Tami, the One True

Stop Being Disgusting Garbage People

2025-10-19T15:34:00.005-04:00

To embrace Nationalism is to imply that you think people from other countries in the world are somehow less worthy than people in *your* country.

It’s my opinion that every human being is born with the same human rights, regardless of location or nationality. It’s the style of your upbringing and your choices that make you who you are, not your country of origin.

Treat everyone as a human. Just do that.

Sand Paper

2025-08-26T20:00:00.000-04:00

When I worked my first job, I made very little money. I did my yearly gyno exams and cancers screenings at Planned Parenthood and used their sliding pay scale, which allowed me to afford these important medical treatments. My health insurance at the time was minimal.

Now I hear talk of defunding Planned Parenthood, and I wonder how many women won’t be able to have those kinds of appointments, any more.

I used the services at Planned Parenthood for about three years. I have never been pregnant. How are people so mistaken about how important healthcare is provided by that organization? Their malice makes me feel physically sick.

Also, missle attacks executed by my country on another nation adds to the sick feeling. It’s been a rough Saturday.

Take Notes

2025-07-13T13:25:00.004-04:00

These people are on the board of The Heritage Foundation.

Please start digging up any dirt you can.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Heritage_Foundation#Notable_board_of_trustees_members

Notable board of trustees members

As of June 2024, eighteen individuals serve as members of the organization's Board of Trustee. Notable members include:

Larry P. Arnn (since 2002), president, Hillsdale College^[228]
Edwin Feulner (since 1973), co-founder and former president, the Heritage Foundation^[228]
Robert P. George, professor, Princeton University
Rebekah Mercer (since 2014), director, Mercer Family Foundation^[228]
Anthony Saliba (since 2012), trader, entrepreneur, and author^[228]
Brian Tracy (since 2003), motivational public speaker and self-development author^[228]

Notable former board members include:

Edwin Meese, former U.S. attorney general^[228]
Marion G. Wells, philanthropist and president, Marion G. Wells Foundation^[229]
Preston A. Wells Jr., businessman and philanthropist^[228]

Tonight’s Shouting

2025-06-25T01:52:00.001-04:00

Tonight, the abyss gets to hear me shouting about the sanctity of human life.

I believe that Israel should remain the Jewish state, minus Gaza. Gaza can be excluded. I am, at heart, a Zionist, but I can live with a two-state solution pretty easily.

I believe that the average civilian that calls themself a Palestinian deserves to live.

Now, I remember the attack, I remember Hamas up and starting a war with Israel, worse than the usual every day ineffective bombing. I remember the hostages, so many of whom were killed, and the women whose bodies were defiled sexually, their lifeless limbs paraded through the streets as part of a horrific parade.

I have watched as the world forgot who started this mess, as they became more and more shocked by the intensity of Israel’s retaliation.

I am also horrified by the intensity of the retaliation. The ongoing death and destruction are beyond the pale.

It is so obvious that Israel has choked the last breaths out of all those poor people. Life is supposed to be precious. So why, in the interest of stopping all the pain and suffering, why does Hamas not surrender? Do wars no longer have winners and losers? Is war just forever, now, like in some apocalyptic sci-fi novel? Will we continue the wars with no end until no one remembers why they were fighting?

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

2025-05-03T21:59:00.001-04:00

According to Pam Bondi, the US has seized 22 million fentanyl-laced pills at the border, saving 119 million lives. If that were true, it would mean that one pill can kill 18.5 people.

I’m guessing that she does not understand math. At all.

Well, Things are Not Going to Plan

2024-11-24T22:45:00.003-05:00

Went away for a few days with new girlfriend. As far as I can tell, has only been back to their hotel since Thursday.

Last week they asked me to put notifications on their movements for when he went to or came out of the hotel. They were very drunk at the time. Today I see that they have deleted them.

I think that I might get dumped.

I hope to god that I'm being over dramatic.

Insert swear-word here. I really love that person.

Not Average, But Hurts, Anyway

2024-11-14T12:20:00.001-05:00

I always knew that I would never by polyamorous. I knew that at a very early point, I’d wonder, if you love me, how can that not be enough. Real love isn’t always found, so many people die lonely. But I know that I love him, for real, and I kind of understand why I’m not “enough”, but it hurts. Why does he have to form love bonds with people when he doesn’t love them back?

Thats what I was braced for. Because he fell in love with me while he was in love with someone else, that’s what I’m expecting to happen. And I do fully believe that he loves me. He spent too much time trying to make me happy to not love me.

He’s seeing someone else, now. I want him to leave her town and never go back, because of his own plans. I don’t want him to do it “for me”. I want what I want with no guilt. I want to speak her name into the universe, but I’m afraid how that will work.

F-word, Other Swear Word, Third Swear Word for Emphasis

2024-11-09T20:15:00.001-05:00

My boyfriend and I are in an open relationship. This is because he feels strongly about his need for polyamory, and despite my strong desire for monogamy.

I can have him as he is, or not at all. I cannot have him miserable, even if he was willing to do that. I'm 99% sure that he'd lose me before committing to monogamy.

I think that this might mean that I love him more than he loves me, but I'm going to put that out of my mind, immediately.

Last night he kissed someone else, and is going on a date with her, tonight. My visceral desires are to break his nose with my fist for even wanting to kiss someone else, and to shave off all the hair on her head, including her eyebrows.

I left him a video message saying that I hope the show that they're going to see is fantastic, and that they realize that they're not compatible at all and are awkwardly uncomfortable in each other's company. I told him that I was pretty sure that wasn't going to be the case, so hey, at least he's going to have a nice night.

I am the worst kind of person for hoping that he feels horrible about doing the thing that he is expressly permitted to do. There is no danger of losing me over this.

But it hurts. And I want him to love me enough that preventing my hurt is more important to him than kissing other people.

That is probably not going to happen. And I was a real jerk for leaving him that message.

Wake Me Up

2024-09-29T21:15:00.003-04:00

When September Ends.

I recently posted about the fact that I find 80 or so percent of my life painful or unfulfilling. My inability to get out of bed for any reason continues to make me wonder why I'm still alive.

Even the very good things are floating in a sea of sadness.

I wish I was a little bit worse of a person. Then at least I could get some of what I want through guilt.

Can't Say it to Her Face

2024-09-18T10:38:00.003-04:00

Your phone isn't being weird, you're just so f-ing clumsy that you hit the wrong icons. ALL THE TIME.

I do not even know how you keep turning down the brightness on your laptop.

Hello Darkness

2024-05-15T01:01:00.001-04:00

I'm in too much pain to sleep. The painkillers didn't really work, today. I was just overly stoned and in pain. My aide had a second shadow aide an inch and a half behind her. They overlapped.

Anyway, now it's after midnight and I don't want to talk to any of the people who are also so messed up that they're still awake, so I find myself here.

Sometimes it's nice to have an abyss to shout into.

Adult Language Warning

2024-05-07T07:49:00.001-04:00

I snapped at you for doing something unhelpful.

You snapped back that you wouldn't just leave it like that, like an asshole.

Do you think that you've never been that asshole?

Butterflies? At This Age?

2024-05-07T07:46:00.002-04:00

He sent me a video message. I listened to everything he had to say. I care about it all, because I care about *him*.

He went to end the message. I started to hope he'd say "I love you". Then he did.

Butterflies. At this age.

More… Positive Stuff?

2024-02-09T01:49:00.000-05:00

Today, I didn’t feel well, in the grossest of human ways. Unpleasant to be around, pulling pain faces, being generally human body stinky.

I had a date planned. Know what he did? Nothing I have is contagious, so he came to my house, and held my hand and got me water while I went through it. He distracted me with chatting about important and trivial things. He held my hand some more. He told me how pretty he thought my hair was. We watched a TV show, pausing it a lot to tell each other stuff. When he had to go, he kissed me gently and thanked *me* for really seeing him, and loving him for the whole person that he is.

I’ve been so up and so down about him for so long, that this feels insane. It does feel real, though.

I Hate Being a Secret

2024-02-08T10:39:00.000-05:00

I wanted so badly to put proof of my relationship on the Internet that I resorted to here. There are people out there who know this is my boyfriend, and there are people being kept in the dark on purpose, because it would hurt their feelings. I'm sick and tired of their feelings always being more important than mine.

I like this photo, even though it's a little awkward, because he leaned in and kissed me on the forehead. It wasn't discussed in advance, he just wanted to.

Afraid That Posting This Stuff Will Get Me Death Threats

2024-02-02T11:57:00.001-05:00

I just saw a headline calling the Gaza conflict, which is terrible from every angle, "Israel's War". I am incredibly angry at that writer. It's not any one entity's war, you can't have a war with a single side.

You *can*, though, have a country that is trying to work under very strained conditions with a group that wants to wipe them off the earth. You *can* have that country retaliate for being brutally and suddenly attacked en masse, at civilian sites, grabbing hostages, beheading people and parading corpses through the streets.

Does Israel make the right choices in all of this? I don't think so. But I don't think that they're the only ones who own it, either.

From the Al Jazeera article: “No child should ever be exposed to the level of violence seen on October 7 – or to the level of violence that we have witnessed since then.”

I agree. But please, please do not forget that on 10/7, the violence was *against* Israel, on Israeli ground.

Political is Personal

2024-02-01T16:07:00.001-05:00

I'm going to get personal. I am anti-war. I do not want anyone shooting at anyone else, for any reason. I am pro human. Yet an American posting "Support for Palestine" feels like a giant slap in my face.

There's not a nation called Palestine. It's an intellectual construct of a pre-biblical area that has modern country borders drawn throughout it. Israel may only be legitimized by some drawings that the British made after WWII, but it was an actual form of legitimacy of *some* kind on the international stage.

You know what a Palestinian born in Jordan is? A Jordanian. Anyone born in Libya is Libyan same idea for Yemen, Egypt, all of it.

I do not call myself a Jew Living in America, I call myself an American who is Jewish.

I do not wish for the IDF to wipe all Palestinians off the Earth. Jews don't have well-known chants calling for that. Are there some? I don't know them. There is a very well-known chant, "From the river to the sea", and the very meaning of it is promoting genocide of the Jewish people. Because they say that we're evil.

I'm not evil, I'm regular. I have some good points and some bad points, and I'm normal.

I believe that Hamas is starving their own people to death in order to convince the world that Israel is a genocidal evil entity.

If even one more person that I know shows a "support for Palestine" image, my head will explode.

The minute Hamas gained control of the Gaza Strip, the digging of offensive tunnels started, and bombs started flying in to southern Israel at random.

Maybe I've been tricked, but these are the first hand accounts from old friends. I won't mind losing a few new ones if I have to.

Still, all I really want is for people to give peace a chance.

Again, I Realize that I'm a Fool

2023-10-01T01:30:00.003-04:00

"All I want is you!"

The words were so shocking to hear that they stick with me. They were just a drunken declaration. I knew that they were never true; or at least, if they were, that the concept of actually having me was too terrifying to achieve.

Still, they were said, and they were heard, and I latched on, like a drowning person desperately grabbing on to a broken raft that will never keep them afloat.

You do want me, but you want me as an addendum, not the main text. When you say "we", I am not the partner to whom you refer. The worst part is that no one in the world wonders who you mean, everyone in your life knows whom your primary is.

When we're together, everything feels fine. When we're not, reality is all I feel, and reality is much harsher than I'd like.

I know I chose this, but sometimes it hurts anyway.

The only reason that I'm hurting is because I choose to be The Fool.

I Live in the Dark Places

2023-09-25T00:27:00.002-04:00

Late night musing: I never have to realize that I look like my mom when she was this age. She never made it this far.

Out of Options and Patience

2023-08-27T19:43:00.000-04:00

Where do you go when your research has failed you?

When the care you need is literally not available, for any reasonable amount of money?

Pretty sure that I could get what I need if I was a billionaire.

I am not a billionaire.

Short but Sour

2023-08-09T09:48:00.006-04:00

The mixture of kind words and loving deeds combined with the avoidance of being physically present makes me want to throw up, sometimes. Knowing the reason for avoidance feels a lot like having untreated acid reflux

I have a half-full heart, and a really sour stomach.

Thought is Deed

2023-08-01T00:06:00.002-04:00

Killing yourself is wrong, I get that.

Murder is wrong. Taking someone’s life without prompt is wrong. I get that, too.

Planning murder, though, with no expectation of seeing it through? Still perfectly legal.

Not exactly sure who I’d plan to kill. My inner evil villain has several choices.

The whole concept of old-school Catholicism, where thinking about a sin was just as sinful as actually committing that sin, that never sat right with me. Thought is deed.

A Very Bad Poem

I gave you my very best toy, to protect, yes, but also to use and enjoy.

You triple wrapped it with bubble wrap to make sure it was never harmed, but then you left it on the shelf, checking every so often to make sure it was still there, and played with other toys instead.

It’s not that my toy was any better than those, it’s just that it was my favorite, and I wanted to share it with you.

Now, wrapped safely on that shelf, neither one of us gets to enjoy it.

Complaints Into the Ether of Nothingness

2023-07-18T13:32:00.001-04:00

Today I am sad.

The person that I love used to love me back, but now it feels like it’s fading. It feels like he’s stolen the intimacy that I thought was mine, to give it to someone else. I do not feel as if they’ve earned it. And I miss him, but I don’t believe that he misses me.

Very few of my friends come to visit me, any more, because being chronically ill and bed-bound for 7 years is both boring and awkward to be around.

The possibility of getting an electric wheelchair has been raised again, but I need to come up with three hundred dollars cash by Friday, because the occupational therapist is out of network, and I haven’t met my out of network deductible.

I started therapy, and the woman gave me immediate black and white advice in an incredibly grey situation. I hated that.

My family is a Gordian knot of illness and mental issues.

I’m sad.

My stomach hurts very much, because I have IBS, and it reacts to my stress. I’m bed-bound, and can’t afford enough help to get me out of bed when I need to use the bathroom. You can’t limit that to a five-hour shift, on weekdays. Not being able to use a restroom at all is incredibly humiliating.

I’m sad.

I’m writing all of this down here, because literally no one has read my posts from this year. I’m weeping in to the abyss.

Figuring It Out

2023-07-09T22:19:00.003-04:00

Just saw a message thread where I was talking about my feelings with a friend. How I wanted something, but understood why I couldn't have it.

It was precisely two weeks later that I got it.

But I got the Monkey's Paw version.

I hope it doesn't go as badly as the original story did.

It's odd. I want something that I could probably have pretty easily with another person, but the person that I've been chasing is the only one that I want to have it with.

Soon enough all of my chances and opportunities with this person will be gone, and hopefully I can go back to not wanting anything, again. It was in no way fulfilling, but it was so much easier.

I always say, "At least it's not boring".

Invisible?

2023-06-26T22:32:00.003-04:00

Will you realize, at some point, that I’m not there?

I feel like you’re not going to realize it for a while.

You said that you were lying to everyone, even yourself.

At that moment, I didn’t fully believe you. Now, I believe you.

The door is locked, and I need someone to open it from the other side so that I can move forwards. I feel like no one’s opening it for me because I have somehow become invisible.