kids there.

When we started this new phase of support raising in January, we had 25% of our monthly support. As of this morning, we have 45%. We still need to raise at least 35% more ($1,900) in the next 24 days in order to leave in April, and we know that’s a huge task. But we’ve seen glimpses of God’s provision and power and ability over the past few weeks. We’re still hopeful that God will cause a tidal wave of support to flood our account. And if not, that’s okay. We trust that we’ll be at Black Forest Academy at the perfect time. We’ll keep doing our part and trust him to do the rest.

Hello Blog. It’s been a while. How have you been? Are you feeling neglected? I’m sorry. Here’s a hug.

Obviously, February was not the best of months for blogging on our part. Good thing it’s so short. We’ve been very busy raising support this month, and I suppose that’s why we haven’t posted much. Because nothing very exciting has happened, and it’s hard to summarize and explain this whole support process. It’s a big mash of fear, excitement, joy, disappointment, expectation and despair. And that’s just one day. But, I’m feeling capable of putting my thoughts into words today, so here I go.

We started raising support in September, hoping we’d be able to be in Germany in October. It would have taken a miracle, for sure, but we knew that Black Forest Academy wanted us as soon as possible, so we wanted to try. In September, we raised 20% of our support. Yay! From October to January, we raised about 5% more….

Enter Boot Camp.

Boot Camp is a support raising workshop put on by The Body Builders, a group based out of Fayetteville. We’d considered attending Boot Camp in August, but were still in the application process for BFA and didn’t want to spend the money on something we might not need. In January however, we knew we needed it. So, we went down to Ft. Worth for a couple days of support Boot Camping.

And it was amazing. We were already familiar with most of the things discussed at Boot Camp, but hearing them from someone who’s lived on support for 20 years, and being surrounded by sixty other missionaries who were going through the same thing, made a big difference. Boot Camp was encouraging, motivating, convicting and inspiring. We’d basically known what we needed to do to raise support, but after Boot Camp we actually felt capable of doing it.

One of the most helpful things that came out of Boot Camp was The Plan. Boot Camp made us set a date for when we wanted to have our full support. Then, we had to figure out what we needed to do to make that happen. So, our goal was to have our full support by April 1st and be in Germany by April 7th for a retreat.

By the way, if this actually happens, we’re going to have one CRAZY week. Here’s what it would probably look like. We’d finish up our support April 1st, pack everything up, and drive to Muskogee.  Israel’s sister, Hannah, gets married on April 3rd. We’d most likely catch a plane to Germany the next day. When we arrived on the 5th (I’m guessing that’s when we’d arrive), we’d move into our apartment and perhaps go buy furniture, get our visas, open bank accounts, etc. Then, we’d drive to the retreat on the 6th or 7th, where we would meet many of our fellow BFA staff members, get adjusted to the time difference, and then head back for the return of students after Spring Break. Whew, I’m tired just thinking about it.

Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is, we set a goal to work towards. In order to accomplish that goal, we estimated how much new support we’d need each week, how many people we’d need to meet with, and how many calls we’d need to make every day in order to set up all of those meetings. So that’s what we’ve been doing since January 25th—calling people, inviting them to join our support team, and praying that God will bring new supporters to our team.

It’s been a wonderful and exhausting 32 days.

In order to keep this post from being ridiculously long, I’m breaking it up. Stay tuned for Part Two. Coming soon.

Yes, I know. Christmas was five weeks ago. Today is February. It’s a little late to be posting about the holidays, but at least we’re not posting this in May. So, here’s a little summary of our holiday travels.

On Friday, December 18th, we got up bright and early and headed to my sister’s apartment in Denton, TX. We got in shortly after lunch and met Jude, the epileptic Schnoodle. Jude was a pillow of curly goodness, who happened to twitch occasionally. Israel and I have realized that we’re not really dog people. We don’t like the drooling and shedding and stinking and poop picking-up. But Jude doesn’t stink, doesn’t shed, and doesn’t officially drool (although he does have a beard). Unfortunately, as all living creatures do, he poops. Anyway, we liked him. If we ever get a dog, I think it might need to be a schnoodle.

So, after meeting Jude, we headed to the University of North Texas to watch my younger sister, Amy, become officially Smart. She’s always been smart, but now she can make sure everyone knows how smart she is by telling them that she has a Masters Degree in Library Science. This not only lets them know that she’s smart, but also incredibly nerdy. I’m quite sure that she and her husband Luke will have the smartest children in my family. Israel and I will have the best looking. Just kidding. Although I do think Israel was the cutest little boy I’ve ever seen. Don’t you agree? I mean really, what little boy stands with his hand in his pocket like that? He’s the older one in the second photo.

So anyway, after the graduation festivities, we hung out at Amy and Luke’s house for several days. We mostly tested out a few new board games: Munchkin Fu (okay), Munchkin Quest (the worst game ever, unless you ask a boy), and Dominion (from the title, you would think I’d hate this game, but no, it’s great).  After days of playing games and teaching Jude new tricks, we headed to Telephone to see my family.

My mom had the family over for the first Christmas in her own home in over 10 years. We had a lovely table setting and ate Mexican food, because Christmas food is boring. My mom is also a master present wrapper. Not only does she make presents beautiful, but she makes them fun. When we were little, she’d wrap small presents in HUGE boxes and put rocks, or cans of food, or beans (dried, of course) in with the gift. That way, we’d have no idea what was actually in the gift when we shook it around and felt the edges and tried to peek under the paper. This year, Mom wrapped 20 gifts. 20. For four people. Who don’t really expect presents anymore. So, we each got to open five gifts. They each had a $20 bill stashed somewhere inside. So, $100 each! Woo hoo! After this Christmas, Israel has a better understanding of why it’s vitally important to me that gifts be pretty.

An amazing thing happened while we were in Telephone—Jude got groomed. But he didn’t just get groomed, he got shaved. All the way down. Until he looked like a plush little lamb. And that same day, he got a shot at the vet. And he got nicked while being groomed, nicked in a very uncomfortable place. Let me tell you, a shot, plus a shaving, plus a seriously painful injury that prevents one from sitting down, equals one insane schnoodle. Jude ran around like a dog on speed for about two hours. He was flipping and running in tiny circles and jumping all over things. And then he crashed. And his little head drooped all the way to the floor because he was so exhausted. Please enjoy these lovely before and after photos of Jude.

So, after Christmas, we headed to the Jernigan home where we basically played games the whole time (our favorite thing). By the way, the Jernigans have graciously taken on The Best Cat Ever, Felin. And let me tell you, after one month there, she is a different cat. I blame it on Cricket, the rat-dog. Shortly after Felin arrived, Cricket did too. And they do not get along. Poor Felin.

Cricket – The Instigator

Felin – The Victim

Look at that poor cat. Alas.

Moving on, after Muskogee we drove 12 hours to Colorado through the wasteland that is Kansas. Kansas is normally not the most exciting place to drive through, but on both the way there and back, Kansas was shrouded in fog. Cold, freezing, fog. It was like we were in a bubble of grey. The land was gray, the sky was gray and the mist-walls were gray. Kansas in December, the perfect setting for horror films. Anyway, we arrived at my Dad’s house in Colorado, after I nearly slid our car backwards off the driveway, which happens to be a cliff. We spent four lovely days there. My Dad’s house is awesome. It’s in this lovely little canyon with red-rock formations and mountains. The whole back wall of their house is windows. It’s great. I highly recommend visiting. While we were there, we got MORE Christmas/my-26th-birthday money, and what do you think we did with all of that cash?

Guess.

We bought Rosetta Stone. And it’s awesome. I recommend Rosetta Stone just as much as visiting my Dad’s house.

Then, after 17 days of being away, we returned to good ol’ Arkansas. Whew.

Oh yes, while we were gone, the couple we’re living with bought a house, packed up, moved all of their stuff and ours to the new house, and cleaned the old one. And we weren’t even there to help. We have good friends.

Now enjoy the myriad of photos that we felt needed to accompany this post.

Here’s a new song I wrote after talking with God and trying to figure out the whole Christian walk. The song is based off of First John 2:15-17 – “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him…“. The song isn’t finalized, but I wanted to share a little of what I’ve been learning and trying to figure out. The lyrics are below as well. To God be the glory.

Song Lyrics

Date: Jan. 25, 2010
Will I wake up today
Wandering, wondering
Of the things I have to do
Today, someday

Will I hear
Will I move
Will I say
Will I do

I do not know
If my heart is ready for the move

Will the words I say today
Matter, shatter
Of the cares I know are true
Pity, piety

For Christmas I asked my wife, Dani, to get me the book In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day. A few men at my church have read it, and it’s been an integral part of where they are today. I also picked up a copy of No Compromise, The Life Story of Keith Green from my dad. It was on the dining room table at the fam’s house and I started reading. I wasn’t able to put either book down.

Both of these books talk about people who are radical about what they believe and how they live their lives. It’s inspiring, motivational, convicting, and scary. In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day talks about how some of the most inspiring people in history are the most daring, the ones who take risks. This book embodies the idea that without risk there is no gain. I think the book takes it one step further and says that if you don’t take risks there are negative repercussions. No Compromise talks about Keith Green’s journey to find truth and meaning. It’s a passionate life story of a passionate man. The book talks about ideas that are radical even to today’s standards of what being a Christian means. If you read this book looking for answers, you won’t come away the same. You might even leave with more questions than answers.

So Why am I Talking About These Books?

So what does being In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day have to do with being a Christian? And why should you listen to me talk about No Compromise? One reason. Am I, as a Christian, really living a lifestyle that embodies who Christ is and what Christ taught? I look at my past and where I am at, and I have to say No. When was the last time I did something for the glory of God that didn’t involve serving my own well-being, or pleasing myself, or making myself look Christ-like in the eyes of others? I feel like my faith is based off of concepts and ideas that are Christian, but they don’t go far enough. It’s been making me not want to call myself “Christian” because I want to think of myself in a new light as being one who lives like Jesus lived. Not one who just does the normal Christian stuff: Sundays, Wednesdays, small group.

Have you ever read First John or James? Those guys talk about radical, non-conservative ways of living, not just believing in something. I wonder if maybe this is a better idea of faith and risk, “Without risk, faith is an impossibility,” Søren Kierkegaard. I don’t know. But I do know that my view of Jesus is minimized and compartmentalized because of my Western view of the Bible. I guess I’m just frustrated with myself, the church, religion. I feel like there should be more to my view of the world. I should be a person willing to take chances. Someone willing to be controversial, and not ashamed of what I believe. To me it’s coming down to this: Do I really believe what the Bible says?

Do I really believe what the Bible says?

If the answer is yes, than my current lifestyle must change. Everything from how I view things to how I interact with people will need to be altered. I cannot be a nominal Christian or an average Christian. There’s no such thing. Jesus calls us to be fishers of men. When was the last time I shared my faith with a non-believer? I don’t think I could tell you. Jesus also calls us to a lifestyle of total abandon. “And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me” – Matthew 10:38. This God-man—Jesus—is not playing around. He demands life-altering, complete sacrifice to live differently than the rest of the people around you. I can’t think of my life as my own anymore, no compromise.

So In Summary

I guess I’m wanting to push people and myself towards a lifestyle and faith that really has action and behavior that is not like other people. “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him…” – First John 2:15-17. I’m ready for my faith to be real and not superficial. I’m ready to give it all up. Life. The Future. Family. Happiness.

A Prayer

God be my peace. Be grace in my life. I know not what the future holds, or if what I am thinking is right, but I know you are leading me. I want to follow. So please let me see you like I see my hands in front of me. Let me see as you see. Let my desires be yours, and let my heart follow after truth. Your name is holy. May my limited knowledge of your word and who you are lead me to you and nothing else. May I not lead others astray. You are perfect love. Help me bring that love to those around me. Unashamed, I proclaim you Lord and pray you hold me tight and safe in your will for my life.

As all of you know, we’ve recently entered a new year. 2009 is gone. 2010 is here. Yesterday was also my birthday. My 26th birthday. For some reason, 26 seems a lot older than 25. Much more adult. And….old. Not that I’m getting shorter or graying (no wait, I am graying), I know I’m still quite young and have a lot to learn, but when people ask me how old I am, I’m going to have to say 26. Twenty-six! That seems much more weighty than 25.

Since we’ve entered a new decade and I just turned Old, I’ve been thinking about the past year. I can’t think of any other year that’s had so much change. 2009 hasn’t been the year with the most significant events, those would probably be 2006, when I married, and 2004, when I found freedom from addiction and finally got salvation, and 1996, when my parents divorced. But 2009 has been a year of huge shifts in life—in direction, in desire, in lifestyle.

For the first six month of 2009, we were focused on what we wanted, the American dream. We began trying to have a baby in January of 2008, and by 2009 I was frustrated that there was no baby. I was also hoping to go to grad school. We started looking for a house in April. We’d been in the same apartment for three years. Nothing was working. I was depressed and confused and apathetic.

On the positive side of things, Israel had a great job. We’d gotten involved in a wonderful church and we were making new friends, finally.

Then, at the end of July, I got an email that changed everything. My friend Pam wanted to know if I would help her do a video project at Black Forest Academy. In one day, I read everything I could find on the BFA website. In one week, we’d decided to apply for positions at this boarding school in Germany. At the end of August, we knew we’d be moving to Kandern to work for Black Forest Academy. September was a whirlwind of meetings, speaking and trying to raise support. In October, we realized we wouldn’t be leaving when we hoped and Israel quit his job. In November, we sold practically everything we owned and moved out of our apartment, the only home we’d known as a married couple. In December, we moved in with friends.

It’s amazing how quickly things can change. I mean, this was not in our plan. We hadn’t even heard of Black Forest Academy until my friend emailed. But the unexpectedness of it all doesn’t change the significance of what God is doing right now.

This is right. This—this crazy, sudden, sell-all-you stuff-and-move-to-another-country thing—is right. It’s clear that God has given us this opportunity to help BFA with media and invest in missionary kids. Whether or not we ever get to Germany (though I think we will), we believe that we are doing what God wants us to right now. All of the best things in my life have just plopped on my lap—freedom from sexual addiction (I’d pretty much given up on ever finding it), At the Well (a women’s sexuality ministry), and Israel. They’ve all been unexpected and surprising. Looking back over the great things God has done in my life, I can see the extraordinary possibilities of this opportunity. We’ve already experienced so much change, and ministry and love, and we’re not even there yet! I’m eager for the transformation and truth we’ll find when we step foot in Germany.

This year, I’ve been reminded that God is good, that he has plans for me, and that they are better than my own. I’ve learned that I need to wait on him. I’ve learned that God’s goodness doesn’t mean he’s going to give me everything I want in the way I want. I’ve been reminded that my life is about God, not me.

I’m not one for resolutions. I never keep them or take them very seriously. But here’s what I hope for myself in 2010, while I am 26.

That I am wiser than I was at 25

I want to rely on God more fully. I want to be more patient and trusting. I want to remember that, just because things aren’t going the way I expect them to, doesn’t mean I should give up. I want to keep a broader view of my life, so that I don’t get discouraged by the details.

That I love better

I want to not give up on people. I want to be patient, and kind, and encouraging. I want to remember that just because I think someone needs something (a relationship, a revelation, an experience) doesn’t mean they do, or that they are ready for it right now. I want to see people the way God does and love them with hope and perseverance.

That I am more balanced

I need balance in my life. I tend to get REALLY excited about one thing, and neglect everything else. Then, once the excitement has passed, I forget that one thing and never pick it up again. I don’t think that’s the best way for me to live. I want to learn to do the things I should, as well as the things I want. I want to eat well—healthily and tastily. I want to be active. I want to pursue people, but honor my need for reflection and quite. I want to work hard, but still have times of rest and fun.

I’ve been working on all of these things for several years now, and they have yet to be perfected. I don’t expect them to be perfected in 2010, but I would like my life to look a bit more like the one who gave it to me.

May you experience the deep love and grace of Jesus this year.

I think that part of what Dani and I are called to do is to help others understand why we are doing what we are doing. I want others, both Christians and non-Christians, to come to share our passion and desire to see people believe in the One who is greater than themselves.

One of the things that Dani and I have been learning about is the idea that, as Christians, our involvement and relationships with other people go beyond pleasing ourselves. They go beyond staying in the city where our parents live. They go beyond the college where we graduated. They go beyond a two-week mission trip. We are not to be self-pleasing, self-aggrandizing, self-fulfilling. Our love for Jesus should be reflected in how we love our neighbor, not ourselves. (matthew 25:40-46, 1 john 2:3-6)

We are called

We are called to be fishers of men, people who seek out those who are hurting. Jesus pursued both the Jews and the Gentiles. There was no regret, no apathetic plea; it was whole-hearted. It was pure, and full of love. He wanted people who loved Him and loved others. One of the hardest things to learn in church culture today is this message, “If we say we love God yet hate a brother or sister, we are liars. For if we do not love a fellow believer, whom we have seen, we cannot love God, whom we have not seen.” 1 John 4:20

I’m including a talk by Todd Ahrend (The Traveling Team/On Facebook) that our home church had this last Sunday. It is about who God is, and about His passion for people. The title of the talk is “God is Missional.” In this sermon, you’ll hear God’s heart for all people throughout history. There is no easy way to put it, Jesus is missions minded, and, if you believe in His teachings, you are called to live a life that makes His name known. There is no easy path, no earthly resolution, no self-help solution. (1 john 2:15-17)

Sermon: God is Missional

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices.
psalm 37:7

Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.
psalm 46:10

Hopefully you know by now (unless you’ve just stumbled across our blog) that we are planning to work with missionary kids at Black Forest Academy. As part of our preparation, I’ve been reading (rather slowly) Third Culture Kids by David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken. Missionary kids are third culture kids (TCKs), which means they’ve spent a significant period of their formative years outside their passport countries. I’ve also been going to counseling for the past few months. One of the things that keeps coming up, in the book and counseling, is grief.

I moved a lot growing up. I believe I moved 12 times in my first 14 years of life. I don’t know if I technically qualify as a TCK, but I do relate to some of the aspects of TCK life. One thing I’d never realized is that there is a grieving process to moving. Let me tell you, that was an eye-opening chapter. According to the book, the transition cycle for moving is Involvement, Leaving, Transition, Entering and Reinvolvment. Okay, in and of itself, that doesn’t really mean much. The wow moment for me was reading about the Leaving stage, which isn’t talking about getting on a plane and heading to your new home, although that’s part of it, but about emotionally removing yourself from your home. You begin to loosen emotional ties, back out of responsibilities and refrain from taking new ones, and stop making new friends.

So, for the first time, I’m aware of this process. We’re in this strange sort of limbo. We’re preparing to move to another country to start a whole new life. We’ve basically sold all of our possessions, we’ve moved in with friends, we’ve given our cat away, we’ve quit our jobs, but we’re still here. And, instead of pulling away from our relationships, we’re strengthening them and making new ones, because everyone here is vital to our success at BFA. And I don’t mean financially, although we do need money, but, emotionally and spiritually. The people here will, in many way, sustain us as we serve in Germany. Instead of distancing ourselves from friends, family and church, we’re trying to become even more connected to our lives here, so that we have an anchor of people from which we can launch ourselves into BFA.

And it’s weird.

People ask me how things are going and how we’re doing, and I don’t really know what to tell them. We’ve sold all of our stuff, all of our wedding gifts. We never took any photos of our apartment, the only home we’ve know since we’ve been married. We’re living with someone else. We gave our cat away, and I bawled and I want her back. We want to be in Germany, but we’re not. We want to get to know our friends better and to love them better, but then it will hurt that much more when we have to leave.

So I think I’m experiencing grief. I’m glad to know that is what’s happening, and that it’s normal, and that it will keep happening. But it’s strange.

I’ve been thinking about home, and what that means. TCKs often don’t know where home is. I can identify with that right now, because, apparently, home isn’t a place. It’s not your things. Or where you live. Or comfort food.

What I’m trying to get at is that this whole missionary thing can be hard at times, and we haven’t even left yet. We’re in process. We’re learning and changing and grieving. I’m grieving the apartment (that I never liked), and our possessions (that I wasn’t very attached to) and our cat (whom I loved). I guess the fact that I even care about leaving our apartment shows that this really is a transition. And maybe it really is a sacrifice. It didn’t seem like much of a sacrifice before it happened, and even now, it doesn’t seem like much of one. And I’m actually glad to do it, because I’m so excited about what God has for us at BFA. But I guess it is a sacrifice to leave all of your things and what you’ve known, for something that has no guarantees.

I guess I wanted to let you all know how we, or at least I, am doing. In one sentence, I think this whole transition period is strange. That’s really the best word I can think of to describe it.