Tales from the Motherhood

Can we Support the Black Community and the Police at the Same Time?

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Mon, 11 Jul 2016 02:50:00 +0000

Friday at the airport, I approached three police officers with a cracked voice and watery eyes and said, "Thank you for your service." They looked caught off guard. I continued, "Especially in light of everything that's been going on." It was all I could get out of my mouth as I was about to ugly cry. They said thank you and I quickly walked away (to suppress ugly cry) as my three kids awaited me wondering what I was doing.

On the plane, there was a black couple sitting in front of us with their cutie pie 6-month-old daughter. As I stood up to go to the restroom, I saw they were looking at professional photos of the two of them on her phone. "I'm sorry to intrude, but those are amazing. Beautiful couple." Then the woman asked me to give my opinion in which photo worked best for a "save the date" for their wedding. We went through the pics as I lurked over them from behind. I made my top pick.

Then I awkwardly transitioned into something to the effect of "With all that's been going on and the shootings...I just want you to know, I'm sorry. And I see you. And black lives matter. And of course, we know all lives matter, but right now I see your pain. And of course, cops are not bad and their murders in Dallas were awful and no one wants that. And I'm just sorry for the insensitivity of white people."

And they seemed caught off guard...kinda' like the police. I'm positive I was not eloquent and fumbled over my words. But I think they understood my heart and they sincerely thanked me. I got a bit choked up, but I was able to hold back the ugly cry so that was pretty neat. And of course, if you know me, I asked them about themselves and got some of their backstory - how they met, where they were from, etc. And as we left baggage claim I went over and hugged them and said goodbye.

So there you go. That’s what my broken heart is telling me to do.

But this is not about me. I tell you this because I want you to know that grieving with your black friends for the injustices they have faced for centuries does not mean you don't support law enforcement.

You can grieve with your friends as they process the pain of another black man shot by police while you weep with police families as they cry out over the loss of their fellow officers.

You can ache for your black friend as she cries about the fear she has every time her husband leaves the house and you can hurt for your friend who has trouble sleeping at night because she fears every time her husband leaves for work, to serve and protect.

I stand with my black friends in their sorrow and in the pain they feel when they are marginalized and treated like their lives don't matter. How must that feel?

I stand with police officers who go out day after day to serve and protect, deal with a lot of crud, and have to make split second life-and-death decisions. How hard must that be?

I stand against police overreach and brutality.

I stand against those who would threaten and murder innocent police officers.

We all need to be for justice. There doesn’t need to be “sides". Supporting blacks in their struggle to be treated equally and supporting law enforcement are not mutually exclusive.

This is where I'm coming from, these word I love in Romans 12:15-16, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another.”

Sadly, those words aren't true for many, which makes me ask:
How do we fix this?
How do we overhaul systematic racism?
How do we support law enforcement?
How do we insist on an end to policies and culture that encourage the mistreatment of black people?

Well, this part stresses me out a bit because I don’t know. These are huge, complicated questions. I have some ideas, but I'm not law enforcement (though I watch a lot of Blue Bloods) and clearly, I'm not black.

Nevertheless, here are a few suggestions:

1. If you are white, talk to your black friends. Don’t just read and watch some super conservative black people on TV or quote some far left black TV personality. Listen to your black friends' stories and experiences. Listen to their hearts. Tell them you are sorry for the racism they have experienced. Ask how you can help. If you don’t have any black friends, ask yourselves why. Now is a time to reach out. There are plenty of community meetings where the black community is engaging this conversation, find out where they are happening and go.

2. Do something to support your local law enforcement. Write them a note, have your kids make them cards, bring them some food, give them a gift card for them or one for their spouse. Thank them for the service. Tell them you are sorry for what they are going through. And you know that most of them are great cops, but they are now experiences the backlash of the bad ones. Let the words of Dallas police chief David Brown echo in your head, “We don’t feel much support on most days,” Brown said. “Let’s not make today most days.”

3. Search your own heart. Get on your knees and pray that God would soften your heart and open your eyes to your own biases. Be humble. Rapper Lecrae wrote a great article “Humility is the Key to Understanding Race Relations.”

Step out of your comfort zone.
Ask questions of someone who is willing to talk about their experiences. If you can't do that, try taking racial bias inventory like this one.
A black friend has suggested reading something that exposes the black experience in America. 'Between the world and me' 'or The Souls of Black Folk' or 'Black like Me'. I have not taken the inventory or read these books, but I plan to now.

And don’t just read and watch the negative stuff about law enforcement. Bad policing is not the norm. This video made me smile when I was crying about the hurts of the world today.

4. Pray! Pray for all law enforcement who are in the midst of this storm. Show them your love and support. Pray for them by name. Pray for black people who are broken, hurting, angry, deflated and tired. Pray for them by name. Show them your love and support.

So there you have it - my heart on a page. Please don’t attack it. It’s a little too fragile at the moment.

Chore Charts - No Screen Before Clean and Homework

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Thu, 24 Sep 2015 00:29:00 +0000

Star charts. Rewards. Stick jars. Chore posters. Blah, blah, blah. I have tried several chore charty things. And usually we stick with them. For a while. And then it's just too hard to keep up. I mean, counting stars and earning prizes - all the while making the chart look all cute and visually appealing and all that jazz . . . not in my skill set.

I searched high and low on Pinterest for the easy solution. JK, I did not and would not. Is there anything easy on Pinterest for the craft and star chart challenged? Nope.

I made my basic chore chart on a word doc. We have used these basic chore charts for the last few years with the motto "No screen before clean and homework." For the most part, it has worked pretty well.

I posted a photo on my Totally Desperate Mom Facebook page (which is basically now my place for lazy blogging) of my kids doing their Fantasy Chore Draft. And many people commented or texted me asking for copies of my chore charts. Here you go:
(Click on the photos to be able to read them more clearly)
For the eleven-year-old:

For the nine-year-old:

For the seven-year-old:

We switch up chores every once in a while based on how many outside activities they have, stress level, summer time, etc. But it had been a while since we had made adjustments and Elijah and Lydia were complaining that the other person had all the easy chores. So we decided to do a draft so they could take turns picking which chores they would do. We basically left Jordis out of the draft because she gets the easiest chores since she is seven. With the exception of dry mopping the hardwood floors. Because she loves doing that. For now.

My Little Taylor Swift Fans

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Sat, 23 May 2015 16:15:00 +0000

We're dreaming of Taylor Swift letting these girls back stage. Or perhaps on stage. Also, this video really just encapsulates the sisterhood. Lydia (9) shaking her head and Jordis (6) singing. Non-stop Taylor Swift songs. And the giggles. I love these two.

So if you know Taylor, put in a good word for us :)

Hagen Family Worst Photos 2014

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Tue, 23 Dec 2014 18:07:00 +0000

I have really neglected my blog the past few years. In fact, my Totally Desperate Mom Facebook page has really become my form of (lazy) blogging. However, I probably can never let it go entirely because of this. My worst pics. My family's ugly photos. The worst lighting, the worst angles, the worst attitudes. This Christmas, our family really does celebrate Jesus. God with us. But somehow this Hagen family photos has also become something we (and apparently others) celebrate. It's a tradition.

My girlfriends were talking about mud masks and junk. And for my birthday my girlfriend got me some mud with special powers. I tried it. Apparently I am not so good at it.

Lighting is everything. My garage is my best lighting friend. Or in this case, my worst lighting friend. If you want to see my wrinkles and creases and blotches in all their glory . . . here you go.

Okay, so this is kind of staged, but whatever. I look like a freak.

Although I proudly wear the sash of Miss Catan, I can hardly look at this photo. It's just bad in every way.

Morning glossy eyes. Special mouth, frowny wrinkles are developing as I approach FORTY.

Hair eating photos always turn out well.

Working out some stuff in our marriage.

Sleeping kids are not always cute.

Say "cheese" Jordis.

After the Easter candy . . .

Early in the year Jordis provided me with many shots for the hashtag #nothomeless. Unfortunately, she is really into brushing her hair now so I don't foresee much #nothomeless in the new year. Savor these ones, people.

I love it when she does her own makeup. Because she is so good at it.

I love it when she does her own makeup and then goes to watch her sister in the talent show.

We are hopeful that #nothomeless has a future in balloon work.

Face necklaces. The next big thing.

When Jordis saw this pic she said, "I love this one. Look at my tights! They're yellow!" 'Nuff said.

Yep. She belongs to us.

Elijah got a really bad haircut this year. The next morning, he shaved his head completely.

Shiloh really tried to outdo me this year by way of ugly photos. So proud of him.

Looks like that guy from The Simpsons here.

Just no.

Shiloh is so very proud of this one. His belly sticking out skills are first class.

This might be my favorite worst picture of the year. Oh Shiloh. Shiloh, Shiloh, Shiloh.

Mad skills, Shiloh. Way to go.

Family photos are always a good time.

I spoke at Crossroads Church on Mother's Day. My kids came to see me. I could't see them,

Hugs and kisses. From our family. And this random dog on the beach.

To walk down worst memory lane . . . 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010, 2009.

Until next year . . .

Costco Inspired Thoughts About Kids Going Off to College

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Thu, 04 Sep 2014 13:00:00 +0000

Yesterday in line at Costco I saw a middle-aged women in her tennis outfit. Clearly an empty nester because she was buying tennis balls, toilet paper, and avocados. That's it. And I got really sad and thankful. Sad for that stage in life. Sad there was not a dozen apples in her cart that will vanish in days. Sad there there were no flat pretzels that her son likes. Sad that there was not a double flat of raspberries that will be consumed by tomorrow. Sad that there was not a ginormous honey dew rolling around in her cart because her kindergartener told her class that honey dew was her favorite food.

I am sure that woman has a great life and enjoys her freedom, her grocery bill, and her tennis. And I know there are GREAT parts to having grown kids. Like going to the bathroom without interruption and people gratefully rejoicing when you make them food of any kind. But I was looking at her cart situation and thinking "I am so glad that my kids are in school right now so I can fly through Costco, but I am so glad I get to go pick them up in a few minutes!"

You guys, this kindergarten business does not make me cry. But I cannot handle the thought of kids going off to college!!! Yesterday I helped one of my babysitters (who started as my "mommy's helper" when she was 9 years old) with her COLLEGE essays.

And I get teary-eyed thinking of her beautiful mother who will be kissing that sweet face goodbye next year. I know she is not dying or vanishing into the abyss never to return, but I just can't handle it. Last year we went to my high school's dance show and they did a senior dance where all the girls wore their college sweatshirts. Could not handle. Was crying on behalf of their parents.
I'm SO WEIRD.
And I am so thankful that I have at least 8 more years with Elijah at home, 12 with Lydia, and 46 with Jordis. She told me the other day she never wants to leave home and go to college. Yes, that's the same girl who once told me I was meaner than fireworks. She's never leaving home.

Parenting is hard. Some days are horrible. Some days are simply mundane. Some days are rewarding. Some days are amazing. Sometimes I feel like a total failure. Some days I feel like I could teach a parenting class. JK, never had that thought. I guess what I am trying to say is, I am thankful that I get to be a mom. The end.

Stealing from the Rich to Give to the Rich?

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Sat, 31 May 2014 20:20:00 +0000

On Mother's Day weekend I spoke at services at Crossroads Church in Fremont about "Lies Moms Believe." One of the lies I addressed is "I am ruining my children." Because we often think our kids will only pick up on our failures, weakness, parenting mistakes. Any bad choices they make in life are our fault. Will they learn anything good from us?

The truth is we can greatly influence our children but we cannot control them. We must do our best and surrender the results to God. They do see us and they are learning from us even though sometimes they act like we are invisible. We influence them every day, but we cannot control them.

Almost every night I pray with my kids that we would have generous hearts. That we would be generous with our time and money. And almost every night, sweet Jordis prays the same exact prayer. "Dear God (omits "thank you") for this wonderful world. Please help angels to surround our house. Double them both." Amen. She has admitted that she doesn't even know what this means. She has just picked up on it from someone else's prayer, twisted the words a bit, and then repeated it. For years. Only adds to it or spices it up when I ask her to. I long for the day when she prays to have a generous heart and an open hand with her stuff. Enter Mother's Day morning.

I spoke at two services Saturday night and then Sunday morning I woke up to Mother's Day blessings and confirmation of what I was teaching - we do influence our children. Jordis came to me with a Mother's Day gift. Twenty dollars of her very own money. (Grandma hid money eggs instead of candy on Easter so I thought that is where the money came from.)
"Mom, this is for you. It is from my give jar and I wanted to give it to you."
"Oh sweetheart, thank you so much. That is so generous of you. Maybe we can work together to figure out who we can give this to who really needs it. Thank you so much."
So sweet. So blessed. She is really getting this generosity. A little misguided to give it to her mom instead of someone really in need, but I'll take it.
As I walked out the door I saw her in her room going through letters and pictures of our Compassion sponsored kids. Be still my soul. She does hear us and see us. We are influencing her to be generous and to care about others.

I then spoke at two more services on Sunday and had this new illustration to throw into my talk as we talk about how we influence our children. Thank you Jesus . . .
until I get home. And find out that she has given her brother 20 bucks. And then she brings out her wallet that is LOADED with cash. Many one dollar bills, some twenties, fives... $70 more dollars to be exact. Where is Jordis getting her money? Generous Jordis is really a criminal.

We question her. She just had the money. She just got it. She didn't take it. She won't reveal her sources. Meanwhile the whole family is now involved in this money scam and none of us can control our laughter. Elijah, Lydia, me, Shiloh. Cannot stop laughing at the five-year-old thief who will not come clean and yet has money for days. Did you get into Dad's wallet? Did you get into Mom's purse? Did you take it from Grammy's purse when you were at the office with her? She. Won't. Budge. She didn't take it from anywhere or anyone. She just had it.

We go to Grammy and Grandpa's later in the day and finally coerce a confession out of her. And when I say coerce . . . I mean, comedy. My brothers and sister-in-law as my witnesses, Jordis is a piece of work. And she was working us. "If I tell you, you have to give me five dollars." Whaaaaat? At one point my brother Cameron (who is trying to contain his laughter during this whole debacle) says to me "You're not winning." Then we all crack up. She finally whispers in my ear "Your purse."

She got it from my purse. Before you go thinking I'm all money bags, you must understand I had recently gone to the bank and got cash and a bunch of ones because we just started giving the kids allowance. And I needed a bunch of change for when I sold Totally Desperate Mom after the Mother's Day services. And my five-year-old took advantage of me and my temporary cash situation. And there went my illustration. And there went Jordis's allowance. We took all the money from her and she did not receive her one-dollar allowance that week. And she will never steal money again. We hope.

The moral of the story? I don't even know. Good luck in parenting?

God is Good, But Sometimes Life Still Sucks

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Fri, 23 May 2014 04:48:00 +0000

Suffering sucks. Just this week I've heard this from dear friends . . .

My dad is suddenly really sick. Sclerosis of the liver and huge tumor there.

Our baby is not going to make it.

My husband was unfaithful. We are in the process of the divorce.

Awful. Heart-wrenching. Painful. Tragic. Last week I was asked to speak on the topic of grief. Because I know it. Because I have been there. Many of you know my story of loss and grief. Because of my journey, my heart is tender for those who are suffering. So let me just pre-party with you on this topic before I share at Mothers Together because it is weighing on my heart. And this is my self-therapy.

Many of you know grief personally. You are looking back on it. You are walking into it. You are right in the middle of it. And if that's you, I just want to validate the suckiness of it all. The pain of it all. The emotional pain where your heart just hurts so bad you want to crawl into a hole. The physical pain where you have cried so much it physically hurts and you feel like your throat is going to pulse into your brain -- or something totally funky like that because that hardcore crying pain is hard to articulate. It just sucks.

Yes, God is at work. Yes, somehow God is in control and we are not. Yes, God will bring good out of all things for those who love him and are called according to His purposes. Yes, what Satan has intended for evil, God has meant for good. Yes, God walks with us in our suffering. He hasn't caused it, but some how he steps right down into it. Yes, in our weakest, most desperate times . . . God speaks clearly. Or maybe we are just ready to listen. But some of us were really trying to listen before the pain, so what is up? Yes, God loves us. Yes, God has not forgotten us. Yes, we can trust him and do not need to fear. These things are awesome and true. I know this firsthand. They sustained my broken heart. They brought peace to my suffering. But my circumstances still sucked.

And all those truths about God don't mean you should be skipping through suffering. Because even with all these truths in your head, the pain is still there. The loss of marriage, the loss of a parent, the loss of a pregnancy, the loss of a baby, the loss of your health, the loss of a child to addiction, infertility . . .

I don't know where you are at as you read this, but if you are suffering loss right now I want to oddly encourage you with this:

Your situation sucks. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself grieve. Cling to Who and what you know, but let yourself cry out to God and grieve. And let people bring you meals for the rest of your life.

Our Paleo Faileo: A Gluten and Sugar Free Experiment

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Mon, 17 Mar 2014 22:01:00 +0000

I am married to a man who turns into a different person with a sip of caffeine or a bite of sugar. He goes from reserved to ummm. . . CRAZY. Crazy in a good way, of course. Just ask any of the young adults who were in our life group and witnessed the transformation.

Anyway, I thought that perhaps some of this food sensitivity business may have been passed down to our children (one child in particular) and may be contributing to . . . how do you say . . . mood swings. And we all know that sugar has no real benefits (outside of pure, temporary, emotional DELIGHT!) and that gluten simply serves to make you look a touch on the pregnant side. So while our family does not have any known sensitivities, allergies or issues with food (other than sugar addiction) I thought it might benefit the entire family to enter in to a few weeks of gluten-free and sugar-free eating. I was wrong.

Here's a recap of what went down:

Day 1: We will reduce and ease them in on this day. Oatmeal with chocolate chips for breakfast. I tell the kids what we are going to do. Paleo-ish eating. (But not cutting out all grain or dairy.) Together. As a family. And mommy will make delicious gluten and (refined) sugar-free meals. Does 5-year-old Jordis even know what gluten is? No. But how does she react? Lays on floor and screams "I'm gonna die!" I make delicious brussel sprouts with bacon for dinner from my friend Danielle Walker's cookbook Against All Grain. I love them. I am alone.

I make trip tip. They love that. Shiloh eats mint chocolate chip ice cream after dinner. Oops. Says he didn't realize he was a part of the experiment. I spend $4000 and my sweet precious time making gluten free bread. Homemade bread. It's a big deal. At least my dog thinks so because she jumped up to the counter and ate it when I was out of the room. And yes. I did cut off the dog side of the bread and ate the rest.

Day 2: Lydia goes to breakfast with dad. She has pancakes and hot chocolate. Umm..."Shiloh, remember we are trying to be gluten free and sugar free this week?" "You know I take the kids to breakfast every week. What else can she eat while out to breakfast?" Huh, I dunno. Eggs and bacon? Omelette? Oatmeal? Plain yogurt with fruit? Meanwhile, on the eat-breakfast-at-home-front Jordis refuses to eat the oatmeal I make because there is no brown sugar. SHE DOES NOT LIKE HONEY. So she eats a pear for breakfast. Elijah stays home "sick" from school and I later catch him downing a packet of hot chocolate in his room. Solid.

I put a slab of bacon in Jordis's snack for school. Totally normal. I'm sure she wasn't the only TK kid throwing down bacon at snack time. And since it's day two, I make real deal chocolate chip cookies because they don't have gluten or refined sugar . . . until I throw in some dark chocolate chips. So they are just smidge sugary. And fattening. Because I don't want to be legalistic. And we have to survive and junk.

For dinner I make broccolini. I ask shiloh to stop at store and grab a roasted chicken. Thankfully, he remembers the chicken when he picks up a box of Cream of Wheat and Malt'-O Meal.

Day 3: Took Jordis to Whole Foods. She refuses to try the gluten free pretzels that taste like they are slathered in butter and are so good. But she is loyal to the Trader Joe's pretzels so she will not budge.

Day 4: Lydia resists Starbursts from from a friend. Elijah goes to a friend's house after school and has chocolate milk. Cuz he forgot. Of course he did. Shiloh is still with us... in moderation: He's had a cheeseburger (with no bun!), ginger ale, and Taco Bell. Today. I am averaging two read deal chocolate chip cookies a day. We are crushing this.

Day 5:
Breakfast: Chicken sausages for breakfast and "flat" eggs. Only Elijah and Shiloh will eat the sausage.
Lunch is quesadillas with gluten-free, corn tortillas. The same tortillas that have accompanied our soft taco dinners. The same tortillas that were in Elijah's lunch. Seriously people, these are the softest bestest gluten-free corn tortillas ever. Until they're not gluten free. Shiloh looks at the packaging and says, "Hey honey. You know these have gluten in them right?" Dang it. No wonder they were so good. Winning.

Lydia goes to a movie with her friend so I pack her pretzels and fruit snacks. And dropped off gluten- free Mac and cheese for her to eat for lunch at her friend's house because that's convenient and normal.
-----
And that's all for the play-by-play folks. Suffice it to say we ate far worse on our gluten-gree, sugar free TEN DAYS then we normally do. To compensate for our deficiencies I gave the kids juice. Like every day. Normally juice is a treat for them. We had gluten-free pizza three times. Normally we have pizza maybe once a month. (But if you are wondering, Z Pizza had the best gluten-free pizza.) Shiloh says, "I am allergic to being gluten free." And I had so many gluten-free chocolate chip cookies because I stashed them in the freezer and loved on them every day. Because I am a good friend to those cookies. And now I want them.

In conclusion, the quasi paleo thing does not work for our family at this time. We do better in moderation both mentally and physically. However, if we were dealing with autoimmune disease, illness, allergies, stomach aches, etc. . . .we would listen to PINK and we would try, try, try. Again. Because I love that song and I do believe that this kind of eating is better for you. And it can really help to manage illness. READ Danielle's story. And buy her cookbook even if you are Paleo Faileo like us. Because there are great recipes in there.

If a picture could sum up our journey . . .

And please note: my floors just look clean and unscratched. They are not, so step off. Have a nice day.

This Parenting Thing is No Joke and Sometimes I Feel Like Quitting

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Tue, 11 Feb 2014 18:00:00 +0000

I am so thankful our marriage counselor warned me about what was to come with my son. During one of our sessions he said something like "Up until about age 10, your kids think you are a god and goddess. And after, they pull away and are way more into their friends."

As I have watched my sweet Elijah pull away over the last year or so those words echo in my head and I am able to cry and think this is normal? all at the same time. And I also start to understand why empty nesters get dogs and then totally obsess over them. It's like we were created for that deep connection with another human being - where we are the caretaker, the nurturer, the provider, the teacher, the love giver. And in turn, they give us unconditional love and teach us more than our brains can handle. And when the parent/child thing doesn't work out so neatly anymore, we get a dog.

And yet, I know this is just the beginning of the emotional hard stuff of parenting so many older moms "encouraged" me with when mine were all in carseats and diapers. "You think this is hard, just wait 'til they get older. Little people, little problems." or "What you are doing is physically tiring, but what's ahead is emotionally tiring." I get what they were saying and yet I would argue that 270 days of potty training a strong-willed child and dealing with a son who ate a live toad is physically and emotionally exhausting.

I guess what I am trying to say, is parenting is always hard and I am having a mid-life parenting crisis. Major parenting growing pains right now happening up in here. If you are in the same boat right now then maybe you will feel more normal hearing me spill my guts. And if nobody can relate to my this, please let me know so I can seek the professional help that I need.

Historically, I have not really been an anxious person. But now, I may have turned the corner. And I have to fight it. I have thoughts of "we should have just homeschooled him and never let him watch tv/movies and never let him out of the house to protect him from all the bad stuff and bad influences (besides our own sinful selves) in the world!" Is it too late for that? He loves the song "Ceiling Can't Hold Us" and doesn't care about the bad words that are even the clean version of the song. I used to think he could be a pastor with his sweet heart for the Lord. Now I am questioning if we have done enough to influence him spiritually. I have thoughts that he might be a drug addict considering how obviously addicted to sugar and video games he is and what a hard time he has controlling his temper and managing his emotions when he does't get his way. Right now we regulate his sugar intake and screen time - but will that backfire on us? As the reigns get loosened will he choose to self regulate? And am I loosing the reigns enough and in the right areas because that is so important - we raise them to release them, right? We teach them to make good choices and hope when they grow up they will make good choices. And yet, sometimes along the way, they need to fail and make bad choices and learn and grow from them. And we should not rescue them all the time. But he's my baby and I don't want to see him hurt or in jail or on drugs.

Because in a year-and-a-half he will be in junior high. And he will walk to school with friends and some friends will have phones with internet access. And you know what the internet has on it? A lot of bad stuff. And why do my kids fight so much? What am I doing wrong? And also, I cannot keep up with the laundry and dishes and cooking and field trips and forms and reading logs and yard duty. And I am I the worse mom ever? And somedays (like this past Sunday) I just want to quit. THIS PARENTING THING IS NO JOKE. Are you with me?

I'm struggling right now, but I am pressing on. Because my husband gives me good pep talks when I am melting down. And I am praying like crazy throughout the day that God would give me strength and wisdom and HELP! And I turn to Him to calm my anxious heart with His truth. Like this verse. Clinging to it.
"Give your attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." Matthew 6:34 (The Message)
This morning the hard thing that came up was when Elijah and I were about to leave for his 10-year "well" doctor visit . . . he threw up. Another day in the motherhood, my friends.
I CAN DO THIS!
YOU CAN DO THIS MY TOTALLY DESPERATE MOM FRIENDS!

Hagen Family Worst Photos of 2013

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Mon, 23 Dec 2013 00:05:00 +0000

It's that time of year. The time where we celebrated "God With us" where Jesus came to the earth for our ugly. Our spiritual ugly.

It's also that time of year. Where you celebrate my family's ugly. Our physical ugly. Because let's face it, with the right lighting and makeup (or lake thereof), we can all look pretty special.

May your self-esteem be boosted by our reality.

Also, this tradition is hard to keep up so lower your expectations this year, would ya? As Shiloh put it, "There are only so many angles you can get of your wrinkles. You need to come up with something else." So perhaps my New Year's Resolution will be to "come up with something else." But until then...

Merry Christmas.

This year I will throw myself under the bus first. . .

Bathroom selfies. They are all the rage. Except maybe in better lighting. And with a toilet in the background.

You might look cute after a workout. But I don't.

It's like my right eye bag is winking at you.

Not sure where to start with this one. So just focus on my daughter's hair clip.

The 80s called and they want my pink back. However, my wrinkles are allowed to remain in 2013.

What do you do when you are on vacation and have a four-hour wait at the ER because your five year-old fell off the bed and gashed her head on a paper shredder? Charades. It's what we do. And we look good doing it. Or maybe we don't whatever.

Ummm...that's not me?

Now for the boys.

Dumb and dumber. And Mr. T. Kind of.

Shiloh kind of looks like Banshee the cat does right before he throws up. Please don't throw up on our neighbor's baby.

Creepy Shiloh, creepy.

Maybe I am not the only one who looks bad after a workout.

Tough guy...ish.

Those floods. That hair. Straight up BALLER.

Elijah has nailed the "I just woke up look."

Shiloh has also perfected the "I just woke up look." So proud of my boys.

The girls are still going strong with some solid worst photos.

Prepare yourself for a nightmare on this one. Very clown reminiscent.

Lydia has really nailed the emo look and we are so proud.

Kids are so cute when they are sleeping. With a monkey around their neck and hands in the air like they just don't care.

If noes could speak, then well . . .

Jordis's solid self-makeover complete with stunning red lipstick and untamed hair.

The Coffee Bean. Like a drug. I get it, Jordis. I really do.

Finger painting. Also, very therapeutic.

Jordis is still working on her best rock star pose.

These kids are always clean and ready to pose for the camera.

For real, I think my family is incapable of taking normal photos. Incapable. And Jordis's has exceeded her limit on eye rolls. She will not have any left when she is a teenager.

From my tame and normal family to yours - Merry Christmas!

To walk down worst memory lane . . . 2012, 2011, 2010, 2009.

What I learned From Fasting and Paul Walker's Death

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Tue, 03 Dec 2013 20:57:00 +0000

Long overdue update . . .

I survived 7 days without some of my worldly comforts, distractions, addictions. And I learned a few things. And I spent more time with God. I had more empty space - time for prayer and contemplation. I probably got an extra hour of sleep each night. And of course, when you are not really looking at your phone much, you realized that probably 90% of the teen/adult population is smart-phone addicted. There is very little room for empty space in this world. Space to think. Space to be bored. Space to not have screens in our faces. Standing in line. While our kids buckle in. Walking across the street. At the restaurant before, during after, after the food gets served. Constant stimulation. Constant distraction.

While giving up sugar and caffeine was probably the hardest thing this week, the biggest change I will make has come out of fasting from all of the phone-related stuff. I don't want to be constantly looking at my phone. I don't want my kids to see me checking my email multiple times in the day or using empty space to look at the phone to check instagram. I am not trying to build an Amish community, but I want to show my children that smart phones don't need to dominate our lives. Our children watch and learn from us. And I want them to learn to engage with people. And to be okay with downtime. I want them to be able to wait in a line without entertainment. I want them to feel free to be present. Sure, I cannot control their future love affair with their phones, but I'll do my best to set a healthy example of phone life. And they will know that they are more important than my social media mojo or my emails. Moving on. . .
Here's my overview of my week of fasting:

1. Social media. I probably missed this the least. It was the easiest to give up. It actually brings freedom. Nevertheless, I checked it way too much prior to this fast. For fun, for habit, to fill a few minutes of empty space. My post-fast plan is to check it after the kids go to bed. Maybe once when they are in school. If I post during the day, the goal is to not be actually going on there and checking others's posts, checking feedback, etc. Just post it and walk away. Just walk away.

2. The Internet. A real time suck for sure. It starts with one click. And then the next thing you know you have a lot of useless information in your head. I am going to try not to click on non-essential websites during the day. (And by essential I mean school ones, a recipe, etc.) And limit my time at night.

3. Caffeine. I longed for a glass of iced tea come 3 o'clock. I missed my morning shake with cacao powder. The biggest surprise on this one was that I didn't ever get a withdrawal headache and I didn't sleep better at night. I am a light sleeper so I sleep with earplugs every night. Rumor is that eliminating caffeine and screen time before bed will help with sleep. I didn't find this to be true. However, I have other extenuating circumstances that affect my sleep. 1. Two cats that bug. And lay on top of me. And then I throw them off. And then they come back. And then one of them sometimes purrs in my face early in the morning. 2. Elijah was sick for part of the week. Then he finished being sick, Jordis got sick. When my kids are sick, I don't sleep very well. I wake up and take their temperatures and mom business like that. Conclusion: maybe if I farm out my cats and my kids I would realize the sleeping benefits of eliminating caffeine?

4. Sugar. Sugar is the devil. And also an angel. Like angel food cake, cupcakes, cup of hot chocolate, chocolate brownies from scratch (made those last night). See? I missed sugar. How does one get born without a sweet tooth? Can I be a born again without a sweet tooth? They say if you go long enough without sugar, you don't crave it anymore. I don't believe that, but maybe it's true. I stopped drinking brown cola in junior high for some strange reason - I think it was something my dance teacher said. I don't think I have had one since. Instead, I would drink 7-up or Sprite but only on tap from restaurants. I stopped that 10 years ago or so. No soda of any kind in at least 10 years. I have no desire for soda whatsoever. Maybe sugar is like that. But PROBABLY NOT! I am still figuring out what to do with this sugar crush I have. I think I am going to have every other day off sugar though or something. Pathetic, I know. But I need to just exercise some discipline.

5. Television. I missed it. I missed the UCLA football game. I missed watching a show with my husband before bed. I enjoy the "not thinking" part about television. They don't call it mindless entertainment for nuthin'.

6. Scramble Free. I really like this game. And I think it helps to prevent Altzheimer's. A good mental challenge and respite from my everyday tasks. Like rescuing children from building burnings and walking old ladies across the street. But I don't really play it all that much so I think I'm okay in this department.

7. Email. Most emails are not urgent. Not necessary to be checking with phone and dealing with emails all the time. However, I did think it was more helpful to set aside some time in the day to go through emails rather than waiting 'til the evening when my brain starts to go dead and then I don't deal with them. And then things fall through the crack. But again, the key with "checking email" is to keep it to checking email and not getting sidetracked into the world wide web.

I didn't know how to sum up this post. So it has been sitting in my queue for weeks. But now I do. Unfortunately, it is because an old friend of mine Paul Walker recently died in a car crash.

(Paul visting me on the set of The New Lassie at Universal Studios.

I have not spoken to him in years, but there was a time in my life in high school when he was a close friend. And we had a short-lived (2 weeks?) romance and even told my Lassie mom Dee Wallace that "I would never love again" after he broke things off. But that's another (funny) story.

(Although posing awkwardly as if this was for a prom, this picture was taken at a mutual friend's wedding.)

Anyway, my heart has really been aching and praying a lot these last few days for Paul's family and close friends. Paul's family and those close mutual friends were like a family to me during a pivotal time in my life. We all hung out so much together. Paul and his friends were like brothers, their parents like parents to me when I was away from my family because of my acting stuff. I am hurting for them. I could go on and on about the great memories and wonderful community from that time in my life and maybe someday I will, but for now I'll end with this . . .

Life is short.
How are you spending your time?
Do you know you were created for a purpose?
That purpose (summed up in Matthew 22:34-40) is to love God with everything you have. And everything you are.
And to love others deeply with the love God has given you.
Get to know God.
What matters in life? Do that.

I Am Addicted to Everything

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Fri, 25 Oct 2013 23:24:00 +0000

So maybe everything is an exaggeration. And maybe it's not exactly text-book addiction. But there are a number things I rely on in my life on a regular basis to bring me happiness, energy, distraction, affirmation, entertainment, and escape. They are not necessarily bad things, but they can be. They can squeeze out sleep. They can cut short real-life conversation. They can fill me up and leave little space for time spent with God. They can crowd my head so I can't hear God's voice. They can fill me up so I don't realize how much I actually need Him to fill me.

For the past few weeks, I have heard God nudging me to be "stripped." It's the word that keeps coming to me. I often think about those in third world countries and wonder why they get to witness all the healings and much more supernatural action from God. Why do those in extreme poverty often have so much faith? Is it because they are stripped? Because God is all they have so God is all they need? What does that even look like? Of course, I don't want to be that stripped. Don't take my health. Don't take my family. Don't take my freedom. Don't take my access to healthcare. I like to be comfortable :) But for seven days I am going to voluntarily strip myself of some of my addictions and worldly comforts and privileges. I want more of God and less of me.

(I took this pic of Elijah on my iphone in Hawaii. My father-in-law tweaked the coloring. I love it.)

In the past, I have fasted from certain things individually. A week or two I go without sugar as my craving for it spirals out of control. A day without food so I am hungry for God or I fast and pray for a specific need. No social media for a month as I find the compulsion to upload all funny moments to instagram or facebook too consuming and addicting.
So this is my wussy offering. My weak attempt at being stripped of a few worldly comforts. No, I am not living on $2 per day or camping out in a rat-infested bunker. I am not looking to be a martyr or an ascetic. But I want to be faithful to what I hear calling me to for seven days. (And yes, I love Jen Hatmaker's book 7. I guess this is kind of like my tweaked and condensed version of it.)

Even my dog's addicted to her iphone.

For seven days:

1. I will not be on social media. You will have to find your pinspiration elsewhere, folks.

2. I will not be on the internet. Which for me includes no cnn.com and the like. News sites can easily be a time vortex for me. One minute I'm are reading about an earthquake and the next thing I know I'm reading about a huge fish washed up on the beach in San Diego and then Kim K and Kanye are engaged and then Lamar is MIA and then . . . you get the drift. Time suck.

3. I will not consume caffeine. I am not a coffee girl, but I make a delicious breakfast shake every morning with cacao powder and I drink iced tea in the afternoon. And I love them both and want to marry them.

4. I will not eat sugar. I'm not into direct hits from Fun Dip, but I love treats. And there will be no work around for me. No honey, no maple syrup. But I will eat fruit so take that.

5. I will not watch television. I love The Biggest Loser. I watch it while I work out and then I cry and then I can barely breathe because I already can't breathe from Shaun T's workout and then add the cry. If I die while working out, you'll know why. No oxygen.

6. I will not play games on my phone like zoo pals and candy crush. Actually, I only play one game and only with three people, but still. Two minutes here. Two minutes there. It adds up. No Scramble Free for me. Sorry HC, Peter, and Alissa my sweet Scramble friends.

7. I will not be checking my email frequently. Just in the morning and night. Or maybe I will just have my husband check it for me. I will not be attached to the screen of my phone. We are breaking up.

Some people in my life group are going to join me in this week-long journey so I thought I would throw it out to my blog and FB friends as well. Keep in mind, this your journey. Maybe you have something else to cut out (alcohol? Pinterest? shopping?). Or maybe cutting out caffeine will cause you to lose your job and die. You figure out your own guidelines and boundaries. I plan on journaling each day, spending more time reading God's word, and listening to Him. Clearing away the distractions and addictions to make room for the King. Will you join me? You can start whenever you want, but I am starting this Sunday, October 27th.

P.S. "Coincidentally," I just got asked to speak at a women's event where the theme will be "Declutter and Delight in Christ." Funny how God works. He gets his message across to me through multiple avenues. I guess I will have some material for them :)

Against All Grain Cookbook Winner and Dark Chocolate Cake Brownies

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Sun, 20 Oct 2013 17:18:00 +0000

I have a new winner now. (First 2 never contacted me so I didn't have their addresses!)
Congrats Amy! This cookbook will be PERFECT for her! Amy, please send me your address ASAP!

So I have been on a baking kick since I got my copy of Against All Grain cookbook. And just so you know, the dark chocolate cake brownies are delicious. I brought them to my life group. Then I blinked. Then they were gone.

They were gluten free and dairy free until I added gelato. Such is life.

And the moment 27 of you have been waiting for . . . . the winner of the signed copy of Danielle Walker's New York Times Bestselling Cookbook is . . .

Random Person #2. Congrats Jean! She's already got the book, but she is excited for a signed copy! Jean, please email you your info at wendy at wendyhagen dot net so I can get it to you!

Gluten-Free Chocolate Chip Cookies and a Giveaway

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Mon, 14 Oct 2013 17:21:00 +0000

Let's play the word association game. When I say you gluten you say. . . cardboard. Especially when it comes to any kind of baked goods, right? Well, guess what my friends? I have a recipe for gluten-free chocolate chip cookies that will change your GCAI (gluten cardboard association issues). Lucky for you, I didn't make this recipe up, but my friend did. And she has skills.

Let me introduce you to Against All Grain's Danielle Walker. As the story goes - she started a blog for fun. She has spent a lot of time in the kitchen perfecting recipes and experimenting with foods to help get her Ulcerative Colitis under control. Her blog has grain-free recipes and fancy, beautiful pictures. Her blog readership skyrocketed and people across the world are enjoying her recipes and seeing improvement in their health. From autism to autoimmune diseases, people are benefiting from Danielle's recipes. Most recently Danielle released a cookbook with Paleo and Specific Carbohydrate Diet recipes - grain free, dairy free. And no cardboard.
And she's my friend. And I taught her everything she knows . . . about Formula One racing.

The cookbook made the New York Best Times Best Seller List right away. You can find the cookbook at many places including Costco. And let's be honest - in the age of the internet, who uses cookbooks anymore? I have gotten rid of most of mine, but I got hers because she's my friend. However, this is the most beautiful cookbook (gorgeous pictures with every recipe) I have ever seen and I love it and want to sleep with it on my nightstand. Even if I'm just a poser and never make a recipe from it.

However, it's too late because I am not a poser. I already made three recipes and ordered a food processor. So I guess my GCAI issues are over and I am a part of Danielle's posse. Incidentally, no one in my family has health issues or allergies. We are not a gluten-free or dairy-free or sugar-free family or a Paleo family, but I have seen the health benefits in so many people. It certainly can't hurt us to incorporate this type of eating into our lives.

So go check out Danielle's blog and read her story and get her cookbook and then make the chocolate layer cake and bring me a piece.

The other night I made her Real-Deal Chocolate Chip Cookies. They were delicious despite the fact my experience in the kitchen looks nothing like what you see in the pictures, on blogs, in the cookbook, or on television. Keepin' it real in the cookie-hood right here, folks.

The ingredients. (I did substitute butter for palm shortening. Because what the heck is palm shortening? I don't have palm trees to extract from and I couldn't find it at Whole Foods. And Danielle told me if you don't have dairy issues . . . butter makes them better. Preach Danielle.)

The process. Totally Desperate Mom style.

The transfer from blender to bowl. Not pretty. I didn't have a food processor because I gave it away. We got one when we first got married and never used it. Because when we first got married I am pretty sure our 23-year-old bodies did just fine on quesadillas and hot pockets. But I just ordered a food processor and I think I will love it now that I am a grown up who makes real food.

I mostly used nut-free, dairy-free chocolate chips, but I made a few with chunks of milk chocolate bar.

Boom. Real-Deal Chocolate Chip Cookies. Yum. Delicious. I restrained myself and only had two. Until I had to have another one. My husband held back and only had three. Until he had four or five. And the kids love them. Also, I love my new oven and would sleep with it on my nightstand if I could. In case you were wondering.

They were a little grainier because I only had Bob's Red Mill Almond Meal/Flour instead of the kind Danielle recommends for baking. Bob's stuff works, but the fine blanched almond flour works much better with baking.

And now for the giveaway . . . Danielle is giving away a signed copy of her cookbook Against All Grain: Deletable Paleo Recipes to Eat Well and Feel Great to the person who has the best luck with random.org. Simply leave a comment here with an interesting or boring comment about yourself and on Saturday, October 19 at 9pm PST Mr. Random will choose a winner. I will post it by Sunday, October 20th. (U. S. and Canada residents only.)

Go check out the gluten-free chocolate chip recipe over at Against All Grain!

Laugh. For the Children. With my High School Friend.

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Wed, 25 Sep 2013 16:39:00 +0000

My friend Andrew from high school is a comedian. Legit. Hilarious. Been on Letterman. And when I say hilarious, I mean it. I have seen him at least five times. Still funny. And I only think a handful of comedians are funny. And I am the judge of funny. Just ask me. And he is gonna be in the Bay Area next month bringing the funny.

I don't know about the other two guys, Andrew claims they are funny. And they will be clean on this Incredibly Handsome Comedians night. I convinced Andrew to take some of his funds for his "handsome rights" charity and donate them to The Link To Children. You know, the awesome non-profit I blogged about and am helping to fundraise for and that you want to donate goods or crafts or cash to?

So if you are in the San Francisco Bay Area, come on down on October 25th for a night of comedy.

And be sure to put TLC in the password/coupon code so TLC can get half of the ticket sales!

Go buy those tickets!

Please Give Me Your Crafts. For the Children.

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Thu, 12 Sep 2013 03:27:00 +0000

You know it seems that you are always being asked for something? Your money, your craftiness, your time, your dancing shoes? People are asking me all the time Will you send me one of your homemade crafts for a fundraiser? And I'm always like Certainly. I got wreathes made out of doilies and twigs til the sun don't shine. It is hard to have mad crafting skills like me. Not trying to be cocky, but I mean, have you seen my party favors tutorial? So I get it if you are maxed out with your giving.

That being said, I would love your help if you can swing it! I need some donations from the real deal crafters and handmade dealio people of the blogosphere. Doesn't have to be handmade actually, gift cards, cash,and un-handmade items are happily accepted as well.

So here's the deal:
My girlfriend (READ THIS ARTICLE about her and what she does besides being a master on the Zumba floor and possessing professional athlete calves) is the director of an amazing non-profit in Oakland, California called The Link to Children. In short, TLC does therapy for kids ages 5 and under in Alameda County who have been exposed to major trauma. You know when you hear or read on the news about a kid whose mom murdered their dad right in front of them? Or the kid who watched a sibling get beaten to death? Those are the kids TLC is serving. I wish TLC didn't need to exist, but it does. And there is a wait list of kids who need serious help process what they have seen and heard.
Meanwhile, my kid is spending her sweet time at a clothing store throwing down her middle splits. So innocent. So protected. So blessed. I want that for all children.* So I am out to get The Link to Children some more money so they can service more children so those children can heal and recover and blossom and thrive and know they are worthy and loved. (*Note: Therapy at TLC does not necessarily lead to middle splits at clothing stores.)

(HC, director of TLC pictured on the far right with my two other buddies. Sorry, HC's calves not pictured.)

This year I am on their fundraising committee to help with their upcoming Dinner/Auction. I have been shamelessly asking local businesses and friends to donate goods and services for the silent auction. And now I'm coming for you.

So dear internet/bloggy friends . . . if you have it in your financial and crafty and time bandwidth will you mail me something special for the auction? Banners, wreaths, plaques, fancy things, unfancy things, onsies, a gift card to Starbucks or Target or Amazon, a coffee mug, a book, a blanket, hair clips, tutus, pooper scoopers . . . whatever you can give would be much appreciated and will be tax deductible as well. Your item will probably be put in a basket with some other stuff depending on what you send. And don't worry, I won't be the one putting the baskets together to look all pretty. I will be recruiting others to help pretty things up.

So, are you in? Please leave me a comment about what you can donate with your email or email me directly at wendy at wendyhagen dot net. I would love to get everything to me by October 23rd.

Pee, Mud, and Selfishness: Ever Had one of those Days?

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Tue, 06 Aug 2013 23:28:00 +0000

Yesterday was one of those days. You know when your kid wakes up cranky and has a total meltdown over video game time and how totally unfair we are as parents since we limit his screen time? Fact (from our son): all other parents across America allow limitless screen time. (What are your screen time rules?) And then your dog gets let in the house with mud all over her feet tracking it all throughout the house. So you vacuum and mop those hardwood floors. And then later in the day all three of your children are fighting about the Secret Club. You know the one between the bushes and the fence where each child has his/her own house? Well, that's MY bucket, and that's MY lacrosse stick, and that's MINE, MINE, MINE. So I am taking it from your house. Which of course, ruins said house because that "was all my decorations for my house. AND you made all my flowers fall off (fall on ground and cry) my shower."And after 20 minutes of talk about selfishness and what not . . . no resolution. Mom just lays head in lap and asks God for wisdom and for selfishness to go away and for hard hearts to be soft and sweet.

Then things get better for a few moments. Son realizes the error of his ways and genuinely apologizes and it feels so good. All is well in the world for a bit. Kids play outside. Jordis comes in the house to pee . . . all over the floor. A big 'ol puddle as well as a pee trail in case anyone is tracking her. Time to mop the floor again. And our washing machine has been broken for weeks. That's a whole other story . . .
And then it is time to come inside for bed. Kids falling on the floor. They are starving. They can't even walk into the house even though moments before they were happily scooting/skating around. And Shiloh had to work late, which is actually a praise because he is killing it in real estate which is means we have food to feed our starving children. But, he is not here to help with the bedtime dramas.

I am leaving out 42 other incidents, but you get the drift. Some days. Some days you think Does time really fly when you have young children because I can't wait 'til they are all in bed? Asleep. No leg aches. No dying of thirst. No starvation. No itchy eyeballs. No too hot, too cold. No philosophical questions about puppy machines. Asleep.

Good news - at the end of the day I looked as awesome as this. Sweats rolled up on account of Jordis pee getting on them. Still wearing my fancier tops from the day's journey. And now noting that that blue Target sweater looks really lame buttoned over the ruffle shirt. Whatever. I'm alive and my dog got walked. Do you feel me? Can you relate to any or ALL of this action? Ever had one of those days?

That Time my Son ate a Live Toad

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Mon, 29 Jul 2013 19:03:00 +0000

We just got back from a wonderful and . . . eventful . . . Hume Lake vacation.
The drive up was smooth. Elijah engaged in his Rick Riordon book, Shiloh and I in our weird sunglasses, Jordis with her head wound from the week before (another costly ER trip), Lydia with her goose egg and bruised forehead from a headfirst fall out of a tree in our backyard.

Day 1: Jordis wakes up with hurting tummy. Puke ensues for the next two hours. I think it was dehydration or altitude sickness or something non-contagious like that because she was fine after that. But Shiloh and I took turns being quarantined with her that day and night just in case.

Day 2:
The girls meet their new best friends and cling to them every chance they get. And we feed the ducks at the lake.

Now for the toad eating story: there are several versions of this toadly story but it goes a little something like this:

At "Day Camp" a toad hops into the s'mores fire and a counselor puts it in her s'more and eats it as sort of a dare from another counselor. Said counselor assumes that no kids are watching this activity. Of course, counselor has no children and does not yet realize that kids miss nothing. Whisper quietly and turn up the music, blindfold them and turn them the other way . . . but they'll hear it and see it. Elijah witnesses cooked toad s'more partaking and wants to join in. Grabs a small toad and says "Can I eat this?" Counselor says "Sure, go for it." Once again, said counselor does not have children and does not realize a nine-year-old boy will, in fact, do it. Elijah pops in the toad and swallows it like a pill. Counselor is mortified. Kids are cheering. Elijah is a hero. Until mom picks him up and finds out that her son ate a toad. Is it poisonous? Will it make him sick? Is he going to get Salmonella? Parasites? An increase in IQ? So we take Elijah to the infirmary where nurse cannot contain her giggles and says "They didn't train me for this one." We search the internet and figure he could be totally fine or he could be totally sick forever. Wait and see. The next morning Elijah blows his nose and thinks there is a frog leg in it. It's just dirt, but perhaps there is a portion of digested frog in it. One never knows.

Six days later and Elijah is fine. He keeps checking his poop to see if Mr. Toad shows up after a wild ride through Elijah's digestive tract, but so far nothing. Just your average poop sessions.

*Note: The frogs pictured here are not of the chosen toad family Elijah partook of. Because that toad is dead, my friends. Inside this little sweet boy. R.I.P. And I've been told the toad he swallowed is about the size of a thumb nail.

Day 3:

Lydia and Shiloh hit the lake.

Our friend Chris Brown practices his talk for the The Global Leadership Summit where he will be speaking alongside Colin Powell and Mark Burnett. You know Colin P., practically the former leader of the free world? And the Markster, maker of every hit reality show and the recent sensation The Bible series? No big deal.

Day 4:

Elijah gets blobbed and loves it.

We celebrate Jordis's fifth birthday with a milkshake party.

Jordis goes to the gift shop with birthday money and picks out whatever she wants. I had to draw the line at a tiny, glass animal figurine but we did score with another stuffed animal, a ring bigger than her hand, and a bag of "special" rocks.

Day 5:

After an unsuccessful, late night of toad hunting with Chris and Shiloh, Elijah and Barak (and new friend Josiah) discover a frog colony just outside of where we are staying. And spend four hours collecting frogs, naming them, training them and playing "Frog Wars" on the sewage cap. They employ special moves and change the rules and cheat with each battle.

Lydia goes from not wanting to touch the frogs to naming them, playing with them, loving them, and training them. "Mom, I don't want to go to Wagon Train next year. I just want to come here and play with frogs all day long. Every day."

Day 6:
The older Brown kids get back from camp and the Hagen and Brown kids happily unite and all delve into the frog colony and resume collecting, naming, and frog warring.

Before we leave, I make sure we get a group family photo and Shiloh's makes sure we remember him as I pose awkwardly for prom.

Other Hume highlights:

Elijah's wire pops out of his retainer, we get paged to pick up Jordis from Huckleberry house due to a tummy ache (which resolved itself after pick up with deathly smelling gas), and many golf carts. Incidentally, my kids can no longer walk two steps. They. Need. A. Golf. Cart.

Loved hanging with Amy and running around the lake with her. I ran the lake a lot to keep up with my Hume Lake milkshake affair. Also, I wore a pager just to be 1980s cool.

Friends for over 25 years, I ask Shiloh and Chris to stop for a sweet, nostalgic, picture and this is what I get. Peace out, my friends. And go to Hume Lake. It rules.

P.S. I have not been blogging as much these days. It's a time thing. But I do some lazy blogging on my facebook page so if you are interested in hearing more about toad eating type adventures and stuff like that . . .you can find me there.

High School Reunions - Love 'Em or Hate 'Em?

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Wed, 03 Jul 2013 23:23:00 +0000

I graduated from high school in 1993. Twenty years ago. You know what that means - besides body parts getting un-tight and more cracks on your face - HIGH SCHOOL REUNION!
There are several thought processes that accompany those three words:
1. I hated high school. Why would I want to revisit it?
2. Facebook is my high school reunion. I see what people are doing and that's as far as I want to take it.
3. I already talk to my friends from high school who I want to talk to. The rest? I don't want to talk to them. So why should I reunificate (good word huh? Just made it up, right now. Probably cuz I graduated from high school) with them?
4. I hate small talk. And that's what reunions are all about. Small talk and uncomfortable high heels.
5. I am an extreme introvert. Large crowds make me uncomfortable so why would I want to suck in my gut for that torture?
6. I am in a difficult/unwanted place in my life right now (unemployed, going through divorced, single, 48 kids, etc) and everyone else has all their junk together. Except for the junk in their trunk - that's probably a lot bigger or saggier than twenty years ago.
7. I just had a baby and am in The Black Hole and my body parts are falling off.
8. I live too far away and I can't make the trip out because I was just in town two weeks before and I don't have a jet plane or that much time off work or people to watch my kids or money to pay my bills.
9. I don't even want to go, but my spouse does. So I guess we are going.
10. I love a party and I loved high school. While I have connected with some people on facebook it would be great to see them in person. And with kids and life in the crazy lane, I hardly get to see my close high school friends anyway so this will be awesome.

You might guess the category I fall into. Let's hear it for number 10! Also, did I leave any high school reunion attitudes out?

One of my good girlfriends from high school was in charge of planning the reunion. Because she was popular and governmental. *Note: don't ever run for senior class president because somewhere in fine print in the ASB handbook it states that the senior class prez is in charge of high school reunions forever. So this friend, who we will call Kendall, to protect the correct spelling of her name, lives across the country, works full time, and has two kids. Perfect for planning a reunion. So me and a few others helped her out. And here is how the awesome went down.

(me and the Prez)

Saturday morning - picnic with family at a local park in 100 degree heat. I didn't care, but my family was getttin' all hot and ready to go way before I was.

But Jordis and her new friend (daughter of a classmate) seemed to really be enjoying themselves.

When I realized we didn't have name tags I grabbed some from home, but I didn't have quite enough. So searched Pinterest for hours and figured out how to cut them in half ever so . . . tackily. As you can see, they were a huge hit.

We had the reunion at a local hotel. I got there early to make sure me and my girls were all wearing black. Check. Because black (and Spanx) hides things that happen over the last 20 years.

I set up a memorial table to remember those from our class who have passed. It was not my idea so stop yourself before you go all "What a great idea, Wendy" on me. Heard about it from someone who had that at her reunion so we ran with it.

Then I looked around for my husband who was meeting me there. Instead, I found this stylin' guy and made a name tag for him and called him my husband, because he was hot. (Shiloh totally surprised me with this get-up. Rented it at a costume store and everything. Stayed in character, which was "cool guy" the whole time.)

Chatted with long lost friends and unlost friends who I rarely get to see.

Friends since elementary school. Both named Katie.

Taught me dear friend Jared about selfies, the junior high duck face, and accompanying peace sign. Jared and I used to be a part of the "TobDanWen" ball wall club in 5th grade. We were hoping to make a career out of that, but Jared chose pediatric dentistry instead. Whatever. Bet he wishes he could still cherry bomb like my Lydia can.

Got prepped for the dance floor and begged people to join me. Finally a handful of drunk people obliged. And the cool guy came out and showed off his two moves. (He claims he has many more, but retired them in the 90s.)

Next morning had brunch with some of my buddies.

Separated the girls and the boys. Us girls cried laughing about some high school stories. The boys talked about whatever husbands of high school buddies talk about. Sports? Weather? Video Games? I dunno. Or they just look at their phones and wonder how long this brunch is gonna be.

I had a great weekend and loved catching up with people and wish there was even more time to catch up with old friends. Next up? Shiloh's class reunion. I think I am going to dress up like Vanilla Ice.
High school reunions. Which number to you fall under? Been to yours? Looking forward to one? Gagging at the thought of it?

Do You Allow Potty Talk...On Your Bathroom Wall?

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 16:53:00 +0000

One day I had a revelation. Pinterest inspiration, if you will, that just came to me. My kids have done some pretty classy artwork and such that relates to umm . . . what is important and funny to them. Coincidentally, it has do with pee and poop and the bathroom is (hopefully) where you do that stuff, right? So I put two and two together and got eleven and decided to run with it. Why not frame it and put it up as bathroom decor? Would you rather look at boring and matchy floral prints when you walk into someone's guest bathroom or would you rather laugh and enjoy the kid aroma that fills the house? Don't answer that question. The decision's been made. Welcome to our guest bathroom.

Elijah's kindergarten homework. Nailed it.

Lydia drew the rainbow. Elijah came up with the slogan. Match made in heaven.

At church, Elijah was asked to make a sign he had seen before. Preach it Elijah.

I was one masterpiece shy of a fully potty display so I threw in this gem. It's the reason we send our kids to public school. Cuz they learn what time snack is and in the real world - VERY important.

The flushable wipes on the back of the toilet round out the features of this lovely, remodeled bathroom.

Limping Along the Finish Line With My Son Whom We'll Call Josh

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Sat, 08 Jun 2013 05:31:00 +0000

Do yourself a favor and go read Jen Hatmaker's post about the end of the school year. It is so hilarious and true that you just might pass out reading it. So true that with 3 1/2 days left of school I called my son "josh" made a trade at school. However, his name is not Josh and the kid he traded with was not Josh. So whatever. I don't even know my own children's name anymore. And didn't even realize it until a FB friend pointed it out. Limping across the finish line, people. Limping.

Lydia's Makeover Birthday Party

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Thu, 06 Jun 2013 14:22:00 +0000

Lydia turned seven a few weeks ago. Her birthday was on the "Fun Run"day at her school. You know, the fun run where your kids are supposed to get sponsors to raise money for the school, but the kids don't really care about it so the parents are the ones who get the sponsors? All two of them - yourself and your parents and maybe an uncle if you are lucky. Does your school do a money run?

Anyway, her class color was purple so she awoke to a birthday present that was two purple outfits to choose from. Uncle Mitchy and Aunt Karen were in town from Southern Cal so we all headed out to cheer her on in her running endeavors. Jordis was thrilled to be there. (We found out the next day that she had pneumonia so that may have contributed to her grumpy Fun Run attendance.)

When she first saw our entourage and the sign I made her (via Costco.com) . . . priceless.

I ran with her most of the time, but could barely keep up.

On Saturday was Lydia's big makeover party. Planned out by her, of course.

My fifth-grade nieces came to help manage the salon.

The pedicure station was slammed for most of the party.

The Drying Station was conveniently located next to the bike and scooter parking. Once you're dry, you can ride off into the sunset.

The finished products looked amazing, right? They were ready to hit the streets. Of my cul-de-sac. On bikes and scooters.

Then They danced and practiced some routines they have been working on at recess. And that's a whole other blog post.

They ate pizza.

They enjoyed my Pinterest-worthy cupcakes. Nailed them once again, people. Pin away. Almost as good as my Elmo cake.

And the birthday girl was happy. And her little sister was at the doctor with her dad getting her pneumonia diagnosis. Of course. (But she is all good now.)

Lydia chose and arranged the songs for her annual birthday mix. I put the CD with a lip gloss and hair tie and gave them out as party favors. And there you have it - extreme makeover birthday party. Lydia style.

Book Giveaway, Warriors, and Peace

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Wed, 15 May 2013 00:38:00 +0000

Three things:

1. Let's go Warriors. We are fans over in this house, especially my Elijah.

2. My friend Melissa over at Larson Lingo is giving away some copies of my book Totally Desperate Mom. Go over to The Larson Lingo and enter.

3. On Mother's Day weekend I spoke at Crossroads Church in Fremont. About Three Keys to Peace in Relationships. Because my family is perfect and so are all of my relationships. I got it all figured out. Just kidding, of course. The fact is - God uses us in our mess. And we can have peace in our hearts in the midst the crazy of everyday life. You can listen to my talk here. *

*This photo is not from me speaking at Crossroads, but I usually have some funky expression on my face when I am talking so it works.

I Got a Male Box

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Mon, 13 May 2013 17:04:00 +0000

I was super blessed this year for Mother's Day. Cuz I got a male box. For all my males. Handmade by Lydia. For all you mamas whose body parts are falling off and are a living in a zombie state of sleep deprivation from the newborn lifestyle . . . this is what you have to look forward to. So good.

Mother's Day gem

noreply@blogger.com (TDM Wendy) — Sat, 11 May 2013 12:00:00 +0000

Happy Mother's Day y'all!
This was the Mother's Day gem I received last year. And I loved, loved, loved it.
Hope you have a day filled with naps, exercise, extra cuddles and homemade gifts from your kids, a massage gift certificate from your husband, and yummy food - not to project my ideal day on you or anything :)