Tao of Bachelorhood | Men's Lifestyle

Get Your Online Dating Guide…Before It’s Gone!

Michael — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 04:46:33 +0000

Update 2/1/12: You can now pick up the Tao of Bachelorhood Guide to Online Dating at Amazon.com formatted for the Kindle. Right now it’s only $1.99—mere pocket change!.)

One of the three bonuses you get when you subscribe to the Tao of Bachelorhood is the Guide to Online Dating, a 30-page book that leads you through the online dating process:

Find the best site for you
Set up the perfect profile
Write your bio for maximum attraction
Put your best photo forward
Find the women most likely to have “live” profiles
Send a message that practically forces her to respond
Get to the real date quickly

But I’m not here to hype the book—I’m here to let you know it won’t be free much longer. Well, that’s not exactly true: you can always come here and read the original series it’s based on.

The ebook version, however, will be moving to Amazon.com, where you’ll be able to buy an updated Kindle version for a really nominal price (that means cheap). I’ll be looking at an Apple iBooks version as well.

For the next few days, though, you can still grab the Tao of Bachelorhood Guide to Online Dating, as well as the Simple Starter Workout and Single Man’s Shopping List, for zero dollars when you subscribe. Either use the form over there at the right, or if you need more hype, here’s more reasons to sign up.

New Year’s Resolution? Do It Right.

Michael — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 09:20:53 +0000

This year I resolve not to blow up the damn bridge. Again.

If you recall, last year I suggested that instead of a new year’s resolution you consider adopting a motto for the new year. It’s low pressure and gives you a daily mantra that you can live by no matter what happens. It’s good advice and I stand by it.

However, I understand that there are those of you will ignore that advice and solemnly resolve to make a change next year. You may decide it’s high time you quit smoking. That’s terrific. Perhaps you took a look in the mirror and resolved to do something about that spare tire or those toothpick arms. Admirable. Cut out excess drinking (right after the midnight toast)? You should.

Whatever your big plan for January and beyond, I want you to succeed. And while you’ve already shown yourself to be someone who doesn’t take my advice (see first paragraph), I’m here to give you some more.

Don’t Plunge

The first resolution-related thing you should do is step back and really make this count. Don’t just show up at the gym and start randomly lifting weights if you resolved to get fit, or open Monster.com in a furtive attempt to fulfill that “improve your career” vow. It’s been proven that for most people, diving headlong into that resolution dooms it to failure. Need proof? My neighborhood gym is packed every January and empty by October. Case closed.

So sit down on January 1 with a sheet of paper and a pen, and make a plan.

Start with your goal. You’re probably expecting to see “an achievable goal” here, but that’s not what I’m gonna tell you. In fact, make that goal as big as you want it. The sky’s the limit. Buff and cut by June? Cold turkey smokeless? Hang gliding, skydiving and white-water kyaking solo by the end of the summer? In a band with an indie single for the next Xmas season? Fine, as long as you take the next step…

Break It Down

Now take that goal and figure out what you need to achieve it. The first step is to write down exactly what “success” consists of. “Cut and buff” should turn into a percentage of body fat and inches of muscle. “Cold turkey smokeless” should include what you’ll be doing to combat cravings safely. “Improve my career” should include the exact position you seek. Imagining that success is a powerful way to stay on track.

Once you know what success is, start penciling in the steps to get there. Look up the courses you’ll need for the skills that the career requires, and methods to obtain experience. Look up adventure sports instructors and find out how many lessons and how many hours you’ll need before you can go solo (or find out if you shouldn’t). Have someone to call if the nicotine fits or urge to have a drink gets too great, and strategies for avoiding the situations where you smoked or drank in the past. Create a workout and eating plan (have I mentioned yet that I’ve just created something that can help?).

Plan out your months, then your weeks, then if necessary your days. Know what you’re going to do tomorrow, and the day after that and the day after that. Your plan should also contain your plans after you achieve your success, because anything great enough to resolve to do should also be great enough to use as impetus for the next goal.

Don’t Let Your Resolution Rule Your Life

The last piece of advice I’ll give you is the most important: don’t devote every waking hour to your resolution. Give it time to breathe, and yourself time to live the other parts of your life. For most of us, total immersion in our pursuit of a goal will make us either overly frustrated at setbacks or simply burned out on the whole resolution thing.

Instead, make it about small achievements. Take just one class to begin with, or go shopping for the healthy food you’re going to eat this week, or take five minutes to celebrate another day without a cigarette.

When you suffer a setback—and most of us will—your plan should help you handle it. When you know what success is, and when your resolution doesn’t rule your life, it’s easier to get back on track. Look at your plan, find the next step, and continue on your path.

After writing all this, I’ve figured out what my biggest problem is with new year’s resolutions—you should have goals, and the plans to go with them, throughout the year. The changing of the calendar shouldn’t be required. Whether you’re reading this on January 5th, or July 18th, or November 3rd, and you have something you really want, go ahead and make it your January 5th resolution or July 18th resolution or Novem…you get the picture. Pull out that sheet of paper and get started now.

That way, you can just go ahead and adopt a motto at New Year’s, and everyone wins.

7 Ways to Change Your Life Today

Michael — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 12:59:22 +0000

Elevate yourself.

Are you stuck? Do you come home after work and fire up the PlayStation or Facebook and fritter away your evening? Do you dread getting up in the morning? Are your weekends all the same? Do you eat the same food, drink the same beverages and watch the same shows? Do you see people on TV living lives you think you want, but you do little more than daydream about it?

Are you happy with that?

I didn’t think so.

Well, your time has come, my friend. You’re going to get your life into a forward gear, and you’re going to start today. Each of the items below can change an aspect of your life that might have stagnated and held you back. And each one requires just one small step to get started. The less thinking you do before taking that step, the better. After you’ve set the wheels in motion, you’ll find yourself in a new life adventure.

1. Buy an airline ticket.

There’s nothing that can open your eyes like traveling to a place you’ve never been before. If you’ve never been out of the country and you can afford it, go to another country. If you’ve only traveled to Western countries, go East. And if you’re on a limited budget, find a city—or better (and cheaper) yet, an out-of-the-way town or national park—that’s unfamiliar to you yet within your means. Just head over to Priceline or Hotwire and get started.

2. Register for a class or lessons.

Everyone has a skill, sport or profession he’s wanted to try. So try it! Whatever your heart desires: skiing, windsurfing, standup comedy, guitar, novel writing, business management, cooking…anything you want to learn, there’s someone out there who wants to teach it to you. Your city parks or the local YMCA offer sports and swim classes. Local community colleges offer classes in a huge range of subjects, including evening classes.

3. Go to the store and buy only fresh food.

If dinner involves removing a box from the freezer or making a phone call, it’s time to change. The stuff in frozen dinners and fast food isn’t doing your health any favors, so give your body the stuff it craves: real food. Make a list (or get yourself a pre-printed Single Man’s Grocery List by subscribing to the Tao of Bachelorhood) and head over to the store. Buy a week’s worth of meats, vegetables, fruit and whole grains and make yourself some tasty meals in less time than you’d think. Stuck for inspiration? Grab a cookbook by Alton Brown (the man’s man of cookery) or Jamie Oliver.

4. Say hello to one woman per day.

What do you say to a woman? Try “Hi.” Say it as you walk by a woman on the street. Say it as you walk by a woman’s table at a coffee shop. Say it when you make eye contact with a cashier (they get paid to let you say hi to them!). How do you do this without being creepy? Walk with good posture, head up, paying attention to the world around you. Don’t stare at her as you approach. Just glance, and if she isn’t looking, glance back again a few seconds later. As you catch her eye, smile, say “Hi,” and keep walking. You don’t have to say anything else…unless she stops to talk you, that is.

5. Apply for a job.

Ever catch yourself pining for your dream job? Well, stop pining and start going for it. Fire up the Interweb and look for something you’re interested in, and apply. Do it right, with a resume and cover letter. Find out the hiring manager’s name if you can and send your application directly to them: relying on the “Apply” button at Monster is like putting a Match.com ad up without a photo—you shouldn’t expect a single bite. If you’re currently working, make sure you let the hiring manager know so they won’t contact your boss. Get that resume updated and fire up Indeed.

6. Start an exercise plan.

If you’re not exercising in some way, your life is going downhill, guaranteed. We were made to walk, run, lift, pull and push things to keep our muscles in tone and our innards in balance. Now’s the time to get things moving in a positive direction, and all you’ve got to do is decide what to do. It can be as simple as writing on your calendar what you’re going to do for exercise each day. Walk a mile, do 30 burpees, swim 10 laps, spend a half-hour at the gym—start at a level where you’re comfortable. If you’re looking for a gym program, might I suggest the Simple Starter Workout?

7. Fill a box for Goodwill.

If you’re like most of us, you’ve got a lot of “things.” In fact, you’ve probably got a lot of things you don’t really need, or things you don’t even really want anymore. Here’s your chance to start the decluttering process. Grab a good-sized box, at least the size of a standard moving box, fill it with things you don’t need, and take the box to your local Goodwill or Salvation Army or other charity. Don’t be concerned about the value or whether you plan to put it on Ebay one day when you have the time (you’ve been putting it off too long). You’ll get a tax deduction that covers the resale value of the items, and the good feeling that you’re helping others in need. And if it felt really good, fill another box. And another. Look for every opportunity to get your stuff to a manageable level. Maybe even take the 100 Thing Challenge.

These are all small steps to bigger things. Take one and follow it. If you find you’re craving more exotic adventure, or feeling healthier, or behaving more socially and with less fear of women, I’ve done my job here. Let me know how you fare.

Lessons from Steve Jobs

Michael — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 02:28:21 +0000

Steve Jobs, proud papa of the iPad.

Today was a sad, although not unanticipated, day for anyone appreciative of technology and its role in our lives: Apple Computer founder Steve Jobs has resigned as CEO:

“I have always said if there ever came a day when I could no longer meet my duties and expectations as Apple’s CEO, I would be the first to let you know. Unfortunately, that day has come.”

You don’t need me to recount the changes in our society Apple has been responsible for. The company revolutionized home computing in the ’80s with the original Mac. After his return in 1997, Jobs and the company he founded simply owned the 2000s, and have moved the world forward immeasurably. From the iMac to the iPod, the iPhone and now the iPad, Apple recognized needs and then filled them in ways most technology companies simply hadn’t thought of (but were always quick to both copy and build on, from Windows to Android).

He made his company’s stock the poster child for coveted investments, and even started a side venture that has created some of the most beloved animated films of all time. He was a workaholic, sent often terse responses to e-mails from customers and may be one of the most famous examples of a control freak since the days of kings and emperors (one former employee quipped, “he’d make an excellent King of France”), but it can’t be denied that he’s a classic alpha male.

What made his time with Apple, and his “side” businesses like NeXT and Pixar, so fruitful?

Passion

Jobs was driven to create the best products he could, taking new technologies and moving them forward. He wanted to ditch “beige boxes,” creating the original iMac, a colorful machine with curved lines and the screen and computer in a single piece. There were MP3 players before the iPod, but none with the same sleek white case (and identifiable white earbuds—you could spot another iPod user a block away) and easy interface for uploading music.

People screamed at first when the iMac appeared with no floppy drive, and when the MacBook Air included no CD/DVD drive. In both cases, Apple dragged us into the future, whether we liked it or not, and today we use thumb drives and the Internet for moving files and installing software. Multitasking and Flash were available for “smart phones” prior to the iPhone, but Jobs felt they caused more problems than they solved, and refused to use either in the early versions of the iPhone.

Other companies tie themselves up in knots with features based on focus groups; Jobs focuses not on what’s wanted, but on what’s needed.

If you’ve ever watched one of his keynotes, you’ve seen his love for his products and company. And you won’t find many CEOs of giant corporations who are nearly as well-versed in the actual use of their products as Jobs has demonstrated in those keynotes. And he returned to give those keynotes with amazing speed after both his treatment for pancreatic cancer and subsequent liver transplant.

And when he was “in exile” from the company he founded, he kept his passion alive, creating a company called NeXT, and developing the operating system that would become Mac OS X. He also bought a hardware company called Pixar and turned them into a computer animation studio with Toy Story.

Delegation

Despite his control-freak nature, Jobs understands he can’t do it all himself. When he returned to Apple, he sought out people who were experts in their field and relied on them for key roles. One of Jobs’ first major hires was Phil Schiller, a marketing executive at Macromedia who actually had a programming background. Jonathan Ive, the man behind the iconic design of most of Apple’s modern products, had considered quitting Apple after the company rejected his designs for a new all-in-one computer. Years later, Jobs returned and used the designs to create the original iMac.

Confidence

Jobs has what may be the most famous compensation agreement in the corporate world, taking a salary of exactly one dollar per year. His financial stake in Apple consists of stock options—just over 10 million shares, granted between 1997 and 2003—that were worth around $20 per share in 2001, the year the iPod was released. As of today those shares are worth $376.18 apiece.

One way to look at it is that Jobs felt that if he couldn’t lift the company out of near-failure, he didn’t deserve to be paid. But the more likely scenario is that Jobs knew what he could do and chose compensation based on that confidence.

Yes, it comes out like arrogance at times, but Jobs has quite literally put his money where his mouth is.

It’s likely that deteriorating health is the reason he’s stepped down as CEO (he’s retaining his position as Chairman, as well as his board position at Disney), so I wish him the best life possible in whatever time he has remaining. The world will miss him.

A small glimpse at what he’s done: here’s the introduction of the iPod, circa 2001.

Lessons from Dennis Hopper

Bacon and Eggs: More Than a Manly Breakfast

Michael — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 21:04:00 +0000

I love breakfast. It used to be that I subscribed to the “healthy breakfast” rules: egg whites or “Egg Beaters,” lean breakfast meat or no meat at all, whole wheat whatever. After all, saturated fats are “artery-clogging,” and whole wheat = fiber, right?

Then I made a change, and I now frequently enjoy a breakfast featuring three whole eggs and two or three strips of bacon. My God, what I was missing.

But why would I do that to myself? Don’t I believe in eating healthy and lean?

Let’s just say I challenged a few assumptions and got educated.

“Unhealthy” Fats

The first hurdle is the one you see in the media every day—the one in that first paragraph. “Artery-clogging saturated fats.” No one seems to even need to change the wording, as if those four words are the required AP style for any mention of saturated fats.

What if I told you that no matter how healthy you eat, you have “artery-clogging” saturated fats coursing through your body right now?

Saturated fats are animal fats. They’re the fats in beef, pork, poultry, fish…and humans. Your spare tire contains saturated fats. Most of your cells, in fact, contain saturated fats. Your body can’t survive without saturated fats.

Here’s the secret the “artery clogging” writers don’t tell you: most saturated fats you consume remain ready to be burned, but your body stores excess carbohydrates as saturated fat. You eat a donut then sit at your desk, that sugar and starch turns to fat, and when you get up and actually do something, that fat gets into your bloodstream. But we don’t call them “artery-clogging carbs,” do we?

And as far as cholesterol, I had mine tested when I was “eating lean,” and again after I began eating bacon and eggs regularly, and the numbers were virtually identical.

You don’t want to be eating bacon all day long, but perhaps saturated fats are something you can be sensible and balanced with, especially since…

Morning Protein

Whether you’re trying to lose weight or gain lean muscle, a critical part of your daily diet is to eat at least a quarter of your day’s calories and a good 30 grams or more of protein at your first meal.

This serves two purposes. First, those protein calories keep you satiated in a way that a stack of pancakes or a bagel never will. That keeps you away from the receptionist’s candy jar. Second, the protein helps your body to resume building and maintaining muscle tissue.

Three eggs provide 24 grams of protein. Add two strips of bacon and there’s your 30. Yes, there are other meats you can add to get to the target, and if you prefer them, go for it. I’m also a ham fan. But bacon helps you with your goal instead of working against it like those slices of “wheat” toast slathered in jelly.

Easy, Fun and Tasty

Last, there’s the enjoyment factor: the smell as it sizzles in the skillet, the meaty texture (or crunch, if you like it crispy like I do), and that decadent flavor. It’s the perfect complement to eggs.

Not to mention that bacon is easy to cook: put it in a pan, wait until it’s shrunk down and turn it over. About 5 minutes from fridge to plate. Or put it in the oven at about 400 for 15 minutes. Drain it or pat it with paper towels if you like to remove excess grease. (Oh, and never throw bacon fat down the drain. Do what Mom did and keep a covered soup can handy, then throw it in the trash when it’s full.)

Balance That Breakfast

At this point I should mention that I don’t eat just bacon and eggs—that’s not a balanced breakfast, and all of your meals should be rounded in nutritional content. A little microwaved frozen chopped spinach and black beans, mixed with a little cayenne or hot sauce, adds carbs and fiber to kickstart my brain and ensure, um, regularity despite all that animal product.

I also balance that breakfast with exercise. As I mentioned above, these fats are immediately available for conversion into energy, so it’s a great idea to keep the metabolism moving and the fats burning.

The world-traveling gourmand Anthony Bourdain was recently on tour, and a mother had a question about her young son. He had decided to become a vegetarian, and Mom was finding it incredibly difficult to meet his dietary needs while she also cooked for the omnivorous remainder of her family. She wanted to know if it was possible to win her son back over to the “dark side.”

Bourdain replied with one word:

“Bacon.”

Have a More Manly Summer [Best-of]

Have a More Manly Summer [Best-of]

Michael — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 11:30:37 +0000

Up the rebels.

By any official or unofficial method of measurement, summer is here in the Northern Hemisphere. And to salute the return of hot (or hotter—hi Phoenix) weather, here are some articles to help you dress, eat, and date better this year.

Dress Up (or Down) for the Weather

There’s nothing like grabbing that old favorite t-shirt (just a few little holes), the calf-length jean shorts and a pair of flip-flops and hitting the bars with the guys, right? Funny how the women you meet all seem to have a phone number of 555-1212, huh?

Board Shorts to Speedos: What to Wear When is your bible for summer shorts. If you don’t see them on this list, you probably don’t want to wear them.
Flip-Flops to Boat Shoes: Summer Footwear addresses the cornucopia of light and cool (in more ways than one) footwear available for summer.
Summer Suits: If New Yorkers Can Do It… want to do it up right for work, or senior photo day? Here are a few tips.

Grillin’ and Chillin’

Is that lighter fluid I smell? If so, why? Get yourself a damn charcoal chimney already, and then make sure you’re using the grill right, and complementing your meat with a tasty, healthy, cool salad.

Summer Salads: Real Men Blah, Blah, Blah has three important tips for a salad even a carnivore can enjoy, and some great recipe links.
101 Reasons That Salads Are Awesome reminds you that you aren’t restricted to opening a bag and dousing the contents in ranch dressing. With a few veggies and a few ready staples you can be the hit of the BBQ party with a great salad no one’s tasted before.
Man Skills: Grill a Perfect Steak should be self-explanatory. If you haven’t read this yet, you don’t like meat.

Summer Survival

It’s not all fun and games when the weather gets hot. Keep yourself safe and healthy, and live to skinny-dip another day.

How to Hydrate is the complete why and how of keeping your body moist on the inside, because by the time you get thirsty you’re already late on the hydration train.
How to Perform 14 Basic Skills, Part 2 includes “Learn the Breaststroke,” and advice to help you learn how to swim. This is a basic survival skill everyone should know.

Look Great

You want that beach body? Well, time’s a-wastin’. If you haven’t already subscribed to receive your free Starter Workout, you can find some basic help here:

A Simple Starter Workout is the original workout plan I happen to be using again right now to get into fighting trim. You can too.
No-Weights Workout offers some easy moves you can do outside. Just don’t hog the kids’ jungle gym for too long, okay?

Get a Date

Yes, the ladies seem to look even prettier in their summer clothes. No, it’s no more difficult to talk to them than it was when they looked like Eskimos. If you’re not using my online dating book (available free), at least forearm yourself with a few tips.

What Do You Say to a Girl? You’re walking on the beach with a buddy, and the girl of your dreams is coming right toward you. Do you start with a firm, “Hi,” and then confidently move on to an intriguing question for her, or devolve into a puddle of jelly? I can help you there.

The National Pastime

If you’re absolutely stuck for something to do, and living in America, there’s probably a ballpark five minutes away. And whether you want to go nuts for your favorite player or kick back in the sun with a brew and some conversation (not too loud), the ballyard is an excellent place to do it.

Take Yourself Out to the Ballgame will help you if you decide only the big-leagues will do (try Triple-A instead, trust me) you can navigate the minefield of consumerism that is a major league ballpark with your credit rating intact.

Whatever you do this summer, be safe, calm and confident. Have fun out there.

Better Life Through Infographics

Michael — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 19:07:24 +0000

Infographics are everywhere, and people eat them up because they’re concise and include pictures, and some of us simply don’t like to read too many words.

In that spirit, I’m presenting two infographics: one with some great tips for your work and life, and another just for fun.

How to Be More Likable

The first is a promo for Guy Kawasaki’s new book, Enchantment. It’s a graphic titled “How to Increase Your Likability,” and although the tips are presented as business tactics, they can help you make friends and even date better. Every single tip here is solid, and if you’re not doing this stuff now, you have no excuse not to start.

All Hail the ‘Stache

The second of our infographics is pure fun…unless you’re serious about your mustache. “Mo Facts” is a collection of stats (unsourced) and opinion on the growing, maintenance and look of those men who choose to keep a hirsute upper lip. (The one about the 1971 Oakland A’s is true. I saw Rollie Fingers in the stands at an A’s game and he still has his handlebar ‘stache.)

There you have it, graphic fans!

How to Increase Your Likability [Guy Kawasaki]

Mo Data: The Everyguyed Guide to the Stache [Everyguyed]

Man Skills: Grill a Perfect Steak

Michael — Sat, 28 May 2011 01:33:00 +0000

One for me, and one for me. (Photo by BuBBy)

The American Memorial Day weekend is the traditional start to the summer, and men everywhere are dragging out the grill and stocking up on thick T-bone steaks. The sad fact is that the vast majority of those incredible slabs of meat will turn out dry and lacking in flavor.

Grilling a tasty, healthy steak is one of the Man Skills I’ve written about before. With a little care and preparation, you can enjoy the best steak you’ve ever had.

Buy the Best Cut

There’s a lot of confusion over just which cuts of beef are best for grilling. Some say tenderloin and filet mignon are best, but the fact is that while they’re the most tender cuts on the cow, they’re not the most flavorful. Others will direct you to the cheaper cuts, like flank or hanger. However, your tradeoff for flavor is tenderness, and you’ll have to marinate them and make sure not to cook them past medium rare for best chewability.

The cut with the single best balance of tenderness and flavor is the ribeye. However, a marbling of fat goes with that, so make sure you eat it on your cheat day. The ribeye is also the most expensive cut on the cow. If cost or fat content is a factor, grab yourself a nice top sirloin. Once again, you’ll want to cook a sirloin fairly rare, but it’s flavorful and inexpensive. In the middle between the two is the New York cut, with the marbling of a loin steak (it’s from the loin) and a little more flavor.

Pick up your steak at least a day or two before you’re going to grill it. Buy your steak freshly cut from a butcher and not in the Styrofoam packages at the supermarket. Your cut will ideally will have a ring of fat around the edge (trim it off when the steak is ready to eat – it helps hold the juices in when cooking). Get yourself grass-fed beef if possible—it’s healthier and tastier than feed-lot beef and the cow had a better life too.

The best thickness for grilling is between 1 and 1-1/2 inches. Steaks that are too thick may require oven-baking after you sear them on the grill, unless you like them rare.

Prep the Meat

No matter what cut you buy, it’ll taste better with a little forethought. A few simple steps can make or break your steak:

When you get the meat home, take it out of the butcher paper and put it in the fridge, on a plate and wrapped in a paper towel to draw moisture out of the meat. You can do this for up to four days before grilling—change the paper towel if it gets too bloody.
Take the meat out of the fridge at least 30 minutes before you put it on the grill. The closer it is to room temperature, the better it will cook.
Use a simple rub to season your steak. Coat your steak in just enough oil so the ingredients stick (any oil with a high “smoke point” will do: vegetable, seed, light olive oil—extra-virgin smokes too soon), then rub some sea salt and fresh ground pepper into the meat. I use a little cayenne myself to give it a slight kick.
Get that grill hot! The goal is to sear the steak as quickly as possible to lock in the juices, and the hotter the grill, the better it will sear.

The great gas vs. charcoal debate is really not that big an element in the flavor of the meat. Instead, let your pocketbook and ability to keep the grill clean determine your tool of choice. That said, charcoal grills can get hotter than gas, so if you’re torn, that’s the single best reason to go with charcoal.

Finally, the Grill

Now you’re ready to cook the thing. Believe it or not, you’ve reached the easiest part of the whole production.

Put the steak on the hot grill.
Now leave it alone. No poking, prodding, checking the grill lines on the bottom, and never, ever, cut into the steak to check the color.
After 4 to 5 minutes, turn it over with tongs or a spatula, not that giant sharp fork that came with the grill.
Continue to leave it alone, about 4-5 minutes for rare, 6-8 minutes for medium-rare, and 10 minutes for medium. Grills can vary—this is a good reason to practice!
Instead of cutting the meat, check it for doneness with your finger. The more thoroughly cooked the meat, the firmer it will be.
Remove the steak from the grill and put it in aluminum foil to rest for 5-10 minutes. Guard it, and explain to your hungry friends that it’s for their own good. If you cut into a steak before it has properly rested, its juices (and flavor) will run out all over the plate and all your careful preparation will be ruined.

There are a world of steak cuts and different rubs and marinades you can use. Experiment and practice. If you master the art of preparing the perfect steak, you’ll soon find no summer weekend will go by without an invite to a barbecue. (Don’t forget a cool, healthy salad!)

The Free Guide to Online Dating E-book

Michael — Fri, 06 May 2011 10:30:41 +0000

Update: The Tao of Bachelorhood Guide to Online Dating, revised and formatted for the Kindle, is now available on Amazon.com. Other versions to come. For a limited time it’s only $1.99!

Online dating is a great way to meet a variety of women you’d never find in other ways. It’s even better (and much less time consuming) when you know how to do it right. To help out, I’ve written a series of posts on the subject, but now I’ve revised and collected them in one place: the Tao of Bachelorhood Guide to Online Dating e-book.

In this book, I guide you from the first step to the last:

How to select the best online dating site
Which questions to answer and which to leave blank
Tips for creating a profile that will make women come to you
Where and how to pose in your profile photos
Which women are most likely to respond and which are “players”
How to craft an e-mail message that will ensure a response
When to ask for the real-life meeting, and where to do it

This advice comes not only from my years of past success in online dating, but also from surveys and scientific measurement of millions of online daters and profiles.

How Much Would You Pay?

Online dating books and courses can run you anywhere from $20 to $100 and up. I seriously considered charging for this e-book, but then I had a better idea…

I’m giving it away free. Gratis. No charge.

Right now, the Tao of Bachelorhood Guide to Online Dating is yours for simply subscribing to the Tao of Bachelorhood. Just click here or enter your e-mail in the top right corner of this very page, and you’ll have instant access to the book. You’ll also get two other valuable bonuses: the legendary Simple Starter Workout, and by popular demand, The Single Man’s Grocery List.

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This Won’t Last

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The Carrot or the Stick?

Michael — Thu, 05 May 2011 20:38:40 +0000

The garlic for lunch was a nice touch.

A friend on Facebook has been posting about the new “boot camp” exercise class he’s joined. It’s led by a former military officer, who barks out drill-sergeant-like orders and gets into the faces of those lagging behind. It’s amazing how many people can squeeze out one or two extra push-ups when someone is standing over them demanding it.

But not all of our mutual friends agree. A comment from one of his posts went something along the lines of, “not if it was the last workout class on Earth!” Others mentioned their favorite classes: the traditional kind, with the dude or chick who manages to keep smiling for a solid hour, periodically offering positive affirmations: “Just one more!” “You can do it!” “Awesome! And again…”

People have different learning styles. Some need the Carrot, and some need the Stick.

The Carrot method is the one we see most of the time: an instructor leads you gently through the program, stopping to tell you how easy it is, how well you’re doing, and making sure no one is left behind by gently helping those laggards. The downside of the Carrot is that it doesn’t offer much in the way of rigid leadership: it’s up to you to push yourself.

The Stick involves tough love: You’re given instructions, then expected to get ‘er done with the instructor breathing down your neck. God forbid you fall behind, because the instructor will make an example of you. If you’re embarrassed easily or prone to resent taking orders, the Stick may not be for you, but if you want structure, this is where you need to be.

In objective terms, the Carrot expects that people need support and assistance, and the Stick expects that you’re a damned grownup.

What You Want vs. What You Need

A few years ago I took salsa lessons (the dance, not the condiment). The instructor was a guy who used both the Carrot and the Stick: the Carrot was for the women, and the Stick for the men. If a guy screwed up a move, it wasn’t below the instructor to mock him, but he’d always refer to a woman by name and come over and gently lead her through a move she was getting wrong.

Sounds a little unfair, right? Well, it worked.

Many men seem to need structure in their learning, and a negative consequence to a bad habit. Of course, we also need to know what the good habit is. It’s just that sometimes, even though we know what the good habit is, we’re more comfortable with the bad habit. Or we think we’re practicing the good habit when in reality we’re half-assing it and calling it good.

My learning style is somewhat that of the Carrot: I absorb much better when there’s an explanation. The “why” is as important as the “what.” However, I’m sometimes prone to spend too much time gathering information: the “paralysis of analysis.” Therefore, a little boot to the rear at the end is ideal to get me moving on a project.

What I’m Getting At

Your learning style is important to know. If you don’t understand what you need in order to not only absorb information but also to act on that information, you’ll do what millions of people do now: read book after book, take class after class, and never actually use that information to enrich their lives.

I want you to think back on the most successful classes you’ve taken, the books or sites you’ve read that actually resulted in positive life changes, and the people in your life who have inspired you to take definitive action. Things that snapped you out of your comfort zone and showed you that you can accomplish more than you thought. Perhaps it’s something bad that happened to you, that snapped you out of a bad habit.

Write down what was most effective. Obviously, if it was a death in the family or a dismal medical diagnosis, you don’t want to replicate it, but you can extract what it was about the event that changed your habits (realizing that life is short, for example, or seeing the results of smoking).

Then seek to learn that way. If you need information, find one or two of the most highly recommended sources and get that information. If you need accountability or direct guidance, find a coach, trainer or mastermind group. If you need inspiration, go get it: help at a soup kitchen or elderly care facility. Keep a journal and stay in touch with yourself during this process.

Put yourself in the best situation to succeed on your terms. Just be aware of what those terms are.

So, what’s your learning style? What or who have you learned the most from?

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