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[Co-Host] Kilmeade and two colleagues were discussing a study that, based on research done in Finland and Sweden, showed people who stay married are less likely to suffer from Alzheimer’s.

And this is what Kilmeade (the brown-haired guy) managed to say about that study:

I am getting a strange Déjà-vu to 1933, when another dark-haired guy was talking about the need to have a “pure society”.

Also, I don’t even understand how he can get from A to B on this one. According to Salon, the study refers to people who stay married, not implying any racial or ethnic conclusions at all.

But luckily, Kilmeade is so stupid pure he can’t even coherently insult people - what the hell does “marrying other species” mean? Does he have an ape girlfriend at home? Maybe they can do a sequel on that for tomorrow morning.

Now, this is sad news! Since George Bush has been gone, and Dick Cheney along with him, there has been a lack of politicians to make fun of.

Yes, Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina dutifully filled that gap with the announcement that he’d cheated on his wife with an Argentinian woman. That kept pundits and Jon Stewart going for a good few days - but for the long term, that’s not enough! And now, with the loss of Sarah Palin, who will be left to joke about? I am considering re-joining the Facebook group “I have more foreign policy experience than Sarah Palin,” just for old times’ sake.

But friends, don’t fret: There are rumors Palin might seek the Republican nomination for President in 2012. Hurray and a happy Fourth of July, everyone!

From rags to riches: Künast was born in Recklinghausen to a auto  mechanic and a nurse. She first studied social work and was employed in a penitentiary before she began studying for her law degree. One Obama

Diversity: Nothing to report here, but since women are still underrepresented in German politics she gets a half Obama.

Vitality: Künast likes inline skating and running and eats healthy, but admits her work keeps her away from regular exercise. She has no children. One Obama.

Web 2.0: A neat website, Facebook account with 1,848 friends, no Twitter and a social network that looks good, but is more of a glorified mailing list. One Obama.

Policies: Künast wants Germany to accept Guantanamo inmates, she supports ISAF (unlike the Green Green Party’s  base) while opposing OEF and wants a strong stimulus with more green elements and without tax cuts.  One Obama.

Total:

With four and a half Obamas, Renate Künast is the top-points-getter in our series so far but still miles away from total Obamaness. Will Vice-Chancellor Steinmeier of the SPD get there? Check back soon.

We mourn this tragedy. We will celebrate his legacy till our hearts stop beating.

Let his words and deeds be a lesson to us all: Start with the man in the mirror.

Michael, you’re royalty, always. The King is dead! Long live the King!

Here is the video (in German). Scot mainly talks about the differences between American and German interpretations of free speech, the rights and duties of the press, and how the Internet undermines German privacy rights via American websites. Good stuff.

From rags to riches: Lafontaine was born in Saarlouis to a baker and a secretary; his father died in World War II. His mother, who raised him and his twin brother alone, sent Lafontaine to a Catholic boarding school where he got his Abitur. One and a half Obama.

Diversity: Nothing sets him apart from the typical German. But at least he has a French surname and since the Saarland is practically a part of France, he gets a half Obama.

Vitality: Lafontaine is 65 and that’s how he looks. He’s in his third marriage with a total of two children. He sustained life-threatening injuries in an 1990 assassination attempt but quickly returned to politics, so for perseverance he gets one Obama.

Web 2.0: Lafontaine has a simple website that mainly caters to voters in the Saarland and not the federal level, no Twitter account and a Facebook page without content. A half Obama.

Policies: Lafontaine advocates a much stronger stimulus package than the one passed by the German government, a tax of 80% for the top income bracket and, diverging slightly from Obama, wants to nationalize all banks and overthrow capitalism. He also wants German troops to completely withdraw from Afghanistan and has not voiced an opinion on Guantanamo inmates. Zero Obamas.

Total:

With three and a half Obamas, Lafontaine did only marginally better than Westerwelle. Obviously we haven’t found the German Obama just yet. Will we next week? Check back then!

German politicians craving for voter attention hope to get at least some of that Obama-glamour for themselves. We will test how obama (new adjective!) the candidates of the five major parties really are.

In five categories, the politicians can get up to two Obamas each, with a total maximum of ten Obamas. Here is what we’re looking for:

From rags to riches: Obama was raised by a single mom, living off food stamps at times. His father was out of the picture for most of his life. He graduated from public high school and eventually got degrees from two Ivy League schools, Columbia and Harvard. To gain Obamas, candidates need to come from humble beginnings and faced hardships on their way to the top.

Diversity: Obama’s father was from Kenya, his mother from Kansas. He grew up in Hawaii and Indonesia, and has relatives living across the world. He married a woman from the South Side of Chicago. To score in this category, candidates should diverge significantly from the typical German politician.

Vitality:  Obama is 47 and exercises daily. He regularly plays golf and basketball and managed to raise two daughters despite his career. Candidates need to appear youthful, be physically active and ideally have produced offspring to get Obamas here.

Web 2.0: The Obama campaign revolutionized campaigning on the Internet. His website features its own social network, he’s active on YouTube, Twitter and the like and has over 6 million Facebook supporter. German candidates need to come close to that for maximum Obamas.

Policies: Obama supports a strong stimulus package to restart the economy, with both big spending and tax breaks for the middle class. He plans to raise taxes for the rich and has announced to increase the troop presence in Afghanistan. Obama wants Europeans to admit some of the detainees of the soon to be closed Guantanamo Bay. Policies are always the trickiest to compare. Candidates are checked for their position on economic stimuli and taxation and on their stance towards the Afghanistan War and detainee admittance.

So who is the German Obama? We begin with the candidate of the Free Democratic Party (FDP), Guido Westerwelle.

From rags to riches: Westerwelle was born in Bad Honnef, his father is a lawyer, as is his mother. That’s a triple fail, zero Obamas.

Diversity: He is a white, ethnic German male, but then also gay, gaining him one Obama.

Vitality: Westerwelle is three months younger than Obama, he likes beach volleyball and mountain biking. He has no children (sure he’s gay, but he could have adopted). One Obama.

Web 2.0: A website straight from 1999, no Twitter account, 1,266 Facebook supporters and no own community. A half Obama.

Policies: Westerwelle called the German stimulus package unsuitable and instead advocated tax breaks across the board, including for rich Germans. He supports the Afghanistan mission, but not sending additional troops and said Guantanamo inmates are mainly the concern of the U.S. A half Obama.

Total:

With only three Obamas out of a maximum of ten, Westerwelle clearly failed the Obama Check. Wanna know whether the other candidates fared better? Check back next week, when we test Oskar Lafontaine of the Left Party.

You can find all the posts of this series here.

Several sources report that U.S. President Barack Obama will anounce Phillip D. Murphy, a former investment banker with Goldman Sachs, as the new U.S. Ambassador to Germany.

Murphy, 52, has been in charge of the Democratic Party’s finances, after he left Goldman Sachs in 2006. As an investment banker, Murphy has headed the German branch of Goldman Sachs in the 90s, and was involved in several deals with the Treuhand-Anstalt.  He will replace William R. Timken, who has left Berlin in January.

Atlantic Review points out that the new man in the American embassy is a board member of the U.S. Soccer Foundation, which sounds like he might enjoy a smooth start in Berlin.