Tao of Bachelorhood

Exercise, Meditate, Launder [Weekend Reading]

Michael — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 07:30:31 +0000

Trust me, photos of genes are even more boring.

Call it our guy version of “Eat, Pray, Love.”

Don’t Blame Your Genes

First up is a study by the UK’s Medical Research Council Epidemiology Unit, which found that exercise can improve the health of even those who are genetically predisposed to obesity. In the past it was assumed that many who are obese had no choice, that they were genetically “meant to be fat.” Of course, now that we (and by “we” I mean “scientists”) can actually look at your genes, it’s become harder to use them as an excuse:

The researchers analysed the genes of physically active and inactive volunteers, looking for one or more of 12 genetic markers known to increase BMI and risk of obesity. They calculated each participant’s overall genetic susceptibility by converting the number of obesity genes into a ‘genetic predisposition score’. The researchers then examined whether a higher ‘score’ was associated with a higher body mass index (BMI) and obesity risk. Those who had a physically active lifestyle dramatically reduced the impact of their obesity genes by an average of 40% compared to those who were sedentary.

Translation: it’s not hopeless. Get busy being healthy or get busy dyin’.

Don’t Forget to Pause

This one comes from the always-perceptive Leo Babauta of Zen Habits:

The noise of the world is a dull roar that pervades every second of your life. It’s a rush of activity, a drain on your energy, a pull on your attention, until you no longer have the energy to pay attention or take action.

It’s an illness, this noise, this rush. It can literally make us sick. We become stressed, depressed, fat, burnt out, slain by the slings and arrows of technology.

The cure is simple: it’s stillness.

I can’t tell you how strongly I recommend meditation, and the crazier your life is, the more you need it. Leo’s recommendation is to simply learn to be comfortable with stillness—just sitting quietly, not taking on any task or thought, just listening to your own breath and becoming comfortable with yourself.

The money quote in all of this: “It takes strength to find stillness when the world around us is a chaos of activity.” Be strong; be still.

Don’t Over-launder those Jeans

Finally, a well-done guide to maintaining your denim, courtesy of Valet. From brand-new shrink-to-fit Levi’s 501s to that favorite pair you dread one day finding threadbare and faded in the crotch, the Valet team walks you through the process of both making your pants fit right, and then keeping them healthy.

The kicker is their washing advice, which eschews (meaning “gives the finger to”) the washing machine entirely:

Fill the bath or sink with cold water (for least amount of shrinkage and indigo loss) or warm water for more shrinkage and fading. Add a small amount of a gentle soap….Let them soak for 45 to 60 minutes, occasionally agitating them by hand. … The less launderings you do, the longer your denim is likely to last, and the more individual character it will take on.

All that is assuming you don’t normally go commando, in which case it’s the washing machine, on hot. In fact, I don’t even want to be party to that. You’re on your own.

Have a great Labor Day weekend.

Regular exercise helps shed the genetic likelihood of obesity by forty percent [MRC Epidemiology Unit]

find stillness to cure the illness [Zen Habits]

How to Properly Clean Jeans [Valet]

Online Dating: 8 Rules for a Standout Profile

Michael — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 09:07:03 +0000

That can't be good.

If you’re just catching up, over the past couple of weeks I’ve been guiding you through the world of online dating, from choosing a dating site to signing up and answering the many questions used to match you with the girl of your dreams. There’s still a gaping hole in your online profile, one piece that can convince her that you might be the man of her dreams or turn her off forever. Not the photo—we’ll get to that. It’s your bio, or “about me” section.

It’s easy to stand out among the other guys on your dating site of choice. Just look at their profiles and don’t do what they do. Right now I’m looking at the first 10 Match.com profiles that come up, and among those profiles I see:

3 guys are “easygoing”
3 are “passionate”
7 are “career-focused” or just spend a lot of time at work (“I’m here because I have no time to meet women”—unfortunately, these guys forget it takes time to date women)
One only listed what he wants in his woman
One has some serious TMI about his past relationships, which he obviously sees as a strong point because they lasted 2 and 3 years (hint: if she says “yes” as soon as her old boyfriend comes back and proposes, maybe your relationship wasn’t that great).

Out of these ten profiles, only one was what I’d consider a boost to his chances rather than a hindrance

The biggest secret to creating a great online dating profile bio has nothing to do with what you put in it: it’s what you leave out that’s most important. A well-known pickup artist once created a profile consisting of Chuck Norris facts with Chuck’s name deleted and the PUA’s written in. A woman who stumbled upon it likely thought the profile was funny as hell, and it left just about everything to the imagination. A very successful profile I once had was titled, “You Don’t Want to Get Mixed Up With Me” and included profundities like, “the instrument I love the most is the bass, and you know what that means.”

Here are some important rules to live by when you’re composing your bio.

1. It’s Who You Are, Not What You Do

The most mind-numbing profiles in the entire online dating world are those that list what he does, what he’s done, where he’s been, his perceived personality traits, and what he’d like his ideal woman to be like. Don’t do that. If there’s one rule you follow religiously, this is the one.

If it’s critical to you that your woman like something you like or understand what you’re passionate about, write about how you feel when you do that specific thing. Paint a mental picture. Make her feel.

2. Don’t Brag

Guys love to talk about their accomplishments and their stuff. The reason that’s a turn-off to women is that it’s incredibly boring to read. There will be time for her to know you love fast Italian automobiles, and that time is when you pull up at her door in one. Don’t even ask when she needs to know you’re well-hung.

3. Don’t Describe Your Ideal Woman

Because no woman who’s worth a damn will think she measures up. There is an alternative to this that is fun and a little mysterious, which is to ask questions to which there’s no obvious answer. (Actual examples from a successful profile: “Journey or KISS?” “Someone bumps the table and your wine spills on your new dress. How do you react?”)

4. Avoid Cliches

Overused tidbits like “My friends say I’m…” “Work hard, play hard” or “I can go from a tux to jeans and a t-shirt” instantly push you back into the masses as just another guy. Again, looking at the competition will give you a leg up on the repetitive eye-glazing boredom she finds elsewhere.

5. Keep the Mystery Alive

Believe it or not, you don’t actually have to say much about yourself in your bio in order to attract women. You can convey your personality without actually stating plain facts about yourself. Describe something interesting you saw once. Recount the funniest Facebook or Twitter statuses you’ve seen. Give her just a piece of who you are so she wants to know more. (Examples: “Where would I be without words? Maybe homeless.” “It was the biggest bear I’ve ever seen, and I was seeing it way too close up.”)

And in a choice between too short and too long, a too-short profile wins every time.

6. Keep It Light

If there’s one place to actually display a sense of humor and easy-going nature, it’s online. The vast majority of women will react positively to a fun profile, and it’s a starting point for the flirting you’re going to want to do when you successfully contact them. Explaining that you’re a little shy after your fiancee dumped you for a circus midget won’t make her want to meet you immediately so that she can dry your tears. Show the side of you that can have fun.

If you’re actually a dour person, you’ve probably already found it difficult to meet women, and that won’t be any different on the Internet.

7. Be a Grown-up

You will severely limit your prospects with “HOLLA IF UR HOTT!” Skip the rap slang (unless you’re being funny and the joke is obvious), remember that with a full keyboard you can actually type full English words, and use spell-check. Please use spell-check.

8. Test

No fish biting? Try new bait. When I was in my concentrated online dating phase I changed my bio entirely about every couple of weeks. The same women who wouldn’t give me the time of day the first time I messaged them would suddenly be up for meeting me after I revised my prose. Write a few different profiles and try them on different sites. Maybe leave out the part where you bow-hunt for deer next time and see what happens.

If you follow these guidelines, you’ll end up with a profile that won’t repel women. That’s all we’re really looking for, because the profile is simply an amuse-bouche for your e-mail contact. Give her the smallest of tastes, and leave her with questions she’ll want to ask you.

Next up: the photo!

Online Dating: Profile Tips

Michael — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 21:34:31 +0000

Don't just sit there with, um, sand on your back. Let's get started!

The most daunting part of the online dating process is probably writing the profile. And it’s true: your profile will make or break your online experience. Think about it, you wouldn’t expect women to fall for you in real life if you greeted them with a limp, damp handshake, babbled about golf clubs and wore a dirty t-shirt, would you?

Just like at a party or on the street, it’s important to put your best foot forward online.

Profile Walkthrough

Let’s start by walking through the nuts and bolts of constructing your online dating presence. Each site is a little different, but let’s start with Match.com. If you’ve picked another of the top sites we looked at, let me know. The basic nuts and bolts will be similar across the board.

Don’t look for a “sign up” link—most sites instead try and suck you in with a fake search box, which leads to either results you can’t actually access or the sign-up page. Match is no different. But that’s okay, you’re going to have to add all this info anyway.

Make sure to use your actual birth year. Yes, you may want to be with a younger girl, and sure people all tell you that you look younger (about five years younger, right?), but you’ll just have to find a girl who’s okay with your actual age. And yes, lots of the ladies lie about their ages. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be a man about it. Also, if you fake it now, most sites make it hard to change.

Okay, so now it looks like Match is letting us walk through the wonderland of cute women…until you click on one. Then you get another screen asking for more information. See how they suck you in? But that’s okay—it’s why we’re here. Fill out the form, and the next one, and the next one.

There will start to be some information you don’t have to offer up, while other information is vital, and will save you headaches later if you answer honestly:

Astrological sign: optional
Height: use your actual height (okay, fudging up to one inch is allowed, but she will notice when you’re 5’4″ and not the 5’9″ in your profile)
Body type: be honest (although “average” covers a lot of ground, “slender” and “athletic” are very specific)
Interests: these are supposed to be things you do, not things you watch others do.
Common interests: this is a loaded question. This should be something you really want your prospective date to do with you. For example, “Fishing/Hunting” may disqualify you from consideration by women who can’t bear to kill things.
Kind of movies you like: optional, but part of the matching formula.
Exercise: answer honestly. If you start the Simple Starter Workout now, you can improve your answers!
What you do for a living: don’t bother unless you’re passionate about your work or it demonstrates social status (model, executive).
Children: if you aren’t honest here, it could kill a budding relationship quicker than you think. Women get stuck—stuck—on this.
Annual income: leave it out. Too much looks like bragging, too little looks bad, and no woman should be looking for you based on this.
Pets: be honest. The only tip I can give is that you should try to like cats.
Ethnicity, Faith, Languages, Education: answer honestly and skip the essay questions.
Political affiliation: this will be polarizing to many, but answer honestly. If a conservative guy and liberal girl can deal with it in a relationship, you’ll find each other.
“Get to Know Me” questions: they’re silly but count in the matching system. If you don’t like them, don’t answer them, and be glad you’re on Match and not OKCupid, where you might have to answer hundreds of these.

Essay Questions

Up to the fourth info screen you’ve only had to answer multiple-choice questions, but the Interests screen includes the dreaded empty text boxes. This isn’t the critical part of your profile (I’ll show you how to write the main essay later) but here’s a tip: don’t include a laundry list of things or places.

Instead, offer one or two of the activities and places you’re most passionate about, and include how they make you feel:

“The smell of Kauai right after a summer rain shower is one of my favorite things.”
“There’s nothing more exhilarating than free-falling toward the earth: the literal leap of faith as I jump, the sound of the wind, and the peaceful drifting feeling after the reassuring tug of the parachute.”
“Remember watching lightning bugs fly and flicker and wondering how they work their magic? I did too, and now I can tell you.” (If you can make entomology sound sexy, my friend, you’re in.)

Same for questions like “Describe your job.” If you can’t describe it in passionate, feeling terms, leave it out.

Who You’re Looking For

On Match.com this is called “About My Date.” This is where you can help the matching engine find you the most “compatible” women. Be honest about what you’ll accept, but try not to exclude too many. For example, if you only want a slender woman with blonde hair and green eyes, you’ll have excluded about 80% of really attractive women.

Match now includes a “Must have/Nice to have” choice: “Must have” will exclude anyone you didn’t choose from your (and her) Mutual Match results. “Nice to have” will just score them lower. My only real “must haves” are body types that match mine (slender/athletic), non-smoking, and a marital status that does not include “separated.”

Your Bio

This is the big kahuna. So much so we’re going to devote the next article to that. Don’t worry, I promise not to leave you hanging.

Simple Starter Workout News

Michael — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 01:27:45 +0000

The first part of revising the Simple Starter Workout is done: after a few edits and other cleanup, the (still) free e-book is back online!

You can get your copy by subscribing to the Tao of Bachelorhood. There’s a handy form there on every page—in addition to the book, by subscribing you’ll become a ToB insider:

Updates on new articles
Special insider-only newsletters
Contests for newsletter subscribers only

It’s like a club for smart men (smart women also welcome!). And it’s a two-way street: you can reply to any Tao of Bachelorhood e-mail with your questions and comments. I’m here to serve you.

Coming up: the expanded, packed-with-extras Starter Workout. It’s still simple, but it’s much more than that.

Just Do It: Cliché or Crucial?

Michael — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 02:29:02 +0000

Either get out of the road or put me in your will. (Photo by vramak)

Lately I’ve been learning some new Internet skills from a fairly respected guru, and I’ve been able to take a ton of useful information away from his tutorials.

However, there came a point when he spoke about writing articles, and addressed those in the audience who don’t think they can write. His advice was to “just do it.” Do it and don’t stop. Do it even if it’s crap. Do it even if it’s the words “do it” typed over and over again.

At first I thought it was pretty simplistic: there are some people who, try as they might, aren’t cut out for writing content. Just instructing them to “wiggle your fingers and great stuff will come out” (my paraphrase) won’t help. Then I started thinking about the nature of the phrase “just do it.” It was a cliché long before Nike decided to make it a slogan, and it’s one of those phrases some guys can’t stand to hear. But you know what?

You Can’t Do It Until You Do It

It’s true. If instead this man had instructed his people, “if you’re unsure, wait and do something else until inspiration comes,” there are people who would end up not typing word one. They’d stop and check e-mail or start watching the ballgame and they would never even know whether they could create good content. And it’s the same with most of the things we talk about here:

Meeting women
Starting a workout program
Clothes shopping
Cleaning your home
Meditating

Yes, even something as easy and private that no one ever has to see you doing as meditation. I’ve talked to guy after guy who have told me, “yeah, I know meditation would probably calm my stress, but I just haven’t got around to trying it.” Imagine how hard it might be for them to approach a woman!

How to Do Something

Perhaps the best way to move away from the “just do it” cliché is to change it to just do something. If you’re so daunted by a task or goal that you can’t bring yourself to take action, do this:

Break down the task into steps. Write it down.
Look at the first step. It should be immediately doable. If it’s not, break down the step into smaller steps.
Look at the new first step. If it’s still too big, repeat Step 2.
When the first step is small enough that you feel you can can accomplish it now, do it.

If you approach tasks this way, nothing will ever paralyze you with fear. You will know what you must do, and you will know how to do it—because if you don’t know, learning becomes your new first step.

Maybe You Do Too Much

Another problem you may suffer from is that you have so much to do that you don’t know where to start. If after you write down all of your goals and tasks down, you still can’t determine what’s most important to do now, close your eyes, spin the paper around and do whatever your finger lands on. Don’t second-guess. If it seems daunting, follow the steps above and break it down.

If You Fail

Most of what we do as humans is driven by fear: usually the fear of failure. Failing big is often a remembered humiliation that sticks with one for a long time. The best way to not fear failure is to fail small and often—and make sure to try and learn just what happened. It’s harder to learn from success than from failure. Trust a poker player on this (a story for a later time).

And don’t be afraid to ask for help. Whether it’s finding a mentor or asking a question to a stranger (I volunteer!), putting combined brain power or a different perspective on a tough task will usually make it much easier.

I challenge you to start something you’ve been putting off, right now this second. Even if you’ve only got five minutes.

Do it.

Online Dating Sites: Pick Your Poison, Part 2

Michael — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 08:33:33 +0000

Last week we looked at the “Big Three” online dating sites: Match.com, eHarmony and Plenty of Fish. Today we’ll go down a level to sites that aren’t as well-known but offer more places to cast your line. They range from the small and cool to the large and, well, minimal.

To repeat my recommendation from last week, try a few sites to see which one fits your style and offers the best selection, then focus on one site to begin with, branching out to others if your time allows. Use the free trials many paid sites offer, or start with a completely free site like Plenty of Fish or OKCupid. Starting next week I’ll help lead you through the process of writing a great profile, getting your photos up and contacting women.

First, though, let’s round out the top dating sites:

SinglesNet

Monthly cost: $25/mo or $90/yr.

The folks at SinglesNet proudly trumpet “#1 Visited Dating Site!” Then the small print reads, “Dec. 2008.” Last year, though, Forbes put SinglesNet at fifth place, behind True (which I won’t recommend, for reasons I’ll get into later).

I’ve got to say, I’m completely unimpressed with SinglesNet. The first time you go to the site you’ll see an option to search for women in your area. Try it and you’re presented with search results—which you can’t access because they’ve overlaid a sign-up screen. A bait-and-switch like that only sets you up for the disappointment within.

There is no matching technology on SinglesNet that I can see. Searching is extremely simplistic: Age, location, and ethnicity. Age is even approximate: “around my age or younger,” “around my age or older,” “around my age” or “any age.” You’re basically getting a list of random women in an approximate age group, sorted by how long ago they last logged in. If you have the time to manually go through the profiles you could find a catch here, but I wouldn’t see myself paying $8 or more a month to manually sort women.

You’ll also want to shut off all e-mail alerts, because every time someone views your profile you’ll be sent an “interest” message. And the reverse is true: every time you click on a gorgeous face that turns out to have the profile of a career criminal, she’ll get a message that you’re “interested.” There’s very little online help, but with not much to do you probably don’t need it. And be careful to treat the women you meet here right, or they’ll put your handle up on the “scams” message board.

Zoosk

Monthly Cost: $30/mo or $120/yr.

Zoosk has positioned itself as the most social-network friendly of dating sites, and that’s great if you want your Facebook friends to follow along with your online dating exploits. It also allows you to give “gifts” just like Facebook (“Oooh, how sweet, he sent me a picture of flowers!”), and has you earning “coins” that presumably pay for the gifts. Looking and “winking” is free but you have to pay to contact, like most other sites.

Profile information is sketchy: no personality-based matching, and no body type information. Most of your work here will be on the essay questions. But there are a few extras: if you like comparing your Netflix queue or Last.fm playlist you can link to them. Searching for local women can be done using any of the multiple-choice answers and any age range, but there isn’t any matching technology here.

One Zoosk-specific feature might just be money: you can invite your friends to write “testimonials” to talk you up to the ladies. Hit up a couple of your best wingmen and craft testimonials for each other. It can’t hurt (as long as he doesn’t bring up the part about the projectile vomiting last weekend) and can certainly help.

Again, I wasn’t impressed with the selection of women here, compared to Match or Plenty of Fish, but what I did notice is that women on Zoosk seemed much more playful and tuned-in. If that matters to you, give it a try.

OkCupid

Monthly Cost: Free (extra matching features $10/mo)

The OkCupid logo is a beaker, which is your first clue that this site is about science! In fact, in complete opposition to the above two sites which use virtually no matching technology, OkCupid is almost entirely about matching. You could spend weeks on all the questions and tests that get you just a little more finely-adjusted matches.

Not to mention it’s fun to find out more about yourself, and explore the various traits of women you’re interested in. See if she’s earned the “More Kinky” badge, or find out her “Lover Style.” You can search on a number of criteria, but matching is always at the heart of OkCupid. You can improve matches by answering more “matching questions,” about everything from politics to TV shows to your fingernail-grooming habits. OkCupid also tracks (anonymously) the habits of its users and also does independent testing, and can tell you that those shirtless photos do work.

Best of all, it’s all free. Okay, nothing in life is really free – OkCupid makes its money selling something called the “A-List Subscription.” This gives you more search features (sort profiles by personality traits or popularity), messaging features (attachments) and visibility (“A-List” profiles appear in a special section on search pages—this would seem to defeat the point of matching, but whatever). Also, paid users don’t see ads, although they’re already the least intrusive of any site.

Since basic matching and contacts are free, you’ve got nothing to lose.

The Others

There are dozens, maybe hundreds of other places to find an Internet mate, from the simple-but-free DateHookup.com to the “intimate dating” site Mate1.com to ethnic- and religion-specific sites like BlackPeopleMeet or JDate. Match started up Chemistry.com to win some of the personality-match market from eHarmony. Some long-time standbys like Lavalife and Date.com still exist. If you have the time, check a few out.

There’s only one site I’ve had trouble with: True. Billed as the “safe” dating site, they certainly offer a number of matching options. However, the price to contact other users is prohibitive ($50/mo or $130/yr). And what’s more, the “safety” apparently ends outside the walls of True, as I was relentlessly spammed by them. I couldn’t turn it off. I tried sending them e-mail but it didn’t gain a response. I had to take the radical step of training my e-mail provider to treat them as spam. I’d like to go back there and check them out for you but I just won’t take the chance again.

And Then There’s Craigslist

If Craigslist is the Internet version of want ads, their personals are the Internet version of alternative-weekly personal ads. The people you meet will be a mixed bag, and there’s no searching or matching. Just either write up an ad or go look through the “Women Seeking Men.” The beauty of Craigslist is that no matter what you’re looking for, you just might find it. The downside is that you might find a lot of what you don’t want as well.

I could do an entire series on using Craigslist personals, and I just might, but for now let’s stick with some structure.

Your mission is to try a site or two. Sign up for free and explore, and let me know what you like or don’t like about the sites you check out.

Online Dating Sites: Pick Your Poison, Part 1

Michael — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 08:53:28 +0000

Today online dating has reached maturity: major sites like Match.com and eHarmony have become entrenched by outlasting and buying their rivals, and newer free sites like Plenty of Fish and OKCupid are capturing those who can’t afford a monthly fee. Each site has its pluses, minuses and a different kind of clientele.

I recommend that you try a few services. Most have a free trial offer of anywhere from a week to a month—if you’re efficient and apply yourself you might generate a number of “real life” dates within the trial itself. Make sure you’re making an appropriate effort to create a quality profile and respond well to the women who catch your eye. (I’ll cover that soon.)

First let’s look at the Big Three competitors, which will feature the broadest range of women to choose from. Later we’ll go over some of the smaller or alternative options.

Match.com

Until about a week ago, Match was third behind eHarmony and Yahoo Personals in total users. However, Yahoo Personals merged with Match, in theory adding their millions of users to Match’s millions to create an Internet dating goliath.

I say “in theory” because let’s face it, Yahoo Personals was made up of a ton of inactive free accounts. Searching for active users who could actually respond to your messages was incredibly hit-and-miss. The number of actual paid Yahoo users moving over to paid Match.com accounts could be anywhere from 50,000 to half a million—most dating sites don’t like to give away their paid-subscriber numbers because they’re far below the combination of paid members and free “looky-loos.”

But back to Match. This is the gold standard of paid sites, and they work hard to keep improving their offering. They’ve come a long way since I used their services several years ago. In addition to their powerful search function and contact tools, they offer the “Daily 5,” five women their software determines closely match your profile, and an in-house service to improve your profile (at an extra charge). They’ve also created chemistry.com to compete more directly with eHarmony. I like the fact that I can search for exactly what I’m looking for, including body type.

The downside is that you’ll have a lot of competition here—more people means many more guys who think they should send a form e-mail to the same 5% of the women. If you can stand out (and I’ll help you there), you can succeed, though. I did.

eHarmony

You’ve seen the ads with the happy married couples who met on eHarmony. You’ve heard about the “29 dimensions of compatibility.” You may even know that before the Match takeover of Yahoo’s customer base, eHarmony was the largest dating site in the world. Forget them. There are two things you need to know before you fish in the eHarmony waters: the Big Plus and the Big Minus.

The Big Plus for eHarmony is that about 60% of those millions of users are female. That’s right, the best odds online are at eHarmony. You’re outnumbered almost 2-to-1. Two girls for every boy, just like Surf City. In contrast, Match is almost even in male-female ratio, and Plenty of Fish has a slight lean towards more men.

But that brings us to the Big Minus: you don’t get to choose the women you can contact. No searches for “slender, blonde hair, with the keyword ‘MMA’ in their profiles.” eHarmony chooses the women for you, based on those 29 dimensions. You can tell them to filter for smoking, drinking, children, age, religion, ethnicity, education, income and distance, but after that it’s up to their computer algorithm.

After you’ve completed the personality tests and lists of “values,” eHarmony will start sending you profiles of women who they believe are a match. You can decide which to contact, and they try to make it fairly easy, even offering an anonymous phone forwarding service so women feel secure talking to you. All of this may actually save you from yourself if you don’t want to put a ton of work into online dating, but it may be a jolt to see the women you “match” if you’ve been overvaluing yourself on other sites.

Plenty of Fish

The number one great thing about Plenty of Fish (or plentyoffish) is that it’s free. And it used to be completely free, but last year the site started offering a paid upgrade option to push your profile to the top of search results. The gimmick is that upgrades are only for those “serious members” looking for relationships. There’s a short test you must take—and quite frankly it’s probably easy to guess the “right” answers, so I don’t see it stopping anyone—before you’re offered the chance to pay between $6-10 per month.

My advice is to try the free service for a while first and see its strengths and weaknesses. Plenty of Fish is strong on numbers, so there are millions of women with profiles. Unfortunately, the site is weak on matching, so to find appropriate women to message you’ll have to use the Search feature and enter your criteria. Fortunately, the site remembers your last search so that you can repeat it to find new members at regular intervals.

Best of all, it’s free to send a message to any woman who floats your boat. However, members are allowed to specify who may send them messages. Most require a picture. Others will only allow you to talk to them if you don’t smoke. And it’s a dwindling few who will accept contact if you’re looking for an “intimate encounter.” (That means sex. Just thought I’d make that clear.) If your profile meets her criteria, though, send that note and get the party started!

The interface is clunky and it’s hard to find all the various controls, but if you can master it Plenty of Fish should be a great option for the cash-strapped. (Just don’t tell her you’re cash-strapped.)

Plenty of Sites

These are simply the largest sites out there, but there are many more worth your while for different reasons. In Part 2 we’ll look at OKCupid, Craigslist and specialty sites, as well as one or two you might stay away from. Until then, sign up for free at one or more of the “big three,” and take a look around.

Summer Salads: Real Men Blah, Blah, Blah

Michael — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 05:03:05 +0000

Simple, but effective. (Photo by Mr. T in DC)

Salads are manly. I’m not going to go any further into that point.

Knowing that, let’s continue our “beat the heat” series (started on Monday with help staying cool in a suit) with the logical food to eat when the mercury rises: salad. My love of salad was rekindled recently when during a local heat wave I hit up a pub with an incredible steak caesar. Lightly dressed and topped with medium-rare meat, it was the perfect meal to cap off my day.

Pasta-fy It

Last year I offered you 101 summer salads as well as my recipe for The Simplest Possible Vinaigrette. Now you’ll have to register with the New York Times to read those ideas, but not (yet) the new ones they offer in the NYT Well blog’s list of salads featuring cold pasta and quinoa:

Add Flavor

But wait! There’s more! The Houston Chronicle (and you know how it gets in Houston!) summoned local chefs to offer up a boatload of dressing recipes so that you can add some fresh ingredients to your fresh ingredients. Toss that old bottle of ranch dressing and whip up a quick Sesame Ginger Vinaigrette, a Lemon Thyme Dressing or a Port Poppy Blue Cheese (just hope there’s no drug testing at work tomorrow!).

The chefs also provide tips for great dressings, including making sure you’re using high-quality oil and vinegar, and marinating fruit, vegetables or spices in vinegar before straining and using it on your salads.

Improvise!

Another great thing about salads is that you can throw just about any crisp vegetable, meat or cheese, seed or nut in the bowl and with a good dressing it will work. Keep good leafy lettuce (not iceberg!), green onions, all colors of peppers, carrots, cukes and tomatoes in the fridge and some oil and vinegar on the counter and you’ll never go hungry.

There is literally no good reason not to make yourself cool, nutritious salads in the summer months. Oh, and as I’ve mentioned before, bring one to a party and be prepared for women to give you much more credit than you deserve. Don’t worry, it’ll be our secret.

Summer Salads as the Main Attraction [New York Times]

Dressed to impress [Houston Chronicle]

Summer Suits: If New Yorkers Can Do It…

Michael — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 03:11:52 +0000

Sweet ride optional.

What do you wear when the weather gets hot? Well, the answer if you’re working in New York City during the recent triple-digit heat wave is…your suit, of course.

In my quest to find you men’s fashion advice that doesn’t involve runway models in cowl necks and facemasks, I came across this nugget from the New York Times. Their “On the Street” fashion corresponent Bill Cunningham recently got a roll of snapshots as the mercury rose, demonstrating that it’s possible to dress well even in the heat. Sit back and watch the slide show with Cunningham’s commentary as he points out the methods these men used to look cool in 103-degree temperatures.

Techniques he points out to keep up your look include:

Get to work early, while the temperature’s lower.

Wear lighter cotton or linen suits in the summer.

Carry your clothes to work on a hanger, and then change when you get there.

Don’t be afraid of white trousers.

“If you want to think you’re in hell, you just go down to those [subway] platforms and you’ll find out,” Cunningham asserts. I’ll just have to take his word for it.

On the Street | Unwilted [New York Times, via Valet]

7 Links: Tao of Bachelorhood

Michael — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 23:15:22 +0000

Uh, not that kind of link...

Today one of my blogging gurus, Darren Rowse, proposed something called the “7 Link Challenge,” and I thought it would be a great idea to offer you some great links as well as a little history of my humble site.

Let’s begin:

My first post was kind of a palate-cleanser called “The Bachelor” Has Issues. Of course, I was wrong about him being single in a year, but considering the track record of “Bachelor/Bachelorette” couples (i.e., everyone else either never married or has divorced) I’m not admitting defeat just yet.

The posts I enjoyed writing the most had to be the How to Perform 14 Basic Skills series (in 3 parts: Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3.) “Man skills” normally doesn’t fall under the charter of ToB, but I’m working on a way to get more tips out to the world. Stay tuned!

A post which had a great discussion…well, to be frank, although I’m grateful for the growth of my audience, discussion hasn’t been a strong point. Sometimes it would be awesome to be told I’m full of crap—being forced to rethink isn’t a bad thing. Probably the closest to that was from Would You Date a Smarter, Richer Woman?

A post by someone else that I wish I’d written would have to be the Art of Manliness‘ series on Building Your Resiliency. Brett McKay’s thoroughness and critical thinking skills really peak in these posts, which blew me away. No matter who you are, man or woman, these posts will help you. For a longer Building Your Resiliency review, see my post here.

The most helpful post was tough when I first considered it, but I eventually realized it had to be The Simple Starter Workout. Between the posts and the free e-book, I’m proud of this simple, effective program. (And there’s big news coming soon!)

A post title I’m most proud of was hard: should it be the silliest (Talking Shirt)? The most effective at drawing eyeballs (6 Items of Clothing Every Man Should Own)? All in all, it’s probably going to be The Secret Life of Nice Guys. Descriptive, succinct, and (I think) evocative of a serious subject.

The post I wish more people had read, on the other hand, is a no-brainer: Be a Man About It: Handling RSVPs. I still see large numbers of my own circle of friends either just blowing off RSVPs or lamenting that their friends blow off RSVPs.

If you have a favorite post that helped you or entertained you over the past year and a half, please let me know. Your input is vital. Likewise, if there’s something that’s annoying you, I want to hear that too. Thanks once again for reading.