TalkFool

Did I Tell You Not to Date a Lesbian

2013-04-30T21:50:00.003-07:00

Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Beers Worth Hunting For...

2011-11-30T12:02:00.000-08:00

Beer is really a very personal thing, a matter of your taste, not just "taste." Of course, there are beers that are purely for people who don't care about taste but want a beer that drinks well or easy. I for one want nothing to do with a beer that is drank just for ease. On occasion I will get one of "those" beers because what I am eating requires no compliment, like enchilada's at the Bottom Line. In that case, pass me a Corona or a Dos XX, or even blander, pass me a Land Shark (uggh!).

For those moments when I am eating well and want a beer for just that, I have my go to girls. So here is my list of best beers in DC for eating well and beering well...

Pick number one: Gulden Draak (Dark Triple) - This is what I consider a Belgian without peers. I had it on tap at Mussel Bar in Bethesda and again in a bottle at Beck's in DC. I have heard it said that Lucifer uses it to tempt the damned. This ale is so eminently drinkable that, were it not for its coma-inducing 10.5% ABV, entire countries would favor it over water.

I think it smells a little bourbonesqe with some chocolate scents--what you wished the nape of the neck of your girlfriend smelled like. The alcohol smell is very subtle but resides in the tail of the drink, but not nearly as much as one would expect due to the alcohol content.

Once in your mouth, the flavor moves from brown sugar and dark fruit to that chocolate resident in the aroma. There are hints of vanilla, oak, apricot, plum and a little port. There is a little bite from the hops to round out the whole mess.

Pick number two:  Aventinus Weizen Eisbock (Forget the impossible name) - I am told that an Eisbock stands for "lager that will kick your ass" but don't quote me. This is a very nice dark hazy brown beer with a pretty hefty punch, at over 10.5% alcohol. Pouring this is a joy, like chocolate milk for big boys, in fact as I was pouring it my first impulse was to dip a cookie in the glass.

It pours rich and thick with a creamy head. It has as sweet and spicy nose, and with that German banana-nut-bread and cloves pinch. There is a chocolaty under tone somewhere under the spices. Good beer reminds of good girls - and this one has a distinct intoxicating feel in your hand that makes you not want to put her down.

This beer drinks incredibly well and goes with any bar fare. The taste has a short tail, where you can really feel the alcohol dryness at the end.

Pick number three:  Westmalle Trappist (Dubbel) - I stubbled on to this one some time ago and it remains one of the best bar hook-ups I have had. I am generally not a fan of the Dubbel style beer, but this one is a real keeper. As soon as you pop the cap, the smell is right there - apricots, brown sugar and a hint of tobaccos.  I like the color purple on ladies and this one wears it well, it is the shade of dark purple eye shadow of a girl I know.

Although not as sweet as I remember Dubbels, this one still maintains that syrup under and over tones. There is a base note of yeast and barley combined with well brewed espresso.  I like beers poured in the glasses for which they were intended.  The glass designed for this one is a strong goblet. It is a sexy and sipable beer that will likely cause you to crave a smoke when you are done with your encounter.

Pick number four:  Oud Beersel Gueuze (Sour) - Okay, over the years my beer palate has grown and my affinity for a gueuze is a fine example. If you haven't had a gueuze you may need to sample a few before you agree or disagree with my choice. I gueuze is to beer what a cougar is to females, until you try it, you won't understand what the crazy is all about.

The Oud Beersel is like a Champagne of beers, it pours blond and bubbly and has a gentle bite. The bottle comes corked like a bottle of wine and as soon as you pop it, the smell of funk and green apples explodes. This beer actually opens up, I think because the smell needs to atenuate and the bubbles need to settle. After a minute, the fruitiness and crispness is apparent from the nose to the stomach.

Tart and sour, the golden brew gives way to some of the crispest and best palate cleansing available in a beer. It has a little more acidity and a lot less hop then the typical beer. I find one bottle to be enough and it isn't the most drinkable beer, but it's ability leverage taste and refresh is really unsurpassed.

Pick number five:  Kasteel Rouge - If they made anything called a desert beer, this one is the winner. I like the bit and hoppiness of a beer, I mean I think that is what beer means. However, the diverse range of today's beers makes exploring a treat and this beer is worth going off the standard brew list.

This beer pours hazy and cloudy reddish brown color with a small foamy off white head with fair retention that rescues to a thin lacing cap. It blows strong aroma that includes cherries and spices.  Absent from this beer is the typical bitterness in its slightly syrupy feel. It drinks very smooth for the alcohol level, but is still sips well due to big flavor and sweetness. No alcohol noticed other than a warming after the finish.

Georgetown Muncheez...Late Night Lovin' It!

2011-09-02T05:03:00.000-07:00

We all know that this is a bedroom town, any interested after midnight is either likely to get you arrested or on a replay of C-SPAN. Alias, we often find ourselves looking for a snack after 1:00 a.m. before we head back to our C-SPAN reruns. Some of the need is just to put a little more carbons on the liquid carbs we over drank, sometimes it is just you are g#d*m@ hungry after dancing your ass off.

I have searched high and low in this town and found very few really enjoyable late night options. While U Street still has some great spots - Ben's, Toki, etc. - I prefer not to travel, or stumble, far from where I got my drink on.

On the nights I find myself in Georgetown...pause on moment here...for the record, I am not surfing for Co-Eds in Georgetown, there are great spots even for an aging sport like me - such as L2, Neyla's, Cafe Milano, and many others, so save your judgement...there is only one spot of late-night fare...Muncheez!

I know the name doesn't inspire really good food, it is a cross between Jeff Spicoli and Chuckie Cheese, but the food is really outstanding. With a little middle-eastern flare, there are mainly pita style wraps with such things as labne cheese, four cheese, grilled chicken and even hot dogs. My personal favorites are the grilled chicken and the four cheese.

The pitas are served in two sizes, Saj - which is thin, and Pita which is a little thicker (that's what she said). There are also salads and pizzas, which are both really outstanding.

The place doesn't have much seating and it does have a walk-up window, which I don't think exists anywhere in Georgetown. The interior is really cool, with murals by a local artist and some great club-style music in the back ground.

I went there for the tenth time with a couple of friends before heading out to the bars a week ago. We sat in the back on some low cushioned chairs and ended up staying more than an hour, enjoying the music and the people watching.

Muncheez is still off the radar, which means it is a great place to hit up for a quick bite and enjoy yourself. No more standing in line for an hour for a cupcake when I can get one of the greatest crepes prepared fresh to order!

Muncheez Mania - 1071 Wisconsin Ave, NW, Washington, DC

Stanley Cup Playoffs and DC...

2011-04-23T07:35:00.000-07:00

I am torn today. I will not miss seeing the Playoff Game today...either in person or at the best bar to watch the game. The problem is I have a tie on where is the best place TODAY to watch the Capitals advance. So I am recommending either/or, with an explanation.

I am shouting out (is that how the kids say it?) to the two best spots for a beer and watching the Caps bring one home for the hometown fans: Churchkey or Public Bar. I will explain:

1) Churchkey: The pluses, the best beer in Washington with a solid "foodie" friendly menu. Churchkey gets some of the finest beers that Washington has seen. If you are confused from drinking too much Shocktop or Stella, you can get a flight of beers and find one a new favorite. If you, try the DC Brau...DC's first beer in 55 years. What better way to celebrate the hometown favorite with a hometown brew.

The minuses, too few t.v.s, too few seating in front of a t.v. and the bar men are, well, men. So boys, I like a flirty bar maid to keep me entertained during the commercial breaks. Having said that, there are some cute, fun and engaging bar maids there...they just are running the length of the busy bar and conversation is limited. Understand, these people are professionals and know there beer, so my props anyway.

A note on this, the charm and lure of a great bar, even a busy one, is staff that can and are encouraged to engage with the lounge lizards. We sit there for the combination of beverage, food and conversation.

One more thing to Churchkey...get off your ass and get your website up and running. If you need some help try D*MN Good or Bravery Corporation.

2) Public: The pluses, Tony and his gang - including you Edwin, have created DC's most sophisticated sports bar...God bless them all. There are views of the game even sitting on the Jon. The place opened without food and no one seemed to care, although some people brought pizzas with them. The beers are tall, like three feet, and there is a reasonable selection of the staple beers. The bar maids are a plus, eye candy and some of them give great chat. Commercial breaks are better with chatty young "friends" that you don't have to buy for, although I have - as should you - buy the bartenders a round once and awhile.

The minuses, the food is so-so. The burgers are good and the fries are great, with some inconsistency. The wings are really good, but there are some pitfalls in the food and it lacks imagination. What they lack in Foodie appeal they make up for in specials, buckets of beers and wings. Another minor draw back is that sometimes the multiple floor layout and seating is difficult to navigate. Many times as our group grew from five to twenty-five people we had to move floors and jockey for positions.

All and all, I am really looking forward to this game! GO CAPS!

The Filipino Kiss...

2011-04-23T05:56:00.000-07:00

Maybe it was the Bar Maid. Maybe is was the drink. I really don't know, but fate and a kind lady helped me discover a drink that has made desert a think of the past.

So here is the story: this beautiful bar maid was tending to my dinning and drinking needs at Jaleo. She was polite, pretty and exotic, dark hair and eyes and latte complexion. I asked, "what is your nationality?" She replies, "I'm seven-eighths Filipino" - a response that begs for a response. I, of course, couldn't resist and replied, "What comprises the other one-eighth?" Her reply, "Guess and if you can't, you have to try a Filipino Kiss." I'm such a sucker because I didn't know a Filipino Kiss is a $12 cocktail.

As it turns out, a Filipino Kiss (by the way, it is NOT Philipino Kiss - trust me), is a sweet and slightly disarming cocktail - much like my bar maid. Mixed properly, it is an outstanding drink served up. You may be judged for the look - you sissy boy - but it is a great drink to order with a cocktail drinking date. Here is the recipe:

1 part Belvedere Vodka

1 part Baileys Irish Cream

1 part Midori Melon Liqueur

2 parts Lemonade

A dash of egg whites

This drink should be shaken well and served up in a short glass or Martini glass. Cheers!

Please, Take Care of Yourself...

2011-04-23T05:29:00.000-07:00

Living well sometimes means living hard, and I don't always me from a partying perspective. Spending time on the beach in the sun (God bless St. Lucia), being out in the elements and just the goddamn loss of collagen in your skin makes skin maintenance a non-negotiable.

Another fact, well I know my most attractive-while-clothed physical features are my charming personality and razor wit, It is important to looking good under those bar lights for the ladies. Some, direct from the pages of my volume of grooming notes, here are a few of my thoughts:

1) Don't fool yourself, no matter how young or well groomed, women make fun of you on Match.com if you include a picture with your shirt off. If you get past third base, she isn't going to care if you don't look like Usher. Go to the gym regularly for your heart, but have confidence simply because you take care of yourself and being fit will overall help your appearance.

2) Groom often, it's like that lawn you always wanted, it is a constant project. Commit to it for life. Washing, trimming, shaving and moisturizing are daily activities. Weekly activities include exfoliating, whitening and - optional - waxing.

3) Clean is important and soaps matter, face soaps and body soaps are incompatible for their objectives. Face scrubs will keep you from looking like an actual lizard, looking like a lounge lizard is still okay. Good body soaps are available at Keihls.com and Sephora.com (Anthony makes a good body soap). Good face soaps are available at Clinique counters or at Sephora.com.

4) If you shave, upstairs or down - it's really none of my business - but use a good product. I use The Art of Shaving Oil and Cream. The Art of Shaving has some great creams and oils in subtle scents that layer well with cologne. Use small amounts and lather with a drop or two of water. If you are afraid to ask for it, they sell it directly on their website or at Sephora.com. Also, change your blades regularly. I find rust on my teenagers blades and freak out.

5) Nose hair is God's joke and a natural repellent to even wild animals. You will figure out your own system, but it is gross if it hangs out of the orifice. By the way, as tempting as it is, don't hold a match up there to burn it out - no joke I had a friend do that once and the result was really funny but bad.

6) Moisturize appropriately for the appropriate areas. Eyes, forehead, feet and elbows are all different. Buy well, it is worth it: Good eye cream: Strivectin. Good face cream: Roth and Caudalie. All are available at Sephora.com.

7) Use natural products when available, especially antiperspirant. Natural antiperspirant will not yellow your shirts. Natural Fresh makes a nice "salt stick" that you wet before you apply, if you are afraid to ask, go to CVS.com.

8) Use sunblock and stay out of the sun. That sexy tan is only turning you into leather and a chemo patient. Use sunblock over your face cream, 15 SPF or better, I use 30 SPF because I am better then most of you.

Good grooming doesn't make you girly man or metro-sexual, it makes you smart. Go now, and look younger.

Sunday Dim Sum...

2011-04-17T11:28:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things to do on a Sunday afternoon is dine on dim sum. Washington doesn't have the greatest selection of dim sum, but I have found a few of my favorites. In the order of my favorites:

1) New Fortune, Rockville, MD: This is as close to the real deal in dim sum as I have seen in DC. The place is a football field of cheap round and square tables that on Saturday nights often hosts a really bad band playing covers of really bad music. The dim sum, however, is delightful. There are a dozen or so dim sum carts being pushed around with scores of varieties of authentic dim sum: dumplings; shrimp in a dozen forms; BBQ pork; duck and the list goes on. The service is very pushy and that gives the overall experience something worth doing.

2) Cafe Atlantico, Washington, DC: Okay, this isn't really dim sum but they call it Nuevo Latin Dim Sum and it is fantastic! Most of the dishes were created at the Mini Bar, a personal favorite, so there is everything from empanadas to creamed potatoes. One of the best parts of the Cafe experience is the service and the amazing drinks.

3) Ping Pong, Washington, DC: This is really a no brainer, Ping Pong has great dim sum all week long so going here on Sunday isn't anything special. Having said that, when I think of dim sum, Ping Pong is high on the list. The sake selection is great too.

Washington's Best Burgers...

2011-04-17T07:22:00.000-07:00

There are times of the day when sitting in a lounge is ill advised - between the hours of 3 a.m. and 6 p.m., for starters. I also don't recommend any of the major Christian holidays - Christmas Day, Easter Sunday or Mother's Day (I know, it's a Hallmark holiday but your Christian mother thinks Jesus invented it).

During those non-peak lounge hours, you have to eat. I occasionally enjoy a burger and the burger boom is on. So here is my guide to the best burgers in Washington, listed in order of their rating, according to my 100 point proprietary scale using multi-regression analytics and my iPad:

#1: The Burger at the Quill Bar at the Jefferson Hotel: The perfect burger in the perfect setting. The meat is excellent and always cooked to the requested temperature. The cheeses are outstanding and real. The presentation is perfect, including the house-made ketchup. Fries, which are in my opinion part of the burger experience, not a side order, are superb. This burger does get bonus points for being at the Jefferson - which has perfect scores for service and ambiance.

#2: Morton's Prime Burger at Morton's: I really don't like Morton's but my props to the second place, silver-medal winning burger there. The reason I don't like Morton's is that I think the chain struggles to maintain its freshness as a steakhouse. That aside, the burger is, as you would expect, great beef. They do get the temperature correct at order and variety of toppings is very good. Once I asked for crab on top and they didn't blink - after charging me $15 extra. There was a point deduction for the fries and the atmosphere is designed for something other then a burger.

#3: Black's Burger at Black's Bar and Grill: Okay, I throw one out to Bethesda now with the Burger at Black's Bar. Typically a lunch call, the burger also makes its appearance on the happy hour menu and it is excellent. They don't always get the temperature correct - play it safe and order medium and you will likely get medium-well - but the beef is good and the presentation is great. The staff gets extra points in the bar area. The fries are also good, but sometimes inconsistent in firmness. I don't like over done fries and sometimes these come out too crunchy or worse, cold.

#4: The Prime Rib Burger: Never mind the middle-aged prostitutes at the bar - at least that is what I think they are - the burger here is very good. The beef is prime and the temperature is correct, always. The fries are nothing special - I see the same ones at any sports bar. As far as the atmosphere, think 1980's and the original movie Wall Street. Also, be prepared to sit among some the aged power brokers of Washington - no fresh talent here to look at.

#5: The Burger Joint (BGR): The only quick service - hardly quick service - place on the list. My props to the creativity of this "joint" for making the list while getting a zero on ambiance. The food here is outstanding and that alone gives it high scores. The beef is good and the temperature is hit and miss, but these people make more then burgers. They have a burger, The Greek, that was featured on Bobby Flay's Throwdown and it won. Also, the sweet potato fries are the best fries on the list. I don't want to mention it, but I must, the Lobster Roll is also worth having - even if it is over priced.

There you have it! Enjoy your heart attack.

What to do on a rainy day...before the lounging hours...

2011-04-16T15:44:00.000-07:00

A lounge lizard gets his cues from the finest minds of imagination. Those velvet jackets, snake skin shoes, blue suede bucks and Dunhill lighter made their appearance in the cult classic movies. I even tried putting a Scarface hot tub in my living room once - that truly is a movie prop, I learned.

So on this day I revisit the best movies of my favorite brother directors: the Coens, Joel and Ethan. So here is my rainy day list of my favorite Coen movies and a note on my take away life lessons:

1) The Big Lebowski: It's influence on me: I no longer take baths for fear that someone will throw a ferrite in the tub with me. Honestly, I did try to make a White Russian with non-dairy creamer once - ill-advised. Terry cloth bathrobes are great blowing attire. Lastly, a rug can tie the simplest of rooms together.

2) Raising Arizona: It's influence: "Make sure you got your dip tet;" "You want to find an outlaw, hire an outlaw. You want to find a Dunkin' Donuts, call a cop;" Lastly, white shoes are really cool, but use a shoe horn to save the heel.

3) Fargo: It's influence: Wood chippers; Buicks; Arby's can be sexy: "Ah, hon, ya got Arby's all over me;" and lastly, You betcha, hon!

D.C.'s Perfect Shave...At the Barber and at Home...

2011-04-16T15:31:00.000-07:00

You know a man with my beautiful face enjoys the feel of a good shave. There is something decadent when you can comfortably lay back in a chair and a pair of skilled hands takes the time to shave your face to a perfect buttery smooth. If you haven't had a shave from a barber, book one now.

Up until a few years ago the only place in Washington to get a great shave was when you could find a call girl with "shaving" listed on the al a carte menu. I am a germaphobe so I didn't get one until after The Grooming Lounge came on the scene - located on L between Connecticut and 18th Streets.

During what I refer to as the Revival of Shaving in the last decade, many at-home products improved and became available. The Grooming Lounge sells a pretty decent private label brand of shaving products, although I wouldn't call them value products - they are pricey for the size and quality of the product.

I am now calling it for the best at-home products for shaving and the best shave in Washington. The Art of Shaving makes both the best product for home use and gives the best shave in Washington. Granted, the barber shave is a luxury, but one worth having before that special date, interview or as a divorce celebration...yes, Uncle Tony is single, sort of.

When you go to the Art of Shaving, there are two locations - Union Station and Washington Square - opt for the Royal Shave. It runs about $70 with a tip. For the seventy frog skins you get a pre-treatment, oil massage, brush cream, straight razor and a little post shave pampering. It is an awesome 30 minutes and you feel like you do when you look out over a freshly mowed law, minus the stinky shirt and grass stained sneakers (or velvet slippers in my case).

For home use, get the Art of Shaving set, containing pre-shave oil, cream and brush. There are better after shave balms on the market so skip those sold at The Art of Shaving. I prefer an after shave balm called "The Cool Fix" by Anthony for post shaving. The Cool Fix is available online or at Sephora. A comment on the cream: the cream is meant for a brush, if you don't like using a brush, and frankly I don't, buy the travel cream because it is creamed for no brush. If you get the can of cream without the brush, just add a dab of water to the cream when you dip it out and lather it in your hands.

As far as razors, I would advise you on a razor only after we are married...seriously razors are too personal a decision for advice. Double blades are always easier on your skin, but some faces really need a straight razor while others are better with a single blade or a once-a-day disposable.

How to Judge a Girl by Her Wine...

2011-04-15T15:11:00.000-07:00

My affinity for alcohol probably didn't follow the path of most social drinkers, I have never ordered a rail drink, drank straight from any bottle (except a beer bottle) and I have never drank anything from a box, plastic bottle, red plastic cup or a Gatorade bottle filled with vodka. I took up drinking for the social lubrication while always trying to stay on the high road.

Fourth grade math has always been my guide to drinking, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. The higher the alcohol content, the straighter the line to feeling good. As such, I have had very little time or patience for wine, beer and coolers of any sort. Four percent? Pffft! I am better off drinking cough syrup.

This finally brings me to the point of this post, wine is a drink of conspicuous consumption and gentleness. A lady that orders her first drink of the night as a double vodka on the rocks may be right up my alley, but she probably isn't a lady either. So I have learned to listen to what the lady orders when she orders wine and what this reveals about her subconscious and her mastery of fourth grade math.

Keep in mind, I am not looking to get a girl drunk but I have nothing against what she does for herself. I have discovered I tend to have more fun with the "social climbers" of the wine world, the drinkers of heavy wines (alcohol content higher then 14%). The cues are easy to spot: Shiraz, Malbec, Barolos and Ports. If she likes ice wine, it's a bonus round, with 25% alcohol and with a candy-like consistency, she is probably a dessert herself.

A word about what to avoid...avoid women who only drink beverages out of a flute! It isn't just a cliche, but women with champagne tastes also are consuming alcohol like wine cooler. Speaking of wine coolers, avoid women over 24 and any man who drinks a wine cooler, and that goes for Mike's Hard Lemonade. Taking a lover like that will only lead to E.D.

You do know you are being judged by your drink...

2011-04-15T12:05:00.000-07:00

I have had this discussion on many occasions. People judge you. Some people judge you by your shoes, your hair, the color of your jeans and your watch. Frankly, I think the only indicator of class is if you still own a pair of jean shorts, if you do, you need to be judged.

However, at a bar, I don't think we are aware at the judgement that is being passed with every drink order. Most mixed drinks are sending mixed signals to those around you. Here are a couple of things people have said to me over the years:

"If you are ordering a Long Island Ice Tea, you have no class or imagination."
"That pink drink makes me suspicious."
"If you order Scotch on the rocks you are a drunk."
"Margaritas outside of Mexican restaurants show no imagination."

I, for one, think that you should drink what you like - responsibly - and ignore what the other person is drinking. Having said that, I have some judgments of my own to pass down. I do think you can tell something about a woman by what she orders, more to come on that subject. So here are my judgments:

Bartenders: "If you don't know who to make a drink, just say so and deliver what you do. I ordered a mixed drink at an Irish bar and basically got a 12 ounce glass of Tequila with a lime. It made of a good joke among friends but it was terrible."
Ladies: "If you keep judging me by my drinks, I am going to comment on your bad taste in perfume and shoes. Trust me, I know a good pair of shoes because I buy good pairs of shoes...Payless...pfft!"
Gentlemen: "Don't be afraid to order something you like, forget your buddies. Also, explore...if you order one more Stella I am going to tell everyone how hairy your back really is."
All: "Show some appreciation for a good drink, budget to tip well when you are drinking well. It is simply a sign of class and good manners."

Cheers!

Revisit the Sidecar...

2011-04-12T08:51:00.000-07:00

I am sure it is the masculine crush of my beefy hands that make holding any type of stemware uncomfortable, but it is unavoidable if you want to drink some of the best cocktails "up." The martini glass is perfectly designed for presentation and keeping the beverage (a loosely used term) cool after being properly shaken cold.

One of my favorite "up" drinks is the Sidecar. Born in the age of Prohibition, this drink is suave and delicious. The art of making the Sidecar I think has been lost but is making a come back, at least here in Washington.

I recently found my favorite version of the Sidecar here in DC, at Zaytinya. The drink is on the menu as a Greek Sidecar and it is outstanding. As a gentleman, I never drink more then my fill of any alcoholic drink - meaning I keep track and take care to drink my limit to maintain my graceful and refined manners. I found myself unable to resist Zaytinya's version of the Sidecar and had six in one evening - both a testament to their mixology and my lack of self-control around beautiful women and well mixed drinks.

Do this, not That...

2011-04-12T07:45:00.000-07:00

I feel compelled to give you some advice based on my experience, a little "do this, not that."

If you are going to visit the W Hotel in DC, which I DO NOT recommend personally, take some advice from me, don't put up with pretentious bullshit from the staff of the Hotel. I have been there many times and I find the staff of the Hotel to be very unpleasant. Hey, this isn't New York!

Here are the "dos" for the W Hotel in DC. For the view, visit POV, if you must. Some of the most arrogant staff at the W works upstairs, so check out the view and take your party to the J&G downstairs. The view is the street, but the service, drinks and food are much better.

I took a group of "rollers" to the W for dinner and drinks and became totally frustrated by the Hotel staff's treatment that we left POV within 30 minutes. By luck we ended up stopping in at the J&G in the basement bar (actually on street level) and had a great time with great food. We our service was provided by Jean Gorges' daughter! The J&G save the W experience.

So, DO skip POV and brush off the nasty W staff and DON'T miss J&G and the Steakhouse.

Stop Hating the Long Island Ice Tea...

2011-04-12T06:51:00.000-07:00

So in my travels from bar stool to bar stool - no jokes about helping me push in my bar stool, please - I have learned that when you order a L.I., you are being judged. Most bartenders, females mainly, consider it a "rookie's" drink and you will be looked down upon. Frankly, I don't understand just judgement.

Like any well-made drink, a L.I. can be delicious! I especially enjoy a well-made L.I. on a Summer afternoon on the deck of my favorite hotel pool (Donovan House, thank you).

The key is to order well to avoid being labeled reckless frat boy. When I surveyed the bartenders - mostly of the female type - they all agreed, order "top shelf" and you won't get immediately judged. Also, know what tastes good and order specifically to your tastes.

My favorite recipe is made this way:

1 jigger Ciroc vodka

1 jigger Tanqueray 10 gin

1 jigger Bacarddi rum

1 jigger triple sec liqueur

1 teaspoon Patron Silver tequila

2 teaspoons orange juice

2 fluid ounces Coca-Cola

1 wedge lemon

1 wedge orange

FYI, a jigger is 1.5 ounces of liquor. Also, "top shelf" is your choice, I put my favorite use your own. Cheers!

Cracked Crabs, Anyone?

2011-04-02T16:26:00.000-07:00

I know it's Spring for two reasons, I keep being attacked by Girl Scouts selling cookies at every shopping mall and grocery store and the fact that I am dying to crack some crabs. Yes, even the Lounge Lizards feel the need to leave the velvet jacket in the closet and get elbow deep in some Old Bay as the weather gets better.

So, it is time I shared my thoughts on where the best places in DC are to feed the need for iodine and small cuts on your hands covered in salty seasoning. If you are grabbing a bushel to take home, because you love to clean up chips of crab shell and you adore the smell of boiled crabs, the Waterfront on H Street still has crabs at the market. It is old school and I still like the memories of having done that for years. However, do not expect to find a great selection or price down there. For the best selection and price for a bushel of crabs, hit up one of the Cameron's Seafood locations. I would call ahead, but I have never gotten a bad bushel from Cameron's.

Enjoying the finer things in life, as I do, I prefer to eat my crabs out - okay laugh, it was meant to sound dirty. There really is only one place worth cracking crabs in DC: The Dancing Crab, the quality is always good and the price is reasonable for dining out. In Bethesda, I like Steamer's, eating outside just feels like it should but the quality isn't always reliable. In Virginia I like Quarterdeck in Arlington, again great quality.

By the way, Old Bay comes out of velvet with baby wipes, but it takes away from the crush of the fabric, just leave the jacket at home.

Beer bouts...What do real drinkers drink?

2011-03-31T09:48:00.000-07:00

I have been reading this March Madness Beer-off in the Post. I am not really a beer drinker, it isn't really a Lounge Lizard drink, unless it has a shot glass sitting in the bottom.

I noticed the panel is a bunch of fancy tastebuds - brewers, sommelier, etc. Beer is a common man's drink, like water from a garden hose. Don't get me wrong, anything well crafted, especially water from a good hose. So I am curious, what do us commoners really think about which beer they like and why?

Comment if you please, but here are my thoughts:

1) I like Guiness Stout - it is bitter and a little briny and drinks like a shake. When it is poured long, I love the feel in my mouth and the quench it gives with bar food. The smell is great, the head is thick and looks like milk chocolate.

2) Blue Moon - I know, a sissy beer, but I like the fact that it is so easy to drink. I pitcher duringn an afternoon of football games is not a problem. I once challenged a lady friend of mine to a wing eating contest during the Sunday games. We each downed a pitcher and a half of Blue Moon and it didn't interfer with my wing consumption.

3) Dreadnaught IPA - I like IPA because it too is easy to drink. It has a great orange color and citrus and pine smell. This one starts out crisp but has a nice dry and bitter aftertaste.

4) Darkness - This one is one of my favorites, although not easy to find. It is black and has a kind-of coffee thing going on. It is basically a meal and can be eaten with a spoon. I need a glass of water to drink more then a pint.

Check out the Post's article here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/food/beer-madness-round-3-choosing-the-elite-8/2011/03/23/AF2Oo7uB_story.html

Drag Queens...Part Two

2011-03-28T14:27:00.000-07:00

I have been asked from time-to-time about oddities in D.C., you know, places to go that "aren't like" D.C. We here in D.C. are a bedroom community, ask Elliott Spitzer. One of the most engaging aspects of this City is our diversity. We have cultures and walks of life of every kind.
One of the most influential forces in D.C. is the gay community, including the Drag Queen community. The best reoccurring drag queen events in D.C., in order of the most "respectable" to the most "risque" are:

1) Perry's Sunday Drag Brunch - The food and drinks are excellent. The Drag Queens are fun and engaging. The crowd really is mixed, old folks and young. There is an occasional pastie in the crowd. My teenage son asked where they put "it" - to which I have no comment.

2) Nellie's Tuesday Night Drag Bingo - The food is bar fare and the drinks are a value. The Drag Queens run from "fabulous" to "run down" but always entertaining. The crowd is mostly gay and definitely adult. I did not take my teenagers - so Social Services does not need to make a visit to my house. Nellie's has incorporated their drag themes into other nights/activities, they recently hosted a Hot Dog Eating Contest hosted by Drag Queens - so cute!

3) Town Nightclub Friday and Saturday - There is no food and drinks are totally required - especially if you are a straight guy trying to make it to the midnight show. The Drag Queens are the "interesting" to "that has to be a woman" and over the top. The crowd is gay and it is a "club" so brace yourself. One tip, if you are straight, it is a place where your date will have a great time and not get rushed by other dudes.

Side note: If you aren't ready for the staged Drag Show, wait until the High Heel race the week before Halloween on 17th Street.

Just because you are old doesn't mean you have to look it...

2011-03-28T07:27:00.000-07:00

I little off the subject, but important to looking good under those bar lights for the ladies, I have a few notes on grooming. Taken from the pages of rejections I've collected over the years here are my top grooming tips:

1) Don't fool yourself, no matter how young or well groomed, women make fun of you on Match.com if you include a picture with your shirt off. If you get past third base, she isn't going to care if you don't look like Usher.

2) Groom often, it's like that lawn you always wanted, it is a constant project.

3) Clean is important and soaps matter, face soaps and body soaps are incompatible for their objectives. Face scrubs will keep you from looking like an actual lizard, looking like a lounge lizard is still okay. Good body soaps are available at Keihls.com and Sephora.com (Anthony makes a good body soap). Good face soaps are available at Clinique counters or at Sephora.com.

4) If you shave, upstairs or down - it's really none of my business - use a good product. I use The Art of Shaving Oil and Cream. If you are afraid to ask for it, Sephora.com has it. Also, change your blades regularly. I find rust on my teenagers blades and freak out.

5) Nose hair is God's joke and a natural repellent to even wild animals. You will figure out your own system, but it is gross if it hangs out of the orifice.

6) Moisturize appropriately for the appropriate areas. Eyes, forehead, feet and elbows are all different. Good eye cream: Strivectin. Good face cream: Roth and Caudalie. All are available at Sephora.com.

7) Use natural products when available, especially antiperspirant. Natural antiperspirant will not yellow your shirts. Again, if you are afraid to ask, go to CVS.com.

8) Use sunblock and stay out of the sun. That sex tan is only turning you into leather and a chemo patient.

My metro-sexual post is now over...

My favorite Roach Coaches...

2011-03-28T06:49:00.000-07:00

I know it isn't politically correct..whateva..but I love our DC Roach Coaches (Food Trucks by today's terms). I can't wait to see one parked outside my office downtown and skip the fancy stuff for some tasty truck food.

Thanks to Chinatown Coffee Co. you can have the same stuff for dinner too (see Quick Feeding: Food Truck Partnerships, Gold Leaf Overload, and BGR Expansion http://t.co/wAv7EUl via @wcp)

My personal favorites, and their twitter names, are:

1) Sweetflow Mobile (sweetflowmobile): Tangy frozen yogurt and tasty wraps - the healthiest of the bunch.
2) Red Hook Lobster (LobstertruckDC): Warm lobster rolls and creamy chowders - am in New England, I thinks yes!
3) Fry Captain (FryCaptian): Duck fat fries with truffle ketchup, OMG!
4) DC Slices (dcslices): Big, fresh NY style pizza.
5) DC Empanadas (DCEmpanandas): Picadillo, the traditional style, is my favorite.
6) CapMac (capmacdc): Mac the way it was intended to be served, in a box!

What makes DC a great Foodie town is its home-grown restaurants...

2011-03-28T06:07:00.000-07:00

Listen, I have been creeping all over this town since the 80's. What has made this town exciting and livable are the home-grown restaurants, bars and lounges. I'm not hating on the carpetbaggers - Puck, JG, Ripert, etc - you guys have talent, but our homegrown artists - Ashok Bajaj, Jose Andres and Rob Wilder, Paul Cohn and Bechara Nammour, David Wisenberg, Gus DiMilo, Jeff Tunks, Jeff Black, Kaz, Michel Richard, etc. - these are the people that made this town great to live in.

My favorite restaurants are: Mini-Bar, Kaz Sushi Bistro, DC Coast, Jaleo, Rasika, Black Salt, Bibiana, Zaytinya, Teatro and Georgia Brown. The list is about 40 restaurants long and only 5 of them are from carpet-baggers.

My concern is that these restaurateurs keep the home-grown feel. I have seen portions shrink to measure, I have seen bar stocks go to limited drinks (either you have a full bar or you don't) and I have seen a "corporate" mentality shrink the enjoyment of my time at some of the restaurants mentioned above. PLEASE, to the saviors of DC - the people mentioned above and dozens of others - stay lovable and home-grown!

Watching the BIG NCAA Games in DC...

2011-03-28T02:39:00.000-07:00

So, you want to watch the last five games somewhere besides your stinky couch while your friends spill beer on your carpet and eat your Funyuns. Grab some early wood (barstool, pervert) at these top five sports bars where the scene is great, the food is - bar food, but you can see the game from anywhere. These spots are guaranteed to make memories with good friends and tasty brew:

1. Public - multiple floors, excellent food and two locations (Golden Triangle and Tenley).
2. Nellie's - mislabeled the "gay sports" bar, lots of great energy and specials, plus U Street is a great scene.
3. Cleveland Park Bar - parking isn't so great, but this place is always packed, food is good and the pours are tall.
4. Redline - China's town's best sports bar because it isn't Clyde's, best part, reserve a table and pour your own beers - cute and friendly servers.
5. American Tap Room (Bethesda) - I didn't want to put a Bethesda place on the list, but they have great food, a billion t.v's and a good selection of beers - not the crowd you will get at Public or Cleveland Park or Nellie's, but you will see the game and eat well.
Runner Up: Caddies on Cordell - During ACC games this place is packed, make your own Bloody Mary's is a switch up from beer and it is a "dirty bar" that makes every game seem a little more real.