Tao of Bachelorhood | Men's Lifestyle

The Three Elements of Manhood (The New Man Manifesto, Part 2)

Michael — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 13:44:47 +0000

Not a fortune; a statement of fact.

In the first part of The New Man Manifesto, we discussed the most basic building block of manliness: habits. Your habits define who you are, and if you don’t like who you are or the life you’re living, changing it is best done one habit at a time.

But what are the habits that set you apart as a great man, or at least a good man?

Most men’s magazines define manhood in materialistic terms: money, sex, power. However, chasing any of those as a “solution” is a fool’s game, and the news headlines are full of men who based their lives on the pursuit of one or more to the point where it cost them more than they gained. Money, sex and power do make for very easy articles to write, and a lot of guys are easily distracted by fancy cars or women in bikinis, so I understand why the “lad mags” promote them.

I tend to side with the philosophers, from Socrates to Richard Layard, who agree that beyond the necessities, owning things isn’t what makes people happy. Manhood, as much as we’d like it to be a goal-oriented achievement we can sketch out like a business plan, derives from within, much like happiness.

And success, as much as we’d like to define it as adulation and wealth, is probably more tied up in what we can do for others—how we use our gift. What we leave behind, not just after we’re dead, but after we’ve left the room. Success is how you feel about what you’ve just done, whether it’s an account-winning business presentation or saying “good morning” to your neighbor.

The other piece of the puzzle is the fact that we’ve got to deal with the customs and expectations of our society, as well as the realities of basic life. You’re expected to pull your weight in some way. You’re not awarded a woman as a birthright; you’re expected to attract one. Ideally you have a circle of male friends—of course, you can have female friends as well, but if you can’t make friends with other men, something’s out of whack.

The Three Elements

A “classic” successful man—one admired by other men and valued by women—can be deconstructed into three loosely defined elements:

Leadership
Relationships
Life Maintenance

Each of these elements overlaps the others, and if you excel in one you’re more likely to excel in the others as well. Each element encompasses a series of habits that you can adopt, change or drop. You don’t have to be an “alpha male” in any element to be happy or successful; you merely have to demonstrate that you have these elements within you.

All you need to know is which habits you need to be successful in each element, and as they say in Britain, Bob’s your uncle.

However, no exact set of habits is going to make you successful or happy, no matter what TV or magazines may tell you. That’s both good and bad news. Bad because you can’t simply string together the “right” habits to get any job or seduce any woman; good because it leaves you room to be an individual instead of a men’s-magazine stereotype.

Instead, these habits act as both social cues to others and affirmations to yourself. When you feel good about yourself, you’ll be more confident and adventurous, enhancing your social cues, which gets you positive feedback from the people you interact with, which in turn makes you feel even better about yourself. It’s a virtuous cycle that improves every area of your life.

How Did You Get Here?

Most men don’t even realize when they start sliding downhill. It’s happened to me, and probably happened to you: one day you look in the mirror and wonder where things went awry. Where they went awry was when you changed one habit for the worse, and that habit begat another bad habit, and before you knew it habits were falling like dominoes.

For example, there’s the classic “my girlfriend/wife broke up with me” scenario: you feel down because you didn’t want to be single, so you drop your workouts for a while and spend your days reading “How to Get My Ex Back” e-books that don’t work. Then you gain some weight, and when you do end up in a situation where you can meet a woman, you’re overweight, feel bad about yourself and fixated on your ex. You get the inevitable rejection due to your negative social cues, so you feel worse, stop shaving or cleaning your house, start playing videogames or going to strip clubs, maybe your work performance suffers…you get the picture.

But whether you’ve hit rock bottom or just want to improve one part of your life, the same advice applies: one habit, then another, then another. Live with each one. Embrace it, obsess over it. Once it’s second nature, move forward.

Which habit do you start with? The real answer is any habit, as long as it’s a positive one. Some habits’ success depends on others—don’t go out meeting women cold if you haven’t built some confidence first. Start with some low-hanging fruit that’s easy to accomplish and guaranteed to boost your confidence. For example, dressing in clean clothes is a safe habit to adopt; not many businesses or people will reject you because you washed and ironed your shirt last night.

Habits Are For the Long Haul

A less obvious example would be giving without expectations. For example, offering to pay the check on the first date. It’s a safe habit to adopt because the vast majority of women appreciate the gesture (societal cue), and when your date does prefer to “go Dutch,” you’ll almost never be penalized for making the offer. While you’ll find men and women who adamantly insist that you should never have to pay the whole check, the reality is that the gesture is subconsciously appreciated nevertheless.

This habit demonstrates leadership (by demonstrating you’re not sitting around waiting to negotiate payment, and that you can afford to take her to the place you decided to take her) and competence in relationships (through a “provider” social cue; whether or not she needs or wants a man to be a provider, she subconsciously prefers a man to show he can be).

But what if your date never returns your calls after that night? Doesn’t this habit hurt you when that happens?

This is where you have to realize why you adopt a habit. You’re not offering to pay for the date in order to buy affection. If she doesn’t return your calls afterward, It’s her loss, not yours.

This kind of habit is about you treating others as you would love to be treated yourself, screw the immediate results. Habits are for the long haul. (Another habit to adopt: never take a first date out for an expensive evening. Not for this specific reason, although as a side effect it will minimize the cost.)

Right-Sizing Your Goals

Because we’re using little habits to improve the bigger picture, it might help if you define success for you by setting some goals, both large and small.

You probably already have a larger goal or two, but if not, how about one of these:

Have a job doing something you don’t hate and preferably uses your gift.
Meet enough women that you can find one who makes you happy.
Have a circle of friends who respect you.
Enjoy something about your daily life.

These are all goals that enrich both your life and those of others who interact with you.

Once you’ve decided on the big picture, step back and pick something very small you want to achieve. Very small. Not “lose 20 pounds.” More like “visit the gym and ask about a free trial,” “buy only fresh foods at the store tonight” or “buy workout clothes.” From there you can build your fitness habits. You won’t lose a pound until you first make an exercise or diet plan, so focus on the exercise and diet plan.

Small, short-haul habits for long-haul goals.

Next we’ll look at some of the habits and social cues that make up the first element of manhood: leadership. They don’t all involve spending money, but some may involve pretty basic changes.

No related posts.

How to Make a Perfect Cup of Coffee

Michael — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 00:50:26 +0000

According to the Harvard Medical School, coffee can lower your risk of cancer, diabetes and Parkinson’s Disease.

According to me, it’s a morning ritual that can help you reflect on the day to come, and it tastes incredible—that is, when you combine the beans and water just right.

I’ve consumed buckets of coffee made with different methods, from French press to espresso to Denny’s drip to the massively overpriced (sorry) single-cup “pod” coffeemakers, and if that doesn’t make me an expert, I don’t know what does. My current go-to method of starting my day is also my favorite: the humble pour-over.

In the very first Tao of Bachelorhood video (be gentle with me), I demonstrate the method for creating the perfect cup:

Here’s how to get that elusive perfect cup:

Start with cold, fresh water, filtered if you live in an area without naturally clean water. Bring it to a boil.
Use whole beans and a grinder, which offer far more flavor than a pre-ground bag of coffee. (And if you’re using a plastic tub of Maxwell House…why?)
Place the filter basket on top of your mug and insert a #4 Melitta filter in the basket.
Start with a heaping teaspoon of whole beans for every cup of water. (Most mugs will require at least two scoops.)
Around the time your water is ready to boil, grind your beans and pour them into the filter. The finer you grind, the stronger your coffee will be.
With your water just off the boil (around 190-200 degrees F), fill the filter up as high as you can (without overflowing your cup).
Stir! Keep stirring until about 2/3 of the water has run into your cup.
Wait!
When the filter is completely drained, remove it and drink up!

You may need to adjust the roast, brand and amount of coffee, the coarseness of grind and the water temperature, but with some fine tuning I think you’ll agree this is the best way to get a consistently delicious, rich cup of coffee. You may even become a coffee snob yourself.

How to Make a Perfect Cup of Coffee [YouTube]

How to Drink Tea (Like a Goddamn Gentleman)

Guest Author — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 13:36:35 +0000

"Gimme a tea, you bastard. Please."

(This is a guest post by Kole McRae of Chilled Soda. If you’re interested in guest posting at Tao of Bachelorhood, you can find out more here.)

You are a gentleman. I am dubbing you one and you are going to learn to drink tea like one. This is important and is a skill that you will use for the rest of your life (if you know what’s good for you).

The art of drinking tea (like a goddamn gentleman) has been around for thousands of years. Ancient British and Chinese cultures had complex and sometimes beautiful rituals around the tea serving process. These rituals have changed over the years but many of the basics have remained exactly the same.

These rituals weren’t made up just for the hell of it. Who would go through all that crap just for tea? Hell, you could just buy some from the guy at ye olde Starbucks.

They created these rituals as a form of meditation and relaxation. The tea ceremony helped people clear their mind, relax, reduce stress and generally figure things out. Other forms of meditation include chanting, dancing or even counting to ten, but this form actually produces something delicious.

So I am going to teach you these basics.

Why? Because it will impress women, impress your boss and get some culture into your head.

There are two kinds of tea drunk around the world: bagged and loose-leaf. The instructions I shall bequeath upon you will work fine for both. I’ll make amendments where necessary. You should use loose leaf though…seriously.

Loose leaf tea has a slew of benefits. It can be reused multiple times, it tastes about 400,000,000 times better and the price really isn’t that much higher. Not to mention it just screams sophistication when you open a drawer to make tea and pull out tins of dried leaves imported from around the world…versus opening a box of Tetley.

Back to my lesson:

First, get out your ceramic teapot. Metal teapots will not do. Seriously, metal changes the taste, get a nice ceramic one. This teapot is never to be washed with soap. You may clean it after use with hot water and hot water alone. Take some boiling water and pour it into the teapot, swirl it around a bit. Think you’re done? Swirl it a bit more to be sure. Now you’re done.

Next, take some pure, cold water and bring it to boil in a tea kettle, saucepan…any way you wish. Before it boils—like, a few seconds before that water starts to fully boil, take it off the stove and pour it into the teapot.

This is not tea yet. Do not drink it.

For each person who is joining you in this tea adventure, put one spoonful of tea leaves into the pot and then add one more “for the pot.” If you’re using tea bags, just use one tea bag per person and one extra for the pot. But why the hell would you use tea bags? Are you some kind of animal?

Let it sit for six minutes. It is now tea. The tea leaves should have settled, but tip the tea pot gently as you pour to make sure they stay at the bottom.

Pour the newly made tea first into your friends’ cups, and then into yours. It is customary to do it in a clockwise direction starting immediately to your left. You must be using tea cups, not mugs. You may then add milk and sugar to taste, although why you would do such a thing to the beauty of tea (tarnishing it with your wicked milk) is beyond me.

You absolutely must serve biscuits at this point. If you don’t, you are liable to be shot on sight.

Play some jazz or classical music and enjoy.

Kole McRae is the writer behind Chilled Soda, a site devoted to the chill things in life.

No related posts.

A “New Man” Manifesto

Michael — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 13:28:15 +0000

He cleaned up well, too.

(Caution: frank talk ahead, with naughty words. Proceed only if you can handle it.)

What makes you a man?

I mean besides your penis.

I get kind of tired of seeing “expert” after “expert” (anyone can be an expert these days) try and lecture us on becoming a “modern” or “new” man. The fact is, the essence of manhood hasn’t changed, isn’t changing and will not change anytime soon, no matter how many pop psychologists want it to.

Don’t misinterpret that as suggesting that a man can’t be a teacher or a nurse, can’t raise a child, or can’t express feelings. These things are neither manly nor un-manly, and anyone who tells you a man has to somehow change to do them is full of shit.

Then there’s the other side: the (usually) guys whose only advice is to “man up.” If you were to break your leg, those same guys would tell you to “walk it off, you pansy.” It’s shotgun advice that in and of itself means nothing. Usually it’s code for doing things the laziest way possible. Well, you’re not an ape or a lion, you make choices based on some amount of self-aware, conscious thought. We’re socialized creatures who have evolved out of using genetic instinct to solve problems and decide courses of action. Thinking is not only allowed, it’s necessary.

So just what does it mean to be a man in the modern world? Get comfy…

You Are Your Habits

Life is a series of small habits that add up to who we are. What we do and how we do it. The way we eat. The way we shake hands. The way we behave when we meet a beautiful woman. How we choose to spend our free time. The way we act in public, and the way we act when no one’s watching.

All of these habits, put together, are you. They’re me. They make us leaders or lovers or loners.

Habits make the man.

The problem with habits is that right or wrong, we prefer the ones we already have, because they’re far, far more comfortable to us than the ones we don’t have. Even the bad habits. In fact, bad habits are often harder to change because we developed them to give us comfort. We eat bad food because the way it tastes is comfortable to us. We watch porn because it makes us feel like we have a sex life. We sit and play video games because then we don’t have to think about what’s troubling us.

Bad habits create inertia, or worse, they move us backward, make us less likely to build relationships, make us unhealthy, or harm our careers. Small habits, like deflecting criticism or grabbing a donut before work or staring just a second too long when a cute woman enters the room, they all add up.

Often, when you think you’re standing still, you’re actually moving backwards. Repeating habits and behaviors that haven’t produced positive results, but expecting things to be different this time—or worse, just shrugging and saying to yourself, “what the hell”—keeps you down more than any outside force you can imagine.

The reality is that to make your life better you must move forward.

The secret is that you don’t have to do it big or do it quickly.

Leo Babauta, author of Zen Habits, wrote about something he calls the “half-step.” It’s the act of pausing, then acting by doing something very, very small, but very, very positive. Your house is a pig sty—do a load of laundry. Your job feels like a dead end—make a list of jobs you really want to do. You’re overweight—take a walk. Then make sure you congratulate yourself on that half-step.

All you need now is a direction to take that half-step in.

Like Steve McQueen

Why am I going on about this?

Well, it’s been a long time since I thought about what I’m doing here at Tao of Bachelorhood. I started this site with the mission to build a better bachelor. I also wanted to avoid the crap other men’s sites do: what sells rather than what helps you. “Tao” roughly means “The Way,” and this site is about helping you find your way.

Shiny cars or expensive watches don’t make the man. Put Steve McQueen in a Ferrari and he’s a badass who knows how to handle the car so well he drove it in professional races. The car didn’t define him, he defined himself. But put a stock advisor in a Ferrari that he only drives around town, and it’s clear he owns the car to define himself.

Steve McQueen wasn’t perfect by any means, but he knew a positive habit from a bad one. Studio executives used to be confused when he’d demand hundreds of pairs of jeans or razors in his contracts. They later discovered that he asked for he items to donate to the reform school he attended as a youth. He learned how to fly a plane and ride a dirt bike. Celebrity didn’t mean holing up in his house. He found his path and he made the most of it.

You need to find the path that will define your life as you want it to be. Not the way it’s shaped by others, not the way it looks in TV commercials. The path that, like Steve McQueen, will make you a singular man.

That’s why I’m here. To share small habits. Good habits. Habits you can put together in a way that shapes your life. Everything from meditation to clothing style to what to say to a woman to how to make a kick-ass cup of joe (that last one coming soon). Because meditating can better focus your mind, your clothes can reflect your personality, talking to women can help you meet that woman you “just click with,” and a great cup of joe can make you feel more ready to take on your day.

I’m not here to pass judgement on who’s a “toolbag” or which TV actress is hotter. It’s not my thing, and I gladly leave that to the guys who really want to do it. There’s plenty of them. My business is habits.

Help Me to Help You

I have a long list of habits to help you with. Actually, I have a long list of habits to help myself with, and share with you as well. I’m also going to enlist others who want to share theirs. (Plug here for the Guest Posting page.)

One of the personal habits I’m working on is asking for help. What I need is for you to let me know what you need help with. What do you seek? What are the bad habits you want to change? What are the good habits you want to learn?

I want to help make you a better man.

Scratch that—I want to help make you the best man.

Believe it or not, this is only Part 1. Next time we’ll discuss the Elements of Manhood: the combinations of habits that define you.

No related posts.

Get Your Online Dating Guide…Before It’s Gone!

Michael — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 04:46:33 +0000

Update 2/1/12: You can now pick up the Tao of Bachelorhood Guide to Online Dating at Amazon.com formatted for the Kindle. Right now it’s only $1.99—mere pocket change!.)

One of the three bonuses you get when you subscribe to the Tao of Bachelorhood is the Guide to Online Dating, a 30-page book that leads you through the online dating process:

Find the best site for you
Set up the perfect profile
Write your bio for maximum attraction
Put your best photo forward
Find the women most likely to have “live” profiles
Send a message that practically forces her to respond
Get to the real date quickly

But I’m not here to hype the book—I’m here to let you know it won’t be free much longer. Well, that’s not exactly true: you can always come here and read the original series it’s based on.

The ebook version, however, will be moving to Amazon.com, where you’ll be able to buy an updated Kindle version for a really nominal price (that means cheap). I’ll be looking at an Apple iBooks version as well.

For the next few days, though, you can still grab the Tao of Bachelorhood Guide to Online Dating, as well as the Simple Starter Workout and Single Man’s Shopping List, for zero dollars when you subscribe. Either use the form over there at the right, or if you need more hype, here’s more reasons to sign up.

New Year’s Resolution? Do It Right.

Michael — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 09:20:53 +0000

This year I resolve not to blow up the damn bridge. Again.

If you recall, last year I suggested that instead of a new year’s resolution you consider adopting a motto for the new year. It’s low pressure and gives you a daily mantra that you can live by no matter what happens. It’s good advice and I stand by it.

However, I understand that there are those of you will ignore that advice and solemnly resolve to make a change next year. You may decide it’s high time you quit smoking. That’s terrific. Perhaps you took a look in the mirror and resolved to do something about that spare tire or those toothpick arms. Admirable. Cut out excess drinking (right after the midnight toast)? You should.

Whatever your big plan for January and beyond, I want you to succeed. And while you’ve already shown yourself to be someone who doesn’t take my advice (see first paragraph), I’m here to give you some more.

Don’t Plunge

The first resolution-related thing you should do is step back and really make this count. Don’t just show up at the gym and start randomly lifting weights if you resolved to get fit, or open Monster.com in a furtive attempt to fulfill that “improve your career” vow. It’s been proven that for most people, diving headlong into that resolution dooms it to failure. Need proof? My neighborhood gym is packed every January and empty by October. Case closed.

So sit down on January 1 with a sheet of paper and a pen, and make a plan.

Start with your goal. You’re probably expecting to see “an achievable goal” here, but that’s not what I’m gonna tell you. In fact, make that goal as big as you want it. The sky’s the limit. Buff and cut by June? Cold turkey smokeless? Hang gliding, skydiving and white-water kyaking solo by the end of the summer? In a band with an indie single for the next Xmas season? Fine, as long as you take the next step…

Break It Down

Now take that goal and figure out what you need to achieve it. The first step is to write down exactly what “success” consists of. “Cut and buff” should turn into a percentage of body fat and inches of muscle. “Cold turkey smokeless” should include what you’ll be doing to combat cravings safely. “Improve my career” should include the exact position you seek. Imagining that success is a powerful way to stay on track.

Once you know what success is, start penciling in the steps to get there. Look up the courses you’ll need for the skills that the career requires, and methods to obtain experience. Look up adventure sports instructors and find out how many lessons and how many hours you’ll need before you can go solo (or find out if you shouldn’t). Have someone to call if the nicotine fits or urge to have a drink gets too great, and strategies for avoiding the situations where you smoked or drank in the past. Create a workout and eating plan (have I mentioned yet that I’ve just created something that can help?).

Plan out your months, then your weeks, then if necessary your days. Know what you’re going to do tomorrow, and the day after that and the day after that. Your plan should also contain your plans after you achieve your success, because anything great enough to resolve to do should also be great enough to use as impetus for the next goal.

Don’t Let Your Resolution Rule Your Life

The last piece of advice I’ll give you is the most important: don’t devote every waking hour to your resolution. Give it time to breathe, and yourself time to live the other parts of your life. For most of us, total immersion in our pursuit of a goal will make us either overly frustrated at setbacks or simply burned out on the whole resolution thing.

Instead, make it about small achievements. Take just one class to begin with, or go shopping for the healthy food you’re going to eat this week, or take five minutes to celebrate another day without a cigarette.

When you suffer a setback—and most of us will—your plan should help you handle it. When you know what success is, and when your resolution doesn’t rule your life, it’s easier to get back on track. Look at your plan, find the next step, and continue on your path.

After writing all this, I’ve figured out what my biggest problem is with new year’s resolutions—you should have goals, and the plans to go with them, throughout the year. The changing of the calendar shouldn’t be required. Whether you’re reading this on January 5th, or July 18th, or November 3rd, and you have something you really want, go ahead and make it your January 5th resolution or July 18th resolution or Novem…you get the picture. Pull out that sheet of paper and get started now.

That way, you can just go ahead and adopt a motto at New Year’s, and everyone wins.

7 Ways to Change Your Life Today

Michael — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 12:59:22 +0000

Elevate yourself.

Are you stuck? Do you come home after work and fire up the PlayStation or Facebook and fritter away your evening? Do you dread getting up in the morning? Are your weekends all the same? Do you eat the same food, drink the same beverages and watch the same shows? Do you see people on TV living lives you think you want, but you do little more than daydream about it?

Are you happy with that?

I didn’t think so.

Well, your time has come, my friend. You’re going to get your life into a forward gear, and you’re going to start today. Each of the items below can change an aspect of your life that might have stagnated and held you back. And each one requires just one small step to get started. The less thinking you do before taking that step, the better. After you’ve set the wheels in motion, you’ll find yourself in a new life adventure.

1. Buy an airline ticket.

There’s nothing that can open your eyes like traveling to a place you’ve never been before. If you’ve never been out of the country and you can afford it, go to another country. If you’ve only traveled to Western countries, go East. And if you’re on a limited budget, find a city—or better (and cheaper) yet, an out-of-the-way town or national park—that’s unfamiliar to you yet within your means. Just head over to Priceline or Hotwire and get started.

2. Register for a class or lessons.

Everyone has a skill, sport or profession he’s wanted to try. So try it! Whatever your heart desires: skiing, windsurfing, standup comedy, guitar, novel writing, business management, cooking…anything you want to learn, there’s someone out there who wants to teach it to you. Your city parks or the local YMCA offer sports and swim classes. Local community colleges offer classes in a huge range of subjects, including evening classes.

3. Go to the store and buy only fresh food.

If dinner involves removing a box from the freezer or making a phone call, it’s time to change. The stuff in frozen dinners and fast food isn’t doing your health any favors, so give your body the stuff it craves: real food. Make a list (or get yourself a pre-printed Single Man’s Grocery List by subscribing to the Tao of Bachelorhood) and head over to the store. Buy a week’s worth of meats, vegetables, fruit and whole grains and make yourself some tasty meals in less time than you’d think. Stuck for inspiration? Grab a cookbook by Alton Brown (the man’s man of cookery) or Jamie Oliver.

4. Say hello to one woman per day.

What do you say to a woman? Try “Hi.” Say it as you walk by a woman on the street. Say it as you walk by a woman’s table at a coffee shop. Say it when you make eye contact with a cashier (they get paid to let you say hi to them!). How do you do this without being creepy? Walk with good posture, head up, paying attention to the world around you. Don’t stare at her as you approach. Just glance, and if she isn’t looking, glance back again a few seconds later. As you catch her eye, smile, say “Hi,” and keep walking. You don’t have to say anything else…unless she stops to talk you, that is.

5. Apply for a job.

Ever catch yourself pining for your dream job? Well, stop pining and start going for it. Fire up the Interweb and look for something you’re interested in, and apply. Do it right, with a resume and cover letter. Find out the hiring manager’s name if you can and send your application directly to them: relying on the “Apply” button at Monster is like putting a Match.com ad up without a photo—you shouldn’t expect a single bite. If you’re currently working, make sure you let the hiring manager know so they won’t contact your boss. Get that resume updated and fire up Indeed.

6. Start an exercise plan.

If you’re not exercising in some way, your life is going downhill, guaranteed. We were made to walk, run, lift, pull and push things to keep our muscles in tone and our innards in balance. Now’s the time to get things moving in a positive direction, and all you’ve got to do is decide what to do. It can be as simple as writing on your calendar what you’re going to do for exercise each day. Walk a mile, do 30 burpees, swim 10 laps, spend a half-hour at the gym—start at a level where you’re comfortable. If you’re looking for a gym program, might I suggest the Simple Starter Workout?

7. Fill a box for Goodwill.

If you’re like most of us, you’ve got a lot of “things.” In fact, you’ve probably got a lot of things you don’t really need, or things you don’t even really want anymore. Here’s your chance to start the decluttering process. Grab a good-sized box, at least the size of a standard moving box, fill it with things you don’t need, and take the box to your local Goodwill or Salvation Army or other charity. Don’t be concerned about the value or whether you plan to put it on Ebay one day when you have the time (you’ve been putting it off too long). You’ll get a tax deduction that covers the resale value of the items, and the good feeling that you’re helping others in need. And if it felt really good, fill another box. And another. Look for every opportunity to get your stuff to a manageable level. Maybe even take the 100 Thing Challenge.

These are all small steps to bigger things. Take one and follow it. If you find you’re craving more exotic adventure, or feeling healthier, or behaving more socially and with less fear of women, I’ve done my job here. Let me know how you fare.

Lessons from Steve Jobs

Michael — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 02:28:21 +0000

Steve Jobs, proud papa of the iPad.

Today was a sad, although not unanticipated, day for anyone appreciative of technology and its role in our lives: Apple Computer founder Steve Jobs has resigned as CEO:

“I have always said if there ever came a day when I could no longer meet my duties and expectations as Apple’s CEO, I would be the first to let you know. Unfortunately, that day has come.”

You don’t need me to recount the changes in our society Apple has been responsible for. The company revolutionized home computing in the ’80s with the original Mac. After his return in 1997, Jobs and the company he founded simply owned the 2000s, and have moved the world forward immeasurably. From the iMac to the iPod, the iPhone and now the iPad, Apple recognized needs and then filled them in ways most technology companies simply hadn’t thought of (but were always quick to both copy and build on, from Windows to Android).

He made his company’s stock the poster child for coveted investments, and even started a side venture that has created some of the most beloved animated films of all time. He was a workaholic, sent often terse responses to e-mails from customers and may be one of the most famous examples of a control freak since the days of kings and emperors (one former employee quipped, “he’d make an excellent King of France”), but it can’t be denied that he’s a classic alpha male.

What made his time with Apple, and his “side” businesses like NeXT and Pixar, so fruitful?

Passion

Jobs was driven to create the best products he could, taking new technologies and moving them forward. He wanted to ditch “beige boxes,” creating the original iMac, a colorful machine with curved lines and the screen and computer in a single piece. There were MP3 players before the iPod, but none with the same sleek white case (and identifiable white earbuds—you could spot another iPod user a block away) and easy interface for uploading music.

People screamed at first when the iMac appeared with no floppy drive, and when the MacBook Air included no CD/DVD drive. In both cases, Apple dragged us into the future, whether we liked it or not, and today we use thumb drives and the Internet for moving files and installing software. Multitasking and Flash were available for “smart phones” prior to the iPhone, but Jobs felt they caused more problems than they solved, and refused to use either in the early versions of the iPhone.

Other companies tie themselves up in knots with features based on focus groups; Jobs focuses not on what’s wanted, but on what’s needed.

If you’ve ever watched one of his keynotes, you’ve seen his love for his products and company. And you won’t find many CEOs of giant corporations who are nearly as well-versed in the actual use of their products as Jobs has demonstrated in those keynotes. And he returned to give those keynotes with amazing speed after both his treatment for pancreatic cancer and subsequent liver transplant.

And when he was “in exile” from the company he founded, he kept his passion alive, creating a company called NeXT, and developing the operating system that would become Mac OS X. He also bought a hardware company called Pixar and turned them into a computer animation studio with Toy Story.

Delegation

Despite his control-freak nature, Jobs understands he can’t do it all himself. When he returned to Apple, he sought out people who were experts in their field and relied on them for key roles. One of Jobs’ first major hires was Phil Schiller, a marketing executive at Macromedia who actually had a programming background. Jonathan Ive, the man behind the iconic design of most of Apple’s modern products, had considered quitting Apple after the company rejected his designs for a new all-in-one computer. Years later, Jobs returned and used the designs to create the original iMac.

Confidence

Jobs has what may be the most famous compensation agreement in the corporate world, taking a salary of exactly one dollar per year. His financial stake in Apple consists of stock options—just over 10 million shares, granted between 1997 and 2003—that were worth around $20 per share in 2001, the year the iPod was released. As of today those shares are worth $376.18 apiece.

One way to look at it is that Jobs felt that if he couldn’t lift the company out of near-failure, he didn’t deserve to be paid. But the more likely scenario is that Jobs knew what he could do and chose compensation based on that confidence.

Yes, it comes out like arrogance at times, but Jobs has quite literally put his money where his mouth is.

It’s likely that deteriorating health is the reason he’s stepped down as CEO (he’s retaining his position as Chairman, as well as his board position at Disney), so I wish him the best life possible in whatever time he has remaining. The world will miss him.

A small glimpse at what he’s done: here’s the introduction of the iPod, circa 2001.

Lessons from Dennis Hopper

Bacon and Eggs: More Than a Manly Breakfast

Michael — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 21:04:00 +0000

I love breakfast. It used to be that I subscribed to the “healthy breakfast” rules: egg whites or “Egg Beaters,” lean breakfast meat or no meat at all, whole wheat whatever. After all, saturated fats are “artery-clogging,” and whole wheat = fiber, right?

Then I made a change, and I now frequently enjoy a breakfast featuring three whole eggs and two or three strips of bacon. My God, what I was missing.

But why would I do that to myself? Don’t I believe in eating healthy and lean?

Let’s just say I challenged a few assumptions and got educated.

“Unhealthy” Fats

The first hurdle is the one you see in the media every day—the one in that first paragraph. “Artery-clogging saturated fats.” No one seems to even need to change the wording, as if those four words are the required AP style for any mention of saturated fats.

What if I told you that no matter how healthy you eat, you have “artery-clogging” saturated fats coursing through your body right now?

Saturated fats are animal fats. They’re the fats in beef, pork, poultry, fish…and humans. Your spare tire contains saturated fats. Most of your cells, in fact, contain saturated fats. Your body can’t survive without saturated fats.

Here’s the secret the “artery clogging” writers don’t tell you: most saturated fats you consume remain ready to be burned, but your body stores excess carbohydrates as saturated fat. You eat a donut then sit at your desk, that sugar and starch turns to fat, and when you get up and actually do something, that fat gets into your bloodstream. But we don’t call them “artery-clogging carbs,” do we?

And as far as cholesterol, I had mine tested when I was “eating lean,” and again after I began eating bacon and eggs regularly, and the numbers were virtually identical.

You don’t want to be eating bacon all day long, but perhaps saturated fats are something you can be sensible and balanced with, especially since…

Morning Protein

Whether you’re trying to lose weight or gain lean muscle, a critical part of your daily diet is to eat at least a quarter of your day’s calories and a good 30 grams or more of protein at your first meal.

This serves two purposes. First, those protein calories keep you satiated in a way that a stack of pancakes or a bagel never will. That keeps you away from the receptionist’s candy jar. Second, the protein helps your body to resume building and maintaining muscle tissue.

Three eggs provide 24 grams of protein. Add two strips of bacon and there’s your 30. Yes, there are other meats you can add to get to the target, and if you prefer them, go for it. I’m also a ham fan. But bacon helps you with your goal instead of working against it like those slices of “wheat” toast slathered in jelly.

Easy, Fun and Tasty

Last, there’s the enjoyment factor: the smell as it sizzles in the skillet, the meaty texture (or crunch, if you like it crispy like I do), and that decadent flavor. It’s the perfect complement to eggs.

Not to mention that bacon is easy to cook: put it in a pan, wait until it’s shrunk down and turn it over. About 5 minutes from fridge to plate. Or put it in the oven at about 400 for 15 minutes. Drain it or pat it with paper towels if you like to remove excess grease. (Oh, and never throw bacon fat down the drain. Do what Mom did and keep a covered soup can handy, then throw it in the trash when it’s full.)

Balance That Breakfast

At this point I should mention that I don’t eat just bacon and eggs—that’s not a balanced breakfast, and all of your meals should be rounded in nutritional content. A little microwaved frozen chopped spinach and black beans, mixed with a little cayenne or hot sauce, adds carbs and fiber to kickstart my brain and ensure, um, regularity despite all that animal product.

I also balance that breakfast with exercise. As I mentioned above, these fats are immediately available for conversion into energy, so it’s a great idea to keep the metabolism moving and the fats burning.

The world-traveling gourmand Anthony Bourdain was recently on tour, and a mother had a question about her young son. He had decided to become a vegetarian, and Mom was finding it incredibly difficult to meet his dietary needs while she also cooked for the omnivorous remainder of her family. She wanted to know if it was possible to win her son back over to the “dark side.”

Bourdain replied with one word:

“Bacon.”

Have a More Manly Summer [Best-of]

Have a More Manly Summer [Best-of]

Michael — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 11:30:37 +0000

Up the rebels.

By any official or unofficial method of measurement, summer is here in the Northern Hemisphere. And to salute the return of hot (or hotter—hi Phoenix) weather, here are some articles to help you dress, eat, and date better this year.

Dress Up (or Down) for the Weather

There’s nothing like grabbing that old favorite t-shirt (just a few little holes), the calf-length jean shorts and a pair of flip-flops and hitting the bars with the guys, right? Funny how the women you meet all seem to have a phone number of 555-1212, huh?

Board Shorts to Speedos: What to Wear When is your bible for summer shorts. If you don’t see them on this list, you probably don’t want to wear them.
Flip-Flops to Boat Shoes: Summer Footwear addresses the cornucopia of light and cool (in more ways than one) footwear available for summer.
Summer Suits: If New Yorkers Can Do It… want to do it up right for work, or senior photo day? Here are a few tips.

Grillin’ and Chillin’

Is that lighter fluid I smell? If so, why? Get yourself a damn charcoal chimney already, and then make sure you’re using the grill right, and complementing your meat with a tasty, healthy, cool salad.

Summer Salads: Real Men Blah, Blah, Blah has three important tips for a salad even a carnivore can enjoy, and some great recipe links.
101 Reasons That Salads Are Awesome reminds you that you aren’t restricted to opening a bag and dousing the contents in ranch dressing. With a few veggies and a few ready staples you can be the hit of the BBQ party with a great salad no one’s tasted before.
Man Skills: Grill a Perfect Steak should be self-explanatory. If you haven’t read this yet, you don’t like meat.

Summer Survival

It’s not all fun and games when the weather gets hot. Keep yourself safe and healthy, and live to skinny-dip another day.

How to Hydrate is the complete why and how of keeping your body moist on the inside, because by the time you get thirsty you’re already late on the hydration train.
How to Perform 14 Basic Skills, Part 2 includes “Learn the Breaststroke,” and advice to help you learn how to swim. This is a basic survival skill everyone should know.

Look Great

You want that beach body? Well, time’s a-wastin’. If you haven’t already subscribed to receive your free Starter Workout, you can find some basic help here:

A Simple Starter Workout is the original workout plan I happen to be using again right now to get into fighting trim. You can too.
No-Weights Workout offers some easy moves you can do outside. Just don’t hog the kids’ jungle gym for too long, okay?

Get a Date

Yes, the ladies seem to look even prettier in their summer clothes. No, it’s no more difficult to talk to them than it was when they looked like Eskimos. If you’re not using my online dating book (available free), at least forearm yourself with a few tips.

What Do You Say to a Girl? You’re walking on the beach with a buddy, and the girl of your dreams is coming right toward you. Do you start with a firm, “Hi,” and then confidently move on to an intriguing question for her, or devolve into a puddle of jelly? I can help you there.

The National Pastime

If you’re absolutely stuck for something to do, and living in America, there’s probably a ballpark five minutes away. And whether you want to go nuts for your favorite player or kick back in the sun with a brew and some conversation (not too loud), the ballyard is an excellent place to do it.

Take Yourself Out to the Ballgame will help you if you decide only the big-leagues will do (try Triple-A instead, trust me) you can navigate the minefield of consumerism that is a major league ballpark with your credit rating intact.

Whatever you do this summer, be safe, calm and confident. Have fun out there.