tangled GREEN thoughts

Strange Day

2008-07-15T12:40:00.002-04:00

I'm working at the Doctor's office today, and it has been unusual.

The mistaken room

A lot of people come into this office by mistake.

If you ever have the choice, never choose your suite number to be the same as the building. If the building number is 302, don't occupy suite 302. Don't. Seriously, don't. Unless you enjoy having random people insist that they have come to the right place. They just don't understand the concept of suites are a part of a bigger whole called building and that they have different numbers.

I hear dead people

A detective constable called me from the morgue saying that he needed to contact family members of the deceased (he had the Doctor's business card on him). The man's first name was Cuong. I couldn't help him with any useful information about family contact. A few minutes later another man called and his name was Cuong!

Who are you?

There is this lawyer who works beside the office and she is my parents age. Today her son came to visit her and she introduced him to my parents. Then my mom was like, well have you met my son? You should meet my son.

We all had a little chat and then on their way out my mom was saying how he should hang out with me. I've begun to give in a bit when my parents try to introduce me to eligible ladies (wink wink) but I draw the line when my mom is trying to set me up with men friends?

Up or down?

2008-07-11T11:25:00.003-04:00

Haven't written a post on this blog in forever, but I felt an urgency to write about how it really peeves me off when people press Up and Down for an elevator when they only need to go in one direction.

That is all.

I can't keep this up

2008-01-06T16:07:00.001-05:00

I have no time to keep up this blog and the novel one, so all I've been doing is consistently keeping up with my poker one which is at http://joethepro27.blogspot.com/.

I'm getting better by leaps and bounds and also been getting lucky. Skill + luck goes a long way.

I'm going to keep up that blog b/c I think it's a good way to review my own play and get better.

What I've been up to

2007-12-12T13:40:00.000-05:00

It's due time for an update, so the news is that I've been furnishing my condo. Right now as I type, I'm looking out 3 giant panels of window onto the gardiner. I never thought watching cars drive by could be so soothing. It's no lakeside view, but these cars, they are like my own personal fish tank. The woosh they make as they drive by is not so different from waves crashing on a beach front.

I guess for an urbinate like myself, this view is as good as any.

I finished episode 6 of joethepro some time ago also, (Click HERE) but although I'm getting lots of positive comments I feel like my drive for making those videos is dying. I will probably continue making them, but few and far between.

The newest thing I'm doing, because I feel like I always need to have some sort of creative outlet, is a blog novel. It's going to be my first attempt at science fiction, a genre that has always interested me. I'm going to try to maintain a once a week update, but we'll see how long that lasts. You can find the first entry up over at thelistnovel.blogspot.com.

I'm still here

2007-11-16T11:55:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted in the longest of times.

This post won't even be a real post. It's just a post promising of a real post someday.

One bit of news is that I've moved into the West One condo after pretty much a three year wait. I must admit that it was worth the wait. The place is beautiful and the location is perfect.

Foot in the ass

2007-08-31T12:47:00.001-04:00

So we've all heard the term foot in the mouth when someone says something they shouldn't have said at the wrong time. Foot in the ass is what I think my father does often.

Sometimes when he thinks we're alone he'll saunter up to me with a mischievous grin on his face and let a thundering one rip. But more often than not, just around the corner, there is another person.

Once in the car when he didn't know I had my window open and the person on the bicycle nearly fell over. Once when he thought we were alone in the basement looking to buy a house, the homeowner was dusting in the doorless room beside us. Once when the elevator was about to open and a crowd of people waited outside. And all the time in his office when he thinks all the patients are gone, but they're not.

Miss Vietnam Global

2007-08-24T11:38:00.000-04:00

I watched a Vietnamese beauty pageant with my parents yesterday. At the end of the pageant, the winner was overjoyed and tears streamed down her face, spilling over her trembling lips.

I've seen many of these contests before and noticed that crying is quite common, but it wasn't until yesterday that I thought about what it represented.

"Oh-my-God. I'm so incredibly good looking. I'm the most beautiful girl on this stage. If you look at my face and body you smile because it's so sexy and when I walk by strangers, they rate me really high numbers out of 10."

And so they cry, because they are beautiful and have been verified by others.

Could you imagine if they held an intelligence pageant and the winner cried? No. Not very likely. The winner would look snooty and ever so slightly push the rim of their glasses up a notch with the tip of their finger.

And then at home in their room by themselves, doors locked, lights off, they would start crying, "Oh-my-God. I'm so incredibly intelligent...."

Poker Hands

2007-08-08T13:31:00.001-04:00

Lately, my reads of people have been great. I'm beginning to understand the thinking of short stacked people more. They are more likely to push with medium and low pairs, but if they have top pair or better, they bet only chunks of their money.

I still make nasty reads and plays, so I want to post my ugly misplayed hands up so I can learn from it.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1347367

Here there are two early limpers. Limpers always means shit-all UNLESS it's a limper UTG (from first position. tricky players sometimes limp UTG with AA, KK). I have AK, third best hand, but plays poorly out of position as I have explained.

I want it heads up, but I don't mind winning it preflop. I also at the same time want to test the first position guy.

A normal reraise would be 5.50, but I don't mind winning it preflop and I really want it heads up, so I bet 6. Both of them call my raise. This makes me put the first caller on a decent hand, and the second guy on a drawing hand (he saw that it was multiway then called).

The flop was a mixed blessing. On one hand I hit my ace, on the other hand I'm drawing dead almost vs. AQ, trips and a flopped flush. Yet I have to protect my hand vs people with flush draws.

With only top pair on a scary board, I decided to pot control rather than protect, so I checked. UTG raised it small and got min raised. I call to see what happens. At this point I don't want to give up TPTK (top pair top kicker). UTG folds. Which is good news since I don't want this to grow to a big pot.

The turn comes and it brings a safe card. I check. He bets small. The pot is almost 40 dollars and he only bets 12. I'm thinking in my head, if he has the flush and wants me all in by the river, he really needed to make a larger bet. If I only call this bet of his, I'm not committed. Why isn't he commiting me with a larger bet? It's pretty obvious I have an ace or a spade draw. I thought to myself. MAYBE because HE is drawing to the flush. He does not have the flush. That's why he only min raised on the flop and raised very little on the turn. I must protect my hand I thought so I reraised him to 37.

He called.

Another safe card on the river.

The pot is around 110 so I bet 35. He min raised me. I called.

The guy knew me perfectly. He played me perfectly with all these min raises.

How I would replay this hand.

I think checking and then calling a raise and a reraise practically announced my hand. If I were to play this hand again. I should have bet out on the flop. If reraised 3x or more, fold, min raised called. Then bet out the turn medium. If reraised, even min raised again, give it up. I think pot control is important, but here I just need more information rather than getting 0 information and giving a lot. Using this strategy, I'd only get bluffed off by aggressive people, which is why I'd just need to choose good tables.

Life Is

2007-08-01T00:51:00.001-04:00

There is no one meaning to life.

People want their already complex world to be a little less complex, so they ask for an answer to the big one. If someone, anyone -- religion, celebrities, mentors, history-- could just only answer this, there would be an outline to the randomness and chaos.

Life is everything. It is what you make it.

Life is spending your time on drugs and partying if you so choose. Life is fanatic dedication to job, fame, family or money, but life could be sitting watching cartoons indefinitely while world changing events are taking place outside your home.

With infinite possibilities and no assuring guide, I am that pathetic person who sometimes feels overwhelmed and unprepared for what to do with MY life. But I am not that person who has the ability or faith to turn to religion, celebrity, mentors or history. I want to know if I get a cookie for starting a family or a merit badge for making an old lady smile, but I wouldn't believe anyone who gave me an answer.

Tonight lying in bed, I’ve decided what meaning I want to bring to my life.

My life is to be greater than what was given.

Were you amazed when the smartest person in your class got an A; when the fastest won the race and the best looking got the girl (or boy)? To be better than what is natural is to be amazing.

I want to make my body stronger. I want to try to gain weight and be healthy (I have taken up cooking and exercise/weight lifting).

I am lazy, so I want to find a profession I enjoy so I can dedicate, study and dig for ambition I do not have.

I want to find a girl I can love and be kind to, relate and grow old.

This is what I want my life to be, the meaning I make from it.

Finally, I do not want to neglect what I find a little easier: to be good to my friends and love my family.

My midnight intoxication. Only morning will tell if this is a product of pillow delirium.

Hands today

2007-07-30T13:58:00.001-04:00

Multiway pot action

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1315938

Analysis: This is why they say don't go broke in multiway pots with only a pair. I have to toot my horn on how little I lost here. It might even be a weak play at higher levels.

Give up on the straight?

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1315952

Analysis: Here is a hand where I have top pair and a so-so kicker. On the flop they bet out minimum and another just calls the minimum. I feel like I should protect my hand so I bet out pot. The turn brought a possible flush, the card I was very scared of and a possible straight. I still have top pair and now a straight draw so I decided to check it down rather than be reraised off the pot. The river brought me the straight and I'm pretty willing to call most bets but the Villian went all in. This is what some people do after the turn trap didn't work. I'm not sure if my fold was correct or not. The pot was still pretty small compared to his all in.

My hand: TT overpair

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1315979

Analysis: This fold I felt more confident about, even though it was the same table that just saw me make a laydown. The flop I was fairly certain about. I felt preflop I would have been reraised with a higher pocket pair and the flop was VERY draw heavy. Any ace would have a straight draw, medium cards have gut shots, flush draws out, just tons of possibilities. So when he bet out, I wanted to really punish him for trying to draw and reraised him 4 times (I didn't mind a fold by him here). The turn brought the ugliest possible card. Any ace now has his straight (aces anything are more likely to call preflop raises) and any flush draws have hit, plus he could have already had me beat preflop or flop. So I checked willing to call a moderate sized bet on the river if the right card fell. The king came which was an overcard to my pair. He bet half the pot. The only hands I could beat were 66, 77, 88 and 99 so I decided to give up on my hand.

AK out of position

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1315873

Analysis: Playing AK out of position sucks. AK is a hand that wants to see all 5 cards because most of the time you're not going to hit your ace or king on the flop and if there is pressure on you, then you have to let it go. That's why AK is the ideal hand to go all in with preflop if the pot is big enough.

For example, playing .50/1.00, if I raise to 3.5 UTG and get reraised to 10.50 and I have 100 dollars. When it swings back to me, I usually consider 10% of my stack the minimum to go all in. Depending on the player I would sometimes go all in so I get full value out of my AK getting to see all five cards.

Today, unfortunately, I was min raised. I really hate min raised because it's either a really great hand (AA, KK), or a drawing hand. This put me in a tough spot with my AK. I was out of position to someone who took the betting lead. When the flop comes and most likely misses my hand, I'd likely bet out and then give up on the hand. Reraising almost commits me to the pot and going all in seems too absurd considering the pot is still small and only AA, KK, QQ, JJ and AK would call in that case (me getting beaten most of the time).

I decided to reraise him. If he went all in, I would be in a tough spot. If I miss my flop (most of the time) I would bet and if called or reraised (tough spot again!). If I hit my ace or king, I am committed. Luckily for me, I hit my ace, but notice that even though it looked like I was way ahead, he wins 1/3 times we run it. So even if things go perfectly (not reraised all in preflop, I get lucky and hit the flop) he can still win 1/3 times with his hand. His play isn't crazy, 2/3 of the time I miss my flop and may have to fold.

This is why I hate playing AK out of position.

The worst day in poker

2007-07-16T18:33:00.000-04:00

Today was the worst day I've ever had in poker. 8 out of 10 races I lost (a race is when you both go all in and you each have a 50/50 chance to win) and then everytime I had a premium hand, they got lucky on me.

Let me show you a few hands that weren't races today.

The Start

It started off badly here when I hit my flush but he had quads (I am redswiss27). I don't mind this hand so much except that it was so large a pot. After losing this hand, I played lower stakes because I didn't want to lose a lot:

NL $1/$2 Texas Hold'em - Sunday, July 15, 19:22:33 GMT 2007
Table Oxygen 07 6-max (Real Money)
Seat 1 is the button
Total number of active players : 5
Seat 1: HabibMarwan ( $260.68 )
Seat 2: reg b ( $54.92 )
Seat 3: nirvana99 ( $171.35 )
Seat 4: xanxoz ( $200 )
Seat 5: redswiss27 ( $197 )
Seat 6: Alandmark ( $254.57 )
reg b posts small blind [$1]
nirvana99 posts big blind [$2]

** Dealing down cards **

Dealt to redswiss27 [ Ks, Qs ]
redswiss27 raises to [$7]
Alandmark calls [$7]
HabibMarwan folds
reg b folds
nirvana99 folds

** Dealing Flop ** [ Js, 2h, 2s ]

redswiss27 bets [$10]
Alandmark calls [$10]

** Dealing Turn ** [ 7h ]

redswiss27 bets [$20]
Alandmark calls [$20]

** Dealing River ** [ 8s ]

redswiss27 bets [$38]
Alandmark goes all-in
Alandmark raises to [$217.57]
redswiss27 calls [$122]
redswiss27 goes all-in
Returning uncalled bet [$57.57] to Alandmark

** Showdown **

redswiss27 shows [ Ks, Qs ] a Flush
Alandmark shows [ 2c, 2d ] four of a kind, Deuces

** Hand Conclusion **

Alandmark wins $394 from main pot with four of a kind, Deuces

The following hands are in no particular order, but continued a bad day. These were all that I could find easily, but there were many more 2 outters etc....

Hand One

Aggressive, sort of short stacked guy tried to make a move on me.

NL $0.50/$1 Texas Hold'em - Monday, July 16, 20:42:09 GMT 2007
Table Fluorine 14 6-max (Real Money)
Seat 2 is the button
Total number of active players : 6
Seat 1: Cancer Man ( $122.37 )
Seat 2: SHATIT ( $33.25 )
Seat 3: Nero14 ( $62.23 )
Seat 4: Keziah ( $129.40 )
Seat 5: Theducklin ( $92.28 )
Seat 6: redswiss27 ( $91.95 )
Nero14 posts small blind [$0.50]
Keziah posts big blind [$1]

** Dealing down cards **

Dealt to redswiss27 [ Ac, As ]
Theducklin calls [$1]
redswiss27 raises to [$4]
Cancer Man folds
SHATIT folds
Nero14 raises to [$7]
Keziah folds
Theducklin folds
redswiss27 raises to [$21]
Nero14 calls [$14]

** Dealing Flop ** [ 6c, 5d, 8s ]

Nero14 checks
redswiss27 bets [$30]
Nero14 goes all-in
Nero14 raises to [$41.23]
redswiss27 calls [$11.23]

** Showdown **

Nero14 shows [ 9h, 9d ]
redswiss27 shows [ Ac, As ]

** Dealing Turn ** [ 7d ]

** Dealing River ** [ Ks ]

** Hand Conclusion **

Nero14 wins $123.46 from main pot with a straight, Nine to Five

Hand Two

Again I have a premium hand against the same psycho, but he hits his straight. I managed to keep the pot small, by checking the flop and making an almost min raise on the turn for information. He bet out small on the river hoping I would reraise again, but I only called him down.

NL $0.50/$1 Texas Hold'em - Monday, July 16, 21:30:17 GMT 2007
Table Fluorine 14 6-max (Real Money)
Seat 1 is the button
Total number of active players : 5
Seat 1: Cancer Man ( $157.22 )
Seat 2: Kissyblue ( $55 )
Seat 3: Nero14 ( $100.81 )
Seat 4: Spader7 ( $100 )
Seat 5: Theducklin ( $35.90 )
Seat 6: redswiss27 ( $127.35 )
Kissyblue posts small blind [$0.50]
Nero14 posts big blind [$1]

** Dealing down cards **

Dealt to redswiss27 [ Ad, Ah ]
Theducklin calls [$1]
redswiss27 raises to [$4.50]
Cancer Man folds
Kissyblue folds
Nero14 calls [$3.50]
Theducklin folds

** Dealing Flop ** [ 9d, Th, Td ]

Nero14 checks
redswiss27 checks

** Dealing Turn ** [ 8c ]

Nero14 bets [$3]
redswiss27 raises to [$7]
Nero14 calls [$4]

** Dealing River ** [ 5c ]

Nero14 bets [$10]
redswiss27 calls [$10]

** Showdown **

Nero14 shows [ Jc, Qc ] a straight, Queen to Eight
redswiss27 mucks [ Ad, Ah ]

** Hand Conclusion **

Nero14 wins $42.30 from main pot with a straight, Queen to Eight

Hand Three

This guy was such a donkey. I can't believe he held on to his QQ when I made pot sized bets twice against 2 opponents. Needless to say after taking this pot from me and lucking out on some other guy he lost all his money eventually. Same thing goes for most of the guys who lucked out.

NL $0.50/$1 Texas Hold'em - Monday, July 16, 21:48:35 GMT 2007
Table Fluorine 13 6-max (Real Money)
Seat 1 is the button
Total number of active players : 5
Seat 1: Rosaneros ( $45.22 )
Seat 2: Mladinho26 ( $167.85 )
Seat 3: TRENTEND ( $42.98 )
Seat 4: redswiss27 ( $155.65 )
Seat 5: Happyfold ( $71.96 )
Seat 6: ALFCHLO ( $54.05 )
TRENTEND posts small blind [$0.50]
redswiss27 posts big blind [$1]

** Dealing down cards **

Dealt to redswiss27 [ 4c, 4h ]
Happyfold folds
ALFCHLO folds
Rosaneros calls [$1]
TRENTEND calls [$0.50]
redswiss27 checks

** Dealing Flop ** [ Kh, 4s, 8h ]

TRENTEND checks
redswiss27 bets [$1.85]
Rosaneros calls [$1.85]
TRENTEND calls [$1.85]

** Dealing Turn ** [ Td ]

TRENTEND checks
redswiss27 bets [$7]
Rosaneros calls [$7]
TRENTEND folds

** Dealing River ** [ Qs ]

redswiss27 bets [$14]
Rosaneros goes all-in
Rosaneros raises to [$35.37]
redswiss27 calls [$21.37]

** Showdown **

Rosaneros shows [ Qd, Qc ] three of a kind, Queens
redswiss27 shows [ 4c, 4h ] three of a kind, Fours

** Hand Conclusion **

Rosaneros wins $90.29 from main pot with three of a kind, Queens

Hand Four

What the? Is all I can say about this hand.

NL $0.50/$1 Texas Hold'em - Monday, July 16, 20:40:51 GMT 2007
Table Fluorine 13 6-max (Real Money)
Seat 4 is the button
Total number of active players : 6
Seat 1: pfweh ( $60.25 )
Seat 2: Mladinho26 ( $71.60 )
Seat 3: TRENTEND ( $60.38 )
Seat 4: redswiss27 ( $113.95 )
Seat 5: ENVOY ( $44.03 )
Seat 6: Sboski ( $34.05 )
ENVOY posts small blind [$0.50]
Sboski posts big blind [$1]

** Dealing down cards **

Dealt to redswiss27 [ Qh, Qs ]
pfweh raises to [$2]
Mladinho26 folds
TRENTEND folds
redswiss27 raises to [$6]
ENVOY raises to [$26]
Sboski folds
pfweh folds
redswiss27 goes all-in
redswiss27 raises to [$113.95]
ENVOY calls [$18.03]
ENVOY goes all-in
Returning uncalled bet [$69.92] to redswiss27

** Showdown **

redswiss27 shows [ Qh, Qs ]
ENVOY shows [ Ts, Kd ]

** Dealing Flop ** [ Tc, Th, 7d ]

** Dealing Turn ** [ 8h ]

** Dealing River ** [ 9h ]

** Hand Conclusion **

ENVOY wins $88.06 from main pot with three of a kind, Tens

Hand Five

I played this guy perfectly and checked raised the turn, but he luckboxes on the river, which I have to call anyway cuz I'm pot committed so I made the bet.

NL $0.50/$1 Texas Hold'em - Monday, July 16, 21:19:28 GMT 2007
Table Fluorine 03 6-max (Real Money)
Seat 4 is the button
Total number of active players : 5
Seat 1: Kissyblue ( $50 )
Seat 2: Bedzilla ( $297.16 )
Seat 3: kingjoe26 ( $16.24 )
Seat 4: Loukie ( $198.20 )
Seat 5: t4l ( $17.76 )
Seat 6: redswiss27 ( $104.50 )
t4l posts small blind [$0.50]
redswiss27 posts big blind [$1]

** Dealing down cards **

Dealt to redswiss27 [ Js, Jc ]
Bedzilla calls [$1]
kingjoe26 folds
Loukie folds
t4l calls [$0.50]
redswiss27 raises to [$4.50]
Bedzilla calls [$3.50]
t4l folds

** Dealing Flop ** [ 3d, 9d, 6s ]

redswiss27 bets [$7.50]
Bedzilla calls [$7.50]

** Dealing Turn ** [ Jh ]

redswiss27 checks
Bedzilla bets [$15]
redswiss27 raises to [$45]
Bedzilla calls [$30]

** Dealing River ** [ 7s ]

redswiss27 goes all-in
redswiss27 bets [$47.50]
Bedzilla calls [$47.50]

** Showdown **

Bedzilla shows [ 4h, 5h ] a straight, Seven to Three
redswiss27 shows [ Js, Jc ] three of a kind, Jacks

** Hand Conclusion **

Bedzilla wins $207 from main pot with a straight, Seven to Three

Hand Six

I decided to be cute with this hand because the guy was aggresive so I just only called his preflop raise so I could really hurt him later. It worked, but he lucked out.

***** Betfair Poker Hand History for Game 229915073 *****
NL $0.50/$1 Texas Hold'em - Monday, July 16, 17:06:41 GMT 2007
Table Fluorine 03 6-max (Real Money)
Seat 1 is the button
Total number of active players : 6
Seat 1: Kissyblue ( $43.05 )
Seat 2: cjs123 ( $82.95 )
Seat 3: redswiss27 ( $94.10 )
Seat 4: Jimmy____ ( $96.50 )
Seat 5: LIV5 ( $98.40 )
Seat 6: apaths ( $65.89 )
cjs123 posts small blind [$0.50]
redswiss27 posts big blind [$1]

** Dealing down cards **

Dealt to redswiss27 [ Ac, Ad ]
Jimmy____ folds
LIV5 folds
apaths folds
Kissyblue raises to [$3.60]
cjs123 folds
redswiss27 calls [$2.60]

** Dealing Flop ** [ 3h, 4h, 6c ]

redswiss27 checks
Kissyblue bets [$5]
redswiss27 raises to [$15]
Kissyblue goes all-in
Kissyblue raises to [$39.45]
redswiss27 calls [$24.45]

** Showdown **

Kissyblue shows [ 7h, Kh ]
redswiss27 shows [ Ac, Ad ]

** Dealing Turn ** [ Qh ]

** Dealing River ** [ Tc ]

** Hand Conclusion **

Kissyblue wins $83.60 from main pot with a Flush

Hand Seven

This hand I don't know what else I could have done. I bet 10 so I could isolate just 1 guy, but 2 called. Then a scary flop called so I bet big to end it, but was called again. One guy was short so by then I was pot committed.

***** Betfair Poker Hand History for Game 229779639 *****
NL $0.50/$1 Texas Hold'em - Monday, July 16, 02:41:46 GMT 2007
Table Fluorine 18 6-max (Real Money)
Seat 2 is the button
Total number of active players : 6
Seat 1: Mekon1969 ( $56.55 )
Seat 2: cctv ( $76.43 )
Seat 3: tinu ( $102.65 )
Seat 4: redswiss27 ( $101.30 )
Seat 5: Firstrain ( $43.80 )
Seat 6: will12345 ( $96.40 )
tinu posts small blind [$0.50]
redswiss27 posts big blind [$1]

** Dealing down cards **

Dealt to redswiss27 [ Ks, Kh ]
Firstrain raises to [$2]
will12345 calls [$2]
Mekon1969 folds
cctv calls [$2]
tinu calls [$1.50]
redswiss27 raises to [$10]
Firstrain calls [$8]
will12345 folds
cctv calls [$8]
tinu folds

** Dealing Flop ** [ 9h, 3s, 8c ]

redswiss27 bets [$18.50]
Firstrain calls [$18.50]
cctv calls [$18.50]

** Dealing Turn ** [ Js ]

redswiss27 goes all-in
redswiss27 bets [$72.80]
Firstrain calls [$15.30]
Firstrain goes all-in
cctv calls [$47.93]
cctv goes all-in
Returning uncalled bet [$24.87] to redswiss27

** Showdown **

cctv shows [ Tc, 7c ]
redswiss27 shows [ Ks, Kh ]
Firstrain shows [ 7h, 7s ]

** Dealing River ** [ 9s ]

** Hand Conclusion **

cctv wins $65.26 from side pot #1 with a straight, Jack to Seven
cctv wins $132.40 from main pot with a straight, Jack to Seven

There were more hands and of course all the 50/50 ones I lost.

Paris Hilton Over-exposed

2007-07-04T21:08:00.000-04:00

Since I spend a lot of time on the computer surfing the internet, I spend a lot of time reading about Paris Hilton. On the internet, she is the queen and death and taxes wait their turn. It's as though the entire world has got an addiction to and camaraderie in making fun of her.

The first 10 thousand jokes were funny. I laughed at all the slut jokes, bimbo jokes and heartless bitch jokes. She was an easy target, filthy rich girl with zero modesty and work ethic. I'm pretty sure she looked up the word airhead and used it for a personality. But somewhere between the 100 thousandth and 1 millionth joke, I stopped laughing. I realized that we've become the joke.

So many people are bagging on her, it's like the nerd at school making fun of the geek. Paris has become the acceptable target of ridicule, even by the people with glass houses. It's cool to make fun of her.

Celebrity sites just need to put up a juicy picture of her and throw in a random mix of insults and they've reached their traffic and comments quota for the week.

Sarah Silverman got the entire MTV auditorium to laugh at Paris while she was actually there attending the event. If she had made the same fellatio jokes about anyone female, maybe even porn stars, the room would have gone silent. But it's okay to say that stuff about Paris. You are allowed to say anything about Paris, and if it's mean, it's funny.

There are some real sick evil people out there, but we all focus our hatred and anger on a spoiled rich girl. Her biggest sin is being self-centered (like no one we know is like that). The big bad guys in the world are smart and might fight back, Paris will just cry. Let's all keep making fun of her, so we feel better about ourselves.

I'd rather be her friend than a sheep's. BAAAAAHHH

Now we're cooking

2007-07-01T15:59:00.000-04:00

I've gone and done it. I've spent 200 dollars buying several cookbooks. After spending all that money, I've decided that cooking will be my new hobby since video games aren't so productive and poker has become a job.

After much research, I've decided on the following books (I already have the Joy of Cooking):

The Professional Chef - A bible, like The Joy of cooking. It's a mammoth textbook that covers the culinary arts.

Essentials of Classic Italian Cooking - Two Marcella Hazan Italian cooking books combined into one. She is responsible for bringing great italian cooking into the American kitchen.

Complete Book of Mexican Cooking - I really don't know much else besides tacos and burritos, but I do very much like tacos and burritos.

Think Like a Chef - A top chef writing about the principles behind cooking, so that you can creatively make dishes and not follow strict recipes.

How To Cook Everything : Simple Recipes for Great Food - Food editor for the NY Times.

Chinese Cooking Made Easy - Small little book with a lot of recipes.

The Chinese Kitchen: Recipes, Techniques, Ingredients, History, and Memories from America's Leading Authority on Chinese Cooking - Textbook for Chinese food.

The one book that I reluctantly dropped but may get in the future was one on Japanese cooking.

To a Science

2007-06-26T17:01:00.001-04:00

Do you ever wonder if it's possible to always choose the slowest line at banks, supermarkets or retail stores? Well now you can tell your friends that it is possible, because I am that guy.

I've done rigourous scientific studies. I've picked the shortest line; I've picked the line where people had the least items; I've picked the line with the speediest looking cashiers; I've picked the lines with the best looking girls (probably my smartest idea), but it always results in me being in the slowest line.

Today at Walmart I went for the shortest looking line, which probably had 7 people in it. After a few minutes the aisle next to me opened up and people rushed there, including 2 people in front of me. I thought they were mad. There were only a few people in front of them, but they gave up their spot to be in a much lower ranked spot in the new line.

I laughed inwardly at the Lemmings as I saw their little feet scurrying into the new line while I casually tucked my sunglasses into my breast pocket and lifted a People Magazine for a superficial read. I was so cool that if any girls were watching me they would have instantly fallen in love.

I nearly dropped the magazine when I saw the shopping cart of the person first in line. She had a mountain of merchandize. I'm not talking about large items -- mini fridges and cookware sets -- mountain, I'm talking about dollar store shopping spree mountain. It was as if she had items the size of Tic Tac boxes that over filled Walmart's extra large carts.

Hi. I would like to purchase 1000 Tic Tac boxes all marked at different prices.

The cashier politely asked her if she would mind letting a person in front of her while she loaded the conveyor belt. After that person was done she wasn't even done loading yet but the entire belt was full.

Two magazines and 35 minutes later she was finally done. The sick part about how long it took was the cashier was one of the faster cashiers I've seen. If I had been in one of those slow cashier lines, like in the past, this would have easily been over 1.5 hours.

Can you imagine it taking 35 minutes for one person with a fast cashier?

Now you're probably asking why didn't I just go to a new line. Well, I was third. Behind me were 3 people. The other lines had 7 people, so I would have been 8th. But yes, I watched those lines, if I had been 14th it still would have been faster.

So tell your friends. Scare little children. You know of a guy who always picks the slowest lines.

I do not compute, but U do

2007-06-25T15:09:00.001-04:00

I've been furniture shopping in anticipation of the condo (once again delayed - plumber strike) allegedly finishing in October. As usual, I used the internet to shop. I found a site with modern furniture at affordable prices so I signed up to get a price quote.

You learn something new everyday. Today I learned that my last name is invalid. At least the website said so. My last name needs to be from 3-16 characters to be a true last name. So I added a u.

But now I can tell them, "I knew something was missing in my life. All I needed was you to be whole."

More Patient Behaviour

2007-06-22T11:23:00.000-04:00

"I'd like to see the doctor please."

"You have health card?"

"Yes, I do."

This is the part when most people hand me their health card, but at least once a day I get to sit and stare at the patient while they get to stand and stare at me. On rare occasions it goes on for a second round.

"You have health card?"

"Yes."

Stare.

Big Small

2007-06-13T22:43:00.000-04:00

I had this friend in Japan who was a big guy. We used to laugh that I was already a small guy and he was already a big guy, but walking side by side did us no good. Today I chanced upon this picture from Dlisted and it reminded me of the conversation I had with him.

Beef Barely Soup

2007-06-12T11:24:00.001-04:00

Next time you buy your double double coffee or sugar glazed timbit at the nearest Tim Hortons be prepared for what happened to my brother because it could happen to you.

He entered, ordered and returned to his seat as regular as any other day. When he looked to his beef barley soup he noticed that it wasn't beef barley at all. Hardly a problem he thought as he went to the cashier and explained to her that he had gotten the wrong soup.

The cashier was a 20 something girl, petite and unassuming. "That IS beef barely soup," she said matter of factly.

My brother looked at the soup again to make sure he hadn't made a mistake. "No. It's not."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it's not."

"Yes. It is."

"If it's beef barley, where's the beef?" he asked while raising his eyebrows in victory.

"It's beef FLAVOURED."

"Are you kidding? If you're going to argue, you should at least know your own product."

"What the fuck are ya gonna do? Huh?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. What the fuck are ya gonna do you fucking Indian*? Fuck you!"

My grandfather recently passed away and my brother felt his presence near him, warning him that something odd was about to happen. At least this is what my brother told me. I don't think I would need any spirits to tell me something odd was about to happen after what she had just said.

He felt anxious and was preparing himself for the worst.

The cashier was fumbling with something under the counter, but from his view he could not see past her wrists. His body tensed in anticipation.

In the next moment her hands revealed themselves along with a 5 pound heavy metal object that she flung at my brother. He did a Matrix dodge bending at the hips to his side as it went sailing past him and cutting into the arm of a lady behind him.

The sharp edges of the metal object sliced open her arm in two spots and blood ran freely down her arm.

My brother looked at the cashier and said, "Good one."

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Days later, after much talk, Tim Hortons wanted to compensate my brother by giving him a 30 dollar gift certificate. They kept emphasizing that he could use it anywhere, but he told them that they were insulting him and he would rather not accept.

* My brother is Vietnamese

Funny but sad

2007-06-10T21:03:00.000-04:00

The Onesome Threesome Finale

2007-06-07T11:33:00.000-04:00

I was sitting on the train seat beside The Terminator and we looked like two sacks of lumpy potatoes. Our hands lay limp by our sides and our eyes were lifeless except they flared briefly as we spoke.

"They were pretty hot."

The Terminator released a drawn out breath. "Yah."

"Do you want to go back and look for them? It's not too late."

"No. No. No."

The train halted to a stop as the suited salarymen loaded onto the train. It was the start of their long work day. Stepping into the cart, they very quickly closed their eyes to fall asleep standing up.

"So, can you explain to me one more time why you're here and not with them?"

"Think about the pressure. You have two strong, aggressive, good looking women who are going to expect a lot. It's a ton of pressure. When I'm with a women I always have to please her. It's what pleases me."

"I never even thought about that. But it's true. If you're the please the girl type, you're going to have to do twice the pleasing. And no one's ever taught us what to do in a threesome," I said. "Well, unless you want to count pornos."

"And then I'd have to skip work when I'm already not on good terms, and what if I wreck things with XXXXXX?"

We sat in silence for quite some time. At one point, he let out a small beer burp and then settled into a comfortable slouch.

I started to unconciously shake my head as his reasons began to slip from my mind and visions of two naked hot girls replaced them.

"You know, they probably just found some other guy. But let that sucker try to please them both eh?"

The Terminator looked at me and opened his mouth about to reply before closing it and quietly mumbling, "Can we talk about something else?"

"Foursomes?"

Venting

2007-06-01T19:57:00.000-04:00

Man. I'm so pissed. Lost a 400 dollar hand when he only had an 8 percent chance to hit it on the river. He had pocket Aces and I had two pair on the turn. I checked and he went all in and I instant called. The last card was one of his 4 Jacks he needed for the straight (the 2 aces in the deck would have given us a split pot).

Usually, when I make the right play and get lucked out on I don't get angry because I know I played right. But this one really bothered me because I've been on a downswing.

The other days, I played poorly. But today I played so well and then something like this happens.

I also lost AA versus KK all in preflop for 150 dollars, but that one didn't bother me as much.

I guess anyway you make money there is some sort of stress attached to it. I've set up rules I follow to prevent myself from playing badly.

For example, after two big unlucky losses I must take a break. Also, never trash talk because I get really heated and then lose my play. Argh. This post is just to vent out some of my steam.

Poker Interruption

2007-05-21T12:45:00.000-04:00

My parents do not understand the amount of concentration I need when I play poker. They don't know that I'm playing 4 tables and 20 people simultaneously. On each table I come in with 100 dollars, sometimes working it up to over 300 dollars, so at any given time there could be a 200 dollar pot at stake.

My memory is pretty awful unless I'm interested in something and playing 4 tables of poker takes a lot of memory.

There are some things you MUST pay attention to if you want to win and there are some that are optional and most of the time I do remember those too.

So if I decide to play a hand I will be aware of the following,

MUST:

1. My table image at each table (have I been raising a lot? betting or checking flops?)
2. The cards I have.
3. The exact playing style of the person to my left and right (these are the people you can either take a lot of money from or lose a lot from).
4. The most aggresive guy on the table.
5. What position did the raise come from? (I play on 6 people tables, so there are 6 positions).
6. What hand ranges are usually raised from that position? What was the size of his raise? You can narrow down what he has by the position and size of his raise.
7. What position am I in?
8. How many people have called the bet so far and how much money they have?
9. How much money does the person who raised has? (if they have a lot, I can play more gambling style hands that if i hit the miracle cards, I can take his whole massive stack.)
10. How much money I have and how much money do the people who have yet to act have.

So every time I play a hand I think about all these things, I've done it so often it becomes second nature and if someone inturrupted me in this situation I would mostly be okay. The problem comes when I have to answer these 10 questions for 2 or even 3 tables at the same time and I have about 15 seconds to do so. The questions get deeper and more complicated as the hand progresses.

Anyways, I've been doing well and my game has improved a lot. I'm looking forward to September when I won't be inturrupted.

The Onesome Threesome Part V

2007-05-18T13:46:00.003-04:00

I was resting along the side of the bar. Hours of dancing had gone by and the time approached 4. The crowd was just beginning to thin enough for me to see the people squatting against the opposite wall, some soothing their heads with their fingers, others out cold and a few making out.

Emerging between the crowd, I saw The Terminator approaching.

"So, what's the deal?" I asked.

"I think, it's best if we escaped now."

"What?"

Escape, to me, meant a steathy exit. One which meant he was avoiding someone. "You mean, just leave? Without you saying goodbye to her?"

"Yah, come on, let's go. Quick." he said, and at the same time urging me gently off my seat.

"Wait. Did she show you a penis or something?" I was enjoying his sense of urgency.

"No," he answered immediately. "I just don't want to say anything. It's easier for me. Come on, let's go."

I decided not to torture him any longer and I got up to leave. As I did this, I looked over his shoulder and saw her approaching. "Guess who's walking towards us?"

His eyes told me he knew.

"I'll wait outside for you. Call me if you change your mind."

"Fuck. Okay, I'll be out there soon. Just wait for me. I'm coming for sure."

"For sure, for sure?"

"For sure."

As I left, the busty Brunette with her Asian friend walked to The Terminator's side.

"Uh. Hey. I think I have to leave now. My friends are waiting for me."

"Oh really? But we're leaving to the airport tomorrow. Are you sure you can't hang out longer?"

With new information, he stumbled over words, only repeated very slowly and in softer quieter tonnes, "You're leaving--to the--airport--tomorrow."

"Yah our flight is tomorrow afternoon. Today is our last night in Japan."

"Your flight is--tomorrow--afternoon. Today is your last night in Japan." He looked at her and then he looked at where I had made my exit, "I can't though. I can't. My friends are waiting for me and I have an early work day tomorrow. I need my 2 hours of sleep."

"That's too bad," said the Brunette pouting her lips before moving towards him and giving him a lip locking kiss and then a hug.

After, the Asian girl walked up to him and asked, "Would you mind if I gave you a kiss also?"

Unsure, the Terminator turned his head to the Brunette for an answer. She was giggling.

"Uh-sure," he managed to say and turned his cheek slightly towards the Asian. She grabbed his head in both hands, cocked it directly at hers and kissed him on the lips, slowly slipping her tongue in his mouth while gently pushing his head in towards hers. He had a hard-on and he had been sure she knew it. When she pulled away, she smiled and gave him a wink when their eyes met.

The brunette said, "Hey, he's mine," and walked towards him, pulled him away from her friend, and gave him a longer kiss.

At this point The Terminator could feel the Asians hand on the small of his back -- it had never left -- and the Brunette's arms below his shoulder blades, her breasts pressed against his chest, and her lips on his. What he was feeling at this moment is anyone's guess, but what he knew was being offered is everyone's answer.

Pulling herself away from him the Brunette asked again, "Our hotel is only five minutes from here, couldn't you just call in sick tomorrow?"

Japanese vids

2007-05-13T02:03:00.000-04:00

Some funny Japanese videos:

Here and Here.

Onesome Threesome Part IV

2007-05-06T01:11:00.000-04:00

We were back in the smaller hip-hop room. There was R&B playing, music that The Terminator used to his advantage when slow dancing. Although he had a disposition, some would call it a skill, to dance slowly to any song when he was with a girl.

I was dancing beside him and he had not introduced me to her, so I was his little secret friend. Since our last conversation we decided that he had very little will-power so it was best if he did not kiss her as it would indefinitely lead to more, and I was put on duty to ensure this.

Grab grab. Touch touch. Feel feel. Dance dance. Intense eye-contact. Recycled. It went on like this for quite some time and I was getting quite jealous of his "difficult position." So when the time came when their heads slowly inched towards each other and their eyelids clasped shut, as their lips reached out for one another, I wound my arm behind my back, crunched my hand in a tight fist and hammered him on the shoulder blade causing him to headbutt the bikini brunette, and then I continued dancing as though nothing unusual had happened. Smiling as if I was smiling from my enjoyment of the song.

My punch had little effect because it took only three or four minutes until it was back to grab grab; touch touch; feel feel; dance dance. And then I'm not sure what happened next. Perhaps I tied my laces or was bumped into an obscured view of them, but when I had a good shot of them again they were tonguing each other fiercely. Long passionate kisses that knocked the rhythm of their dancing, kissing that shut out the people beside them.

As I watched them kiss I began to try to remember which trains we took to get here, because I sure to be heading home alone.