tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15910486154712185182024-10-24T19:01:53.301-04:00Please note that this blog has moved to http://www.opositivecoach.com/ Hope to see you at the new location! This blog WAS about observations, critiques, analyses, and ideas about relationships, dating, and love from a life coach, drawn from experience, research, friends, fiction, and any other interesting sources.oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-89294668020961811422012-07-05T22:34:00.000-04:002012-07-05T22:34:17.805-04:00

Hello everyone, Thanks to an overhaul of the O Positive Coaching website recently, we have successfully moved the blog so that it is now incorporated into the website. I invite you to check out the site, read the new blog postings, leave any comments, and most importantly, Subscribe on the blog page. See you at the new address! Selena

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-80246224717124067552012-05-12T23:10:00.000-04:002012-05-12T23:10:25.619-04:00

I was asked recently about the efficacy of online dating, and for those of you who read my blog, you already know that I have a lot of reservations about online dating. Instead, I want to suggest an alternative that cuts out a lot of neurotic behaviors and should be a lot more fun. If you're convinced that you haven't met interesting people nearby (i.e., in the same state,) maybe you should try

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-1640590062012717442012-05-08T18:33:00.000-04:002012-05-08T18:33:19.335-04:00

How he lit up my life with his stories and drawings--stark and funny and sad and defiant and passionate.  My daughter's face in deep concentration as she studied the pages of the Nutshell Library, and three-year-old voice singing, "boiled up a pot, of chicken soup, and swallowed it away."  How many times had I excitedly given his books to the children in my life?  There will be

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-10425100643862977122012-03-20T15:23:00.001-04:002012-05-08T18:22:00.320-04:00

Happy spring, everyone! Here is something to stir you and your partner up and get out of the winter doldrums: Talk about what may be hidden in your memory bank about shared experiences, what you've been thinking about but haven't said to each other, and even what you haven't given time to think about but would be fun to share. Restaurant.com partnered with author, Keith Ferrazzi, to put

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-16186492390988978412012-02-11T15:33:00.001-05:002012-05-08T18:21:38.491-04:00

According to a new paper from Northwestern University as discussed in The Economist's article, "The Modern Matchmakers," a couple of things that I've theorized are now backed up by research: The volume of online and speed dating can make people focus too much on physical attributes rather than on what really matters in a long-term relationship. The online services appear to use people's

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-63992395101264312452012-01-26T21:49:00.001-05:002012-01-26T21:50:37.343-05:00

In this new year, I've begun to do something different. I've been going to a lot of different networking events and business meetings in which I don't know the attendees.  I say "a lot" but it's only one or two per week--that's about as many as I can handle. In doing so, I'm meeting people who I wouldn't usually encounter, but I'm meeting them in known contexts.  I'm finding that

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-86373516042919830232011-09-30T16:19:00.000-04:002011-09-30T16:19:26.916-04:00

In thinking about how friction is handled within a relationship, I came up with the seesaw (or teeter-totter) analogy, but one where the fulcrum supporting the seats can move up or down, and the seesaw platform can also move 360 degrees. If you could imagine two people in a relationship, either at the beginning or when together for years, are sitting facing each other at the ends of the seesaw.

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-79446596398432915072011-09-23T10:48:00.000-04:002011-09-23T10:48:11.719-04:00

When I arrived at college, I was tough. Not nearly as tough as Lisbeth Salander, but tough nonetheless.  Being in a vulnerable position economically, class-wise, racially, and sexually as a young person either withers one or makes one develop a hard exterior.  It's easy to maintain that hard exterior because not caring what other people think becomes a habit, and striking out at those

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-34393616237929989162011-09-20T18:28:00.000-04:002011-09-20T18:28:08.595-04:00

There's nothing like having a near-death experience to quickly clear up whatever may be fogging up your lens. Ric Elias spoke at the 2011 TED conference about how, when his passenger plane came down for a crash-landing on the Hudson River, he suddenly realized that he'd wasted too much time on things that didn't matter -- arguing with his wife and others he cares about because his ego got in

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-45062077411399814702011-09-14T21:50:00.000-04:002011-09-14T21:50:03.682-04:00

In honor of the blog reaching over 1,000 views, I'm expanding the scope of the blog beyond dating.  Hopefully you'll see even more content to interest you! I just finished reading the novel, The Oriental Wife, by Evelyn Toynton, and found it remarkable. A quick read, the narrative flows effortlessly as the reader follows the complex emotional strain that lovers, family, social groups, war,

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-30039082246937184542011-09-01T01:44:00.011-04:002011-09-02T17:59:26.565-04:00

The majority of couples that split up do so because of problems communicating, or their values and lifestyle choices were irreconcilable, leading to a lack of intimacy and estrangement.  At the risk of sounding negative or paranoid, I would like to discuss the minority of couples with a serious problem -- where one of them turns out to have some form of narcissistic personality disorder. I

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-3836593205668371102011-08-14T14:01:00.000-04:002011-08-14T14:01:10.666-04:00

When asked to describe what qualities would attract them to someone, most people list "being confident" as a must-have. While this quality is popular, it means different things to different people, so I looked up the definition.  They include: Dictionary.com:  Feeling or showing confidence in oneself; self-assured.  Feeling or showing certainty about something.

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-41600339663743285122011-07-29T13:18:00.000-04:002011-07-29T13:18:16.467-04:00

In my life coaching class, the trainer pointed us to an online self-assessment site administered by UPenn's Dr. Martin Seligman, who heads their Positive Psychology Center. There is one test that may be useful in your dating life because it gives an easy-to-understand result along with a short explanation of what it indicates.  Go to the Authentic Happiness site here, register, and then take

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-71833882452386479552011-07-25T23:50:00.000-04:002011-07-25T23:50:55.237-04:00

I received thumbs up on Post #10 from readers (male and female alike) who are currently in happy relationships -- thanks for letting me know!  It seems that they view creating and maintaining their relationships an active, improvisational art, and they reap the rewards in overwhelmingly positive perceptions about and feelings for their partners, and a secure sense of self from feeling truly

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-68080505632487485562011-07-18T01:53:00.000-04:002011-07-18T01:53:15.550-04:00

Having read a number of books written by single authors sharing their experiences playing the dating field (and who continue on in their single state at the end of the books, incidentally), I find that they all have difficulty determining the type of chemistry to prioritize. They generally give the top spot to "physical chemistry"--that excitement generated by someone's physical appearance,

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-92215356192845442302011-07-09T02:56:00.002-04:002011-07-09T22:21:05.062-04:00

We visited friends this past week in the North Country--we'll call the place Crystal Lake--where the cell signal is so weak you might as well shut the phone off. While enjoying the meditative state that inevitably sets in, I was drawn to the many parallels between this jewel of a place and the most overlooked type of people on the dating scene--the quiet ones. First, here's a picture of Crystal

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-12736613729949275712011-06-24T16:43:00.000-04:002011-06-24T16:43:12.930-04:00

A couple of days ago, I had a really interesting discussion with Alma about the challenges of getting to know people in the academic classroom setting, when it's the only place where you have contact. I think a couple of the points from our discussion are applicable to the dating scene, especially to Bunni's comment under the fourth post that it's very difficult to get to know

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-35763724959665595032011-06-16T20:29:00.001-04:002011-07-18T01:51:12.426-04:00

I remember receiving the printed “face book” the first day I arrived at college. This was before the Internet was popularized, when the equivalent of online dating was through personal ads in newspapers. I'm sure that most of us in the class made conjectures about our classmates’ likability, coolness, and date-ability based only on the listings of name, hometown, secondary school, and 1”x1.25” b

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-72550812620700075862011-06-03T17:11:00.000-04:002011-06-03T17:13:59.898-04:00

This is one of my favorite subjects, hands down. I love happy couples -- they radiate good stuff to others:  good smiles, good feelings, homes that are comfortable to others, good arguments, good stories.   Some even have well-trained pets and/or raise good kids.  You want to spend time with them because it's obvious that they enjoy each other's company, and they generously

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-22925423389484004702011-05-26T00:33:00.001-04:002011-07-18T01:52:15.330-04:00

This is a question that I can only answer on my own behalf.  Depending on who you ask, there will be a hundred different answers.  However, the answers won't usually be just one thing, but a bundle of behaviors that tipped the balance. Here was my basic bundle: He was willing to talk with me about anything, nothing was off-limits. He consistently listened to me and added his own

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-91613554339367080002011-05-16T22:27:00.000-04:002011-05-26T00:33:48.467-04:00

Thanks for all the great feedback!  It's fun and helpful to hear what many of you have to say, and to know that I'm not talking just to myself. If you remember, back on my second post, I mentioned that almost all online dating sites require that you self-identify physical traits.  Most also require that you list your interests and activities in order to set up a basic profile, and

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-63200903813411830352011-05-11T14:27:00.000-04:002011-05-26T00:34:15.420-04:00

Just as one can be too easily tempted by junk food when hungry, it's best to seek a (soul) mate when you feel confident, are happy with yourself, and aren't under external or time pressures. There's a good reason I say this, despite the wrinkled brows and sputtering I detect -- I've heard from dating singles that there are a lot of "damaged" people out there.  Andy commented that, "the

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-20186076783825996172011-05-06T23:30:00.000-04:002011-05-26T00:34:34.375-04:00

Before I get started, let me answer those of you who wanted to refer single men or women to me.  Thank you, first of all, for reading my post!  Tell your friend/colleague/family member to either email me or leave a comment below the postings.  Or, if they don't feel like contacting me yet, they can Follow my blog until ready.  I'm thinking of organizing a singles event at some

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1591048615471218518.post-28721870242547486442011-05-03T22:32:00.000-04:002011-05-26T00:34:50.666-04:00

No -- I probably pay too little attention to what other people talk about, and I certainly don't stick my nose in if my attention isn't wanted. It's just that here and there, good friends and close family members have shared tales of frustration, woe, and willful misrepresentation about their dating experiences -- both online and offline. What prompted me to take an active role?  It may be

oluvme@facebook.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13177774230484833067noreply@blogger.com0