January 2009 – Recent correspondence from the Guardian on drug classification:
read Simon Jenkins’ comments here:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/jan/07/ecstasy-drugs-policy
and response by Professor Neil McKegany:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/jan/13/drug-classification-ecstasy-jacqui-smith

August 2008
Talking About Cannabis is now a registered charity. We received our registration number on August 1st, and we’re now looking forward to being able to provide continued support for anyone whose lives have been affected by cannabis abuse. Our first project is to provide a 24/7 Cannabis Support Line – for which we are looking for volunteers to train with us, do get in touch if you think you may be interested. We are also writing educational packages for schools with a strong prevention message, to ensure children learn the truth about cannabis from an early age and therefore are supported to say ‘no’ to cannabis and all illegal drugs.

July 15 2008
Press release:
PARENTS’ ACTION GROUP ANNOUNCES PLANS TO SET UP 24/7 SUPPORT LINE FOR FAMILIES AFFECTED BY CHILDREN’S DRUG ABUSE.
Click to read the press release

July 2008
The Daily Mail ran an article on 3 July titled “Why ’skunk’ smokers are 18 TIMES more likely to become psychotic than other cannabis users” written by Fiona Macrae Click HERE to read the article

May 2008 – we are delighted that the Home Secretary Jaqui Smith announced that cannabis will be returned to Class B status, which will help send out the message that down-classification was a mistake and that using cannabis in childhood and teens years is highly dangerous to health.

·         The Talking About Cannabis Parental Action Group intends to continue making sure that the truth is told about cannabis: to disseminate the scientific and medical facts about this drug and its potentially damaging effects on the young. Our work is now about delivering this information to the public and providing preventative cannabis education in schools. We are now Secretariat for the All Party Parliamentary Group on Cannabis and Children, which meets four times a year in the House of Commons.  The Chair is Graham Brady MP, and there are three vice chairmen from the three main political parties – cannabis and children is an issue that is uniting politicians.

·         The TAC  Family Support Line, a 24 hour telephone line run by parents for parents, or any family member, who needs support in coping with the effects of cannabis use on their family. WE ARE LOOKING FOR VOLUNTEERS FOR THIS PROJECT, IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO GET INVOLVED PLEASE CONTACT US. WE’RE ALSO LOOKING FOR FUND-RAISERS.

I’d like to take this opportunity to personally thank everyone who has supported us in our attempts to raise awareness over the past few months: parents, politicians, teachers, drugs charities and the press. Every day I get a mail from a parent who is struggling with a child using cannabis. Thanks to everyone who has written to us, and especially those of you who have shared your stories with us and allowed us to publish them on our web-site.
We now have charitable status, but are still run by volunteers, so as yet have no funding. If you would like to make a donation, however small, we’d be grateful to receive it! You can send your cheque made payable to
TALKING ABOUT CANNABIS to
32-36 Loman Street, London, SE1 0EH

Thanks so much to everyone who has sent us a donation.

June 2008
Are you worried your child may be using cannabis? Get the facts, Click here for ‘Is my child using cannabis?’

May 2008
Will gives interview to The Observer newspaper 4 May 2008 – click here to read his updated view on cannabis

April 2008
New page – ‘Events and Media’ where you will find details of upcoming events organised by TAC and, coming soon, video clips of TAC in the news

March 2008
Talking About Cannabis has been accepted as a member of Europe Against Drugs (EURAD) and Debra Bell has been asked to join the Eurad Board.

Debra Bell gave evidence to the ACMD Review of Cannabis on Tuesday 5 Feb
Click to read the presentation and the PowerPoint

January 2008

TAC are going to be secretariat to a new All-Party Political Group which is being set up imminently in
Westminster to focus specifically on Cannabis and Children. The aim is to stimulate debate on prevention cannabis education with an aim of abstinence among children and teenagers. More news when we have it.

October 2007

Talking About Cannabis Parental Action Group held a Briefing: ‘Cannabis and Children – complacency is not an option’ in the House of Commons on Tuesday 30 October 2007. It was chaired by Edward Garnier QC MP and the speakers included Professor Robin Murray. Transcripts and speakers’ PowerPoint presentations can be downloaded using the links below:

• Cannabis And Children – Introduction by Debra Bell
• Debra Bell’s PowerPoint presentation
• Mary Brett’s speech on drug education
• Transcript of speech by Edward Garnier QC MP, Shadow Minister for Justice
• Professor Robin Murray’s Presentation – “Cannabis and its Users”
• Peter Walker’s Presentation – “Cannabis and Young People”
• Dr Hans-Christian Raabe’s Presentation – “Drug Policy Sweden V Holland”
• Dr Ian Oliver’s PowerPoint presentation
• Alex – A Brother’s View

March 2007

At the end of last year I was invited to tea at the House of Lords to meet Baroness Anelay and Lord Howe, to talk about the web-site and the work I was doing to help other families that may be suffering as a result of cannabis misuse. I was particularly interested in their take on the reclassification of cannabis that had taken place in 2004 by the present government.

Baroness Anelay is the Conservative Home Affairs spokesperson, and Lord Howe is Health spokesperson. Never having voted Tory in my life, nor having met close up any live Tories before, I was really surprised by how absolutely charming both peers were, and how genuine they were in their concern over the impact drugs is having on families in the UK. Over Earl Grey and cream cakes in the House of Lords tea-room, I talked about my son, and how our all our lives had been turned upside down by something that at first we considered to be innocuous – cannabis smoking by our eldest son. The only tricky moment was when Baroness Anelay led me out of the room, putting her hand out to push what appeared to be a perfectly formed part of the wallpapered wall, to find that her hand went right through. I was a little alarmed at this, but happy to be able to go through the wall too, Harry Potter-like, to reach a corridor behind.

The Conservatives are in the process of re-defining their drugs policy. Baroness Anelay thought she may be able to use my story, without referring to our family by name, when talking about the problem of cannabis and its increased use among the young. She told me that the Tories will almost certainly reclassify cannabis back to being a ‘B’ class drug if they are elected to form the next Government. It looks likely, too, that this policy could form an important part of their manifesto. Lord Howe gave me the contact name of another mother who had set up an action campaign after her son had become an addict.

 Baroness Anelay also passed me a report that had been written by Humfrey Malins MP, which was later published by the Bow Group in January this year, entitled ‘Crackpot’. I was invited to meet Mr Malins in his office at Westminster in the first week of December. He spent eight years as Front Bench opposition shadow Home Office Minister, and is a judge in the criminal courts. He is also one of the nicest people I have ever met. After listening to my story, Mr Malins talked to me about a recent trip to Sweden where he was told by their Drugs Minister that ‘A society should be judged on the basis of its ability to take care of its most vulnerable citizens’.

He went on to say that among Britain’s most vulnerable are those many thousands – some very young – who are addicted to drugs, and whose lives lie in tatters. Virtually all addicts turn to crime to fund their habit. When writing his report Mr Malins drew on his experience of sitting as a judge in the criminal courts and having to deal with drug-addicted criminals day after day. He believes that:

·        Much of current and recent court sentencing practice is completely ineffective in dealing with the drug addict criminal.

·        Treatment- based punishment is more often than not the best way to deal with offenders.

·        There is a scandalous lack of provision of one of the most useful and successful sentencing options – a residential drug rehabilitation bed. Only by increasing this provision will sense and decency be brought into sentencing and help to reduce drug-related crime.

Mr Malins’ report includes a lot of detail about cannabis abuse.

‘Cannabis is a drug with mind-altering properties. It influences thoughts, emotions, and affects almost every part of the brain. It is the most widely used illicit drug in the world today. The most important mind-altering component of the cannabis plant is Delta-9-Tetrahydrocanabinol (THC). Studies have confirmed that most of the cannabis of today contains higher concentrations than cannabis of twenty or thirty years ago. In the early sixties, the average amount of THC…was 5% or lower, but today particularly potent versions of the drug can contain up to 20% of THC. We are not dealing with the same drug, and in the UK cannabis is not considered dangerous by sufficient numbers of people. In Sweden 45% perceive cannabis to be very dangerous, here in the UK only 17% do. ……the more people regard cannabis as relatively harmless the more likely they are to take it. Cannabis is a gateway drug – something confirmed by the vast majority of the judiciary with whom I talk.

Cannabis (particularly modern strong forms) …is very dangerous, and everyone, especially young people, needs to know this fact.  The courts must intervene early – a community order, with a requirement to attend in one’s spare time a short but intensive ‘dangers of cannabis’ course, with group sessions and help from drug workers, with an option of 2 weeks imprisonment if one does not consent to this…seems to me the best approach.

A zero tolerance approach is important and I suggest that a rapid transfer of the drug back to a Class B is an important step…..it would send the right message. The use of cannabis for medicinal purposes (for example to help sufferers from Multiple Sclerosis) is something of which I greatly approve.’ (my bold type).

I am delighted that the Conservatives are almost certainly going to make it part of their election manifesto that they will reclassify cannabis, to return it to a Class B drug.

‘Talking about Cannabis’, though, hopes not only to see a reclassification of the drug, but also aims to raise awareness of just how harmful the new forms of cannabis (skunk) can be, that the stuff on the market now is not what was being smoked in the 60s, and that for the young it can lead to serious mental illness.  What we should like to see is a Government health education campaign concerning the dangers of cannabis, like the one that was launched in France – so far we have not had this and this is sorely needed. At the time of reclassification Charles Clarke promised that there would be ‘a massive health education campaign’. It’s been three years now, where is it?

This all sounds very familiar. My son stopped smoking weed four years ago at the age of 22. He stopped dead after a brush with the police. It was partly fear of going to prison and partly a realisation somewhere in his foggy mind that the drugs were damaging him. It has not been easy.

The first few weeks he was in a state of terrible agitation and had terrifying panic attacks. Fortunately we have a wonderful GP who gave him a weeks worth of sleeping pills so that he could get some rest. It was like having a baby again. He would cry and hate me to leave him alone. He hasn’t smoked any weed since (I really believe him)and now he doesn’t drink either but it has been terribly hard for him and he has had two minor break-downs since then with a recurrence of panic attacks.

The scary thing is that he is only now beginning to cope with what he has done and the huge hole he made in his own life.  We (his father and I) are trying to help him re-build from the bottom. He has to re-establish everything. His sense of who he is and who is family are. He is just discovering that we didn’t abandon him – he left us. He doesn’t always believe it. Every now and again he slithers back into that self- pitying state that you describe so well in which we are the villains and he is just misunderstood. But most of the time now he realises that we love him and that he has to find a way to live with himself and us.

He has to fight a sense of total despair that threatens to engulf him but at least now he is back with us emotionally and we can talk. It is such a relief to discover that the child I loved is still in there and reachable. I still don’t know why this happened to him. He had a lot of friends who also smoked but they all seemed to keep hold of reality and find a way of living their lives at the same time. They moved on while he got stuck somewhere in early adolescence. I have asked him what I could have done differently. He says I shouldn’t have given him money but I don’t think that would have helped. I thought he would do what your son did and turn to crime. I would rather pay for it than have him go to prison because I always felt that prison would kill him. Either way we can’t re-live those precious years – we can only try and help him move on and re-build.

Dear Debra.

I was touched by your story in yesterday’s Guardian. I have walked every step of your story myself & felt with gusto what you describe. I have 2 sons aged 21 & 20. My youngest is a quiet lad now just feeling his feet at university away from home. His teenage years were ripped apart by his brothers addiction to cannabis and then other drugs and alcohol. At a time when I thought I might be able to settle into a quiet life after a frantic and upsetting divorce I was presented with more than the teenage ‘post parent divorce’ problems I ever anticipated. 

My eldest son started to smoke cannabis I believe at about 15 but also started to drink. He blew our life apart. His behaviour was very much as you describe & his thoughts and feelings for others were completely stunted even to the point that when my sister moved in with us as her husband was dying he continued to monopolise our every move & thought (thought to be fair my sister never noticed thank goodness). He too was asked to liven up or leave & chose to leave (& yes I too thought this would make him think about his behaviour) & again his kindly loving elderly paternal grandmother took him in.

My ex husbands family have since treated me as something between a neglectful mother and an abusive ex daughter in law, though my mother in law has never been anything but wonderful.  He stayed for about a year before taking a very serious overdose. The psychiatrist who assessed him wanted to admit him to a psychiatric inpatient ward. I however persuaded her to let me take him home for two reasons, I wanted to be his mom again, I longed to ‘look after him’ & secondly I am a mental health nurse & did not want him to go into an area that is primarily unsympathetic to substance misusers. I may well have missed a chance there.  It took my son about 4 months to go back to his old ways & beyond. His scrapes are innumerable, the fear I felt for me & my other son immeasurable.

He became homeless again but because he had a sympathetic community psychiatric nurse we worked together to get him a housing association flat about 10 minutes walk from where I lived. I kitted him out & he was happy for about a fortnight after which I had to take our house keys off him (he is about 5′10 & I 4′10) & ban him from our house. We moved within 7 months not able to cope with the strain of him banging on the door, demanding, being abusive etc etc.  The last two years have been a nightmare. I understand from my work that being an ‘on site carer’ is as difficult as being one at a distance.

The move helped a little but it was not out of sight out of mind & coupled with the guilt I felt at leaving him behind (he told me I should feel guilty) I felt no better & could see him struggling. However he never wanted me to be his mom, just support his habits. Things spiralled & my health deteriorated. I am usually the life & soul of any social gathering & an ear for my chums to talk to. I became a wreck, clinically depressed & tried to take my own life a year ago tomorrow. I failed (& to add insult to injury the care at the hospital was enough to make me try & do it again only more successfully). 

There are never any ends to these stories but (crossing my own fingers) I will finish on a note of hope. I have innumerable tales to tell about how we managed this together & may do this another time but will leave on this. Last September my youngest son rang to tell me that his brother had turned up asking to stay. My stomach churned. The last time he stayed my younger son had to persuade him off a fourth floor balcony where he was threatening to jump & I did not want to put any of us in a similar position again. I went home to find a lad who was in a state of utter despair; I found a chink in a wall.

It appeared he had hit that rock bottom point my friends had reassured me that he would & asked me to help. Between all of us in our flat (including my partner) we established a contract & worked toward it. The hell we went through to get to my son’s desired goal is a story I plan to tell but in short against all of the odds & crap that you have to work toward to get public funding for detox & rehab we achieved it. It was not easy & nearly drove me mad but in December 2006 my lovely son was admitted to a residential rehab unit & is now in second stage treatment. He comes home on weekend leave for the first time next week & I am already experiencing a mixture of pride, joy but overriding fear. He is doing well but this does not stop me waking up in the middle of the night hoping this leave might be ‘postponed’.

He would be terribly upset if he knew that particularly as he is doing so very well, I feel ashamed. But this morning I opened the hand made Mothers Day card he sent-my first for years. Inside he writes ‘To my beautiful mother, I owe you everything for all your help & support & promise soon I will give back’.  There is as I say more to tell but please take hope. I now know that my son, even in his worst times knew I loved him but was driven by addiction, an addiction that is strong & I have learnt complicated beyond my comprehension. I hope this help somebody.

To William’s mother:

It seems to me that you and his father are the real problem. Your son is obviously intelligent and able to communicate coherently.  Have you ever thought about what he wants from life?  You seem to have very high expectations & to have mapped out your children’s future for them.  Why send him to one of the most expensive ‘crammer’ schools in the country when he’s clearly feeling under enough pressure?  Didn’t his decision to attend a state school tell you anything?  He obviously doesn’t share your views. It is quite normal for young people to question their parents’ values.  I thought some of your statements were actually very offensive – for example, the remark that parents from leafy suburbs care about their children and make sacrifices for them.  You are privileged.  Most people care about their children and make sacrifices for them, but what you’re able to provide for your child materially is not an indication of how much you love them. Your husband sounds like a nightmare – a complete snob who is prepared to totally reject his child if he doesn’t follow the path he mapped out for him. I’m not surprised your son persists in smoking cannabis.  He needs something to help him cope with the pressures you are clearly putting him under. Your accounts of him stealing to fund his habit don’t ring true.  Cannabis is not that expensive.  He’s probably just trying to shock you. The best thing your son can do is get as far away from you as possible and give up trying to get you to see things from his point of view.  Don’t be too complacent about your other sons either.

I read your article in the Guardian and I recognised a lot of it. My eldest son started smoking cannabis when he was 16 around the time that my husband and I split up. It was very distressing for my two sons because my husband started an affair with a family friend whose children were at the same school.

Robin has smoked cannabis regularly since then with all the attendant problems of stealing, lying, bringing home drug dealers, getting into debt with drug dealers etc. Somehow he managed to get two A levels average grades and after spending two years working at dead end jobs and smoking way too much cannabis he got into university. He managed to stick to the course and scraped through with a pass last summer. I thought perhaps he had really turned a corner but since then he has not worked although he pretended to me that he did have a job.

It’s now 10 months since he left University although he is still living in that town in a bed-sit my husband arranged and paid the deposit for. His father and I have supported him with some money but I have to assume that he is now a drug dealer because this is the only way he can be continuing his lifestyle. He came home for a weekend just before Christmas and asked me for £3000 to clear his drug debts otherwise he would be in great danger. I spoke to my husband and we both declined having paid off many debts before. We have hardly spoken since then, just exchanged a few brief text messages. The ‘great danger’ doesn’t seem to have materialised. I don’t know what to do now. If he doesn’t even text me today – mother’s day- I’ll know that our relationship is bad. I am afraid of him and afraid for him.

Thanks for giving me somewhere to write this.

What most people don’t realise is that the reason teenagers get so addicted is because they smoke it with tobacco. I’ve smoked cannabis for twenty years of my life out of which 15 with tobacco. It’s a totally different affair, you don’t crave it at all the same way if you leave tobacco out. I also dare say that it’s that combination that turns it nasty at times, but of course tobacco is legal so why investigate. Any medicine can become a poison if taken too much or in the wrong combination.

In Debra’s case I think her son is right: he’s reacting to them more than anything. It’s easy to maintain a dope habit financially, you buy an ounce and sell 7 eights and yours is free, that doesn’t turn anyone into a dealer most people do it like that, even teenagers. Money is obviously not a problem in your family, if you can check him into the priory, put him in private education. So why should he start stealing? It’s not the cannabis that makes him do it, it’s you I’m afraid. He wants you to feel what he can’t tell you. Have you ever listened to him? Properly? Shown interest in his inner world not just grades at school? His music? Have you ever tried cannabis (believe me I’m a mother of four it’s a beautiful healing buzz, most modern music was written on it) so you know where he wants to be? Grown a plant to know her? Have you ever tried to be with your son? Accepted him as he really is? Maybe he is a budding artist or musician and really doesn’t care for Math and A levels and things the rest of the world would kill for. Wake up, stop feeling the victim, stop blaming it on a plant. 

Question your beliefs and don’t forget Cannabis is illegal in a world where war or tobacco isn’t. Open your heart to your child and forgive yourself for not always understanding but pleaaase!!! Start communicating with him. Be flexible and show a willingness to change, the child is always the victim!!! See it as an opportunity to know him better and a real chance for personal growth!!!Practically speaking, get him off tobacco first of all, let him grow a plant so it’s not the forbidden fruit anymore and not related to money, bake a ganja cake for the whole family (grannies in pain do it) and have a good giggle a laugh together and take it from there…  Love Denise,(happily married, fit and healthy mother of four, artist, eats ganja nowadays – the way forward).

Greetings. 

I am a 20 year old and have smoked cannabis every day for about 4 or 5 years, while undoubtedly elements of your story are familiar to both me and some of my friends I feel a more understanding approach is necessary than that which you promote through your cannabis –the ‘facts’ section. ‘High levels of use always lead to crime’ etc…?

I have sympathy for the situation both you and your son are in but I think you are quick to blame his obvious problems on weed alone, while it is clearly only going to exaggerate the problem is it not possible that there are other things going on there? I have never stolen anything in my life and wouldn’t dream of doing so, especially from my family, I am also at university and have never had a problem holding down jobs.

You and your lawyer husband obviously had high hopes for your privately educated son and still do as evidenced by the amount of money you have spent on rehab for him. Can I suggest that rehab probably just makes him feel like more of a freak, more separated if you will? He needs some backbone and that, needs to stand on his own and get a job be a man instead of just feeling sorry for himself. Can I suggest also you get your other sons to get jobs as young as possible to learn the value of money and the satisfaction of working for it, it will also make it a lot easier for them to get jobs when they get to Williams age. 

Its not my intention to come across as being nasty towards you at all, so sorry if I have a bit there I just wanted to offer my perspective. I really do have genuine sympathy for your situation. I have a couple of friends in very similar situations, minus the stealing off your family (probably less to steal!) and the rehab at the priory, and I guess I would really like to say what I have said above to them really and I hate being stigmatised as some kind off jobless scum with piss stained trousers and a criminal compulsion because I am a heavy marijuana smoker. Peace. BRIGHTON

Firstly, especially on today of all days, my heart goes out to you Debra.  I have felt so many times in the last few years, that there are people out there far worse off than my son, or our family, but unfortunately this does not remove the aching pain that I feel inside….. 

My eldest son, who is now 26, began smoking when he was about 15. At that time there was nothing to suggest that this drug was anything than a harmless recreational activity. Indeed I even let him smoke with his mates in his bedroom thinking that, at least I knew where he was, and what he was doing. How wrong could I be. It is impossible to say whether there is something in his disposition which makes him more vulnerable to the effects of skunk, or whether it is the drug itself, and at this juncture I’m not sure that I will ever know. 

He didn’t do well in his GCSE, but went onto college where he did better. He persuaded us to let him go back to school to do A’ levels, which we let him do, but he didn’t do very well, and left after a few months. He decided then to get a job which he kept for over a year, and in fact was in work until he became ill at 22.During this time, 18-22, we thought that his attitude to us, and his increasing isolation from us, was just a continuation of his teenage years. I thought as long as he knew we loved him ,and that he would always have a home with us, everything would work out OK in the end. 

Things came to a head during Christmas of 2002 when he stared expressing beliefs contrary to his upbringing. He brought home books and newspapers to read, and we thought he had joined a religious group who were trying to brainwash him. He accused us of performing magic rituals on him, and then one night in January whilst we were still trying to work out what was going on, he just up and left. He phoned us regularly over the next few weeks to hurl abuse at us for ruining his life, but he didn’t come home. He was in contact with my parents but, sad to say they thought ‘there is no smoke without fire’ and believed that we must have done something for him to act in this way, as so little information was passed from them to us as to his well being. 

In late March he rang me at work to say he felt really ill; like his head was going to explode, he no longer could decide what reality was, and what was just in his head, he needed help. Needless to say we went to him straight away, and over the next few days we saw the GP, and then a psychiatrist, and was then voluntarily admitted to hospital. He had cannabis induced schizophrenia. 

After hospital he came back home, but he was very ill. He thought we were trying to poison him, and every meal was a nightmare. He was very paranoid, and thought people were filming him.  He plotted with his girlfriend to poison us. He spend several spells in hospital, but things were not really getting any better. 

In 2004 he became very ill. He woke up one Sunday morning and did not recognise anyone. Even my youngest son was told in no uncertain terms to ‘go away’. He had always been great buddies with his older brother and was understandably devastated.  He would not go with us to A&E, and so I rang the hospital where he had been before, and they said that someone would come to assess him, but it might take a few days as certain members of staff had to be present. The next day I rang and begged them to come but things were still being organised. On the Tuesday the matter was taken out of our hands. My youngest son rang me at work terrified saying his older brother was running round chanting and smashing up the place. My husband raced home to find brandishing a baseball bat. He feared for our youngest son’s life.

By the time I arrived home he had chased his father down the garden with the bat, and my husband was now hiding in the garage. He had locked himself in the house, but because he didn’t have the security keys, he couldn’t get out. The police were at the front door asking him to let them in. In the end he smashed a window and stuck his head out, he had two carving knives in his hands. At that moment the phone rang. He went back in for the phone and came back to the window and threw the phone at my head saying it was for me. It was the hospital! The police managed to get him to hand over the knives and he disappeared back inside. A few moments later my husband rang to say he had climbed out the kitchen window, and was now climbing over neighbours gardens in an attempt to get the street behind. The police raced round the back and found him ’skipping’ along the road.They were forceful with him but also very caring, something I will remember for the rest of my life. 

This time he spent some months in hospital. Without access to money,  and therefore limited access to Cannabis we thought things would change, but as soon as he came out it started all over again. He would go out in the middle of the night to return a few hours later. A night would not pass where we slept peacefully.  By mid 2004 it was clear things had to change. Much as I did not want to, after an argument which ended with him saying, ‘you know what happened before’.. alluding to the knife episode, I asked him to leave. For 2 weeks he slept rough on the Town Hall grass……… 

During this time we, as a family did not keep our problems a secret. The last thing we wanted was for another son, another family to go through the same nightmare. We went on the London Programme, I emailed local schools that it was going to be on just to try and highlight the problem. We were very dismayed by the government’s action to downgrade as we thought this would give the wrong message to youngsters. I emailed ‘Frank’ and told him telling the kid about ‘munchies’ was not telling them about the realities. Hollyoaks tackled the issue, but it was all too about much spending a couple of weeks in hospital, and when you home after a few weeks, everything will be back to normal. The reality is that this may not ever happen. Hospital itself is not a nice place, it is a sanctuary for those who are ill, I will not deny that, but it is in itself a dangerous and depressing place. People who have been ill are stigmatised, if they are unlucky they lose their jobs, their friends, their partners, their families, basically their lives.

My parents invited him to stay with them. I cannot say whether he was on his best behaviour with them, and they would not tell me the truth anyway. They said he was no trouble, but after an argument with my mother one day about housekeeping, he was admitted again to hospital, and it was decided that on his discharge he needed to be in his own place. 

The council housed him in temporary accommodation outside the borough, the problem was his psychiatric nurse could not visit him there as it was ‘out of the borough’. Within about 10 days of being discharged he was already becoming ill again. When I visited him he told me his trainers were talking him telling him to run away. One afternoon he turned up at the mental health day centre asking for help and they rang me to come and get him. By the time I arrived he had disappeared. ‘Don’t worry’ the doctor told me, he is street wise,  he will be OK. Worried sick I walked the streets that night whilst my husband drove around trying to find him. The next day we spent the day driving back and forth to the flat to see if he was there. Nothing. By that afternoon I started ringing the hospitals. My husband thought I was over reacting and running about after him as usual. By that evening I had decided to report him missing. I though the police would think I was an idiot, but they got someone to ring me back, and they took all the details and were very sympathetic. The next day Sunday the phone rang, it was the police, and they had found him. He had been sleeping in the park local to my parents, living on discarded food and drinking from the water fountain. We raced to the station to collect him and he looked indescribably awful. Even the policeman had tears in his eyes. We went into the interview room, and they had given him food and a drink. He was eating it like a animal………. and he looked like one. 

He spend a few more weeks in hospital and this time was discharged to a bed sit in the borough. For 6 days he had no bed,  and for about the same time he had no running water as the drains were blocked. I longed for him to come home, but knew for the sake of my own sanity, my other children, my relationship with my husband, this was not possible. In the bedsit opposite was a very charismatic crack addict. Despite several calls to the council they would not re-house him. People were now breaking into his room by removing an access panel which led to his toilet. Although he was entitled to breakfast, cereals, milk etc it was never supplied. It was not until I insisted on a case review that things started moving. A housing association offered him a flat, and I thought this would be a new opportunity, a new start, things would change. 

We spend a week painting, cleaning etc. We bought some basic carpet as it made the place more homely, and was the only thing we could give him that he could not sell. He moved in and received support from the housing association, and the a psychiatric nurse, but things still did not really improve. The person from the temporary accommodation followed him and my son’s crack use increased. 

After another spell in hospital it was agreed that my son would receive his anti-psychotic medication by injection. This now means that his mental health is stable, but he has a crack addiction. He does not smoke cannabis much now. In the last 3 weeks he has finally realised that when he smokes skunk, even with the medication he becomes paranoid. 

He shows no desire to quit the crack. He eats little and spends the rest of his money on crack. He looks, and smells on occasion, I am sorry to say like a tramp. He comes here on a Sunday to dinner so I can see he is OK. he showers , washes his clothes and leaves here with a full belly but… My husband and I are constantly rowing over the past, the present and the future. My other children are still distressed by what has happened. My relationship with my parents has changed irrevocably. It has effected the whole family to the core. As I am typing these last few lines I know things could be worse, and I am grateful that they are not. My sister said once ‘why are you getting so emotional he could be dead’. Trouble is I think he will be before me, and that’s what scares me.

Dear Debra,

I have just finished reading your Guardian article…my Mother’s Day treat and I actually really mean this! For 8 years I have been struggling with my middle child’s drug use…my son, my middle child, is now 23, my daughters are 25 (a freelance writer like you!) and 13 years old. He started ‘getting into drugs’ aged 15 when we lived in Oxford and it has been a hard, sometimes overwhelmingly anxious time for me ever since. Now, he is living near me in London. I had to get my son to leave home when he was 19 also. I could no longer live surrounded by such tension, distrust and emotional destruction. It was a deeply unhealthy situation for all the family. The last few paragraphs of your article touched me deeply. My eyes filled with tears and I felt I wanted to make contact with you. I would really like to write a longer email to you but this is an immediate ’straight- from- the- heart’ one, if you know what I mean! I have just told my 13 year old that I would like to get in touch with you. She said that you might think I am strange!  I hope that this is not the case. I asked her to read the article and we discussed whom it reminded her of. Her brother, of course. I told her that I found your article immensely comforting as it proved that we are not alone in this situation. 

My story and ‘journey’ with my son is a long and difficult one. Now, he has a part- time place at music Technology College. He is a bright young man with 10 GCSE’s but he, too, never got round to completing his ‘A’ levels, despite attending an excellent school in Oxford. Now, he blames me for ’sending’ him to such a ‘posh’ school and says he ‘hates’ me for it. I tried my best to do what I thought was best. 

I still feel anxious and nervous about his future. I have just found out that he has taken £70 from his bank account over the weekend. I just hope it wasn’t £70 of drugs money. I seem to always anticipate the worst and my anxiety drains the energy I need for the rest of my family and my full-time job.

If you are able, it would be great to keep in touch with you. I would value the opportunity to share my sorrow/hopes/fears with other mothers who are tangled up in this drug-damaged mess. All good wishes on Mother’s Day to another forever-loving mother! I sincerely hope you do not mind a ’stranger’ writing to you in this way.